The Raising Humans Kind Podcast

This podcast episode is all about what to reflect on when we have acted outdside of our value system. Often our unconscious fears and deeper desires are what are driving those reactions and becoming aware of those is such a powerful way to be able to address the issue at the core.

Free Lesson on The Art of Repair:

Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

In this episode, I share 3 important ways that we can reduce the feelings of separation between a child and the out of home working parent. These simple practices can have such a huge impact on a child's level of alarm and their challenging behaviour.

Instagram : @raisinghumanskind

How long should my kid play?

What if I have an under 3 year old?

Why do 3-5 year olds struggle with play with other kids?

What do I do about all the mess?

I cover these four questions inside today's episodes to outline 4 new developmentally ways of thinking about self directed play.

It's hard to keep a handle of the amount of toys that end up in your home! So I have collected 5 respectful ways that you can minimise toys with your children.

If you are a parent of a child with anxiety and are interested in the class on Managing Anxiety at Home, you can find out more here:

https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/courses/a-pathway-to-managing-anxiety-in-children-at-home

This sounds simple but it's surprisingly uncommon! In today's episode, I share one of the key factors that I notice parents miss when they try and get their children to help them on family tasks.

The book that I talk about in this episode is Hunter, Gather Parent by Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff 

Follow on Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

Website: holisticfamilypsychologist.com

In this episode, I share a wonderful conversation with Kirsty Wirth from Kultured Wellness all about how a child's microbiome can actually be one of the key factors in resolving picky eating.

If you want more from Kirsty and her course, you can find her details at: https://www.kulturedwellnesstraining.com/picky-eaters-landing-page?fbclid=IwAR0MYm6kruoEfX89XJho54o3PI_cNh4LmSxFsJ5DogkeIm0BhWQNMIPOjus

Previous Podcast episodes on the topic of Picky Eating:

Alarm and Picky Eating:

022 | Picky eating and gut health

021 | Picky eating and alarm

020 | Boundaries and expectations around food - can it be done with respect?

019 | Our long term relationship with food - What really matters.

Today's episode is inspired by something I heard this week:

"How can I renegotiate my definition of success by how many times did I laugh today?"

This was shared by Blu (@blueofearth) and inspired me to share about how playful parenting runs much deeper than just gaining cooperation. It is our way of sending a message to our children that play is important, even in a society that doesn't value it.

Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

Website: holisticfamilypsychologist.com

In this episode, I share 8 important things to understand around violent play and young children. This is part two and the previous episode can be listened to here:

Further Reading:

Lisa Dion : Aggression in the Playroom

Lawrence Cohen: Playful Parenting

Peter Gray: https://www.self-directed.org/contact/media-and-interviews/peter-gray/

Dr Gordon Nuefeld: https://neufeldinstitute.org/

This is the first part of two episodes on 8 important things to know about violent play in young children.

In today's episode, I share why I actually don't think all Mums need a hobby. For some people, they are deeply fulfilled in their family life and find a way to get their needs met within that space.

Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

Website: holisticfamilypsychologist.com

If you've followed my work for a while you'll know I'm big on releasing the expectation of being the entertainer of your child's life. In today's episode, I share about one Mum's insight into WHY she unconsciously felt that she needed to do this for her child. So many of you will relate to her "why" and understanding this deeper unconscious desire can be the thing that allows you to work towards integrating it and updating it to something that works for the whole family.

Instagram: @raisinghumandkind

website: holisticfamilypsychologist.com

It can be really important to have children witness conflict because it is an inevitable part of life however, they TYPE of conflict they witness is essential to consider.

]In this episode, I share the 5 things that my husband and I try and do if we are having a challenging conversation in front of our children.

In this episode, I guide you through a short inquiry practice to help you see how jealousy is simply feedback. The emotion of jealousy can be used to help you understand yourself and your desires more deeply.

Follow along Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

This is a story of an incredible client of mine and the analogy she used to explain to her daughter who was feeling nervous.

This mother tapped into a deeper knowing of emotions because she had been doing her own inner work and it is THAT inner work that allows parents to just know what to say. We don't need scripts, we need to walk the path ourselves.

If you want to dive deeper into my Membership: https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/bundles/The-Raising-Humans-Collective

Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

In this episode I dive into why disappointment is so important and how it helps reduce aggression.

I share 3 ways that you can help your child stay in their feeling of disappointment without defending against it.

Feeling Fables: https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/courses/feeling-fables

Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

In this episode I dive into why guilt is so important for children to feel.

I talk about what it looks like for them to defend against it and 3 ways that we can help them really stay in the moment to allow the natural consequence to play out.

Last week's episode on vulnerability is here: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/5-reasons-children-need-to-feel-their-vulnerability/id1607415212?i=1000612761789

Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

In this episode I share 5 of the reasons why it's so important for children to feel and access their vulnerability.

I dive into what it looks like when they are accessing that state of vulnerability and what it looks like when they're more defended against that vulnerability.

This episode will help you know exactly what to look for in your child and why it's so essential to keep your child's heart open to the world.

Instagram: @raisinghumanskind

website: holisticfamilypsychologist.com

Feeling Fables workshop: Coming Soon

In this episode I guide you through an approach that will help your child recover from trauma.

This approach can be used on any example of trauma however, in this episode I am going to focus on sleep training.

I have so many parents tell me that they wished they hadn't sleep trained but now they don't know what to do or how to move forward. This episode is for those parents - the parents who have been saying, well I did sleep train, so what on earth do I do now?

If you want to dive deeper, my workshop Healing at Home is on Sale until Sunday (Melbourne time) for only $29 and can be found here: https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/courses/healing-at-home

Instagram : @raisinghumanskind

This is the 4th episode on this mini series where I unpack different ways of looking at picky eating.

The important link I make in today's episode is how an imbalanced microbiome can influence a child's desire for a variety of food. If this is the case, that a child's gut health needs attention, then their selective eating isn't a "wait it out issue", it becomes much more of a "work it out issue". It could mean that the selective eating is simply a symptom, or a red flag, showing us that there is a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

Listen to the first episode in this minis series on picky eating called "Our Long Term Relationship with Food - What really Matters" here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-raising-humans-kind-podcast/id1607415212?i=1000605248444

Instagram : @raisinghumanskind

Freebie available now on The A.R.T. of Conscious Repair :

https://holisticfamilypsychologist.com/repairfreebie

In this episode I share one of the common driving forces of picky eating that I see in my clinical practice - alarm.

I talk about why our children often feel alarmed and what to look out for in your child. I also talk about some developmentally appropriate ways to manage alarm in young children and how reducing the alarm can actually reduce your child's selective eating.

Workshop on Alarm : Beneath the Fear : https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/courses/beneath-the-fear

use the code : podcast at checkout for a 30% discount on the workshop

Instagram : @raisinghumanskind

In today's episode I open up the conversation about an alternative way to approaching food that is widely accepted within the respectful parenting community. I whole heartedly agree that we shouldn't resort back to counting bites and control around food but I do wonder if we've gone too far. This is a particularly important episode for those with a high value on physical health or those who are on a healing journey and need their children to have variety.

I address the following widely accepted ideas and share why I have NOT adopted these ideas in my home:

- It's best to avoid encouraging a child to eat particular foods

- It's important to be neutral in our explanation of all food

- If a child wants multiple serving of the one food then that should be made available to them

- Allowing children to have processed food early in life can prepare them for later in life when they have more access to it

My aim in this episode is not to tell you what to do, it is to encourage you to filter all ideas through your own value system and honour what lands and let go of the rest.

Instagram : @raisinghumanskind

Previous episode on what really supports a long term healthy relationship with food: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/our-long-term-relationship-with-food-what-really-matters/id1607415212?i=1000605248444

Sometimes we get caught up in the detail and lose sight of the depth and the destination that is needed. And this is what is happening around food. We are getting caught up on the "right" and "wrong" things to say or do in the moment but we're losing the depth that is required to arrive at the destination we all care about most.

In this episode I highlight the 3 most important factors that I see as being essential in our child's long term relationship with food.

This is the first episode in a 4 part series where I will share a lot more about boundaries and health and picky eating.

Instagram : @raisinghumanskind

A common recommendation is to "find the yes" with young children when you're saying no to something.

This can be really powerful but can also get in the way of getting to the heart of the matter with your child's challenging behaviours, particularly their unrelenting requests.

In this episode I share:

- when NOT to 'find the yes' and why

- what to do instead of finding the yes

- when it works well to 'find the yes'

Follow along at instagram : @raisinghumanskind

Society has a strong message around not allowing children to avoid hard things. And it's a good point but there is more nuance to the conversation that is needed.

In today's episode I outline the difference between hardening hard versus healthy hard.

Why sometimes you're prioritising not avoiding and why that's so important.

And what key ingredient you need for your child to access their bravery. 

For more, follow along at instagram @raisinghumanskind

This episode is all about family centred living. This is the place where we can get our needs met at the same time as our children can have their own needs met, it's not about parents or children, it's both. I share in today's episode 5 examples of family centred living and how it works in my own life.

Find Rachel Rainbolt who I refer to inside this episode on instagram @sagefamily and her website sagefamily.com

Follow me along over at instagram @raisinghumanskind or visit my website: holisticfamilypsychologist.com

Grab the cooperation Freebie : holisticfamilypsychologist.com/cooperation

The question I get always is: "But playfulness makes things worse with my kid! They get so hyperactive, they never want to stop!"

In this episode I offer the most important mindset shift for you to consider when entering into playfulness with your child. Changing the way you think and what to expect will shift the way in which you can enjoy this incredible form of connection with your kid.

Grab my FREE "Day in the Life of Gaining Cooperation":  holisticfamilypsychologist.com/cooperation

In this episode, Ashleigh has a very special guest - Her husband, Mike.

Ashleigh asks him about one parenting choice that they didn't automatically agree on - PLAY.

Mike wanted to play with his kids a lot, thinking that it made him the involved dad that he wanted to be.

However, Ashleigh knows that self directed play is a major need in children's development and that it must be protected.

This episode is all about how they navigated that difference.

If you want to join me inside The K.I.N.D Collective, the membership is open for 1 MORE DAY! : https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/bundles/The-Raising-Humans-Collective.

In this episode I help you understand the children who have a tendency to avoid feeling their more vulnerable feelings. These kids have a tendency to get stuck in mad and rarely move into their more sad and disappointed feelings.

I share 3 reasons WHY kids tend to avoid their feelings and I share 3 things that we can do in the moment to support them to move INTO their feelings.

If you want to join me inside The K.I.N.D Collective, the membership is open this week only : https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/bundles/The-Raising-Humans-Collective.

In this episode I share the 7 fundamental N.E.E.Ds of early childhood. These provide the very conditions that allow a child to flourish into true maturity and into a self regulated adult. For each need I outline one practical idea that you can focus on today with your own child. These are the fundamentals that we should always be focused on however, are particularly important if our child is stuck. When a child is stuck, it will be because one aspect of one of these 7 needs is not being met and that is what will be causing our child to stay stuck. 

If you want to FREE access to "The 6 Signs of a Stuck Kid", just click here and grab the video now: https://holisticfamilypsychologist.com/stuckkid

If you want to join us inside my membership space, The Collective, when we open January 25th, pop your name on the wait list here :  https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/bundles/The-Raising-Humans-Collective

And for more information on stuck and sensitive kids follow along @raisinghumanskind

In this episode I will share with you:

- Why it's so important to understand our more sensitive children

- Why sensitive children are more easily stuck than other children

- What is means to be stuck and what we can do to support our stuck kids

- What part parents can play in getting their stuck kid back on track

- Plus, I run through a detailed example of what to do in a situation common in many households in a way that supports more sensitive children to mature into adults who can regulate their emotions.  Hint: it's NOT about teaching more emotional regulation skills. 

Dive Deeper:

FREE lesson on 6 Signs of a Stuck Kid

https://holisticfamilypsychologist.com/stuckkid

Dr Gordon Neufeld coined the term stuck kids and has pioneered the developmental science that guides this episode. You can check out his work and courses here: https://neufeldinstitute.org/

If you wish to dive into my membership, The Raising Humans Collective, you can pop your name on the wait list or find out more by clicking below. We open January 25th 2023: https://learning.holisticfamilypsychologist.com/bundles/The-Raising-Humans-Collective

And for more guidance on stuck and sensitive kids,  follow along my instagram page @raisinghumanskind

Kristin Mariella, a worldwide parenting educator, author and mum of three, joins me this week to discuss boundaries. She shares her most transformative mindset shift in boundary setting. We talk about the biggest mistake parents make, which almost always leads to frustration and how you can prevent this and we dive into what boundaries sound like and how to follow through on them. This is an essential piece of the puzzle in conscious discipline and you won’t want to miss this!

Find the full show notes : https://holisticfamilypsychologist.com/episode/5

Follow me on instagram : @raisinghumanskind

This week I chat with Psychologist and mum of twins, Dr Tamara Soles. She shares with us why emotional regulation is key in understanding and addressing challenging behaviour and what this might look like around examples like bedtime and transitions. This is another piece of the puzzle in letting go of rewards and consequences and addressing discipline in a more holistic manner.

Head to holisticfamilypsychologist.com/episode/3 for the full show notes.

Follow me on instagram @raisinghumanskind

In this episode, I share a conversation with Tracy who is the founder of Raised Good, a natural parenting blog with millions of readers world wide. We talk about how attachment is key in gaining cooperation. We dive into what attachment actually is, how exactly it helps with cooperation and how it helps our children mature. This is one piece of the conscious discipline puzzle that I will share with you in this series, so tune in and let's get clear on what we can do INSTEAD of using rewards and consequences.

Head to holisticfamilypsychologist.com/episode/2 for the full show notes.

Follow me on instagram @raisinghumanskind

Bryana Kappadakunnel, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, joins me today to share her thoughts on the issues of rewards and consequences in parenting. We dive into the damage they do to connection, how they fail to deal with the cause of the challenging behaviour and why they discourage children to come to us with their mistakes, which in the long run is the very thing we need most!

This is the first episode in the series, so tune into to get clear on why we want to get rid of these tools from our tool box and in the rest of the series I will dive into what we should do instead.

Head to holisticfamilypsychologist.com/episode/1 for the full show notes

Follow me on instagram @raisinghumanskind

Welcome! Finally I am sharing what really matters in parenting in podcast format and I'm so excited! This episode is a little about who I am and what you can expect from the podcast.

For more information about the services Ashleigh offers, please visit her website holisticfamilypsychologist.com.