Team TEAD

Dismantling DV includes dismantling racism.  As Black History Month comes to a close, here are our top recommendations for learning more about Black feminism, violence against Black women, nonbinary and trans people, and discussions about how to talk about race. 

Today we analyze an episode of emotional and physical abuse triggered by... the super bowl tubi commercial. 

We also examine stereotypes about domestic violence that are exposed within this incidence, such as victim blaming and the normalization of aspects of physical abuse. 

Trigger warming for discussions of abuse!

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Happy Valentines Day all!  For this lovely holiday, we decided to revisit an important topic: red flags in dating violence.  Although we all understand it is not our fault if our dating partners (or friends) abuse us,  knowing how to identify early warning signs of a toxic or abusive person can be a helpful tool and way to build confidence in navigating relationships. 

In this episode, we look at 3 major categories and give examples and digressions to help you in your dating journey. These are also handy for personal friendships as well!

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Welcome to 2023! 新年快乐!

With the new year comes goals and resolutions.  In this episode, I am sharing mine and how they relate to my overall goals of ending domestic violence and violence against women and marginalized groups.  I hope they inspire you and encourage you in your journey as an ally and advocate in 2023. 

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For fans of horror and folklore, we present an audio experience featuring 10 ghost stories from around the world. 

Each story has deep cultural roots in East Asian, South Asian, and El Salvadorian folklore and touch on elements of domestic violence.  We embark on an exploration and celebration of cultural storytelling, while inviting the audience to engage with the deeper themes of violence against women of color.

Abusive individuals can use gifts as a tool of control and cruelty.  Which makes things difficult for survivors living in a society where gift giving is so expected. 

TW for stories of abuse.

We're back and coming in hot just in time for the holiday season with a special episode all about BOUNDARIES

Because what holiday isn't complete without spending time with people who love to push your buttons.

Also, why are boundaries so hard to set and tips for how to do so. 

Plus digressions on The Shining and James sings a Christmas carol.  Sort of. 

Guest: J.B. Web (he/they)

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Self sabotage.  Getting in your own way.  Blowing up your life.

What is it? How does it harm you? How can I begin to stop?

Enjoying the Discussion?

No.  Not unless YOU want to.  Not unless you are ready. Not unless it will help YOU in your healing goal.

Also... make sure to show the same compassion and forgiveness towards yourself. 

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Whenever I am asked this question, its usually with a sense of dread, self loathing, or disbelief... or all 3 and more!  Its hard coping with the sense of loss and grief of someone who was horrible to you.

It is ok to miss an abusive partner.  It is ok to grieve the loss of that relationship.  Missing an abuser doesn't mean you deserve the abuse, or made it up. 

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Episode 1 of our Holiday Stocking Stuffer series... Am I Being Emotionally Abused? 

Bottom Line.... trust your gut!

MORE RESOURCES: 

Self hate is an issue I have been combating for years since my abuse.  After countless times of being torn down, broken, and encouraged to hate myself, breaking the habit is difficult.  

Today, I am joined by Nancy Paloma, licensed therapist and mental health expert for a therapy session about self hate.  Why do we feel it?  How do we move on?  

You can find Nancy on Instagram @paloma_therapy and her website https://palomatherapy.com/

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How can I help?  Help myself as a survivor.  Help my friend.  Help my family.  

Knowing how to help survivors of emotional abuse and domestic violence is challenging.  Especially when the survivor is AAPI. 

Today, we break down how you can help. 

Many AAPI survivors face emotional abuse their families.  From a single perpetrators, or many at once.

The pressure they face leads to them hiding abuse to avoid community shame, stay in violent relationships, or continue the cycle in the future after years of the abuse being normalized.

It is a major aspect of AAPI abuse we don't talk about. For week 8 of our AAPI Army Campaign, we tackle this issue as well as reflect on the ways societal abuse mirrors cultural and community abuse.

Anti-Asian hate crimes rose nearly 150% in 2020 according to NBC.

A mass murder in Georgia left 6 Asian women dead.

Structural racism against AAPIs routinely erases and minimizes our struggles and trauma.

For week 6 of our AAPI Army Campaign, we examine how society's treatment of AAPIs… and how it perpetuates violence against us.

For week 5 of our AAPI Army Campaign we welcome Yi Lam of the Asian Task Force Against Domestic Violence.

As an advocate who works with AAPI clients, Yi Lam shares her experience and offers insight into specific barriers they face from their families, culture, and American culture.  Among them: language barriers, Anti-Asian Hate Crimes, and cultural normalization.

Welcome back to week 4 of our AAPI Army Campaign.

Our next survivor has overcome child trafficking and familial abuse.  

As a child she was sold to a sweatshop.  As an adult, she worked as a stripper. Today she works with clients on emotional and spiritual healing.

We tend not to validate survivors who choose to participate in sex work... or sex in general.  However this is extremely important for the AAPI community due to historical and ongoing objectification and sexualization. 

Whatever a survivor chooses, it is their choice.  They have agency over their bodies and lives. 

And as allies and survivors… we are all about helping people recover and embrace their agency.

Welcome Neiva

Welcome back to week 3 in our AAPI Army Campaign. 

Our next survivor was fundamental to our campaign.  Stories like hers are what helped us contextualize and analyze our experiences.  Stories like this help us find words to convey and relate our trauma.  Realizing you are not the only one, and that someone else has felt what you felt and that you are not crazy… Stories like these help you find the words you are looking for.

Today we speak to Filipino survivor Naomi, who tells her story of familial emotional abuse, how she was able to validate her trauma, and the need to look at a survivor's experience from within their cultural framework.

Welcome to Week 3 of our AAPI Army Campaign.

To be Asian American Pacific Islander (AAPI) in this country is to feel ignored, minimized, and invisible.

It's to feel like you don't belong anywhere.  You're too white for other Asians, and too Exotic for Americans.

For myself, my team, and countless survivors, being AAPI is an inseparable part of our experience, affecting how we were abused, how we were treated as survivors, and how we process our trauma.

For the next 9 weeks, we will be sharing stories of AAPI survivors, as well as deep diving into the history of racism and objectification of Asians in the US, explore the unique barriers Asians face, and how to navigate it as a survivor and an ally.

This is our AAPI ARMY Fall 2021 Campaign.

It is our way of filling in the gaps we see in resources and tools for Asian Americans.  We are trying to create what we ourselves needed as survivors, to combat abuse from outside our communities.. And within it.

We are creating what we wish we had.  And we hope you will join us.  

Welcome to the AAPI Army.

大家好.  We have officially kicked off our AAPI Army Campaign for 2021!  For the next 9 weeks we are bringing you survivor stories, research and analysis, concluding with the launch of our AAPI Army Survivor Toolkit. 

The name of our campaign, AAPI Army, is a tribute to us, survivors and allies, boldly advocating to break the cycle of violence and abuse in the AAPI communities, seeking to share the educational tools and bravely begin the discussions that we wish we had as survivors.

Each week is a new survivor story or a deep dive into emotional abuse and domestic violence in AAPI communities.

Today's guest is an incredibly brave survivor.  Her story is one we do not hear often.  It is from a woman of color.  A queer woman of color.  A survivor of same sex abuse, still being contacted by her abuser 4 decades late. 

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This survivor is now an advocate, having volunteered at the National Domestic Violence Hotline and rape crisis centers.  Despite her amazing work, she stated during our interview that they still lack information on how to aid same sex domestic violence survivors. 

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This is why she is sharing her story.  It is her belief, and mine, that by listening to and amplifying the voices of same sex DV survivors, we can create a space where more survivors feel empowered to come forward... and we as a culture can begin to accept, embrace, and aid them properly. 

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Thank you to this brave woman for trusting me, and you the audience, with this story. 

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Happy I am officially coming out as Bisexual!

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I had a recent revelation that I had lingering internalized trauma from my homophobic abuser... as well as internal shame from a society that depicts bisexual women through the male gaze. 

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But I realized that being Bi is who I am.  And I chose to annouce it not only because I am proud to be a Bi woman of color, but for others like me who are experiencing similar trauma. 

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This is my story and my revelation and part of my healing journey. 

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Support

Navigating the legal system is challenging.  Not knowing what to expect is intimidating.  And its not for everyone.

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The legal system can be traumatic.  But it can also provide a sense of validation and empowerment. 

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Today we break it down.  Where to start, what to expect, and how to prepare. 

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Featuring Riddhi Mukhopadhyay, the Executive Director of the Sexual Violence Law Center. 

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SV Law Center provided free legal services and advocacy for survivors in WA state.  Contact them through their website: http://www.svlawcenter.org/ or call toll free (844) 991-7852

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If you are outside the state of WA and require legal services, you can search for services by state at https://www.womenslaw.org/ 

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You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to be referred: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit their website at thehotline.org

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Support

I knew I was unhappy, but I could not leave my abuser.  The thought made me anxious and panicked.  At the same time, the thought of being near him made me physically sick.  Why?

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Today I break down the phenomenon behind this.  Trauma Bonding.  

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Symptoms of strangulation can appear weeks or hours after the initial incident.  Death can occur within minutes, or weeks later.   An incident of non-fatal strangulation increases the risk of extreme violence.  It increases the risk of being killed by an intimate partner by 10 times.  

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Despite the terrifying consequences, many cases do not involve physical marks or visible signs.  Which means, first responders who attend survivors of non-fatal strangulation may miss opportunities to help survivors. 

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TW: Rape, sexual assault, and I say the word penis more times than intended. 

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For the end of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I wanted to explore the consequences of our cultural gender norms and toxic masculinity on men and boys. 

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Spring has sprung, and Covid vaccinations are rolling out at a slightly better than expected pace (yes I realize the bar is super low but...its the little victories I guess).

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While we are all starved for human interaction, we must also recognize the dangers in dating.  Particularly, online dating.  In our society especially, we tend to romanticize toxic behavior that are red flags for abuse.

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Today, we talk about these red flags.  Because I am also in need of socializing I brought on 2 amazing women, Danielle Dietzek and Julie Griggs, the founders of Fourplay Social.

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Happy Sexual Assault Awareness Month!

To celebrate we are welcoming the incredible John-Michael Lander.   As an athlete, Lander was groomed and sexually abused by his coaches, benefactors, and medical team which resulted in years of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts.  He is now an advocate, speaker, and author, breaking his silence to help other survivors.  His research, The Grooming Trifecta, provides how grooming effects everyone no matter their sexual orientation, gender, or religious beliefs. 

I used to think teaching self defense was the answer to domestic violence, until I was confronted with the reality that the martial arts world is more focused on embracing toxic masculine traits than preaching peace. 

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So what are the options for survivors who want to learn self defense, but need trauma informed training and an empathetic instructor?

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Today we speak to two instructors from Sleeping Tiger Fitness, who discuss what trauma informed self defense training looks like, how to become trauma informed as a self defense instructor, and why traditional ¨stress drills¨ are more harmful than confidence building.  Also a digression or two into waterboarding and strobe lights.  

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Over half of all female murders are by current or former intimate partners.   This year, the COVID-19 pandemic has driven rates of domestic violence and DV related homicides. 

We know this trend exists.  But what can we do about it?  

Today we welcome special guest Kathryn Jacob, the CEO and President of Safe Haven of Tarrent County.  Kathryn Jacob is an expert in her field with over 20 years experience, and is a leader in the development of early intervention techniques to reduce domestic violence fatalities.

We discuss her work at Safe Haven, the results of the 2019 Fatality Report, what its like working with law enforcement amid the murders of Breonna Taylor, George Floyde, etc, and how the COVID 19 pandemic has effected fatality rates in Tarrant County.  

Hey guys!  Couple announcements and an incredible guest interview!

Once again, we are in voting season! For those of us who have mail in ballots, no excuses.  Time to get out out vote!

And if you are looking for an incredible candidate who will be a fierce advocate for Washington...

T’wina Nobles is running for State Senate in the 28th district.   Nobles is an advocate for representing, empowering, and elevating women and girls, especially young women of color.  She is the founder of Ladies First (@Ladies1stOrg) and if elected, will be the sole Black voice in the Washington State Senate. 

We discuss her work with Ladies First, her reaction to the recent Black Lives Matter protests, and her thoughts around ¨Defund the Police.¨   

In the next couple months, our nation will reach a critical moment that could redefine our lives for the next few years.

We have an opportunity to voice our concerns about diminishing women's rights, channel our anger and frustration over our country's failure to reckon with White Supremacy, and reshape the governing body to those who we believe represent our values and morals.

Today, a discussion with a candidate who´s issues reflect the intersection of homelessness, racism, immigration, and domestic violence. 

As fond as we are of asking ¨Why doesn't she just leave?¨, it's hard to find shelter if you’re a domestic violence survivor.

In the US, the first battered women's shelters did not exist before 1970.  Fast forward to 2020, and the demand still outweighs the available resources.

The perception that finding emergency shelter is "easy" is dangerously misleading.

Today we discuss the reality.

Welcome back! This season we are going back to the basics, tackling questions about available resources for survivors and allies.  Questions such as, what is a Helpline?  What is a women's shelter?  How can I help? 

Today, we are starting with all things Helpline.  What is it?  Who answers the phone?  Who is allowed to call? 

Welcome back to season 3.