Luke, Matt and Tim continue their quest for knowledge, for power, for glory and honour on the terrific game Zork. Many twist and turns along the way, a surprising plot twist which no one expected. They don't make games like they used to. Join us in what is most likely the finally of the Zork saga.
Luke, Matt and Tim are back in the wonderful world of Zork! In part 1 we die by killing ourselves with a sword. In part 2 we die because a troll hit us on the head. Only Zork knows how the three of us will die at the end of this episode. So if you enjoyed listened to the previous two episodes of a character walking around trying to eat, lick and break everything they see then you are going to enjoy this episode even more!
Join us Luke, Matt and Tim as we continue this exciting retro adventure! Last time we wondered if we could commit suicide, turns out we could with a glowing sword. Instead of continuing our adventure, we started again! This is really like part 1 all over again, but we get further than the first episode so maybe it is part 1.5. Regardless we push on. So please come and join us as we play an 80s video game which we are now addicted to.
Any 80s kid might know about this little gem of a game, Zork. Unfortunately, Luke, Matt and Tim are all 90s kids and never got the chance to play such games. So we downloaded the game published by Infocom and decided we would play through and describe everything in detail to you, the listener. So sit back, relax and listen to the first part of the first Zork game. What do you mean you can't lick everything?
Are you, like Luke, Matt and Tim stuck in lockdown during BBQ season and are just bored of doing things the traditional way, you know, like on a BBQ? Well fear not, we have solved this problem for you by reinventing the BBQ! That's right! We are here to reignite your passion for the humble BBQ. We want to inspire everyone to go into their back gardens and create something delicious. Don't have a back garden, have no fear, this works anywhere is an guaranteed to be a safe alternative to a BBQ. Warning: we take no responsibility for any damage to self, others or property if you decide to go through with this IRL. We will, however, take responsibility for people having a good time and enjoying a great BBQ in less time than it takes to light a fuse.
Whilst Luke, Matt and Tim have been locked up inside they have turned their attention to something which will no longer be the same, no not that, you dirty dog! The Olympics. So we have rectified this situation and created an Olympics which will rival that of the real Olympics. In my head, I can hear Matt say "This is the real Olympics", sure Matt, sure. Everything from quarantine javelin and shot put to the relay race and the COVID-19 chase. I am sure this will take off and if you want to join in, you can! It is free and amazing and we hope to see you at the opening ceremony with your matches at the ready.
Luke, Matt and Tim are still stuck inside like the rest of you. So they take this opportunity to talk about what life will be like once we are all able to wander the streets free as a bird. We also forget to talk about this at the start and talk about Matt's new haircut for 10 minutes and Mrs Matt makes a cameo to force Matt to wear a hat, it does not end well. Hope you enjoy the hovercars in the outside world.
Luke, Matt and Tim managed to make it to the episode you have all been patiently waiting for. The one where we finally become some super filthy naughty boys. The 69th episode and we talk all things sex. It is great and well-informed information about all things sex. We don't mean to kink shame but maybe not we discover not everything is for everyone, not even robot alien on human action. Warning, this episode gets hot hot hot!
The concluding conclusion of the hilarious 3 part series where Matt leads Luke and Tim on a pirate-themed adventure. Last time we finished the adventure Luke and Tim had taken over the ship and for whatever reason, with the help of an alien, sent Matts head back in time to be on the island in a fridge. Now Luke and Tim feel compelled to find out why there was a mutiny in the first place! Will they manage to wrap up the story in a satisfying way? Will Matt introduce several more keys which lead to nowhere and serve no purpose? Definitely. Enjoy this gripping conclusion.
Last time on the Blank String podcast, Matt started some mad ramblings and Luke and Tim ended up surviving a desert island, this time they start where they left off on a ship with no plan or goal in mind other than to cause mayhem and chaos. Don't worry if you don't remember what happened last time, because we certainly don't remember and I am pretty sure a lot changed. If you love pirates, crane, aliens time travel or insane plot then don't miss the next part of another wacky adventure!
Oh No! Luke and Tim have suddenly found themselves washed on a desert island, with no hope and no one to help them. Is this a dessert as in the geographical place or the meal? Will Tim burn things like he always does? Will Luke do something inappropriate? Do they both tear Matt a new one as he tries to weave a foreboding and intricate story with plot twists and turns? Listen to the crazy antics as Matt takes Luke and Tim on a tour of possible cabin fever (not the horror movie, more like the Muppets song).
That's right, Tim is going on holiday (again) and we decided to help him relax and not have to worry about people who might want to ruin his time away. Anyone can do something simple like... carry a gun, but we at Blank String like to believe there is a better solution, possibly more violent solution. So what suggestions do Luke, Matt and Tim come up with to help protect him, Kirsty (the wife) and his possessions? Tune in and find out. Don't forget to share this podcast with your friends, we can be found on most podcast platforms, including Spotify.
Luke, Matt and Tim have just about enough of being heckled and abused on the streets. How do we solve this? Secret service of course! If famous people can hire people to jump in front of a bullet to save them then why can't we? Why stop there? How do we improve this? I still don't know but somehow we do and it costs nothing! Also, if you want to hear some personal accounting advice skip to around 34 mins to hear Matt and Tim talk about money, if you aren't interested just skip around 10 mins of that discussion ;)
Luke, Matt and Tim bring in the new year with a bang. They get together to design the greatest theme park anyone has ever seen. Failing that they make one which makes tons of money. Failing that they make one which has people coming back for more. Failing that they make a hilarious episode with typical Blank String antics.
Previously on Blank String... Ash's Pikachu had written a letter to Santa and Ash did not understand. So Pikachu went to the Pokemon Bureau of Pokemon (or some ridiculous name like that) to get help from Matt as Psyduck and Tim as Snorlax, to take his letter to Santa. Jynx, dressed as a drunk Santa at the bar in a Pokemon centre tells them where to find him. Snorlax, Psyduck and Pikachu steal a truck, GTA style and make their way to the North Pole (or where ever Santa lives in the Pokemon World).
Now we are all caught up, Matt shut your browser down and focus, Matt... Matt!!!!! Fine, let's continue regardless. Will Snorlax and Psycuk deliver the letter? Will they save Xmas for this small innocent Pikachu? Will Matt follow along with the story? Will Tim find more ways to burn things despite not being a fire Pokemon? Answers to these and more!
Have a happy holiday everyone!
Oh My Gosh! Did you play the new Pokemon yet? Luke and Tim have and are super excited about the game and feel the urge to tell Matt all about the amazing features of this game. After, what can only be seen as a concise and amazing review of Pokemon Luke starts Matt and Tim on their next Pokemon adventure cross annual Xmas episode. Get ready for cheap thrills, spills and a suspect Jynx as they aim to help Pikachu deliver his letter to Santa.
Matt, Luke and Tim are all avid gamers and nothing excites them more than knocking out a quick round of Wii golf or banging some zombie flesh with their shotguns. So let's take a bit of a break from tradition and just have a relaxed episode of 3 dudes who are all pretty much the same age talk about some of the favourite gaming memories and how it all started.
Apologies for the audio, Luke could not get access to his normal mic. Hopefully you will enjoy it all the same.
Luke, Matt and Tim have just about had enough of the country they are in. So many things could easily be improved. Instead of working on those things and trying to make their current situation better for themselves and everyone else, they start their own country. So it turns out that starting a country is not all that difficult, especially if these 3 clowns can work it out. We look forward to reading your application to join.
Matt takes the helm of HMS Blank String and takes the boys on a wild adventure which is about as well planned out as this synopsis. Luke & Tim are a pair of humble bakers with suspiciously vague living arrangements, but when a mysterious stranger visits their bakery their lives are about to change forever! Who? What? Why? Where? And possibly other questions. It's Blank String!
The final epic show down between Godzilla and Pollozilla. Who will become the new best Godzilla? Listen to how Matt continues to mess around with the rules in order to almost make the episode going over into another episode. Also, how Tim, with his classic "burn all the things" attitude, goes ahead and burns all the things. This one is a wild ride!
Not the movie, that is something else. I heard it is better, but who has time verify? In the meantime, Luke has asked Matt and Tim to be God Father to his latest edition to his family. But who is going to be the better God Father? After a series of gruelling scenarios, we have an answer. I would go so far as to say that they are role models to all God Fathers.
Let me set the scene for you:
Everyone in Theo's family has died in a horrible skiing accident. One of those where you wear a parachute and jump off a cliff; but at the last minute a moose gets in the way and drags you over another cliff and you land in a boat which sails you down some rapids, only to find that you are in a cave. Grrrr! What's that a bear? OH NO! Now a bear is mauling you and you run, holding your dislodged eye in your hand. Then some tourists see you and they are like "how's it going, are you a local?" and you scream in their face "help, help I am dying" and they laugh and say "well come with us, friend". Turns out they are not tourists, they are in fact killer gorillas in human skin outfits. They skin you alive and leave you to dry out with the other humans, then suddenly you are saved by a travelling circus. Because no one knows who you are and you are so traumatised they call you "the man with no skin" and make loads of from your horrible state. Then suddenly you see a woman across the room, you think she is into you and you offer to buy her a drink, turns out it was the bear and he mauls you again Grrr!. You know. Also, everyone else died whilst waiting for you to get back.
The bit you have all been waiting for, the final showdown. In this epic twist, Luke accidentally ticked off Godzilla, and now Matt and Tim have to pay the price? That's right, they jettison to the moon and cook up Pollozilla to put an end Godzilla. It is the glorious last part of... Nope, Matt and Tim took their time as usual coming up with ways to mess around with Luke's rich story and try their hardest to find ways to ultimately mess with the mechanics. Want to see what happens when Godzilla gets a prostate examination using hot hot sauce? Well listen to the end to find out!
In the previous episode Luke, Matt and Tim created their very own Godzilla. It is possibly going to be the greatest Godzilla anyone has ever seen. However in order to prepare for the next episode the gang design a base which will withstand the real Godzilla. I am sure everyone going to Area 51 will want see some of the many defences we have come up with, and if they don't you could get them to listen to this episode. Honestly I am pretty sure they are going to want to upgrade all their services to use Blank String the ultimate defence system.
Luke, Matt and Tim take on one of the greatest and well known monsters from cinematic history. In this first part they analyse, with expert precision, what makes a great Godzilla. Failing that they then design a Godzilla of their own in preparation to stop the end of the world from a rampaging oversized lizard!
Luke, Matt and Tim rack their brains to come up with the greatest start ups of all time. Well at least Matt and Tim give it a good go, who knows what Luke was on during this episode. If you are either a Shark or a Dragon I suggest you take a cheeky listen and invest hard and fast now before we it is too late.
Labour is horrible and 66.667% of the men on this podcast have previously been involved in process. But 100% of the men on this podcast say "now is the time to improve child labour". Introducing the new and improved child labour, it's quick, it's painless and it is risk free! What is it? Well listen and find out how Luke, Matt and Tim work out the next iteration of child labour. Parents-to-be, you're welcome!
Luke, Matt and Tim discuss the last season of Game of Thrones. This episode was recorded early into the season (after episode 2) but will be released well after the last episode has aired. You will be amazed how accurate these three rad dudes are. I mean, especially Matt who was most probably the closest to what actually happened. You will listen to the nonsense that he says and think "what an idiot, that is a dumb ending, no one would want to watch that". That said if D&D had of told everyone the actual ending they would of said the exact same thing.
Tim gets a new bed or something like that. It's not important because after help from Matt and Luke they design the perfect sleeping conditions. So if you have been awake for too long and need a night of sleep, just implement the solution we have for you and you will soon be in the land of Nod. Or just listen to this episode, it's an either/or situation.
Luke, Matt and Tim want a slice of the blockbuster super hero movie franchise. They take it upon themselves to create the greatest super hero franchise ever and show that is easy to do! Introducing Sauce Man, or was it Source Dude? Now let the money rain in.
After an extra long series of yet another baking competition Luke claims that Blank String can do a better job. So together with Matt and Tim, they design a cooking competition like no one has ever seen. It's dangerous, it's thrilling, it also has a bonus rounds where humans step aside and dogs take over as chefs. What more could you want?
Did you know Tim loves bikes? It's hard to believe he is not in a biker gang. This episode addresses that very issue as Luke, Matt, and Tim create a biker gang making all other biker gangs look like a toddler daycare in comparison.
Luke, Matt and Tim are such super mega fans of Pokemon and are the right age to be too old to play a kids game about 10 year children running around and violently attacking people that they simply don't like the look of. It sound like something we invented, but we didn't. In anycase, we are excited and here are some predictions for the upcoming Pokemon Sword and Shield games!
Luke, repulsed by everyone in his office during lunchtime and requires help from Matt and Tim to solve his problem. Hey desk neighbour... did you just pick his nose? AND EAT IT!!! I am retching thinking about this description. Enjoy!
Luke, Matt and Tim finish the epic battle with the Champions Dragonite and now the Champion is ready to reveal the ultimate secret in Pokemon. How do they do it? What tools do they use? What position do the Pokemon take when undertaking such tasks? Who knows? Who cares? But in this episode (about 5 episodes late, thanks Matt and Tim) we find out and end the Pokemon Saga.
Matt and Tim continue their Pokemon adventure guided by Luke and start in the midst of an epic battle against 2 Pikachus. Will Charmeleon leave anything unburnt? Will Haunter actually deal some damage? Will the Professor survive? Listen now to find out.
Last Xmas Luke, Matt and Tim didn't get presents so they went on a crazy, no holds bar adventure which, may or may not have resulted in the death of Santa. Don't worry about it though, we are replacing Santa this year with an even better version of Santa. Santa 2.0 if you will.
Luke, Matt and Tim continue on their adventure with Haunter, Charmeleon and Gyarados in order to discover how Pokemon eggs are made. Expect epics fights, genius strategizing and in true Blank String format, lots of procrastination.
Luke, Matt and Tim take on the role of the worlds most powerful monsters in order to solve one of the least understood issues, also someone is a Magikarp, Matt resorts to blackmail and Tim burns things. Yet another well rounded and thought out episode.
Matt and Tim play the role of Marty and travel back to 1888 in order to find out what Mad Dog knows. Does he like Nandos chicken? Does he like super hot sauce? What does he think of when he hears the name Nandos? Tune in and find out.
Caught between two worlds Matt and Tim find themselves yet in another precarious situation, only this time they have to try and prove their innocence instead of destroying everything and everyone. Nah, let's just mess around with time travel.
Bena and Blep finally get to the Chamber of secrets. Will they make it through alive? Will they remember to save the school from certain doom? Will they have to eat all the goods before making it to the finish line?
A magic car, spiders on a plane and some angry frog-horse-dude. Are you sure we haven't smoked some of that elusive hallucinogenic? Join Luke, Matt and Tim as they try to save Hogwarts from the brink an orgy self-destruction.
Luke, Matt and Tim go on another quest. To the world of witchcraft and wizardary. As usual Matt and Tim mess everything up and now everyone wants to kill each other. Tune in to find out how our heros get into and out of another mess.
Luke, Matt and Tim find themselves in a dire situation. They are trapped in Blackpool, surrounded by all sides by drunken men and women enjoying their festivities (how revolting!). How are they going to save themselves from this predicament? Tune in and find out.
Luke, Matt and Tim are faced with yet another difficult challenge. Imagine it is the end of the world, what would be the last thing you buy? What will they choose? Will they understand the situation? My bet is, they won't.
Posed with several kinds of time travel what would you do? Want to become rich? Yes! Want to stop WWII? You bet! Want to mess with people and see what happens when you start time again? What? Tune in and listen to Tim, Matt and Luke as they misuse time travel for benign reasons.
How hard can it be to make a Disney? As it turns out not very. How hard is it to make a good one with an engaging story, lovable characters and emotive dialog? Listen in and found out how close we get.
Join Luke, Matt and Tim for a monumentous ocassion. Luke pops the big question in this episode. To whom? What question? Why am I so excited? Tune in and find out all the answers to these questions and more.
The road to Luketopia is writhe with dispair and misery. But hey! There is a happy ending. Find out what is going to happen to us all once we press the big red button which will reset the world for the better.