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Caffeinated Humor: Sarcastic Comedy For The Masses

Caffeinated Humor: Sarcastic Comedy For The Masses

By Will McKinley
Sarcasm is a dying art form.
The perfect meeting of over the top sarcastic humor and WAY too much caffeine. People watching with a bad attitude. Always with an eye for the funny.
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Joe for Jesus, my new homeless BFF
Never let a little crazy get in the way of making friends.
October 20, 2020
Mamma Evil said there'd be days like this.
Because Evil people don't just come from nowhere.
October 13, 2020
Evil Runs in the Family
I know what your saying. "Another Evil Couple post.....Seriously?!?!" You're God damn right!
September 29, 2020
All in the Family - Evil Couple Style
You never realize how much you miss the dysfunctional people in your life until the come back to you. 
September 22, 2020
Absolutely Shameful
Sometimes I am innocent of all charges. 
September 14, 2020
Love the French, Hate the French
Can't have love without hate. And who better than the French?
September 8, 2020
Manscaping, it's not for kids
You could call it people-scaping for the PC non-binary crowd, but it just sounds weird.
August 31, 2020
Avoid eye contact, it's for the best.
If we are at least honest with ourselves, we are pretty judgy and vicious at a people. Just sayin.
August 24, 2020
The Tainted Fruit
I never realized that fruit had a taint.
August 18, 2020
Bad Monkey Syndrome
Let's face it, this is all of us at one time or another.  Yes, you too.
August 10, 2020
Damn you, Spielberg!
Because some things stay with you.
August 3, 2020
I like you, You can follow me home and sleep with my sister!
Entitlement is not a skill. 
July 27, 2020
You Want a Piece of Me?
When it's on, it's on! Even if it's grandma! (No grandmothers were injured in the making of this podcast.) [[TRIGGER WARNING: GRANDMA]]
July 23, 2020
The Ballad of Tony and Maria
Because I am frequently wrong.  Plus, its a feel good story.
July 20, 2020
And the Winner is....
Participation trophies. Did you want to raise losers?  Cause that's how you get losers.
July 17, 2020
Don't mess with the Puta
First of all, I didn't say that.
July 13, 2020
It's More Than Just A Tea Party!
Cater to the child within, even if he's a bad kid.
July 9, 2020
A Well Dressed Freak
Manners maketh man.  Hmmmm, can I get back to you on that one? Manners are kind of off the table and what we are left with is a social media world of smarmy shade throwing and out of control virtue signalling.  Asshole maketh man makes more sense.
July 6, 2020
Nature of the Beast
And then you find out you are the beast.  Spoiler alert! (And maybe a trigger warning?)
July 2, 2020
Welcome to the Freak Show
You don't want to stare, but you do.  See how that works?
June 29, 2020
My Private Hell
Hell is a perspective, not a place.
June 25, 2020
Hush kids, the adults are talking
This may sound like a lot of bitching about the youth of today. And you may be right. 
June 22, 2020
Like Annie said
Because there is a cringe-worthy joy to doing something that absolutely terrifies you.
June 18, 2020
The Cougar is on the Prowl
Most big cats like to toy with their food before devouring. This cat is no different. 
June 15, 2020
Biblical Uber Blonde
Who runs the world?  Blondes.  I always thought that was obvious.
June 11, 2020
If you are taken prisoner in the battle of the sexes, you really want to be well treated, and not beaten daily in the hut.  There are too many articles about how to find, catch, please and keep a mate.  Complex strategies for something that should be easy. 
June 8, 2020
Now open the door before I kick it in
Back in the good ole days, the sales people were a lot more pushy, and smelled horrible.  Avon calling. Hope you're ready.
June 4, 2020
A Hairy Ass is Never Pretty!
It's one of those titles that says it all.  Unless you happen to be into that sort of thing. No judgement here.
June 1, 2020
Dante's Inferno and the Council
It must be hell.  Shitty coffee, setting and people? Gonna be one of those days.
May 28, 2020
Welcome to Tombstone
It's not the OK Corral, but at least there's coffee.
May 26, 2020
ADD is a Jealous Mistress
ADD - Like a high maintenance relationship where you work your ass off, but never get laid.
May 21, 2020
In Xanadu did Kubli Khan build his pleasure dome
Great poem used for a tawdry little subject. But the imagery reminds me a lot of pro athletes that get in trouble with the law. But I bet Kubli Khan never had to hold a press conference.
May 18, 2020
Salad is Murder
Argue this one all you like. There is blood on your green thumb.
May 14, 2020
The poodle from Hell
Everybody loves dogs, some people prefer them to humans.  But none of you ever met Martini the poodle.  Consider yourselves lucky.
May 11, 2020
Asshole Move of the Day
Be kind to yourself, even if your an asshole. 
May 7, 2020
Let a Player Play!
Why would anyone want to get between the chemically challenged and the pursuit of happiness? Or, why am I an extra on this weeks episode of Cops/Live PD?
May 4, 2020
Daisy Dukes of the Living Dead
Because this is not some sort of cheap movie, those ass-cheeks are real.
April 30, 2020
Give till it hurts
Volunteering can be a lot like an STD.  You try to be careful who you're with, what you're doing and you can still find yourself afflicted with a charity. And then its embarrassing and sometimes painful. 
April 27, 2020
Buy some crap why don't you?
The business of selling old crap is not new.  Because one man's trash is another mans crap.
April 23, 2020
Walk, Talk, Act like a Hoe, Youz a Hoe!
Before we get hung up on words, take a peek at why they might be used. Or you might be one of those people who are outraged at everything.
April 20, 2020
Attacked by the Senior Ninjas
It's like day of the dead in my local Starbucks, except that everyone is alive. Oh, the horror!
April 16, 2020
It was dead when I found it, I swear!
Pets can be a total upgrade to your life.  Right up until they die. Because unless you love parrots or tortoises, you will always outlive your pets.  And sometimes, you are a "Person of interest" in the death of that pet. What a vague and sinister phrase, and subject.  Listen to this one with strong coffee, french roast. 
April 13, 2020
The Kids are Alright
Just when you think society in general and the future in specific are doomed, the kids come roaring back with some badass skills.  Thank you kids.  Starting to think you are the future.
April 9, 2020
Betrayal where you least expect it
We all look upon our childhood as this magical time of fun and wonder. Right up until it turns on us like a rabid dog. Chilling.
April 6, 2020
The Game of Sex is an Old One
I would like to think I am above that. I would like to, but I am not. 
April 3, 2020
The world needs ditch diggers too
All I'm saying is, not every kid is going to grow up and be in the corner office. Some of them will start out sweeping the parking and eventually retire running the drive thru window like a BOSS.
April 2, 2020
I was released unharmed, kind of
You can be detained and held hostage by many things. Including your own mind. 
April 1, 2020
No one is above a beating
Some things are funny, right up until they aren't. And then you're just screwed.
March 31, 2020
The Last Bully you would expect
They say you can't choose your parents, but I bet there are some that would really like to. 
March 30, 2020
And your little dog, too!
Where is the Wicked Witch when you need her? (To take the dog? Dorthy? Yellow brick- fuck it. you either get it or you don't)
March 27, 2020
Breaking the ice
Compelling evidence of the direct connection between classic literature and creepy dudes. 
March 26, 2020
Does candy make you dumb?
If its not the cause, perhaps its a symptom.  podcast humor sarcasm sarcastic comedy funny millennial forrest gump parenting delusional
March 25, 2020
Crazy looks good on you
It never occurs to crazy that it is crazy, no matter how crazy it is.  When you go crazy, thats the new norm.
March 24, 2020
Keep that bitch on a leash!
Relax, its about a female dog. 
March 23, 2020
The Tale of the Amazon, with a hint of Evil
The obvious physical trait that is judged by most people is height.  If you want to argue that, take a moment to peruse any dating site. You will find easily 70% of the ladies bios have a mention of what height they will find acceptable to date. Do I sound bitter? Yeah, I do.  But what about those people dealing with the other end of the spectrum? The too tall? Turns out they have shit to deal with also.
March 21, 2020
Mary Poppins and the 1000 yard stare
When your body keeps moving but your mind checks out?  And its because of high exposure to rotten children? Its called babysitting.
March 20, 2020
The House of Blue Hair
There is a place where the hair color of choice is blue.  And it ain't a punk rock club.  Take your definition of old, and make it older.  You're getting there.
March 19, 2020
The politics of Crazy
While stupid is as stupid does..... Crazy does whatever it wants to.  And you can argue that one if you like, cuz I sure won't.
March 18, 2020
Get the fat lady off the stage, we aren't done here.
Because even if you think its over, its still not over.
March 17, 2020
Trouble in River City
"So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay." Doesn't matter if you like poetry or not, Robert Frost knew his shit.  Be present like you'll never be there again. Cause you never will be.
March 13, 2020
And now I feel dirty
Its that space between proper and improper that makes me laugh.  Trigger warning. Pervy shit.
March 12, 2020
My Car is Invisible
Odd the things you remember and reminisce about. Being smacked around by nuns and the local PD. Massive cars and shitty mileage. Good times.
March 11, 2020
Dolphin shorts and Varicose veins
Kind of a crude presentation of mean opinion. But I think I have managed to muddle the argument nicely.
March 10, 2020
Hockey and the General
An in depth expose` on the link between Hockey legend Eddie Shore and the Southern California Homeless vets community. Just kidding. I can't back that up. But I did find a homeless guy that claims he served in the Army with Shore. (Total fabrication)
March 9, 2020
Bring on the Nasty!
What you do with your nose or ass in the privacy is your business and none of mine.  However, when you do that in public, you are including me in your performance art show. And that is nasty.
March 6, 2020
Wait your turn, shithead!
If someone decides to forgo common courtesy, I am no longer obligated to be nice.
March 5, 2020
Raise your damn kid, lady!
I need karma to pick up the pace here. Take care of this time bomb of a little kid and punish the shit out of mom. Time to pay the fiddler
March 4, 2020
The coming of the bag lady
Need a penny, take a penny. Have a penny, lose your mind. 
March 3, 2020
Run Forrest, Run
To paraphrase the famous film: Life is like a box of chocolates, you can find stupid anywhere you look. Or something like that. The idea that you can has a simpler life just by not making it more difficult is sounding pretty good these days.
March 2, 2020
The Verbal Hostage Taker
The subtle art of being held against your will using nothing but a wheezing old man's voice. I am sharing my story here. I'm the victim.
February 28, 2020
The Priss and The Man
When poise and sophistication meet sloppy piss-drunk. Like a Starbucks version of the TV show Cops.
February 27, 2020
What stinks?
Perfume is meant to enhance the effect of beauty, not to use it SOOOOOO much it triggers near fatal allergies.
February 26, 2020
The Fallen Man
Shhhhh! He's sleeping. Societal commentary on the homeless epidemic from a sarcastic non-journalist.
February 25, 2020
Big Pimping at Starbucks
They still sell coffee, right?
February 24, 2020
The Ugly Sister
The only thing plastic surgery can't eliminate is the comments of people who notice when it looks bad.
February 21, 2020
Is size important?
Plastic surgery exists on the idea that "If you don't like it, change it". You can make what ever the issue is bigger, smaller, prettier or just gone.  But overwhelmingly, making things prettier and/or bigger seems to be the desire.  Except taller, for those of us who are shorter? You are just screwed.
February 20, 2020
Gilligan's Starbucks
It's a lot more than a 3 hour tour. Plus there's coffee.
February 19, 2020
Rain rain, go away
Why do some people freak out when it rains in Southern California.  And if you are one of those who don't, why not?
February 18, 2020
Harry Potter has no game
Millions of people loved the Harry Potter books and movies, but does that translate into look alikes getting groupie sex? IDK. Form your own opinion. 2/31
February 17, 2020
Grow some balls, Marvin!
What is it about dysfunctional relationships and human oddities that are so intriguing? Intriguing enough to completely trigger my ADD and destroy any focus I had this morning. Enjoy. 2/30
February 14, 2020
Try being grateful, you rude piece of shit!
Common courtesy seems to be missing for our day to day lives.  Everybody look into that, okay?
February 13, 2020
The Devil Children
For God's sake, don't make your kids into freaks! (This is the first podcast that my test reader called me a "bitch" for doing.)
February 12, 2020
Coffee Day Care
Does anyone care what goes on with their kids these days?  Do your kids a favor and send them to legitimate day care. It can be pricey, but the kids won't end up as part of the modern day Manson family.  Just sayin.
February 11, 2020
The battle of Good vs Evil, with coffee
The state of the art of video games is at such a high level, I can't prove the zombie apocalypse isn't happening somewhere. 
February 10, 2020
Divorcing for dollars
A tawdry little tale of love as a small business. The focus on money and marriage makes me think they should be selling shares in the enterprise at the reception. 
February 7, 2020
So close and yet so far
Sometimes, you are forced to settle when you can't get what you want.  And it sucks.
February 6, 2020
Die old man Die
There are times where even I am not pleased with my behavior.  This is not one of those times.
February 5, 2020
Cuz I'll cut a bitch!
I am afraid of the cashier at Starbucks. Doesn't mean I am not going to get my coffee. 
February 4, 2020
3 Weird stories
Sometimes life doesn't give you 1 solid story to look at. It just gives you a mix of things for you to sort thru. That's where we are today. Happy sorting. 2/21
February 3, 2020
Now I really want to take up smoking
Some things are gross enough, and then you see something that makes it worse.
January 31, 2020
The Lost boy of Starbucks
I am truly in awe of the sad bit of shit show that passes for parenting these days. The current crop of kids in grade school better get there shit together, because their parents suck at their job. Just sayin.
January 30, 2020
Comes the Jazz Man
There are countries that view Jazz as a cruel and unusual punishment. I am fairly certain that Jazz violates the Geneva Convention. Plus, I don't like it.
January 29, 2020
Vampire vs Werewolf
Ok, so this one is a little self indulgent.  Besides, the werewolf really had it coming.
January 28, 2020
So healthy it might kill you!
Is it healthy? Or is it just a bunch of marketing catch words designed to sucker you out of your cash?
January 27, 2020
Cleavage is like kryptonite
In the same vein of "The heart wants what it wants" the male libido, driven by that mad tyrant the penis, is much the same.  And it gets us in trouble from time to time. This is one of those times.
January 24, 2020
The cars are giving her AIDS!
If it looks crazy, acts crazy, and sounds crazy....... it's crazy. Plus, you never know what those evil car executives are up to.
January 23, 2020
Attack of the Werewolf
Being bullied is viewed by many as simply a rite of passage in life. Much like puberty, it sucks and you just have to get thru it. Or do you?
January 22, 2020
What will you do when it stares you in the face?
Growing up is tough enough,  and then some old guy whips his dick out. Much like being in a war, there are some things you never get over. TRIGGER WARNING - [Mild dick talk]. Not that I care, but I get tired of hearing it. 
January 21, 2020
Why does Jazz make my soul ache?
There are few things that can ruin a morning than Jazz. As a musical form, its a lot like those painting they make using shit? By definition, its art. By opinion, its shit. 
January 20, 2020
Still trying to shut the hell up
There are times that I really want to change my ways and be quieter and more polite. Then I have more coffee and wait for that feeling to go away. 
January 17, 2020
I did NOT piss myself!
There are humiliating things that happen in life that you just have to live thru. No lessons, not wisdom, just live thru.
January 16, 2020
She is woman, hear her roar!
I would give a trigger warning, mainly because she is a trigger warning. 
January 15, 2020
Starbucks in the Afternoon
Strictly a personal opinion of this major coffee chain and their understanding legal counsel.  Please don't hurt me. 
January 14, 2020
Newark Marie, my 90 year old BFF
There is something so enchanting about a woman so old with such a vicious mouth on her. 
January 13, 2020
When the Ginger speaks. (Cracking the Ginger - Part 2)
Ah, the subtle are of getting someone to spill the beans when they hate you like shit on their shoe. Luckily, I am good at this sort of thing.  I also can change a tire faster than most.
January 10, 2020
The shit that comes out of your mouth
Most of what people say just comes out without any thought behind it. Like auto-pilot, just going thru the motions.  This is where sarcastic people like myself thrive, eating these little audible morsels. Making fun of you is just a side effect.
January 9, 2020
Cracking the Ginger
There is a high level of difficulty involved in getting someone who seems to hate you to have a friendly little conversation. But I am willing to give it a shot. As long as I don't get tasered. Wish me luck
January 8, 2020
Don't shit on the help!
It shocks me how crappy people treat others that could totally fuck with their food/drink/whatever. What sort of bulletproof coat do you think you were born with that will keep karma and a pissed off waiter from tea-bagging your drink and spitting in the gravy on your mashed potatoes? Enjoy your next dining out experience.
January 7, 2020
Ask not for whom the vibrator tolls - Evil Couple
When you flaunt your vibrator in front of your spouse, they are screwed, but its no fun. 
January 6, 2020
That's Nasty!
Sometimes, other people's freak flag flies in your local coffee shop.  Ewww.
January 3, 2020
Homeless coffee break
Somebody needs to explain to the homeless that if you don't work for a living, you better know how to work it.  Time to get in the game.
January 2, 2020
Discount Meter Maids and Drug Addled Idiots
People delude themselves all the time. Like pretending they have a real job or don't have a drug problem. This one comes off as a little bitchy.
January 1, 2020
Shutting my own mouth
I have always believed that if I keep talking, I can fix it.  Not working out like I planned.
December 31, 2019
I just met a girl named Maria
The title is from the musical "West Side Story". A dramatic little redub of Romeo and Juliet. This has more drama, but is not as entertaining. You will either love this one, or hate me for it.
December 30, 2019
Someone's ex wife
I was going to say, what is it about an angry woman that- and then I realized both sexes do this. Being angry doesn't make you a Navy Seal.  Being angry is just being angry, which usually leads to saying a lot of shit you shouldn't.  Don't worry, be happy.
December 27, 2019
Skipping into the sunset
This one seems a little judgy and rude. Definitely not PC. My bad, but it is what it is. Regardless of sexual orientation, watching anyone awkwardly hitting on someone who is definitely not going for it.  Delicious.
December 26, 2019
Sorry to bother you
It is easy to hate shitty parents. But what about dumb ones? It might be tough to set aside a special place in hell for them, but what about a really uncomfortable place in, say, Newark NJ? (I think that might reasonably called hell too) Either way, dumb parents tend to put great parents, (like me) on edge. But whatcha gonna do?
December 25, 2019
Can I take back my RIP?
Usually it's only in zombie films that people come back from the dead. And it always horrible. But not this time.  Just in time for the holidays, a feel good podcast for the whole family.
December 24, 2019
Evil Couples Counselling
When you go so far down the road to dysfunctional, maybe you achieve functional. To quote Mr. Spock, in an insane society, a sane man must be viewed as insane. Of course, he was a fictional character in a poorly rated tv show.
December 23, 2019
Hella is NOT a word, people!
I weep for the future. Communication is dying as an art form. Listening to 20-somethings speak could be considered cruel and unusual punishment in civilized countries. Waterboarding would be preferable.  There, I am done bitching.  On with the show.
December 21, 2019
Ronaldo the man!
What do stunning young redheads and distinguished old men have in common?  Quite a bit it turns out. Sometimes, what should be something wrong becomes something right, just because you like half of the equation. If that makes no sense, you should try it from my side. 
December 20, 2019
This little financial piggy went to market
There was a time when people didn't view money as something evil or capable of forcing you to do evil things. These days, money is like a super villian, capable of vile acts and unspeakable things. But who will save us?  Don't ask me, I just work here. For money.
December 19, 2019
We meet again, HOLY SHIT
Carter the Demon child, need I say more? Can we blame his mom for being a poor parent? Or do we give her a pass like the woman who gave birth the devil in Rosemary's baby?
December 18, 2019
Open Sesame ... Street
Time to go back to your childhood and give proper recognition to the rebel of your early years......... Oscar the grouch.
December 16, 2019
Road rage, kind of
Sometimes, nurturing the asshole within can have consequences. Today was one of those days. The avid pursuit of fun can lead to a vicious backlash of shit-headedness that is shocking to behold.  Time to look in the mirror and forgive someone.
December 13, 2019
Of all the gin joints in all the world - (Evil Couple)
The term succubus might seem a little harsh, but the idea that this woman might be a demon the will screw you to damnation might be accurate. Withhold your judgement till you read this.
December 12, 2019
Old school Evil Couple
Home is where the heart is. But what if your heart is all snug and cozy right in the middle of the shit-storm of a dysfunctional relation. Not mine, but the dysfunctional relationship of two total strangers. The heart wants what it wants.
December 11, 2019
House of Estrogen
Give the ladies their due. They're the only thing standing between us and the entire species dying out. They also live longer and are the life givers. Screw with them at your own risk.
December 10, 2019
Time to pay the fiddler
I am back in the soap opera. Evil villians, sex, money, a court trial and possible prison time. No, its not a new show on Netflix, its the tawdry little tale of Renaldo, the old guy with the POS son. 
December 9, 2019
When you least expect it, Evil Couple
Sometimes you go to the zoo, sometimes the zoo comes to you. When a deer in the headlights moment happens you just need to keep your head down, avoid the hits you can and just hold out till its over.  But make sure you find something to laugh about during it.
December 6, 2019
Sins of the son
All children are smart and special. Unless of course they are a POS that goes out of their way to make life harder for their parents. Special circle of hell for people like that.
December 5, 2019
Some kind of wonderful
Every now and then, you meet someone that truly enriches your life. This is NOT one of those times. But it was funny. Enjoy
December 4, 2019
Room for one more, honey
That creepy feeling on the back of your neck is there for a reason, people! If you think you are in hell, you might be.
December 3, 2019
Life Happens
Every now and then, life likes to hit you with an unexpected sucker nut-punch. This is one of those times.
December 2, 2019
Is Black Friday Racist?
You tell me. Seems like there is a percentage that think it definitely is, a percentage that think it definitely is not and the majority that are straddling that fence and avoiding eye contact like a perv in a police line up.  Send me your comments, like or favorite the podcast! 
November 29, 2019
Be thankful, you rotten shit!
It's Thanksgiving, time to get on that Thankful bandwagon and be aggressively thankful, OR ELSE. It's all about family and food and football and whatever the hell is in that God-awful bean salad your cousin likes to make every year.  Enjoy your day all!
November 28, 2019
Better late than never and Half of the Evil Couple
Today is a two-fer, two posts in one. The original blog posts were small and it seemed odd to make them two separate podcasts.  The Evil Couple is back and making my life evil and delightful. Much like an ugly argument at Thanksgiving, its cringe-worthy, but you wouldn't miss it for the world. There is a certain delight in the awkward situations of life.  As long as its not directed at me.  Get the Caffeinated Humor books! - CLICK HERE
November 27, 2019
Hell Hath
"-No fury like a woman scorned!" No shit. There is a lot of scary, questionable shit going on out there. Something about being emotionally involved with someone makes most people lose their mind when the relationship hits the skids.  So I delved into the rotten things people have done to their ex's and the results were more that a little shocking....and funny. Get the Caffeinated Humor books at Amazon! -----> CLICK HERE
November 26, 2019
Thru the door and Garrett the homeless guy
First of all, I never said Starbucks was a homeless shelter. My friendship with Garrett the homeless guy has always been interesting, to say the least. To this day, the old guys that sit outside Noah's bagels still glare at me for taking up their favorite seats on those mornings that I would take Garrett for bagels. I never seem to tire of it. Any humor or comedy in it is always circumstantial. Like being at a murder when it happens, no proof that you did it, but it does look suspicious. I have been accused of making fun of the homeless. You got me on that one. In my defense, I make fun of everyone.  Plus Garrett never seemed to mind. 
November 25, 2019
The Great American Game
There is something nostalgic about the sport of baseball. Baseball stories remind us of a kinder gentler time. This is NOT one of those stories.
November 22, 2019
Can you make a Ho into a Housewife?
People can be very judgmental. I have always been of the opinion that whoever feels like sleeping with whoever is nobodies business but theirs. But I do reserve the right to make funny about it.
November 21, 2019
The Suicidal man
An ode to those who are so miserable on a day to day basis, that it makes them either impossible to be around or fun to blog or podcast about. (Keep in mind, its important to have a hobby)
November 20, 2019
In the beginning.... Evil Couple Part 2
You love them, you hate them, you cringe when they are near. But, they are inspiringly fun to watch. And if you happen to write a humor blog/podcast about people behaving badly, they are GOLD.
November 19, 2019
In the beginning ... Evil Couple Part 1
The founders of the feast. What can I say about the most vile couple I have ever seen that inspired the blog that led to the podcast? 
November 18, 2019
The weaker sex
For those that truly believe women are the weaker sex? You're not paying attention.
November 16, 2019
The last bully you would expect
If you're raising a child, stay in your lane. Eye on the prize. This makes no sense now, but it will. Have a listen.
November 15, 2019
Coffee at the OK Corral
Kevlar vests, firepower and a dark Costa Rican roast. What's not to love? 
November 14, 2019
This is science... sort of
I have been warned that posting this one is not a good idea. They might be right.
November 13, 2019
Let's all cry together in a safe space
Its not a question of IF I said it, its a question of, do I CARE that I said it? 
November 12, 2019
Too little, too late and too dumb to know the difference
I would love to know the thinking behind having an incredibly filthy, personal conversation in a public place? Especially with a nosy d-bag like me within earshot?
November 11, 2019
Rearing its ugly head, some more than others
The business spirit is alive and well at your local Starbucks, just watch your step with the Penguins. 
November 8, 2019
Leaving on a jet plane.....
My harrowing journey in all its nastiness. Drunken strippers, public orgasms, and Jabba the frequent flier.
November 7, 2019
It's a Dirty Subject
Are men dogs? There is a lot of evidence that points to yes. It's nothing to be proud of, but when you get horny, all bets are off.
November 6, 2019
The Sound of Silence
This is not about some suicidal folk song. It's all about the newest victims in the cell phone conspiracy....The deaf. Can you hear me now?
November 5, 2019
My Eviction Notice
Never come between a man and his coffee shop. This is how wars start.  The War of 1812 started because someone took the last available table at a Startbucks. True story
November 4, 2019
Yoga is just stretching out.....Seriously
Look, I know you want to be hip and special, I get it.  But yoga is just stretching out.  Nothing more.  And you are paying a goddam fortune for it. The only thing that would make yoga dumber would be if you carried your own little rolled up piece of foam because the mean ol ground it too hard....oh wait, never mind.  (But it did give the world yoga pants so maybe its not all bad.)
November 1, 2019
Justice, Served hot and fresh
These days, its not uncommon to see parents that don't really do a lot of parenting. The kids walk all over you. Your grandmother's generation would never put up with it.  And what if that generation has decided they're sick of the bullshit?  Then we're all in trouble. 
October 31, 2019
Here's to the little big man, Mickey Rooney
Take a sarcastic trip back to old Hollywood and revisit one of televisions most beloved and infamous gingers, Mickey Rooney. (And still cannot find anything online that will confirm or deny that he had a huge penis.)
October 30, 2019
Do you realize what you are saying?
My first blog post. Also one of my favorite. This is the one that started my entire rude journey of eavesdropping and binging on caffeine.  Funny, rude, insightful and judgmental. Enjoy
October 28, 2019