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Afterbite

Afterbite

By Afterbite Podcast

Bee, Jourdann, and Brian are on a quest to watch every single episode of The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Legacies, in that order. Catch us every Friday! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod
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102. Damon the PTA mom

AfterbiteApr 15, 2022

00:00
01:14:50
134. A Fond Farewell

134. A Fond Farewell

This week on afterbite we say goodbye to the last good season of TVD. Elena’s sleepy, Tyler’s wolfy, Matt’s destined to be a cop now? There’s a lot going on here.

Oct 20, 202301:26:37
133. #Jolaric4Life

133. #Jolaric4Life

We’re Jolaric stans for life! Or for the rest of their lives. Or… well… you know...

Oct 07, 202301:02:53
132. Let Your Baby Boy Fly, Julie!

132. Let Your Baby Boy Fly, Julie!

TVD 06x20 | We continue to be proud haters. Lily makes a promise to Stefan. Alaric and Jo are Loser4Loser.

Aug 13, 202301:07:42
131. A Proud Hater

131. A Proud Hater

One thing about Lily Salvatore? She’s gonna be a hater and she’s gonna cause a kerfuffle. Caroline has an average airbnb experience. Enzo fixes his mommy issues. Damon develops more mommy issues. Perfectly balanced, or whatever.

Jul 28, 202301:01:07
130. An Ohio Ten

130. An Ohio Ten

TVD 06x18 | The Vampire Diaries writers kind of attempt to therapize their characters this week and they’re doing a pretty bad job of it! Elena is uncomfortable when we are not about her. We finally get Enzo’s full name! There’s gay people on screen! Matt’s secretly on grindr!

Jul 15, 202301:18:10
129. A Very Bad Time for Kai Parker

129. A Very Bad Time for Kai Parker

Good throuples and bad throuples abound this episode! Alaric and Enzo have the most efficient character arcs. I cut like 20 minutes of Pretty Little Liars talk, you’re welcome.

Jun 30, 202355:54
128. Who's Flying The Plane?!?

128. Who's Flying The Plane?!?

TVD 06x16 | Bee and Brian have too much fun with soundboards. Caroline is in her villain era. Literally nothing else matters but her evil schemes. Oh, Bonnie and Jeremy break up too but we've been there done that before.

Jun 17, 202301:05:35
127. Mad Libs Eulogy

127. Mad Libs Eulogy

TVD 06x12 | This is the most we’ve liked Elena in a while. Bonnie’s Blair Witchin’ it, Damon gives the worst advice in the world, and Lily Salvatore starts her road to girlbossification.

Jun 02, 202301:36:22
126. We're Gonna Cry Again

126. We're Gonna Cry Again

This episode is so cruel. We’re gonna cry. Jeremy leaves us but more importantly and heartbreakingly: Liz dies. That’s it, that’s the description. I’m too sad to write any more.

Find us on socials: AfterbitePod

Apr 21, 202301:13:53
125. Bonnie Bennett's Kidnap Counter

125. Bonnie Bennett's Kidnap Counter

06x13 | Liv’s on a sinking ship and she’s LOVING IT. Kai makes a personality change. Caroline unearths a body in the woods.

Apr 07, 202301:13:36
124. Kai Parker Bisexual Era

124. Kai Parker Bisexual Era

Kai's in a new era, both in his evil and also his sexuality. Delena takes a firm right turn into annoying again. Liz and Caroline break our hearts.

Mar 24, 202301:09:18
123. Extremely Long Term Gambling

123. Extremely Long Term Gambling

He’s gay, he’s evil, he’s mostly always right. I didn’t say his name but he popped into your head, didn’t he? Caroline’s not in her right mind. Brian’s in his synopsis era.

Mar 11, 202301:23:45
122. Nature's Glock

122. Nature's Glock

Damon’s the voice of reason for once, so color us surprised. Bonnie is doing a Taylor Swift music video. Luke is gay and he’s right but that doesn’t make him have gay rights.

Mar 02, 202301:28:09
121. Elena the Arsonist

121. Elena the Arsonist

Caroline’s not in this episode so of course crimes occur. Arson, insurance fraud, murder, you name a major crime, we’ve got it! Tyler’s getting back into our good graces, Matt’s falling out of them again, and Stefan remains on our shitlist.

Feb 11, 202301:09:04
120. Theres No Jokes in This One

120. Theres No Jokes in This One

Our schedule is changing! We're going to an every other Friday schedule, just to account for the fact that we're all a lot more busy than we've ever been. This week we meet some of our favorite big bads, don’t make jokes, and also realize that Joshua Parker is kinda a dilf.

Jan 27, 202301:23:08
119. Girlboss, Girlfailure

119. Girlboss, Girlfailure

TVD 06x07 | We're back this week and we're thriving! Elena, however, is not. Bonnie also is not thriving. Caroline though? Caroline's thriving.

Jan 13, 202301:14:44
118. We Love Damon Now ?!?? (NOT CLICKBAIT)

118. We Love Damon Now ?!?? (NOT CLICKBAIT)

TVD 06x06 | Bee and Brian are clearly going through it this week, because they say that they kinda like Damon at least three times. Elena’s making terrible choices (like jumping out of windows) and great choices (like wanting her memories back). Jo is just… so hot. Alaric is… just a guy. We’ll be back in the new year!

Dec 16, 202201:09:12
117. Don't Text and Drive!

117. Don't Text and Drive!

TVD 06x05 | Bee tells like three insane stories back to back and thinks nothing of it. We’re Bamon shippers now, against all odds. Tyler’s having a no good very bad day. Liam’s most exciting character moment is when he’s NOT annoying for once. It’s Weezer time!

Dec 10, 202201:11:32
116. Stefan's Twelve Step Plan for Restarting your Eternal Life

116. Stefan's Twelve Step Plan for Restarting your Eternal Life

TVD 06x04 | The worst day of Damon’s life is like… a regular Thursday. Elena’s really good at yes and-ing. Kai remains wonderful and terrible.

Dec 04, 202201:13:19
115. The Eras Tour (TVD's Verison)

115. The Eras Tour (TVD's Verison)

TVD 06x03 | Stefan’s out of his bit era and into his being a douchebag era. Elena’s in her sitcom era. Jeremy’s in his hoe era. Everybody’s in some sort of era, and very very few of them are good!

Nov 25, 202201:20:51
114. The Dreaded Delena Clipshow Episode
Nov 18, 202201:15:33
113. Elena Gilbert's Academic Excellence Era
Nov 11, 202201:26:30
The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Wrap Up

The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Wrap Up

Bee and Brian bring u the final wrap up of this season of Afterbite: Season 5 of The Vampire Diaries! This was easier than we thought, actually, once you discard all the really really bad episodes you're left with just a few golden nuggets of good good dorky teen tv. Nina Dobrev the real person deserves literally all the awards for this season, she's the only thing holding this ship together.

We're taking a bit of a break after this so we can recharge / Bee can move house again / Brian can get lost in the swamp and have time to find his way back / Jourdann can steal more library books.

Aug 12, 202201:04:38
The Originals Season One Wrap Up!

The Originals Season One Wrap Up!

We're finally here with our Originals season one wrap up episode! We  talk about how this might just be the best season of a tvdu show...  ever. We rank every episode, we ask "wait what was this episode about" like a million times, we have FUN!

Aug 06, 202201:06:52
112. ... And They Don't Stop Coming

112. ... And They Don't Stop Coming

TVD 5x22 | Jourdann forgot to watch the finale before we sat down to record this episode, and things really do not get better from there.  Damon's obnoxious but he's really making it work for him this episode I'm not gonna lie. Jeremy and Bonnie remain a top tier couple. What's  that? Oh my god it's Bamon coming in at the last second with a steel chair!

Aug 01, 202201:39:52
111. The Hits Start Coming...

111. The Hits Start Coming...

TO 1x22 | Brian is booboo the fool this week! Bee loses her mind, Hayley  loses her life, Klaus loses his house to the debt collectors. The whole  damn cast is acting like rent is due. It's a win all around!

Jul 22, 202201:42:43
110. A Good Episode? In MY Season 5? It's More Likely Then You Think!

110. A Good Episode? In MY Season 5? It's More Likely Then You Think!

TVD 5x21 | Listen, nobody is more surprised then me that I ended up actually liking  this episode. Join Bee and Brian as they talk buckets o' blood,  Caroline Forbes, and tumblr!

Jul 15, 202201:14:17
109. Disney Georg

109. Disney Georg

TO 1x21 | The whole gang is back and we have a banger episode for ya! Bee and Brian are terrified of a 90's children's cartoon, Jourdann is a library  thief, and we're all losing our minds just a little bit. Brian is Disney Georg who spends 10,000 hours every day thinking about Disney properties. he is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Jul 10, 202201:43:10
108. Having A Bad Time While Wet

108. Having A Bad Time While Wet

TVD 5x20 | Bee and Brian are breaking down hard this week. We talk about YASCAR,  the spiral mac and cheese being far superior, and Jeremy's inevitable  and eventual bisexuality.

Jul 01, 202201:06:21
107. A Ceremonial V8
Jun 24, 202201:20:23
106. fly away on phoenix wings, amen

106. fly away on phoenix wings, amen

TVD 5x19 | Listen. I don't know what's going on in this episode either. Somehow, despite it being an episode about the vampire diaries, we ended up talking about Legacies more. Enzo and Damon continue to be gay best friends but in a straight dude way. Stefan gives us the gift of CINEMA. Bonnie's going thru it.

May 22, 202259:28
105. Big Sleepy Energy

105. Big Sleepy Energy

TO 1x19 | The Legacies news had not broken when we were recording this, oops. We've got real sleepy energy in this episode, so prepare for a laidback experience this week on Afterbite! Brian's on his criminal mastermind shit. Bee's going off about catholic imagery. Jourdann isn't here but would've loved this episode.

May 13, 202201:14:30
104. Yet Another Delena Breakup

104. Yet Another Delena Breakup

Bee and Brian make their way through Paul Wesley's directorial debut! Delena breaks up for the 7th time. We have a crushing realizaiton about how long we're going to be doing this show for, exactly. 

Support us directly on patreon.com/afterbite! Buy merch at brightcrownmedia.com/shop. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod.

May 06, 202201:17:35
103. Hope Mikaelson = Jesus?!?

103. Hope Mikaelson = Jesus?!?

The gang's all here and we get playfully blasphemous! Someday we may answer for our sins but that day sure isn't today! Bee hates Pope Gregory I, Brian tries his hardest to derail this episode MULTIPLE times, and Jourdann is here four months early.


May 01, 202201:48:25
102. Damon the PTA mom

102. Damon the PTA mom

TVD 05 x 17 | Bee has extreme sleepy energy this episode so we're just taking it easy this week on Afterbite! This episode of TVD kinda sucks and we're not afraid to say it. We talk Delena, whatever Liv is up to, Bonnie being bisexual, and gay representation.

Apr 15, 202201:14:50
101. This is Soup!

101. This is Soup!

TO 1x17 | Bee and Jourdann make soup! We talk about found family and how it really does hit different when you're queer. Marcel's up to some shit, Cami's on the struggle bus, Genevieve is still here somehow? It's a wild episode.

Apr 08, 202201:34:04
100. The Inaugural Bitey Awards

100. The Inaugural Bitey Awards

Holy shit I can't believe we made it to episode 100. They said it couldn't be done, they said it wouldn't be fun but boy howdy we've DONE IT and had a BLAST! Thanks so much for sticking around on our long journey here... here's to 100 more! Bee forgot to set this episode to go live on the correct day, and honestly isn't that just the Afterbite experience?

Mar 28, 202202:17:31
99. The CW Show to K-Pop Stan Pipeline

99. The CW Show to K-Pop Stan Pipeline

Bee and Jourdann... well... you can probably tell from the title that Bee and Jourdann go fucking through it this episode. The Travelers remain nefarious for like no real reason. We decide what the k-pop group for tvd would look like. It's a bit of a mess but honestly extremely on brand for both k-pop and us!

Spotify playlist we mentioned in the episode: https://spoti.fi/3KZb37o 


Mar 19, 202201:13:03
98. King! Your Door!

98. King! Your Door!

TO 01x16 | Bee and Brain talk storyville, red doors, and ace attorney twists! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite

Mar 13, 202201:52:38
97. is season 5 actually... good?

97. is season 5 actually... good?

TVD 05x15 | We recorded this episode LIVE on our patreon! Things are BRUTAL in the vampire diaries podcasting industry, very cutthroat. Brian is here for like 3 minutes and then vanishes, Nia is here in spirit, and Jourdann and Bee are crying over how good this episode actually is.

Mar 04, 202201:42:02
96. Simply Chaos

96. Simply Chaos

TO 0x15 | Bee's losing their voice, Brian is tying women to train tracks like an old-timey french-coded villain, Jourdann doesn't know basic geography. In The Originals Cami is delivering a verbal smack-down, Hayley is threatening an immoral witch with a shotgun, and Rebekah is having a no good, very bad day.

Feb 25, 202202:05:18
95. gatekeep, gaslight, anti-girlboss
Feb 18, 202201:15:30
94. Booked and Busy
Feb 11, 202201:11:44
93. The 9 to 5
Feb 05, 202201:10:45
92. A Vampire, a Witch, and a Catholic Priest walk into a bar...

92. A Vampire, a Witch, and a Catholic Priest walk into a bar...

There's SOME sort of joke here, I'm SURE OF IT. We get playfully anti-catholic. Bee says the phrase "Iconographically Recognizable" like it's a real word and I'm still 90% sure it's not. This episode is a little scuffed but that's really just the Afterbite Way ™!

Jan 31, 202201:48:05
91. GRRLbossbaby
Jan 21, 202201:27:29
90. Papa Tunde, Papa Problems
Jan 14, 202201:19:36
89. Is It Still Elderly Abuse If They're a 500 Year-Old Vampire?
Jan 07, 202201:27:53
88. Needlessly Dramatic
Dec 17, 202101:22:05
87. We're Denzo shippers now
Dec 12, 202101:18:29