Manners maketh man.
Hmmmm, can I get back to you on that one?
Manners are kind of off the table and what we are left with is a social media world of smarmy shade throwing and out of control virtue signalling.
Asshole maketh man makes more sense.
If you are taken prisoner in the battle of the sexes, you really want to be well treated, and not beaten daily in the hut.
There are too many articles about how to find, catch, please and keep a mate.
Complex strategies for something that should be easy.
Volunteering can be a lot like an STD.
You try to be careful who you're with, what you're doing and you can still find yourself afflicted with a charity.
And then its embarrassing and sometimes painful.
Pets can be a total upgrade to your life.
Right up until they die.
Because unless you love parrots or tortoises, you will always outlive your pets.
And sometimes, you are a "Person of interest" in the death of that pet.
What a vague and sinister phrase, and subject.
Listen to this one with strong coffee, french roast.
The obvious physical trait that is judged by most people is height. If you want to argue that, take a moment to peruse any dating site. You will find easily 70% of the ladies bios have a mention of what height they will find acceptable to date. Do I sound bitter? Yeah, I do.
But what about those people dealing with the other end of the spectrum? The too tall? Turns out they have shit to deal with also.
An in depth expose` on the link between Hockey legend Eddie Shore and the Southern California Homeless vets community.
Just kidding. I can't back that up.
But I did find a homeless guy that claims he served in the Army with Shore. (Total fabrication)
To paraphrase the famous film: Life is like a box of chocolates, you can find stupid anywhere you look. Or something like that.
The idea that you can has a simpler life just by not making it more difficult is sounding pretty good these days.
Plastic surgery exists on the idea that "If you don't like it, change it". You can make what ever the issue is bigger, smaller, prettier or just gone.
But overwhelmingly, making things prettier and/or bigger seems to be the desire.
Except taller, for those of us who are shorter? You are just screwed.
Does anyone care what goes on with their kids these days?
Do your kids a favor and send them to legitimate day care. It can be pricey, but the kids won't end up as part of the modern day Manson family.
I am truly in awe of the sad bit of shit show that passes for parenting these days. The current crop of kids in grade school better get there shit together, because their parents suck at their job.
Growing up is tough enough, and then some old guy whips his dick out. Much like being in a war, there are some things you never get over.
TRIGGER WARNING - [Mild dick talk]. Not that I care, but I get tired of hearing it.
Most of what people say just comes out without any thought behind it. Like auto-pilot, just going thru the motions.
This is where sarcastic people like myself thrive, eating these little audible morsels. Making fun of you is just a side effect.
There is a high level of difficulty involved in getting someone who seems to hate you to have a friendly little conversation. But I am willing to give it a shot. As long as I don't get tasered.
Wish me luck
It shocks me how crappy people treat others that could totally fuck with their food/drink/whatever. What sort of bulletproof coat do you think you were born with that will keep karma and a pissed off waiter from tea-bagging your drink and spitting in the gravy on your mashed potatoes?
Enjoy your next dining out experience.
I was going to say, what is it about an angry woman that- and then I realized both sexes do this. Being angry doesn't make you a Navy Seal.
Being angry is just being angry, which usually leads to saying a lot of shit you shouldn't.
Don't worry, be happy.
This one seems a little judgy and rude. Definitely not PC. My bad, but it is what it is.
Regardless of sexual orientation, watching anyone awkwardly hitting on someone who is definitely not going for it.
It is easy to hate shitty parents. But what about dumb ones? It might be tough to set aside a special place in hell for them, but what about a really uncomfortable place in, say, Newark NJ? (I think that might reasonably called hell too)
Either way, dumb parents tend to put great parents, (like me) on edge.
But whatcha gonna do?
When you go so far down the road to dysfunctional, maybe you achieve functional.
To quote Mr. Spock, in an insane society, a sane man must be viewed as insane.
Of course, he was a fictional character in a poorly rated tv show.
I weep for the future. Communication is dying as an art form. Listening to 20-somethings speak could be considered cruel and unusual punishment in civilized countries. Waterboarding would be preferable.
There, I am done bitching.
On with the show.
What do stunning young redheads and distinguished old men have in common?
Quite a bit it turns out.
Sometimes, what should be something wrong becomes something right, just because you like half of the equation. If that makes no sense, you should try it from my side.
There was a time when people didn't view money as something evil or capable of forcing you to do evil things. These days, money is like a super villian, capable of vile acts and unspeakable things. But who will save us?
Don't ask me, I just work here.
Sometimes, nurturing the asshole within can have consequences. Today was one of those days. The avid pursuit of fun can lead to a vicious backlash of shit-headedness that is shocking to behold.
Time to look in the mirror and forgive someone.
Home is where the heart is. But what if your heart is all snug and cozy right in the middle of the shit-storm of a dysfunctional relation. Not mine, but the dysfunctional relationship of two total strangers.
The heart wants what it wants.
Sometimes you go to the zoo, sometimes the zoo comes to you. When a deer in the headlights moment happens you just need to keep your head down, avoid the hits you can and just hold out till its over.
But make sure you find something to laugh about during it.
You tell me. Seems like there is a percentage that think it definitely is, a percentage that think it definitely is not and the majority that are straddling that fence and avoiding eye contact like a perv in a police line up.
Send me your comments, like or favorite the podcast!
It's Thanksgiving, time to get on that Thankful bandwagon and be aggressively thankful, OR ELSE. It's all about family and food and football and whatever the hell is in that God-awful bean salad your cousin likes to make every year.
Enjoy your day all!
Today is a two-fer, two posts in one. The original blog posts were small and it seemed odd to make them two separate podcasts.
The Evil Couple is back and making my life evil and delightful. Much like an ugly argument at Thanksgiving, its cringe-worthy, but you wouldn't miss it for the world. There is a certain delight in the awkward situations of life.
As long as its not directed at me.
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"-No fury like a woman scorned!" No shit. There is a lot of scary, questionable shit going on out there. Something about being emotionally involved with someone makes most people lose their mind when the relationship hits the skids.
So I delved into the rotten things people have done to their ex's and the results were more that a little shocking....and funny.
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First of all, I never said Starbucks was a homeless shelter. My friendship with Garrett the homeless guy has always been interesting, to say the least. To this day, the old guys that sit outside Noah's bagels still glare at me for taking up their favorite seats on those mornings that I would take Garrett for bagels. I never seem to tire of it.
Any humor or comedy in it is always circumstantial. Like being at a murder when it happens, no proof that you did it, but it does look suspicious. I have been accused of making fun of the homeless. You got me on that one. In my defense, I make fun of everyone.
Plus Garrett never seemed to mind.
Look, I know you want to be hip and special, I get it.
But yoga is just stretching out.
And you are paying a goddam fortune for it. The only thing that would make yoga dumber would be if you carried your own little rolled up piece of foam because the mean ol ground it too hard....oh wait, never mind. (But it did give the world yoga pants so maybe its not all bad.)
These days, its not uncommon to see parents that don't really do a lot of parenting. The kids walk all over you. Your grandmother's generation would never put up with it.
And what if that generation has decided they're sick of the bullshit?
Then we're all in trouble.
Take a sarcastic trip back to old Hollywood and revisit one of televisions most beloved and infamous gingers, Mickey Rooney. (And still cannot find anything online that will confirm or deny that he had a huge penis.)