Not Literary: An Unpretentious Story-Telling Show

Happy Thanksgiving! On this episode, I tell you a story about my first night working in The Belvedere Hotel in Baltimore. Did I learn Mafia crime secrets? Was everyone just fucking with me?! Do we solve an actual Unsolved Mystery?! Like, from THE TV SHOW?
At the afterparty, I'm joined by Stephanie, who also worked at the Belvedere, and our conversation goes off the rails! Severed legs! Haunted elevators! Murders! Ex-cons! Death poetry! And....omg the end is SICK!!
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season, and we don't accidentally make you toss your mashed potatoes! Warning! Yucky stories ahead! But also, it's really good, guys...

We're back for season 4 of the Not Literary Podcast! This time, instead of totally unpretentious Storytelling, we're doing totally unpretentious Meditations. These are meant to chill you out, make you smile and sometimes even make you laugh. After each meditation, we're joined by a special guest for an afterparty, complete with cocktails! Join us and de-stress, Not Literary Style.

Near-death experiences, Hasidic jerk offs, random legs falling from the sky, and so much more... it's New York City, baby! This month I'm joined by my friend Melissa, a long time New Yorker and we are telling lots of stories from NYC. I also read my story, 35 Cents, which is about a weird near-death experience in the city when I was a child. Shout out to Ink Babies Literary Magazine, where 35 Cents was originally published.

This month, I tell a tale about FREAKING OUT and then realizing that maybe, just maybe, things are actually okay. Or maybe even, pretty good? Seemed right for #thesetryingtimes. After the story is the after party with writer Garin Pirnia and then we open...Reggie's Bar! Never been to Reggie's? It's an online bar for days (and NYE's, apparently) where ya can't go out. Or for people who just like to drink in their sweat pants. Win! Win! Spoiler: I don't make it to midnight and yes, I take my top off. Are your ears horny, now?? Happy New Year!

There's no gentle way to put this. This week, I'm going to introduce you to a literal dog f*cker. Fasten your seatbelts this is going to be a disgusting ride. Afterward, I'm joined by Erin, the "Buxom Brunette" from Rebound, and we talk about all the important stuff, like pimps, taking shots and, uhh, cheese?

This week, we read Amateur Night, a story about New Years Eve and...well? Boogins. Afterwards I'm joined by my friend Slutty (Brittney) and my other friend Slutty(Carolyn) and we reminisce about pimps, bar fights and our boobs.

I tell the story of my first night working at Tumbleweeds, a country/hiphop nightclub with some very seedy clientele. For real tho, I had to pull a BABY out of the wet tshirt contest, y'all!! Afterwards I'm joined by none other than the famous Band-Aid Jenny Lane (ha) and we talk about band boys, bar scars and crashing weddings/pretending to be lost Midwesterners stuck at CMA fest. Xoxo Sapphire

This week I tell the story of the time my BFF and I sold sodas on the street dressed as Fantanas. With hobos. And then got chased by the cops. And so much more! Erna, or Svana from the story joins us at the afterparty and WE.GET.MESSY. Also, if you don't know about heisting the Buffalo Trace buffalo, now you know...

Ever been the victim of a micropenis? What about the victim of a good day drink? Today I tell the sad but funny story of --somehow--both. I'm joined at the afterparty by two women who are in the second part of the story, my friends "Melinda" and "Karlie." Let's talk about sex in....THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD??? Whaa?

This week, I tell the story of this hot hot HOT military guy that I boned in a conferwnce room, and I'm joined for The After Party by my friend Matthew, who tells us all about this really scary guy we like to call Vampire Eyes. It's all bad dates and awkward trysts! Enjoy!

I'm joined by Brent and Trey, the hosts of @getherepod and we listen to some albums. Also Auriane gets lost somewhere in outer space, but she promises to be back for storytelling next week.

Today I tell the tale of the one, but sadly, not the only Nashville Shitter. Afterwards I'm joined by Allie Jo Mo and we talk poop stories, reveal a few bar scars and there's even a butt naked homeless woman mixed in there for ya. This is the Season 1 finale, but Not Literary will be back with a Season 2 where we're telling stories from Auriane's first book, Rebound.

This week is short and sweet, just a little quickie about club drugs and accidentally assaulting my old, perv boyfriend. Just another Sunday morning, amirite?! We will be back in full force next week for the season 1 finale, complete with a boozy afterparty and VERY special guest! Brace yourselves for...THE TALE OF THE NASHVILLE SHITTER!

Music! Drugs! Weirdly baggy pants and butterfly hair clips! Let's take a trip back in time to the late 90s / early 2000s... I'm joined by a very special guest and we talk a lot about druggggggs babaaay! Also music. Fashion. Raves. General Fu*kery. This version of the episode is music free. If you're interested in listening to the music version you can open Spotify and listen to it there. Enjoy!

This is the story of the worst date I've ever been on in my entire life. At the after party, I'm joined by my friend Allison, who is the only person I know that's been on worse dates than I have. She has some real horror stories for you! Get ready for unsolicited dick pics, a butt guy with trypophobia, Yogi's on ecstasy and much, much more. Oh, and Auriane makes her debut...AS A RAPPER. This is the music-free version of Not Literary, and is available on all major streaming services. To hear the music, check us out on Spotify. 💕

This is the story of the absolute worst date I've ever been on in my entire life. Afterwards, I'm joined by the only woman I know who's been on more bad dates than I have, Allison who skypes in all the way from Laos. Get ready for unsolicited dick pics, butt guys with Trypophobia, Tindering in Mexico, and Auriane makes her debut as a...RAPPER.

Music! Drugs! Weirdly baggy pants and butterfly hair clips! Let's take a trip back in time to the late 90s/ early 2000s... I'm joined by a very special guest and we talk a lot about drugggggs, babaaaay. Also. Music. Fashion. Raves. General fuc*ery.

Of course an episode about Jason would run long into the night... In this special episode Joe and I get drunk and wax poetic for almost another hour. ⚠️ There was a lot of wine...

This week I tell two of the more sentimental stories from Not Literary, about my good friend Jason who passed away in 2020. I then have a lengthy after party with my friend Joe where I drink way too much wine and we talk about everything from pooping to Jeffrey Epstein. I actually had to cut the after party in half, so there is a bonus episode this week if you want to hear Joe and I get really into it. Xoxo!!!

In today's story, we meet the World's Fattest Man. This story takes place in Chicago, where George Chapman will do anything to get his mitts on another Big Mac. Afterwards, my special guest Matt tells a few harrowing tales about an awkward elevator encounter and a shaved cat. Oh, and everyone hates John Mayer.

A quickie story about buying my bike from tweakers, my first week living in Long Beach. This one is solo and isn't in the book. I'll be back next weekend with the story of The Fattest Man Alive and a surprise guest!

This is a quickie story from my Baltimore years. My friend Sarah joins me (we're in Mexico this week!) to discuss our time living in Baltimore--specifically the time she kidnapped a live crab. Also we talk about Gwen Stefani's cultural appropriation, the death of DMX and the gender bending happenings at the late, great Grand Central Station.

A trip to Nogales, Mexico gone wrong...or right, depending on your opinion. Spoiler alert! Everybody ends up butt naked...