Countries That Don't Exist Anymore

Who were the Minoans of Crete? Were they really Europe's first civilisation? Ed travels to the Palace of Knossos for CTDEA On The Road to find out if it was the real home of the Minotaur or if the Greek myths were a load of old bull.

Ed & Phil watch the 1964 Christmas classic Zulu starring Michael Caine. Does it hold up in 2024, did Caine ever say "Stop chucking those bloody spears at me?" and more importantly - is it historically accurate?

How did a cow-obsessed pastoralists go from 1500 people to a fighting force that could defeat the British Empire? Who were the Zulus, why were they called the Black Spartans and why were they so into cow poetry?

Past Phil and Ed sat down to watch the movie Edge of the World, featuring James Brooke, the Raj of Sarawak (S03 E05). In real life, James Brooke was a towering pillock, but can Jonathan Rhys Myers do him justice?

No.

We discuss Prey, the latest movie in the Predator franchise very unexpectedly set in 18th century Comancheria. (Never would have predicted that one.) In this movie we follow Naru, a Comanche hunter who takes on an alien visitor...and our preconceptions. Oh yeah!

We give our verdict, talk historical accuracy and wonder whether Jordan Peterson would like it. Spoilers: no.

We return to Comancheria to follow the Comanche as they take on first the Texas Rangers and then the US Army. And we follow the story of the charismatic Quanah Parker - half Texan, half Comanche - as he leads the last stand of the Quahadi band.

Warning: mild language.

Who were the finest light cavalry in the world in the early nineteenth century? Who were the toughest and most brutal of the "Plains Indians"? Whose very name meant "man who wants to kill me all the time"?

Meet the Comanche and their prairie empire of Comancheria.

Phil & Ed chat through their favourite countries in the show so far:

We have a very informal fireside chat with comedian and writer Mike Shephard about Alt Clut, British identity and the underwhelming lives of Medieval saints.

Imagine forming own country...but it only lasting a day? In 1939, this is was the Ruthenians of Czechoslovakia did to defend themselves against Hungarian aggression. These days, they're part of Ukraine and having to fend off yet another tyrant.

But looking back, who was Avgustyn Voloshyn? What was the Sic? And why did their governor work out of a museum giftshop?

This time, the Mughal Empire goes from ruling almost all of India to a suburb of Delhi. And they face new challenges from the always troublesome Deccan, the Persians and just about everyone else. Meanwhile the East India Company shows us capitalism at its best... i.e. asset stripping.

All the while, there is much poking of eyes, strangling of mothers and pushing of elephants into crevices.

We travel to the Indian subcontinent to explore the mighty Mughal Empire. As the descendants of the Mongols, they created a mighty Islamic state which dazzled the world with illuminated tapestries, incredible buildings and a moralising parrot.

Find out about Akbar the Great who ruled in splendour and Humayun the Lucky, who fell down some poorly lit stairs and died.

We chat to one-time lost child and now bonafide Bonaparte expert, Everett Rummage - host of The Age of Napoleon podcast. We delve into the psychology of Bonaparte to ask if he could ever have been happy with exile on Elba, plus Everett gives us the sordid details of Bonaparte's spreadsheet love life.

On CTDEA, we never shy away from the difficult questions, like what's the best name for a podcast - History on Horseback or Emperors on Surfboards? Find out!

When Napoleon Bonaparte lost the battle of Paris he was punished - with his own country! Lasting less than a year, Bonaparte became the emperor of the Principality of Elba and its 12,000 inhabitants.

But was Bony N really going to be happy on a small Mediterranean island, and why was he so obsessed with fish pranks? Find out right here!

Ben returns to CTDEA to discuss Jet Li blockbuster The Warlords about the crushing of the Taiping Rebellion (Series 2, episode 1). Is it historically accurate, is it a good movie and what's with all the flying bread rolls?

The CTDEA Team chat to friend Ben about citizenship, the Principality of Sealand and the pros and cons of life as a subject of Peppa Pig. 

Plus, Ed and Been try to answer questions so they can remain British citizens. Will they succeed or does deportation loom? 

Is the North Pole a country? And if not, who could claim it? In the first episode of our in-between series catch ups, Phil and Ed cover the North Pole, the history of Christmas and the man they call Santa Claus.

Merry Saturnalia to all you CTDEAers!

What has Sumer ever done for you? How about writing, wheeled vehicles, bureaucracy, the plough, urban civilisation, key Old Testament stories and mathematics? But it's not all bad. They also helped establish beer as an important way to fritter away your wages.

The CTDEA Team watched 2003's The Last Samurai - based at the time of the Satsuma Rebellion and starring Tom "Xenu" Cruise as Nathan Algren - a re-imagining of the Republic of Ezo's Jules Brunet. Is The Last Samurai a realistic depiction of Japan in the late nineteenth century or is it a Nipponian Braveheart? We found out.

What happens when supporters of the Shogun try to set up their own American-style republic? Don't worry. We'll samurai-se it for you.

So nippon down and join us for a tale of honour, bravery and way too much suicide. It's the Republic of Ezo.

We're joined by anthropologist, travel writer and witty raconteur, Nigel Barley. We talk the life and times of Sir James Brooke, the oddities of empire and his excellent book, White Rajah.

We also introduce Nigel to the other great shyster, L Ron Hubbard. Could there be a book in that?

Joining us on Countries That Don't Exist Anymore is historian, comedian, presenter and author Iszi Lawrence.

We talk suffragettes, historical oddities and the life and times of Dido, Queen of Cathage. Can Iszi beat Phil in our one-on-one Carthage quiz? 

Yes, probably.

In our final part of our Carthage epic, we meet Hannibal Barca as he runs rings around the Romans before going toe to toe with ultimate nemesis, Scipio - whose earliest claim to fame was that he was never barked at by a dog. 

But who will win?

We also learn how to pay off war indemnities in a super quick time and why juicy fig jealousy can lead to the destruction of a city.

Who was the only power that the Romans were really afraid of? Join us for the first of a two parter on the EPIC North African powerhouse - Carthage. We'll find out why Dido didn't go down with her ship, why you shouldn't get a war elephant drunk and why Hamilcar "Flash" Barca was the ultimate PR man.

We sat down with Fin Dwyer of the Irish History Podcast to talk about the Dublin Vikings in the context of Irish history and why you can't get a good pint of Guinness in many of the world's Irish pubs. 

We asked you to ask us questions, and (some of) you sure did! Plus, Ed tests to see if Phil has been paying attention in the CTDEA Big Fat Quiz of the Year...and a half.

Sebastian Major from Our Fake History drops into help us separate Spartan fact from what Spartan fiction.

We talk to Derek from The Hellenistic Age Podcast about making his podcast, Sparta and the power of bristling hedgehog formations - aka the phalanx.

Actor and comedian Kieran Hodgson talks trains, David Tennant and the joys of reading obscure history on his Honeymoon.. 

BBC comedy writer Mike Shephard returns for more musings on Willoughyland and beyond. What's a manboob? Who was England's first female novelist? Who founded Uzbekistan? These are just the things you'll pick up if you listen in.

Would you move to somewhere with eyeball eating worms, face eating jaguars and terrifying tropical diseases? What if there were nudey ladies? It worked on English colonists going to Willoughbyland in Guiana.

But what happened to England's jungle colony? We find out.