With That Being Said

With That Being Said

By Esther Boykin
Join Esther Boykin and Erica Turner, two licensed marriage & family therapists who run Therapy is Not a Dirty Word- a collection of workshops, retreats, happy hours, and other awesome ways to bring people and therapists together in real life. We bring professional expertise into beautiful, fun, and inspiring settings to make the wisdom of therapy more accessible to everyone.

With that being said… let’s start the podcast!


|Psst... podcasts aren't therapy. Please consult a health professional in person for real life help as needed|
Don't Be Listening To Your Lil Instagram Friend
On this episode of "With That Being Said", Esther and Erica discuss all the internet advice you're reading and need to stop. They'll share examples of: - bad advice they've seen online, and what makes it bad - advice that isn't bad, but isn't good for you And will share tips on how you can evaluate what advice is helpful to you and what advice is not.  Upcoming Events Mentioned: - Viva Vienna (May 25-27th, 2019): more information about the event available at http://vivavienna.org/default.aspx  - Therapy Is Not a Dirty Word Q&A Happy Hour (May 31, 2019): more information and tickets available at  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/therapy-is-not-a-dirty-word-q-a-happy-hour-washington-dc-tickets-51824773292 
53:36
April 30, 2019
Let's Talk About Sex with Pam Costa
On this episode of "With That Being Said" we chat with sex and relationship coach Pam Costa.  We'll discuss a range of topics related to sex, including the importance of having a community you can talk candidly with about sex (especially for women!), what you can expect in sex therapy, and about open and poly-amorous relationships.   Pam's Website:  www.downtothere.com  Circles: www.downtothere.com/circles   Pam's  TEDx Talk: "Reclaiming Female Sexual Desire"
54:39
April 16, 2019
Self Care with Jerico Mandybur
On this episode of "With That Being Said" we chat with writer and self-care advocate Jerico Mandybur about how to manage your self-care and reclaim what brings you joy. We also discuss the role of social media in our lives, self-exploration and Tarot.  Jerico's Tarot Book and Deck available NOW -  Neo Tarot: A Fresh Approach to Self-Care, Healing & Empowerment Jerico's Website:  jericomandybur.com  Jerico's Instagram: @jerico.mandybur
40:09
April 2, 2019
Bad Parents
On this episode of "With That Being Said" Esther and Erica discuss two tragic cases of 'what were the parents thinking?' and discuss why it's not helpful -- and even dangerous -- to view people as wholly bad or good.  *Warning: this episode contains an audio clip about sexual assault that some listeners may find triggering.  Twitter Video:  pic.twitter.com/tQcA4Ogk91  Abducted in Plain Sight: https://www.netflix.com/title/81000864 
1:04:06
March 19, 2019
Our Fave TV Couples
 In this episode Esther and Erica share their 3 favorite TV couples - who they think have the ingredients for a successful marriage (with some debate of course). *Spoiler Alert: the shows are linked below so don't click the link if you don't want to know the picks yet!* --The 'Good Enough' Couple --The 'Has The Potential To Go The Distance' Couple --The 'All Time Favorite' Couple
1:12:31
March 5, 2019
Getting to know Erica
 As we settle into our second season of the podcast, Esther and Erica finally decide it's time you get to know more about them! Tune in to find out what makes Erica Turner, LMFT really tick.  Here are Erica's most influential books:  The History of Love, Nicole Krauss - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393328627/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_cIlACb4TJ31FH The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061148520/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_KDlACb8BVSAH6  Becoming Attached, Robert Karen - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195115015/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_FJlACbD6TRQPE Middlemarch, George Eliot - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1853262374/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_OLlACbB96CYRC
30:13
February 19, 2019
Who is Esther, really?
As we settle into our second season of the podcast, Esther and Erica finally decide it's time you get to know more about them! Tune in to find out what makes Esther Boykin, LMFT really tick. Here are Esther's 5 most influential books: Slaughter House 5, Kurt Vonnegut - https://amzn.to/2DiJmb2 Temple of My Familiar, Alice Walker - https://amzn.to/2SGLPR2 Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neal Hurston - https://amzn.to/2yMF9IT The Gift of Therapy, Irvin Yalom - https://amzn.to/2QbY9qU The 8 Habits of Love, Ed Bacon - https://amzn.to/2QbY9qU
20:41
February 12, 2019
I'll Never Retreat
In today's episode Esther and Erica discuss the pros and cons of going on a retreat. Erica makes the case that it's a lot like taking your work on vacation with you and Esther sets out to convince her otherwise... Want to read about the couple who run away from their marriage retreat? Here's the link - https://www.salon.com/2010/05/13/escape_from_marriage_retreat_hell/ And if you haven't watched Couples Retreat, check it out here https://amzn.to/2DcylYD so you can accurately judge Esther's movie tastes once and for all! ;-)
36:11
October 31, 2018
Jay-Z Is Making Therapist Porn
Nearly every therapist fantasizes about creating a space where men are comfortable to openly discuss their feelings and  relationships. And this fall JAy-Z made all our dreams come true! Tune in to hearEsther and Erica  swoon over the 4:44 video as the men tackle topics like love, infidelity, masculinity, and role modelswith vulnerability, honesty, and insight that would make any therapist proud.
1:10:41
December 29, 2017
#9 Adulting is Hard
Today we are joined by 4 smart, funny, and brutally honest college students for a frank discussion on what it means to really become an adult in the modern age.    Show Notes   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: Read Esther's pick-  Fascinate: Your 7 Triggers to Persuasion and Captivation by Sally Hogshead Want to get a free report on your 7 triggers?  Visit www.howtofascinate.com and use promo code JOY-EstherB Read Erica's pick-  Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg   THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid  Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook  Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {
1:37:31
August 25, 2017
#10 It Takes a Village with Sequoia Blodgett
Today we are joined by entrepreneur Sequoia Blodgett, star of ABC Family's StartUp U and founder of 7AM Life. Check out episodes of StartUp U online be sure to visit www.7am.life.  You can also follow Sequoia on Twitter and Instagram. Show Notes   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: Read Erica's pick-  Ghettoized by Jill Leovy   THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Interested in the article Esther mentioned about swearing?  Here it is... 5 Reasons I Don’t Give An Eff About Swearing In Front Of My Kids by Kate Levkoff (@nursingcursing) Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid  Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook  Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {
49:41
August 25, 2017
#11 Your Therapist is Anxious with Jodi Aman
  Today we are joined by Jodi Aman, therapist and author of You 1, Anxiety 0: win your freedom back from fear and panic. Don't forget to follow her on Twitter and Instagram for more tips and encouragement to embrace what you feel on your journey to emotional freedom.   Show Notes   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: Watch Esther's pick- {can't see the Sidewalk Talk video? click here.}   Watch Erica's pick - {can't see the empathy video? Click Here}   THERAPIST PROBLEMS: We want to hear your thoughts! Leave your feedback on this week's therapist problems in the comments. Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid  Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook  Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {
1:11:04
August 18, 2017
#12 Get Your Life with Mo Seetubtim
Today we are joined by Mo Seetubtim, founder of the blog Brandmentalist and creator of The Happiness Planner. Mo's passion for living with intention and passion is inspiring and the complex relationship with her parents bring a refreshing perspective to what could've been just another pretty blog.  Don't miss her beautiful and thoughtful messages- follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Show Notes   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: Listen to Erica's pick-  Reply All podcast - Episode #64: On the Inside   THERAPIST PROBLEMS: In this episode we talk about the complexities of ending therapy.  Do you have a story about terminating therapy?  Who decided it was time to take a break? Was it a permanent thing or did you go back again later?  We want to hear your thoughts! Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid  Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook  Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {
1:15:33
August 11, 2017
#13 Alone in the Burbs with Traci Ruble
  Today we are joined by Traci Ruble of Psyched in San Francisco and the founder/director of Sidewalk Talk. Traci is one of those rare people who I (Esther) immediately clicked with on seemingly every level- basically she rocks.  Tune in as Erica gently pulls us out of our mutual suburban angst with some spot on insights on life in the city.  We will also talk about the joys of listening - on the street and in our offices! Be sure you follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Show Notes   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: Read Erica's picks-  What's Not Yours is Not Yours by Helen Oyeyemi   THERAPIST PROBLEMS: We want to hear your thoughts! Don't forget to send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS Tag us and use the hashtag #WithThatBeingSaid  Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook  Erica: Twitter | Facebook |Instagram {
57:52
August 4, 2017
#8 Black People Really Do Go To Therapy with Minaa B
Today we are joined by Minaa B. of RespectYourStruggle.com.  Minaa is a on a mission and the first day of Black History month is the perfect time for us to share it.  As therapists, black women, and human beings in general we admire her courage in sharing her personal struggle and love how she has used it to give voice to so many others.  Tune in now as we talk about how #TherapyIsNotADirtyWord and why talking about our struggle is the first step to overcoming it. LISTEN NOW   SHOW NOTES Be sure to visit RespectYourStruggle.com to see fresh new site and pick up your super cute RSY tee today!.  You can also find Minaa on Twitter and Instagram.   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: This American Life was Erica's RLW for today and while the entire podcast is wonderful we are particularly sharing episode #567.  A powerful, disturbing, and incredibly insightful glimpse at what it's like inside of an abusive relationship.  The statistics related to abusive relationships, including among teens, is frightening but as we discussed with Minaa, the first step to making changes is understanding what the real struggle is. And as a special bonus... I also have a RLW today!  The Pocket Therapist by Therese Borchard is one of my favorite books to give and read.  Every chapter is short but packed with the best of the best advice she's gotten from varied experiences in therapy.  Perfect when you are having a rough day, whether you're in therapy or not. THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Today we talked about our real and perceived duty to be ambassadors for therapists everywhere.  One of the biggest obstacles for many people who are hesitant to try therapy is the misconceptions of who and what therapists are like. Listen in as we discuss how we work to find balance between being a non-judgmental listening ear and maintaining good boundaries. Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook | Instagram {
1:03:47
July 21, 2017
#7 Pajamas All Day with Tara Jefferson
It's seems rather apropros that in the aftermath of one of the east coast's worst snow storms that today's episode is all about wearing pajamas all day!  Erica and I are joined by Tara Jefferson of the YoungMommyLife.com to talk about self-care, motherhood, and why sometimes pajamas all day is the only answer. LISTEN NOW   SHOW NOTES You can find more about Tara at TheYoungMommyLife.com.  Be sure to follow her on Twitter and Instagram for more information on her excited new venture the Self Care Box {you want one! trust us}   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: The Hidden Brain podcast {if you are interested in the episode on Switch Tracking, it's episode 1} THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Today we talked about what to do when your couple friends are always bickering when you go out.  It's a tricky balance but we have some solutions for you to consider. And if you are thinking about ditching  that  couple, read this for a quick reminder that even though they may annoy you, having couple friends is actually good for your relationship. Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook {
40:57
July 14, 2017
#6 Who wants to be happy: with Chianti Lomax
  Seems like an obvious question... don't we all want to be happy?  Maybe so but we also put up some serious barriers to happiness, including how we choose to define and how we open our heart to it (or not). On today's show we are joined by speaker, consultant, coach, and 'happiness curator', Chianti Lomax for a serious discussion of what it really means to be happy.  Chianti has a passion for positive psychology and millennial which combines into a pretty awesome interview. Tune in now to discover who really wants to be happy and simple everyday things you can do to make it happen!  We even stumbled upon a great new mantra... [caption id="attachment_1857" align="aligncenter" width="300"] photo credit www.jenngietzen.tumblr.com[/caption] LISTEN NOW   SHOW NOTES Follow Chianti on Twitter and Instagram and be sure to check out her gorgeous new blog and website for more information on her happiness curation services.   RLW {Read Listen Watch}: Rising Strong by Brene Brown and because we love her so much... here's my favorite of all her books and a cool new free course she's offering! The Gifts of Imperfection and The Anatomy of Trust {free e-course}   THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Today we talked about the assumption that therapists are really mind-readers with therapeutic Jedi mind control.  Sadly we do not have the powers but that doesn't stop people from treating us like we do... Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
1:03:05
July 14, 2017
#5 Motherhood Isn't Everything with Maimah Karmo
It feels almost blasphemous as a mom to say that motherhood isn't everything in my life... and yet it's not.  And I don't think it should be. {gasp} On today's episode of With That Being Said, Erica and I chat with Maimah Karmo about the role passion, purpose, and parenthood have in her life and the lives of women everywhere.  Maimah is a philanthropist, author, speaker, and pretty amazing mom who believes that there is more to life than just meeting the needs of others- even if "others" means your kids. Even if you aren't a mom, the conversation on this episode will still resonate.  We all know what it is to set aside our dreams for another person out of love- join the conversation and let's talk about why that might not be such a a good idea. As a special bonus for my blog readers- I want to give you all free access to one of my favorite "strength/personality quizzes.   Sally Hogshead's How to Fascinate book and corresponding quiz are... well, fascinating.  She approaches the idea of 'what should i do with my life' from the perspective of not how you see yourself but rather how others experience you.  It's an eye-opening look at how you influence the world around and a great glimpse into what your purpose might be. Simply go to www.howtofascinate.com/you and enter Access Code JOY-EstherB to take a free assessment.  I'd love to hear what you learn about yourself in the process... leave your comments below.  SHOW NOTES Follow Maimah on Twitter and Instagram and be sure to check out Bliss Magazine and Tigerlily Foundation RLW {Read Listen Watch} The Mindy Project THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Today we talked about bumping into your therapist outside  of the therapy room- while it's really no big deal, I thought I'd share this article with a few tips on what you might expect. Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!
1:03:36
July 7, 2017
#4 Let's Get Hitched With Steve Cooper
Today Esther and Erica are joined by Steve Cooper of HitchedMag.com to talk all things married life. Listen in as they talk about the ups and downs and genuine joys of being a couple and investing in a healthy relationship. And find out why Steve is in fact the 'Hugh Hefner' of marriage!  It's by far the most accurate and favorite nickname of any guest so far...     SHOW NOTES HitchedMag.com | Follow Steve on Twitter @HitchedMedia RLW {Read Listen Watch} Read Masters of Love in The Atlantic Listen to Science of Relationships Watch Tell Me You Love Me THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS #WithThatBeingSaid Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review!  
39:47
June 30, 2017
#3 Let's Heal Our Ish with Laura Probert
Today Esther and Erica tackle the sometimes ambiguous idea of awareness. With their guest expert, Laura Probert, we discover that "the difference between living a life that feels meh and living a life that feels magical" is learning to be vulnerable. Laura is a physical therapist, poet, and wellness expert who has made it her mission to help people get out of their heads and into their bodies. Join the conversation and listen in as Laura explains why awareness is "the difference between living a life that feels meh and living a life that feels magical".   SHOW NOTES Laura Probert: www.lauraprobert.com Twitter @LiveHealTKD Meet Laura IRL along with Esther and Erica at Cocktails and Conversations on Love in DC {Jan 20,2016} RLW {Read Listen Watch} Song Exploder Podcast THERAPIST PROBLEMS: ASMR {Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response} Esther's Playlists This is what I listen to when I need to shut out the world so I can write And this is what I listen to when I'm mad at my hubby but probably shouldn't be   
42:56
June 30, 2017
#2 Marriage is not that hard
Marriage is work but is it really that hard?  Esther and Erica discuss the joys and challenges of married life, which may not be hard as we seem to think it is.  Join the conversation as we talk about all the ways we make the 'work' of marriage harder than it has to be. And don't miss this episode's RLW {Read, Listen, Watch} where Erica shares her thoughts on the interesting way we all hold our own truths... especially in marriage.   With That Being Said, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review! SHOW NOTES So first an apology to Chrissy {not Christy!} Teigen!  Sometimes we get the names wrong but we are still big fans RLW {Read Listen Watch} Fates & Furies THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Don't forget to go send us your questions and suggestions for THERAPIST PROBLEMS  Esther: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook Erica: Twitter | Facebook
50:45
June 23, 2017
#1 Love is Not a Drive-Thru
Today Esther Boykin and Erica Turner are joined by writer, speaker, and dating expert, Kevin Carr. Kevin chats with us about all the reasons love is not a drive-thru and why killing your dreams is sometimes the key to finding your happily ever after.   SHOW NOTES Kevin Carr: www.kevinscarr.com Twitter @Kev_Carr Instagram #WhatI’mLearningAboutDating @kev_carr Meet Kevin IRL along with Esther and Erica at Cocktails and Conversations on Love in DC {Jan 20,2016}  RLW {Read Listen Watch} The Man Who Wasn’t There Body Integrity Identity Disorder is the illness where you believe that a limb is not your own THERAPIST PROBLEMS: Don't forget to go watch Nightcrawler Tweet Esther @estherbmft and Erica @GTAtherapists with your comments and questions
56:12
June 14, 2017
#0 - With That Being Said, Welcome to Our Podcast
We've got a fresh new look and are busy recording some fresh new episodes!  Check out the new look while catching up on our original episodes for the next several weeks.     With That Being Said is a long conversation about life, love, and everything in between. Hosted by therapists and relationship experts Esther Boykin and Erica Turner this podcast dedicated to giving listeners smart, fun, insightful advice on life, love, and everything in between.
08:36
May 19, 2017
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