Adulthood Friends

How does identity shape our views in life? What happens if we lose an identity? In this episode, Aya and Josh delve into the complex tapestry of identity, exploring its various types (personal, social, cultural, gender, professional, digital/online) and formation, as well as communal identity, Jewish identity, the persistence/fluidity of identity, losing an identity, challenging or questioning the legitimacy of an identity, coping with shameful identities, conflicting identities, false or mistaken identities, validating identities, identity crises, identity politics, self-identification forms, the Ship of Theseus, group-think, gatekeeping, and how identity can ultimately grant purpose to our lives.

How does questioning our core beliefs and assumptions lead to more informed and empathetic viewpoints? What practical steps can we take to achieve this? In this episode, Aya and Josh challenge some of their own deeply held beliefs, drawing inspiration from Megan Phelps-Roper’s podcast “The Witch Trials of JK Rowling” and Anne-Laure Le Cunff’s insights in “Deliberate Doubt: The Art of Questioning Our Assumptions," exploring deliberate doubt vs. indiscriminate skepticism (e.g., conspiratorial thinking), the scientific method, the reliability of trusting one's gut, the challenges of polarization, the gun debate, Megan Phelps-Roper's 6 questions to ask ourselves, the value of listening to opposing views (e.g., Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro, Sam Harris, Matt Walsh), notable practitioners of deliberate doubt (e.g., Socrates, Galileo, Marie Curie, Albert Einstein), and the pitfalls of making beliefs a part of one's identity (e.g., religious beliefs).

Special Guest: Jacob J. Tanenbaum. Are guns the best form of self-defense? Should we arm school teachers? In this episode, Aya and Josh continue their debate on gun violence with Jacob, exploring police shootings, the effectiveness of guns compared to other defenses (dogs, cameras, police, Tasers), gun control measures/perspectives in other countries (UK, Israel, Australia, China), guns versus knives, sci-fi/futuristic gun control solutions, school shooter drills, the implications of arming teachers, Josh and Jacob's viral film "Active Shooter," and defending against an oppressive militarized state.

How are we using AI like ChatGPT to change the way we work? What does the rise of AI mean for us and the future of our fields? In this episode, Aya and Josh explore the positives and negatives of artificial intelligence, including the influence of AI on creativity and content creation, its application in education, ethical concerns (e.g., misuse, plagiarism, job displacement), the AI arms race (e.g., ChatGPT vs. Google Bard), the democratization of art, AI image generators, AI censorship, AI porn, the WGA writers strike, Judge Judy, socialism, the future of AI, and the rise of deepfake technology.

Special Guest: Dr. Grant Vezina. How big is the universe? How have key astronomical discoveries fleshed out our understanding of Earth and the universe beyond? In this episode, Aya and Josh further explore the mysteries of the cosmos with Dr. Vezina, including the faint young sun paradox, the great oxidation event, global ice ages, climate feedback loops, mass extinctions and the resilience of life, infrared astronomy, the James Webb vs. Hubble space telescopes, Stargate vs. Futurama, the size and topology of the universe, the expansion of space, the cosmological event horizon, time dilation and black holes, delving deeper into mind-bending sci-fi concepts like FTL travel, wormholes, warp drives, negative mass, dark matter, and manipulation of spacetime, while also touching on the potential merits of astrology (e.g., oracle cards), comparing Western and Eastern astrological practices, and assessing their comfort and entertainment value.

How do you recognize abuse? Can men be victims of domestic violence? In this episode, Aya and Josh continue their discussion on domestic abuse in context of the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard defamation trial as they explore the cycle of abuse, signs of abuse, history of abuse, characteristics of abuse victims, power dynamics, misogynistic vitriol, believing survivors, spotting deception (body language/behavior analysis), false accusations, the plausibility of mutual abuse, abuse of the #MeToo movement itself, and Josh and Aya's own experiences with domestic abuse (Josh's parents, Aya's friends and volunteer work). [CW // physical abuse, emotional abuse]

How can the ego sabotage us? Is having an ego always a bad thing? In this episode, Aya and Josh break down the ego and explore their own egotistical tendencies as they discuss self-promotion, seeking validation vs. feeding the ego, ego vs. insecurity, conditional ego, the real meaning of humility, Freudian Psychoanalysis (Id, Ego, Superego), narcissism, self-esteem/self-worth, worrying about what others think, healthy ego, egotistical celebrities (Kanye West, Russell Brand), egotistical world leaders (Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, Adolph Hitler), fragile egos, naming children, the ego's effect on growth, protecting other people's egos, ego defenses, and the ego's response to therapy.

What are people's biggest regrets? Are regrets useful? In this episode, Aya and Josh share their deepest regrets, exploring Daniel Pink's four types of regret (foundation, boldness, moral, connection), regrets stemming from action and inaction, childhood regrets, romantic regrets, financial regrets, regrets as motivation for the future, comfort vs. happiness, acknowledging mortality, semantic satiation, and the five most common deathbed regrets.

Should we cancel cancel culture? What are the limits of free speech? In this episode, Aya and Josh risk it all as they continue their discussion on cancel culture, touching on the fear of being canceled, publicly expressing opinions on controversial topics (abortion, vaccine hesitancy, trans rights, the Holocaust, pedophilia), the court of public opinion, dark/shock humor, pushing boundaries, censorship, malicious intent, inconsistent consequences, "liberals" vs. "conservatives," safe spaces, "freedom," no-platforming, responding with nuance, separating artists from their art, "The Coddling of the American Mind," Fox News, and targets of cancel culture (Bill Cosby, Louis CK, Kevin Spacey, Gina Carano, JK Rowling, Whoopie Goldberg, Woody Allen, Donald Trump, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Alex Jones, Joe Rogan, Hitler, and the Catholic Church).

Special Guest: Amanda Bell. What qualifies as a life-changing event? What kinds of things actually change? In this special episode, lifelong friend Amanda Bell, now eight months pregnant, returns to chat with Aya and Josh about positive and negative life-changing events, including pregnancy, parenthood, the pandemic, vaccines, mandates, natural disasters, deadly attacks, life-changing "upgrades," relationships, breakups, moving, job changes, school changes, weddings, funerals, losing loved ones, getting a pet, health diagnoses, maternity leave, shakeups in the status quo, internal vs. external changes, and life-changing art (books, movies, songs, plays).

What is the metaverse? How can you experience VR right now? In this very special episode, Aya and Josh strap on their Meta/Oculus Quest 2 headsets and meet face-to-face in virtual reality to talk about... virtual reality; specifically, the nature, logistics, opportunities, and dangers of virtual and augmented reality, Facebook, the metaverse, comfort (motion sickness, personal space, getting your "VR legs"), immersion (controllers, haptic feedback, field of view, hand tracking, omnidirectional treadmills), safety (sexual harassment, the guardian system, kids), accessibility/versatility (wireless vs. tethered, inside-out vs. outside-in tracking, cost of entry, battery life, accessories), available VR headsets (Meta Quest, HTC Vive, Valve Index, HP Reverb, Sony PSVR), privacy, virtual avatars, the different uses for VR (gaming, movies, fitness, work, education, travel, blowing off steam), the separation between fantasy and reality (VR violence), VR in films (Ready Player One, The Matrix, eXistenZ), NFTs, cryptocurrency, advancements in technology, and what the future holds for VR/AR (glasses, contacts, cybernetic enhancements/implants).

What are the most common pet peeves? What constitutes a pet peeve? In this episode, Aya and Josh distinguish between pet peeves, pet "furies," and serious world issues/societal ills while sharing the things that annoy them, including hypocrisy, spoilers, slow talkers/walkers/drivers, invasions of personal space, food-related grievances, constant pessimism, time-wasting, lateness, fakeness, false presentation, toilet-seat positioning, the phrases "I'm sorry you feel that way," "I'm sorry to hear that," and even the term "pet peeve" itself.

Do you feel guilty when you lie? How does being lied to change a person? In this episode, Aya and Josh divulge the rest of their thoughts on lying, discussing the benefits and harm of lying in our society, politics, and legal system, lying to ourselves, lying to each other, lying to teachers, lying out of desperation, lying in court, lying to feel power, lying vs. healthy criticism, lying for political gain (Donald Trump and "The Big Lie"), lying about romantic experience, gaslighting, compulsive/pathological liars, the notion of integrity, and saying "I'm fine" when you're not.

Why write? What tools, techniques, and environments are useful for the writing process? In this episode, Aya and Josh explore the world of writing, including novel writing, screenwriting, writing as a career vs. hobby vs. vocation, fiction vs. non-fiction, research, discipline, outlines, beatboards, first drafts, scope and stakes, wants vs. needs, the Hero's Journey vs. Heroine's Journey, the 8 Sequence Structure (incl. teaser, status quo, point of attack, debate, lock-in, midpoint reversal, resolution, new status quo), storytelling devices (e.g., the Faustian Bargain), sacrificing for your craft, collaborations, and incentivization (accountabilibuddies, writing environments and retreats).

Is loyalty really a virtue? Would you help your friend hide a body? In this episode, Aya and Josh talk about the nature and pitfalls of loyalty — to people, brands, political parties, countries, causes — along with conditional vs. unconditional loyalty, earned loyalty, misplaced loyalty, blind loyalty, dual loyalty, patriotism vs. nationalism, and Trumpism.

Special Guest: Daniel Bottner. What makes conspiracy theories so alluring? When do they become dangerous? In this episode, Daniel makes his triumphant return to talk with Aya and Josh about a whole slew of conspiracy theories (9/11, QAnon, Covid/5G, vaccines, Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Holocaust denial, Flat Earth, Sandy Hook, “Paul is dead,” vampire Prince Charles, JFK assassination, Roswell, Titanic, moon landing hoax, U.S. Capitol riot); conspiracy theorists (Alex Jones, Donald Trump, Zeitgeist); the basis of conspiratorial thinking (pattern-seeking, fear of the unknown); tools to fight conspiracy theories (Occam’s Razor, scientific method); and the links between conspiratorial thinking, narcissism, and religion.

Does our justice system work? Is the world getting more or less just? In this episode, Aya and Josh explore the concept of justice against the backdrop of some high-profile murder/sexual assault trials in the U.S. (Kyle Rittenhouse, Ahmaud Arbery, Alice Sebold/Anthony Broadwater), honing in on social, criminal, and racial justice, equality vs. equity, white privilege, the American healthcare system, George Floyd/BLM, legality vs. morality, dehumanization and genocide (e.g., the Holocaust). [CW // rape and sexual assault]

What does "home" mean to you? What happens if you lose your sense of home? In this episode, Aya and Josh talk about who and what makes a home, whether home is a physical place or a feeling, homesickness, building a home, homelessness, and even games like Animal Crossing and Neopets.

Is abortion inherently wrong? What does it really mean to be pro-life vs. pro-choice? In this episode, Aya and Josh discuss the divisive and uncomfortable topic of abortion, including the recent threats to Roe V. Wade in parts of the U.S., the morality of aborting a fetus at any stage of development, prioritizing the life of a mother vs. her child, the idea of “sanctity of life,” the consequences of trying to ban abortion, and whether it’s even possible to do so in practice.

Special Guest: Ben Lawrence-Farhi. Do you live a balanced lifestyle? What are the consequences of neglecting your self-care? In this special episode, Ben joins Aya and Josh to discuss the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of self care, including sleep, diet, exercise, social life, finding the right work-life balance, and coping with parental expectations.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? Is feminism as a movement still necessary today? In this episode, Aya and Josh explore what it means to be a feminist as they discuss the foundations of feminism (e.g., the “three waves”), women’s suffrage, obstacles to gender equality, sexism, reproductive rights, gender roles, “mansplaining,” and toxic masculinity.

Are you a good loser? Is competitiveness a helpful or harmful trait? In this episode, Aya and Josh dissect healthy vs. unhealthy competition, jealousy vs. envy, feelings of insecurity, fear of failure, attitudes of mindfulness (e.g., the practice of “non-striving”), and the value of having a collaborative mindset.

What keeps you motivated? When is the right time, if any, to give up? In this episode, Aya and Josh discuss laziness and the feelings and circumstances that lead us to mental and physical exhaustion, the pros and cons of commitment, passion vs. obligation, emotion regulation skills (e.g., opposite action), and the need to believe that what we're doing has both meaning and purpose.

Are you easily offended? Is the road to hell paved with good intentions? In this episode, Aya and Josh discuss whether one's intentions truly matter compared to their actions, the importance of context, intention vs. impact, criminal negligence, how someone's power affects the impact of their actions (J.K. Rowling, Demi Lovato, police officers, Donald Trump), and whether it's more important to be kind or right. 

How do you manage your anger and where do those feelings stem from? Are there times when you should get angry? In this episode, Josh helps Aya work through her anger as they discuss conflicts arising from the pandemic, feelings of powerlessness, losing control, primary vs. secondary emotions, action urges, healthy vs. unhealthy expressions of emotion, and the potential utility of anger when channeled correctly.

How do you cope with an ongoing trauma? What is your typical response to a perceived threat? In this episode, Josh discusses the never-ending trauma of his father's cancer battle, while Aya shares what she learned working as a volunteer on the crisis line at the women's shelter and sexual assault centre, with topics ranging from PTSD, the "Window of Tolerance" (hyperarousal vs. hypoarousal), and Pete Walker's "4 Fs" (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn), to vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, and trauma impostor syndrome. [CW // death, abuse]

How can trauma change you? What triggers a traumatic memory? In this episode, Josh shares with Aya the traumatizing story of his mother's death, the impact this experience had on both him and his family, and what ultimately helped him get through it. [CW // death]

What makes a good leader? Would you rather question or defer to authority? In this episode, Aya and Josh examine leadership traits (judgment, communication, critical thinking, lifelong learning, empathy), hierarchical structures, bystanders, leadership vs. authority, empowerment via education, and the impulse to question those in charge.

Special guest: Amanda Bell. How do you fight an invisible illness — or, for that matter, talk about it? Does a disorder have to be part of one's identity? In this special episode, Amanda joins Aya and Josh to discuss depression, anxiety, bipolar and other mental disorders; the struggles of growing up with a mental illness; suicidal ideation; treatments used to manage disorders; fears and stigmas around trying therapies and medication; how the pandemic has terrorized our mental health and what, if anything, we can do about it. [CW // suicidal ideation]

Who or what inspires you? How do you find your inspiration? In this episode, Aya and Josh discuss their heroes, the people and art that inspire them, the concept of muses, and the difference between inspiration and influence.

How do you establish good habits? Is it better to have a regular routine? In this episode, Aya and Josh discuss sleep, scheduling, spontaneity, habit-forming, being on time, goals, deadlines, lists, cues and rewards.