With That Being Said
By Esther Boykin
With That Being SaidMar 19, 2019
It's Always You... Even When It's Them
In this episode of "With That Being Said", Esther and Erica share about the importance of setting AND communicating your boundaries with others. No relationship is without boundaries, so Esther and Erica discuss how you can communicate your boundaries even when it's difficult, and why they believe boundaries are actually necessary to form meaningful connections.
If you enjoy "With That Being Said" and want more of Esther and Erica, check out their Instagram Live Show "Live with E+E" on Tuesday's at 12 PM EST. You can find E+E on both Esther and Erica's Instagrams (linked below).
Esther's Instagram: @estherbmft
Erica's Instagram: @rosewatertherapy
Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word's Instagram: @therapyisnotadirtyword
If you have ideas for future episodes, or comments on the show, feel free to reach out to Esther and/or Erica on Instagram or at podcast@therapyisnotadirtyword.com.
Thanks for listening!
Episode with James Bland
In this episode of "With That Being Said", Esther and Erica talk with special guest James Bland! James is a content creator, film maker, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is the creator, show runner and star of the award winning digital drama, Giants. Esther, Erica and James discuss the stigma around mental health, especially in communities of color, and how James is using his platform in Hollywood to help end it. They also discuss the truth about what mental illness looks like, the importance of being real, and (of course!) Esther and Erica ask James about his experience at the Emmy's!
You can find James on Instagram and Twitter: @jrbland
You can watch Giants on Issa Rae's Youtube Channel here, or on Cleo TV.
You can find Giants on Instagram and Twitter: @giantstheseries
Or visit Giant's website here.
If you enjoy "With That Being Said" and want more of Esther and Erica, check out their Instagram Live Show "Live with E+E" on Tuesday's at 12 PM EST. You can find E+E on both Esther and Erica's Instagrams (linked below).
Esther's Instagram: @estherbmft
Erica's Instagram: @rosewatertherapy
Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word's Instagram: @therapyisnotadirtyword
Links mentioned in the episode:
Therapy is Not a Dirty Word Happy Hour Events
How Long is this Gonna Take?!
In this episode of "With That Being Said", Esther and Erica discuss how to set realistic expectations for therapy and answer the frequently asked question from clients - "How long is this going to take?" (spoiler: you probably won't like the answer). Esther and Erica also share how things like doing the work between sessions, consistency, and being honest with your therapist can really help move the process along!
If you enjoy "With That Being Said" and want more of Esther and Erica, check out their Instagram Live Show "Live with E+E" on Tuesday's at 12 PM EST. You can find E+E on both Esther and Erica's Instagrams (linked below).
Esther's Instagram: @estherbmft
Erica's Instagram: @rosewatertherapy
Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word's Instagram: @therapyisnotadirtyword
Links mentioned in the episode:
Esther's Book: How's Your Heart
Technology Won't Save You
On this episode of "With That Being Said", Esther and Erica discuss the times when technology is actually getting in the way of our relationships with others. Don't worry, this isn't like a lecture from your mom about how your cellphone is going to kill you. Esther and Erica take the stance that in general technology can assist relationships, but the problem is when technology is used to avoid all awkward and uncomfortable conversations. With more and more people struggling with feeling lonely, the answer (shockingly) may actually be more human interaction - even when the conversations are uncomfortable. Listen and laugh as Esther and Erica share their thoughts on some of the new technology that is impeding social skills.
If you enjoy "With That Being Said" and want more of Esther and Erica, check out their Instagram Live Show "Live with E+E" on Tuesday's at 12 PM EST. You can find E+E on both Esther and Erica's Instagrams (linked below).
Esther's Instagram: @estherbmft
Erica's Instagram: @rosewatertherapy
Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word's Instagram: @therapyisnotadirtyword
Links mentioned in the episode:
LoveSync (the sex button) Kickstarter
The Atlantic - Why Are Young People Are Having So Little Sex?
Unpopular Opinion About Forgiveness
On this episode of "With That Being Said", Esther and Erica share their "unpopular" opinion about forgiveness. They dive into the complexities of forgiveness, from the strict dictionary definition definition, to why there seems to be so much value placed on forgiveness. Esther and Erica make the case that forgiveness is a process, and not a destination and sometimes it's choosing between what takes more energy: to hate or to forgive.
If you enjoy "With That Being Said" and want more of Esther and Erica, check out their Instagram Live Show "Live with E+E" on Tuesday's at 12 PM EST. You can find E+E on both Esther and Erica's Instagrams (linked below).
Esther's Instagram: @estherbmft
Erica's Instagram: @rosewatertherapy
Therapy Is Not A Dirty Word's Instagram: @therapyisnotadirtyword
Don't Be Listening To Your Lil Instagram Friend
On this episode of "With That Being Said", Esther and Erica discuss all the internet advice you're reading and need to stop. They'll share examples of:
- bad advice they've seen online, and what makes it bad
- advice that isn't bad, but isn't good for you
And will share tips on how you can evaluate what advice is helpful to you and what advice is not.
Upcoming Events Mentioned:
- Viva Vienna (May 25-27th, 2019): more information about the event available at http://vivavienna.org/default.aspx
- Therapy Is Not a Dirty Word Q&A Happy Hour (May 31, 2019): more information and tickets available at https://www.eventbrite.com/e/therapy-is-not-a-dirty-word-q-a-happy-hour-washington-dc-tickets-51824773292
Let's Talk About Sex with Pam Costa
On this episode of "With That Being Said" we chat with sex and relationship coach Pam Costa. We'll discuss a range of topics related to sex, including the importance of having a community you can talk candidly with about sex (especially for women!), what you can expect in sex therapy, and about open and poly-amorous relationships.
Pam's Website: www.downtothere.com
Circles: www.downtothere.com/circles
Pam's TEDx Talk: "Reclaiming Female Sexual Desire"
Self Care with Jerico Mandybur
Bad Parents
On this episode of "With That Being Said" Esther and Erica discuss two tragic cases of 'what were the parents thinking?' and discuss why it's not helpful -- and even dangerous -- to view people as wholly bad or good.
*Warning: this episode contains an audio clip about sexual assault that some listeners may find triggering.
Twitter Video: pic.twitter.com/tQcA4Ogk91
Abducted in Plain Sight: https://www.netflix.com/title/81000864
Our Fave TV Couples
In this episode Esther and Erica share their 3 favorite TV couples - who they think have the ingredients for a successful marriage (with some debate of course).
*Spoiler Alert: the shows are linked below so don't click the link if you don't want to know the picks yet!*
Getting to know Erica
As we settle into our second season of the podcast, Esther and Erica finally decide it's time you get to know more about them! Tune in to find out what makes Erica Turner, LMFT really tick.
Here are Erica's most influential books:
The History of Love, Nicole Krauss - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393328627/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_cIlACb4TJ31FH
The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061148520/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_KDlACb8BVSAH6
Becoming Attached, Robert Karen - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195115015/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_FJlACbD6TRQPE
Middlemarch, George Eliot - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1853262374/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_OLlACbB96CYRC
Who is Esther, really?
Here are Esther's 5 most influential books:
Slaughter House 5, Kurt Vonnegut - amzn.to/2DiJmb2
Temple of My Familiar, Alice Walker - amzn.to/2SGLPR2
Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neal Hurston - amzn.to/2yMF9IT
The Gift of Therapy, Irvin Yalom - amzn.to/2QbY9qU
The 8 Habits of Love, Ed Bacon - amzn.to/2QbY9qU
I'll Never Retreat
Want to read about the couple who run away from their marriage retreat? Here's the link - www.salon.com/2010/05/13/escape_from_marriage_retreat_hell/
And if you haven't watched Couples Retreat, check it out here amzn.to/2DcylYD so you can accurately judge Esther's movie tastes once and for all! ;-)
Jay-Z Is Making Therapist Porn
Nearly every therapist fantasizes about creating a space where men are comfortable to openly discuss their feelings and relationships. And this fall JAy-Z made all our dreams come true! Tune in to hearEsther and Erica swoon over the 4:44 video as the men tackle topics like love, infidelity, masculinity, and role modelswith vulnerability, honesty, and insight that would make any therapist proud.
#9 Adulting is Hard
Today we are joined by 4 smart, funny, and brutally honest college students for a frank discussion on what it means to really become an adult in the modern age.
Show Notes RLW {Read Listen Watch}:
Read Esther's pick-
Fascinate: Your 7 Triggers to Persuasion and Captivation by Sally Hogshead
Want to get a free report on your 7 triggers? Visit www.howtofascinate.com and use promo code JOY-EstherB
Read Erica's pick-
Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid
Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {look.. Erica's on Instagram now!!!}
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
#10 It Takes a Village with Sequoia Blodgett
Today we are joined by entrepreneur Sequoia Blodgett, star of ABC Family's StartUp U and founder of 7AM Life.
Check out episodes of StartUp U online be sure to visit www.7am.life. You can also follow Sequoia on Twitter and Instagram.
Show Notes RLW {Read Listen Watch}:Read Erica's pick-
Ghettoized by Jill Leovy
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Interested in the article Esther mentioned about swearing? Here it is... 5 Reasons I Don’t Give An Eff About Swearing In Front Of My Kids by Kate Levkoff (@nursingcursing)
Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid
Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {look.. Erica's on Instagram now!!!}
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
#11 Your Therapist is Anxious with Jodi Aman
Today we are joined by Jodi Aman, therapist and author of You 1, Anxiety 0: win your freedom back from fear and panic.
Don't forget to follow her on Twitter and Instagram for more tips and encouragement to embrace what you feel on your journey to emotional freedom.
Show Notes RLW {Read Listen Watch}:Watch Esther's pick- {can't see the Sidewalk Talk video? click here.}
Watch Erica's pick - {can't see the empathy video? Click Here}
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:We want to hear your thoughts! Leave your feedback on this week's therapist problems in the comments.
Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid
Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {look.. Erica's on Instagram now!!!}
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
#12 Get Your Life with Mo Seetubtim
Today we are joined by Mo Seetubtim, founder of the blog Brandmentalist and creator of The Happiness Planner.
Mo's passion for living with intention and passion is inspiring and the complex relationship with her parents bring a refreshing perspective to what could've been just another pretty blog. Don't miss her beautiful and thoughtful messages- follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Show Notes RLW {Read Listen Watch}:Listen to Erica's pick-
Reply All podcast - Episode #64: On the Inside
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:In this episode we talk about the complexities of ending therapy. Do you have a story about terminating therapy? Who decided it was time to take a break? Was it a permanent thing or did you go back again later? We want to hear your thoughts!
Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid
Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {look.. Erica's on Instagram now!!!}
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
#13 Alone in the Burbs with Traci Ruble
Today we are joined by Traci Ruble of Psyched in San Francisco and the founder/director of Sidewalk Talk.
Traci is one of those rare people who I (Esther) immediately clicked with on seemingly every level- basically she rocks. Tune in as Erica gently pulls us out of our mutual suburban angst with some spot on insights on life in the city. We will also talk about the joys of listening - on the street and in our offices!
Be sure you follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
Show Notes RLW {Read Listen Watch}:Read Erica's picks-
What's Not Yours is Not Yours by Helen Oyeyemi
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:We want to hear your thoughts!
Don't forget to send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid
Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {look.. Erica's on Instagram now!!!}
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
#8 Black People Really Do Go To Therapy with Minaa B
Today we are joined by Minaa B. of RespectYourStruggle.com. Minaa is a on a mission and the first day of Black History month is the perfect time for us to share it. As therapists, black women, and human beings in general we admire her courage in sharing her personal struggle and love how she has used it to give voice to so many others. Tune in now as we talk about how #TherapyIsNotADirtyWord and why talking about our struggle is the first step to overcoming it.
LISTEN NOWSHOW NOTES
Be sure to visit RespectYourStruggle.com to see fresh new site and pick up your super cute RSY tee today!. You can also find Minaa on Twitter and Instagram.
RLW {Read Listen Watch}:This American Life was Erica's RLW for today and while the entire podcast is wonderful we are particularly sharing episode #567. A powerful, disturbing, and incredibly insightful glimpse at what it's like inside of an abusive relationship. The statistics related to abusive relationships, including among teens, is frightening but as we discussed with Minaa, the first step to making changes is understanding what the real struggle is. And as a special bonus... I also have a RLW today! The Pocket Therapist by Therese Borchard is one of my favorite books to give and read. Every chapter is short but packed with the best of the best advice she's gotten from varied experiences in therapy. Perfect when you are having a rough day, whether you're in therapy or not.
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Today we talked about our real and perceived duty to be ambassadors for therapists everywhere. One of the biggest obstacles for many people who are hesitant to try therapy is the misconceptions of who and what therapists are like. Listen in as we discuss how we work to find balance between being a non-judgmental listening ear and maintaining good boundaries. Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook | Instagram {look.. Erica's on Instagram now!!!}
With That Being Said, don't forget to#7 Pajamas All Day with Tara Jefferson
It's seems rather apropros that in the aftermath of one of the east coast's worst snow storms that today's episode is all about wearing pajamas all day! Erica and I are joined by Tara Jefferson of the YoungMommyLife.com to talk about self-care, motherhood, and why sometimes pajamas all day is the only answer.
LISTEN NOWSHOW NOTES
You can find more about Tara at TheYoungMommyLife.com. Be sure to follow her on Twitter and Instagram for more information on her excited new venture the Self Care Box {you want one! trust us}
RLW {Read Listen Watch}:The Hidden Brain podcast {if you are interested in the episode on Switch Tracking, it's episode 1}
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Today we talked about what to do when your couple friends are always bickering when you go out. It's a tricky balance but we have some solutions for you to consider. And if you are thinking about ditching that couple, read this for a quick reminder that even though they may annoy you, having couple friends is actually good for your relationship. Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook {look.. Erica's on Instagram now!!!}
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!#6 Who wants to be happy: with Chianti Lomax
Seems like an obvious question... don't we all want to be happy? Maybe so but we also put up some serious barriers to happiness, including how we choose to define and how we open our heart to it (or not). On today's show we are joined by speaker, consultant, coach, and 'happiness curator', Chianti Lomax for a serious discussion of what it really means to be happy. Chianti has a passion for positive psychology and millennial which combines into a pretty awesome interview. Tune in now to discover who really wants to be happy and simple everyday things you can do to make it happen! We even stumbled upon a great new mantra... [caption id="attachment_1857" align="aligncenter" width="300"] photo credit www.jenngietzen.tumblr.com[/caption]
LISTEN NOWSHOW NOTES
Follow Chianti on Twitter and Instagram and be sure to check out her gorgeous new blog and website for more information on her happiness curation services.
RLW {Read Listen Watch}:Rising Strong by Brene Brown and because we love her so much... here's my favorite of all her books and a cool new free course she's offering! The Gifts of Imperfection and The Anatomy of Trust {free e-course}
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Today we talked about the assumption that therapists are really mind-readers with therapeutic Jedi mind control. Sadly we do not have the powers but that doesn't stop people from treating us like we do... Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!#5 Motherhood Isn't Everything with Maimah Karmo
It feels almost blasphemous as a mom to say that motherhood isn't everything in my life... and yet it's not. And I don't think it should be. {gasp} On today's episode of With That Being Said, Erica and I chat with Maimah Karmo about the role passion, purpose, and parenthood have in her life and the lives of women everywhere. Maimah is a philanthropist, author, speaker, and pretty amazing mom who believes that there is more to life than just meeting the needs of others- even if "others" means your kids.
Even if you aren't a mom, the conversation on this episode will still resonate. We all know what it is to set aside our dreams for another person out of love- join the conversation and let's talk about why that might not be such a a good idea. As a special bonus for my blog readers- I want to give you all free access to one of my favorite "strength/personality quizzes.
Sally Hogshead's How to Fascinate book and corresponding quiz are... well, fascinating. She approaches the idea of 'what should i do with my life' from the perspective of not how you see yourself but rather how others experience you. It's an eye-opening look at how you influence the world around and a great glimpse into what your purpose might be. Simply go to www.howtofascinate.com/you and enter Access Code JOY-EstherB to take a free assessment. I'd love to hear what you learn about yourself in the process... leave your comments below.
SHOW NOTESFollow Maimah on Twitter and Instagram and be sure to check out Bliss Magazine and Tigerlily Foundation
RLW {Read Listen Watch} THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Today we talked about bumping into your therapist outside of the therapy room- while it's really no big deal, I thought I'd share this article with a few tips on what you might expect. Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!#4 Let's Get Hitched With Steve Cooper
Today Esther and Erica are joined by Steve Cooper of HitchedMag.com to talk all things married life. Listen in as they talk about the ups and downs and genuine joys of being a couple and investing in a healthy relationship. And find out why Steve is in fact the 'Hugh Hefner' of marriage! It's by far the most accurate and favorite nickname of any guest so far...
SHOW NOTES HitchedMag.com | Follow Steve on Twitter @HitchedMedia RLW {Read Listen Watch}
Read Masters of Love in The Atlantic Listen to Science of Relationships Watch Tell Me You Love Me
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
#3 Let's Heal Our Ish with Laura Probert
Today Esther and Erica tackle the sometimes ambiguous idea of awareness. With their guest expert, Laura Probert, we discover that "the difference between living a life that feels meh and living a life that feels magical" is learning to be vulnerable. Laura is a physical therapist, poet, and wellness expert who has made it her mission to help people get out of their heads and into their bodies. Join the conversation and listen in as Laura explains why awareness is "the difference between living a life that feels meh and living a life that feels magical".
SHOW NOTES
Laura Probert: www.lauraprobert.com Twitter @LiveHealTKD
Meet Laura IRL along with Esther and Erica at Cocktails and Conversations on Love in DC {Jan 20,2016}RLW {Read Listen Watch} Song Exploder Podcast THERAPIST PROBLEMS: ASMR {Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response} Esther's Playlists This is what I listen to when I need to shut out the world so I can write And this is what I listen to when I'm mad at my hubby but probably shouldn't be
#2 Marriage is not that hard
Marriage is work but is it really that hard? Esther and Erica discuss the joys and challenges of married life, which may not be hard as we seem to think it is. Join the conversation as we talk about all the ways we make the 'work' of marriage harder than it has to be. And don't miss this episode's RLW {Read, Listen, Watch} where Erica shares her thoughts on the interesting way we all hold our own truths... especially in marriage.
With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review! SHOW NOTES So first an apology to Chrissy {not Christy!} Teigen! Sometimes we get the names wrong but we are still big fans RLW {Read Listen Watch}
Fates & Furies THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook
#1 Love is Not a Drive-Thru
Today Esther Boykin and Erica Turner are joined by writer, speaker, and dating expert, Kevin Carr. Kevin chats with us about all the reasons love is not a drive-thru and why killing your dreams is sometimes the key to finding your happily ever after.
SHOW NOTES
Kevin Carr:
www.kevinscarr.com
Twitter @Kev_Carr
Instagram #WhatI’mLearningAboutDating @kev_carr
Meet Kevin IRL along with Esther and Erica at Cocktails and Conversations on Love in DC {Jan 20,2016} RLW {Read Listen Watch}Body Integrity Identity Disorder is the illness where you believe that a limb is not your own
THERAPIST PROBLEMS:Don't forget to go watch Nightcrawler
Tweet Esther @estherbmft and Erica @GTAtherapists with your comments and questions
#0 - With That Being Said, Welcome to Our Podcast
We've got a fresh new look and are busy recording some fresh new episodes! Check out the new look while catching up on our original episodes for the next several weeks.
With That Being Said is a long conversation about life, love, and everything in between. Hosted by therapists and relationship experts Esther Boykin and Erica Turner this podcast dedicated to giving listeners smart, fun, insightful advice on life, love, and everything in between.