Producer: Brad Singletary, LCSW
Men must be better. Our mission is to help men improve relationships by improving their own attitudes, actions, and attributes and by promoting the RED 9 principles of being a grown-ass man:
Check us out on our website
This is the inspiring story of an Alpha who became that against all odds.
Bill Schuffenhauer spent some of his childhood homeless and was in 17 foster homes because of his mother's addictions and prostitution. As he became a man, he made some Alpha decisions about who he was going to be and became a three-time Olympian.
He is now a motivational speaker, an advocate for homeless families and coaches corporations and mentors men dealing with depression, addiction and suicidal impulses. This is such a big opportunity to learn from a guy who's been there and done that, from the despair that led to a suicide attempt, himself, to representing the USA in three Olympic Games and winning the first medal for the US in 46 years in four-man bobsled. Trust me, this will challenge you to reach for the Alpha in you.
Questions answered today:
When did you first realize that you were special and had some gifts and talents?
You had every excuse in the book...why didn’t you fall into the trap of making excuses?
When was your athletic journey the hardest and what did you do then?
What was your motivation to succeed?
Of all of your accomplishments and successes, what single moment stands out the most as a defining moment in your journey? Describe that.
Do you or did you have haters?
What struggle are you the most proud of for pushing through?
What makes a man a real man?
What is the most 'alpha' thing about you and were you born with that or did you develop it?
What are you doing now?
Alpha Nick joins the quorum with a super-charged and premier-value message for dudes who wanna level up as an entrepreneur. The change in thinking that will happen in you will boost you toward everything to which your heart is trying to guide you.
This dude's a straight frigging ALPHA and needs to be heard. Nick lived in Asia for six years and has 10 businesses. He teaches that the ability to start businesses fast and cheap is a worthwhile skill to build for the evolving Alpha entrepreneur. Being able to ask uncommon questions has been a major key to his growing success.
From his home in his flip-flops and board shorts, he operates Find Fakes, a highly-successful international counterfeit-defense company that last year removed over 600,000 online listings for counterfeit products on trademarked items like popular streetwear.
He and his wife created a conversation starter card game for couples that is highly popular on Amazon.com. He explains the method he used to start this business with zero of his own money. His resourcefulness will astound you as he motivates the aspiring business owner to take courageous steps in the direction of who they really are. Dig deep into YOU, but also do the research.
He teaches that men should first truly come to terms with what is important to them and what they want, an absolute prerequisite to executing well as an entrepreneur or otherwise-Alpha out there who is trying to magnify his distinction.
You will hear the voice of a well-read man, a dedicated father and community servant. He will teach you what it means to get on the other side of your ideas and make them happen. He shares the books and influencers that have had the most impact on him and teaches from his experience in the execution of multiple top-selling retail products and brand-protective services for small- to medium-sized worldwide corporations.
Nick's charismatic swagger will enliven whatever is already good in you. Give this one a listen, brother. You need to be different.
Sometimes we are flat wrong and the things we thought we knew are way off base. Today we’re going to be discussing how to know when you may be wrong and what to do next.
My guest Jimmy Durbin teaches some high-value lessons about why men are so prone to having trouble admitting when they are wrong and outlines the steps he needs to take to grow into that kind of maturity. This is the most valuable message in all of our 61 episodes to date. Whoever you are, this will help you, trust me.
Questions we answer today:
What makes us believe that we are right even though we are headed the wrong direction about something?
What are some indicators that we may be wrong about something?
What would an ALPHA do upon discovering that he is wrong?
How can we approach life with the humility that we may be wrong sometimes?
What about over-apologizing?
Host Brad Singletary interviews his father, Emory, in this Father's Day 2020 Special.
"Today, I'm interviewing a man that has shaped me more than any other man. He's been on this planet for three quarters of a century. He's been married for 56 years. He raised six children professionally. He's done everything from being an over the road trucker, a commercial fishermen, an international business executive, a hospital business manager, a practice manager for a surgeon, an administrative director of a hospice organization and owner of multiple corporations. He's volunteered with the Red Cross, the Boy Scouts of America, and he spent decades serving in his faith community and volunteer roles. He graduated from Florida State University, but of course holds honorary doctorate degrees from the school of hard knocks. Our guest today describes what it means to be a real man and how he has grown over 75 years of failures and successes."
Brad's dad begins by sharing the example his father set about restraining emotional reactions when he broke his own father's tooth with a pair of pliers.
Emory describes the problem with the 'faux alpha'...men who are too angry and self-oriented, leading too loud thereby pushing people away.
He recounts mistakes he has made and what he might have done differently. Taking supplements, drinking water, exercise and planking have kept him healthy into his 75th year, 23 years after an 8-vessel bypass which was previously thought to only have been remedied by a heart transplant.
He teaches how an Alpha can bring life wherever he goes with friendly conversation and how strong negotiations begin with simple engagement.
He shares a story of how he worked for free with a failing non-profit who was being evicted from their office building until he found ways to increase revenue sufficient to pay for a brand new multi-million dollar facility which was paid for in cash.
Brad's father was an expatriate business executive and lived in Jamaica where he learned what it meant to be a minority, reversing some of his upbringing in a racist environment in the South.
He shares what he hopes for his sons, grandsons, and great-grandsons: that they live lives which reflect a relationship with God and enjoy a happy home life. In this Father's Day Special, Brad and his father get up close and personal about their own relationship and what they have learned together about being a good man.
In another super-personal and starkly-informative episode, Brad Singletary discusses his own experience with suicidal thoughts and what he did to save his own life.
Brad describes the Alpha Quorum's intention with using the term 'alpha.' We are talking about men who are strong, capable, reliable, getting things done, and are enjoying fulfilling lives.
The Alpha is concerned with LIFE.
He has a life. He preserves his own capacity and remains strong, saving himself first: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. He enjoys life and faces challenges in his own journey with courage and diligence.
He creates life. He brings life, not by fathering children, necessarily. But where ever he goes he brings light and life and brings value to any situation he finds himself in. He passes life on in his relationships to those close to him, and every human that he appropriately can.
He saves life. He lifts and rescues those in need, helping others preserve their own life.
Brad recounts a traumatic family experience dealing with the suicide of an American soldier.
He also describes some mind-blowing statistics about the duration of the crisis leading up to a suicide or an attempt, most often counted in minutes, not days.
Suicidal thoughts should be seen as a medical crisis, much like sudden blindness or pissing blood.
He shares tips for how to recognize suicidal risks and what to do when you or someone around you is feeling these things.
Whoever you are, this information will prepare you for a situation that you will likely be affected by in some way or another during your life. Please listen and share.
Validation. In its simplest form, it's recognizing your spouse or partner. When you validate her, you see her - you get it. That's what she wants and needs from you. Today, we're going to talk about what validation is, how you can provide this need to your partner, and how being a high-value man is the ultimate validation.
Questions to be answered today:
What is validation, and why do we need to validate our partners?
What is the ultimate source of validation in a relationship with a woman?
How and when should I validate my partner?
Do you know your partner and what kind of validation she needs from you?
What is validation?
Direct feedback - you see the actions and contributions
Acceptance for who she is. Her thoughts/feelings are valid.
being with her without judging her
What validation is not ?
You don't have to agree or accept her ideas as your own.
You don't have to give up your ideas to accommodate her.
Not correcting her if you perceive faulty logic (just being emotional) (invalidation)
Why do we need to validate our partner?
Validation elicits participation - promotes communication, intimacy (better sex)
Let's your partner know you are engaged (Red 9) and on the same page
Maslow's hierarchy of needs - validation is a part of esteem, this makes her feel protected, less isolated, less vulnerable, and safe.
You! An Alpha is a high-value man.
You are a leader- the kind of man she's proud to be with. Be a WIN for her.
High-value validation- it feels good when someone at work notices your contributions, but when the big boss notices you, it's on a whole other level.
You meet and exceed her expectations - you get it.
How does being a high-value man validate her?
Not reactive, you're in control (exactly what she needs when she needs validation)
Honest with her when you need to be (this adds value to your validation, she knows you won't just patronize her, your talk isn't cheap, it's genuine)
You being with her is social proof that she's a high-value woman.
Your self-validation makes you a high-value man.
When you validate yourself, you lead by example. The stronger influence you have in her life, the more she will mimic you (follow your lead through mirroring)
Living by Red 9 principles makes you a high-value man
An Alpha is balanced, he keeps her inspired, his words matter because he lives up to his ideals (he has validity).
Don't be disingenuous. That will just make her suspicious (does he just want to get laid)
Be consistent. Consistency will prove your authenticity.
Be truthful, say what you see.
Other tenets of validation
Be present, paying attention, not multi-tasking, really listening.
Acceptance - there is no right or wrong, no judgment, no fixing
When do you validate her?
Good to be consistent, but don't make it something you check off a list each day, reserve it to when needed so it remains genuine.
When she's not expecting it, be engaged enough to notice any changes in mood.
Especially during a bad/stressful day, be discerning.
.An incredibly-deep dive into understanding stress and overcoming the potential negative effects of stress. We are living through times of immense difficulty. Most of us were already stressed to the max before the coronavirus stopped so many of us in our tracks. Today we’re gonna take a look at stress and how we can better understand and cope with the hardships in our lives. There's never gonna be a time in your life where you’re completely free of stressful situations or beyond pressures and difficulty. Life is nails and that’s not gonna change. What can change though is you. How you see, deal with, and feel stress. That’s what you have control over moment by moment. Alpha up and face your stress like an overcomer, like a survivor, like a man, like an alpha.
Questions answered in this episode:
Where does stress live in you? In your head, in your shoulders? In your gut?
What are some signs that stress is diminishing your quality of life?
What controllable factors compound stress?
The ultimate Alpha hacks to cope with stress.
The nature of and purpose of emotion
Bodily reactions to stress
Hormones and neurotransmitters
The body’s stress-response system
The connection between stress and fear
What makes your body’s stress response worse
Ways to conquer the battle with stress
Kelly McGonigal : How to Make Stress Your Friend
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.For those who may be new to our show and our movement, we introduce the Alpha Quorum philosophy. We also outline the RED9: nine attitudes, actions, and attributes of the ALPHA.
Questions answered in this episode:
What does it mean to Alpha Up?
What is the Alpha Quorum about?
Why does this exist?
What is the Red9?
Other topics discussed:
Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Some research indicates that 5 years after divorce, people are no happier than they were in their “unhappy marriage.” While sometimes divorce is the only option, it isn’t always the only option. Today we will be discussing how separation can, in many cases and when done with the right approach, save your relationship. We share some insights we have gained from men we have worked with on this, some applicable research on this topic, and some of our own very personal experiences with separation as a means to save a marriage.
Questions to be answered today:
What are the not-so-obvious issues that make people believe that divorce is the answer?
Why is separation something that men should consider as an alternative to divorce?
What actions should a man be taking during a separation?
What does a successful separation and eventual reunion look like?
This segment is about separation as Option C. Stephen Covey talked about continuing to look for alternatives in general until you find something that works. Option A might be to continue to stay miserable in a dead relationship. Option B may be divorce (which can feel like an emotional murder-suicide). Option C is often separation.
We aren't encouraging anyone to separate, rather we are encouraging people to consider separation before proceeding with a divorce first.
You can always get a divorce; you can file tomorrow. But once you do, you can’t undo it. Is there any decision more impactful on your ENTIRE FUTURE and the ENTIRE FUTURE OF GENERATIONS AFTER YOU than whether to not to stay married? Sometimes it is an inevitability. Sometimes divorce is the only sensible choice. But let’s talk about how not to BLOW the one of the biggest decisions you will ever make.
No Excuses. Alpha Up.
In our most deeply-personal episode ever, Brad, Taco Mike, and guest Jimmy Durbin discuss how they all three survived lengthy separations that ultimately helped save their marriages. Learn from these examples about how they were wrong in the first place, how they were wrong throughout the process, how they made it right again and how YOU can get right by recognizing your own part in relationship wrongs, regardless of your current status as a single, married, partnered, separated or divorced person.
We discuss how trauma, failures from past relationships, self-righteousness and fake, phony strength and other issues made us drift intro colossal failure. Mike makes a comparison between his past and a character from Lord of the Rings, Jimmy discloses his slow maturing process, and Brad outlines his self-righteous judgement and projecting, all of which led to near-divorces. Ultimately, we became grown-ass men and acknowledged our faults and worked it out. Miraculously, our wives forgave us and we are each now happily married. Brad and Jimmy are therapists and Taco Mike is a recovery and relationship coach and entrepreneur.
We teach how our crucial mistakes created pain in our lives:
We also share how we discovered these principles after a lengthy season of hardheadedness and how these saved our relationships:
forgiveness of self and spouse
controlling selfish urges
contact with a higher power
ongoing dialogue with honest men
If you are the person in a failing relationship with a dirtbag of a human, this can help you understand where he may be coming from and what you may be able to do to help him.
Who*ever is reading this: you need this information more than you could even know. You don't even have to be in a bad relationship to learn through our experiences what may be amiss, perhaps even in you. This episode colorfully illustrates the grueling and gut-wrenching experiences of a combined 5 years of manning-the-freak-up by three unassuming alphas who learned to conquer their self-absorption and reconnect with the women they love.
In segment two of a two-part series on healthy relationships, we explore the role of commitment and conflict resolution in healthy relationships.
Questions answered in this episode:
What is the role of commitment in good relationships?
How do we improve our ability to resolve conflicts in romantic relationships?
Other topics discussed:
HOW DOES THE TYPICAL, UN-EVOLVED DUDE DEAL WITH COMMITMENT
Holes in the fence
Lusts after others
In the short-term, to the decision that you love this person
in the long-term: the decision to maintain that love.
These two aspects of the decision/commitment component do not necessarily go together, in that one can decide to love someone without being committed to the love in the long-term, or one can be committed to a relationship without acknowledging that one loves the other person in the relationship.
DECIDE TO LOVE THEM
They’ve probably changed
Decide to be their person, always
Me now vs. us always
DECIDE TO MAINTAIN IT
Do the work
Decide to stay
Decide to be loyal
Know where the pitfalls are
Don’t jeopardize it with poor boundaries
HOW DOES THE TYPICAL DUDE FIGHT?
Complains about her crying
In UFC, hockey, and even war there are rules
YOU HAVE TO FIGHT
Avoidance of conflict: one of the greatest predictors of divorce
Conflict IS intimacy
You’ve never had a true friend if you didn’t have some squabbles
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
Is now a good time?
Take a time out if needed
STATE YOUR OWN FEELINGS WITH EMOTIONAL WORDS
Our emotional vocab is so limited
Know when to express frustration vs. annoyance vs.
I feel __________ when _______ happens
Try not to even say “YOU”
NO YELLING OR NAME CALLING
In court, there is none of this, even though parties HIGHLY disagree. Why? Respect for the institution!
NO OLD STUFF
Bringing up the past is a weapon used to WIN
APOLOGIES and FORGIVENESS
Apologize when you’re wrong
But don’t demand one if they are
You’re in a relationship that isn’t working or certainly not as well as you’d like. Maybe there isn’t enough of something that you once had, but you don’t know what it is. You feel a growing emptiness and want to do what you can to salvage this thing. While it takes two willing parties to make a relationship work, we introduce some things that help you at least identify what might not be working and how you might make adjustments to have a happier relationship.
In part one of a two-episode series, we explore the concepts of passion and intimacy from Dr. Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. We address how men get it wrong in these two areas and how they can change their attitudes, actions, and attributes to have a healthier partnership.
Questions answered in this episode:
What are the factors that create a healthy sense of passion in a relationship?
How do you develop intimacy with your partner?
What is the role of commitment in good relationships?
How do we improve our ability to resolve conflicts in romantic relationships?
Other topics discussed:
How the non-alpha handles passion
The role of fun and humor in creating passion
Increasing your attractiveness without overdoing it
How arousal works
Some differences in sexual fulfillment for men and women
How the average guy messes up intimacy
Increasing friendship and conversation
How her closeness with her friends and your bonding with your own tribe of dudes improves your sense of intimacy in your romantic relationship
We are wired for anger. It is protective. Jordan Peterson says that aggression is the default in our wiring and chemistry. Testosterone is the power hormone but too often we get tricked into believing there is a threat when there is none. Today we’re going to discuss anger and how men can be more aware of what they are feeling and have more control of an emotion that too often diminishes our actual power.
Questions answered in this episode:
What is the nature of anger. What is it and why are men so prone to the struggle with anger?
What biological and cognitive processes predispose us to anger?
How can men be more aware of what’s happening with their anger and gain more control over this often destructive emotion?
What are the actions that men need to take if they have a pattern of destructive anger?
Other topics discussed:
Anger is a gift to protect us
It has evolutionary value.
The tribal man who could become angry survived.
It remains with us through natural selection.
All about the “fight or flight” response
We can be tricked into believing there is a threat.
The role of managing expectations in maintaining emotional regulation
How incorrect interpretation of triggers create negative emotions and negative reactions
We live in troubled times. If there ever was a time for men to step up and be leaders, it is now. While the coronavirus may not be affecting you and those around you yet, it will. Estimates are that one in 10 Americans will get the virus. You will likely not *die from this illness, they say, but the impact has already begun in terms of anxiety and worry, we see this in the grocery shortage. It is affecting the economy, people are losing their jobs, and your wives and children need your strength. Today we will be discussing how you can be a man of strength when everything is falling apart.
Questions to be answered today:
What exists in the average guy that may create challenges for him at a time like this?
What are the principles that men can govern themselves by in tough times?
What are some things that men need to be doing to preserve their own strength?
How can men be supportive of others, within their own families, other dudes, and their larger communities?
Major topics discussed:
How to deal with fear and doubt.
Why it is unproductive to gather conspiracy theories. Instead focus on what you control.
The Earth doesn't care about you.
Nothing is owed to you by anyone or anything.
You are not special.
You have a duty to provide and protect.
Real men feel a responsibility to take action assisting the vulnerable.
Spend ZERO energy on what you cannot control.
See this as an opportunity to learn new things.
Be humble and appreciative.
Call on your higher power.
See how you can serve others.
See yourself as connected to everyone else.
Continue to be disciplined.
Get up, get dressed, make the bed, sort out your day, and keep up on maintaining your home.
See this entire thing as a gift and be grateful for it.
In this episode, hosted by Mike Olsen, we discuss boundaries in relationships and in the workplace.
What is the definition of “boundaries”?
What kinds of problems are created with un-defined, un specified, lack of clearly defined boundaries?
Undiscussed boundaries lead to resentment, disappointment, anger, frustration, sketchy behaviors, then excuses.
What happens when boundaries are overly rigid?
Isolated, boring life, stifling creativity and spontaneity, suffocation
What does it look like when you have healthy boundaries:
Negotiated between the parties, third party approval, free and safe to explore who they are / what they want to become, safety and security, permission to explore life, shared control.
Why men lack assertiveness in boundary setting? Fear, laziness, people pleasing
Effective ways to set boundaries? What are the words to use?
“I” statements: discuss what you are willing to do, NOT what the other MUST do.
Don’t duck out. Don’t quit. If you need to take a break, do so, but don’t walk out entirely and not come back to it. Believe that at the end, there will be a solution, make it so.
Be as emotional as is warranted, and be free with those emotions
Put them in writing if you feel you can't communicate them verbally
Learn how to argue and negotiate, be gracious in your ‘defeat’
Accept that conflict is going to happen and be mature enough to endure it
“What do you expect the boundary to look like”
Define the boundary title. What is it you are trying to decide?
Examples of when a boundary is crossed?
“Dates” or involvement with other people
What is a HEALTHY way to deal with a crossed boundary
Relationships are continually re-negotiated based on new information or new situations as they come up, be mature and wise enough to see where you may have been wrong-humble and teachable
Move out, sleep in a different bed, do what you gotta do.
Communicate effectively, right time and right space, that the boundary has been crossed.
Allow your partner to prepare
Let them know that there has been a boundary crossed and it’s important to discuss.
Derik Johnson shares an important truth about the unmet needs of men: isolation will destroy you. We need tribes of other men to hold us accountable, teach us about our own potential we may not be seeing, and call us out when we need it.
He recounts a moment in a recent meeting where he was called out by Brad who used some uncharacteristic language to confront Derik with a challenge to become better. Brad's comments are seconded my Taco Mike, Thunt, and Mike Olsen.
This short episode represents a year of podcasting for the Alpha Quorum. Get ready, dudes. We've only just begun.
Taco Mike describes three keys to living a healthy life: not throwing away your confidence, enduring difficult times, and not shrinking from the hardest challenges in life. He describes a pivotal moment in his life when he had to realize that the road he was on wasn't taking him anywhere that he wanted to be and he had to "find an alternate route."
Mike Olsen describes his recent "greasy cheek" colonoscopy at his 50 year-old physical with Dr. Cindy and relates how choosing temporary discomfort can prevent disease of the medical, emotional, social, or spiritual type. He shares how it takes the courage to be vulnerable to feedback to live a healthy life. Hear how much he was entertained by nurse Myra's discomfort with her first procedure like this and Mike's relief that they only use their pinky!
He asks himself:
"Am I happy at work? Am I happy with my relationships? Could I have an emotional or a mental cancer and be in denial of it or not even be aware and be so afraid of change that I'm not even going to ask those questions. And I know that there are many people that ignore the medical advice to their own peril. They ignore personal advice to make changes when they could take action that would dramatically improve their medical and or mental or spiritual wellbeing. So why? Fear. That's the reason. Fear of change. Fear of other people's opinions. Fear of hearing the truth, lack of faith. Getting out of our comfort zone and FACING the uncomfortable situation and facing any potential truths and doing what the data proves can dramatically increase the quality of our life, or even save our life is worth it. "
In this short episode, Brad reveals a personal struggle --and one he often sees in the men he works with--overvaluing one's own worth, contributions, and story as KING BABY. He teaches men how they should stop placing such high value on their own suffering and pain, and instead find those who are themselves in need of rescue. This is the first of a few short episodes where each member of the Quorum teaches something they are learning. Stay tuned as we prepare to celebrate our one year anniversary and re-calibrate for a new and even more powerful future.
Taco Mike reveals one of the sources of his profound inspiration lately: thoughts he is channeling from his ancestor dubbed the "Price of Preachers," the great Charles Spurgeon from 19th-century England. The quorum tells of lessons they have learned from stories in their family histories.
Negative emotions are futile to try to harbor. Taco Mike teaches how he lets anger go by realizing he is only screwing himself and paying the price even when the person he is angry with has long moved on.
Thunt makes a return to share an update about the loss of a friend he felt he was overly dependent on.
Stress tests are how some systems are evaluated for their strength and integrity: the cardiovascular system, the foundations in buildings, fire systems, and certainly relationships.
See those tests coming before they even happen. Stress points us to our weakness.
Derik teaches men that expectations are often what gets us so tied up in knots. We share again the benefits of having a tribe of men to share your thoughts with and men who will challenge you and push you through the difficult times that will inevitably come.
BEST EPISODE EVER!! Derik, Brad, Taco Mike, and Mike Olsen discuss the adventures that helped them become grown-ass men. Brad discusses a recent trip to Zion National Park and shares a lesson about what to do when you get lost in life. Derik describes a recent experience in a sauna with an elderly man in a Speedo and the colorful adventure he took traveling alone from Marseilles, France to Barcelona, Spain (alone) at the age of 18. Mike describes his solo cross-country motorcycle trip where he learns love from a legless guy named 'Drifter' and how he lost three boy scouts overnight in a national park. Mike Olsen discusses the Lake Mead bike race he put together with the once-homeless and former US Olympic Gold Medalist Alexi Grewal and a trip to a gay bar during a Las Vegas Metro Police ride-along. Derik 'the bear' tells how disappointed when he was never ONCE hit on at a gay bar in California and wraps up this Alpha episode with a powerful summary of how adventure ultimately brings men closer to their Creator.
In yet another voyage into new territory, the Alpha Quorum speaks with ordained Rabbi and licensed psychologist, Dr. David Brownstein. Our topic is LEADERSHIP.
We each describe our personal leadership mentors or heroes and describe what it means to be a leader and the attitudes, actions, and attributes are of effective leaders.
We discuss Brad's first clinical director: author, presenter, and licensed psychotherapist Dennis Ashton. Taco Mike teaches about the leadership qualities of Ernest Shackleton, a 20th-century British explorer who led a heroic survival effort in 1914 after tragedy struck his team of expeditioners while trekking across Antarctica. Derik discusses the qualities that were modeled by former President Ronald Reagan and New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick.
Dr. Brownstein describes the inspiring and remarkable qualities of Rabbi Menachem Schneerson, known as the Rebbe, one of the most revered and influential Jewish leaders of the 20th Century.
We describe what it takes to be an effective leader:
Recognition of Strengths in Others
Clarity of Purpose
Dr. Brownstein teaches about the importance of promoting others and helping your team actualize their individual and collective strengths. This episode will help you take more responsibility in you own behavior and become the leader that the people around you are waiting for you to become. Take your candle out from under the bushel and let your light shine.
In part two of a two-part series for WOMEN about how to understand men, we discuss some feedback from the previous episode (040 Bring the Honey). Taco Mike teaches how men 'doing their part' isn't necessarily an aphrodisiac, but failing to do your part at home during the day can definitely kill her mood for 'business-time' at night.
We discuss Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, how men aren't mind-readers, and the importance of men having toys and the need for a masculine tribe of supportive men who challenge them to tell the truth and who tell THEM the truth.
This is truly one of our best episodes yet, on all dimensions, and we speak to both men AND women about the experience of being a man.
Derik ends the show with a promise to record the next show without his shirt on if we can get 10 comments on our Facebook page about this episode. Twenty ratings and reviews on Apple Podcasts or iTunes demands Derik's follow-through on his commitment to do the next show with no pants on!
With Derik's signature style of humor, Brad's clinical expertise working with men and women in a counseling setting, and Mike's experience as a recovery coach, the Alpha Quorum comes through BIG-TIME with part two of this one-of-a-kind series about how women can best understand some of the basic needs and perspectives of men.
***This is an adult conversation most suitable for adults.
In a ground-breaking move, the Alpha Quorum addresses WOMEN for the first time as they review some of the principles illuminated in the best-selling book, "For Women Only," by Shaunti Feldhahn. We specifically talk about two common complaints of men: 1) that the emotional environment is negative and what he needs is appreciation and 2) the importance of physical touch and sexual fulfillment, specifically. Women: he needs to be appreciated and his sexual interest in you is not merely a selfish desire for a sensual release but a desire to truly connect with you. If you want to own your man, say "thank you" and affirm him with touch Men: she needs to feel LOVED, lovable, beautiful and when she feels special with your compliments, she opens herself to you in a way that you may not have encountered before. Brad describes why women should NOT reluctantly and begrudgingly accommodate him sexually when they don't want it, but that communication is the key to sexual fulfillment for both partners. Taco Mike teaches how men can bring the intimacy to the intimacy and the importance of putting in the work and being attentive throughout the day. Derik explains how men *aren't pigs* who simply need a biological release, but they want a connection that is based in a desire for emotional connection. While we try to address our comments to women, this hybrid-style episode will be informative to both women AND men. **ADULT CONVERSATION, MOST SUITABLE FOR ADULTS.
As part two of a two-segment episode, we discuss mortality and why we should consider the finite nature of our lives and how this helps men develop an attitude of reverence, which is the openness to all valuable things.
Derik discusses 'rock bottom' and how men can find the gifts in his worst and darkest hours. We must tell the truth in order to grow.
Telling the truth requires humility which is an attribute of masculinity. It takes an Alpha to admit wrongs and work to make changes. Sometimes 'rock bottom' is a gift toward discovering and rediscovering manhood.
Mike says "gratitude is sexy" and Brad teaches how seeing the good in even your most difficult circumstances is a prerequisite for hope. In order to know that the future is going to work out, we have to realize how things has always worked out. Even in the midst of self-destruction, gratitude makes all the difference.
Mike teaches about the Hero's Journey and how men either choose to be humble or are compelled into humility through hardship. But there are 'guides' all around you.
Luke Skywalker was reluctant to move forward into his future until he made the decision to start his journey. Only then did he find a worthy mentor in Yoda.
Take ownership in the problems of your life, tell the truth of your situation, especially when you have created your own mess.
Maybe we are like Luke Skywalker, and are forced into growth. You don't know every thing bro. Humble yourself and develop a masculine sense of reverence. Submit to the process of healing as you become a grown-ass man: an Alpha.
Mike recounts some special moments where he and his dirt-biking brothers brought some love and service to an orphanage on the most recent of his 'Taco Tours' in Baja, Mexico.
After last weeks episodes on porn, we decide to turn our discussion to reverence: the respect and awe of all valuable things. We discuss the need for a having a framework for understanding the bigger-picture of life which helps men understand themselves, other people, hardships, and the universe as a whole.
Whether you are an atheist or a faitheist, this episode will inspire you to tap into universal power and beauty, which ironically includes the need for you to 'lay down in the dirt' and be like David, King of Israel, who said he is "a worm, and no man."
Talking points include Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump, narcissism as the enemy of spiritual growth, when you should just keep on sinning, and the need for a higher power and how to connect to it, with and without traditional religious practices.
This is part one of a two-part episode which covers Reverence, from The Red 9, the principle characteristics of masculinity as seen by the Alpha Quorum.
Segment 2 of a two-part episode about porn and compulsive sexual behavior. We answer the following questions:
When does it become "an addiction"?
What is the cycle of compulsive sexuality?
What keeps men stuck in it?
What do they need to do to get out of it?
Taco Mike and Brad disclose their own struggles with this and other addictions and discuss ways men can get out of this cycle. We discuss steps men and young men need to take in order to avoid the pitfall of pornography, which is NOT alpha. This information is based on decades of personal recovery and professional help for men who are dealing with these issues that diminish true masculinity. Feeling disconnection leads to self-indulgence, then shame and hiding, which returns the addict back to a feeling of isolation. Jeremy describes "warrior chemistry" and how to change one's mental state from temptation to fighting against the plague of porn and compulsive sexual behavior. Be sure to listen to Episode 036 as segment one to this epic series.
In what is sure to become our most popular episode to date, we explore the topic of pornography and answer the following questions:
What's the big deal with porn anyway, it isn't hurting anyone?
How serious a problem is this?
Why is porn so addictive?
Why does it hurt relationships?
What predisposes men to this problem?
We discuss the neurological and chemical reasons that pornography can be so addictive. We explore the difference between occasional perusal and addiction and the wiring in the male sexual drive that predisposes men to pornography. Up to 70% of all men (and 33% of women) have had or will have a problematic relationship with porn in their lifetime. Taco Mike describes evidences in the ruins of ancient societies about compulsive sexual pursuits. Brad and Jeremy teach about why there is no safe use of pornography and that it isn't possible to habitually view pornography without an impact on those around us. Other topics include rape culture, visual cues of fertility and so much more. This is segment one of a two part series. Look for the next episode soon!
Disclaimer: We recognize that our views could be controversial. We are using personal experiences and the experiences of men in the recovery environment who have badly damaged their personal peace and the strength and intimacy of relationships.
In this important episode, we discuss the ways that men struggle to control their impulses: rude comments, sexual mismanagement, anger and aggression are all explored as well as ways to take better control of urges coming from the surges of testosterone. Mike describes the differences between men and women as evidenced by their behaviors in their respective prisons, where he spends time every day for months at a time.
Derik drops knowledge: "Society really lives or dies with how men choose to use their masculine attributes." We should be using our power to protect, not to dominate others. Masculine impulses, depending on how they are channeled, will make or break you."
Mike teaches about 'the moment before the moment' where the control over these impulses can best be maintained.
Excellent episode, guys!
Taco Mike hosts his first show while Derik is at home with heart troubles. This episode is a deep-dive discussion on forgiveness. Clean-shaven Taco Mike reports on his recent trip to Spain and Italy and confesses to placing 'Taco Tours' stickers in front of the Colosseum and somewhere in the Vatican and explains how he is now an international fugitive. Chad catapults himself into manhood with his first home repair and visit to Home Depot.
Chad Harmon and Mike Olsen share some deeply personal stories where they've had to learn how to see themselves and others in a more forgiving light. We share some steps that you need to take to first acknowledge your wrongs and take a full and honest accounting for them and secondly, how to see yourself through the difficult process of forgiving yourself.
This episode is jam-packed with ideas about what you need to do if you are harboring haunting secrets or other mistakes that have produced guilt and shame within you.
You might laugh *and* cry listening to this episode! Brad, Jeremy, and Derik share the most important lessons they've learned from their parents. These deeply-personal experiences help you get to know these three in a new way. Jeremy illustrates the most important thing he learned by his parents' example which he has carried into his own life. Amid his usual cheeky humor, Derik shares a divinely-profound lesson that his father taught him after a family tragedy. His story will leave you stunned with inspiration and motivation to see your problems in a healthier way. Dude. Awesome episode. Leave us a review if you agree!
Derik insults the driver of an orange Camaro while gassing up. We discuss mindful, proactive awareness vs. the reactivity and the victim stance that people often like to put themselves in. The conversation evolves into parenting and how to help children most: by letting them fail. Brad describes 'the paradox of control' and Jeremy teaches how we manifest our own outcomes by our thoughts and how parents are being selfish by not allowing children to learn through natural consequences.
The Alpha Quorum Show is proud to introduce a brand new series of podcasts where we interview influencers in the field of personal development. For our first interview, Derik spends some time with Rainier Wylde, host of the Lost Man Standing Podcast, and discusses how sometimes our calling in life can come from our most painful experiences. Rainier gets raw and personal about some of his greatest failures and how he was able heal himself and his relationships while sharing cigars, whiskey and honesty with his tribe.
Jeremy reviews the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" and highlights the part of the book about values. Guest Chad Harmon teaches how clarity of values helps you set healthy boundaries. Chad and Jeremy describe the need to focus on values which you have 100% control over. Derik is pleased to hear Chad's position that we aren't quite as fat as we sound on the show.
Derik wins the weekend by going Ghandi and fasting for 74 hours (except for Coke Zero). He returns fully alive and fully crushing on Tom Brady, but willing to leave his Patriots party for this show. The guys discuss what boundaries are, how to set them, respect them, and maintain them. Resentment or other negative feelings signal the crossing of boundaries which likely still need to be identified, articulated and agreed upon. Quorum newcomer and future alpha influencer Chad joins the show to discuss the boundaries of dating in the world of social media.
Master Ninja Leavitt teaches the Quorum how to break boards with their bare hands. Working through some initial nervousness and lack of know-how, everyone succeeds in tonight's mission: to visualize, slow it down, and not be afraid. But first, Derik ends up on the floor and almost needs to use his new Christmas present: the iPhone EKG machine. This is one you won't want to miss!
Derik begins by busting Brad's balls about drinking a Monster Energy drink at 8pm and we explore whether or not "taurine" is extracted from bull semen. Mike details the very positive experiences he's had since implementating his wife's feedback. He details his approach, how he asked, what she shared, hows he's taken the initiative to fix his prior failures at home and how this has dramatically improved his marriage. He also describes his weekend trip to dirtbike in Mexico and how, behind his helmet, he sees more clearly what he should be more focused on: his family.
Hear the things we've each had to learn the hard way regarding avoidance, not using your voice, foreboding joy, committing to things you shouldn't, and running sideways.
Brad talks about passing kidney stones and what he learned from his kids' great grandmother one day while being stuck in a room with her at Christmas.
Jeremy discusses how gratitude is the antidote for foreboding joy.
Derik can't do second grade math, and Thunt teaches us to use our support, pass the ball and get up field.
Derik, Jeremy and Brad describe the old man gifts they hope to have for Christmas and Thunt shares about the chicken-head-phone-stabilizer thing he hopes Santa brings him. Another humorous look into the real-life situations of the Alpha Quorum.
Thunt makes his best contribution ever: a new name for Taco Mike. While Mike is gone riding motorcycles with the Tom Brady of dirt bikes, Tyler takes advantage of his inability to spell to give him a new name. We discuss what our wives told us we need to work on to make our relationships more meaningful and complete. Derik is looking for a new cardiologist and Brad teaches Thunt how not to overthink. This is one of our best ever. *Grown up language and grown up conversation.
In Episode 019, the guys planned to ask their wives and family for feedback about what they need to be doing better. This was recorded the same night, BEFORE asking for this feedback. Hear what each man predicts will be the answers to his question. Listen next week to find out what they were ACTUALLY told.
The process IS the content. Derik reports on his courageous contact this week. Brad sends a bitchy text to the Quorum and then gets punched in the mouth with feedback about his own failures and how he needs to have better work/life boundaries. He reveals how his overcompensation with work reflects a diminished sense of self-control in other areas of his life including relationships at home. This honest self-reflection inspires a profoundly-insightful discussion about how men can regain respect from their partners. The guys all share the things they are working on their personal lives. Another enlightening episode sprinkled with trademark humor regarding lumbersexuals, stretchy pants, and how Thunt won Thanksgiving will be sure to light a fire under the onions of the self-absorbed man. The assignment for the week is to solicit some feedback and have the balls to follow through with making the changes that she most desperately needs you to make. Check out our mini-episode later this week for the predictions each of us makes about the feedback our wives are probably going to give us.
*Grown up conversation with some mild grown-up language.
What is it about our modern society that is making all of us so anxious?! To those who have come before us, we are living their dream. Anything and everything that one could possibly want is right here for the taking. We are surrounded by abundance and opportunity and yet the rate of depression and anxiety it is high, and the suicide rate for men is critically high. The Quorum dives deep into their own experiences and internal struggles with depression and anxiety to discuss the effect it has had on their sense of well being as well their physical health. Old wounds are opened and Derik reveals a part of himself that even he wasn’t aware existed.
Assignments were made, appointments were made to be kept. Every end has a beginning and every beginning has an end.
This one is worth the wait.
*These are grown-up conversations with some grown-up language.
We continue the conversation with Mike Olsen as he describes the wisdom he gained through two difficult divorces. He recognized that "control is not your friend" and that trying to manipulate your environment never works out but instead leads you to becoming less and less open to what you *should be seeing and hearing. Hear how he took lessons from these marriages to become a better father, business man, and husband to the beautiful Mrs. Olsen.
BONUS EPISODE: Hear about the epic MANRICHMENT that occurred earlier this month. Mike discusses his three-wheeled wonder, the sparkly red VW hot rod trike that some are now calling Dorothy. Hear reviews from each participant as well as the general purpose of these events. The next one will be in March in celebration of Chuck Norris' birthday. Plan on it, dudes.
The Quorum welcomes its first-ever interview! Mike Olsen, mikeolsen.biz, was introduced to the podcast very early in its existence and wanted to become a part of it. This is part one of his story.
Born in a small town in eastern Utah, Mike overcame a birth defect to become a successful two-sport college athlete. Mike passes along some of the the lessons learned from his “normal” upbringing. The blessing of being born with a deformed hand and how it has landed him hard-to-get tee-times. Twice divorced, Mike reflects on difficult lessons learned from those experiences and how he has made peace with it. We loved having Mike be a part of the show and look forward to his future involvement with this movement.
New sound engineer Tyler Hunt gets the nickname of Thunt and Mike invents a new term to describe his ramblings: Flappin Off.
Men hate church because they are underwhelmed. The stench of wound masking and the surface-level emptiness of non-attachment is why they are bored and resist the traditional church experiences of our day. What do they want instead? Authenticity. Real talk. We contrast the typical suburban experience of 'church' with the rawness and unconcealing that happens in addiction recovery groups like 12-step programs along the lines of Alcoholics Anonymous.
But it aint the church's fault. YOU are the church. Open up, bro. Tell your story. Tell your truth. Be authentic, yourselves. Find the person that needs your welcoming generosity. Be the one who shakes up the staleness with your radical love and acceptance of (yourself first, and then) the people who are secretly there seeking the same kind of depth and connection.
In this episode, we explore an example of the perfect masculine (and it's not Rambo). Regardless of your beliefs about the historical Jesus of Nazareth, His story stands alone as an example of pure masculinity. Charity, humility, tough love, defending the weak, reproving the corrupt, and teaching by example are all contained in this ideal archetype of manhood. Whether you're an atheist and see Him as a fictional character or a faitheist believer, look to His story for the most complete portrayal of what it means to be man.
Jeremy reports on the weekend drive to Mexico which included witnessing a cartel crime scene and something about 70 tacos. Check in with Taco Mike who camped with his family on the beach in Cali, and Brad obsessed over whether or not he should attempt a first-ever brake job on his daily driver '09 Silverado.
Serious talk begins at 6:46 where Brad, Jeremy, and Mike share their thoughts on what goes wrong in relationships and how men need to step up, slow down, and be in the present in order to have a better relationship. Don't get "tipped over..." every time she gives you a look. Be unf*ckwithable.
The process is the content.
Deke begins by bullying Taco Mike again about his beard looking like a homeless man who hangs out by his office. Taco Mike becomes Yoda and starts dropping WISDOM.
He comes uncomfortably out of the Christian closet to share his private 3-year ministry with Billy, a former Las Vegas homeless Desert Storm veteran that Mike helped get back on his feet and living with family.
This humble brilliance comes between parts one and two of the interview with unmarried Vegas Mormon* millennial and rugby coach Tyler Hunt, and demonstrates the enormous range of this blossoming team of unassuming alphas. After learning what Tyler is going to name his first baby, we finish off this monumental episode with advice for how Tyler can live to be 100, not get dumped, expose himself to his friends (but not like that), and recognize the need for and grow his tribe of brothers.
Mike refuses to use the V-word. Derik accentuates a curious syllable of the word "cockpit" and challenges the quorum to share something they need to be doing but aren't and how the others can keep them accountable. It's about to get real, hommes.
See if you can find the part that should've been edited out.
Check out this short segment where the guys talk about their favorite man movies!! There's some good stuff in here and you can get a better understanding of each by learning about their movies. Listen now to find out which one said said "50 First Dates!!"
Part One of Two. Derik, Mike and Brad talk with guest Tyler Hunt (a Las Vegas rugby coach bachelor) who shares how he feels his life as a millennial compares to that of the older hosts, as well as what keeps him up at night and the hilarious reason he likes to hover above 250+ on the ole scale. Stay tuned for part two later this week!
Derik, Brad, Mike, and Jeremy talk about the #MeToo movement and now the #HimToo absurdity, as well as how to protect your sons in this day and age, all about sexual consent, why your wife isn't having sex with you. Oh, and Jim Bob Duggar.
Host Derik Johnson explores the importance of being aware that your legacy will matter to those around you. He shares how a recent loss has him reflecting on the value of remembering who is watching and listening to you. Short episode. You're welcome.
Meet the host and co-founder of Alpha Quorum, Derik Johnson as interviewed by co-founder Brad Singletary who explores Derik's background and the reason for his interest in this movement. We explore topics such as vulnerability, leadership, and the role of women in this changing world of ours. Oh, and sex robots.
We live in a time where traditional masculinity is under assault. What was once considered normal and honorable is being called toxic. Our young boys are treated as predators in waiting. Is it any wonder that there is a crisis of masculinity in western civilization?!