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The Black Adoption Podcast

The Black Adoption Podcast

By Black to the Beginning with Dr. Samantha Coleman & Sandria Washington

Friends Dr. Samantha Coleman and Sandria Washington both discovered as adults they were adopted. Each quickly learned that Black adoption is common, but taboo to speak about in private or publicly. Black to the Beginning: The Black Adoption Podcast amplifies the adoption conversation by placing the stories of #BlackAndAdopted adults and #TheBlackFamily at the center. In order to change the narrative, you gotta CHANGE THE NARRATOR. With each conversation, more healing happens for generations of Black families and #ForTheCulture!
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S2E14: "Say it Loud! We Are Rising" x Renecia Jackson

The Black Adoption PodcastSep 06, 2021

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50:28
S4E52: Mum's the Word! x Lorna Little, MSW

S4E52: Mum's the Word! x Lorna Little, MSW

"How could my life until that point not be the authentic life that I thought I was living?" - Lorna Little, Black, late discovery adoptee


With an impressive academic and professional background in social services, Lorna Little, MSW is intimately connected to the challenges and needs of families, particularly youth parents, youth in foster care and individuals impacted by adoption. Since 2018, she has served as the President and CEO of St. Anne's Family Services. In 1997, the professional turned unexpectedly - an unimaginably - personal.


"It's out now." With those three simple words, Lorna learned from her mother that she was adopted.


But only by one parent.


"Your dad is your dad biologically. But I'm not your biological mother."


A living family secret swaddled in the shame of infidelity, infertility, interracial romance and stigma took Lorna on an international search for the truth of her origins that spanned years.


Lorna's search is filled with so many twists, turns and moments of synchronicity that her reunion can only be called Divine.


Her memoir, Mum's the Word! (we love a good double entendre!) is not only a journey through family secrets and relationships; it's a map of sorts for other late discovery adoptees navigating their own healing journeys through what Lorna describes as the complex "blessing" of adoption.


This episode is like a movie, y'all, get comfortable and get into it!


As always, LISTEN, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE!


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Feb 17, 202401:25:56
S4E51: "If you reveal, you heal" x Ryan Hil

S4E51: "If you reveal, you heal" x Ryan Hil

“I just want to get into some ‘good trouble’.”   - Ryan Hill, Black, same-race adoptee

For as long as Ryan could remember, he always knew that he was adopted. His mother was a social worker who also  worked at The Cradle, an Illinois adoption agency, for 10 years.  She would often hold him close and softly speak the words, “we want you,” into his ear.  Ryan felt special and internalized that he was “chosen.”  

While his mother was very intentional about demonstrating her love and support through open conversation, she opted to not have other family members to speak about adoption at all.  This left Ryan feeling “othered,” and unprepared with how to navigate being Black, male, and adopted in the all-white neighborhood in which he grew up.  The compounding of these identities brought about shame, feelings of abandonment and rejection, and ultimately depression.  

At the age of 13, Ryan’s overwhelming emotions had him believing that life was no longer worth living.  And while he didn’t make any attempts on his life at that time, the thoughts of suicide ebbed and flowed, even into adulthood.  Fortunately, he found the creative outlet of DJ’ing to assist him through challenging times.

Eventually, Ryan embarks on a search and reunion process to learn more about his origin story.  What he uncovers is enough to re-traumatize him!  Instead, he places himself at choice to fortify relationships with his adoptive family, accept the complexities of his biological family, and vows to unapologetically speak the truth in his advocacy for adoptees' voices to be heard so that they don’t become statistics.


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#ADOPTION #SUICIDE PREVENTION #MENTALHEALTH

Feb 02, 202401:29:01
S4E50: "Never Call My Mom Auntie!" x Aretha Frazier

S4E50: "Never Call My Mom Auntie!" x Aretha Frazier

"I don't romanticize my suffering and my trauma and I don't allow other people to do it either." - Aretha Frazier, Black, kinship adoptee

Aretha Frazier's younger sister is her biological niece and Aretha's mom is her biological aunt. Aretha was introduced to the complexities of family relationships early in life, being born to parents who struggled with crack addictions in Detroit in the 1990s. She still vividly remembers the fear of seeing the two police officers who came to remove her and her two younger siblings from their home and from her biological mother's care. Their favorite aunt came to pick them up, and with a new home came a new name and a new relationship.


Favorite auntie quickly became a mother whom she learned to fear.


Aretha experienced unchecked physical abuse until the age of 12, but emotional and mental abuse by her mother continued. Her strict and controlling ways often went ignored by other family members who never let Aretha forget that she should be grateful for the good life, education and opportunities her mother provided. Aretha turned out better than fine; she became a successful lawyer. Wasn't life so much better than what it would have been if she'd stayed with her biological mother?


People tend to believe that intrafamilial adoption, or kinship adoption, is inherently all good and that is far from the truth. Aretha's story parallels many of the challenges experienced by those who are adopted by non-biological kin.


For so many years Aretha walked on eggshells, tip-toeing around her adoption to avoid the landmines of her mom's emotions. Today, she's using her voice and her story to help people interrogate their assumptions about kinship adoption. She proudly identifies as #BlackAndAdopted and we love to see it!


Clap it up for EPISODE 50, y'all!! Wow. This milestone was reached in partnership with YOU. Thank you for every listen, every share, every DM, every storyteller and every piece of support and encouragement. Cheers to changing the narrative one episode at a time! As always, LISTEN, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE!


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#ADOPTION #FOSTERCARE #KINSHIP

Jun 16, 202301:48:09
S4E49: "Am I dreaming? Did this really happen?" x Poet Loschil

S4E49: "Am I dreaming? Did this really happen?" x Poet Loschil

What happens when a happy-go-lucky Black boy with a healthy sense of curiosity is silenced by a secret from the shadows?  He retreats, hides, and selectively mutes himself. What those around him don’t know, is that the “mic-drop” reveal by his parents of “you’re adopted,” is never discussed again.  The little boy, with questions about his story, is not permitted to ask them.  Consolation is not an option.  Rather, he’s told to “fix your face and act right.”

Coming to the proverbial BTTB stage for Season 4, Episode 49, is Poet Loschil (sounds like Lost Child).  Listen in as this Black MAN shares his uphill battle to decipher his parents’ truths from lies.  And while you’re tuning in, think about the impact of only having a “one and done,” conversation about a critical life-changing event. The closest that he ever gets to answers is through reunion with some of his biological family.  Even then, there are lingering clues that may never lead to a full understanding of his identity.

Luckily, Poet Loschil, begins to tap into his creative prowess. He credits writing and poetry with being the outlet that he never knew he needed.  It’s been his therapy, his rise from the ashes, and the vehicle to unmute himself.  His words are a gift and a lesson to us all that no matter what, Black adoptee voices are powerful and necessary. We will not be silenced.


Take a listen to Season 4, Episode 49.  Share. Subscribe. Leave a review.


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#ADOPTION #THEBLACKFAMILY #MENTALHEALTH #SEARCHANDREUNION #WRITEABOUTIT

Jun 02, 202357:26
S4E48: "Miracles of a Murder" x Michelle Senior

S4E48: "Miracles of a Murder" x Michelle Senior

"I just believe that the plan for their life and my life is going to exceed everything I've gone through." - Michelle Senior, adoptive mom following emergency foster care placement

Less than a year after her son was murdered, Michelle Senior found herself unexpectedly caring for three children under the age of two. When people comment that she "saved" them, she's quick to correct them that her three "miracles" saved her.

Grief mixed with the overwhelm of unplanned motherhood and trauma from her past had her contemplating taking her own life.

Thankfully, she didn't. Although Michelle, instead, recognized the blessing in having more to live for - despite the challenges - this conversation dives deeper into how do parents care for themselves navigating personal trauma while also caring for traumatized children.

It takes more than love in either case, that much is for certain.


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Apr 08, 202301:01:32
S4E47: "I am so free, right now." x Regina Smithwick

S4E47: "I am so free, right now." x Regina Smithwick

There’s a price for freedom, and it involves doing your work.  For Regina, this meant moving from a place of being “ok” about her adoption status, to being accepting of it.  This was no easy task, because adoption was not discussed with her since the age of six, during an interrupted viewing of Soul Train.  40+ years later, the topic remained, hush.  Consequently, Regina grappled with failed relationships, being loyal to a fault, and suppressing her feelings and emotions about who she was and how she came to be with her family.

After one critical event of begging a man to like her, she recognized that her unresolved issues about her adoption kept her from loving herself, and she begins working with a life coach.  This is pivotal for her as she begins to speak truth to power, openly acknowledge her adoption, and embrace her calling to help others in this world. 

This story solidifies how secrecy, stigma, shame, and silence are detrimental to adoptees being able to fully, heal.  What’s an adoptee to do when it appears that society and adoptive/biological families express that adoptees should just move on with their lives and remain in the dark about where they come from?  How do adoptees receive adequate medical care when a visit at the doctor’s office feels disempowering if you don’t have information about your health history?  When the credits roll, is it not fair to admit that sometimes, reunions are “like a gift wrapped in sandpaper?” 

We have questions, and the answers.  Take a listen to Season 4, Episode 47.  Share. Subscribe. Leave a review.

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Mar 31, 202301:16:34
S4E46: "Full Circle" x Jamel Hicks, Creator of Maybe Mama Blog

S4E46: "Full Circle" x Jamel Hicks, Creator of Maybe Mama Blog

"Why didn't somebody tell me that I had fibroids? Even if they weren't that big, why didn't somebody tell me that I had them?" - Jamel Hicks, Mothering via adoption after fibroids + infertility

After having years of annual exams, Jamel Hicks was 34 years old the first time a gynecologist told her she had fibroids - several fibroids, to be exact. Not only was this news to her, she was also shocked to learn from her mother that many of the women in their family suffered with fibroids. Jamel remembers being about 10 years old when she helped care for an aunt who had surgery. Come to find out, her aunt had a hysterectomy. 

The women in her family didn't talk about those things.

Removing the fibroids set Jamel on a fertility journey that put a strain on her body, mind and blossoming relationship with the man who would become her husband. She started a blog, Maybe Mama, to chronicle her rollercoaster journey with infertility as a Black woman. After one round of IVF treatments, she clearly heard from God "no more medical intervention." 

For Jamel, adoption was not the last resort. Not being a parent was the last resort.

Life as a hopeful adoptive parent (HAP) meant first dealing with the grief of infertility. Today, there's no maybe; Jamel is mama to a beautiful baby boy. Her story is a reminder that #BlackFamiliesAdopt and they are "real" families, too.

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Mar 10, 202301:43:53
S4E45: "There is literally an endless sea of us with stories like mine.” " x Michelle Mackey

S4E45: "There is literally an endless sea of us with stories like mine.” " x Michelle Mackey

Reading through documentation from a half-baked adoption file is the only way to “jarg” Michelle’s repressed memories of her childhood. As she sifts through the notes that a social worker has penned, she learns that her early life included living in a motel that housed prostitutes and drug addicts. A line that jumps off the page of that report states “it is a great concern that she was allowed to spend the first three years of her life here.” This begins Michelle’s journey into the foster care system, but ultimately becoming an adoptee.

Throughout her time within the foster care system, Michelle endures unspeakable trauma. So much so, she becomes selectively mute. Ultimately, a new home is identified for Michelle, and she has a “resting place,” where she at least receives her basic needs, educational and mental health supports, as well as unbreakable bonds with the other children in her home that were fostered and then adopted.

The resilience and power within this story are unparalleled. It’s a testament to triumphing in the midst of tribulations, deciding for oneself that you won’t be a victim, and creating connections with people that are going to build you up and celebrate your “wins,” at all times.

Get into this nightmare turned beautiful beginning. We’re inspired, and know you will be too. Take a listen to Season 4, Episode 45. Share. Subscribe. Leave a review.

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Feb 24, 202301:28:07
S4E44: "What If Redemption Never Comes" x Shannon Thompson

S4E44: "What If Redemption Never Comes" x Shannon Thompson

"All I know is that I was left there and God brought me to where I was supposed to be." - Shannon Thompson, Black, Same Race Adoptee + Foster Care to Adoption

Brooklyn, New York. Early '90s.  Against the backdrop of fly fashion, music history-in-the-making and a war on Black families - errr, a "war on drugs" - , a newborn girl was abandoned in a hospital. Her emergency foster home in the care of a 52-year-old woman became the only home she's ever known. Shannon Thompson is a survivor and overcomer from birth.

While being adopted or raised in kinship care may be considered outside the "norm" by some, Shannon grew up in a community where it was more common for children to live with their grandparents. Shannon called Ms. Sue, her mother/adoptive mom, "Grandma" just like Ms. Sue's grandchildren did. Being raised by an older parent came with some challenges, and also came with love and an ally on Shannon's search for birth family.

Years of searching, including 23andMe and Ancestry.com DNA tests, came with dead ends, stalled communications, loss, grief, hope and God's faithfulness.

Shannon is clear that the abandonment that happened to her is NOT her. This future licensed clinical psychologist is owning her voice and her story, and intentions to use her experiences and studies to help children and families who share a similar origin story. YESSSS!

Some people wear their heart on their sleeve. You can hear Shannon's heart in her voice. Take a listen, feel all the feels, share, subscribe and leave a review!

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Feb 10, 202301:29:41
E43: "The Woman King" -REEL Talk w/ Dr. Samantha Coleman x Sandria Washington

E43: "The Woman King" -REEL Talk w/ Dr. Samantha Coleman x Sandria Washington

"The Woman King," starring Viola Davis, is a box office blockbuster and to our pleasant surprise, it's also a whole Black Adoption story! Take a listen as we break down the many Black Adoption themes in The Woman King as seen through the lenses of two Black adoptees.

We're talking search and reunion, the liberation of the Black birth mother, the rise of the orphan, sisterhood, and of course the Three S's: secrecy, stigma and shame. 

We encourage critically watching/reading movies, television shows, books and magazines to understand how adoption - specifically Black Adoption - shows up in popular culture. 

Are portrayals accurate? Are you provided with a different frame of reference by being able to externally view these situations?  Is there an opportunity to rewrite the narrative? Do creators need to be called out for portrayals that perpetuate negative stereotypes? #DoWriteHollywood

These are all questions that we are asking ourselves and look forward to continuing REEL Talk deep dives into the Black Adoption Experience as seen on the big and small screen.

Video available on YouTube!

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#ADOPTION #ADOPTIONPODCAST #THEWOMANKING #SANDRIAWASHINGTON #SAMANTHACOLEMAN

Oct 10, 202201:08:11
S3E42: “Freedom is dangerous, but only for women.” x Deesha Philyaw

S3E42: “Freedom is dangerous, but only for women.” x Deesha Philyaw

What would it look like for Black adoptees, their adoptive parents, and their birth families to be free? Free from generational trauma. Free from secrets. Free from societal expectations. Free from what can be viewed as hypocrisy from the Black church. With this freedom comes responsibility, and Black women often find themselves at a crossroads of choosing themselves and attending to the needs of others.

In this episode, Deesha Philyaw, author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies gets as honest and vulnerable as anyone can get. After experiencing secondary infertility, she and her then husband decide against fertility treatments, and pursue an adoption journey. As she navigates the process, she reminds herself that her child is not “sitting in a cabbage patch.”  Her daughter had/has a family, and the bittersweet mixture of happiness, grief, and loss cannot be overstated.

One day, Deesha takes inventory of her life and acknowledges her own unhappiness. Deesha’s up-bringing in the Evangelical church implores her to abide by doctrine, because, “God doesn’t like divorce.” She decides NOT to play by the rules, and ultimately co-creates a healthy parenting plan (and a book!) with her ex-husband. Getting real about the complexities of adoption AND divorce, has resulted in liberated parenting.

As a bonus, we explored  The Secret Lives of Church Ladies – a beautiful homage to Black women’s stories. Deesha reminds us how telling our stories, even when they’re “messy” may release oneself from their burdens. There is power in our voices and putting pen to paper. It’s a start to engaging in our own self-discovery process where we are FREE to pursue who we are without interference.

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Sep 16, 202201:12:03
S3E41 "Adopted but Identified" x Makayla Brown

S3E41 "Adopted but Identified" x Makayla Brown

"I had nobody else to really give me the answers that I was looking for, so I used my faith, my prayer to navigate on this journey."  - Makayla Brown, Black, Same Race Adoptee + Host, Adopted but Identified

When you know who you are in your adoptive family and who you are in your biological family, how do you merge the two and still be YOU? Makayla Brown answered this question by being exactly who God created her to be. 

Rooted in her family's Christian upbringing, Makayla found God for herself and developed a personal relationship by talking to God through the letters she wrote in her prayer journal. She consistently wrote her intentions to one day find her first family, and those letters manifested into the sweetest 16th birthday gift of reconnecting with them.

Makayla's mother supported her search and reunion from the beginning with a literal open book and open door to ask questions. Without the burdens of secrecy, stigma and shame, Makayla's heart and mind were open to receive her "new" family. But, were they ready to receive her and the family that came along with her?

There's no rule book how to navigate the process of life after reunion, but Makayla's story is evidence that speaking life over your adoptee journey is a must!

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#ADOPTION

Sep 09, 202201:04:10
S3E40: "I was in survival mode most of my life." x Breanna Wyley

S3E40: "I was in survival mode most of my life." x Breanna Wyley

Breanna’s teenage mother attempts to hide her pregnancy, but when she goes into labor on her High School Graduation Day, her own mother forces her to place the child for adoption. Baby Breanna is fostered and then adopted, after remaining in the foster care system for 3 years. While her adoptive parents informed church members of she and her siblings’ adoption status, they never had an explicit conversation to define what it meant to be adopted. As a self-described “weird child, Breanna searched the pages of a dictionary she carried around with her. Reading the definition provided comfort, but thrust her into a world of fantasy as she aimed to resolve her belief that this situation – this family, was temporary.

After suffering sexual abuse at the hands of her mother’s boyfriend, Breanna leaves home after her senior year of high school. This decision severed the relationship with she and her adoptive family, but friends encourage her to engage in a search and reunion process. The information she receives from her adoption file and a Facebook search have her connected with her biological mother, overnight. Over the span of a decade, there has yet to be an official meeting with her biological mother, siblings, and other blood relatives due to fear and continued secrecy. In spite of it all, Breanna shares how she has defined family for herself, is using her voice to speak her truth, and is finally on the path to healing.

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#ADOPTION #BLACKADOPTION #FOSTERCARE #SEARCHANDREUNION #AFRICANAMERICANADOPTION

Sep 02, 202248:46
S3E39: "Who can I trust, at this point?" x Tonya Hockaday

S3E39: "Who can I trust, at this point?" x Tonya Hockaday

Fool me once (at 16 years old), shame on you. Fool me twice (at 32 years old),shame on, who? STILL YOU!!! At the crossroads of trust and deception is a conscious choice of transparency. When it comes to late discovery adoptees (LDA), they are often given excuses as to why the knowledge of their adoption status was withheld. For Tonya, this information was dismissed because her adoptive father, also an alcoholic, had shared the information. His substance abuse was used as the scapegoat to deny the truth. 16 years later, Tonya finds out that there were no lies told. Her mother and grandparents vowed to go to the grave with this information, and her aunt didn’t think it was her place to divulge this family secret. So now what? Tonya is left angry, hurt, disappointed, and confused about who she is, and everything that she THOUGHT she knew about herself.

Tonya, almost lost her physical, emotional, and mental stability as she grappled with grief, shame, and a search and reunion process that only led to dead ends. She regains control of her life with therapy, a life coach, and turning her story into a documentary. She also credits her faith, her husband, children, and sister-friends for providing her with unconditional love and support as she reclaims her #IDentity?

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#ADOPTION #BLACKADOPTION #LATEDISCOVERYADOPTEE #AFRICANAMERICANADOPTION

Feb 25, 202252:51
S3E38: "Pieces of Me" x J'ai Brown

S3E38: "Pieces of Me" x J'ai Brown

"Therapy is a real tool and resource." - J'ai Brown, Black Same Race Adoptee

J'ai Brown's parents struggled to conceive. Then, SURPRISE! Two years after adopting J'ai, they went on to conceive FIVE children (including a set of twins). A self-described "daddy's girl," J'ai has close relationships with her father and all of her siblings. The relationship with her mother, however, has been much more complicated, with childhood memories of her mother threatening to send her back or saying their family had five children instead of six.

Being intentional and deliberate about working through the impact of the exclusion she felt as a child has been life changing. With the support of Black, adoption trauma informed therapists, J'ai has stepped into owning her voice and her story. "I want to use my experience, my voice to be a blessing to other adoptees.... I want to use my experience to be that person that I did not have growing up."

This healing journey is not only for the little girl that she was, but also for the little girl that she and her husband are raising. "I got a little queen, a young queen that I'm raising and I don't want her to have the experience of not feeling like she's enough, not feeling valued, not feeling seen and heard."

In the midst of her hopeful search to one day connect with biological family, J'ai is leaning on her faith as she continues to define and embrace all the beautiful pieces of herself.

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Feb 11, 202201:11:03
S3E37: "That's Really My Mama" x Lisa and Nicholas Wright

S3E37: "That's Really My Mama" x Lisa and Nicholas Wright

“She never forgot that she had a daughter out there somewhere.” – Lisa Wright, Black Adoptee

Despite being born in the 60’s when closed adoptions were the norm, Lisa Wright’s progressive mother opted to be open and transparent with her daughter about her adoption status. Her goal was that her child would not feel disconnected, angry, or abandoned. While Lisa was able to detect distinct differences between, she and her family, she also was astutely aware the family doesn’t always mean DNA was involved. The fact that her mother had adopted and also fostered children, #TheBlackFamily constellation looked a lot different, but had the same love as any blood-related family.

Lisa was so secure within her family; she rejected the notion of engaging in a search and reunion process. When asked by her mother if she would ever look, Lisa’s response was, “I don't need to find my mom. Last time I checked, you were still here.”  These words held true until one fateful request to take a 23andMe DNA Test came from Lisa’s son, Nicholas. Who knew that Nicholas’s desire for a tribal tattoo would create a pathway to locating biological family in such a beautiful and unexpected way?

In this story, a mother and daughter are reunited after 50 years. And GUESS WHO HER MAMA IS? If you want to know, you’ll need to listen in to this VERY SPECIAL episode where we hear for the first time, the perspectives of not only the Black Adoptee (Lisa), but her first known blood relative – her son, Nicholas.

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#ADOPTION #BLACKADOPTION #THEBLACKFAMILY #23ANDMe #SEARCHANDREUNION

Jan 28, 202201:08:56
S3E36: "Long Lost Family" x Darius Colquitt

S3E36: "Long Lost Family" x Darius Colquitt

"At 23, my world just blew up. It literally just blew up in my face." - Darius Colquitt, Black Late Discovery + Kinship Adoptee

"I love you. I love you, too. How much? Til the world blow up...". That's how Darius Colquitt and his dad would communicate when Darius was younger. With one fateful Facebook message, Darius' world that included his loving parents and his cool-ass uncle who wore suits and listened to jazz blew ALL the way up. 

His uncle turned out to be his biological father and the man he knew as his dad was really his uncle. 

In the aftermath, it was his passion and gift for artistic expression that helped Darius pick up, process and re-imagine the pieces of his life. The award-winning entertainer wrote his way toward healing and a new narrative. 

Darius' personality is BIG and we cut UP in this conversation! But don't get it twisted. Take it from three late discovery adoptees: sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying. The height of our joy matches the depth of our pain.

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Jan 14, 202201:10:20
S3E35: "Kidnapped, Abandoned, and Baking Cookies" x Zahra Alabanza

S3E35: "Kidnapped, Abandoned, and Baking Cookies" x Zahra Alabanza

" Ain't no destination. We just keep journeying." – Zahra Alabanza

Kinship care has been the method of choice when children are unable to reside with their biological parents. However, this is not always the best or DESIRED option, especially when children don’t know certain sides of their family and/or there is a perception that one’s family hasn’t shown up for them in times of need. This is the conundrum Zahra Alabanza found herself in at the age of 12, after being kidnapped by her father, abandoned, and spilt up from her siblings.

Although there were challenges along the way, the girl grows up and makes the best of the cards she’s been dealt. Just when Zahra is living her absolute best life in these Chi-Town streets, she finds out that her nephews have been placed in the foster care system. This is a full circle moment for her, and despite not being the “cookie-baking” type, she decides to raise her nephews, and reimagines what motherhood and family constellations can look like.

Zahra’s lifelong preparation coupled with her professional expertise as a social worker provides revelations and stark lessons for us about how to play chess, not checkers, when it comes to foster care system and deciding to formally adopt your kin. Listen in and listen up to this story about loss, grief, grace, compassion, and a continuous journey toward healing so that one doesn’t repeat generational trauma.

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Jan 10, 202201:00:57
S3E34: "Selling Blessings" x Qadriyyah Safiyyah Mabel-Dorothy

S3E34: "Selling Blessings" x Qadriyyah Safiyyah Mabel-Dorothy

"Your creation was the best I could be for you." - Qadriyyah S. Mabel-Dorothy

Listen, much like The South, African American birth mothers got something to say! Outcasts in their own right, Black women who choose adoption for their babies often live with shame, even when they believe their choice was the best they could do at the time. Following her divorce, Qadriyyah knew that she didn't want to have more children. God, however, had different plans, revealed to her in recurring dreams of a beautiful, Black baby boy. She knew she would have another baby and also that she was "giving birth to somebody else's baby." 

Twice.

Navigating through lack of adoption knowledge, denied requests for therapy support, a "janky" money-focused adoption agency, family and friends who didn't understand her choices, all while raising children through anxiety and depression, Qadriyyah's journey shows parenting and adoption take more than love.

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Dec 24, 202101:23:58
S3E33: "Living in a Fog" x Sonia Morgan

S3E33: "Living in a Fog" x Sonia Morgan

"I know who I am, but I just want to know, where it actually started." - Sonia Morgan

Imagine finding a photo album that you’ve never seen before. The pictures are of you BUT the name on the book and photos is not your own. Hard to fathom, right? Our guest, Sonia Morgan lived this experience, and at age 27, her world is turned upside down when she confirms her lifelong feeling that “something’s not right.”

Sonia grew up in a loving home with her parents and older sister where she has fond childhood memories of playing outside, jumping rope, and playing jacks. She felt safe, secure, and had no reason to believe that there were any family secrets bubbling beneath the surface.

Listen in as we chat about what it means to be a late discovery adoptee (LDA), the intensity and fluctuation of emotions that are felt during the grieving process, the exploration of the “truth,” and the conflict of being empathetic and compassionate, when those expressions are often denied to adoptees. More importantly, we drill down on intentional curiosity about oneself. In doing so, adoptees can sit in their power to not “erase,” who they are, but live in their purpose without shame.

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Dec 17, 202154:59
S3E32: "Who Am I Really?" x Damon Davis

S3E32: "Who Am I Really?" x Damon Davis

"I consider myself to be on the far end of the scale of good reunions." - Damon Davis

Every search and reunion story is unique, and Damon Davis knows this well. More than 150 adoptees have shared their stories on his popular "Who Am I Really? Podcast" and his own search and reunion stories (plural) made our hearts swell (you'll definitely want to read his memoir and be prepared for a good, ugly cry).

Damon was raised by two Black parents and for most of his life he had no desire to search for his biological family. The birth of his son, Seth, changed that.

Taking two different search and reunion paths with each birth parent - formal and more informal - Damon's journey underscores for adoptees the importance of searching intentionally for the right reasons at the right time, caring for ourselves emotionally throughout the process, and if a reunion is an outcome, the beauty that can come from holding those precious initial meetings sacred as a potential relationship evolves.

AND in this conversation, we turn the tables on Damon and get his official answer to his own million dollar question, "Who Am I Really?".

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Dec 07, 202101:23:13
S3E31: "Dear Black Girl: It (For Real) Takes a Village" x Tamara Winfrey-Harris

S3E31: "Dear Black Girl: It (For Real) Takes a Village" x Tamara Winfrey-Harris

"Tell your stories." - Tamara Winfrey-Harris

Welcome to Season 3 of The Black Adoption Podcast! It's an honor to be back and to kick things off with noted writer, storyteller, speaker and author, Tamara Winfrey-Harris. She is the best-selling author of Dear Black Girl: Letters From Your Sisters On Stepping Into Your Power and the recently re-released The Sisters Are Alright: Changing the Broken Narrative of Black Women in America (Second Edition)

We're all about changing broken narratives with this podcast and in this conversation Tamara traces her writing journey and her passion behind telling authentic stories of Black women and girls. She also explores how these "broken narratives" around Black women and family continue to shape the Black Adoption conversation. We also get into her extensive personal family genealogy research, the rich stories (and famous relatives) she's uncovered, and the importance of discovering the heroes in our own families.

"Every birth has a story..." and we hope this episode will inspire you to pick up your pen to own your story and tell it. Whatever your story is, someone else is waiting to be seen in your words.

Take a listen, share, and grab your copy of Dear Black Girl from the BTTB Bookshop linked in the Show Notes!

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Nov 26, 202149:52
HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST! [BONUS EPISODE]

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, THE BLACK ADOPTION PODCAST! [BONUS EPISODE]

Go, shawty, it's ya birthday!! On November 13, 2020 we launched Black to the Beginning: The Black Adoption Podcast and we're still here in these #BlackAdoption streets celebrating one year of dynamic stories, and the guests and listeners who make this work possible. This episode is a look back at a few standout moments, a look forward to Season 3 and a love letter to everyone who has supported in some way along the way. THANK YOU!

Have you enjoyed our first year of The Black Adoption Podcast? Has it impacted you in any way?  Leave us a review or a comment; share this episode or your favorite episode; or simply give us a listen if you are new to the podcast. We appreciate all the support!

Nov 13, 202141:13
S2E15: "The Gift of Adoption"  x Jini Thornton [SEASON 2 FINALE]

S2E15: "The Gift of Adoption" x Jini Thornton [SEASON 2 FINALE]

"I need to fill this gap for my children." - Jini Thornton

Jini Thornton was not pressed about being adopted or about someday finding her biological family. The New York native was raised in a loving and stable family, where adoption was normal. Jini grew up with cousins who were adopted and the family - particularly her mother who adopted Jini in the late 1960's as a single, Black woman - talked about adoption openly. It wasn't a thing.

It wasn't until Jini's son expressed his need and desire to know that Jini moved forward with getting her original birth record and starting down the path of finding her birth family. Going into the search and reunion process Jini didn't think it would be a big deal, but quickly learned that was more than a notion. 

Even when the outcomes are favorable, search and reunion is a rabbit hole where the only expectation is to understand that you can't know what to expect. Jini's story highlights the saving grace of having the support of loved ones, faith, and a good therapist on the main line behind Jesus. 

Jini wants Black families to know adoption is an option and adoptees have power and permission to choose in their lives.

Take a listen, check the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes and leave a review!

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Sep 10, 202101:02:01
S2E14: "Say it Loud! We Are Rising" x Renecia Jackson

S2E14: "Say it Loud! We Are Rising" x Renecia Jackson

"Adoptees are basically the eye of the storm." – Renecia Jackson

Adoptees, in general, experience a great sense of loss from the moment they are born. Late discovery adoptees (LDA), however, have a unique experience in that they are living two different realities that are unbeknownst to them. While they may grow up with what feels like an intact family, there comes a fateful day when they learn that everything they’ve come to know and love – is smoke and mirrors.

At the age of 22, Renecia Jackson finds out that she is adopted while in a heated argument with her parents. They assumed that she knew this information because she was making transformational changes in her life that were unfamiliar to them. Like a lot of adoptive parents, their guilt and/or inability to hold the secret anymore, allowed the words come tumbling out without a lot of care or follow-up. There is relief for the parent(s), but the adoptee is left to restructure the remnants of lies and half-truths for some semblance of understanding who they are.

Renecia provides us with a full breakdown of her LDA experience, her reliance on spirituality and therapy to aid in her healing and "rise up,", as well as a call to action to share one’s story, loudly, at a time that feels right for the adoptee.

Take a listen, check the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes and leave a review!

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Sep 06, 202150:28
S2E13: "I Was Selected Not Expected" x Wendi Cherry

S2E13: "I Was Selected Not Expected" x Wendi Cherry

"We're moving forward as The Sibs Nation. The parents will have to deal with their trauma." - Wendi Cherry

"1989, the number, another summer" - a classic lyric from Public Enemy and the life-changing year Wendi Cherry met her first biological sibling. Wendi's sister was older, cooler, and one of NINE siblings that Wendi would eventually come to know. Five of "The Sibs" - the nickname of their siblings crew - were given away in secrecy and adoption while their birth parents stayed together and raised a family. 

Instead of focusing on the secondary rejection from her birth parents and their inability to speak on the past, Wendi and her Sibs chose to unite and build their relationships. Their journey has been "overwhelming with love," embracing their shared characteristics, traveling together, celebrating holidays and milestones, and having FUN.

Wendi is a whole mood in this conversation, taking us on a nostalgic ride from the 80's to present day. If you need a feel-good Black adoption story, this the one!

Take a listen, check the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes and leave a review!

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Aug 14, 202101:14:55
S2E12: "Finding Joi is Possible" x Joi Fisher

S2E12: "Finding Joi is Possible" x Joi Fisher

"I can’t live two lives."– Joi Fisher

You can know that you were adopted at a very young age. Your adoptive parents can read to you ALL of the recommended children’s books, but this still doesn’t stop the stares, the playground gossip, or hushed conversations amongst family that one may overhear.

It’s was in those moments that Joi realized that she was “special,” but not always in an endearing way. Rather, it was a term to excuse or explain her adoption status so that others may be able to digest what they understood externally, but not in the hearts of she and her parents.

Most time, Joi didn’t focus on the fact that she was adopted. However, triggers would present themselves, causing her to struggle with her identity and question whether she was lovable, worthy, and deserved better out of life.

This internal battle and desire to “find Joi” led her down the rabbit hole of New Jersey legislation, ancestry testing, Facebook messaging, and ultimately finding the pieces to the puzzle of who she was, is, and now becoming.

Take a listen and check the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes!

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Aug 07, 202101:01:35
S2E11: "Discovering My Truth" x Raye Thomas

S2E11: "Discovering My Truth" x Raye Thomas

"Kids live with people who are not their parents and it's fine until it's actually not." - Raye

"Am I adopted???" That's the question Raye grappled with when she stumbled across her first Black to the Beginning Instagram post. The content and stories from podcast guests resonated, but she wasn't adopted. Until she realized that she was. 

Informally.

Raye was raised believing her grandmother was her mother. Meanwhile, the woman who came around simply known as Tasha was, in fact, her biological mother. The revelation opened up a Pandora's box of confusion. While many adoptees are told a story of being chosen, Raye has struggled with feeling like she wasn't chosen. 

Is ignorance bliss? Not quite, but life for Raye was emotionally simpler before the truth was revealed. 

This conversation is more than another Black kinship care story; this is a conversation that explores the layers of Black adoption. What makes someone "adopted"? Who should identify themselves as an adoptee? If you're raised with and by family, are you adopted enough?

It feels good to finally find Tribe! May this conversation be your soft place to land, too.

Take a listen and check the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes!

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Jul 30, 202152:39
S2E10: "Everyone Will Know it was God" x Sana Cotten

S2E10: "Everyone Will Know it was God" x Sana Cotten

“My mother was literally just the vessel that God used to get me here on this Earth.” – Sana Cotten

Children are resilient, but they need, want, and hope for the love and security that mothers are expected to provide. When women, aka human beings, make different choices in their lives that impede their ability to care for their children, child protective agencies i.e. foster care step in to provide refuge.  In the Black community, these systems are often frowned upon, but sometimes they make a way out of no way.

At 8 years old, Sana found herself making life-altering decisions for she and her brother. In true adoptee fashion, she found herself considering the feelings of her birth mother and adoptive parents, but ultimately chose herself. This story is one of loss, love, and letting go. It is about keeping the faith, optimism, and building up from brokenness. We learn that healing is a choice, but still not optional.

Sana’s story reminds us that our steps are ordered, we have divine purpose, and that our unapologetic stories are meant to be shared – OUT LOUD!

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Jul 23, 202101:00:06
S2E9: "When Family Comes Calling" x Glodean Champion

S2E9: "When Family Comes Calling" x Glodean Champion

"Whoever wants to meet me is who I'll meet and whoever doesn't want to meet me, I'm okay with that." - Glodean Champion

By the time of this episode's airing, Glodean Champion's life has already changed significantly - AGAIN! Usually when adoptee reunion stories are told it's from a place of longing - a far off, wishful hope -  or they're told in the past tense. We spoke with Glodean as she was only a few weeks away from meeting biological family, including her father, for the first time. 

Don't worry, we already know a Part 2 is necessary!

However, this conversation won't leave you on a cliffhanger. In this episode, Glodean gives us an intimate, real-time view of that exhilarating rollercoaster time between finding/getting a missing piece to your story and connecting with that piece in the flesh. How do you prepare for a reunion? How do you manage expectations for yourself and others? How do you set boundaries? When do you talk about your experience publicly, and how much do you share? There are no "right" answers, yet, Glodean's experience provides some options from the adoptee perspective. 

Take a listen and check out the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes!

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Jul 12, 202101:01:32
S2E8: "A Birthmother's Sacrifice for Love" x Kiami Merritt

S2E8: "A Birthmother's Sacrifice for Love" x Kiami Merritt

" You always have three choices - either parent, abortion, or adoption." – Kiami Merritt

Kiami chose adoption.

The decision to place a child for adoption, is not one taken lightly by birthmothers, although society tends to shame them as if it was. Black birthmothers, in particular, also battle with their choice due to the continued belief that Black people don’t adopt and they certainly don’t relinquish their children. This back-and-forth battle with oneself is extremely stressful as one weighs the pros and cons of this ultimate sacrifice.

In this episode, Kiami shares with us her choice as a Black birthmother to select a single, white, adoptive mother for her child. We take a dive into the legal aspects of adoption, as well as how the notion of open adoption has traumatized birthmothers.

Kiami’s “heart work,” is now empowering and mentoring birth mothers to heal from their adoption experiences. In particular, she is seeking to expand her work with Black birthmothers and is calling these women to action because it is her belief that keeping one’s story locked inside of them, “is a toxin within your body, and it’s going to resonate in other areas of your life.”

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Jul 07, 202151:43
S2E7: "In Reunion...The Rest of the Story You Didn't See" x Patrice Martin

S2E7: "In Reunion...The Rest of the Story You Didn't See" x Patrice Martin

"This should have and could have at any moment taken me out, too, all the stuff that I talked to you about." - Patrice Martin

But God. There are more than two sides to a story when it comes to adoption, and when you hear Patrice Martin's story you'll understand that God is truly the Author and Finisher of her story. In Season 2 Episode 6 we introduced you to Patrice's sister, Sarah Murphy, and her diligent search for Patrice. The two sisters met for the first time on the TLC show, "Long Lost Family" (Season 6 Episode 8). 

In this episode, Patrice walks us through life before and after the show. Patrice not only met her sister that day, but also her birth mother - the woman who birthed her alone at home, cut the cord, surrendered her baby behind a mall, went to work and then carried the secret for years. 

"Adoption is trauma" and Patrice's "divinely ordered" journey is one that has led her to use her incredible story to advocate for other adoptees and mothers.

Take a listen and check out the Recommended Resources in the Show Notes!

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Jun 25, 202101:06:60
S2E6: "Lost and Then Found" x Sarah Murphy

S2E6: "Lost and Then Found" x Sarah Murphy

“One day I would just wake up, like, let me look for my sister.”Sarah Murphy

Have you been touched by an Angel? If not, get ready to hear from one, as she takes us through one of THE MOST epic and fantastic voyages through identity and sisterhood that one could ever imagine.

Sarah Murphy, after spending years in foster care, is reunited with her mother at 14 years of age, only to find out that she has a sister that she has never met. Suspicious and doubtful of this story, she delves into crates of newspapers and scans microfilm, searching for truth and clues about the baby that her mother abandoned behind a mall, wrapped in her clothes.

After years of what appeared to be a fruitless mission, the introduction of DNA tests (Ancestry) finally cracked the door to her sister, Patrice. Ironically enough, Patrice was looking for her too, but in a VERY different way. The two were reunited on Long Lost Family, a TLC Network series aimed at reuniting family members after years of separation.

Listen in, as we discuss Black maternal health, systemic inequities, empathy, communication, people pleasing, generational curses, and the love of siblings, despite their parents. For the first time ever, we get to hear the biological sibling perspective on adoption.

These two sisters were lost, found, and have been working toward building their sisterhood.

SNEAK PEAK: Patrice Martin (Sarah’s Sister) will be featured on Season 2, Episode 7, next week!

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Jun 18, 202101:02:04
S2E5: "Surviving Adoption & Colorism" x Dr. Pamela Phoenix

S2E5: "Surviving Adoption & Colorism" x Dr. Pamela Phoenix

"There's things in your family that you're just not going to be able to do anything about, because it's really not up to you. It's up to them to want to be a part of this healing, too, and everybody doesn't want to be a part of healing." - Dr. Phoenix

In radio, they call it dead air, but on this podcast we call it holding space. There is healing on the other side of the discomfort of listening to the silence. Thank you, Dr. Phoenix, for reminding us of that. Forty years ago at the age of 17, Pamela Phoenix learned that her favorite aunt was actually her biological mother. Learning she was adopted devastated her, and in the process of losing who she believed she was she also lost her family.

Since 1998, Dr. Phoenix has been going "Black to the beginning" to the roots of her trauma and helping others along their own healing journeys for more than two decades as the facilitator of the Sankofa Rites of Passage program for youth and adults (Sandria is a graduate of the 2021 adult cohort). Dr. Phoenix's life and work underscores the fact that adoptees are SURVIVORS, there is power in (re)writing your life's story, and being rooted in the divinity of Blackness and your purpose can feel like a return home.

This extended episode is not for casual listening. Grab your journal, a cup of tea, and settle in for this intimate conversation. May it shine a light wherever you are on your healing path.


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Jun 04, 202101:23:09
S2E4 "The Secret of the Black Birthmother" x Courtney Cook

S2E4 "The Secret of the Black Birthmother" x Courtney Cook

I’ll probably say this until my last breath, but adoption is one of the best decisions I've ever made.” – Courtney Cook

Whether or not we feel WORTHY in our lives, even as children, has an impact on the relationships we have, our ability to chase or discard our dreams, and the overall manner by which we make decisions. Unfortunately, Black birth mothers – young and more mature in age, have grappled with their worthiness and have had to make the life altering decision to place their children for adoption. Most have shared that they were at a crossroads in their lives where they knew that even if they placed a lower value on themselves at the time, their unborn child deserved to have more than what they were prepared to offer.

A 17-year old Courtney Cook was pregnant, unsupported by family, deserted by her child’s father, and on her way to college. As a child herself, she made the ultimate sacrifice to enter a semi-open adoption with her son, counting each pain-staking year that went by in the hopes of a reunion. This story continues to solidify why transparency is a necessity, healing – not an option, and the importance of birth mothers and adoptive mothers forging relationships (when possible).

Class is in session on Episode 4. Listen in and take some time do a self-check on your “worthiness” meter.

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May 28, 202144:24
S2E3 "The Desire of My Heart" x Denise Hendricks

S2E3 "The Desire of My Heart" x Denise Hendricks

“People are going to talk about you, regardless.” – Denise Hendricks

All the single ladies! *cues Beyonce and hits an 8 count right quick* These days, it seems like coming into motherhood later in life - particularly as a Black, single woman - bothers folks more than becoming a mother too young. What in the Being Mary Jane is a woman to do? Denise Hendricks will be the first to tell you to listen to the desires of your heart and not to any negative energy around you. 

In her early 40s, Denise decided to pursue adoption as a single woman. With the support of her "tight village" of family, friends, church family and a growing sister circle of Fabulous Adoptive Black (FAB) moms, Denise persevered through the many ups and downs of the unpredictable adoption process and today, her son Luke is her greatest blessing.

Real motherhood. Real transparent. Real unapologetic. Real inspiring (several people in her circle, including couples, have followed her lead).

Mess around and take a listen to Episode 3 and she just might inspire you, too!  

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May 21, 202151:42
S2E2 "A Bond with a Purpose" x Latonya Minor

S2E2 "A Bond with a Purpose" x Latonya Minor

“I could never replace his mom no matter how good of a job that I think I'm doing” – Latonya Minor

Was it luck? A chance encounter? Or simply God, that would not allow the connection between Latonya Minor and her nephew to be broken? While being raised by blood relatives is not always in the best interest of a child, this amazing testimony is a prime example of what love and “want to,” can do to change the trajectory of someone’s life.

As a woman of faith, Tonya took a serious self-inventory of her life and made the conscious decision to parent, when she could have continued living her best “no kids attached” life. Tonya illuminates for us how life’s challenges can be reframed into opportunities – if we let them. Every twist and serendipitous turn within this story demonstrates why we must “stay woke,” because you never know what’s coming for you.   While it is certainly not easy raising her nephew, as a single mother, it is, indeed, HER PURPOSE!

Get into this Kinship Adoption Conversation!

Get into ANY conversation that is going to help you, and someone else heal. Struggle is overrated.

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May 14, 202131:57
S2E1 "Kinship Adoption: It's Complicated" x Rev. Dr. Theresa Thames

S2E1 "Kinship Adoption: It's Complicated" x Rev. Dr. Theresa Thames

"All the time that I thought I was saving my nephew, he was saving me..." - Theresa Thames

She get it from her mama. And her mama's mama. Theresa Thames (Rev. Dr. Theresa Thames, put some respek on her name!) comes from a lineage of Black women deeply rooted in Biloxi, Mississippi who modeled taking care of our own. In this Season 2 launch episode, Theresa takes us back to the roots of Black Adoption, weaving with grace the interconnected beauty and complexity of three generations of kinship care.

Theresa's mother took pride in being an adoptive mother, legally adopting her niece. For Theresa, they were sisters first and not first cousins. "It wasn't until I was older that I learned that she was adopted, but because she was my uncle's daughter, it didn't even seem like adoption." Granny Ruby (and the small, honeysuckle-scented Biloxi community where she lived) raised Theresa and her older sister after their beautiful, vibrant mother battled drug addiction. And when Theresa's sister unexpectedly passed at the age of 40, Theresa - at age 32 and newly divorced - raised her grieving nephew as a single parent through legal kinship guardianship. Or rather, they raised each other. 

"I didn't know that parenthood and motherhood would look like this." Theresa made her motherhood and womanhood journeys her own and found strength in the women who came before her, whose legacies she celebrates in "In Our Mothers' Gardens," a new documentary now streaming on Netflix.  

Theresa is a self-proclaimed joy enthusiast and you'll hear it all throughout her story, even the hard parts. Welcome to Season 2, take a listen!

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May 07, 202144:53
S1E14: REEL Talk - "Jumping the Broom" x Dr. Sam and Sandria

S1E14: REEL Talk - "Jumping the Broom" x Dr. Sam and Sandria

“End, Scene.”

Join your self-proclaimed movie critics as we dissect and reflect upon the 2011 romantic comedy, “Jumping the Broom.” For all the laughs and giggles at some very cute moments, the topic of adoption finds itself inserted at a very critical time, leaving the characters and viewing audience feeling “sorry” for the protagonist (Paula Patton’s character). Why is that? It’s as if the word “adoption,” itself is the Scarlet letter.

This movie takes us through ALL things “Black to Beginning,” – Black family, Black love, Black adoption, Black traditions, and Black culture. We encourage conversations around all of these topics, but we also suggest that you to begin to critically look at movies, television shows, and magazines to understand how adoption shows up in popular culture. Is it accurate? Are you provided with a different frame of reference by being able to externally view these situations?  Is there an opportunity to rewrite the narrative? These are all questions that we are asking ourselves and look forward to continuing our “For the Culture,”episodes to dig deeper into the Black Adoption Experience.

This is the Season 1 Finale! Thank you for listening and for your support. We look forward to seeing you soon, for Season 2.

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES FROM ALL 13 EPISODES (review past episodes for additional resources)

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Feb 26, 202138:04
S1E13: "I wish I was just adopted by Black people" x Robin Alexander

S1E13: "I wish I was just adopted by Black people" x Robin Alexander

“...another story needs to be told about transracial adoptees." - Robin Alexander

The Black adoptee experience is not monolithic and the same can be said about the Black transracial adoptee (BTRA) experience. Robin Alexander recalls always searching for who and what she was, never feeling at home in the "Indian, Mexican, French, and Spanish" origin story her white parents told her and anybody who would listen. 

There was a piece missing from her biracial identity and an inner knowing confirmed for her that the missing piece was hiding in Blackness. There was no turning back for Robin once she fully identified as Black. A Black person who happened to be adopted into a white family. 

Where some Black adoptees raised in white families may feel internally disconnected from their Blackness and maybe unworthy of fully owning their Blackness #Impostersyndrome, Robin leaned all the way in, even in the times her Black card was put into question (she can't play Spades, y'all, but her invite to the cookout is still intact!). 

Now, at 51 years old raising four grandchildren, her adoption journey is uncovering new questions. Where does her adopted self end and her authentic self begin? The searching continues, but this conversation is a reminder for us all that showing up authentically can start with boldly telling our stories.

Get into Episode 13 on your favorite podcast platform. There's only ONE MORE EPISODE remaining in Season 1!


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Feb 20, 202101:09:52
S1E12: “Even now I'm grieving the losses." x Maya Holmes

S1E12: “Even now I'm grieving the losses." x Maya Holmes

“I’ve always thought of myself as an adoptee…that’s the main part of my identity.” – Maya Holmes

Maya’s birth mother was deliberate in ensuring that her adoptive parents were Black. She recognized that it was necessary for her child to see representation of herself within her family. As Maya matured and the time came time to really dig deep into what it meant to be adopted, there wasn’t a community that supported that need to explore the intersections of all aspects of her identity. It left her asking “Where is the community for Black adoptees?”

We feel you, Maya. We’ve been asking that same question!!!

While some adoptees may find themselves in loving homes and raised in what may seem like the best of circumstances, this still doesn’t minimize that longing of wanting to know where you came from. A search and reunion process doesn’t mean that you’ve somehow been healed and that the elapsed time spent away from your biological family is suddenly erased. While the stopwatch begins, one can’t help but to reflect on what’s been lost.

THIS is why Black adoptees require a space to share and support one another around our unique experiences. While Black Adoptees adopted by Black adopted parents (BABP) appear to be an anomaly, they really aren’t. And while our fellow Black adoptees who have been adopted transracially have a plethora of support groups to choose from, the BABP is left to go it alone.

NOT ON OUR WATCH!

Listen in to S1E12 available on your favorite podcast platform right now!

Reach out to us and share your ideas on how we can build our community as Black Adoptees adopted by Black Parents (BABP).

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

· Black Adoption Collective

· Black Adult Adoptee Alliance

· Black Adoption Matters

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Feb 12, 202133:00
S1E11: "You don't want to sacrifice yourself trying to be accepted" x Christina Lopez-Pegg

S1E11: "You don't want to sacrifice yourself trying to be accepted" x Christina Lopez-Pegg

"I love my story...Maybe this is something that can make somebody think or help somebody." – Christina Lopez-Pegg

As a biracial adoptee, born to a white mother and a Black father, Christina Lopez-Pegg was taught from a young age that she didn't have to choose a side. Instead, she could choose HERSELF. Christina gives thanks that, "my parents always raised me to be me...I never felt that I needed to pick Black or white." Raised by an African-American mother and a Black and Hispanic father, the mantra that was passed on to Christina and her siblings was "no race is better than another." Christina found comfort in identifying with all the pieces of her heritage - Black, white, Polish and more.

However, just because she didn't feel the need to choose a side doesn't mean life and society didn't try to choose for her. She experienced the isolation of being the only one who looked like her throughout school as a child and a hurtful lesson rooted in Black colorism.

Christina's story and this conversation invites us to explore the possibilities in self-acceptance. When it comes to the search for identity, perhaps we should look no further than full acceptance of all that we are: the known, unknown and everything in between. 

Take a listen to S1E11 available on your favorite podcast platform right now!

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#BTTBREADS: Climbing Life's Mountains: Overcoming Challenges of Biracial Birth, Adoption, Gender Identity, and Depression by Jala A. McKenzie-Burns

#BTTBREADS: 50 Shades of Brown: Mixed Kids and Colorism in the Black Community


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Feb 05, 202147:31
S1E10: "Sometimes, as women, we do dumb shit." x Chana Timms

S1E10: "Sometimes, as women, we do dumb shit." x Chana Timms

“You don't have to walk in shame anymore. You don't have to feel guilty.”  – Chana Timms

Humor us, for a minute, by singing along with Bobby Caldwell’s song - What You Won’t Do for Love.”

What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you won't give up
In my world, only you make me do
For love what I would not do
Make me do for love what I would not do.

Chana’s faith and unwavering love for her daughter reinforces that a child being gone, does not mean that they are forgotten. Time may have elapsed, but it’s highly possible to reunite and be present in the here and now. The courage to tell the truth and give her daughter the full story of how she came into existence was one of the best gifts that she could have given.

The birth mother’s story, much like their children, is complex. It is often judged, ridiculed, and picked apart by a lack of understanding. What is lost in this misunderstanding is that the choices that were made in the past are not to be held over these women. Like a lot of decisions, we choose what we believe to be best at the time. Sometimes, our decisions are coerced – either forcefully or based on our own sense of self and worth at the time.

Birth mothers and their children are aligned in their healing process. When birth mothers/adoptees engage in a search and reunion, the process may be eased when both parties are open and willing to communicate and be transparent about their emotions. When we don’t give ourselves permission to acknowledge our past trauma(s) they may manifest themselves in a myriad of ways that are detrimental to us showing up in life as our very best selves.

Episode 10 begs us to answer the following question(s) – What will you do for love? What are you willing to sacrifice in order to heal?

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Jan 30, 202158:03
S1E9: "Our bodies are policed as Black people" x Regina Townsend, Founder of Broken Brown Egg

S1E9: "Our bodies are policed as Black people" x Regina Townsend, Founder of Broken Brown Egg

"This is bigger than babies.” – Regina Townsend

Little Black Girls are told to follow the blueprint: don't have sex, focus on your education, then focus on your career, get married, and THEN start a family. Easy! We're taught to control our fass-tailed bodies, inundated with messages about hypersexual and hyper-fertile Black teenage mothers. But no one tells us about how our bodies work; about fibroids and miscarriages and infertility. No one told Regina Townsend. No one told her that she could follow the blueprint perfectly and it would result in her feeling imperfect. Broken, in fact. 

Regina's journey to motherhood began as a long, dark and lonely road, but along the way she discovered she wasn't alone. The more she talked, finding her voice through blogging about her experiences with infertility, reproductive health, adoption and foster care, the more light was shined on a whole secret sisterhood of Black women living with pain and shame.

"Black women suffer with infertility at twice the rate of white women, but we're least likely to seek treatment because we're embarrassed." We're also tired of being dismissed by doctors, poked and prodded by doctors, and experimented on by them, as so many of our foremothers were. The Broken Brown Egg blog has since grown into a platform for Regina to advocate for Black women's reproductive justice and healing. 

This conversation explores the many layers of reproductive health, life and motherhood that so many of us had to learn the hard way. THEY aren't coming to teach us. Press play - class is in session.

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RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

The Broken Brown Egg Website

#BTTBREADS: Hold On to Hope: Stories of Black Women's Fertility, Faith and Fight to Become Mommies

Fertility for Colored Girls (FFCG)

Fertility Coaching with Rev. Dr. Stacey L. Edwards-Dunn (Founder of FFCG)


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Jan 22, 202101:06:39
S1E8: "They know...That I know... What it really is... " x Jonathan Funderburk

S1E8: "They know...That I know... What it really is... " x Jonathan Funderburk

"Keep it real…” – Jonathan Funderburk

As simple as these three words may seem, keepin’ it 100% can have lasting effects on adoptees. Advocates of open adoption believe informing children about their adoption status as soon as possible is in the best interest of the child. However, Jonathan Funderburk shares that for him, ignorance may have been bliss.

Jonathan grew up in a Black family alongside his older sister, who was also adopted. His community and church home were anomalies, in that the Black Adoption Experience was not a secret or shameful. In fact, it was commonplace! This didn’t mean that the impact of his adoption was not ever present as he navigated identity issues and how to become a man.

We learn that checking ON you, is not the same as checking FOR you. While some adoptive parents may feel as if lavishing their child(ren) with material things serves as a replacement for the separation from one’s biological tie, it’s not enough. Getting to know your child’s likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams will allow for you to nurture their nature. Providing guidance and tough love may really be the key to showing that you care.

Join us as we explore love, search and reunion, parenthood, and mental health. It's not easy for a Black man to say “I needed therapy a long time ago.” By publicly sharing his story and listening to others, this artist and writer is committed to his healing and is unapologetically “doing my own journey.”

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Therapy for Black Men

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

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Jan 15, 202148:47
S1E7: " This is what you damn well signed up for " x Trey Anthony, Author of Black Girl in Love (with Herself)

S1E7: " This is what you damn well signed up for " x Trey Anthony, Author of Black Girl in Love (with Herself)

"Falling apart is such a level of vulnerability that I think, as Black women, we have never been given permission to have." - Trey Anthony

When Trey Anthony got "the call" to bring home her son - a dream come true after several heartbreaking adoption attempts - she never imagined her dream would include the love of her life ending their five year relationship (over text!), nearly ending up homeless, and raising her beautiful baby boy as a first time mother solo (and in a damn pandemic!). 

She wasn't prepared for the postpartum depression, or the feelings of insecurity, fear and jealousy that arose while honoring her commitment to parent in an open adoption. For the first time she had to take a hard look at all of her friendships, her family, her finances, her career, and what she truly wanted out of life. Falling apart in the midst of grief and struggle is not what she was raised to do, but in the surrender she learned some of her greatest lessons and fell in love again - with herself. 

This conversation takes you behind the scenes of some of the most pivotal life moments and lessons found in her new book, Black Girl In Love (with Herself), published by Hay House, and what's helped her heal her own Black girl pain. Black Girl in Love is a love letter to Black women. In 2021, we're coming for ALLLLL the love and Trey reminds us to accept nothing less!


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#BTTBREADS  Black Girl in Love (with herself) by Trey Anthony 

Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin (memoir)

All Families Are Special by Norma Simon (children's book)


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Jan 08, 202157:03
S1E6: "I think I've learned to live with lies" x Ami McReynolds

S1E6: "I think I've learned to live with lies" x Ami McReynolds

"Don't go digging because it's only going to cause problems." – Ami McReynolds

One lie, two lies, three lies, FOUR! Since the age of seven, the precocious and inquisitive Ami McReynolds could sense that she had a story that was not being told to her. Deep in the crevices of linen closets and hidden baby books were the roadmap to her past, her truth, as an individual that was adopted.

Like most children, when we have questions, trust is placed in our caregivers to provide us with the answers we need. Because we don’t know any different, we ACCEPT what is told to us. However, every five to six years of Ami’s life, she would get that nagging feeling in her gut that something just wasn’t quite right. When she would address these questions with her parents, they would be “settled,” with an omission of truth or blatant elaboration of it.

Once Ami reached her 20’s, she’s then told one of the most damaging lies that any young woman might hear about a parent. For two decades, she holds onto this lie until she steps into her own power to search for what is owed to her – THE TRUTH! What does she find? Listen to find out.

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For Illinois Residents

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Dec 18, 202046:52
S1E5: "I will not value one of them over the next. They both are my moms" x Quandra Boston

S1E5: "I will not value one of them over the next. They both are my moms" x Quandra Boston

"If my mother lit me on fire, I would still want my mother...my connection to my mom cannot be broken." - Quandra Boston/Ashley Pickens

It's one thing to believe in theory that the mother and child bond can never be broken, but it's another when missing links feel so deeply the chain from which they came. Since the age of 3, Quandra Boston has been asking, "Where's my mommy?" She's felt her presence and smelled her scent since she was a little girl and always believed that one day her mommy was coming back for her. Quandra's own journey to motherhood led her to her first mother and another hidden woman:  Ashley Pickens - the name her birth mother gave her...and still calls her. Today, she lives within the dualities of loving two mothers and living two identities inside of one life. Whew chile! Quandra's story is a fantastical ride through search and reunion. 

They say nothing is stronger than a mother's love, but this story begs you to consider the possibility that nothing is stronger than an adoptee's love for their first home. 

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#BTTBREADS The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Newton Verrier 


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Dec 11, 202050:17
S1E4: "You should be able to say, fuck. Shit. Goddamn. I'm tired." x Christopher LeMark

S1E4: "You should be able to say, fuck. Shit. Goddamn. I'm tired." x Christopher LeMark

"Since the age of 15, I have allowed unresolved trauma to run my life." – Christopher LeMark

Christopher LeMark takes us on his journey to manhood, allowing us to feel the struggle and heartache of a little boy that simply wanted to be seen and loved. We gain a glimpse into the child welfare system that so many Black people are fearful of.  It is this very fear that has served as the catalyst for Black families informally adopting their kin. However, blood relatives may not always be in the child’s best interest. At the hands of his own family, Christopher endured physical, mental, and emotional abuse. His isolation and anger had him bound to be a statistic. But God! Christopher’s ability to tap into his imagination, express himself through writing and music, have built a foundation of resilience. Today, he is channeling his life experience and passions into his nonprofit organization – Coffee, Hip-Hop, and Mental Health where he seeks to normalize therapy.

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Find a Therapistlocate a mental health professional in your city to receive therapeutic services

Donate or Volunteer – support CHHAMH to provide 500 Miracles on Christmas Eve 2020!

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Dec 04, 202001:11:39
S1E3: "God told us adoption is not plan B" x Darren & Chantal Smith
Nov 27, 202050:58