Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

In hell no one can hear you file a complaint. 

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Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Nathan Peter Grassi, Jess Lloyd-Jones & Krage Brown

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast

Follow us on Instagram @everybody.panic

© 2022 everybody panic

To: {INSERT NEW EMPLOYEE NAME HERE}

The queen wishes me to write and welcome you to {INSERT LOCATION HERE}.

Her majesty was also touched to know {FIELD#33NAMEADDRESS} was present to {#} this special occasion.

I am to send her majesty’s {BEST WISHES/DEEP REGRET} to you.

Lady Helen Bonbon

Lady-in-waiting

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Krage Brown

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast

Follow us on Instagram @everybody.panic

© 2022 everybody panic

Flat 12, Bloomsbury House, EC14 4JJ

Ma,

Here’s a copy of the tape I done. Jez says the manager at Woolworths is going to show it to the girls in the shop. Is it ok if I keep a few hundred boxes of eau de toilette in the spare room? It’s Barrymore’s new one so I reckon I can shift it all down the women's clinic at the weekend. Make sure you keep it away from the electric fire. And the dog.

Gary

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, David Gurney

Emily Wilden

Krage Brown

Nathan Peter Grassi

With additional voices by Lily Jones and Lewis Jones

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown

artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

16 April 1972

Sirs,

It has come to my attention that some of the girls in the office have been complaining about unwanted advances from the butchers. While I do sympathise with them somewhat (after all those butchers have awfully big, hairy hands), it’s just a bit of fun on their part and I'd hate to take away what little joy they have in their miserable lives. If I had to strangle 400 cattle a day I know I would find solace in chasing the girl from accounts down a dark hallway with my big, bloodied hands.  To feel them, like two hairy hams, grabbing at my breasts like a hungry bird. I’d say no but really I'd mean YES.

Anway, some chap at the freemasons put me in touch with a firm who specialise in these new ‘training records’. Do me a favour and play it to the lads on the shop floor.

Dictated and signed in absence.

Regards,

Baron Von Beirgmenst III

Chief Executive Officer, Barbarity Meats & Offal Tubes

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Krage Brown

Jess Lloyd-Jones

Miranda Shrapnell

Ida Berglöw Kenneway

David Gurney

Nathan Peter Grassi

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

Gabby said we’ve all got to watch this thing I.T sent over before New Year’s Eve. Just make Terry watch it and he can update us on Monday morning. Also… tell me you saw Jane’s dress this morning? Did her meth addled mom knit it for her? Gross. She looked like she was wearing the blanket I buried my cat in.

Kat

Head of Human Resources

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Ida Berglöw Kenneway

Krage Brown

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

-FAX-

To All the staffs

From Hans Eierkuchen

Pages 1

Hi all,

Let’s celebrate the new aircraft with this wonderful CD_ROMULUS that Heidi and chums has put together in the training form. Learning what we should all aspire to be, fully erect or not.

I suggest you all digest this before embarking within her metal bowel and taking to the skies. It will serve you well to understand the different nooks and fannies with her long body.

Clap together your hands for Heidi and very emotional performance, I expect she’ll be a star soon and off to the Hollywood for a role on the big television or perhaps pumping milk into a dog's mouth if they know her right.

Warmest Darlings,

Hans Eierkuchen

AloisJet - Team Training Lead

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Krage Brown

Ida Berglöw Kenneway

Nathan Peter Grassi

& Miranda Shrapnell

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

Mary,

I’ve been asked to send you this pdf on depression as your overall body ‘stank’ is becoming an issue in the office and can only mean you're either deeply depressed or your mother’s brought another ‘man friend’ home to stay. If reading is too much effort for you, I’m recording it on tape next week. You can have a copy so long as you leave $4 on my desk to cover the cost of cleaning the smell from the tape after you’ve used it.

Regards,

Joe Durst

Head of Staff Training

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Krage Brown

Miranda Shrapnell

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

Dear all,

The power of a smile can increase profits by as much as 904%.

Please remind your teams they’re all contractually required to smile for their entire 12 hour shift, even while Brenda from the deli counter cradles them in the women's bathroom and dries their tears with her dead husband's Dukes of Hazzard vest.

Play this DVD at the next team huddle. I’ll know if you don’t.

Matt

North West Regional Manager

Best Value UK

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Krage Brown

David Gurney

Jess Lloyd-Jones

Miranda Shrapnell

Liam Jones

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

To Terry McPhearson

From Keven Streep

Subject: FW: Training edit

Terry,

Please do not download that wetransfer, it’s the wrong version of the edit. I’ll send over the correct version as soon as I can. Please, Terry. It wasn’t my fault.

Regards,

Keven Steep

Head of Internal Training

United Fusion Coal

—----

To Terry McPhearson

From Keven Streep

Subject: Training edit

Terry,

Here’s a link to the finished edit for unit 9. Could this be up on the intranet by Monday?

Regards,

Keven Steep

Head of Internal Training

United Fusion Coal

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Nathan Peter Grassi

Miranda Shrapnell

Ida Berglöw Kenneway

Krage Brown

Carl Sutton

David Gurney

Liam Jones

& Jess Lloyd-Jones

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

– ALL TEAM MEMO –

Do not look the meat harvester in the eyes.

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Nathan Peter Grassi

Ida Berglöw Kenneway

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

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Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Krage Brown

& Jess-Lloyd-Jones

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

To:   elmira_store5894@starcinemas.com

Subject: April / May Team Update

URGENT

To any ushers who have yet to watch the interactive training DVD-ROM we sent out last month, this is your last warning. If you do not watch by next quarter you will be taken off the shift rota.

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Apparently people have been walking out of the new Meryl Streep movie. We’re contractually required to ensure the audience stays until the final act so they can see the United Missile Systems product placement. Lock the doors if you need to. It’s all of our jobs on the line if sales of intercontinental ballistic missiles don’t go up by 40%

–

Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures

Featuring, Jess Lloyd-Jones

David Gurney

Miranda Shrapnell

Krage Brown

Ida Berglöw Kenneway

Nathan Peter Grassi

Written & Created by Thom Munden

Edited by: Krage Brown

Artwork by: deprivedanxiety

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

© 2022 everybody panic

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Rummage through Cumpty’s sack @BurntToastPod

Burnt Toast Presents: Katie’s Pantry

Featuring: Jess Lloyd-Jones as Katie and Cumpty.

Written By Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

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Find protective cover @BurntToastPod

Burnt Toast Presents: Beans, Bullets & Band-aids

Featuring: Krage Brown as Joe, Ida Berglöw Kenneway as Mary and Gareth Balai as the news anchor.

Written By Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

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Learn how to crochet wigs for dogs @BurntToastPod

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Featuring: Layla Katib as Deedee, Nathan Peter Grassi as Johnnie and Ida Berglöw Kenneway as Carrie.

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Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

Whip out your rods, get the boiled eggs ready and join Jerry down by the river bank.

If you’ve seen Jerry or know of his whereabouts please contact the metropolitan police quoting case number 9201-23.

Twaite Shad @BurntToastPod

Burnt Toast Presents: Big Tackle

Featuring: David Gurney as Jerry, Krage Brown as Derek, Ida Berglöw Kenneway as the Emergency Call Handler and Jess Lloyd-Jones as Gladis.

Written By Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

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Feel really smug @BurntToastPod

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Featuring: Nathan Peter Grassi as Isra, Ida Berglöw-Kenneway as Jean, Krage Brown as the British narrator and Roger and Jess Lloyd-Jones as Kath and Sarah.

Written By Krage Brown & Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

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Watch real abductions @BurntToastPod

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Featuring: Jess Lloyd-Jones as Lynette, Gareth Balai as Mike and Ida Berglöw-Kenneway as Ava.

With additional voices by the cast, Krage Brown and Nathan Peter Grassi.

Written and Created by Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

Pop your clothes off, get into bed and let Gary send you nunight. This week's listener story is from Hillary, a retired nurse and war criminal from Bath.

Share sleep tips @BurntToastPod

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Featuring: Krage Brown as Gary, Nathan Peter Grassi as the mattress man and Miriam Higgins as Nan.

Written and Created by Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

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Bribe us to host your sporting events @BurntToastPod

Burnt Toast Presents: Planet Sport

Featuring: Jess Lloyd-Jones as Lynette, Krage Brown as Ben, Jenny Johns as Jane and Gareth Balai as the narrator. With additional voices by the cast.

Written and Created by Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

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Share photos of your bush @BurntToastPod

Burnt Toast Presents: Cybil’s Garden Diary

Featuring: Emily Wilden as Cybil, Ida Berglöw-Kenneway as Mummy and Krage Brown as Vlad.

Written and Created by Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

Cover art illustration designed by rawpixel / Freepik

Join Patty Douche at Success-Freedom University, empowering you to become a Douche Essential Oils advocate in your neighbourhood.

Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

Burnt Toast Presents: Six Figure Success

Featuring: Ida Berglöw-Kenneway as Patty and David Gurney as Dr Jose.

Written and Created by Thom Raphael-Munden

Edited by Krage Brown

Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic production

Season finale. We catch up with old friends Chris Thomas and Lindsay Waits.

Burnt Toast features Jess Lloyd-Jones and Krage Brown with Gareth Balai and Nathan Peter Grassi. It was written by Thom Raphael-Munden.

Follow the case on Twitter @BurntToastPod

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Burnt Toast features Jess Lloyd-Jones and Krage Brown with David Gurney, Gareth Balai and Nathan Peter Grassi.  It was written by Thom Raphael-Munden. 

Follow the case on Twitter @BurntToastPod

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Follow the case on Twitter @BurntToastPod

Burnt Toast features Jess Lloyd-Jones and Krage Brown.

It was written by Thom Raphael-Munden.

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Burnt Toast features Jess Lloyd-Jones and Krage Brown with David Gurney, Emily Wilden, Gareth Balai,  Ida Berglöw-Kenneway and Nathan Peter Grassi. It was written by Thom Raphael-Munden with additional material by the cast.

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