Beyond The High Road of Parental Alienation

The dreaded deed of forgiveness: the original ”F” word, to an alienated parent.  

In this episode, Shelby shares insights on the pivotal role of forgiveness in healing from  the pain parental alienation.  She discusses the efficacy of family systems therapy over reunification therapy, drawing from advice received from a former attorney. The episode delves into the complexities of forgiveness, including Shelby's personal journey and struggles with forgiving those involved in alienating her from her child. She emphasizes that forgiveness is not about condoning others' actions but about freeing oneself from anger and resentment. Shelby talks about the importance of recognizing the humanity in those who have hurt us and understanding their actions to move towards forgiveness. She also touches upon the concept of resentment being closely linked to envy, rather than anger. The episode guides listeners on a path to healing, advocating for acknowledging and releasing resentment to reclaim one's life and break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

The two articles referenced:

I remember the first time I heard about reunification therapy... I thought, "OMG, FINALLY! There is a reasonable action to counter to all the damage that has been done! " . I was thrilled by the notion that maybe, just maybe, my case would begin to turn around.

After a little research (and a lot of legwork), I was able to have a judge order the therapy for my daughter and me. I was sure that this would be the answer to my prayers. A few sessions, and we'd be right back to snugging on the couch watching movies before bedtime.

Or so I thought...

In this episode:

1. debunking the common perception that reunification therapy is a scam
2. varying success rates due to numerous factors outside the control of the targeted parent and/or the therapist.
3. the importance of managing expectations,
4. the inability to influence the actions of the alienating parent
5. the critical role of self-awareness and empowerment in navigating the difficult journey of re-establishing connections with alienated children.

Do you feel chained to the painful memories of your custody situation? Like youre obligated to tell and re-tell the same old stories about the same old incidents in order to make sense of WHY this has all happened?  

Even if you made a deciosjojn to drop it and move on, do you find yourself feeling blocked or stuck as a result of the power your ex holds over your life? 

I did.  I was TERRIFIED of becoming a “has-been” parent.  So, I held on to the torturous narrative in effort to excuse myself from being alienated, and oddly, because I felt that without the story, I wouldn’t have a purpose… that I would be letting go of the last hint of connection I had with my daughter.  Somehow I thought the pain would keep her memory close… But I would ALWAYS end up feeling MORE alienated as a result.  

It became an automatic response.  I would cry or get angry on cue (I wasn’t doing it intentionally… consciously… it just became my norm…)  

In this episode:

1. Why we hold onto the pain
2. Pain causing thoughts
3. Connection causing thoughts
4. What makes an active parent?
5. Does the pain of alienation rob you of the ability to love?
6. How to change the narrative

Do You Self-Erase?

I believe that the people and experiences we attract into our lives are a direct reflection of how we think & feel about ourselves on the inside… We can only connect with the same level of energy that we are putting out… you know?  

Continuing on from last week, I truly believe that.. due to our individual histories, we already learned to be comfortable with denying ourselves the right to be loved.. that bc of our pasts, we learned the coping skill of hiding our true selves away.  As such, it’s rare that we allow other people to actually experience who we are.  

As alienated parents, we’ve been denying ourselves for so long, sometimes it feels impossible to get back in touch with who we are and what we want… Our identities were tied up in parenthood.  So when our children aren’t home as often (or maybe not at all), we feel lost.  We become self-erased…self-isolated …. and to top that off, the other parent is trying to erase us too.

In this episode, Ill share with you my thoughts on why we do this, as well as my own theories… Shelby “isms” .. and of course, what you can do to get back to yourself & overcome the habit to self-erase!  

Ever notice that, when caught in the clutches of a stressful moment, how you freak out and do exactly the opposite of:

1. what you really want to do
2. what is in your best interest, and/or
3. what supports your goals and dreams?

Like, in the moment, you know what you want longterm, but you just can't seem to stop yourself from choosing the unhealthy option, even tho you know its ultimately going to harm you?  

Or maybe you don't know what you want longterm... Maybe you're like me and were never able to visualize a future for yourself. Or after alienation, now you don't know how to plan for your life without your child being at the center of it all?

Well, settle in, my friends. Today we are going to take a pretty deep dive into WHY this happens, along with how you can overcome it.

My objective today is to open up and have a casual conversation about some not-so-casual issues.

In this episode:

• trauma alters memory
• how it affects your self image
• how trauma affects your ability to visualize your future
• how it affects your aspirations
• how trauma bonds might have crossed/confused your idea of love, healthy relationships
• neurons the fire together wire together
• how to overcome in 3 steps

⛔️ Heads Up: Albeit brief, I do visit some childhood abuse situations in this episode. If you think you're not ready to go there, maybe skip this one for now, and go back to an earlier episode. BUT...
⭐️ This is a good one y'all.. so make sure to come back to it!

If you've been down the research rabbit hole of alienation's long-term effects on children, you're well aware of the toll it could take on their cognitive development. 

Similarly (tho your brain may have been fully developed when your children were born), parents like us also experience a dulling of our critical thinking and deductive reasoning skills; which makes it more challenging for us to see the big picture right off the bat (also, many of us just didn't learn the skill as children). 

I see it dozens of times each week... a parent will present a story utilizing the "facts" in order to illustrate that their lives are doomed. They will take the limited info they have and FILL IN THE BLANKS with interesting bits (drama), and then deem the whole story TRUTH.  

You'd be amazed at how many parents I speak with that will do just about anything to convince me that their life is unfixable.  They are committed to their story, in spite of the fact that it's causing them to suffer.

Whether they are referring to their child, the alienating parent, or even a significant other, it's highly unlikely that, unless they were told firsthand, they would know for sure what another person is thinking or feeling. 

But we all do it. 

If you've been listening for a little bit, you know that I talk with y'all a lot about making yourself aware of the thoughts you're allowing. Today, I share:

• A story from a couple weeks ago, when I believed my own lie
• my thoughts on limiting beliefs (thanks to the Bachelorette)
• Why it's important to play this current sucky hand thru
• How to change your "fate"
• Why its essential to choose the thoughts you allow into your mental temple 😉

We spend our lives running, trying to circumnavigate situations that seem scary. It starts in school... we don't want to feel rejection. Hurt. We shudder at the idea of being made a fool or taken advantage of. Instead, we hide ourselves away, build up all these walls in effort to avoid emotional pain. 

Then, when the alienation begins... seemingly overnight, we feel an influx of negative emotion. And because we didn't learn it in childhood, we feel entirely ill-equipped to handle the pressure.

I remember feeling so terrified of being judged and persecuted. And boy... to be devalued to/by my own sweet angel of a child? I can feel that horror now, just writing about it. I spent my free time numbing with habits in order to avoid the fear & discomfort thinking that the emotions themselves were the danger. But what actually harmed me -- & what is the most dangerous for all of us as alienated parents -- is what we do because of the fear -- the avoidance.

We, as parents experiencing alienation, know isolation. We know lonely. Heck... it's right there in the two word term!

When alienation begins, it doesn't only affect your role in your child's life -- in fact, the predicament we've found ourselves in affects so many other relationships. Until recently, your children were intertwined with your entire life!

So it makes sense that you would want to isolate yourself. But there is so much data out there showing how critical emotional support is for our healing process.

As humans, we need to be and feel understood. We crave togetherness. But after a period of isolation, our brain produces a neuropeptide called tachykinin. This protein interacts with the body to cause our loneliness to perpetuate itself. What's worse? It also will make you believe you're not lonely. So in order to evolve through it, you must develop the skill of discernment. Listen to the episode for more!

It seemed IMPOSSIBLE not to be consumed by it all.. The injustices were everywhere I turned. I was being followed, harassed, bullied, slandered, intimidated, threatened, and of course, grossly criticized of my ability of mother my child.

The network of judges, custody evaluators, crooked "family" attorneys (not all of them were/are, but..); the strictly bureaucratic nature of the court officials & processes, making it nearly impossible to be and feel heard; but shifted around from one "specialist" to the next, while you foot the bill.

The issues that mattered (like my child's rights to be loved by both parents) were buried by the smokescreen antics concocted by the alienator. Lasting well over a decade (15 years and counting), it felt like a living HELL.

They made false accusations, pursued criminal legal actions, persistently badgered both the AG and the DA's office in effort to have me incarcerated; with the ultimate goal of removing from my daughter's life for good.

As a result of not having the tools I do today, suffered for years in clinical depression, somatic symptoms/illness, active & progressing addiction, poverty... I could go on..

To add insult to injury, I was ordered to pay child support... to a trust fund baby.

I mean, I was ATE UP. I felt like there was no other choice for me but to be miserable forever.

ANd then... I found this work. PHEW, did it save me. Listen to this episode to learn my take (on all of the above) today.

Guilt is an extremely common emotion during (any kind of ) grief. So if youre experiencing it, nothing has gone wrong in your healing.

AND... as alienated parents, I think we can all agree that we guilt ourselves probably far more often than necessary. Before doing this work, I had no idea why. In this episode:

1. Why guilt is a go-to for us
2. Why we feel comfortable w/ guilt, even if the blame is on us
3. How blame tricks us (and our children) into a false sense of structure
4. The massive distinction between the two emotions & how to determine which one is accurate
5. What to do if you are in fact, guilty
6. The importance of having your own back, regardless.

Should talk. Do you ever get tired of the pressure that comes with "should" & "shouldn't"?

"Life shouldn't be like this."

"My ex shouldn't be alienating my kid from me."

"People shouldn't be so rude."

"I should be further along than I am"

"I should look forward to my parenting time"

"I should look forward to my scheduled call with my kid"

"I shouldn’t feel nervous about or have mixed feelings about seeing my kids"

"My neighbor should be less annoying."

"I should be sending them more gifts"

"I should be doing more"

"I should be doing less"

Here's the thing: the word "should" is almost always an argument with reality. Using any version of the word is our way of placing a.) conditions on others or b.) pressure on ourselves to do or be different than we currently are.

Are you an unintentional hater? Chances are, if you've gone thru the tragic situation of alienation, you probably also had your "fair" share of heartbreaking experiences before the custody battle even began. 

It would make perfect sense if you picked up a few protective/coping mechanisms without even noticing. Here are just a couple of reasons why this might be happening:

1. If you came from any degree of narcissistic abuse, you might've unconsciously learned to question the intentions of those with whom you interact. This is simply because relationships w/ a narc are transactional, by nature. 
2. 😲"Fun" Fact: during extended periods of isolation, the human brain secretes a neuropeptide called tachykinin (or TAC2) . This peptide activates the amygdala, causing heightened paranoia, anger, aggression, and fear. 👀 

(Now ,👆🏼 are just the two I forgot to mention while recording. I provide many more in the episode 😉)

Here's the thing:  we need isolation like we need gaping holes in our heads. If anyone deserves a cheering section & community, it's an alienated parent. Can I get a "Hell yeah!"? But!.... If we wanna to keep people around, we need to learn how to give and receive love again -- without allowing our coping mechanisms crash the party. 

Hope sounds like such a great thing. It sounds so affirmative, supportive, and well... HOPEFUL! Nearly every parent I've ever spoken with (hundreds of you) has used the word at least once during our conversations.

Here's the thing about it: It SUCKS. Stay with me here.

Think back to the last time you used it. How did it make you feel? ...On the inside, I mean. Did it make you feel motivated? In control? Did it cause you to feel certain of your ability? How about capable?

Ima guess that you weren't envisioning fluffy clouds, leprechauns, and cute little piggy snouts after you said it.

Ya. That's because the idea of hope causes us to feel hopeless. It takes our agency, and places it in the hands of tomorrow. It suggests that our lives should be placed on hold until then. Whatever emotion we are after by hoping, we must forgo until the Gods of alienation decide to reward us.

That sucks, y'all. I've got a better way to frame it. 😉

Your ability to succeed is directly related to your default beliefs.  In other words, if deep down, you don't believe you can accomplish amazing things, you will never try. You will live a mediocre life. You'll dumb yourself down.

I know you are more than that. I believe that -- no matter the obstacles -- you can do and be anything you decide on. So long as you believe it.

It's 2024. A brand new year is ahead of us. What do you want to create? Who do you want to become?

In this episode:

• My theory on 2 main reasons that we as alienated parents have a hard time believing that we can create a beautiful life 

• How to overcome those reasons and create the a life that is worthy of you

• A story from my past illustrating how strong the human mind is, and how powerful and influential the beliefs we carry can be on our ability to perform in our daily lives.  

• 3 MASSIVE mistakes I made during critical times, that ended me up here

• How to decide who you want to be moving forward

I should be further along by now. It's too late. I'm too old. I missed my window. It's not happening fast enough. After alienation happened, each of those phrases played on a daily rotation in the jukebox of my brain.

I never understood how people could get so much accomplished with such (seemingly) little effort. To me, it seemed like all I did was spin my tires in dirt... burning what little energy I had left... while others tra-la-lah-ed in circles around me (which only exacerbated the situation in my mind).

Fast forward to today... I must hear the questions 20-30 times a month: How do you do it? How did you find a way to make it through the misery?

And... the comments that follow often sound like: Well, you must be different. Your situation must've been less severe. You must've had help.

But no. None of the above. My results are due to the compound effect of my determination mindset. Day in, day out relentless desire to change the trajectory of my life. In each one of these episodes are my secrets HOW.

Holiday Support Group is Thursday @ 7:30pm! Send me an email to get the Zoom link

beyondthehighroad@gmail.com

What would change in your life if you weren’t afraid to have difficult conversations? 

Getting along with someone in your life when they're not acting as they "should" is one of the most challenging issues we face around the holidays. Then, when we add alienation into the mix, the opportunities for conflict to arise seem to multiply. One of the main byproducts of conflict is negative emotion.

And.... when there’s a lot of negative emotion involved, it's difficult, seemingly impossible to not go into blame, frustration, defensiveness, & justification. But being "right" offers a false sense of power - it costs us intimacy.

In this episode, I share with you:

• 3 steps to take before you go into a difficult conversation
• 3 methods for having a successful talk.
• 7 phrases to diffuse any heated disagreement.
• What to do when you feel defensive (and why you feel defensive in the first place)
• Picking your battles/knowing your reasons why

In last week's episode I made a mistake. I referred to one of my thought choices as an "old resentment", suggesting that it's somewhat out of my control that I still lug it around with me today. But that's not how it actually is. And Than GOD for that.

If we all had to reckon with the pain from our pasts by continuing to repeat the same old painful and wretched stories to ourselves, life would be absolute AGONY.

The truth is, you can decide how you want to think and feel about anything you want. It's your story to tell.

Change is inevitable. Right now, as you read this, the world around you is evolving. YOU are evolving. We all know this from an intellectual standpoint; but emotionally, we fight it tooth & nail.

Change occurs when something makes it impossible for you to remain the same. Just as the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, YOU, as an alienated parent, also go through your own metamorphosis...

....IF you allow for it. But if you fight it, you remain in your chrysalis - hardening and seizing up (which requires you to exert a lot of energy, and amounts to nothing in the end).

Instead, I'm offering that you let it all fall apart, as it wants to do. This is what is required in order for you to emerge from your outer shell (your ego) and become your newest version of you. ♥️

As alienated parents, the emotions we experience are INTENSE. Over time, anger can be sewn into -- BAKED into -- the fabric of your being. It can begin to affect how you think, feel, and interact on default... down to your posture, facial expressions, and subconscious interpretations of your world around you.

I used to think that when I had an intense emotion, that I had no control over how I reacted. "If they wouldn't make me mad, then I wouldn't have behaved that way". Cause 👉🏼effect!

But I've since found that I was mistaken. Today I know that I can feel intense anger, and go get a pedicure. I learned how to hold space for the emotion, while also not burying it deep down in my soul.

Over the holidays, emotions run high. I timed this one to help you to manage all the frustration you might be dreading. 😉

I was thinking the other day about us (target parents), and about our children, for whom most of us would pledge both arms to have home again.

Then it occurred to me.. "but I wonder how many parents feel ready to have them home?" ... "and I wonder how many of those parents have taken the steps necessary?" ... "or even know the steps to take?"

Because, let me tell you: 3-4 years ago, I sure as heck wouldn't have known what to do. I mean, it's one thing when it's written in a court document, or being thrown at you in condescending SMS msgs, but it's a whole different thing -- and so much more helpful -- when you hear it from another parent who's been down the very road you're on.

Plus, I know for me, the holidays have historically been a time to hide. This way, you have a framework to follow over the next few weeks, months, or however long you decide..

So, this episode contains 4 steps to a.) prep you for reconnecting with your kiddo and/or b.) move you from feeling like 💩 to feeling like 🤩.

Those of us who've experienced alienation are all pretty well-versed in both pain & suffering. The combination of the two is AGONY. The good news is, only ONE of these is necessary.

IN this episode:

- my thoughts on getting to "happy"

- how we perpetuate our pain

- dirty pain on top of clean pain

- why it's so important to allow your base pain

- 4 ways to eliminate - or at least minimize - your suffering.

This week makes ONE WHOLE YEAR for us! I say "us", because I really feel like you are part my team -- an integral part. This week's episode is dedicated to my top 10 favorite insights and most valuable lessons I've learned on this road to recovery. It's on the lengthier side, but as you'll hear, I had a lot going on for me personally this week. Enjoy.

Social Anxiety... it cripples many target parents of alienation. Throughout the year, I believe we kind of "manage" ourselves around it; however, once the holiday season rolls around, the influx of reminders can cause some of us to feel overwhelmed. The feelings show up in subtle ways at first, causing behaviors such as avoiding eye contact or limiting conversations, so as to protect us from vulnerability. Over time, these little behaviors manifest into a large emotional barrier between us and the rest of society.

Today I share with you a story highlighting the polarity between my pre-alienation ability to thrive in the spotlight amongst hundreds of people and post-alienation social anxiety, which still lingers today.

In this episode:

Decisions... they seem so damn difficult to make (after alienation happens). Especially when you're in an active state of worry about what might happen as a result of your choice. Your brain will keep you in a state of paralysis if you've been telling yourself things like:

• "last time I made a decision, it cost me....."
• "Any choice I make is going to backfire"
• "I should just wait and see what happens"
• "the 'right' option will present itself"

Thoughts like these will only keep you sitting in idle (or possibly going in reverse). Not only that, but the energy your body expends in avoiding... OOF (trust me, I speak from very recent experience).

What's more? The act of procrastinating/avoiding the impending decision in front of you will actually CAUSE that dreaded outcome to come to fruition.

In this episode:

I used to think that the activation of my stress response meant I was DOOMED. You hear about it on the news, on social media... Heck, even my therapist harped on me about the insidious effects prolonged stress can have on the brain and body - early onset cognitive decline, cancers High BP, premature aging, depression, blah blah.. 😵‍💫 SHEESH. I mean, the stress ABOUT my stress often bugged me more than the actual stress. You know? It made me feel like no matter how much mind management I did, no matter how much effort I made to heal.. I would forever be at the mercy of the person (people) who was alienating my child from me. 🧚🏼Then.. one magical day, I happened to be sitting in on a lecture. I learned about the Stress is Enhancing Mindset. WHATTTTT...? Sign me up, I thought. And..? The rest is history. In this episode: Why it's imperative for you to adopt a productive mindset and behavior set around stress the everyday simple (and obvious) behaviors that you can adopt/incorporate into your routines Growth Mindset Stress in Enhancing Mindset How to use the mindsets to reverse the negative effects of stress due to parental alienation ✨ASK ME ANYTHING!!! THIS SAT OCT 7, 2023 11am EDT ⭐️⭐️⭐️ event will take place in the private FB group. Join by clicking below!👇🏼👇🏼 Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate Get Notified! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/contact Website: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach

Are you doing enough?  I hear this question all the time.  My clients often wonder and worry over this… and it makes sense.  If your days were once filled with carting your kiddo to and from school, soccer practice, recitals, Brownies, Boy Scouts, etc, and then all the sudden… you weren’t… Its completely understandable that youre feeling a sense of urgency. 

Similarly, if you worry as a result of watching the situation stay the same — or get worse — it also makes sense that you’d wonder whether  you’re doing enough.  It’s not uncommon for parents like us unconsciously take the blame.

Regardless, one thing is true for most of us: we LOVE to outsource by checking Facebook groups, reddit, and good ole Google to find the answers… We want to hear what others say on the matter.  But have you ever not9iced that not matter how many answers you get from outside of you, none of them ever seem to scratch the itch?  

Well, in this episode, I’ll explain why that is, along with how to find YOUR ANSWER for yourself.

Facebook Group

“I must've done something really bad to deserve alienation”.  “I’ll never get through this.”  “My children will hate me forever.”  “This is how my life is going to be from here on out.”  “It’ll never work.” These are your Automatic Negative Thoughts… your brain’s go-to sentences it recites when you experience a moment of discomfort.  They’re knee jerk mental reactions that cause us to interpret regular situations in unbalanced ways.  These automatic negative thoughts trigger us to feel unpleasant emotions.   Alienation or not, we all have them. BUT.. I do believe that the more negative experiences a person has had, the more these ANTs pop up. And... of course, the more you believe these thoughts, the more you reinforce them. In this episode, I share a few types of ANTs, as well as how to interrupt and replace each one.

Facebook Group

Do you appreciate you? Do you ever stop to delight in your funny little quirks, your gorgeous hair or calves, or your kind heart? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you probably don't. If you do, it's not often enough.

It makes sense. If you have been called "unfit" or "unsafe" by the alienator (possibly your children too), the emotional part of your brain has likely been trying to solve for the accusations by becoming hyper-aware of all of your "defects". Since you feel like you've lost control of your custody situation -- your children's safety too -- oftentimes, the next place we turn to is ourselves. Some people overdrink. Others self-harm. No matter the behavior, we all seem to develop destructive self-talk.

In this episode, I give you 2 exercises (well, ONE, applied two different ways), to help you to retrain your thinking around this. So that you can begin to see all of your qualities as unique and truly AWEsome.

Parental alienation is rooted in blame. They blame us. You go to family court, and what happens? BLAME. The custody evaluator? The GAL? Blame and blame. As a result, our children learn that blaming is an acceptable way to behave. And, in response, we blame them (the alienating parent).

The problem is, when we blame, we put a halt to all progress and growth. Alienation ends up being a game of Blame Hot Potato.

• "They did it!"
• "NO, YOU did it!"

All the while, months, sometimes years pass, and you're still in the same spot. 😞

Let's end this misery, shall we?

⭐️BONUS!!!⭐️ Have you been desperately wanting to get out of a rut? Like, you can see the result you want right in front of you -- you can almost taste it -- but you just can't seem to grab it? Well, my friend... I've got you. In this episode I drop in the secret to uncovering the pernicious thoughts that are keeping you at arm's reach.

As the back-to-school shopping gears up, this might be a rather painful reminder that things aren't how you planned them to be. As an alienated parent, this might be a sensitive time for you. Maybe your firstborn is off to college.. Maybe your little one is entering a new school, and you're wondering who their teachers might be, what they'll wear on their first day, or if they received the money you sent them for school clothes.

I know... I get it. It's not how I planned motherhood to be, that is for sure.

But d'you know what makes things SOOOOO MUCH WORSE? That brain of yours. You know, the one that ruminates, self-deprecates, and beats you with the "shoulda" "coulda" talk.

In this episode I share with you my thoughts on neediness emotional childhood and emotional adulthood.

⭐️👉🏼ALSO!!! THIS SATURDAY AT 11:30EDT!!! 👈🏼⭐️♥️

FREE WEBINAR/ COACHING CALL!!

THE SKILL THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

To Attend either:

Make today the day you set yourself free from the alienator's choke hold on your life.

Over the holiday weekend, I was thinking back to the day that I set myself felt free -- from the negativity, the anger, the helplessness -- there was a clear turning point in my healing, where I left all of the dark days behind me.

I'll share with you a few stories, some of my favorite healing metaphors, and a motivating mindset that you are more than welcome to adopt as your own!

Links:  

Recently, I've noticed an uptick in suffering in the online communities (specifically for alienated parents). People seem to be particularly unhappy. Whether due to Mom's and Dad's days or summertime & custody scheduling, the WHO debacle, or all of them combined, something seems to be "in the air".

SO many of the parents are just handing over their power (to the alienator) on a silver platter.

Today, I'll share with you THE secret to happiness. You'll never need to rely on the alienator or your child for your happiness AGAIN (which is a good thing, because... well, read the above).

Watch the video!

Worry. Anxiety. They can be all-consuming when we're dealing with alienation.

Anxiety is a physical state. There are different kinds, but all anxiety derives from one thing: fear of the unknown. We cope with anxiety by:

1. worrying
2. avoiding

Worry is an active mental state of fearing what is to come. The emotional brain thinks that the act of worrying is purposeful. We think that by doing it, we are protecting ourselves. But actually, it doesnt serve us at all.

In this episode I provide you with a few helpful tools to pull you out of worry and into a more productive mindset.

Watch the video!

Shame.  I think every human walking the face of this earth  (over the age of, say, 9) knows the feeling of shame.  It’s like a warm shower of “UGH”.  With alienation, shame can keep us absolutely debilitated.  

We (as a society) have been conditioned to believe that “good” parents raise and house their children until they are at least 18.  I think its a universal presumption that a parent who doesn’t have access to their children must have done something really awful unforgivable.  

So, devoted and capable as we are, we hide our pain and suffering away.  We make excuses, stuff it down, and contort our lives in the name of shame.  In the name of saving face.  And as a result, we end up suffering a great deal.  

In this episode, I share with you a recent story of my own shame, my thoughts on shame as it relates to alienation, and how you can overcome it.  

During alienation, many parents (if not all of them) experience disenfranchised grief; we feel isolated, judged, and unsupported during the most painful period of our lives.

It's been proven again and again that connection is an essential resource for those healing from trauma. HUMAN CONNECTION. Fellowship. Support. Family. Companionship. Friendship. However you want to say it, THIS is the single most effective ingredient to restoring our mental health. Having an environment to open up and share our feelings is the best therapy a person can have.

The thing is, when alienation happens, reaching out is the last thing most of us do. Due to the very nature of our predicament, we feel safe with very few people. It's not uncommon for us to either clam up or act out in anger/fear. This raises questions from our peers, and many times, we end up not receiving the support we so desperately need. Instead, we grieve alone.

In this episode I share with you what disenfranchised grief is, how it relates to parental alienation, other ways it might show up, and what you can do to manage your mind around it.

MONEY.  Believe it or not, this is by far, the most highly requested topic I get from y’all, yet I know what a sore subject it is.  As alienated parents, many of us have spent GOBS of it in the court system, on supervision, reunification therapy, psych evals… I know.  But, I also know that the beliefs we develop as a result, can be limiting our potential in the future.  And… since money happens to be the currency we use to live, it’s necessary to develop healthy thoughts and habits around it.  So, in todays episode I share:

• a little about where my earliest money beliefs came from, in hopes to normalize the conversation.  
• Why its imperative to become aware of where you sit financially
• The story youre telling yourself about your money situation
• How to move into new productive beliefs
• And some mindset tips for setting new money goals for yourself.  

Y’all, it’s a good one!  Enjoy.   Also, in order to keep it under 40 min, I made some (a lot) of cuts.  If you want to watch/listen to the rest of the material, just send me an email.  I’ll drop you a link!   

Watch the video!