Hidden Addict

It has been brought to my attention that some people are assuming that I am promoting that everyone go relapse. Though I understand that this is not my position, I want to make my actual position on here clear and also validate YOUR worth. Everyone is the same when it comes to worth. You are not worth less if you use. You are not worth less if you relapse and you are not worth more if you are clean. When it comes to worth we are all the same. If you take anything from this podcast than that would be the thing to remember. It is also the hardest thing to accept. 

This episode is not appropriate for probably anyone with ears BUT at the same time, you can thank me later. Your welcome. No description is needed because like, I just cant. Go listen. Never speak of it again.

dating in your 30's is a livng nightmare if you ask me. I was happily single until one day that changed. I think the universe at this point is playing a sick joke on me. Though I make this a humerous topic, the question of how do you handle dating while hiding your an addict go? Do you not date and stay alone, potentially forever or do you date and tell them and hope for the best. Or do you lie and pretend that you are not shooting up in the bathroom before every date? Not dating seems obvious. Though the answer seems obvious, mayne it is not as obvious as it seems.

Our brains filter through on average 74 GBs a day worth of data. That is the equivalent of watching 16 movies a day. (quanta magazine.org). All of this information is processed into expectations by our brain. It remembers not to eat food straight out of the oven again because last time it burnt our tongue. It is creating for itself a catalog so to speak of information so that it knows what is good for us in the future and bad. The only bad thing about these expectations is that we do not have to experience ourselves an event like the food to draw a conclusion. A lot of times we just take someone's word for it. or what our governments say, friends, and family. It is argued that an original thought has not been 'thought' in many years. All of our tastes in music and culture are formed by these expectations also. When it comes to addiction. The world gives us expectations from our early school years to adulthood of what addiction looks like. The problem with current expectations is that there are none for people like me, the hidden addict. That, in turn, means that "do I not exist?".

Also, I grovel and give epic excuses as to my two weeks absence. Yeah, that happened.

Finally! I had to split it into two but ladies and gentleman; at long last, episode eight has arrived. This topic is very hard for me to talk about because I see the impact of narcissism every single day. In Tik Tok threads and youtube vidoes. People are trying so very hard to understand the twisted relationship that they have found themselves in and the sad thing is that its never something that will ever make sense one-hundred percent . It makes me so sad to have gone through the experience myself but it is my hope by sharing it that someone out there that is feeling lost in their relationship; that they have no idea what changed or what is happening, that they will hear this and finally have some answers. I would have done anything to have stumbled upon something like this episode when I was going through it myself. I would have given so much just to know that I was not this horrible shell of a person that my significant other made me believe I had become. Remember; if someone does not want the best for you; if someone does not love and support you, then you have every right to leave. You are worth it. I promise you are. I love you.

Please go to www.hiddenaddict.com and contact me if you are a person experiencing this and need help. I am here. I will help. I will listen. I love you. You are worth it.

In 2009 a man kidnapped me from our home. He tried to kill me. It was the classic story we all watch when flipping through the movies channel. The only thing that is never classic however is being the star of the show. For most the star of the show does not get to survive to tell the tale from their own experience. See, people seemt to think that these things can never happen to them. That they only happen to the people on tv. People do not realise that those stories, those people, on the TV are no differnt then you and me. They had hopes and dreams and had a life that they lived that was no more unique then your own. Anybody could have been me that day. Unfortunetly for me; anybody was me.

I had a random UA at work. It is an addict's nightmare but it made me ponder the question of why? What am I asking? Why would I have to lose my job just because I use drugs? This seems like a laughable question but if you can stop laughing for a second and really think about it then you could see why I ask why. If someones is on time, does their job well, get along with others, and does not cause any safety hazards then why would they have to lose their job? If this is still laughable to you then listen and maybe you can learn why it is not so funny.

As an addict, it is a pain in the ass to go to the ER. We are treated differently even if why we are there has nothing to do with our addiction. We are judged as a person off of one fact: we use drugs. However; this is not ok. Each person should be respected as much as the next. We should not be made to wait longer or be talked down too or handed recovery pamphlets time after time again. It should not matter why we are there. All that should matter is that we are.

Have you ever wondered how you are going to handle telling someone new in your life that you are an addict? Do you want to know what their response would be? It might not be as scary as you think. Listen to this and hear real answers from someone that was in my life.

We all do things everyday that make us unhappy and I want to pose the question of why? Do you go to the gym because you like it or is it because you are not a pretty as the girl on the magazine? Do you wear make-up because you like it or is it becasue you are not as pretty as the girl on the magazine. We do so many things every single day that we hate and we are just supposed to be ok with it...but why? When will you stop being ok?

The world does not entertain the idea that people can use substances and still function. We have relationships and friendships. We have  bank account with money in it and pay or bills. We eat, sleep and even stand in line at the DMV. We do all the things everyone else does but we have to hide that we use or risk losing everything that we love.