B Movie Breakdown is a weekly podcast where we find humor and enjoyment in awesomely bad films of the past and present. Home of the good, the bad and the WTF. Each week’s movie will be revealed on the prior episode, so you too can join in on the madness!
We knew when we wanted to do a month of Barbarian Movie Breakdown that we would run into at least one film that would scream #MeToo. Well, Deathstalker definitely breaks the bank with the most #MeToo moments of them all. In this 1983 barbarian classic, a warrior named Deathstalker (yes that's his name) is tasked by an old witch to obtain and unite the three powers of creation before the evil magician Munkar can get them and use them for nefarious purposes.
We've teased it in the past and now it's finally time to transform B Movie Breakdown into Barbarian Movie Breakdown for the entire month of November. The year is 2021 AD. Women have been enslaved by a brutal army of men who survived the nuclear holocaust. Their only hope for freedom is in the hands of a nomadic band of fierce she-warriors: The Sisterhood!
We close out our full month of all new horror films, in celebration of Halloween, with Slaughter Drive. This film was sent to us by writer/director/actor Ben Dietels, of the podcast Neon Brainiacs, and follows a failed filmmaker as he leaves his video camera in a local park overnight and accidentally records something horrific. To top it off it might have something to do with his new neighbors that moved into his quiet suburban neighborhood.
WARNING: This episode contains spoilers for Halloween (2018). Continuing our theme of all new horror movies for the month of October, this week we went to the cinema to see the brand new HALLOWEEN. Does this film stand tall as the best sequel to the original Halloween or does it just fall short along with the other mediocre sequels of the past? You'll just have to listen to the episode to find out.
This week on the podcast we discuss a movie that is far too good for this show. Yet another absolutely fantastic brand new horror movie that many people might not even be aware of. Summer Of 84 is a true horror gem from the masterminds behind Turbo Kid, a film that takes the serial killer film and takes it to the next level. It’s rare that two weeks in a row we give the movie we watched such praise, but when you have such quality such as this it’s hard not to.
This week all hell has broken loosemduring our October horror-a-thon as we witnessed a bloody killing spree motivated by an evil as old as time in Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich. This is easily one of the best horror films we have seen in a long time and hope after listening to this episode everyone experiences it for themselves.
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? ARE THOSE PROPELLORS ON A SEVERED HEAD? IS THIS A HORROR MOVIE? A CHRISTMAS MOVIE? A MOVIE AT ALL? These questions and more will invade your mind if you ever have the opportunity to experience Camp Death 3 in 2D. A wacky, bizarre, unnerving, disturbing, sometimes hilarious but often times expectation shattering feature that you are absolutely not ready for. Part parody, part tragedy, get ready to have an emotional breakdown in this B Movie Breakdown as we emerge ourselves in the world of director Matt Frame's cinematic catastrophe.
What happens when your lead actor demands to be paid $8 million dollars, does $10,000 worth of coke a week, and has an affair with one of his co-stars? You get the 1994 video game movie classic Street Fighter, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Raúl Juliá. While most people put this movie down, we couldn't help but show it the praise it truly deserves. From Raúl Juliá's amazing performance as M. Bison to the wonderful character arc of Zangief, this movie offers way more than people give it credit for.
It’s rare that you watch a movie that seems as if it could be an original idea and then halfway through becomes a clone of a current box office hit. Well that’s what happened in this week’s movie, the 1993 Moon Beam Entertainment classic Remote; which evolves into a crappy Home Alone clone when it could have easily just been it’s own thing. Oddly enough, this film shares two villains from Prehysteria!, the film discussed in last week’s episode, but is not related to it in any way even though it’s the same production company behind both films.
This week in our month of pure nostalgia, we went on an adventure 65 million years in the making to discuss the dinosaur classic Prehysteria! The dinosaur film that shaped our childhoods more than any other dinosaur film on the 1990’s. When a young boy and his family discover some mysterious eggs, which hatch to reveal a brood of baby dinosaurs, the real adventure truly begins. Brought to you by Cool Guy Coolers.
This week begins a month of pure nostalgia on the podcast. And before we dive too far back into our youth, we have decided to time travel exactly one year ago when we discussed Miami Connection. This movie holds a special place in our hearts here on this podcast, so much so that we have decided, exactly one year later, to yet again revisit Miami Connection and introduce it to some new blood yet again. Last year was Nick's first experience with Miami Connection and this year past guest Pat Lorky joins us for a 2nd annual viewing of a B Movie masterpiece. If you haven't seen this movie, please do yourself a favor and check it out.
ERASER is a forgotten Schwarzenegger gem that has sadly been ERASED from the memories of most. If the memory hasn't been completely ERASED, then usually people only remember the CGI alligators and this being a "bad" Arnold movie. But maybe their memories have been ERASED and replaced with cynical snobby thoughts, because ERASER is actually a solid action flick full of explosions, conspiracies, twists, turns, and plenty of classic Arnold quotes to keep you entertained throughout.
Summer is coming to an end which means it's back to school with the B Movie Breakdown, as we discuss Kindergarten Cop 2! That's right folks, the sequel no one ever wanted to the beloved Arnold Schwarzenegger classic but this time starring Dolph Lundgren and Bill Bellamy. Grab your backpacks and lunchboxes because school is back in session!
Well folks, we made it to 200 episodes and it took this long to finally visit a movie that trumps Mac & Me in being the worst E.T. rip off of all time. Most people tend to forget all about MUNCHIE, until they see his stupid ugly face with Dom DeLuise's voice spewing out of it and then remember why they forgot in the first place. Not only is this movie often forgotten, but it is also forgotten that this is actually a "sequel" to the film Munchies; sequel being used in the loosest sense possible. If you too would like to enjoy MUNCHIE you can find it in full on YouTube at the moment and then on bluray this coming November courtesy of Shout Factory.
Last week, Waxwork provided us with a look inside a window to a world of endless possibilities when it comes to a sequel. Hell, we even discussed the possibilities of how a Waxwork television series would work so well based solely off the first movie. Well folks, Waxwork II took that window and slammed it right in our faces. Maybe someone out there can tell us what happened with this sequel and what was even going on.
When a waxwork museum and a mysterious man appear out of nowhere to invite you and your friends to come to a special showing, you totally go right? Little did you know that once inside, the exhibits come alive and the viewer is sucked into the story being portrayed! This sounds like that would probably be the entire movie, but this one took us by surprise and offered so much more!
It took 197 episodes but we have finally broken the record for most #WYTO moments in one movie. There were so many in this weeks movie that we couldn’t even keep up with the count. Unfortunately most of these #WYTO moments were more on the forced side than the hey lets have a good time side. Barbarian Queen was exactly what we thought it would be, nothing more and nothing less all packed into an hour and ten minutes.
Well folks, it’s been a while since we watch a true piece of garbage movie but we just couldn’t stay away. It’s not like the poster or trailer for this movie didn’t already give us plenty of warning signs, we knew what we were getting into. If you have seen every Kaiju style monster movie and just need to see one more….spare yourself the torture and don’t watch Reptilian (aka Yonggary) on Amazon Prime Video.
When monster babies are on a holiday. They don’t know any words to say. All the things that come to you. And they wanna feel it too. On an island in the sun. They’ll be murdering and having fun. And it makes them feel so fine, they can’t control their brains. Hip hip.
This week on the podcast it's the ultimate debate: do we kill these monster babies or do we let them live as one of us? Which side do our hosts take? Answers to these questions and more as we discuss the sequel to It's Alive, It Lives Again aka It's Alive 2! Subscribe, Rate, & Review On Apple Podc.... This item has files of the following types: Archive BitTorrent, Columbia Peaks, JPEG Thumb, Metadata, Ogg Vorbis, PNG, Spectrogram, VBR MP3
In anticipation of Nick being out of town, we recorded a little half episode to keep the content flowing. In this half shake, we discuss E3 2018, video game movies, E.T. ripoffs and so much more. We will back with a full episode next week continuing our deep dive into the IT’S ALIVE trilogy!
Frank and Lenore Davis are headed to the hospital for the birth of their second child — which turns out to be a mutant who kills many doctors and nurses as it escapes. Convinced his monstrous son must be destroyed, Frank ignores Lenore’s plea and tries to destroy the freakish offspring, unaware that the infant may be the innocent product of an experimental drug gone wrong. This is the ONE film you should NOT see alone.
This week we look at the past to get a glimpse towards the future. A B Movie classic that shows us that putting robots in charge is fine. It’s all fine. Nothing to worry about. Chopping Mall is ready to rock your world.
For two guys who do a B Movie podcast, it’s rare to come by a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie we haven’t seen. But leave it to our faithful listeners to find such a movie and a very weird one at that. Just as JCVD started losing some steam with duds like Double Team and Universal Soldier: The Return, he starred in one of his first direct to video features, Inferno (aka Desert Heat). This is not only a very weird movie that starts off with a very serious tone and ends up being a comedy of sorts, but it also has Pat Morita spew out a line I never thought I would hear him say.
Little did we know that when we watched Martial Law last week we would be in store for a sequel even more action packed than the first one. If there was ever a movie that was literally a side scrolling beat ’em up video game, then this movie would definitely be it. Do yourself a favor and check out both of these awesome 90’s action flicks if you have Amazon Prime.
If this weeks movie, Martial Law, gave us anything, it was introducing us to 90’s straight to video action babe Cynthia Rothrock. Not only does she steal the show in this film, but she kicks plenty of ass while doing so. Maybe her on screen boyfriend, Sean, could have shined more if he spent more time kicking ass and less time trying to prove how tough he was. Also, David Carradine gives a stellar performance proving once again how truly underrated he was as an actor.
This week on the podcast, Corey digs up a favorite from his youth that he felt was so far forgotten it was worthy of the B Movie label. That forgotten favorite just so happens to be the 1996 Judd Apatow comedy Celtic Pride starring Daniel Stern, Dan Aykroyd and Damon Wayans. What will happen when two obsessed Celtic fans kidnap their opponent’s star player in order to guarantee their team the NBA championship? Tune in to this weeks episode to find out!
If you know anything about the CIA, you are already more knowledgeable than anyone who made this movie. Imagine playing “guns” or cops & robbers with your friends as a kid. You don’t know the difference between the police, FBI and CIA. Then you sit down in your room later that day and write an idea for a movie in your journal. Later in life you find that old journal and decide to make that movie come to life. This is that movie and the juice is loose.
A movie truly deserving of a cult following that has yet to find one, the Granny satisfies in ways you never thought it could. Excrutiating family drama is turned on its head when when a possessed grandmother comes back from the dead and executes her own breed of excruciating revenge on those who wronged her, and those who helped her! Curses, undead monsters, shotguns and babes, The Granny is a movie any horror fan should experience.
We were recently reminded of a podcast favorite when director Luca Bercovici contacted us in regards to Episode 18 of the podcast, in which we discussed the 1990 rock romantic comedy Rockula! Being reminded of this wonderful gem reminded us of two things: Nick has never seen this movie and it was recently released on blu-ray courtesy of Scream Factory. With such wonderful weirdness and a plethora of “WTF!” moments, this is one still remains one of our absolute favorites to breakdown. Get ready, because this movie is going to rock you…la!
Tune in this week for one wild ride. Crazy kids. Ambiguous ghosts. Deranged mothers, a fiery car crash and a drunk whose face is ripped clean off. This week’s movie is a listener suggestion, we really DO watch what you suggest. So grab your creepy doll, check yourself in to a nut house and get pumped for Cathy’s Curse.
Rounding out the Darkman trilogy is Darkman III: Die Darkman Die, a movie that honestly should have been the second film of the 3 instead of the last. Saving Durant’s return for the final movie would have been a much better reveal and this movie would have provided some insight as to what Darkman was up to in between II and III. Regardless, this is yet another great entry in to the Darkman series, proving once again how good the concept and movies really are. If you haven’t seen any of the Darkman films, we highly recommend you go check them out.
How does one survive a helicopter crash in which the helicopter smashes into the side of a bridge? What antics has Darkman been up to in the past 4 years? And how the hell does Darkman speak so well without having any lips?!? We attempt to answer these questions and more as we discuss Darkman II: The Return Of Durant. *Spoiler Warning* During a tangent, for those who have yet to see it, we give out some slight spoilers for Thor: Ragnarok; it is mentioned before it happens.
Before superhero movies reigned supreme at the box office, they were few and far between. Most are either fondly remembered or the butt of a joke, but one definitely remains forgotten…until now. That forgotten film happens to be Sam Raimi’s Darkman starring Liam Neeson and Frances McDormand. An original and out of control superhero film with that Sam Rami flair, deserving of more attention.
For whatever reason, ever since Hellbound: Hellraiser II, no one knows how to get this series right. Some entries in this series present good ideas, but with poor execution and no true understanding of the cenobites and the puzzlebox. Hellraiser: Judgment is no exception to this rule. It gives us a great new cenobite named The Auditor and introduces the Archangel Jophiel into the mix as well, but overall is just a boring crime thriller with a lackluster twist at the end. Maybe one day somebody will get Hellraiser right, but until then we will have to deal with these direct to video let downs.
Get ready for sex, babes and rock ‘n roll with another listener requested film this week, as well as the conclusion of the very very small streak of special guests while Nick is off working on a super secret special project. In this episode, Corey is joined by frequent guest Cody to discuss the 1990 film Ghoul School. When two “thugs” in search of hidden treasure accidentally unleash a chemical into the school’s water supply, everyone who comes into contact with it turns into flesh-eating ghouls!
Yet another listener requested film this week and also the start of a very very small streak of special guests while Nick is off working on a super secret special project. In this episode, Corey is joined by his lovely wife Kailee to discuss the 2007 horror film Dead Silence directed by James Wan. Beware the stare of Mary Shaw. She had no children only dolls. And if you see her in your dreams, be sure you never, ever scream.
We totally forgot that in this inspiring, action-packed story of a rag-tag team of young soccer players are some serious issues; including illegals and dead beat dads. But those hurdles won’t get in the way of The Big Green! With the help of their new teacher and the local sheriff, this soccer team restores their small town’s former glory when they go all-out and beat the odds of winning the state championship.
If The Suckling taught us one thing, it’s that humans are the real monsters. We are pretty sure while teaching us that, it tried really hard to also push a pro-life agenda in the midst of a mediocre horror movie. Set in a whorehouse / make-shift abortion clinic; a young woman reluctantly gets an abortion, only to have her aborted fetus become mutated and attack her, her boyfriend, and everyone else at the “clinic”.
There is always one movie every year that, when you see the trailer, you find it hard to believe it is actually being released in theaters. In 2017, that film was most definitely Geostorm starring Gerard Butler. From the second we saw the trailer for this movie, we just knew it had to be discussed on the podcast and that time has finally come. It’s a race against the clock for us to uncover if this movie is really as bad as it looked or if it’s just your average cookie cutter disaster movie that could have been better if they shaved about 30 minutes off of it.
This week on the podcast we end our unexpectedly enjoyable deep dive in the Psycho series with Psycho IV: The Beginning. Norman Bates is out of the mental ward yet again and wouldn’t you know the ol’ psycho ended up getting married, to his psychiatrist of all people. Well just like before, Norman is starting to crack but it isn’t Mother this go around as there is something else driving him to one more murder. And when you’re a murderer on the verge of killing, what better to do than call into a radio show discussing “Mother Killers” and spill the beans on your life growing up. Who knew Norma Bates was so hot?
After the events of Psycho II, poor Norman Bates has seemed to have lost his mind yet again. He was mentally pulled in so many different directions that this was bound to happen; he never even had a chance to be normal again. And now that Mother is in full force, no one who checks into the Bates Motel stands a chance.
This week we are joined by not only one, but two guests as we take a deep dive into the, fan voted for, Psycho series. Yes, that’s right, there is in fact a sequel to the 1960 Alfred Hitchcock classic; three sequels to be exact. And since we figured there really is nothing more to say about the original Psycho that hasn’t already been said, we decided to jump ahead 22 years with Psycho II. So join us and our guests, Cody Wyoming and ‘The Ultimate Accuser” Pat, in welcoming back Norman Bates to the Bates Motel.
How many times can you remember enjoying an entire movie and, just when you are waiting for the epic showdown and resolution for the heroes, the movie stops with no ending whatsoever? Your answer would probably be zero, because most movies have some sort of ending. Well this weeks movie was very enjoyable, until it decided to do just that; not have a god damn ending! Instead of imagining our frustration, why not enjoy listening to in this weeks episode.
We kick off 2018 with what we believe will become a new holiday cult classic in the coming years. This overlooked holiday horror gem is quite demented and extremely smart. Think of it as Home Alone meets American Psycho turned up to 11. We weren’t sure what to expect, but when it was all said and done, we loved the end result. If there was one thing we took away from this flick, it’s that the world has far too many Luke’s in it.
In our goal to bring you more conversations and more content, we’ve gone through our secret archives yet again to find a wonderful Christmas present for all you good boys and girls. With our Christmas special spectacular concluded, we figured we’d release an old discussion focusing on one of our favorite Christmas specials of all time, A Muppet Family Christmas. We will be back next Wednesday to kick off 2018 in true B Movie Breakdown fashion. Thank you to all of our listeners for all of the support over this past year, we look forward to an even better year for the podcast in 2018.
Pac-Man and his family must help an alien named Santa Claus get back on his feet to continue his deliveries to the children of his own dimension on Christmas Eve after a terrible crash landing in PacLand. Get ready to CHOMP your teeth into this 1982 Hanna-Barbera prime time Christmas special before you too run out of power pellets!
For some reason during the peak of the TMNT popularity, someone thought it was a totally tubular idea to have them sing. First came The Coming Out Of Our Shells Tour video and surprisingly it was a huge hit with kids, ourselves included. We remember many of those songs to this very day. Then came two more videos that well…are the reason we don’t always need all of our favorite characters to sing. One of which we will get to another time and the other is We Wish You A Turtle Christmas. Get ready to deck the halls with pepperoni because you too can watch it on YouTube.
In 1991, Family Home Entertainment (f.h.e.) was riding high, releasing VHS tape after VHS tape for all of our favorite cartoons. We remember seeing that infamous f.h.e. logo so much that it was burned into our tiny brains forever. Little did we know at this same time f.h.e. put out one of the worst and most f’d up Christmas specials of all time, featuring one of the most evil characters to ever exist…Mrs. Mavilda. We highly recommend you check this one out on YouTube here before you listen to the episode, so you can truly know how insane this movie is.
This is the tale of Ron and he is having a really bad day. His wife left him. He gave a hobo the last of his toilet paper and he shit his pants! All on the 20th anniversary of his mother going crazy and getting sent to the looney bin! After shoving a mushroom up his butt and tripping balls, Ron discovers the secrets of the universe involving space-nuns, booty-worms, tittie-maggots and the ultimate cause of all his problems: the unconscionable Dr. Beau Nerjoose! This film is definitely “NOT YOUR AVERAGE DICK AND BALLS MUSICAL.”
Would you construct an entire science fair presentation around a dinosaur bone? Would you then use the dinosaur bone to prove the earth was created in a week? If so, you’ll be able to relate to this movie!
Angels are the Warriors of the Lord. Soldiers of God. They have leveled Sodom and Gomorrah. Told Mary she would be the mother of Christ. Fallen from grace to rule hell. This week, a group of angels drops to Earth to…help a California baseball team win the pennant. This is Angels in the Outfield. Danny Glover embraces orphans in this goofy Disney gem.
Met with mixed reviews at the box office, 2017’s the Mummy is surprisingly enjoyable. Tom Cruise delivers a decent performance playing a terrible person, and while the movie DOES try to do several things… it’s not a complete disaster? It exposes the audience to a universe that, if given the chance, could grow into something pretty sweet.
Wolf is a movie that begins as a behind the scenes thriller involving the takeover of a publishing house and ends with an epic werewolf battle between three fantastic actors. Obviously everything is more nuanced than that, but by taking us out of the world of realism and launching us in to a world where wolfmen exist, the viewer is allowed to appreciate everything the movie presents. The publishing setting makes sense when you realize the movie’s co-screenwriter was renowned poet and author Jim Harrison. A true example of writing what you know and running with it, Wolf grounds itself only to unleash it’s bestial intent at its climax. A great movie and a great way to end our 31 Days of Horror.
The good son is a movie that excells in truly setting the bar in regards to sociopaths. It could be argued that this is what happens when someone, child or adult, but having that person be a minor adds that extra level of horror, is too self obsessed and intelligent for their own good. Left to his own devices, Henry is able to twist and turn his world in to his own personal playground. If he wasn’t so obsessed with murder I’m sure with his family’s business ties he would have been a successful hedge fund manager…or the President of the United States.
Today on the podcast we continue our October horrorthon with 1992’s Dr. Giggles! This town has a doctor and his name is Rendell. Stay away from his house, ’cause he’s a doctor from hell. He chopped up his patients, every last one. And cut out their hearts purely for fun. So if you’re from Moorehigh and you should get sick, then fall on your knees and pray you die quick. The key lesson here folks, is don’t go chasing nursery rhymes…or waterfalls.
This week we bring you one of the oddest entries in Wes Craven’s filmography, 1991’s The People Under The Stairs. Continuing our month of horror, we once again have friend of the show and frequent guest, Cody, on to discuss the misadventures of Fool and his super weird run in with Mommy and Daddy. This film has that great level of suspense and horror we expect from Wes Craven with a nice dash of b movie level wackiness straight out of a Troma movie. In every neighborhood there is one house that adults whisper about and children cross the street to avoid…..get ready to step inside.
What better way to kick off our full month of horror movies than with a film from the guy who directed The Exorcist. In 1990’s The Guardian, a young couple with a newborn baby who don’t realize that the nanny they hired is a magical nymph who sacrifices infants to an evil tree. I mean do we really have to tell you anymore than that?
Bigfoot The Movie. If you see this title scrolling through Amazon Prime Video and skip it, you will be making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. You would also be missing out on one of the Top 3 Bigfoot movies of all time. Jared Show and the rest of the gang over at JS Pictures have something special on their hands with this one and we hope that our show can help spread the word on their super fun film, Bigfoot The Movie. You can find it streaming on Amazon Prime Video, iTunes, YouTube, Google Play, Vimeo or you can buy it on DVD at www.bigfootthemovie.com.
Has anyone ACTUALLY seen this movie? Seriously. After watching the first one we came to learn that pretty much anyone who knew about or had seen the first film, had no idea there was ever a sequel. And if they did know there was some sort of sequel, they sure as hell never watched it and good for them. You know why? Because why watch a movie that builds over 90 minutes for it to not show you the climax and just go right to the very end…..like what the hell.
An accident puts the consciousness of Coleman, an elderly dream researcher, into the body of Bobby, a bratty teenager. The problem? Bobby prefers dreamworld limbo over his real life. Now Coleman, as Bobby, must figure out how to get his old body back before it is too late, not to mention the body of his wife whose consciousness is trapped in Bobby’s secret crush. Yes, this is a movie starring the two Corey’s and it’s not just a generic teen comedy, but it’s in fact a body switch comedy taken to the next level.
This is a movie as perfect as it could get. For some movies the mold breaks after they are made. There could never be another. Not truly. Miami Connection is a film that excels at being amazing, terrible and sincere at the same time. If you like ninjas, blood, and over protective brothers, sit back and enjoy.
After watching Robot Jox last week, you know how pumped and invested we were in every aspect of the future political landscape it presented. So naturally, you can imagine how excited we were to watch it’s “sequel” Crash And Burn. What starts off as a political sci-fi film, quickly turns into a sci-fi thriller, and ultimately turns into a straight up horror film; all of which really had nothing to do with Robot Jox, except for a giant robot being featured during the climax of the film. Most of the time such a loose connection ends up being a bad thing, but this still ended up being a fun watch.
This episode we address an overlooked classic. A movie a head of its time yet wouldn’t be the same if it was made in any other era. In a podcast favorite setting, post apocalyptic Earth, two rival factions face off for dominance over contested territories. In a world where war is outlawed, the Confederation and the Market compete in giant robot battles to win their control. Robot Jox is an incredible ride. If you like testosterone, espionage, murder and robots, this is a movie (and podcast) you can’t miss.
This week it’s all about time as we take you to a house possessed by an evil clock. This week we take you to the year 1992. This week we take you to the sixth movie in the Amityville franchise, Amityville 1992: It’s About Time. Is this the horror version of the Room? Is it common to bring your boyfriend over to the house where you used to live with a previous boyfriend as he still lives there? Was it really that rough being a reclusive goth kid in the 1990s? Come with us as we dissect this and more in today’s ground breaking episode.
For 150 episodes you’ve followed us through post apocalyptic futures, other dimensions, and hell itself. Now meet the Dungeonmaster and come with us on our journey through his varying dungeons. Conveniently, each dungeon serves as a crash course in topics and settings that this podcast loves to address. Super intelligent robots. Monster battles. Devil characters. It’s all here. So listen to us get down on a RAGE WAR in 1984’s The Dungeonmaster.
In our goal to bring you more conversations and more content, we’ve gone through our secret archives to find conversations that would still be relevant today and/or act as time capsules, showing how we felt about specific topics at the times they were current. You’ll still get normal episodes every week, but once in a while you’ll get a bonus episode in between them. With our Thorn trilogy concluded, we figured we’d release an old discussion focusing on our favorite horror movies that ends with a brief summary of Rob Zombie’s Halloween. Come back this Wednesday, for our monumental 150 episode where we discuss 1984’s The Dungeonmaster.
This week we end our deep dive into the Thorn Trilogy of the Halloween series and have many of our lingering questions answered. Questions such as: Why is it called the Thorn Trilogy? Who is the man in black? What is his deal? Is Jamie ok? What have other members of the Strode family been to? What ever happened to little Tommy Doyle from the first Halloween? And why is there a ‘producer’s cut’ of this movie?
Things get even weirder as we find out that Jaime can’t talk due to her extreme killer instincts that closed out part 4. She was also hospitalized after trying to kill her step-mom as well. Michael escaped his demise by floating down a river and being mended by a redneck living in a shack with a parrot. The Thorn Trilogy carries on in Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers.
It’s been years since Haddonfield has been ravaged by Michael Meyers. This small Illinois town is again the focus of his attention, as Michael hunts for the niece he never knew he had. Laurie is dead and some moron transporting Michael to a different hospital (recovering from wounds he suffered at the hands of his arch nemesis, Dr. Loomis ten years earlier) drops the ball and mentions she is a thing he can kill. Because when within earshot of a man whose only purpose is kill his family sure, go ahead and mention he has another one. Great idea, asshole.
It’s that time of year again, time to take a little trip to Summer camp. This year we decided to visit Camp Blackfoot and boy did it bring back some memories from our years at Summer camp as kids. Like when Jason Alexander had hair and when we decided to play a prank on the camp caretaker. Sadly, that prank ended up burning him alive, leaving him disfigured beyond belief, and sent him on a murderous rampage of revenge. Oh how fun Summer camp was.
This sucks but dinosaurs are never bad. Movies that pretend to have cowboys in them are. If only someone could let us in on the joke, it would make all the difference. As is, this movie is a return to misery. Enjoy!
Transformers: The Last Knight. The fifth in a series about robots, history and the indulgences of a man who never could resist beautiful women, crude jokes and explosions. You ever have so much sensory input and then try putting that experience into words? With the debris still settling, this is that conversation.
Tonight brings to a close our viewing of the Critterverse, a franchise nickname not given lightly. All four of these movies do the once rare feat of establishing a universe ripe with potential. While the first three movies focus primarily on Earth, this fourth movie takes us back to space where it all began, but also to the future. 52 years in the future! What is masterful about this movie is that it is not cheesy or overtly goofy, and gives us a great science fiction experience that has no right to exist. Learning about the changes during the 52 year gap creates a craving for more movies set in this universe. Monsters. Creatures. Galactic counsels and interstellar corporations. Bounty hunters and betrayal. It has everything you could ask for, except maybe more critter carnage, but what can you do. Join us as we follow former drunk turned Crite killer Charlie in his last adventure.
We continue our journey through the Critterverse with the third film in the Critters franchise, aptly titled Critters 3. Not only does this film continue the story of the lovable Charlie, but it was also the feature film debut of Academy Award winner Leonardo DiCaprio. That’s right, a pre-Growing Pains little Leo helps Charlie take on the Critters this time around in a great installment to the series, that strategically sets up the fourth and final film with an interesting during credits sequence.
We have finally decided to re-visit the Critterverse with a much anticipated look at Critters 2. This film is a rarity, where in the sequel is just as good, if not better than, the first film. This time around the Critters are back for the main course, which just so happens to be the entire town of Grover’s Bend. Little do the Crites know, the High Council is well aware of the eggs left on Earth; sending bounty hunters Charlie, Ug, and Lee back to Earth to take them out once and for all.
We told you if you leave them, we will watch them and that is just what we did! This week’s movie, These Final Hours, was suggested by fan of the show Jordan VanWormer via his iTunes review and what a great suggestion it was. Here at B Movie Breakdown we love us a good end of the world, apocalypse movie and this no exception. If you are interested, it is available on Netflix and is definitely worth a watch. Thanks again Jordan for the awesome movie suggestion!
This week on the podcast we revisit a modern day classic, 2011’s Manborg! Count Draculon and his HELL army seek to take over Earth during the HELL WARS. One final brave soldier attempts to take on the Count but is unsuccessful. Years later that same soldier is transformed into Manborg and activated in Mega-Death City. With the help of his new friends Justice, Mina, & #1 Man; Manborg must destroy Count Draculon and The Baron once and for all!!
This week we watched the 1984 film The Ice Pirates and honestly it was kind of hard to write any sort of description for this episode. The film had a lot of great ideas that it just couldn’t execute, which made for a pretty boring movie. The poster made it look super cool and absurd in all the right ways, but it just fell flat. It also had a hard time making up it’s mind if it wanted to be serious or silly. If you grew up loving this movie, we’d love to hear your thoughts because it just didn’t do much for us at all. Also, friend of the show and past guest Cody joined us for this harrowing journey.
Teen comedies were huge in the 80’s and most are considered classics to this day, but none were quite like The Last American Virgin from 1982. It’s like a cross between Porky’s, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, and Pretty In Pink, but with a really dark and depressing final 20 minutes. And unlike most of the fore mentioned films, no one in this one really learns any sort of lesson whatsoever. They just go on being even shittier, sluttier, and neckbeardier, if thats a word, than they were before.
This week we watched the WWE Studios film The Marine 5: Battleground starring some of our favorite WWE superstars; including The Miz, Maryse, Naomi, Health Slater, Curtis Axel, and Bo Dallas. We talked a lot about this film. We had a lot of laughs. We had our friend Cody join us for a special appearance. We had a great time recording an episode….then after about an hour and twenty minutes we realized technology had failed us and the episode didn’t record. So there will forever be a lost episode of B Movie Breakdown and in it’s place is a summation of the events that happened in that lost episode. We apologize for our flop.
Gripping the world by storm we review the hottest franchise in recent cinema memory. It’s has crazy characters, an acting legend, espionage, and sweet cars. Well trucks, actually. This movie is fast and it sure is furious. It takes car chases to a whole new level. Without a doubt I am talking about Monster Trucks. Did you think I was describing something else?
It’s rare when a character in a movie steals your heart, especially when you want to hate that movie, but we just couldn’t help but fall in love with the main character of Big Man On Campus from 1989. Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogalooga, that’s 1 Malooga with 4 looga’s, was an unexpectedly funny and lovable hunchback that saved this movie. And mind you, this is a movie with little to no plot whatsoever. It’s your typical late 80s/early 90s college comedy, but seasoned comedy writer Allan Katz clearly had been developing the character of Bob for years in order to one day bring him to life. I guess we should also mention that Nick was absent this week, so Corey was joined by former guest Kenneth from Episode 115.
Beach Ball Mania is running wild! This week we hit the waves and wrestle with issues like excessive sun exposure, Rick Flair taking beach front property from a bunch of meat heads, and properly applying sunblock. We watched Season 6 Episode 15 of Baywatch entitled “Bash At The Beach,” starring the superstars of WCW (circa 1996). We get off with the Hoff in a post Wrestlemania ultimate thrill ride. You can watch this episode of Baywatch in full right here.
We thought it would be a fun idea to get everyone in the mood for Wrestlemania by watching a movie starring some of our favorite WWE superstars. But after watching this week’s movie we literally felt like our minds and souls travelled deep down a literal river of darkness. A river where WWE Hall Of Famer to be Kurt Angle has the acting skills of a robot. A river where WCW’s Glacier is the best actor in a movie. A river where the main character just asks a series of questions throughout that ultimately get him nowhere. A river where any sort of plot this movie could have had all happens within the last five minutes and you wish you had the last hour and twenty minutes of your life back. Now if that isn’t a river of darkness, then we don’t know what is.
In case you were wondering, this week’s movie is not about Seth Rollins’ upcoming Wrestlemania match against Triple H. In fact it really has nothing to do with wrestling whatsoever, but it does have a homeless Ice-T being hunted by the likes of Rutger Hauer, Charles S. Dutton, John C. McGinley, and Gary Busey. And if you’re on the fence about this one, just imagine a post motorcycle accident Busey telling the most intense story about fighting his dog to the death. It’s impossible to not love that scene.
This week we bring a a quick half episode with Corey flying solo while Cyborg Nick is temporarily out of commission. But don’t worry, as he will be fully rebooted just in time for Episode 131 where we will discuss Surviving The Game from 1994. In this halfsie, Corey gives some brief thoughts on a few recent and not so recent movies he saw over the past weekend. We will be back with a brand new full episode next week!
This week on we lose our minds with the 1988 film Brain Damage from the director of Basket Case. In the film, average guy named Brian, who lives in New York City, becomes dependent on an evil, disembodied creature named Alymer. Alymer feeds Brian a narcotic substance in exchange for his unwilling assistance in obtaining the brains of innocent victims for sustenance. If you couldn’t tell, this movie is one giant allegory for drug addiction and a bloody one at that. We highly recommend checking this one out, for sure.
Technocrat world invaded by imperial forces wanting to bring their way of life to a planet that wanted to live in peace or an oppressed people transformed into machines by a dominating queen only to be set free by the king of pop and his crew of rhythm spreading patriots? Pick your narrative. We carry on with our fortnight of Michael Jackson with Captain EO. A George Lucas scribed, Coppola directed 80’s space spectacle.
Those of you who have seen this film know exactly why we chose it and those of you who haven’t seen this film are probably wondering why we chose to do a Michael Jackson music video movie. The thing is, it is so much more than just music videos. Sure it starts out that way, but when halfway through he is being gunned down by terrorist organization [SPIDER] run by Mr. Big (played by Joe Pesci) and transforming into a car it explains exactly why we watched this movie for the podcast. The film also inspired an absurd arcade and SEGA Genesis video game that may be more infamous that the film itself.
Deep in the swamps of Florida dwells a creature so awe inspiring, so monumental, so…horny, when we heard about it we could not look away. Do you like low budget brutality, clever/terrible jokes, ape dick and a message around nature preservation and native American oppression? Then this is the movie for you. Did I mention ape dick? Yes. Yes I did. We rarely tackle films this close to their release date, as most b movies are relics of a time long gone or things so insignificant we missed them when they debuted-but not this week’s focus, 2017’s Swamp Ape, a welcomed addition to the fold of movies so terribly absurd you can’t help but adore them. Remember the ape dick. Never forget.
Our movie this week is regarded as one of the worst movies of all time. It is a product of it’s time, reminding us of other 90’s comedy classics such as The Pest and Blankman. It also fits under the “CTA” umbrella we’ve talked about recently on the podcast. But is it really all that bad? Did it win us over in the end? Is it not ok to just enjoy a stupid, whacky comedy from time to time? All of these important questions and more are answered throughout this episode. This review was inspired by Bijan Amin.
If you’ve been listening to the podcast you know we’ve been hyping this episode. There has been something ready to pounce. Something lurking behind us. Something biting at our heels. Something ready…to attack! This week we tackle Attack of the Killer Shrews brought to you by White Lion Studios, who were gracious enough to give us a sneak peek of their horror movie extravaganza. When Lloyd Kaufman graces the screen before the movie kicks off you know you are in store for one wild ride. You can buy a copy of Attack Of The Killer Shrews on DVD over at www.killershrewmovie.com.
This brings our Jason-A-Thon to a close. Our favorite post apocolyptic future where Earth has been ravaged by a changing climate (naturally occurring I’M SURE) where before the world fell apart Jason was left frozen in the Crystal Lake Research Facility (C.L.R.F.). Watching these movies has been a wild journey and one that truly finishes out of this world.
Today the episode goes to hell and this week so does everything else, including Jason. Much like how people view this Friday, it feels as if the Jason we knew is no longer the same. Someone just didn’t get the concept of Jason and decided to totally overhaul and destroy everything that made him fantastic. But Jason didn’t need changes. Not drastic ones. He wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t broken. No reason to throw everything about him out the window. Watching older Jason movies gave me hope the franchise was going to good places, but in actuality there is nothing great about Jason in this movie at all. Jason couldn’t be made great again because he was already great.
Manhattan. Full of toxic sludge. Manhattan. Where gang members shoot you up with heroin and try to sexually assault you. Manhattan. Where previously mentioned toxic sludge fills the underbelly of the city at midnight because that’s a thing that happens. Manhattan. The Big Apple. Manhattan. The city that never sleeps. Manhattan. New York. The city…that is about to be brought to its knees thanks to a machete wielding maniac from camp crystal lake after he hitches a ride on two boats because where exactly is camp crystal lake again? Doesn’t matter. Manhattan is ripe for the taking and Jason is going to treat it like two Slavic hookers on a queen size bed-wet, messy and best left up your imagination.
If this movie was called Jason Takes A Boat To Manhattan I think history would treat it more appropriately, as the movie could always use more Manhattan but it’s still a welcomed edition to the Friday the 13th Franchise.
It’s a new year and its time for some new blood. The Jason train is plowing through the new year and the kills keep coming. Back from the dead, thanks to Tina and her freakiness-crystal lake’s favorite boy is ready to rage. This perfect 1999 period piece, made in 1988, is everything you need to bring in 2017. Try to think of a better way to party this new year. You can’t.
Jason lives. What better Christmas movie is there to end out December-oh shit, forget about December, there’s no better way to send 2016 out to pasture than with a grueling gash from Jason’s machete. In a year full of surprise, intrigue, desperation and disgust – closing it out with the resurrection of Mr. Voorhees is oddly appropriate. Like a brutal monster brought back from the dead, 2016 reminded us that horrible things hide in plain sight. If this movie teaches us anything, even if your obsession or your apathy contributed to the destruction that filled the past year, it teaches that you can always be a Tommy. If you fuck up, you can always redeem yourself and be a better person by sending the hockey mask wearing redneck to the bottom of camp crystal lake with a ridiculous fucking chain.
Also, because it’s topical and we saw them play a month ago, check out the band The Jason’s. They’re great.
This is the season. The season of family. The season of giving. The season of life. The season of…Life..day. We guess. If you are a Wookie on Wookie Planet? We forget what that world is called but honestly, who gives a shit? We care as much about that as we do the individuals responsible for giving the go ahead to George Lucas’s worst idea this side of Tatooine. Oh is that a nerd we hear crying that his name isn’t credited? Maybe he shouldn’t be trash talked for this, but we need some explanation for why the star wars holiday special is as excruciating as it is.
(Experimented with a change in format, didn't last long) This week we discuss some recent HUGE movie trailers, wrestlers in movies (side tracked into straight WWE talk), comics, The Walking Dead, and so much more! We are also joined by special guest Nickname Nick (aka Nick 2) in discussing what we watched this week, such as Krampus, Yoga Hosers, Fast & Furious 6, and Supernatural.
(Experimented with a change in format, didn't last long) This week we have decided to enrich our format by discussing several movie concepts and movies we have watched throughout this past week. Remakes and reboots aplenty. We get in to Nick’s feelings on Star Trek Beyond and Corey dives into the b-documentaries; Raiders! The Story Of The Greatest Fan Film Ever Made and Man Vs. Snake: The Long and Twisted Tale of Nibbler.
This week we bring you the long promised halfsie we mentioned a couple of weeks ago. We are aware we said that we would be rounding out November with one last movie from 1986, but with the recent holiday things got a little harder to get in a full movie episode. So in order for us to still bring you content, we recorded this half episode to fill that void. In this episode we discuss bad movies with great trailers, who funded the New Order, and so much more. Do you enjoy these half episodes? Is it more fun when we don’t JUST discuss a single movie? Please tell us in the comments, on twitter, or on facebook.
Some say it’s hot. Some say it’s reckless. Some even say it’s totally insane. But we can all agree that it is in fact Thrashin’. In 1986 only one rivalry truly mattered, The Ramp Locals vs The Daggers. The Ramp Locals just wanted to have some summer fun skating around and scooping up the ladies, but Corey Webster, leader of The Ramp Locals, scooped up the wrong one. Chrissy just so happens to be the sister of Tommy Hook, badass leader of The Daggers. After very little plot and an endless amount of montages, will Corey Webster win the race and finally get the girl of his dreams?
It’s 2016 and celebrity millionaire / ex-reality show host Donald Trump is now the President of The United States. A man who, in 1986, was just a celebrity millionaire rebuilding an long-closed ice skating rink in New York. 1986 was a simpler time and just like 2016 it had it’s fair share of questionable events. To this day, the release of Howard The Duck was one of those events. But who would have thought a movie this “bad” would ever bring us joy when we needed it most. When we watched it we were surprised at how much we enjoyed it. It’s a crazy, balls out absurd movie, that a viewing population could not appreciate at the time. It’s reviled. It’s disgusted. Most don’t care about it. But it’s a charming and unique film that deserves way more credit. It was more fun than we expected. We probably won’t feel this way about Donald Trump 30 years from now. Howard T. Duck 2020.
Today’s talk revolves around the 1986 Eddie Murphy movie The Golden Child. It is extraordinary. Demons. Magic. Snake women. A bad ass babe. Fucked up henchmen. It’s a wonder this movie got made considering the subject matter and it made SO MUCH MONEY. Times were simpler in 1986, and that train of thought takes us down some great nostalgia talks; a tour of our youths and a nice divergence into the history behind it.
Dolph Lundgren is a legend. A hero. A true cinema gem. He’s done many works that one would consider art. This movie is a mixed bag. It is awesome and yet boring. Absurd and yet dull. Phenomenal and yet stereotypically average. It’s a movie that comes in many shades and breaks many genres, but the only thing you need to know, is that it comes in peace. Or else you’ll come in pieces, asshole. If you like brain drugs and aliens that look like Raiden from Mortal Kombat, then this was made just for you.
If camping, killing, and “transexual lunatics” are things your life craves, then have we watched the movie for you. And no, “transexual lunatic” is not a term we support or endorse but it was used to advertise the god damn movie on the back of its box. Like, what the hell? We’ve reviewed Sleep Away Camp twice before, but never it’s sequel! Now is the time. Horror month has brought us to Camp Rolling Hills and it’s time to watch Angela, the Angel of Death, kill everyone. Literally. Everyone. Except that one girl, but really she probably died off screen anyways.
Did you ever want to know what Lilo and Stitch would be like if it was Rated R? Hey! You are in luck. Do you want to see a town drunk get over served and believe his teeth receive messages from space? Hey! You are in luck. Do you want to see some of the worst bounty hunters in movie history? This week our journey returns us to space and then sends us back to earth. Time to get hungry as we gorge ourselves on some Critter madness.
Since Halloween is now upon us, we have decided to dedicate the entire month of October to nothing but horror movies. We kick off our horror movie marathon with the 1999 film VIRUS starring non other than the scream queen herself, Jamie Lee Curtis. When a typhoon cripples their boat, the crew of the Sea Star sails into the eye of the storm, where they discover a high-tech Russian communications and research vessel adrift. Only one Russian crew member is still alive, raving about “intelligent lightning.” They soon discover that an alien life form has taken over the ship’s computers, churning out mechanical insects and cyborg warriors. With their own boat destroyed, the crew must battle the alien life form and escape as the ship reenters the storm.
You ever hype up something to be the best thing ever and it turns out to be the opposite? Like the exact opposite? Like it couldn’t be further from the truth? Something that leaves such a bad taste in your mouth you start to wonder what it all means? What is the meaning of life? What is a cyborg? What is a DNA child? Is Cyborg America even that bad? Maybe we’re better off being ruled by machines. Maybe we don’t deserve free will after someone’s lead to Nemesis 2. Maybe cyborg dominance is what we deserve. Contemplate all these questions and more in the final installment of Nemesis month. Yes. Two movies. That’s all you get.
Did you like our little half shake last week? Good, since its time to tackle some pretty high end philosophical questions this go round, such as:
What makes a human a human? What makes us special? Is it our compassion? Our greed? Our lack of cybernetic implants and synthetic organs? Welcome to Nemesis, a movie that attempts to address these issues in the most ham fisted fashion possible while bullets fly and everything explodes. The cyborgs have been oppressed by humans, because that’s how we roll, and they’re out to even the score, but only one man stands in their way. A man, that may or may not be a man at all. Is our hero more man than machine, or more machine than man? Does it matter? Does any of this matter? Find out today or the LAPD is gonna get your ass.
We’ve taken a few breaks throughout the course of this podcast, and it’s always been something we traditionally hate doing. Denying you our company is a grievous action, and we understand that. You want more Corey and Nick and we don’t blame you. I mean, of course you do.
This week is how we rectify that occasional problem. We’re introducing a new format, the half episode. Normally we focus on one film and go to down. This week we focus on a topic and let the conversation go from there. So while there is not a movie for this week, in a way there are several. Today’s half episode topic is traditionally hated sequels that we untraditionally adore. So sit back and relax. This is episode 107.5.
Some say stab wounds are the best kind of wounds, but those people haven’t seen Exit Wounds starring Steven Seagal and DMX. That’s right X is gonna give it to ya right in the face with his fresh Lugz boots on, while running his multi-million dollar website where you can buy anything for $9.99 or less. Then use that money to trick crooked cops into thinking you are a drug dealer, with your best friend who runs a night club, just to possibly get your brother out of jail. Little does X know that he will have a run in with reckless cop Orin Boyd, who just so happens to go to anger management with Detroit AM tv star Henry Wayne. Remember that club owner we mentioned? Well he absolutely loves Henry Wayne! And after everything is said, the best friend club owner and Henry Wayne become co-hosts of Detroit AM and we get to see their wonderful dynamic throughout the credits. So if you’re wondering if in the end do the main characters really even matter, the answer is not really.
Live fast. Die young. Go to hell. Come back from the dead. Avenge your daughter. Have lots of sex and kill lots of people. I don’t understand why America didn’t embrace this concept more more than it did. Maybe it was Nicholas Cage exhaustion. Maybe its because the character is only different from Ghost Rider in the details. I don’t know. All I know is that Drive Angry is way better then anyone gives it credit for and by the time it ended I was already writing the pilot to a tv show that would never happen in my mind. If you like sex, beer, murder, demons, heaven, hell, cult leaders, sex, murder, murder and sex you’ll love this movie.
The book of revelations is fill with vivid imagery, glorious prophecy and messages that can shine a light on the issues of the day. Religious or not, anyone can recognize it’s historical significance and it’s effect of modern christianity and modern western society. That being said, Left Behind starring Nicolas Cage is a piece of garbage we’ve already spent too much time talking about it and we only intend to talk about it for this sentence. Now listen to our podcast where we talk about this film and give it the scorn and ridicule it truly deserves.
Uncovering ancient history can be a challenge. Modern scholars, relying on information left behind by our ancestors; be it writings, infrastructure, artifacts, etc… (if they left anything behind at all) decipher these puzzle pieces, in an attempt to assemble a coherent narrative that best describes the culture in which they are studying. As I said, some civilizations leave behind a plethora of information, while others leave behind but a trace of their existence at all. Luckily for you and I, some ancient Greek, most likely named Jim, shadowed the great Hercules and documented his most epic battles, thereby giving us a perfect manuscript detailing actual historical fact, that the beloved people at Cannon films turned into not one, but two glorious films! Today, we discuss the real life adventures of a real life historical figure as he battles real life historical gods and kings in the real life movie The Adventures of Hercules. Its a rare feat to watch history brought to the screen in
What would you do if you could live your life over? What would you do if you could change every mistake you ever made? What would you do if your grandpa was part of a time travel cult?
Would you still marry your psycho husband or would you have sex with the local communist? Peggy Sue had to answer all of these questions and then some in today’s episode, where we discuss the Francis Ford Coppola (hmm what else has he directed, I can’t place it…) film, Peggie Sue Got Married.
Are you a cat person? Then you should watch this movie.
Are you a fan of conservation efforts and saving endangered species? Then you should watch this movie.
Are you a psychopath who wants to see a family of five try to survive living in a house also occupied by multiple lions, tigers, cheetahs and panthers OR a movie in which 70 cast and crew members were legitimately injured by said lions, tigers, cheetahs and panthers?
Then you should watch this movie.
Luckily for you, you don’t necessarily HAVE to. We’ve got your back. The movie Roar is something that has never happened before and will never happen again. Watching it is as unsettling as you may expect. It is a visual extravaganza of things that should not exist. Download or subscribe below and hear us tear into this juicy mess of madness and we discuss the perfect party movie.
Fan4tastic is something to behold. Its impressive at how boring and incoherent it truly is. Anecdotal, of course, but I haven’t seen anyone online or in real life defending anything about it. Even the live action Super Mario Brothers has its proponents, of which I am one, if that tells you anything about the kind of movies I am more than willing to enjoy. That film is a masterpiece, but I’m getting off topic. This movie has no fans, it has no one thinking its an underrated gem, it has no one glad it exists. I’m not saying people who don’t like it are sheep, I’m saying that because NO ONE LIKES IT. It brings no one any happiness, only despair. I wanted to like it so I could be a contrary hipsterian (is that a word?) but I could not. It is impossible. In a world where people like all sorts of horrible things, no one likes this movie.
We have reached a milestone here at B Movie Breakdown, the epic Episode 100 and boy do we have a movie for you. This week we watched the Cannon Films classic Invasion U.S.A. starring the forever badass Chuck Norris! It’s surprising we have never done a Chuck Norris movie before, but this movie was well worth the wait. Retired CIA agent Matt Hunter is forced back into the business when a villain from his past re-emerges. Soviet Mikhail Rostov, a terrorist whom Matt once caught, wants to exact revenge. After failing to find Matt at his Everglades home, Rostov and his army of Communist guerrillas begin carrying out terrorist acts all over southern Florida. Millions of innocent lives are at risk, and it’s up to MattHunter to take them down!
On our journey to Episode 100 of the podcast, we hit a major bump in the road this week with My Pet Montser (A Live-Action Video Cassette). Some of you may remember this movie, but more of you most likely remember the plush doll it was based on or the short lived animated series. For a movie based on a plush doll, it does take some major strides to make sure the monster looks nothing like it, but also not really focus on the monster all that much in the first place. I could tell you this movie is about a boy named Max who gets turned into a monster while starring at a cartoonish statue all because he didn’t eat, but I would only be telling you half the truth. The majority of this movie seems to focus on Max’s brother and his uppity girlfriends show dog. Regardless, the movie is quite absurd and leaves you with a plethora of questions never to be answered. You can watch the movie in full via YouTube.
After yet another long absence, the B Movie Breakdown has returned and with an all new co-host! Past guest Nick now joins the podcast as a full time co-host with forever permanent co-host Corey. For our first episode in 6 months, we have decided to tackle the big VR craze with the 1995 action classic Virtuosity starring Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe. The Law Enforcement Technology Advancement Centre (LETAC) has developed SID version 6.7: a Sadistic, Intelligent, and Dangerous virtual reality entity which is synthesized from the personalities of more than 150 serial killers. LETAC would like to train police officers by putting them in VR with SID, but they must prove the concept by using prisoners as test subjects. One such prisoner is ex-cop Parker Barnes. When SID manages to inject his personality into a nano-machine android, it appears that Barnes might be the only one who can stop him.
Welcome to a world where Ninjas are magical, V8 juice is a sex symbol, and even the lowliest cop is somehow a cigar-chewing pimp. That’s right folks, this week we watched Ninja III The Domination, the final film in the Cannon Ninja Trilogy. This movie was very misleading, right from the title. Ninja III: The Possession would’ve been far more appropriate. Essentially the film was about an evil ninja slaughtering scores of good guy cops, but the filmmakers certainly portrayed the cops as shady and likely corrupt through most of the movie only for you to realize at the end that they were never deserving of their fate. Sorry little Suzy, daddy’s getting a closed-casket funeral because he died in a helicopter crash. And look out for those aerobics class rape gangs! You remember what a problem they were in the 80s, right? No wonder everybody’s switched to DDP Yoga.
This week we continue our journey in the Cannon Ninja trilogy with Revenge Of The Ninja! This one is actually much better than the first and still holds up as a solid ninja action movie. This actually stars the bad ninja from Enter The Ninja, but this time in the role of the hero instead. Why this couldn’t just continue the story of Cole from the first movie? We have no idea! After his family is killed in Japan by ninjas, Cho and his son Kane come to America to start a new life. He opens a doll shop but is unwittingly importing heroin in the dolls. When he finds out that his friend has betrayed him, Cho must prepare for the ultimate battle he has ever been involved in.
Ninjitsu, the darkest and deadliest of all the Martial Arts. Ninjitsu, a film genre that swept the nation in the early 80’s only to fade in the mid 90’s. So this week on the podcast we have the movie that is credited for starting this craze, 1981’s Enter The Ninja. As noted on last week, this is a true gem in the Cannon Film library. We’ve actually dove head first into the Cannon Film library way back on Episode 18 with Rockula and then again on Episode 32 with Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. We highly recommend watching the Cannon Films documentary that just hit Netflix, Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story Of Cannon Films, to see just how insane this production company actually was. It will give you a much better insight on how movies like this week’s Enter The Ninja came to life.
With Thanksgiving happening tomorrow here in the U.S., we here at B Movie Breakdown have searched the depths of the interweb to find an true Thanksgiving cult classic. The movie we speak of is the 1983/1987 horror film Blood Rage, starring…well starring basically know one that ever did anything else. Blood Rage tells the tale of twin brothers Todd & Terry, one of which has a mega bloodlust. Terry blames his murder on Todd, Todd goes to the nuthouse for 10 years, it’s Thanksgiving 10 years later, and Todd escapes. So when your brother you blamed our murders on escapes, what do you do? Well, you start murdering everyone you’ve got to know of the last 10 years. It seems we have a thing here on the podcast for killer kid movies. What can we say, they are just so absurd we just can’t stay away.
In our second week back, we remain a twosome as we dive into the 80’s extreme sports classic Gleaming The Cube. In the late 80’s and early 90’s extreme sports movies were all over, whether it was BMX in RAD or rollerblading in Airbourne these movies were hard to escape. But it took Christian Slater and Tony Hawk being involved to incorporate a murder investigation into a skateboarding movie. We still may not know exactly what Gleaming The Cube means after watching this movie, but we sure feel like we gleamed it really good. Brian Kelly’s (Slater) adopted brother is killed when he discovers that the shop he works in sends weapons to Vietnam instead of medication. To the police it looks like suicide, but Brian skates off to investigate the murder to discover the truth.
After almost a year hiatus, the B Movie Breakdown is back in action! That’s right folks, this isn’t some crazy dream, this is actually a brand new episode of the podcast. It was never any intention to take such a long break in podcasting, but life happens and that’s something we cannot help. Back is Corey, along with new co-host Sam, to break down the best of the worst the world of B Movies has to offer. Former co-host DRC will also be back, but sadly not until episode 94. So this week we are watching Ross Patterson’s new movie Helen Keller Vs Nightwolves. As you may remember from past episodes, we have covered two of Patterson’s other absurd and over the top films. In yet another masterpiece by St. James St. James, this film explores the true story that government didn’t want you to know about how Helen Keller really lost her eyesight and hearing: Nightwolves.
It seems we have come across a movie that brought us back to the roots of what this podcast is truly about; the best of the worst and that’s exactly what this movie is. This week we discuss the 1990 “sci-fi” “action” movie Legion Of Iron, but what it should really be called is Legion Of Rape. For a movie about battling to the death, for reasons we still aren’t sure of, there happens to be a lot of non-consensual sex involved. The film centers around high school football star Billy Hamilton and his girlfriend Allyson who get kidnapped when out for a night at Lover’s Lane. Kidnapped by who you ask? Well they are kidnapped by Queen Diana and her minions of course. Who the hell is Queen Diana? We sure don’t know, but we do know that she forces Billy to become a gladiator in death-matches which are bet on by jaded millionaires. Meanwhile, the facility’s guards use Allyson for their sexual pleasure. Will they escape the random fortress in the middle of the desert?
For now, we are at the end of our run with Mr. Voorhees here at B Movie Breakdown and we wanted to go out on top. We may one day revisit the terror of Camp Crystal Lake, but for now we must move on to bigger and better things. This week we end our journey with Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, which happened to be all of our favorite of the series. Once it starts it never stops going, it’s a faced paced high octane roller coaster of murder…how could it possibly be bad? Jason is back to life after years of absence and that shitty copy cat killer. Tommy Jarvis wants to make sure Jason is dead and burns in hell for what he has done, but when you stab a dead body with a metal rod in the middle of a storm it just might get reanimated. The newly reanimated Jason is stronger, faster, and more brutal than ever as the gore and body count is at an all time high. Can Tommy stop Jason once and for all? Find out on Episode 90 of B Movie Breakdown.
We are still staying on track with our Friday The 13th Marathon and this week we are on Part V: A New Beginning. Last time we saw Jason he was…well he was super dead. In fact he was being chopped up, with a machete, by young Tommy Jarvis. Well, now we catch up with Tommy some years later after he has been tossed around from home to home still troubled by the events of that very night. He ends up at a halfway house for troubled teens and from here the madness ensues. Someone starts picking off people in the area and house one by one and it seems to be Jason, but wait he’s dead it can’t be Jason! Or is it the deranged Tommy, who’s been consumed by the memory of Jason and just can’t take it anymore? Nah! It’s Roy, the medic from the beginning of the movie dressed as Jason, whose son died early on at the hands of one of the other teens. But we didn’t even know that was his son until the end and you only see Roy for like 2 seconds…
This week we continue our journey into the twisted mind of Jason Voorhees as we discuss the 4th installment in this series, Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter. Yeah, we know…Final Chapter and yet there are like 6 more of these bad boys to go. Well, when you have a character like Jason, who is a money making machine, why stop when the money is hot. And the money was hot this time around because this installment made more than any of the first three movies. We last left Jason with an axe with in his head laying on the floor of a barn. Well the police and paramedics arrived to haul off the body (and other bodies) back to the morgue. But little did they know, Jason wasn’t quite all the way dead and is ready for more! This is one of our favorites of the series, not only for the gruesome death at the end but also for the supreme acting my a young Corey Feldman as Tommy Jarvis.
This week on the podcast we discover a new dimension of terror with the next movie in the journey of Jason Voorhees. He survived the machete to the should from Part II and is on the run attempting to heal in a barn near by. But it just some happens that the barn is also part of someones lake house, a lake house that Chris and her friends are visiting for the summer. Because you know when you hear about murders in the area and the killer still on the loose, it’s a good idea to not cancel the trip. Well, you can assume what happens next. Jason doesn’t like people coming to his woods, especially when hurt, so the body count continues. From general store owners and bikers to Chris and her group of silly friends, no one is safe. Oh! And this just so happens to be THE movie where Jason obtains his iconic hockey mask, courtesy of the always loveable Shelly.
This week marks the beginning of our descent into the warped and twisted mind of one of the biggest horror icons of all time, Jason Voorhees. And what better way to kick this multi-month tribute off, than with the first movie where he was the central character. We figured starting with Part II was more true to Jason than starting with Part I. The first one has been talked about to death and as we all know Jason is only mentioned and in fact not the killer. In Friday The 13th Part II the body count continues with, a now 33-ish, Jason out for blood after witnessing his mothers death 5 years prior. So when a group of twenty somethings start up a Camp Counselor Training Center nearby Camp Crystal Lake, now deemed Camp Blood, Jason will not stand for these youths disturbing his peace. I mean his little shack in the woods did look pretty damn cozy and peaceful, especially when you’re running around with a bag on your head.
Well this week is more of a mini-sode than a full episode, so we decided to make it 85.5 instead of the full 86. While we had mentioned discussing Critters on our next episode, after some strong consideration we are going to old off on those creepy crawly little guys for now and instead focus on another icon of horror. The Summer is slowly coming to an end and in comes the Fall season. With the Fall season comes our favorite holiday here at the B Movie Breakdown, that holiday happens to be Halloween! So since Halloween is about 10 weeks away we have decided to dedicate the next 9 episodes of the podcast to a true horror icon. An icon who slashed his way to top in the 1980’s and continues to have an impact today. The icon we are going to be paying tribute to is none other than Jason Voorhees. Now instead of starting with the very first Friday The 13th, which has been discussed over and over again throughout the years, we have decided to start with Part II.
On this episode of B Movie Breakdown we discuss, for the first time on the podcast, a film by none other than the kings of B Movies, Troma! It’s a pretty obvious choice when doing a B Movie podcast to just cover any number of their insane movies and we held off from the obvious for far too long. Now instead of going with the other obvious choice of Toxic Avenger, we went with another hero in the Troma universe. That’s right folks this week we discuss the 1990 action comedy Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. This is yet another one of Lloyd Kaufman’s true masterpieces, but for some reason isn’t talked about as much as Toxie or even Tromeo & Juliet. In this Troma Team Release, Detective Harry Griswald becomes possessed with the spirit of an ancient Kabuki master that gives him the powers to become Kabukiman! This has made him ‘the chosen one’ to do battle with ‘the evil one’. Does Kabukiman prevail in the end?
This week special guest Kailee sits in for Gina & Ryan to discuss the 1985 high school rom-com .Just One Of The Guys. Terry Griffith has it all — looks, popularity, the perfect college boyfriend, and an article that’s a “shoe-in” to win her a summer internship at the local newspaper… or so she thinks. When Terry’s journalism teacher passes her article up in favor of a couple of pieces written by boys, Terry is convinced that sexism is to blame. Determined to win the internship at any cost, Terry goes undercover at a rival high school to resubmit her article… as a boy!
Welcome back to an all new episode of you’re favorite podcast, B Movie Breakdown! Yes, we are back from our short (unannounced) summer hiatus. We didn’t think it would be as long as it was, but hey shit happens. Anyways, we are back with a brand spankin’ new episode for you and do we have a doozie. Actually it’s a doozie we have done in the past, but since it’s summer time we felt it was a MUST to revisit it. The film we speak of is 1983’s summer horror classic, Sleepaway Camp! With the movie getting a recent blu ray re-release from Scream Factory (Shour Factory), we couldn’t have picked a better time to do it. If you’ve never seen this movie before, it is a must see for all horror fans. While it follows and sets many horror summer camp tropes; nothing, and we mean NOTHING, can prepare you for the surprise ending that will sear itself into your memory for the rest of your life.
Yet again we have decided to cover an 80’s cult classic and this time a personal favorite of co-host Corey. Now this came about due to the fact that Gina & Ryan have never seen this movie before and sadly seems to be a common trend. While a lot of people have seen this true gem of the 80’s, there are a lot more people who haven’t. So in an attempt to bring more awareness to it’s greatness we have decided to discuss none other than 1987’s ‘The Monster Squad.’ The film is centered around a group of young kids who form a club that is devoted to monsters. They soon get more than they bargained for when Count Dracula, accompanied by Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman, the Mummy, and the Gillman, is in search of a powerful amulet that will grant them power to rule the world. The Monster Squad are the only ones daring to stand in their way.
We’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is your dates are here. The bad news is… they’re dead! This week on a 4th Of July Week edition of B Movie Breakdown, we discuss the 1986 cult classic ‘Night Of the Creeps.’ You may be asking yourself, what does this movie have to do with the ole red, white, and blue? Well, to be honest nothing at all; it just so happens to be the same week. Anyways, the movie is about an alien experiment that crashes to earth in 1959 and infects an innocent young man. They freeze the body, but in the modern day, two geeks pledging a fraternity accidentally thaw the corpse, which proceeds to infect the campus with parasites that transform their hosts into killer zombies. But unlike most zombies these ones are out to eat, they are out to keep spreading their alien slug seed. This movie is streaming on Netlflix, so check it out already!
Believe it or not, but there was a time where John Stamos was attempting to become the next big action hero. At this same time, Gene Simmons was attempting to become an actor. Well clearly both of these attempts didn’t quite work out the way they wanted to, but we did get one insane movie out of it that’s for sure. The movie we speak of is the 1986 action flick Never Too Young To Die. In it Stamos plays Lance Stargrove, the son of murdered secret agent Drew Stargrove, who must take the reigns of his father and stop the evil hermaphrodite Velvet Von Ragnar! Ragnar, played by Gene Simmons, is attempting to combine the local water supply with all of the toxic waste build up by….well maybe if you guys watch you can figure it out because we sure as hell couldn’t. This absurd action flick is in full on YouTube if you feel like taking a walk on the wild side.
This week on the podcast we delve yet again in the world of killer kid movies. We have watched quite a few in the past, including the next level psycho antics of The Paperboy, but none have ever been banned from a country before. That’s right, this weeks movie, Mikey from 1992, was actually banned in the UK. It stars Brian Bonsall, of Blank Check fame, as the psychotic little maniac Mikey. Mikey is a trouble child who goes from one adopted family to another and when things don’t go his way Mikey is ready to play. This kid is not only super crazy, he also video tapes and watches the murders he commits. Unlike most of the kids in these killer kid movies, Mikey is insanely smart and very quick on his feet when it comes to planning and killing on the fly. So while schedules have been a little crazy as of late, we still managed to get a brand new episode up. Though, this one was quite impromptu and only features Corey along with past guest Pat.
Yes, I know….where have we been? We took last week off unannounced and this week only a half episode! Well in this half episode we give you a small update as far as when we will return and some upcoming movies we will be taking a look at. Stay tuned and fear not faithful listeners, we will be back next week on June 11th!
With the recent release of the all new Godzilla movie, we here at B Movie Breakdown decided why not flip through the vast Godzilla library and choose one of the classics. The film we chose was Godzilla Vs Megalon, the one Godzilla movie that wasn’t even meant to be a Godzilla movie. It was actually meant to be a vehicle for Toho’s answer to Ultraman, Jet Jaguar, but when test audiences wanted nothing to do with Jet Jaguar they decided to throw Godzilla and Gigan in the mix to spice things. As for the film itself, when the undersea nation of Seatopia sends the gigantic god Megalon to destroy the world above – and it’s up to Godzilla and a size-shifting robot, Jet Jaguar, to defeat him. You can tell this movie was put together at the last minute, but the ending fight sequence is well worth watching this entry in the Godzilla universe. Also, we were joined by two special guests, Nick Tyranno and Alex Simotes.
This week on the podcast, we learned that Gina doesn’t get to pick a movie for a while. The movie she chose was the 1992 sci-fi flick ‘Freejack,’ starring Emilio Estavez and Mick Jagger. Yes folks, Mick Jagger is one of the top billed actors in this movie. Bounty hunters from the future transport a doomed race-car driver to 2009 New York, where his mind will be replaced with that of a dying billionaire. When he escapes he becomes a Freejack and must….find out….keep running…stop the evil….well if you’ve seen this movie you will also feel the same way. This movie is not only awful and boring, but it spend almost two whole hours telling a story, or lack there of, just to completely throw it away in the last minutes of the movie! It’s been a while since we’ve watched something so frustrating and hard to sit through.
This week on the podcast we witnessed The Battle Of The Tough Guys in 1989’s ‘No Holds Barred.’ Not only was this Hulk Hogan’s first film as the lead, it was also the first film ever put out by the WWE themselves and you could tell. Apparently re-written by Hogan and Vince McMahon, this movie is one insane scene to another. Hulk Hogan plays Rip ,the World Wrestling Federation champion, who is faithful to his fans and the network he wrestles for. Brell, the new head of the World Television Network, wants Rip to wrestle for his network. Rip refuses and this drives Brell crazy. Still looking for a way to raise ratings, Brell initiates a show called “The Battle of the Tough Guys”, a violent brawling competition where a mysterious man, Zeus, wins the competition. From here its an all out war between Brell & Zeus vs Rip!
After a week off we are back with an all new episode of the podcast! This week on B Movie Breakdown we watched ‘The Peanut Butter Solution’ from 1985. This movie has easily broken into the ranks of one of the best worst movies of all time. Yes folks it’s that insane….Troll 2/Mac & Me insane. SO many crazy and absurd things happen in this movie that we had a hard time figuring out where to start. Eleven-year-old Michael loses all of his hair when he gets a fright and uses a potion, given to him by two ghosts of recently deceased hobos, to get his hair back. Little does he know, too much peanut butter can cause things to get a bit hairy. But this movie has so much more going on that just this hairy situation. There are so man WTF moments in this movie that we won’t spoil them here, so head over to YouTube and watch the movie for yourself and then come back here and check out Episode 75!
Hey everyone! Sorry this post is late but things have been a little hectic over here at the BMB Headquarters. But fear not faithful listeners we are still here and ready to bring you a whole new batch of wild and whacky episodes of the podcast you know and love. We didn’t plan on taking this week off, but life happens and we had to postpone the recording of Episode 75: The Peanut Butter Situation due to some unforeseen circumstances. So Corey, Gina, & Ryan will all be back on Wednesday, April 23, 2014 with a brand spanking new episode of B Movie Breakdown. If you want to watch the movie before you listen to Episode 75, you can find the movie in full on YouTube, just search ‘The Peanut Butter Solution.’ This movie, like a lot of them, was requested by a fan of the show; so if you have a movie you would like us to breakdown, let us know!!
This week on the podcast we take a break from the usual format of discussing some B Movie of the past or present. Each of us have made a list of 3 of the worst movies we have ever seen. The films on the lists are all on there for many reasons, whether the amount of disappointment retained from it or it just being so unbearably bad these films rank low in our minds. What we want you, the listener to do, is to tell us your top 3 worst movies of all time and we will read them all off on the next episode of B Movie Breakdown.
This week on the podcast we punish the guilty with the 1989 comic book movie, The Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren. While Dolph is mostly recognized for playing Ivan Drago in Rock IV and He-Man in Masters Of The Universe, it seems most people forget all about his role as The Punisher. A Marvel character that, to some, never got the best treatment on film and to others they really like the Thomas Jane one. While we here at B Movie Breakdown do enjoy all of the Punisher movies to date, this honestly has to be our favorite. It has that great 80s action feel and truly does the character justice for the most part. Yes, we know he doesn’t where the famous shirt and the acting isn’t the greatest, but it deserves more credit than people give it. It’s crazy violent, full of swearing, and is just enough ‘over the top’ to not be absurd. Yeah it has some cheesy dialogue, but thats the charm of an 80’s action movie, right?
This week on the podcast we watched 1994’s ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, starring Academy Award winners Matthew McConaughy and Renee Zellweger. After all these years, the legend is still buzzing about in the backwoods of Texas. While the film begins with the typical teens lost in the woods horror movie trope, the rest of this movie is beyond any other in the series. It goes onto suggest the Sawyer (or as IMDB says Slaughter) Family has actually been doing the dirty work of some sort of Illuminati organization this whole time. Not only does it give us that, but also now Leatherface is some sort of transexual and has a brother named Vilmer (McConaughy) with a robotic leg. While this movie is over the top and awful, Matthew McConaughy actually delivers one hell of a performance. The last 10-15 minutes of this movie are so confusing and messy, it leaves you with about a billion questions left unanswered.
When you hear that there was an adaptation of The Phantom Of The Opera made in 1989, starring Robert Englund, you probably think its going to be a bloody and cheesy take on it, right? Especially when the poster says “First he was Freddy, now he’s The Phantom,” right? Well, you would be very wrong; just like we were. This adaptation, while much more of a horror movie than any others, is actually said to be the most faithful adaptation to the Gaston Leroux original novel. Aside from the present day scenes in the beginning and end, it’s a very serious take on The Phantom. It does have some somewhat gory parts, along with some great makeup effects when he is putting on and taking off his face, but over all was pretty much a snoozefest. Speaking of snoozefest, one of us *cough* Ryan *cough* actually fell asleep for a small section of this movie.
This week we watched a movie that was weird, wrong, and awesome on so many levels. The movie we speak of is the 1988 cult classic ‘Hell Comes To Frogtown,’ starring the one and only Rowdy Roddy Piper! Most know Piper from his days as a professional wrestler or from the bubble gum chewing hero from ‘They Live,’ but very few know that he followed up ‘They Live’ with this over the top gem. The film is set in an post-apocalyptic wasteland where few fertile men and women exist due to atomic fallout and, as a result, the government places a high priority on those that can still breed. In comes Sam Hell, played by Piper, who is captured by the women ruled government and given a mission to rescue fertile women from Frogtown and fuck for freedom. Will Sam Hell make it out of Frogtown alive? Will he breed, like he’s never bred before? Will he defeat the leader of the frog-people Commander Toadie? Watch the movie in full on YouTube then listen to Episode 70 to find out!
While scouring the bowels of Netflix hell, we came across ‘Cloak & Dagger’ from 1984. While we all miss the way children’s movies used to be a bit more edgey, for example Goonies & Gremlins, this takes it to a whole new level. The film is centered around 11-year-old Davey, whose mother is dead and whose father doesn’t spend nearly enough time with him. When he accidentally comes into possession of a spy group’s secret Cloak & Dagger Atari 5200 game, the adventure really begins. He must learn to rely on himself, his best friend Kim, and his imaginary pal Jack Flack to save his skin. This kid is constantly shot at, almost stabbed, and almost run over, not to mention blown sky high via a bomb made just to blow up a little girl. The bad guys in this go to some crazy extremes to kill this kid, even after they have the game cartridge they are looking for.
This week on the podcast we took a real doozey of a trip with the 2007 horror flick ‘Shrooms.’ The film follows 3 couples that head to Ireland for shroom picking season….which is apparently a thing. Once out in the middle of nowhere, spooky tales of ancient Irish druids and psychopaths who killed 78 people come about to put our characters in a typical people in the woods/slasher movie element with a dash of shroom tripping. The movie turns into a huge mess very soon after this, we don’t know how many times we said, “What is going on?” while watching this movie. It all comes to a close with a huge cop out of an ending to piss us all off and leave us tripping in anger.
Most video game movies are bad. Most are so bad they never get a sequel. Well the first Mortal Kombat movie wasn’t all that bad and made a ton of money, so of course they made a sequel. The only thing is…could this sequel be as good, if not better than the first? HELL NO! ‘Mortal Kombat Annihilation’ picks up LITERALLY where the first movie ends and falls apart within seconds. You know a movie is going to be bad when they re-cast almost all of the main characters from the first one, except for two. If you are looking for a movie with poor acting, anticlimactic death scenes, and all of your favorite characters from the video game completely wasted, then this movie is for you. By the end of this one, we felt like we only had six days until the world was going to end from an extra-dimensional invasion.
This week on the podcast we watched RAD from 1986, starring Talia Shire and Lori Loughlin. The film’s story focuses on Cru Jones, a young BMX racer, who lives in a small town with his mother and sister. Cru is faced with a tough life changing decision: the qualifying races for Helltrack are the same day as his SATs, which he must take in order to attend college! However, winning Helltrack means a lucrative sponsorship deal and instant fame. Cru chooses the latter option, ignoring his mother’s wishes. Along the way he meets Christian, who he immediately falls in love with after they have an EPIC bike dance off. This movie is full of bike montages, ass sliding montages, training montages, and more montages! If you love BMX, the 80’s, and montages, then this is the movie for you. Do you have what it takes to be RAD?
This week on the podcast, for the first time ever, the movie we have chosen was literally just released in theaters this past weekend. The movie we speak of is none other than I, Frankenstein starring Aaron Eckhart. It’s opening weekend box office take was only $8.3 million, on a budget of $65 million. We figured, if we are going to see this abomination, why not go all out; so we saw it in IMAX 3D! Yes, this movie was actually released in IMAX….if you can believe that. The tale takes us on the journey of Frankenstein’s monster as he is stuck in a war between demons and gargoyles. Throughout the movie there is tons of fighting, fighting, and did I mention fighting. If we were all 10 years old and watching this movie, we would have loved every single second of this disasterpiece. So enjoy episode 65 as we discuss 2014’s I, Frankenstein.
This week’s movie, Color Of Night, may be one of the oddest recommendations we have ever received. I mean when listener Leo Logan told us he wanted us to do a movie starring Bruce Willis, the 3 of us obviously assumed he was going to say the infamous Hudson Hawk…well what we got was something even more ridiculous. Yes, that’s right, even more ridiculous than Hudson Hawk! Who knows why, at possibly the height of his career, Willis thought doing this movie was a great idea. This movie has some of the oddest music choices, odd editing, a whacky who dunnit plot, off the wall dialogue, and an insane sex scene that includes a quick glimpse at Little Bruno. The film, also starring Scott Bakula, Brad Dourif, & Lance Henrickson, is about a color-blind psychiatrist who is stalked by an unknown killer after taking over his murdered friend’s therapy group, all of whom have a connection to a mysterious young woman that he begins having intense sexual encounters with.
The day has come….the first brand new episode of B Movie Breakdown of 2014!! That’s right we are back and kicking things off with the 1984 controversial horror film Silent Night, Deadly Night. This movie haa been a long time coming on the podcast and had been requested multiple times over the past 62 episodes, so what better time than the first episode of 2014. If you are unaware, the movie is about a young boy who watches his parents get murdered by a man in a Santa suit. He spends his youth in an orphanage, staying quietly to his self, but his mind is further bent by an ironhanded Mother Superior. He ends up getting a job at a toy store, where he finally snaps when he is required to wear a Santa suit, and goes on a killing spree to punish the naughty.
Fear not faithful listeners, we have not forgot about you over this holiday break! So sorry for not updating you sooner, but the three of us have been so busy with the holidays that we sadly forgot to upload our half episode explaining that we will be taking a small break. We will be back January 15th, 2014 with a brand spanking new episode of B Movie Breakdown!
This week on the podcast we learn that snow dad is better than no dad, in the 1998 Christmas movie Jack Frost. Not to be confused with the horror movie we covered in Episode 10, this movie does feature a man transforming into a snowman except without all the murder. THIS Jack Frost stars Michael Keaton as musician…well…Jack Frost who fronts The Jack Frost Band. On his way home from cancelling a gig, to see his family, he gets in an abrupt car accident only to return one year later as a snowman. How does he return as a snowman, you ask? Well…we aren’t really sure other than his kid plays a harmonica with no magical powers and all of a sudden the snowman comes alive. This movie is creepy on so many levels and throws so much logic out the window, it’s pretty obvious why it bombed so hard at the box office. It is available on Netflix, so if you’re in the mood for an interesting family holiday movie, then this one is for you!
Each year there is always the “BIG TOY.” In the late 80s and early 90s it was Cabbage Patch Kids. In the late 90’s it was Tickle Me Elmo. And in the fictional world of 1998’s Jingle All The Way, it was TURBOMAN! Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad are after that ever so special Turboman doll in this Christmas classic that is also a satire on commercialism. Also starring Phil Hartman was the super creepo neighbor, who in our opinion steals the entire movie. Just goes to show, even in a smaller role in a over the top silly holiday movie Phil Hartman was always on his game. Now many will argue that this isn’t a “B Movie,” but not only does it share many qualities of a typical B Movie, it also includes a 20 min scene where a child doesn’t recognize his own father by his face, let alone he is probably the only person in Minnesota with an Austrian accent…I think that makes it a contender. It’s Turbo Time!
Twas the night before Thanksgiving, when on a drunk podcast. Not a single beer was left, not even a Pabst. The movie we chose starred the manly Reb Brown. Yor, The Hunter From The Future did not make us frown. The boys were still laughing with beers in their hands. While Gina’s level of tolerance greatly expands. And that’s about it for this lovely B Movie Breakdown poem, because the movie we watched this week warranted us getting as drunk as we did. We do apologize for the levels of silliness in this episode, but Yor brought that out in us for sure. Reb Brown plays the “future” barbarian looking to find himself as he battles ape like men and many Darth Vaders. Oh and we almost forgot to mention Yor’s amazing theme song and badass hair! Go watch this movie on Amazon Instant Watch then enjoy this lovely and silly episode of the podcast!
This week Ryan and Corey are Gina-less as they watch 1992’s Bebe’s Kids, a movie that is so fine it will make you want to get a job. A movie we all loved growing up, because it had bad language and wasn’t the typical animated fluff we were used to. A movie that to this day people still quote, especially the line “We don’t die, we multiply.” Sadly, this movie is a product of it’s time and doesn’t hold up whatsoever. The main draw was that it was a cartoon you weren’t supposed to watch and it really wasn’t 100% for kids and I think that’s why we all liked it so much. For those of you who don’t know, Bebe’s Kids is about Robin Harris recounting his disastrous first date with the ever so beautiful Jamika. Tagging along for the date are Jamika’s mild-mannered son Leon and Jamika’s friend Bebe’s three rude and obnoxious kids to a theme park called Fun World.
This week on the podcast, we take a look at a modern day classic, 2011’s MANBORG! A movie that looks like one massive SEGA CD game is certainly right up our alley. Count Draculon and his HELL army seek to take over Earth during the HELL WARS. A soldier is killed attempting to fight the Count, then transformed into MANBORG after his body is fitted with robotics. After MANBORG becomes active in Mega-Death City, he meets with resistance fighters against The Barron & Count Draculon. With the help of Justice, Mina, & #1 Man; MANBORG must destroy Count Draculon and reclaim Earth once and for all!!
This week on the podcast we take on one of the most insane and ridiculous movies of all time, the 2011 Ross Patterson film Poolboy: Drowning Out The Fury. We previously covered Ross’s other movie, FDR: American Badass, early on in the history of the podcast. This movie within a movie within a movie is about the never before seen fictional film Poolboy 2: Drowning Out The Fury. We get the behind the scenes with director St. James St James, who directed it when he was only 10 years old, and most of the actual “movie” itself. It stars Kevin Sorbo as Jan Van Hammer as The Poolboy and is so mind blowingly funny you will lose your mind. This movie is intentionally bad and hits the nail on the head. Its the ultimate culmination of late 80s/early 90s action movies with the crazy behind the scenes antics of a movie deemed to racially insensitive for public viewing. We highly recommend you go on Netflix and watch this movie before listening, but maybe our discussion will inspire you to do so.
Before we take a short break from horror movies, we end our month long marathon with the forgotten 1993 horror anthology made for tv movie, Body Bags. Directed by John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper, this little gem was overshadowed by the hit series Tales From The Crypt and forgotten about for decades…until now! Not only are we watching & discussing this week, but Scream Factory is also putting the film out on blu ray as well! The movie features very interesting stories and features the likes of Robert Caradine, Wes Craven, Tom Arnold, Stacy Keach, Debbie Harry, and Mark Hamil. Hamil provides easily the best performance in the segment, The Eye! If you don’t have the time to get the movie on blu ray, you can watch it in full on YouTube, and then buy it on blu ray after.
This week we have a movie so frightening you may NEVER recover! That’s right, in this episode we take a look at the 1982 underrated slasher film Visiting Hours. Deborah is a controversial middle-aged TV journalist, who is campaigning on air on behalf of a battered woman who murdered her abusive husband, claiming justifiable defense against the so-called victim. But her outspoken views on women’s rights incense one of the studio’s cleaning staff, closet homicidal psycho Colt Hawker. Colt, played my the underrated Michael Ironside, has some deep seated issues despising all things female, that occurred from seeing his Mother throwing boiling oil in the face of his abusive Father when he was a small child. On his first attack she somehow manages to survive, which leads to her being bed-ridden in a hospital and the true terror begins.
8 more days till Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! 8 more days till Halloween! Sil-ver Shamrock!! If you have seen this week’s movie, you will have the tune to that song in your head instantly when reading it, as it is played like 100 times throughout the movie. And well speaking of the movie, this week we continue our month long horror movie marathon with 1982’s Halloween III: Season Of The Witch. Now most people truly hate this movie for not featuring Michael Myers, but if you remember the end of II he was blown to pieces in the hospital. So, John Carpenter and the rest of his crew wanted to get away from Michael and turn the franchise into an anthology series in which each movie just takes place on Halloween. This revolves around an evil Irish novelty company plotting to murder all of the children in the USA with their ever so popular Halloween masks.
Flesh to flesh…skin to skin…tell a secret, die for your sin! What better time than the month of October to watch a movie that truly defines the words creepy and psychopath. Since it is that time of year, all month long we will be featuring a different horror movie and the first one happens to be chosen by one of you! We would like to thank Bryan Butt for this weeks movie, 1994’s The Paperboy. Disturbed paperboy Johnny McFarley murders an his elderly only to lure her family from the city out to the country. Why you may ask? Well because he wants to be a part of their family! As each day passes the Johnny tries to make friends with the family. Once the family sees what a sicko he is, they banish him from their lives. Then the terror truly begins, I mean this kid is pure bat shit crazy. He makes Leatherface look like a saint. Seriously, for a performance by a child, this is some next level crazy and creepiness.
Well folks, here it is! The one year anniversary episode of B Movie Breakdown! In the past year we have watched some unreal movies, had some unreal guests, and even had a change in co-hosts, but we are still coming at you as strong as ever. What better way to celebrate one full year of podcasting, than by cracking open some brews and watching one of the most ridiculous movies ever, Hard Ticket To Hawaii! This movie has it all: boobs, guns, explosions, frisbees with razor blades, cancer infect snakes, and more boobs. The agents of “the agency” must take down Seth Romero and his drug ring, all while looking out for a deadly escaped snake and making sure their shirts come off in almost every scene. I mean, how many movies during the end credits have a boob montage? So head over to YouTube, where you can watch this movie in full, or buy the Andy Sidaris collection on amazon for $5; and enjoy this masterpiece with us! We would like to thank all of you for the support over the past year!!
This week prepare for a beat off, as we are blessed yet again with a movie from Alamo Drafthouse Films. The movie we speak of is 2011’s THE FP, directed by The Trost Bros. In Frazier Park, their is only one way to settle things; an intense match up of Beat Beat Revelation. When JTRO’s brother BTRO gets 187’d when beating off against L Dubba E, from the rival 248’s, JTRO must reevaluate his life and see if the FP is truly worth defending. Join us and in following JTRO on his journey in this epic tale of love and revenge.
We’ve all been in this scenario: in a tower playing/acting out a role playing game when a crazy baboon, we thought was dead, kills everyone; right? Well if you haven’t you are in for a treat as this week on the podcast we discuss the 1990 film SHAKMA! Poor little SHAKMA is tortured in a lab by none other than Lightnin’ himself, Christopher Atkins. Just when they think the test monkey gone wild is put to sleep, he awakens to ruin their fun little game of…well we have no idea; some sort of live action rpg crossed with a computer tracking system. Will everyone survive the night in the tower with SHAKMA on the looose or will SHAKMA be reign over all? Watch the movie on Netflix, then listen in as we try to tame this wild beast!
This week on the podcast we discuss one of the greatest B Movies of all time! A movie that, until last year, had never seen the light of day (except like 8 theaters in Florida). And all thanks to Alamo Drafthouse films, MIAMI CONNECTION was able to be released and shown to the masses. Joining me (Corey) this week is Timmy Blaze & Chris from The T-Dawg Blizzlepops Comsey Stand Show to dicuss a movie far greater than Troll 2, Mac & Me, and The Room! In Orlando the Tai-Kwon-Do synth-rock band Dragon Sound must stop the Miami Ninja and get rid of their stupid cocaine! Does the band have what it take to defeat these ninjas and continue performing at the local night club, with dreams of a violence free world tour? Just wait and see! WE 100% RECOMMEND WATCHING THIS MOVIE!!
We’ve all heard the tall tale of Paul Bunyan, but never have we seen this side of the giant and his big blue ox, Babe! This week Corey is joined by friends of the show Gina & Ryan to discuss the 2013 film ‘Axe Giant: The Wrath Of Paul Bunyan.” In 1894, some rude ass hunters killed Paul’s only friend, Babe The Blue Ox, which drove Paul Bunyan to go on a killing spree and be shunned by the one woman he loved. Since then he has been hiding and growing larger in his bachelor cave, that is until a group of first time offenders disturb the resting place of his only friend. Will Sgt. Holke’s Magic Bus of criminals, trying to turn their lives around, make it out of the woods alive or will the wrath of Paul Bunyan consume them all?
Grab an assault rifle and a grenade launcher, because we’re going back to school – WAY back to 1990’s dystopian mayhem-fest, Class of 1999! We love these dark future stories with no basis in reality. By 1999, school violence has risen so dramatically all across the country that the police have completely ceded the areas around schools to the gangs, but somehow still have the power to force gangbangers more heavily armed than a terrorist cell to go to class. Into this environment returns former gang member Cody Culp, who is paroled from his prison sentence for sniffing Leggos on the condition that he goes to class. Unfortunately for Cody and his Black Hearted buddies, the Department of Educational Defense just started using his school as the lab for its new “Tactical Education Units,” or Terminators-turned-teachers.
When the going gets tough, the tough start punching through peoples chests! This week we’ve opium tripped our way back to 1991 to watch the gore-ily over the top Hong Kong action film Riki-Oh: The Legend of Ricky! In a dystopian future where for-profit prisons are the norm, a mysterious, honorable stranger named Ricky is put behind bars for killing drug gang leaders. He soon finds out that his cell block is populated with thugs of Dragonball Z level power that no prison could ever hold, but for some reason, does.
So a nun, a Jamaican and a fat guy walk into an amusement park… If this sounds like a set-up for a joke, it is – but you’ll be laughing for all the wrong reasons when you join us for the final film in the 3 Ninjas quadrilogy: 1998’s 3 Ninjas Knuckle Under er, 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain!
Deep in the jungles of Borneo, an ancient evil alien/dinosaur/Predator has been resurrected by a mad scientist, and it’s out for… cerebro-spinal fluid! Or something! This week we’ve paddled our way back down the River of Time to catch Mark Dacascos in 1997’s chimerical ripoff horror movie, DNA! Ash is an American doctor working in Borneo out of the kindness of his heart, until the evil Dr. Wessinger tricks him into helping him find a beetle that will make his cloned dinosaur killing machine nearly invincible. To atone for his mistake, Ash teams up with a pathetic CIA operative who advertises her job on her luggage and snaps pics for Instagram the whole movie. Once into the jungle, they spend more time fighting Wessinger’s goons than the creature, and end up resorting to a Nerf missile launcher to take down the killer in one of worst finishing moves we’ve seen in years. And even though a kid dies, Ash and Claire kinda sorta end up in love. Or something. The end.
With the fall semester quickly approaching, may we suggest enrolling in South Beach Academy? It’s the perfect destination for matriculation for bright-eyed, horn dog college freshmen with its non-existant classrooms, semi-nude beach and high stakes gambling on beach volleyball. Hey, it’s what Corey Feldman would do. This week we’ve softcore banged our way back to 1996 with Nicky Tyranno to check out director Joe Esposito’s first and last film. And my God, did he go out on top!
Some movies are meant to left alone for all eternity, never to be seen by the human eye. One of those movies happens to be 1995’s Smoke ‘n’ Lightnin! This week DRC is on vacay, so Corey went out and recruited some fellow podcasters to take this journey into the bottom of B Movie Hell. From The T-Dawg Blizzlepops Comsey Stand Show, we have Timmy Blaze and Chris joining the podcast for an epic midwest podcast crossover as we discuss this “wondeful” buddy action flick. Smoke & Lightnin are your average mechanics until they decide to take a joy ride in an FBI Agents car and stumble upon a briefcase, which leads them on an whacky adventure. Along the way these two knuckleheads are chased by a bad guy (how they refer to him), fall in love with some bodacious babes, and in the end, I guess, save the day. Go watch it for yourself on Netflix, and enjoy all the car chases and cheesy one liners from this movie very few have probably ever seen.
Maybe it’s a B Movie, maybe it’s not, but either way we’re driving out to the boonies for a seat at the Double Deuce to watch 1989’s action classic Road House! Patrick Swayze goes crazy as the infamous “cooler” James Dalton when he’s hired to straighten out one of the most violent bars in ever down in Missouri. Dalton has an angsty and violent past he’d rather forget and put behind him. Unfortunately, the town is controlled by a millionaire and his thugs who seem to think blatant vandalism, arson and driving a monster truck through a car dealership are acceptable behavior. But when the going gets tough, the tough start ripping out throats! Dalton’s one man killing spree gets about as much attention from the local cops as the thugs’ shenanigans, leaving us free to enjoy the boobs that Kelly Lynch wouldn’t deliver last week as she has public sex with Dalton in the lake where he dumped his first victim. And they say romance is dead.
And KABOOM goes the dynamite! Terminator TSCC’s Thomas Dekker stars in indie director Gregg Araki’s 2010 apocalyptic/sexual awakening drama Kaboom. We’re joined again by guest star P-Lof for this polarizing presentation which left some of us cold – and one of us HOT!
Walk tall! Be proud! Become a Goomba! We’re joined by guests Nicky Tyranno and P-Lof this week as we steal Jerry O’Connell’s Sliders gizmo to travel to alternate universe Brooklyn to watch 1993’s Super Mario Bros. When Hollywood forces a beloved video game through their puerile reversioning filter, everybody loses.
Welcome to Zombieland! (Sort of.) We spend one last week in the awesome 80s with Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo in 1988’s ridiculous undead buddy cop movie Dead Heat. Roger Mortis has 12 hours to solve a murder… his OWN! Roger and his smartass partner Doug Bigelow don’t seem to mind seeing a dozen of their fellow cops getting gunned down by zombie jewel thieves, but when Roger himself ends up as one of the walking dead, suddenly it’s a tragedy that must be avenged.
When Sly’s hat turns backwards, it’s clobberin’ time! We’ve arm wrestled our way back to 1987 to watch Sylvester Stallone’s hammy father/son bonding movie, Over the Top. Joined again by guest Nicky Tyranno, we dive into the cross country adventures of trucker/amateur arm wrestler Lincoln Hawk. After abandoning his son for never explained reasons, Hawk tries to force some bonding time with his now 12 year old boy, but li’l Mikey would rather kill himself in traffic than hang with his dear old dad. That is until Hawk sleeps with him (no incesto), they do a father/son workout together and Hawk forces Mikey into an arm wrestling match with a local punk, then they’re somehow right as rain.
Things are about to get hairy for the Shaver family! Joining us for our bad puns this week is former guest Nicky Tyranno as we slog our way through 1989’s awful “comedy” with no idea what it wants to be, My Mom’s A Werewolf. Susan Blakely plays frustrated mom Leslie Shaver, whose family life is marred by a fat, lazy husband who ignores her both emotionally and sexually. When daddy dipshit blows off her latest advances in favor of football, bros and pot roast, Leslie gets swept off her feet by a toe biting stranger with a mysterious smile and a goldfish martini. After some strange almost-maybe sex, Leslie goes through the Big Change, eating raw meat and trying to fuck her daughter’s friend in the bathroom.
Is that a horse head bookend in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us? This week we’ve wood worked our way back to 1981 to watch one of the first (and possibly best) parodies of the slasher genre: Student Bodies. The students of Lamab High are some of the horniest film teens we’ve ever seen. Unfortunately for them, they’re all being stalked by a sexually frustrated serial killer with a fetish for weird murder weapons.
Remember those corny beach party movies of the 60s? Well, we decided to go back to the 80s to see Frankie and Annette’s (or rather, “Annette’s Husband” and Annette’s) tongue-in-cheek homage to those saccharine little classics in 1987’s Back to the Beach. Having left their beach days behind some 20 years ago, everybody’s favorite couple has become quite the douchers: Frankie is a soulless wet blanket of a car salesman and Annette has turned into a mindless shopaholic Stepford Wife who forces her family to subsist on a steady diet of Skippy peanut butter, Campbell’s soup and Spam (with cream sauce!).
Here comes the devil and four black stallions on my ass! This week we’ve slipped back to 1982 to check Scott Baio’s screwball Carrie-inspired comedy, Zapped! Before Charles got put in charge, Baio and Willie Aames starred in this precursor to Chronicle, about geeky teen Barney who gets telekinetic powers and flips out, using them to strip the whole town naked. Poor Barney.
When the goin’ gets tough, the tough get dancin’! This week we’ve gone back to 1984 to tangle with one of the most infamous bad sequels of all time, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. Considering that this sequel was made and released the same year as the original, it’s a wonder it didn’t turn out even worse than it did. Breakers Kelly, Ozone and Turbo (or, as I like to call them, Special K, Shabba-Doo and Boogaloo Shrimp) are back with a mission, except when they’re starting riot level flash mobs and dancing aimlessly from scene to scene.
Get ready for hookers, softcore porn music and a sexy lady vampire. Is this the latest offering from Skin-emax’s ‘After Dark’ lineup? Nope, it’s a second season episode of 1996’s X-Files rip-off, Baywatch Nights! This sobering warning against the dangers of nighttime jogging has The Hoff and his gang on the trail of a hilariously obvious vampire seductress. One would think this murder case would be high on the LAPD’s priority list, but the local department is packing up and leaving town, inexplicably deferring to lifeguard/P.I. Mitch at every turn.
“Just close your eyes and take the money, okay?” were most likely the words LL Cool J actually advised to Chris Klein following their bending over to take this ass-ramming to their careers in 2002’s repulsive remake, Rollerball. You know you’re in for a bad time when you find out that one of the movie’s own stars slammed it while he was out promoting it. In the dystopian future of 2005, star athlete/adrenaline junkie Jonathan Cross gets recruited by his “high school” buddy Marcus Ridley to compete in Rollerball, a violent hybrid of roller derby, wrestling and lacrosse (sort of) in Russia, Asia and Eastern Europe.
Gather ‘round now everyone. It’s almost time for this week’s review of 1983’s cult classic Sleepaway Camp! We’d hate for you to miss out on this one – no, that wouldn’t do at all. Ah, low budget indie slasher flicks are a breath of fresh air among today’s Hollywood dreck. You see, at Camp Arawak, young men actually get to be MEN: pranking, swearing, shit talking and chasing girls instead of getting ball busted by them. In spite of the friendlier environment, some haters have managed to sneak into the camp, but fortunately Aunt Martha’s disturbed little niece knows the nuts (see what I did there?) and bolts of dealing with these miscreants. Sadly, Angela’s teen angst has a body count that’s a little too high, and she ends up taking out not just the haters and pedos, but regular dudes who just like to prank and hurl a few insults. But nothing, and we mean NOTHING, can prepare you for the surprise ending that will sear itself into your memory for the rest of your life.
Sorry we’re a day late this week – mama got sick in Biloxi. That and our time machine broke down on our way back from 1993 where we watched Jean-Claude Van Damme and John Woo’s American film debut: Hard Target. Cajun hobo/vigilante ex-Merchant Marine Van Damme decides to help Yancy Butler find and avenge her father in exchange for the $217 he needs to buy his way back into the Seaman’s Union. (No, really.) Unfortunately, they run afoul of Lance Henriksen and Arnold Vosloo’s multi-million dollar hobo hunting industry and are forced to fight for their lives, but an army of highly trained, heavily armed goons is no match for Van Damme’s endless supply of bullets and roundhouse kicks!
ButterCreamers never say die, right boys? Oh wait, that was a different, much better movie than the one we watched this week – 1992’s The ButterCream Gang, from Christian-y production house Feature Films for Families. Triple F-Bomb Pictures here does for the gang membership problem what Fireproof did for marital strife, which is to say not very much. Pete, Scott, Lanny and Eldon are part of a small town good ol’ boys’ “gang” where they play doctor, sheriff, errand boy and all-around whipped little bitch for their town’s dumbest and most enfeebled residents.
We hope you like big fake boobies, because that’s about all Pamela Anderson brings to the table this week in 1996’s futuristic action romp Barb Wire. In the film that narrowly lost the Razzie Award for Worst Picture 1996, disenfranchised mercenary Barb “Wire” Kopetski tries to eke out a living in the embattled city of Steel Harbor. Barb’s world is one part Mad Max, one part Johnny Mnemonic, one part Casablanca and ALL camp, as the constant barrage of strip teases, overblown gun fights and sexual torture will demonstrate. Sadly, big boobs (or abs and a baby face) alone do not an action hero make, and Pam’s performance is more wooden than her male admirers’ members after the opening scene.
Well, look what the rat puked up! Our teen/young adult nostalgia for WCW takes almost as many shots to the nuts as are delivered in this week’s pick, 2000’s comedy “classic,” Ready To Rumble! Gordie and Sean are two twenty-something losers who escape the drudgery of their job pumping port-a-potties by living vicariously through fictional wrestler Jimmy King. When their tickets to WCW’s “Monday Night Nitro” buy them a front row seat to the King’s dethroning, our boys take to cross-country hitchhiking and cyber-stalking to find their fallen idol and force him back into title contention against Diamond Dallas Page and scumbag promoter Joe Pantoliano.
It takes a very special movie to weave rape, sexual torture, genital mutilation and infanticide into a light-hearted “family” comedy, and did we ever find one this week with 1991’s Meet the Applegates! We’re not sure if this is an example of militant environmentalism or a parody of the same, but this family of genocidal giant mantises masquerading as humans makes our past broken B movie families look like The Brady Bunch.
join us this week as we witness true manly heroics with John Steele in 1987’s Steele Justice! The Karate Kid’s Martin Kove turns in a wonderfully wooden performance as the shellshocked Vietnam vet who gives no fucks about the laws of God or man, has a deadly pet snake named 3 Step and trains by doing squats with an unweighted broomstick. When John’s backstabbing nemesis from ‘Nam resurfaces and murders his old war buddy, Steele springs into action. But he isn’t being recruited – he’s being UNLEASHED! (That’s an actual line from the movie! Fucking fantastic!) The resulting chaos is a mashup of every 80s action movie cliché, but taken to a ridiculous, poorly executed extreme. Epic 80s action songs, a music video, and explosions for no reason, plus the added racism of every Asian person knowing martial arts and being evil. After slaughtering all his Asian enemies, Steele is able to ride off into the sunset, shrugging off the laundry list of felonies he’s committed to achieve his victory.
We’re warping back to 1997 with Lerigot’s magical key to fight alongside the Power Rangers in their second big screen adventure, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. Joining us this week is our old podcasting partner in crime, Dino Punk Nicky Tyranno. This film was a disappointment to anyone with half a brain cell, as Power Rangers’ writers decided to take everything that worked in the first film and flush it down the toilet to give us the most watered-down, pussified non-violent movie about violent superheroes ever. Want to see something awesome like the Oozemen fight?
Well, to anybody that watched 1985’s The Rape of Richard Beck – we’re sorry. Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear gives you shit dick. To call Richard Beck insensitive would be a massive understatement. A hardened homicide detective who acts like a TV cop and believes rape victims deserve their abuse, Beck’s callous release of a rape suspect ironically gets him reassigned to Seattle’s sex crimes division.
Is YOUR marriage fireproof? We hope not, because we’d hate for anyone to have a relationship as dysfunctional and antagonistic as Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea have in this Christian melodrama. This week we’re tackling 2008’s Fireproof, an indie morality tale that shows that you don’t have to have good acting, chemistry or a compelling romance to clean up at the box office – as long as you have a religious “message” to preach to the choir.
This episode is brought to you by Cyagra™ – giving you that porn size & endurance you yearn for! This week we take a ride in a van with a stranger with 2012’s Creep Van, and the results are surprisingly okay. After failing as a male gigolo and a pizza delivery guy, happy-go-lucky loser Campbell gets a job at a car wash and tries to game his coworker Amy, who may or may not be a ball-busting bitch. When all his new endeavors are thwarted by not having his own ride, Campbell tries to buy a shitty van from a mysterious Creep who did not at all need to be mysterious.
“What are we watching this week?” ROCKULA – WHO’S ASKIN’?! Due to Youtube being a dick, we’ve had to change this week’s selection to 1990’s musical(?) rock romance Rockula. While life may have given us lemons, we’re so glad it did, or we might not have managed to dig this gem out of the muck. Before Twilight took a big Mormon shit on the vampire genre, moviegoers were treated to this ridiculous supernatural romance about the worst vampire ever and the girl that somehow loves him.
Because we couldn’t stay away from 1981, we’ve come back for The Pit’s heterosexual life partner, Bloody Birthday. Apparently we can add eclipses/weird planetary alignments to the ginger gene as causes for people to be born without souls. Diabolical Debbie, Creeper Curtis and Superfluous Steve cut a bloody swath through anybody in town who dares to cross them, get in their way or try to have sex. That’s right, nothing seems to steam the Cockblock Kids more than the sexual antics of their town’s teen population. Beverly’s awesome feather boa strip tease? UNACCEPTABLE!!! This is what happens when hate gets out of control – kids start ball busting and cockblocking as early as 10, nobody gets laid and even more psycho slashers are born as a result.
Clap it, slap it and wrap it, this week we go back to school – WAY back to 1991 for our listener request of Ghoulies 3. Glazier College is a place of extremes, with every college movie character stereotype and then some, including Bonnie the golf cart, Jeremy the “goose stepping Hitler Youth” frat leader and Veronica, the chick who’d rather work out than bang, or work out while banging, or something. When Prank Week’s “yanks” get out of control, a jealous and sexually frustrated professor summons the Three Stooges in demonic puppet form to wreak havoc on the students (racking up a massive body count of THREE). At least we’re treated to the ever-so-hot Eva La Rue as the heroine Erin who has the best one-liners, a fetish for Dustbusters and refers to herself in the third person. I hope Glazier’s still accepting applications because that school needs some men who don’t run away screaming from topless/lingerie pillow fights.
“Well, if it isn’t clumsy-stupid!” Grab some Purity Bread, this week we’re heading back to 1981 to cover our listener request of The Pit. Our protagonist Jamie is a nice, if creepy, 12 year old boy whose sexual awakening and overall social life are crushed by the hordes of merciless haters in his life. When a hideous ginger girl, a blind old lady and the school librarian all team up to stalk his life, Jamie does what any rational person would do – start listening to his murderous teddy bear and feed the haters to unexplained creatures out in the woods! Fortunately for Jamie, these pricks’ intelligence is inversely proportional to their hate, and his local law enforcement doesn’t give the slightest hint of a fuck about missing persons. Or the creatures they eventually kill. Oh, to live in this town…
Pop some No-Doz for this one – we go from best to worst in a single week! We’re dialing our time machine back to 1996 for the much-ado-about-nothing film Crossworlds. Ah, the 90s. It was a simpler time, as the horribly dated CG will show you. Plot and logic were also out the window, because when you have an artifact that lets you travel the multiverse, why NOT waste it dicking around in the desert and an office building the whole time? Josh Charles fizzles as a too-reluctant hero who’d rather stay at home and not pay his parking tickets, Andrea Roth tries to channel Cynthia Rothrock’s karate kicks, but can only execute them at a Cleopatra 2525 level, and Rutger Hauer fails as the mentor who’s on his asshole period. Add in a supervillain with demigod-like powers, but no idea how to use them and you get a movie that’s way more fun to talk about than watch. Love it or hate it though, don’t puke around here – you’ll turn inside-out.
What has two wheels and kills werewolves? We’ll give you three guesses. This week we were finally able to see a movie that we had been eagerly anticipating for nearly a year, and Ross Patterson’s FDR: American Badass did not disappoint. Get ready for Nazi werewolves, tasteless polio jokes and the Southern charm of Georgian Congressman Cleavon Buford. Oh, and titties! The pure ridiculousness of this movie had us dying the entire time; this is one of our new favorites, up there with Troll 2 and Mac and Me. We don’t want to spoil this wonderful movie any further, so please watch it before listening, but one thing’s for sure: you’ll never look at raw hot dogs the same way again.
And we are BACK! After fighting our way through the Mayan Zombie Alien Apocalypse, we are here with our first episode of 2013! Though the immediate danger of the Mayans has passed, the darkness that spawned them remains. In this uncertain time, we can only count on ONE MAN to shine a light into these shadows; ONE MAN who is not afraid to face the armies of the night, the stuff of nightmares and the boogity-boogity. And that man is… DAVID HASSELHOFF.
This week we delve into one of the best unknown gems of the 90s, Baywatch Nights, where lifeguard Mitch Buchannon moonlights as a private eye-turned paranormal investigator with the help of some very silly friends.
Having both recorded and written this prior to the Mayan Apocalypse, here’s hoping you and your loved ones are still alive and crouched in a ramshackle bunker somewhere. This week we journey back to the 80s, a time when children’s cartoons were far more plentiful, had actual stories,and every one of them, no matter how inappropriate they were for it, had to have their own Christmas special. Two children from Earth get abducted by Orko and brought to Eternia where they quickly teach all the heathen locals the meaning of Christmas – not peace or charity, but PRESENTS. A fuck ton of them. Not that they have time to open any of them, because these kids get abducted at least FOUR different times, which they seem to be fine with as long as they get their Christmas skrilla. Oh, and all this “Christmas spirit” the kids bring is supposedly more dangerous to Skeletor and Hordak than the He-Twins and Grayskull.
Perfect for our own descent into the wilds, this week we journey to the podunk town of Snowmonton, Colorado with 1996’s Jack Frost. What happens when a convicted serial killer gets hit with magic acid and merges with the plentiful snow? We get a fun little black comedy with more camp than Anawanna, of course. Even before the arrival of a murderous snowman this town has issues, from the probable domestic abuse in the Metzner household, to the 24 hour gun shop and the sheriff’s own son who “Made special!” and tries to feed his dad anti-freeze oatmeal. The strangeness of this town alone is worth the time to watch this, but seeing an extremely cheap snowman make a guy deepthroat an axe handle and bang Shannon Elizabeth with a carrot ought to hook our entire audience.
As the world barrels toward its violent end next Friday, we decided to take our time machine back 30 years to a simpler time. A time when creature makeup and effects were delightfully simpler, a time when movie sidekicks didn’t have to make sense, and a time when you could reasonably expect to see some titties for your 9 dollars and 75 cents. Some movies are good, others are bad, but 1982’s Swamp Thing is pretty neutral. What this fantasy hero lacks in providing a body count, he makes up for in throwing the bad guys around. Joining the monster formerly known as Dr. Alec Holland are a spunky scientist who’s not afraid to show a little side boob, an underage, mentally handicapped entrepreneur and a mutated midget. “How could this NOT turn out to be awesome?”, you’re probably asking. I wish I knew, but somehow Wes Craven failed us. On a brighter note, Corey and I devise a fool-proof plan to get America out of the recession – listen in, and start writing your congressmen NOW!
Rev up your Death Machine, because by order of Lord Zirpola, you are sentenced to Deathsport. Ever wonder what a Michael Bay movie would’ve looked like back in the 70s? Me neither, but we found out anyway in this week’s selection, 1978’s Deathsport! In this dystopian gladiator romp, we come dangerously close to seeing David Carradine’s package as he runs around in his underwear killing people with plastic swords and magic lasers. And because that wasn’t ridiculous enough, we were also treated to an overdose of overly loud jet sound effects and needless explosions! It’s not ALL bad, though – DC’s costar is a former Playboy Playmate. Oh yes, there WILL be titties!
Stop by the Manly Discount Centre and pick up some safety pads, cause we’re biking back to the 80s this week, with BMX Bandits! Long before Nicole Kidman was introduced to America and Tom Cruise, she Kidz Bopped it up in this 90 minute BMX commercial. In this poignant allegory of the dangers of teen drug dealing, Judy, PJ and Goose find a shady crate of souped-up “walkie-talkies” which they proceed to push to their friends for “bike” money, leading to a 45 minute chase with the local gang of “bank robbers.” Odd sexual undertones also seem to hint to a surprising resolution to the romantic triangle between our three heroes. Was Nicole Kidman’s Judy named the original Finger Cuffs after the credits roll? We’ll leave that up to our listeners, but really – YES. Yes she was.
This week we return to Springwood, Indiana, home of ugly sweater enthusiast Freddy “Fred” Krueger. With the original movie’s protagonist Nancy MIA, Freddy sets his sights on new kid Jesse and his tight man cave (you know, his bedroom with the “NO CHICKS” sign on the door – it’s tight as hell). Jesse’s the consummate player: whether he’s getting pants-ed in gym class by his best friend, pounding free beers at the bondage bar, or watching his gym teacher getting whipped naked in the shower, it’s obvious he’s only got one thing on his mind – BANGING CHICKS. Sadly, Freddy Cockblock has to derail Jesse’s game with desert road trips, spontaneous avian combustion, and worst of all, breaking Lisa’s parents’ collector’s plates. After all this mess, it’s no wonder Jesse’s actor Mark Patton said, “I’m out!”
Welcome to El Gato Grande, South America, where we take your dollars, your pesos, and your women! This week we follow the second(!) adventure of James Bond knockoff Duncan Jax in Order Of The Black Eagle, as he tries to join some G.I. Joe wannabes and take down a secret base of Neo Nazis with a giant laser and der frozen fuehrer. Honestly, how can Skyfall compete with a spy who escapes in a Da Vinci plane, drives a hydrofoil on dry land, and has a tank-driving, bird-flipping baboon as his partner? Easily. Very, very easily.
Here’s your DAPH! You know, your Dose of Awesome Podcast Hilariousness. This week Corey and I (DRC) have stumbled onto one of the true gems in the B Movie genre – 1988’s Mac And Me. This amazingly awful film has surpassed Troll 2 (at least for us) for the title of Best Worst Movie. A blatant ripoff of E.T. with the most insultingly blatant product placement I’ve ever seen, this film is awesome for all the wrong reasons. Meet the Cruises, a family that truly gives NO fucks. Mom Janet, who’s checked out more than the titty issues of National Geographic at the library, broham Mike, who gets it in like whoa and drives his van like it’s a stock car (because when your name’s Mikey Cruise, you just can’t lose), and little Eric, a handicapped boy who suffers more abuse from the filmmakers than Joe Swanson on Family Guy. Don’t be surprised if you end up wanting to start a flash mob at McDonalds when you’re done.
On this fine Halloween eve, Corey and I (DRC) review an interesting case study of infamous slasher Michael Myers. What happens when this legendary madman accomplishes all of his life’s goals, but gets pulled back into the game anyway? We get a movie about a guy who just wants to be left alone! Ol’ Mikey easily takes out the teenage trash, but hits a major snag when he takes on their leader – rapper/reality TV mogul/martial artist extraordinaire Busta Rhymes! If you’re thinking that this shitfest match-up killed the franchise deader than Tupac, you would be right. Let the Danger-tainment begin, fucka! WHAAA!!!!!
We’re back for round two! What do trying to pick up chicks with ice cream, answering the door at midnight for a pizza you didn’t order and thoughtlessly approaching a murderous puppet show have in common? They’re all things you’d do if you were a total fucking brain donor, of course! This week Corey and I (DRC) welcome you to Crescent Cove, California – home of the world’s stupidest people ever. It takes a special kind of person to not be able to escape from clowns that move like a morbidly obese man without his Rascal scooter, but somehow this town is full of them. While we didn’t find this one as amusing as last week’s selection, one things for sure – you’ll never look at Debbie Harry the same way again.
Welcome to the first episode of our podcast B Movie Breakdown! Corey and I, DRC, will be reviewing, discussing and demolishing the best (and worst) films the low budget world has to offer. This week we take on a now-cult classic, 1990’s Troll 2. Completely unrelated to its predecessor, Troll 2 is the story of a group of baller-ass bros out to fuck bitches and get money in the rural village of Nilbog, whose story is hijacked by a bunch of vicious vegans trying to force a suburban family to go green – literally.