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Attolian Archives

Attolian Archives

By Noelle & Caitlin
A chapter-by-chapter Queen's Thief reread podcast with commentary, news, and occasional screaming. We promise to leave no literary stone unturned, no theory unconsidered, no hand joke unmade.
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A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 21: Pinky Promise
Sounis swears loyalty to Attolis and has a Big Romantic Speech for Helen. We wonder—why is the queen of Attolia uninvolved in the ceremony? Why does Helen get so mad at Sophos? Is the Attolian rumor mill ever out of grist? And (we promise this is relevant) when was tissue paper invented? Transcript available here:
February 21, 2021
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 20: Don't You (Forget About Me)
Sophos wins the final battle, cleans up, imprisons Nomenus, and finally reunites with his mother and sisters. We discuss the anonymity of kingship, what we’re meant to take from Nomenus’s role in the series, responsibility towards enemies as well as friends, and the joys of Queen’s Thief modern AUs. Transcript available here:
February 7, 2021
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 19, Part II: Sun's Out, Guns Out
A sacred truce is broken, two people get shot, an army appears, and a king is elected - what a good thing no one skipped the theater today. We ponder: What was Akretenesh gonna do after committing regicide? Does it matter that Sophos shot with his left hand first? Why is Sophos the only Queen’s Thief narrator who swears? And … if you could put one F word in the series, where would you put it? Transcript available here:
January 24, 2021
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 19, Part I: Oligarchy in Action
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 19, Part I: Oligarchy in Action Sophos discusses principles of government with dozens of uninterested barons. We discuss the tradition of the Baron’s Meet, political theater taking place in an actual theater, accidental intimidation, leaps of faith, and symbolic murals. Transcript available here:
January 10, 2021
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 18: Sexting for Spies
This Just In: Akretenesh slips up, Hanaktos is acting weird, Helen is still crafty AND hot, Sophos is putting two and two together, and THE THIEF HAS BEEN OPTIONED BY DISNEY+. Transcript available here:
December 27, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 17: Be Our Guest! Be Our Guest!
Sophos reaches Brimedius as planned. Akretenesh battles Nahuseresh for title of Most Annoying Mede. We wonder—does being king have an upside? Will the seat of culture shift from Ferria to Attolia if Sophos founds a university? Would Costis and Sophos be friends? And what possible message could be secreted in a half-page love letter? Minor RotT spoiler included. Transcript available here:
December 13, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 16: Bye Bye Love
Sophos leaves to go conquer. We discuss PDA, impaling people on spikes, unnecessary diffidence, what it takes to wield authority, and turtles all the way down. Minor spoilers for RotT. Transcript available here:
November 29, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 15: Wild Night Out on the Town
Two kings walk into a bar … We discuss sneaking out romcom style, who built all the secret palace doors, miraculous solutions to life’s problems, and why Sophos is no longer blessed with divine dreams. Transcript available here:
November 15, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 14, Part II: Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!
It’s Not Opposite Day - Sophos drinks with his enemy and hockey checks his best friend. We discuss manners, self-destruction, trophy husbands, and more. Note: minor spoiler joke for RotT at the end of the outro music. Transcript available here:
November 2, 2020
Return of the Thief: First Reactions (SPOILERS)
Here’s what we thought of Return of the Thief! Warning: we talk about the whole book, so if you haven’t finished it yet and don’t want to know what happens, hold off! Spoiler: WE LOVED IT. Transcript available here: Become a sponsor here (if you want!):
October 18, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 14, Part I: A Game of Telephone
Sophos is inundated with meetings but also gets some garden downtime. We wonder - is having political meetings in your bedroom a power move? Who’s really in charge here? Is this all an elaborate performance meant to distract us? Why is Attolia being so helpful? Have the goats gotten into the laundry again? Transcript available here: Become a sponsor here (if you want!):
October 4, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 13: A Very Odd Engagement
Sophos is finally reunited with Helen! Also in store: Emotions! Mail theft! Accidental ghosting! Friendship! Forgiveness! The Continent! Transcript available here: Become a sponsor here (if you want!):
September 21, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapters 11 and 12: Friends in High Places
Sophos has a very uncomfortable twenty minutes with Attolis and four hundred of his closest friends. We ponder long-distance friendship, political performance, first-person versus third-person narration, whether the queen’s thief books exist in-universe, and fancy fancy dress. Transcript available here: Become a sponsor here (if you want!):
September 6, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 10: Coup d'Tent
Sophos escapes another assassination attempt and then hits the road, while we discuss anti-Mede sentiment, women’s literacy in Sounis, what it takes to win a war, “protective alliances,” and hilarious narration. Thanks to tumblr user ms-digne for the maps comment and links we discuss here! Transcript available here: Become a sponsor here (if you want!):
August 23, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapters 8 and 9: Cracking Open a Cold Amphora with the Boys
As Sophos and co. make a break for it, we discuss broken amphorae, what Sophos owes to other people, international trade routes, and how to tell your dad to shut up. Transcript available here: Become a sponsor here (if you want!):
August 9, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 7: Long Day's Journey into Knife
Sophos begins his escape! With our new guest Blythe, we consider whose choices have weight, how to pronounce Eddis, young love, kingliness, lucky coincidences, and locally grown artisanal cults.  Transcript available here: Become a sponsor here (if you want!):
July 26, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapters 5 and 6: Just Another Brick in the Wall
Daily life continues in Hanaktos, and we discuss impossible choices, humility, authenticity, metaphorical wolves, storytelling, and the library in the sky. Transcript available here:
July 12, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapters 4 and 5: Quick, Act Normal!
Sophos adjusts to a new life, and we talk about who’s in on this plot, Berrone’s thought process, murder (again), and the joy of poetry. Transcript available here:
June 28, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 3: A Lion of a Headache
As Sophos’s fate is left in the hands of … well, not his worst enemy exactly, we touch on botched plans, professionalism, whale watching, elitism, and how to give hints to your crush. Transcript available here:
June 16, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 2: Still Kicking
Sophos discovers the perils of fake friends. We discuss self-image, Baby’s First Murder, Greek myths, slavery in ancient Greece, and slavery in the QT universe. Transcript available here:
May 31, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Chapter 1: How the Tables Have Turned
Local Teen Loses Fight With Table! We discuss this shocking development, as well as unreliable narrators, sisters, epic poetry, timelines, even more gender, and Sophos getting too down on himself. Transcript available here:
May 17, 2020
A Conspiracy of Kings, Prologue: Armed and Dangerous
As two dangerous Sounisian assailants end up in jail, we discuss flashbacks, narrative perspective, foreign visitors, and The Emperor’s New Groove. Transcript available here:
May 3, 2020
The King of Attolia: But Wait, There's More!
Short story time! An overambitious juggler gets more than he bargained for. Eugenides has a night out. Back in the real world, we discuss channeling the divine, Gen being nice, the origins of horse hate, surprisingly accurate likenesses on money, the Attolian DIY scene, and big small stories.
April 19, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 14: Bathtime
In our first Quarantine Episode, Eugenides is King of Attolia and also sweaty and in need of a bath, so he takes one with a bunch of other sweaty dudes. It's symbolic or something. Meanwhile, we discuss push-ups, godlike influence, scars, soldiers, and babies. 
April 5, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 13: Meet Me in the Pit
“I hope that now that you have remembered me, you won’t forget me again,” Laecdomon says. Well, we forget him every time. Discussion points: extreme competence, suspense or lack thereof, Arundhati Roy, minor villains, the word “demesne,” David Sedaris, and whether being good at swords makes you a king.
March 22, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 12, Part II: Are You There, God? It’s Me, Gen
Costis and Gen have a religious experience. Gen gets a massive hangover. We discuss bringing in the emotional cavalry, Costis getting dragged, connections to 30 Rock, why this book would make a great sitcom, HONOR—and who on Earth could be targeting our sweet boy Costis?
March 8, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 12, Part I: Scythe of Relief
The magus enjoys his exile. Irene and Relius find trust. Eugenides destroys some perfectly good drapes. Discussion points: different perspectives on Gen, who gets a first name,  Sophos, scythes, and murder. 
February 23, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 11: Story of My Life
Eugenides drugs a sweet old lady to escape his curfew then suffers through a family reunion. We cover Erondites family vibes, Emily Wilson’s new translation of The Odyssey. Gen’s questionable health, how the loving power of friendship saves the day, and Attolia’s opinions on Costis.
February 9, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 10: Bringing Down the House
In chapter 10, Eugenides defeats Erondites for good (or does he?) and looks very nice in his wife's pajamas. Discussion points: whether or not something's a twist if you know it's coming, the therapeutic value of issuing pardons, lethium (not lithium), smooth shooting, cloth of gold, and goats.  
January 27, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 9: Performance Review
Teleus and co. are freed from a death sentence. We touch on sovereignty, power dynamics, the god of drama, emasculation, fear naps, public perception, and cherry picking.
January 12, 2020
The King of Attolia, Chapter 8: You've Got Me in Stitches
Eugenides bleeds all over the nice linens. Our crack team (featuring special guest Meghan) discusses whiskey, fainting, mood killers, and becoming a beefcake.
December 29, 2019
The King of Attolia, Chapter 7: Garden of Bleedin'
Gen commits triple murder and Costis realigns his life goals. Also on our agenda: solidarity for the useless and unwed, marching into hell, gender politics, divine retribution, and some very bad dogs.
December 15, 2019
The King of Attolia, Chapter 6: Sashes to Sashes
Costis tries to clear his conscience. Meanwhile, we get into oracles, tipping, unexpected empathy, and marital games of chicken. 
December 2, 2019
The King of Attolia, Chapter 5: Sex, Lies, and Archives
As our characters barrel through twenty scenes in this mammoth of a chapter, we discuss intrigue, godliness, justice, queerbaiting (?) and what these people are getting up to in the dark. Has anyone seen Sophos recently?
November 17, 2019
The King of Attolia, Chapter 4: At Wheat's End
The attendants play pranks. Gen gets a lecture. Noelle has a definitely wrong idea about what nuns get up to in their spare time. Also on the docket: middle school, Undercover Boss, meaningful eye contact, and Costis the Awesomely Beautiful. 
November 3, 2019
The King of Attolia, Chapter 3: Breakfast of Champions
As Costis struggles through his first day in the incongruous dream sequence that is somehow now his life, we discuss the logistics of the Queen’s Guard, swords versus guns, fake jokes (real jokes??) and the Queen of Attolia’s never-before-seen sense of humor.
October 20, 2019
The King of Attolia, Chapter 2: Your Mother and I Are Very Disappointed
While Gen and Irene's negotiation goes, quite literally, over Costis's head, we discuss palace secrets, sneaky power, emotionally significant ink pots, and how Gen and Irene are kind of like your parents. 
October 7, 2019
The King of Attolia, Chapter 1: Employee of the Year
Costis starts to realize just what a piece of work Gen really is and clearly Gen’s reign is going super well. Chip joins us again, and we wonder: just what are all these people doing in the prologue? What’s the right way to pronounce all these new names? Is Attolia secretly jacked?
September 22, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 21: ...Take My Whole Life Too
In the grand finale of The Queen of Attolia, our hero sacrifices a goat and we end up with more questions about the gods than when we started. Also featuring: Gen's humility (or lack thereof), mushy romance, the psychological impact of violence, and how hard it can be to say "I love you." 
September 8, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 20: Treaty Her Right
Chloe breaks an amphora, Kamet can't swim, Eugenides doesn't know how to talk to his fiancée, and Irene is skipping church. Treaty negotiations are going great. Also featuring: a brand new river, Beauty and the Beast, divine agendas, ambiguous feelings, and callbacks (forwards?) from Thick As Thieves. 
August 25, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 19: A Tale of Two Queens
While Eddis and Attolia bond over driving the Mede army from their shores, Eugenides has another nap and realizes that his happy ending may be more complicated than he'd thought. Discussion points: gender, paragraph breaks, passive aggression, and the power of love. 
August 11, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 18: Get Rekt Nahuseresh
 Attolia finally shows Nahuseresh she’s a BAMF and we consider getting matching tattoos of this moment. As Eddis and Attolia combine forces to oust the Mede we discuss Attolia’s hatred for Eddis, the pitfalls of gendered thinking, and the nature of gifts. And just where IS this book’s climax, anyway?  
July 28, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 17: Ain't That a Kick in the Head
Attolia makes a life-altering decision. Nahurseresh does some murder. The Minister of War gets a concussion. Meanwhile, Noelle is a dumbass who can't remember what happens in this book and we heroically resist laughing at the word "titular." 
July 15, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 16: Kiss with a Fist
 While Nahuseresh has his moment in the sun, Gen’s night goes from great to less great and Attolia’s priorities drastically realign. We discuss POV shifts, Eddisian self-sacrifice, and all of Megan’s sneaky little hints. Also, after we finished recording we found an answer to the question we couldn’t figure out here—we think the chamberlain WAS looking for the Minister of War because he didn’t know the Minister of War was already with them, in disguise. Thoughts?  
June 30, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 15: The Happiest Man Alive
Eugenides and Attolia take a romantic boat ride while we discuss water imagery, lesbian merging but with Byzantine straights (?), bluffing, power dynamics, and Hannibal Buress. 
June 16, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 14: Penultimatum
Gen accomplishes the first part of his mission and we analyze just why exactly he was able to pull it off, touching on the topics of deception, perception, feudalism, and agrarian economies. All according to plan … 
June 2, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 13: Dam It, Gen
While sneaking Sally– uh, we mean Eugenides, through the alley, we discuss moist men, Kill Bill sirens, wooden cannons, point of view, and whether or not anybody but Gen actually knows what the hell is going on. 
May 19, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Ch 12: Cyanide Bride
In this chapter, Irene’s tragic backstory is finally unlocked and we discuss mothers, jewelry, isolation, and how to completely and totally annihilate your enemies. You know, just girly things.  
May 5, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 11: Bad Dreams of Hot Girls
What will decide the outcome of this war? Queens and kings? The gods? Sheer dumb luck? A dude who just wants to smooch a very scary lady? Find out here! 
April 21, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 10: What Not to Wear
 As Gen starts sword fighting again we discuss the Attolian court’s hot gossip and fashion choices, and our lesbian agenda comes out in a Freudian slip. Did you see what Eddis was wearing last week?? 
April 7, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 9: Do It For the Vines
Our heroes have a nice picnic while civilization crumbles around them and we discuss picnics, the Magus being shifty, gendered deities, and Attolia's obvious denial. Irene SMASH. 
March 24, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 8: International Relations Go Boom
Sounis’s navy goes up in flames, but the second cart of the series appears! We discuss Attolia’s connection to the Mede, the pluralization of cannon, and a side of Gen we’ve never seen before as we continue to gush about our fave themes of (you know it!) performance and the political vs the personal. 
March 10, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 7: War, Then
It's time to put on our war pants. In this episode, Chip's here to do two things: read our intro and f-ck with our renewed resolution not to swear. We also discuss strategy, martyrdom, trousers, and the emotionally cathartic value of boat-burning. 
February 24, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 6: Hide and Seek
Gen hid in a temple and all he got was this lousy message. We wonder about the size of Eddis’s library, discuss the layout of temples, and speculate about the lives of non-royal thieves in Eddis. 
February 10, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 5: Eddisian Weather Report
We discuss war, Nahuseresh, conspiracies, and an intriguing new character called Kamet, but Gen doesn't know about any of it because he is in bed. Cold out today, isn't it? 
January 27, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 4: You Can't Go Home Again
As Gen starts to recover we discuss disability and Gen’s unsupervised childhood, and we wonder whether Gen would Vine if he lived in modern times.  
January 13, 2019
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 3: Take My Hand...
Disaster arrives. We return to the idea of front-loading tragedy and discuss stone, broken amphoras, rationalization, and how this is a weird time for love. 
December 30, 2018
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 2: Hit Me Baby One More Time
Attolia knew she shouldn’t just let him go. Her loneliness is killing her. Gen must confess, he still believes, still believes! Irene hates religious siiiiiigns, hit him baby one more time.
December 16, 2018
The Queen of Attolia, Chapter 1: A Thief Walks into a Bar
We barrel head-on into Book 2; Eugenides barrels head-on into a wooden board. So far, so good. Also featuring: Irene's elusive feelings, irresponsible childcare, hand puns, and our friend Chip.
December 3, 2018
The Thief: But Wait, There's More!
In our concluding episode for The Thief, we lovingly discuss three bonus short stories, applaud the framing of the Queen’s Thief narratives, and realize Gen was wearing bell bottoms THE WHOLE TIME.
November 18, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 12: What I Did On My Summer Vacation
In which Gen takes a well-deserved nap and we talk about Helen, nobility, the elusive Eugenides siblings, and VOLCANO DAY. Next episode, onward to book 2!
November 4, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 11: Get Rekt Ambiades
How can Gen live with the consequences of killing another person? Does Attolia actually have feelings? How many gleeful puns about Ambiades’s death can we fit in twenty minutes? Tune into this week’s episode to find out!
October 21, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 10: Steal Me Once, Steal Me Twice
Is Gen an insider or an outsider? A nationalist or an internationalist? A pacifist or a killer? A moral hero or a sneaky little jerk? This episode, we get down into the river muck with these questions and more while Gen steals the Gift again, right under our noses.
October 7, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 9: I Almost Die (Remix)
In this episode, Gen steals from the Great Goddess and lives to tell about it while we discuss emerald rings, religious awakenings, disability, and the book’s first mention of actual wine!
September 23, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 8: I Almost Die
Spooky maze? Check. Pile of skeletons? Check. Stolen beef jerky? Check. We've got everything we need for a cozy night at the temple. In this episode, Gen makes his first attempt at finding that pesky rock, and we wonder if it's really stealing if a god says it's okay.
September 9, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 7: Dystopian Friction
Everything goes south for Gen but he decides to rise above for the sake of his ambition, while we declare our undying love for the Minister of War and discuss points to load into our gun of analysis.
August 26, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 6: The Secret Lives of Tools
Is the price of immortality a bitter life? Does a position of authority make doing evil unavoidable? Can all these characters just get drunk already? We investigate.
August 26, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 5: Religion is for Rubes
The boys tell some tales while we freak out about the new cover and advance our bi agenda.
August 10, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 4: Don't Know Much About History
240 days until Return of the Thief! In this episode, we cross into Eddis, get a history lesson, and talk about two invasions, two sets of gods, three countries that are maybe one country, and gender. We miss you, innkeeper lady from chapter 3.
August 10, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 3: Roadtrip
The gang’s quest gets underway, and we chat about dads, class, maps, Ambiades’ study habits, and….vampires?
August 10, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 2: Jailbreak
In which we record in Noelle’s noisy apartment and ponder DnD, earrings, and Good Guy Sophos.
August 10, 2018
The Thief, Chapter 1: Worst Job Interview Ever
In which a boy in jail is presented with a proposition, and we wonder about Jesus covers, foreshadowing, kingship, and coins. Pay no attention to the King of Sounis behind the curtain.
August 10, 2018