Be The Adult Podcast
By Be The Adult
Be The Adult PodcastJan 06, 2020
Season3 Episode 6 Dave Jones Sports Psychology Coach and Author discusses parenting your young athlete or performer.
MTT Parents True Listening vs Hearing.pd
true listening vs. hearing
What is True Listening?
What is true listening? Dr. James Jones suggests that true listening is not advice, counsel, or trying to solve problems. Listening is just hearing what your troubled teen athlete has to say. Parents often respond to a teen with comments that are judgmental, advisory, or are non-accepting in some way. These responses “close” or shut down the conversation and do not promote further dialogue. Closed responses also “discount” the other person.
Open responses are a much more productive method of communicating with a concerned or defiant teenager. These responses are nonjudgmental, and have no suggestions or solutions. The response is one of simply accepting what is being said. These responses reflect both the content and the feelings the child is projecting to you as the parent.
The book “Let’s Fix the Kids” by Dr. James Jones gives an example of closed parent response and an example of open parent response. See the examples below:
Closed Parent Response:
Teenager: “My science teacher gave me a “C” on that science project. I can’t believe it!” Parent: 1. “I told you to type it but you won’t ever listen, will you?”
2. “Don’t complain; we get what we deserve.”
3. “Teachers aren’t unfair; what did you mess up this time?”
These are called “closed responses” because they effectively close down communication between a parent and struggling teenager. They are usually “put downs” in the form of giving advice or criticism.
Open Parent Responses:
Teenager: “I can’t believe Mr. Green gave me a “C” on my science project after I spent weeks on the stupid thing.”
Parent: “It sounds to me like you’re very disappointed (feelings) only getting a “C” after doing that much work. (content)”
Teenager: “Besides that, he gave Don an “A” because he did the project Mr. Green suggested.”
Parent: “Have I got this right? You feel angry (feelings) because Mr. Green is being unfair. (content)”
Teenager: “You’d better believe it! Anyway I learned a lot from my project; it really was hard!”
Parent: “Then in spite of the disappointing (feelings) grade, are you glad (feelings) you stuck to your more difficult project? (content)” Teenager: “Yeah! I guess I am, but I thought I was going to get an “A” for sure. Hey... what is there to eat?”
LISTEN!
* When a concerned or troubled teen asks you to listen to them and you start giving advice, you have not done what they asked. * When a struggling teen asks you to listen to him and you begin to tell him why he shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling
on his or her feelings.
* When a concerned, troubled, or defiant teen asks you to listen to them and you feel you have to do something to solve his or
her problem, you have failed them, strange as that may seem.
* Listen! Your teenager asked you to only listen, not talk or do, just hear him.
* Advice is cheap; you can get both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
* Your teen can act for himself. He is not helpless. Maybe discouraged and frustrated, but not helpless.
* When you do something for your teen that he can do for himself, you contribute to his fear and weakness.
* But, when you accept as a simple fact that your teenager does feel what he or she feels, no matter how irrational, then you
can quit trying to convince them and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling. And when
that’s clear, the answers are obvious and they won’t need advice.
* So, please listen and just hear your struggling teenager. And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and he or she
will listen to you.
Mental Toughness Training © 2020
true listening vs. hearing
Listening vs. Hearing
Do you think there is a difference between hearing and listening? You are right, there is! Hearing is simply the act of perceiving
BETHEADULT Season 3 Episode 5 Laura Reagan LCSW-C CDWF
In this episode Nancy sits down with trauma expert Laura Reagan for an interesting and informative discussion on how important it is to be the adult for your child especially when there has been trauma.
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C is an integrative trauma therapist in the greater Baltimore area. She owns a group practice, The Baltimore Annapolis Center for Integrative Healing, where she offers therapy, clinical supervision and consultation. She’s also the host of Therapy Chat Podcast, a popular interview-based show focused on trauma, relationships, self-compassion, creativity and more; and Trauma Chat, a limited podcast where Laura shares bite-sized information about trauma in short episodes intended for the general public. Laura founded the Trauma Therapist Network, a platform dedicated to teaching people that trauma is real, healing is possible and help is available. Laura’s website is: www.traumatherapistnetwork.com.
BETHEADULT Season3 Episode4 :A Conversation with Chris Sasser Family Ministry Pastor and Author of Bags-Helping Your Kids Lighten the Load
Nancy and Chris Sasser discuss baggage and how it relates to being the adult for our children.
Chris Sasser (a.k.a. “Sass”) is the Pastor of Family Ministries at Port City Community Church in Wilmington, NC. He has served in full-time ministry since 1993, working with children’s, middle school, high school, college, and parent ministries. He has a passion for equipping and encouraging parents and leaders to help the next generation walk with God. Chris shares thoughts and ideas at www.equipandencourage.com and loves to share with students, leaders, and parents. Chris is married to Karin and they have two children, CJ and Kylie. Chris is a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill and has done some graduate work at Fuller Theological Seminary and Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary.
Please see the following links for further information:
https://thebagsbook.com
https://www.equipandencourage.com
Marianne Williamson, best selling author, political activist and spiritual thought leader shares her wisdom of how we can parent to best address "The Crisis of American Adulthood".
Marianne Williamson is a bestselling author, political activist and spiritual thought leader.
For over three decades Marianne has been a leader in spiritual and religiously progressive circles. She is the author of 14 books, four of which have been #1 New York Times best sellers. A quote from the mega best seller A Return to Love, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..." is considered an anthem for a contemporary generation of seekers.
Williamson founded Project Angel Food, a non-profit that has delivered more than 14 million meals to ill and dying homebound patients since 1989. The group was created to help people suffering from the ravages of HIV/AIDS. She has also worked throughout her career on poverty, anti-hunger and racial reconciliation issues. In 2004, she co-founded The Peace Alliance and supports the creation of a U.S. Department of Peace. She ran for the Democratic nomination for president in 2020, and in 2021 she launched MarianneWilliamson.Substack.com.
For more information on the children's book Emma and Mommy talk to God:
https://books.google.com/books/about/Emma_and_Mommy_Talk_to_God.html?id=1112-46rsssC
BTA-Season3 Episode 2- Psychotherapist/Author Tina Gilbertson
Join us as Psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them and Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child and host of The Reconnection Club Podcast provides expert adulting guidance!
BTA - Season 3 Episode 1 - Dr. Ann Kelley (Therapist Uncensored)
Dr. Ann Kelley, licensed psychologist, and co-host of the top-rated podcast Therapist Uncensored shares her insightful perspective about
what it means to Be The Adult, and offers concrete guidance for successful parenting.
BTA - Season 2 - Episode 13 - Live As Your Best Self
Dr. Art Frankel joins Marisol and Nancy to discuss both the importance and the challenges of living as our best selves.
BTA - Season 2 - Episode 12 - Make Time For Me
BTA - Season 2 - Episode - 11 - Earn My Trust
Listen to Kari Papagikos, LCSW-A, Certified Synergetic Play Therapist, teach us how to create a trusting relationship with our kids.
BTA -Season 2 Episode 10 - Guide Me
Join Marisol and Nancy as they discuss fostering our children’s creativity with the Executive Director of Superstar Academy, Zach Hanner, a talented actor, writer, director, and musician, wow!
BTA - Season 2 - Episode 9 - Believe In Me
A heartwarming and inspirational story of a dad showing his shining support for his son. Listen to Greg Long share what motivated him to create Dance On, a nationally renowned nonprofit that supports male dance and anti-bullying efforts!
BTA - Season 2 Episode 8 - Encourage My Independence
Join Marisol and Nancy as they focus on the importance of emotional self-regulation by continuing their conversation with CREM trainers Lauren Clark and Jesse Hardin.
BTA - Season 2 Episode 7 - Accountability and Structure
Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of accountability and creating structure for our children with Carolina Beach Elementary School Principal, Deanna Leake, N.B.C.T.
BTA - Season 2 Episode 6 - Be Kind
Do you want to learn to create kinder and more peaceful relationships? Join Marisol and Nancy as they discuss resiliency skills with certified Community Resiliency Model trainers Lauren Clark, MSW, CCM, and Jessie Hardin, MA, PCMH-CCE.
BTA Season 2 - Episode 5 - Praise Me and My Efforts
All of us could use a little more praise right now! Megan Demolina, M.Ed, a seasoned middle school counselor, joins Marisol and Nancy to discuss the value of praise and how to do it authentically.
BTA - Season 2 Episode - 4 Accept Me For Who I Am
Marisol and Nancy welcome therapist Shelley Chambers, MSW, LCSW to discuss the crucial topic of learning how to accept and celebrate our children’s own unique individuality.
BTA - Season 2 Episode 3 - Listen to Me
Marisol and Nancy welcome Dr. Art Frankel, Ph.D., Social Work Professor at UNCW and author of 4 books and 40 publications related to mental health and families as he shares his wisdom about truly listening to our children.
BTA - Season 2 Episode 2 -Behave Gently
Join Mebane Boyd, LCSW, The Director of The New Hanover County Resiliency Task Force as she discusses the pervasiveness of trauma and how it can affect our own parenting and our communities.
BTA - Season 2 Episode 1 - Stay Calm
Exploring How to Stay Calm:
Rev. Dr. Megan "Magpie" Rose, PharmD, B.Msc., RYT200 discusses how to stay calm with Nancy and Marisol, and leads us through a beautiful guided meditation we can all practice daily.
BTA - Season 2 Intro
Introduction to the “New” Season Two:
Welcome to the “new” Season two! Tune in and hear Nancy and Marisol discuss their decision to circle back and lean in on a deeper level to the BTA book’s 15 parenting concepts.
BTA Episode 15 - Season 1 Finale
Marisol and Nancy review the 15 concepts for calm and effective parenting that they discussed in detail throughout season 1.
They also share their excitement for a successful first season and look forward to beginning season 2 in August.
BTA Episode 14 - Live As Your Best Self
Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of living your best life for your children.
BTA Episode 13 - Believe in Me & Love Me
Marisol and Nancy discuss believing in your child and loving them.
BTA Episode 12 -Apologize To Me
Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of apologizing.
BTA Episode 11 - Earn My Trust
Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of earning your child's trust.
BTA Episode 10 - Guide Me
Marisol and Nancy discuss the concept - Guide Me.
BTA Episode 9 - Encourage Me & Make Time For Me
Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of encouraging and making time for our children.
BTA Episode 8 - Create Structure & Hold Me Accountable
Marisol and Nancy discuss creating structure and holding each other accountable.
BTA Episode 7- Praise Me & My Efforts
Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of praising a child's effort.
BTA Episode 6 - Accept Me For Who I Am
Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of accepting children for who they are as individuals.
BTA Episode 5 - Listen To Me
On Episode 5, Marisol and Nancy discuss why it's important to listen to your child.
Be The Adult is a nonprofit organization that provides blueprints for calm and effective parenting so that children can grow into their best selves.
Please share and subscribe and visit our website for more information www.betheadult.org
BTA Episode 4 - Speak Kindly
On Episode 4, Marisol and Nancy discuss why it's important to speak kindly to our children and ourselves.
Be The Adult is a nonprofit organization that provides blueprints for calm and effective parenting so that children can grow into their best selves.
Please share and subscribe and visit our website for more information www.betheadult.org
BTA Episode 3 - Behave Gently
On Episode 3, Marisol and Nancy discuss why it's important to treat our children gently and how to do it because harsh hands hurt their body and their soul.
Be The Adult is a nonprofit organization that provides blueprints for calm and effective parenting so that children can grow into their best selves.
Please share and subscribe and visit our website for more information www.betheadult.
BTA Episode 2 - Stay Calm
On Episode 2, Marisol and Nancy discuss the importance of staying calm and share some beginning "how to" tools.
Be The Adult is a nonprofit organization that provides blueprints for calm and effective parenting so that children can grow into their best selves.
Please share and subscribe and visit our website for more information www.betheadult.
BTA Episode 1 - What's Be The Adult?
Be the Adult is a nonprofit organization that provides blueprints for calm and effective parenting so that children can grow into their best selves.
Because ultimately, we aren’t raising children; we are raising little people who will one day be adults.
Please share and subscribe and visit our website www.betheadult.org