Aunt Zelda and Me and The Bachelor and The Bachelorette

My friend Margaret guest stars AGAIN BECAUSE IT ONLY MADE SENSE. Aunt Zelda says "leave it on the wrack!" Uncle Floyd admits he's a failed dancer. Margaret realizes her type is West Point. Dillon wants Margaret and Uncle Floyd to do a spinoff. We all agree that Tayshia gets DILLON'D by Brendan

Straight up - the audio is reaaaaal bad for this one. Bare with us....

My friend Kendahl guest stars. Aunt Zelda suggests Kendahl is the most beautiful guest in the world. Uncle Floyd tells a joke about a peanut. Dillon considers becoming a sperm donor. We all agree there is one thing that is most important in a relationship.

My friend Maddie guest stars. Aunt Zelda told Uncle Floyd he needed to move on or she would. Uncle Floyd is FED UP with being called UNCLE FLOYD. Maddie drops some truth bombs about burdening others. Dillon reveals his million dollar polygraph idea for Apple Watch.

My friend Margaret guest stars AGAIN and on her BIRTHDAY. Aunt Zelda DESPISES Bennet. Margaret joins the 5 timers club of AZAM. Uncle Floyd admits he's into the ol' gag and nag. And Dillon updates us all with his break up.

Uncle Floyd lets us in on the secret to how he gets girls phone numbers. Aunt Zelda reveals her biggest fear about marriage––and she's currently facing it. And Dillon is moving on, while weighing if there is anything left to lose.

My friend Margaret guest stars. Aunt Zelda breaks down what actually makes a grown-ass man. Margaret says she'd love to be called a "smoke show". Uncle Floyd says he'll talk about his sex life next week. And Dillon CONTINUES to process his break up, but he's getting there and is realizing it's probably time to move on.

My friend Shosh guest stars AGAIN. Aunt Zelda admits that she hasn't accepted herself yet. Shosh tells Dillon he would fail on The Bachelorette.  Dillon can't seem to escape from processing his most recent break up (it happened last week) and oooof apologies ahead of time. 

My friend Steve guest stars. Aunt Zelda is convinced Clare is the female version of Donald Trump. Uncle Floyd is a MANIAC playing to both sides of the political spectrum. My friend Steve asks the real questions about love. And I... kind of have respect for what Dale did????? I don't know. Maybe. 

We baaaaaaaaack! (with technical difficulties, so bare with us as we try to figure it out!) Uncle Floyd is too afraid to share headphones with Aunt Zelda and immediately bails! Aunt Zelda tells Dillon no one will trust him now that he is turning 30. Dillon questions why the fuck people think "standing out" means wearing a straight jacket. Like wtf?????

WOW what a way to cap off a freakin' SEASON.

My cousin Eric guest stars Uncle Floyd's mom visits him in a dream. Aunt Zelda breaks down what actually makes a relationship. Dillon dives into his recent love life...development... bringing the podcast season FULL CIRCLE. Eric confesses his love for the Australia Uluru.

My friend Allie guest stars. Uncle Floyd threatens Dillon with cement shoes. Aunt Zelda explains that Hannah Ann is a neutral choice. Allie reveals her theories on why Kelley was missing. Dillon begs to nominate Uncle Floyd for the show. We all wonder wtf the rules are for Listen to Your Heart.

This episode is sponsored by Carl Cloak's Coats.

My friend Shosh guest stars. Aunt Zelda admits she hated Uncle Floyd's temporary tattoo. Uncle Floyd tells Dillon about the perfect girl he found for him. Shosh reveals she would only date a virgin if they had been in a coma. Dillon won't stop bringing up that he was punched in the face. And we all respect fingers in the butt.

This episode is brought to you by Inconsistent Contact.

My friend Akmal guest stars. Aunt Zelda enlightens us about how "there's no such thing as too much coming." Uncle Floyd comes clean about the criticism he receives from Aunt Zelda. Akmal makes it clear that no one should ever make a list of things they like about him. Dillon mourns Kelley.

This podcast was brought to you by Love Compass.

My friend Rachel guest stars. Aunt Zelda learns what Flavor of Love is. Uncle Floyd tells us how he makes his Valentine's Day so special. Rachel admits she's here for the wrong reasons--to steal Uncle Floyd's limelight. Dillon...becomes a Doctor?

This episode was brought to you by Dillon, Heart Wraps by GoodFeel Inc., and I guess...Garros.

My friend Michael guest stars. Aunt Zelda is sick of people playing the victim. Dillon realizes he's more popular than toothpaste. Michael vehemently defends adults who love Disney. And we all miss Uncle Floyd.

This podcast is brought to you by Zombie Spray and Cleveland, OH.

My friend Michael guest stars. Aunt Zelda teaches us about Jewish Christmas. Uncle Floyd realizes he is the target audience for girls pillow fighting. Michael finally gets answers for his comedy sketch. Dillon finds out he is a hot crier. And we all agree that Kelly's got it all.

This podcast is sponsored by The Delta-Sky Mile High Club Rewards Club Membership Card and Linger-y

My friend Toni guest stars. Aunt Zelda snitches about my ratty little secret from when I was younger. Uncle Floyd reminisces about how his family used to tattle tell on Aunt Zelda before they were married. Toni compares love in San Francisco and New York. And Dillon blushes over Jordan Kimball sliding into his DMs during the show!!!!!!

This episode is brought to you by Tissues and ChampagneFiller.

Ya' boys is baaaaaaaaack! Aunt Zelda dives into how to deal with what happens during the break period if you and an ex get back together. Uncle Floyd admits that he's sleeping with a sponsor! I find out I should always tell my girlfriend I've paid full price for a gift. And we all wonder wtf Hannah B is still doing here!!!!

Sponsored by: Ex-Terminator

Aunt Zelda reveals the cornerstone of a relationship. Uncle Floyd refuses to let me forget where I first lived in New York City. Caroline admits being smelly is a dealbreaker. I get real about my struggles with communication in my relationship.

The podcast is sponsored by 55+ Communities and The One Cologne. 

My friend Jake guest stars (again!). Uncle Floyd tells me to grow TF up. Aunt Zelda admits her love and respect for Clay. Jake refuses to talk to us about Nicole, but damn do we try. I reveal that I once tasted chemicals for a living...which I guess explains a lot?

This episode is sponsored by Himalayan Yak Dog Chew, Steroids, and FlightsToBirmingham.net.

My Mom guest stars for my first Bachelor in Paradise episode. Aunt Zelda reveals she invited her ex to her wedding. Uncle Floyd brags about Aunt Zelda's shoe collection. My mom refuses to answer questions about "hooking up" in front of me. I realize Cam and 19 year old me are the same person and everything starts to click...

This podcast was sponsored by Blue Chew and Bobby Bad's Bad Breath Balls.

My brother Jordan guest stars. Aunt Zelda drops some knowledge on Hannah's transformation. Uncle Floyd thanks everyone for letting him into their bedroom (???!!!). Jordan explains why he thinks Hannah and Tyler will not make it. I explore my ego and if I'm "man enough" to put it aside. We all decide I'm the "Jed" of the family...WTF.

This episode is sponsored by Uncle Floyd's Fuck Room Glasses and High Heel-less High Heels.

My friend Maddie guest stars. Aunt Zelda breaks down becoming husband material, but someone disagrees... Uncle Floyd reveals his secret to having the most beautiful skin in New York City.  Maddie talks about being swoon by an erotic poem. I get a little heated about how manipulative Jed is being.  

This podcast is sponsored by Uncle Floyd's Mound Potions, Jobs, and Windmill Peter. 

You asked, we answered. Aunt Zelda and Me join the boys on this episode and tell all!!! Uncle Floyd airs his thoughts on Fantasy Suites and what they should really be called. I did some deep diving into my previous relationship... Aunt Zelda reveals her favorite guest thus far! And...lots, lots more.

This episode is sponsored by Floyd’s ED Meds, Just Doin’ Our Pest, and TommyTranslator.

My cousin Scott guest stars. Uncle Floyd is the sexiest man on the Upper West Side. Aunt Zelda reveals the secret to continuously finding your partner attractive. Scott breaks down why Jed is such a little fuck boy. I explain why I don't think I'll ever call my ex.

This episode was sponsored by Storytellers, Man Bans, Drool Tool, and fiancé and the fiancé.

My prom date Emily guest stars. Aunt Zelda admits that Pilot Pete's Mercedes is BETTER than Uncle Floyd's T-Tops. Uncle Floyd proves that he is a public speaker.  Emily refuses to be swooned by Paul McCartney...but is swooned by Labe. And I reveal the secret to my heart--Ice cream. We all discuss what it means to take someone's last name when you get married.

This episode was sponsored by Rob Thomas, AnyHome, STAIRS, and Planned Parenthood.

My friend Quintin guest stars. Aunt Zelda finds out what THOT mouth is. Uncle Floyd takes on racial inequality in New York City and on The Bachelorette. Quintin outs every gay man in Hollywood. I discover my one true destiny: to become a hand model. 

This podcast is sponsored by Alexatives, Grand Children for Aunt Zelda, Fake Limes, and Me.

Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd are BACK BABY! My girlfriend Julie guest stars. We all explore Cognitive Behavioral Therapy... Uncle Floyd talks about fate and why he's never on time. Aunt Zelda is becoming suspicious of Jed. Julie admits what "serenades" her. I've gained just a wee-bit of respect for Luke P. 

This episode is sponsored by Pancakes, Pedro's Anchovies, Angry Birds the Movie II, UNCLE FLOYD HUMAN MEGAPHONE, and a Sad Ad. 

My friend Margaret and Michael guest star. Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd are STILL on vacation! (Cool thanks, guys!) I reveal how my family is literally the cause of the end of humanity. Michael claims Conor S. made a "bitch" move. Margaret breaks down Hannah's autonomy over her own body. We all do this podcast for THE BOYS.

This episode is sponsored by Mike's Matcha, Pancakes, Stanley's Dick Cream, Ed Williamson the Pirate, and MF Panty Police.

My mom and dad guest star. Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND THIS WEEK as they are on vacation with their son and LEFT ME ALONE. My dad admits the first thing he ever said to my mom was a lie. My mom breaks down what she thinks the secret is to a relationship that stands the test of time. I find out Aunt Zelda is the only reason I exist. And we all talk straight trash to Luke P!

This episode is sponsored by Browser Buddy, PickPocket Pocket Protector, Red Apron, and The Cheese Cheese. 

My friend Marcus guest stars. Aunt Zelda TRASHES our sponsors. Uncle Floyd exposes WAYYYYY too much info about his sex life with Aunt Zelda. I push ABC to release the rugby tapes! Marcus kindly teaches Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd about edging...

This podcast is sponsored by WATER HOLDER, Soup Farmers of America, Poopify, Spirit Airlines, and Glue on Lips.

Welp...The title says it all...but in case it doesn't: My roommate Max guest stars. Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd breakdown Aunt Zelda's birthing process--and no one can censor Uncle Floyd. I talk about if Luke can ever bounce back from that conversation with Hannah. Max reveals he was a c-section baby and we DO NOT let him forget it.

This podcast is sponsored by Joann's Pizza, Fake Fun Facts, Your Mother's Tuna, Ed's Spicy Mayo, and Pornville.

My friend Aaron guest stars. Aunt Zelda puts the "urban" in "suburban." I confess my love for John Paul Jones and tell the origin of how I became a sock-sleeper. Aaron admits his love for Stephanie, and explains why eating fish from a toaster is a deal MAKER. UNCLFE FLOYD GOES MISSING?!?! 

This episode sponsored by Bob's Crab Shack, Exterminator's Exterminator, Jim Tucker LLC, Attorney Edward Solomon Esq, Pants Finder.

We're baaaaaaaaaack. Season 3, baby!!  Aunt Zelda and Me break down the ingredients of Greek...yogurt. Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd break down their open relationship and zippers that started it all. All of us dish out some great relationship advice.

My brothers Jordan and Ian guest star in this very family finale!! Aunt Zelda and Me round off the season pondering the qualifications of love. Uncle Floyd reveals his AZAM studio work policy and it's... well... Just listen. Jordan gets his redemption story. Ian somehow has only seen two episodes but KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW??? WTF. 

My friend Mick guest stars. Aunt Zelda explains what a fuck truck is... (Honestly, I probably don't need a description after that line, but...) Dillon tells why the Bachelor does NOT need fixing. Uncle Floyd describes his VERY WEIRD "acting career". Mick breaks down her stressful night on Project Runway. 

Too many teeth, thermometers, and Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd's RAUNCHY-ASS relationship. Aunt Zelda and Me Tell All in this very special episode as we answer your most pressing questions. Uncle Floyd, well, he tells all too.

My sister-in-law Jess guest stars. Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd reveal the secret to a long marriage--intimidation. Uncle Floyd speculates how Colton ACTUALLY chooses between the girls...and it's, well, weird. Jess reveals why her prom was so delicious. And I find out about the hierarchy of date nights...

Where the HELL was that fence jump? 

My second cousin once removed, Sarah-Beth, guest stars. Aunt Zelda tells us about her hot, steamy first kiss. Sarah-Beth reveals how her husband awkwardly asked for her dad's blessing. Uncle Floyd breaks down what Colton would do if he was a "man". And I dive into my WILD-ASS weekend and how it led to a terrible date.

My friend Michael guest stars. Aunt Zelda and Uncle Floyd reveal their deep love for Margaret. My Cousin Labe steps in to tell me about love. Michael reveals his loyalty to the Eagle Scouts. Honestly, today just gets freakin' crazy and stupid and I'm sorry.

Trigger Warning: In this last episode Caelynn tells her story of sexual assault. We discuss starting around 17:50, ending around 26:00. 

My friend Margaret guest stars. Aunt Zelda reveals she is a T-Top girl. Aunt Zelda and Me and Margaret and Uncle Floyd discuss Caelynn's moment. Uncle Floyd recruits Margaret to take resumes for the podcast.

Ooooo Papiii! Jake reveals he once asked out Nicole and promises to set her and I up. Aunt Zelda unapologetically calls people "Papi" and tells Uncle Floyd what they have is true love. Meanwhile, Uncle Floyd makes it clear these girls are H-O-T.

Cousin Bridge guest stars. Uncle Floyd basically directs the show. Aunt Zelda and Me and Cousin Bridge dive into our love languages and why I'm a coward who has a hard time telling girls when they’re beautiful.

So much goes down in this very family oriented episode. 

It's good to be back! Aunt Zelda and Me catch up on our lives since August. Aunt Zelda tells me how my new bad boy persona is bullshit and she liked when The Bachelor was "authentic".