Becoming Enough: Empowering Black Sheep to Remember Their Worth

Face the Stillness is a 5-week, 1:1 coaching program to guide you through the fears, feelings, and beliefs you've been avoiding.

As Black Sheep and survivors of trauma, we can hold onto the need to escape. Running away has come easy to me because of my past, but I've never been able to run fast enough to escape my demons.

I know how hard it is to face those inner voices. I know how much your life is arranged around avoiding them.

The constant music and shows and podcasts (lol) in your ear, the ridiculously-busy schedule, the partying, the effort you put into making sure you're alone or in a silent space truly creeps up on you.

Soon enough it's been weeks, months, or even years since you've slowed down long enough to hear your thoughts or feel your feelings.

Let's talk about HYPERINDEPENDENCE!

Hyperindependence is a survival mechanism for many black sheep. But as we age, it becomes a form of self-sabotage.

Your sensitive inner child had to fight for control and learn to survive around people they didn't trust. They had to learn how to rely on themselves - and only themselves - for almost everything.

As we get older and escape our troubled homes, we realize that chosen family and community is a new method of survival. But this contradicts almost everything we've learned in our past.

This episode dives into hyperindependence, where it stems from, how to recognize it, and how to heal from your wound of isolation and hyperindependence.

If you enjoyed the episode, don't forget to leave a review!

(Approximate) Timestamps:

1:00 - 12:30 What childhood experiences create hyperindependence?

12:30 - 22:00 How hyperindependence becomes a pattern in adulthood

22:00 - 32:00 Qualities of someone with hyperindependence

32:00 - 36:30 Hyperindependence in my relationship

36:30 - 52:43 Actionable steps to heal from your hyperindependence

About Becoming Enough:

The Becoming Enough podcast teaches you how to liberate yourself from your limiting beliefs and worthiness wounds. 

You’ll find discussions that validate your internal experience as a black sheep and dive deep into the journey of self-actualization and sovereignty. 

Roshni, your host, wholeheartedly believes that high self-worth is your ticket to true liberation. If you want to regain your power, this podcast is for you.

Welcome to this guest episode with Dominiece Clifton!

In this episode, Dominiece and I discuss:

• How your intuition and nervous system go hand-in-hand in guiding us towards our alignment and manifestations - and how that often comes with feeling a deep sense of fear. 
• How a feeling of uneasiness or difficulty doesn’t meant that you’re not “healed enough,” it can actually be a sign that you’re challenging yourself and growing in a really beautiful way, and how
• Working on your nervous system allows you to move past the fear and ‘negative’ emotions to commit to the bigger plan of your life.

Dominiece shared so many wonderful nuggets of wisdom with us in this episode, and I hope you're able to take away as much knowledge and inspiration as I did!

About Dominiece:

Dominiece Clifton is on a mission to guide others to find healing and to re-writing their narratives.  A student of the school of life, she is always learning, evolving, and shedding layers.  Dominiece is a spiritual guide and healing vessel, passionate about inspiring women to live heart-led lives.  As a yoga, meditation, and breathwork facilitator, she promotes an integrated approach to healing that prioritizes emotional well-being for the mind, body, and spirit. Today, Dominiece is the founder of Move And Still, Nourish Wellness Collective, host of The School of Healing Podcast, and author of Hold Space to Heal.

I am so excited for this episode because I brought my partner on the pod for the first time!

In this episode we talked about relationship myths, why so much of what we're taught about relationships in media is fake, and how navigating a real, loving relationship will always get messy.

Because I researched common relationship myths in society, many of these myths do touch on hetero stereotypes, but much of the advice we shared can be applied to LGBTQ+ relationships as well!

We touched on:

• navigating hyper-independence as a black sheep and why you should feel comfortable needing your partner,
• being co-dependent vs. being dependent on your partner in a healthy way,
• the myth that if you're in a long-term relationship and you're not married, that you're not a "real" or valid relationship,
• why it's important to understand and value your partner's mental health overall and validate their mental health struggles,
• taking accountability in relationships, and
• how believing "men are trash" can be a tricky belief when you're actively dating and looking for a male partner.

YOUR BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING IS KEEPING YOU STAGNANT!

Feeling like you won't date someone unless they're perfect, or that you'll get fired for making a single mistake at work, or that your friends hate you because they didn't show up in the way you expected are all examples of black-and-white thinking.

This frame of mind holds you back from SO much in your life because you're projecting past experiences on future ones, and the projections are SO extreme (all-or-nothing) that you give up on your desires altogether.

But this is NOT what we do around here!! Black Sheep have big goals, and we're only going to reach them if we leave the black-and-white thinking in the past.

In this episode, I'm recapping how the 'ugliest' parts of my year resulted in the highest self-worth I've ever had. I break down my year into three, tangible changes I made and share why self-worth has absolutely nothing to do with your external reality.

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**Reminder** My coaching calendar is closing on June 15th! If you'd like to book a session with me, please do so before then!

Have you ever attended a free workshop, only to discover it was just a sales pitch in disguise? Or worse, signed up for an expensive coaching program with high expectations, but ended up feeling disappointed? I've been there, and in this season finale, I'm opening up about my frustrations with the coaching industry and the need for honesty and transparency.

Navigating the spiritual coaching industry can be tricky, both as a practitioner and a client. In this episode, I share my experiences of feeling taken advantage of and discuss how to approach this industry with respect and trust. We also delve into the importance of managing expectations, trusting yourself, and not putting too much pressure on others in the spiritual community.

In this episode, I discuss all of the red flags I find in the coaching industry, including:

• exploiting clients' insecurities as a marketing tactic,
• creating urgency around healing just for a program launch,
• facing self-doubt because I didn't have "10k months in 1 year" (if you know, you know),
• pivoting coaching ideologies to what is currently trending,
• clients demanding spiritual practices for free,
• and of course, white womxn repackaging sacred, cultural wisdom for high-ticket offerings.

There's so much to unpack in the coaching industry, especially as it continues to grow more saturated (and maybe in some cases, more diluted?)

Thank you for joining me for another episode, and be sure to check out my links below so we can stay in touch until Season 3!

LINKS:

Phew! The vulnerability hangover is real in this one, y'all!

In this episode, I talk about:

• burnout as a spiritual practitioner,
• feeling like you have to achieve success to be worthy of love,
• putting an obstacle between me and my self-worth,
• what happens in between surviving and thriving,
• and how letting it all burn down is sometimes the only way to move forward.

I have been on a journey of facing my deepest fears, and it's been completely liberating. It feels like so much is falling apart, yet despite the fear and anxiety, I still feel more free than I have in a long time. In this process, I've also learned that freedom doesn't always feel good. Sometimes, it just feels like free falling.

I hope you enjoy this episode, and that it gives you an extra boost of courage to walk away from anything that's bringing you down.

As I mentioned in the episode, I will no longer be accepting self-worth coaching sessions past June 15, 2023. That time is coming up, so if you've been thinking about a session, make sure you sign up below as soon as possible!

LINKS

Relationships are mirrors of self-reflection. But relationships will never - nor do they have to - be perfect.

In this episode, we’re exploring:

• What it means to have a good-enough relationship,
• The difference between expectations and standards with a partner,
• How to hold high self-worth within a relationship,
• And how expecting conflict within a relationship is key to thriving together.

*(I also touch on Love is Blind episodes 1-4 with Jackie’s storyline specifically. There aren’t many details, but in case you want to avoid spoilers, skip from 11:45 - 12:50 minutes!)*

For black sheep AND South-Asian women, relationships can be scary and intimidating.

As black sheep, your experience of relationships is likely not one you want to repeat. And for many South-Asian womxn, our value in society is only seen through the lens of maintaining a relationship and family.

These complicated dynamics make relationships a source of anxiety and an area where we often struggle to trust our inner knowing.

My goal with this episode is to give you a soft place to land and nourish your growth. You’re doing better than you think. 💜

LINKS

This week I'm trying something different with a shorter episode! If you're listening on Spotify, I've included a poll for you to vote on longer vs. shorter episodes! 

This episode is focused on how to pull yourself out of a comparison spiral. In the age of social media, it's impossible not to compare your life journey and timeline to others'. But that doesn't mean it's not damaging! 

I'll walk you through:

• regulating your nervous system to help you out of flight-or-flight mode,
• regaining your personal power after a comparison spiral,
• journaling about what you can learn from your comparison envy, and
• how to start recovering your self-worth after a bout with comparison.

I hope you enjoy the episode! Check below for links on how to find more content and to book a self-worth coaching session!

**Please share any feedback about the podcast, your opinion on shorter episodes, or reach me regarding a payment plan / sliding scale for payments at hello@betigrewup.com!

LINKS:

In August of 2022, I was diagnosed with CPTSD. This diagnosis, though heartbreaking in some ways, was ultimately a blessing. It helped me learn so much more about myself and my reactions and to be honest, it helped me see my coping mechanisms and sensitivities with a heightened sense of legitimacy.

In this episode, I share:

• the symptoms of PTSD, the difference between PTSD and CPTSD, and some information from recent CPTSD studies,
• actions I've taken to cope with my diagnosis,
• and how I've modified my life to support this neurodivergence and minimize triggers, including cycle-tracking, self-parenting, redefining healthy productivity, and creating boundaries around what I consume.

If you're also neurodivergent or have PTSD/CPTSD, this episode may help you feel less alone and maybe even inspires you to find new ways that support your journey of self-understanding and growth.

As always, if you'd like to book a self-worth coaching session or tarot reading, visit the links below!

LINKS:

I didn't realize how many ups and downs I really went through on my journey to moving out of my parents' home and creating a home of my own. 

This story spans multiple years, and covers some of the strangest things that have happened in my life: I landed a job through a fake Craigslist scam, worked at another job supervising felons, dealt with substance abuse issues, and was consistently overdrafting on my bank account - all while I was still in college.

Everything was so uncertain during this time in my life, and I constantly feared 'losing it all' and having to return home with my tail between my legs.

As we know in South-Asian homes, moving out isn't always cut and dry. This is my story of my late teens and my early adulthood (or part of it, at least) and I hope that it inspires you to choose yourself and your healing journey. 

LINKS:

I am SO excited about this solo episode!

As much as my podcast episodes cover general information about self-worth and how it affects you, I wanted to get more nitty-gritty and explain HOW to actually start doing the work.

I developed an accessible, step-by-step process so you can start to shift your mindset at your own pace. I also created a companion workbook that you can print or download to accompany this podcast! Throughout the episode, I break down each part of the workbook and how it helps you heal your worthiness wounds. The best part of this workbook is that you can return to it time and time again to check in with your mindset and feel less stuck.

Your self-worth journey will take you on waves of adding more of what you love into your life and then purging all that no longer belongs. These waves help you shift into your authentic self while releasing parts of the life you built when you felt unworthy. This episode focuses on how to actually do the work of shifting your mindset from feeling overwhelmed and unworthy to feeling good enough to focus on the next step forward (even if it’s imperfect.)

Welcome to a new guest episode!

I'm joined by Anna (she/her, @annawithintention) to talk about human design and how it can inform and validate your experience as a black sheep.

We discussed how:

1. understanding your human design and your family's design type can share insight into your family dynamics,

2. human design serves as a lens from which to better understand your authentic self,

3. you can use your human design chart to set boundaries that work for you, and

4. tarot serves as a tool for intimate self-reflection. 

Connect with Anna's work at the links below!

Anna's Links:

Welcome to a brand new episode, season, and podcast name!

The Is It Worth It? Podcast has rebranded to 'Becoming Enough' and I'm so excited to be back with more content you love!

In honor of launching season two on Halloween, I'm sharing the 6 worst fears I've encountered on my self-worth journey.

You'll hear me chat about the fear of:

1. Admitting how much my childhood damaged me,

2. Releasing my identity of being an overachiever/perfectionist,

3. Giving up my hyper-independence,

4. Releasing relationship anxiety,

5. Both failure and success (especially in business), and

6. Being behind in life.

Your self-worth journey will take you on waves of adding more of what you love into your life and then purging all that no longer belongs. These waves help you shift into your authentic self while releasing parts of the life you built when you felt unworthy. This episode focuses on what I had to let go of to get closer to my authentic self and how that allowed me to start believing in my worth more than ever before.

LINKS:

Work With Me:

In this solo episode, I discuss how you can learn to rewrite your previous negative experiences with communication.

Whether you identify as a black sheep or a South-Asian person who struggles to communicate with your family, your previous experiences have taught you that communication and expressing your genuine emotions is unsafe.

In Self-Worth & Communication in Relationships, I cover:

• why it's worth it to learn how to be vulnerable and communicate openly,
• how to be your own safe place when it comes to shielding yourself from guilt and shame,
• how to process heavy and uncomfortable emotions, especially anger and rage,
• and how setting and enforcing boundaries creates an external world that reflects your high sense of self-worth.

Being able to communicate freely and openly allows you to be more confident, take more risks, and ultimately, love and trust yourself more deeply. Love is an action. Communicating and advocating for yourself is how you can show yourself that love.

Links to work with me and find more content:

I felt called to record a full-length tarot reading for all the black sheep on Mother's Day. This holiday can definitely be triggering and we're swept under the rug. This is a time of year where we get told that our opinions are invalid and that we should 'get over the past' or 'overcome our feelings' in order to make our families (or even outsiders) happy. But this is a safe space for black sheep and there's no invalidating happening here. I hope you remember how special and loved you are. I hope you know how strong you have had to be. And I hope this inspires you to celebrate yourself.

Welcome to a new solo episode!

This week we're talking about the Black Sheep Experience! I covered real psychological and sociological studies that have been done on those who identify as the black sheep of the family and the role that plays in our lives as teens and adults.

• I also discussed how your parents' actions contribute to distrust of others in your adult life,
• the impact that being a black sheep has on your mental health,
• why we as black sheep tend to feel unloved and unworthy,
• how we can embrace our journies as the black sheep and find joy and self-love through our experiences!

Welcome to another solo episode! 

As we're nearing the end of the year, I wanted to share the ups and downs I've faced on my personal journey, including:

• opening up about being nonbinary for the first time online,
• facing more rejection in 2021 than I ever have before,
• learning how to stop sabotaging my own success,
• releasing the labels I've put on myself and embracing my fluidity,
• unearthing mother wounds around receiving love, attention, and money, and
• why I stopped journaling and the effect that's had on my personal growth journey.

As always I got super vulnerable in this episode and I hope you enjoy it!

Welcome back to this lovely guest episode featuring Natasha Khawja from @PurposeandChai!

In this episode, we shared:

• our experiences breaking generational cycles from South-Asian culture
• how our relationships have played a part in our healing journies
• how guilt & shame used in South-Asian culture held us back and how we've grown through those setbacks
• our stories of pursuing creative paths that are often looked down upon in South-Asian families

Follow Natasha:

This is THE most vulnerable episode I've ever shared, and it's all about money! 💸 

I open up about my financial history, how things have changed in the last two years, and most importantly - why it's VITAL to choose faith over fear (especially as an entrepreneur.)

To celebrate my birthday I created a podcast episode of multiple lessons that I've learned over the last year!

These lessons will show you how unworthiness still creeps into every area of our lives - and how to take a step back and make sure it doesn't block your future blessings.

I talked about

• how to stop gaslighting yourself and start trusting your intuition,
• why taking risks can be an incredible way of co-creating with the Universe,
• flipping the script on manifesting being "just for rich white girls,"
• why BIPOC face extra struggles when it comes to distancing themselves from toxic family members, and 
• how life gets messy for everyone - and why we shouldn't try to change that

You're going to *love* this episode!

Links

Welcome back to another episode!

Today's episode is extra special because a listener DM'd me a question about how to heal your self-worth after getting out of a (not so great) relationship, and it gave me a chance to get a little more specific than other episodes.

I share how to:

• identify your limiting beliefs about relationships
• transform your limiting beliefs into beliefs that excite & inspire you
• why setting boundaries doesn't always work, and what to do about it
• why trying to control things always backfires, and 
• how to heal and create a sense of safety all on your own

TW: We discuss body image and weight in this episode, so if that's a sensitive topic for you please feel free to skip this episode!

Welcome back! This week I'm chatting with Abha from Health Has No Finishline. Abha is a pediatrician, health coach, and owner of Health Has No Finishline. We discussed the effect body image and the mainstream health industry can have on your self-worth and how to start rebuilding that relationship. I hope you enjoy it!

Abha's Links:

In this episode, I'm interviewing Neelam Patel (she/her), an artist based in Washington D.C. 

This week I'm switching it up and focusing on self-trust (especially in South-Asian society).

So many South-Asian womxn are taught to second-guess themselves. This is taught to us for years and it's not long before it gets internalize and becomes the foundation for our inner critic.

As you get older and have to do more for yourself, it becomes unbearable to navigate the guilt and expectations from your family while balancing what you KNOW you need to do for yourself.

WORK WITH ME

I am SO excited for this week’s podcast because I’m bringing you inside a 1:1 tarot + self-worth coaching call!!