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CAOS

CAOS

By Alan Sharland

Communication, Conflict Resolution, Conflict Coaching, Conferences, Conversation, Complaints, Community, Creativity...And Other Stuff..including many other topics that arise from the world of Mediation and Conflict Resolution Support.

Alan Sharland is Director of CAOS Conflict Management in London, UK. He has been a Mediator since 1994 and now also trains Mediators and Conflict Coaches in skills that help people respond creatively to their unresolved conflicts - in the community, the family, the workplace, with organisations.

CAOS - Promoting Mindful Communication, Growth Through Conflict
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Currently playing episode

Is your Support Service REALLY 'Client-led' - Or Is It ACTUALLY System-led and/or Practitioner-led?

CAOSMay 25, 2022

00:00
21:04
Why 'Bystander Effect' doesn't apply in workplace bullying allegations!

Why 'Bystander Effect' doesn't apply in workplace bullying allegations!

In this video and podcast, Alan discusses how reference to the 'bystander effect' doesn't apply to bullying allegations because bullying is a subjective experience, seen by 'bystanders' in different ways, without necessarily seeing a clear 'perpetrator/victim' interaction, unlike for the usual application of the idea for crimes and other more clearly distinguished situations. 

While many do not see bullying as subjective, particularly if they feel they have been a victim of it, it is unlikely that all 'bystanders' will agree or perhaps even notice, unlike for a more clearly noticeable event like a crime or murder in which the Bystander Effect was originally identified.

The damaging outcome of applying such an idea can also mean people who feel bullied then feel betrayed by those nearby and thus more isolated when it is an unrealistic expectation to have in the first place that all present will notice such events happening, and further still, interpret them in the same way.

This is the article Alan is referring to in the video: https://theconversation.com/bullying-why-most-people-do-nothing-when-they-witness-it-and-how-to-take-action-181746

This is the YouTube video of the original podcast. 

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Books and ebooks:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

May 25, 202220:12
Is your Support Service REALLY 'Client-led' - Or Is It ACTUALLY System-led and/or Practitioner-led?

Is your Support Service REALLY 'Client-led' - Or Is It ACTUALLY System-led and/or Practitioner-led?

In this video and podcast Alan comments on the prevalence of many support services that are described as 'client-led' or 'person-centred' but in practice are not. 

Often the priority focus is on fulfilling system outcome targets or practitioner agendas or both and the client's experience of the process is secondary. One of the ways this is de-prioritised is in the approaches to measurement of the 'success' or effectiveness of the service which will often also be system or practitioner defined and decided 'for' the client or 'about' them and their qualitative experience of the process is not considered. Alan outlines in the video the many ways in which this important distinction shows up.

To watch the YouTube video of this podcast visit this link: https://youtu.be/ycxGMpyJ4RU

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Books and ebooks:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

May 25, 202221:04
Mediators Discuss Psychological Safety at Work: Effective conflict resolution for psychological safety at work

Mediators Discuss Psychological Safety at Work: Effective conflict resolution for psychological safety at work

In this podcast I am joined again by Melloney Guiver, The HR Lawyer, to discuss psychological safety at work, in particular the many crossovers between the 'ethos' of some approaches to mediation and the themes and intentions of promoting psychological safety at work, as particularly highlighted by the work of Amy Edmondson and Timothy Clarke.

If you'd like to watch the YouTube video of this podcast please go to this link: https://youtu.be/TgXOWdvIJkk

Chapter headings as follows: 

00:00 Introductions to mediators and establishment of topics for discussion within the theme of Psychological Safety at Work  

07:30 Themes for discussion: Where some models of mediation and the ethos of psychological safety 'meet'; Diversity and Inclusion - how mediation practices and a psychologically 'safe' experience of workplaces can support useful discussions in these areas; The link between effective health and safety support and whether. the approach is 'parent-child' or 'adult-adult'.

09:05 Where mediation and psychological safety 'meet'

28:40 Health and Safety and Welfare at Work - policies, implementation. Relevance to Psychological Safety at Work.

42:40 Diversity and Inclusion - how mediation practices and a psychologically 'safe' experience of workplaces can support useful discussions in these areas.

54:15 On to a broader discussion about various aspects relating to the 3 main themes.

01:00:35 The delusion that a manager or leader should have the skills and capacities to 'give' or 'deliver' psychological safety 'to' staff and how that 'parent-child' expectation means such beliefs will inhibit its development in a workplace.

01:21:30 Review of topics and end...

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks:  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS 

Outro Music: 

All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Song:
Gently, Onwards Artist ELPHNT : Album: Gently, Onwards : Licensed to YouTube by: YouTube Audio Library
May 23, 202201:23:59
What IS Effective Active Listening? Effective Active Listening for conflict resolution, mental health challenges and for psychological safety at work.

What IS Effective Active Listening? Effective Active Listening for conflict resolution, mental health challenges and for psychological safety at work.

WHAT IS EFFECTIVE ACTIVE LISTENING? 

How to practise effective active listening. 

This podcast explores the importance and application of EAL in 3 main areas: 

1. Effective Active Listening for supporting conflict resolution 

2. Effective Active Listening for supporting people with mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and other challenges 

3. The relevance of Effective Active Listening for Psychological Safety at Work - how interactions that support and promote psychological safety at work can include an awareness of what constituted effective active listening.

The video of this podcast has some visual annotations so if you would like to watch it on youtube this is the link: https://youtu.be/gij5VlRPq80

Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks:  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. 

Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Apr 06, 202226:57
Why Psychological Safety Requires an ‘Adult-Adult’ Approach and not ‘Parent-Child’

Why Psychological Safety Requires an ‘Adult-Adult’ Approach and not ‘Parent-Child’

Why psychological safety requires an ‘adult-adult’ approach and not ‘parent-child’.  

In this video and podcast, Alan discusses the risks to an environment of psychological safety at work when the approach taken is a 'parent-child' one. He outlines features of commentaries that he has come across that can imply people at work start with a 'blank slate', having no real conception or awareness of their own capacity for developing their own psychological safety at work. 

But people will always bring their own awareness and capacities for this whether they label it as psychological safety or not and so to use an approach that can suggest it has to be 'created for' employees and team members rather than for them to develop and grow it for themselves, together, as peers is akin to a 'parent-child' approach rather than an 'adult-adult' one.   

Alan looks at two ways in which he has seen this and characterises them as 'the blank slate' idea and the  'It's organic, not linear' critique. 

This is the link to the video interview referred to at 4:15 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O-CbvTfcqk 

Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. 

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 26, 202227:09
Listening Skills to Support People with Mental Health Challenges. Are You Witnessing or Assessing?

Listening Skills to Support People with Mental Health Challenges. Are You Witnessing or Assessing?

Listening Skills to Support People with Mental Health Challenges. Are You Witnessing or Assessing?  

In this video and podcast Alan talks about the distinction between listening to people who feel vulnerable in order to 'witness' their personal difficulties, possibly mental health challenges, and listening in order to 'assess' them for some further action such as signposting, diagnosing or prescribing.   

Both types of listening are important but it's also important for the person being listened to, to understand which they are to experience. There is sometimes a risk that being listened to in order to be 'assessed' can lead people to feel they are losing control of their situation and they are being 'told' or directed to do something as a consequence of their difficulty, and sensitivity to this possibility is important.   

Listening as 'witnessing' is providing a respectful 'space' in which they can share their sense of vulnerability or despair or worries without any risk of it being 'taken over' but simply with the intention of giving that person a chance to 'be with themselves' and their difficulties with the support of someone being with them, alongside them but not intervening in any way.  

Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. 

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS Outro Music: 

Gently onwards, youtube free music library

Jan 23, 202210:30
How Mediation Skills Promote Psychological Safety at Work – Personal Challenges for Leaders

How Mediation Skills Promote Psychological Safety at Work – Personal Challenges for Leaders

How Mediation Skills Promote Psychological Safety at Work – Personal Challenges for Leaders  

In this video and podcast Alan outlines two main characterisations of 'psychological safety' by pioneers in the field - Amy Edmondson and Timothy Clark. He then goes on to outline how the mediation skills and practices and 'ethos' would seem to be strongly aligned with optimising the possibilities for psychological safety, even if a 'leader' and team members will not be present as mediators.  

Mediation is a process that promotes effective communication and creativity in response to a conflict and while not all teams will have relationship breakdowns in the way that most situations that involve mediation will, the essence of psychological safety would seem to point to the same aim. 

If you'd like to watch the YouTube video of this podcast please visit this link: https://youtu.be/_pFXA-xpR28 

Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. 

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 18, 202222:13
Exploring the 3 ways to Create Psychological Safety at Work – the Role of the Leader

Exploring the 3 ways to Create Psychological Safety at Work – the Role of the Leader

Exploring the 3 ways to Create Psychological Safety at Work – the Role of the Leader  

This video and podcast is another in the journey of exploring the concept and implementation of supporting 'psychological safety at work'. 

I have based the exploration on Amy Edmondson's description of the 3 main ways in which this can be possible in organisations if leaders can carry through those 3 aspects.  

The more I explore the concept of psychological safety at work and the foundations for it being possible that are put forward by Professor Amy Edmondson and others, the more I see many similarities to the underlying thinking and communication practices of mediators and conflict coaches and to the CAOS models of mediation and conflict coaching which are processes designed to support more effective communication and  creativity in response to conflict.   

Chapters: 01:10 The content and focus of the video/podcast 

02:25 Professor Edmondson's characterisation of Psychological Safety, then moving into the 3 ways that she says leaders can 'create' psychological safety at work 

03:50 Introduction to the 3 ways starting with: 1. Frame the work as a learning problem not an execution problem 

08:26    2. Acknowledge your own fallibility 

10:07.   3. Modelling curiosity - how mediation and conflict coaching practices strongly align with the means by which this is achieved. 

12:24  Review of the 3 ways and issues and questions that arise in relation to the actual carrying through and development of them 'in reality'. The language used, such as, can a leader 'create' a feeling of safety for others and what does that capacity imply - a level of dependency that might in itself be 'unsafe'? 

17:48 The importance of understanding what are effective questions that support an atmosphere of curiosity and open and 'psychologically safe' discussion. How this links to way no. 1 of 'framing work as a learning problem'.  

21:05 What is the 'reality' of Psychological Safety at Work being created? 23:25 Some questions and 'loose ends' to finish off with.

Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes and organisational conflict, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. 

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. 

Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 16, 202227:01
Psychological Safety at Work sounds a GREAT idea! BUT! Some Questions for Amy Edmondson + others

Psychological Safety at Work sounds a GREAT idea! BUT! Some Questions for Amy Edmondson + others

Psychological Safety at Work sounds a GREAT idea!  BUT! Some Questions for Amy Edmondson + others...  

Psychological Safety at Work is a concept developed by Amy Edmondson Novartis Professor of Leadership and Management at Harvard Business School. Many of the practices that she says will support the development of a sense of Psychological Safety at work are reflected in mediation skills practices, which is not surprising given that some of the ways Professor Edmondson characterises the concept is 'permission for candour', accepting mistakes or even failure in teams, acknowledging our own fallibility, framing work as a learning problem rather than an execution problem. All of these characterisations resemble the purpose of mediation as a process that supports creativity in response to conflict, seeing it as an opportunity for learning, change and growth.   

BUT, in this video and podcast, Alan shares some questions about the 'reality' of being able to create or support psychological safety at work. In much that is said about this concept there remains little about the actual practices and behaviours that leaders and teams and organisations use to introduce it. This risks the possibility that it remains a 'great idea' but does not prove practical to implement without clarity about what these behaviours need to be and why.   

There also seems to be a lot of emphasis on 'leaders creating' psychological safety but little about how others also need to be involved in this, and recognition of policies that limit the wider possibilities across an organisation for psychological safety to become part of its culture.   

Here is the link to the video on youtube from which this podcast is taken: https://youtu.be/FkWNh8i6oZQ

Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

 Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 14, 202222:14
Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours: Podcast 3: It’s long term and entrenched

Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours: Podcast 3: It’s long term and entrenched

Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours: Podcast 3: It’s long term and entrenched

In this video and podcast Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in London in the UK.

This is the third of 3 videos and podcasts on the topic, designed to address the considerations and challenges that can arise at different stages of the 'life' of a neighbour dispute:

Video/Podcast 1: The early stages - this looks at the considerations and experiences people may have at the first/earliest instances of a problem arising.  Link to YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/uhnJpv3KFMc

Video/Podcast 2: It's now a complaint - this video looks at the kinds of issues to consider once the dispute has been formalised into some form of official complaint  - link to the YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/fDZZ8nFnnrM

Video 3/Podcast: It's long term and entrenched - this video looks at the kinds of experiences people may have when a dispute with neighbours has become long term, perhaps 2-3 years or more, even as long as 10 years and the ways in which people may respond and resort to legal processes, or experience or carry out violence or abuse as a result of the stress and frustration - link to the YouTube video of this:  https://youtu.be/utBca020pHg


Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Books and ebooks:

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS

Outro. Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 11, 202228:08
Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 2: It's now a complaint

Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 2: It's now a complaint

How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 2: It's now a complaint   

In this video and podcast Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in London in the UK.    

This is the second of 3 videos and podcasts on the topic, designed to address the considerations and challenges that can arise at different stages of the 'life' of a neighbour dispute:   

Video/Podcast 1: The early stages - this looks at the considerations and experiences people may have at the first/earliest instances of a problem arising.  Link to YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/uhnJpv3KFMc

Video/Podcast 2: It's now a complaint - this video looks at the kinds of issues to consider once the dispute has been formalised into some form of official complaint  - link to the YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/fDZZ8nFnnrM

Video/Podcast 3: It's long term and entrenched   Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk   

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland   

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html   

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html   

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/   

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

Books and ebooks:   

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html   

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316   

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221   

CREDITS  

Outro. Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 10, 202231:47
Mediator/Conflict coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 1: The Early Stages

Mediator/Conflict coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 1: The Early Stages

How to resolve disputes with neighbours. 

Podcast 1: The Early Stages  

In this video and podcast, Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in London in the UK.   

This is the first of 3 videos and podcasts on the topic, designed to address the considerations and challenges that can arise at different stages of the 'life' of a neighbour dispute:   

Video/Podcast 1: The early stages - this looks at the considerations and experiences people may have at the first/earliest instances of a problem arising.  (YouTube link if you prefer to see the video: https://youtu.be/uhnJpv3KFMc)

Video/Podcast 2: It's now a complaint 

Video/Podcast 3: It's long term and entrenched  

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks: 

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html 

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 07, 202228:39
WHY ‘I'M RIGHT - YOU'RE WRONG’ prevents debate on important issues from moving on effectively

WHY ‘I'M RIGHT - YOU'RE WRONG’ prevents debate on important issues from moving on effectively

This video and podcast identifies how to move forward in debates that have become, or are at risk of becoming a stuck discussion. "WHY ‘I'M RIGHT - YOU'RE WRONG’ prevents debate on important issues from moving on effectively"  looks at the effect of using demonising 'labels' to describe people who we disagree with and how they represent the 'competitive approach' to conflict that never supports effective and useful conflict resolution that leads to learning, change and growth.  

Here is the link to the YouTube video if you prefer to watch: https://youtu.be/foPAl1x5cWo

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html 

Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks: 

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html 

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 04, 202228:27
Mediators discuss: Supporting Homelessness Prevention Through Mediation - A discussion with Hannah Fox - Mediator at The Bridge in Leicestershire

Mediators discuss: Supporting Homelessness Prevention Through Mediation - A discussion with Hannah Fox - Mediator at The Bridge in Leicestershire

In this video and podcast Alan has a discussion with Hannah Fox about the use of mediation in supporting homelessness prevention for young people at risk of having to leave their family home.

Hannah Fox is a Psychology graduate who has spent the last 7 years working with young adults in a variety of settings, including residential care homes, schools and in the community. Hannah is a CAOS-trained mediator who currently works at The Bridge, a charity in Leicestershire in the UK, that provides specialist services to support individuals who are homeless or at risk of homelessness. See their website at this link: https://www.thebridge-eastmidlands.org.uk/services/talk2sort 

Please share your thoughts and questions about the discussion in the comments section or via email at caos@caos-conflict-management.co.uk  

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. 

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html 

Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks: How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Dec 24, 202101:02:11
Mediators discuss ....Conflict Resolution in Workplaces - A discussion with Melloney Guiver - The HR Lawyer

Mediators discuss ....Conflict Resolution in Workplaces - A discussion with Melloney Guiver - The HR Lawyer

In this first video and podcast in our series 'Mediators discuss....' Alan has a conversation with Melloney Guiver - The HR Lawyer - about our respective experiences of working in the area of conflict resolution in workplaces.   

Melloney’s work has led her to conclude that the ‘old ways’ of managing employment issues through progressive disciplinary and grievance, procedures, rarely work to resolve them for employer and employee. She is passionate about re-writing these rules to create new ways of people management and this has become part of her work mission.  

Alan's experiences of workplace mediation are drawn from 14 years of providing the process, as well as conflict coaching for various public sector and community organisations, particularly in universities but also local authorities and charitable organisations.   

The discussion explores various areas of workplace conflict and the often ineffective and counterproductive 'standard' approaches that involve disciplinary and grievance procedures and bullying and harassment policies, often as the only option available to those involved. These can be seen as representing parent child relationships in the workplace and are inevitably less effective than a more 'adult-adult' working relationship.   

Please share your thoughts and questions about the discussion in the comments section.   

For more details about Melloney please see her profile page at gunnercooke: https://gunnercooke.com/people/melloney-guiver/ 

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

If you would like Conflict Coaching via  Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks: 

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html 

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. 

Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Dec 13, 202101:21:05
How to RESOLVE workplace bullying allegations. Letting go of the 'Prove + Punish' approach that doesn't work.

How to RESOLVE workplace bullying allegations. Letting go of the 'Prove + Punish' approach that doesn't work.

How to resolve workplace bullying allegations rather than pursue a ‘prove and punish’ approach that rarely if ever works but which leads to a 'circle of blame' where everyone involved is left dissatisfied - the person who feels bullied, the person accused of bullying and those tasked with managing the bullying allegation.   

In this podcast Alan makes reference to his book "How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace - Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome For All' which identifies how more active and self-supporting approaches to any bullying situation can assist all involved in dealing with workplace bullying allegations to create a resolution in the situation and support a return to an effective workplace relationship. 

The traditional 'prove and punish' approach means that both the person feeling bullied and the person accused have their situation 'handed over' to a third party to investigate but which inevitably leads to an inconclusive outcome due to the subjective interpretation and assessment of whether bullying has actually occurred. This means that the person who feels bullied also feels unsupported or 'not believed' while the person accused feels as if a 'dark cloud' of association follows them. Both, in turn are likely to blame those who manage the situation for not reaching a clear outcome from using an approach which is fundamentally flawed.   

The book outlines the kinds of approach that Alan has seen people involved in entrenched bullying allegation situations use to resolve their difficulty. Sometimes this is with the support of processes like mediation and conflict coaching but in other situations the resolution has been self-created by those involved.  

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

 Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks: 

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html 

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Dec 07, 202125:10
Do you really 'EMPOWER' people? Can't people only ever empower themselves? What does 'CLIENT-LED' actually mean?

Do you really 'EMPOWER' people? Can't people only ever empower themselves? What does 'CLIENT-LED' actually mean?

Many organisations claim that they 'empower' people and use a client-led or person-centred approach in the service or process they offer. But in this podcast Alan is asking viewers who provide such services 'Do you really empower people?' and 'What does client-led or 'person-centred' mean - for you?'   

To suggest that I, or we 'empower people' is intrinsically self-contradictory as it assumes people don't have power already and they 'need' to be 'given' it by someone else, rather than be helped to recognise or create additional choices for themselves. This suggests a 'parent-child' view of clients as if they are 'without power' and the service provider 'gives it to them' as if 'bestowed'. This is in itself self-contradictory as it portrays personal power as something that some have and others don't and so the latter have to be 'given' it.   

In mediation and conflict coaching we speak of 'supporting empowerment' in recognition that empowerment is not ours to give but we can provide a process that supports people in reflecting on their situations and how they can create answers and choices for themselves rather than be 'given' them.   

Alan also looks at 'system-led' processes and 'practitioner-led' processes that can also sometimes claim to be client-led and to 'empower people' that are now appearing in mental health services, that suggest that there can be fixed answers to people's issues and that following 'assessment' they can be prescribed for people. Thus they are ultimately practitioner led and disempowering as they imply a dependence on the service provider for the 'answer' to their mental health challenges, something which for people already feeling stuck and powerless can lead to the opposite of what the service is intended for.In this way it is not providing effective mental health support.  

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland 

If you would like Conflict Coaching via  Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html or directly via caos@caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com 

Books and ebooks: 

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html 

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Nov 30, 202119:28
'Adult-Adult' and 'Parent'-Child Relationship Dynamics in Conflict Resolution. What type is yours?

'Adult-Adult' and 'Parent'-Child Relationship Dynamics in Conflict Resolution. What type is yours?

This podcast, also available as a youtube video ( https://youtu.be/DbmSn5vSalw ) explores the metaphor of 'adult-adult' and 'parent-child' relationships as they relate to effective relationships and ineffective, co-dependent relationships. Any effective relationship will spent time in a 'parent-child' dynamic occasionally but predominantly remain in an adult-adult dynamic., But difficulties arise when the 'parent-child' dynamic seems 'stuck' in place and a seemingly 'addictive' and co-dependent dynamic exists. This can be seen in family, workplace relationships as well as between service providers, both individuals within them and the organisations themselves, and their users/clients.   

A significant feature that helps to break out from a stuck parent-child dynamic is the recognition of autonomy and its enactment by any involved in the relationship. Once that autonomy is acknowledged, from whatever place within the relationship the dependent relationship can start to release from its dependency. Either the 'parent' or the 'child' in the dynamic can initiate that possibility of release  through either letting go of their own wish to control and its practice, or through recognising the possibility for self-determination and its practice. While this may be challenging to achieve on a personal level there is a simplicity to the process involved in that it allows for change to occur through just one person 'acting' rather than requiring all to do so. The actor's change will intrinsically impact on the experience of the other(s) in the relationship in supporting movement towards an adult status and dynamic.

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime or Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Books and ebooks:

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

May 16, 202141:40
It Doesn't Matter If We DON'T AGREE! What Matters is HOW WE DISAGREE!

It Doesn't Matter If We DON'T AGREE! What Matters is HOW WE DISAGREE!

In this podcast Alan discusses the perceived need for 'agreement' in order to move forward in many difficult situations. Very often this can be the cause of not moving forward in such situations because an obsession with and sense of dependency on 'the other person(s)' agreement being necessary. In many situations this is not essential for moving forward and people's focus on agreement being necessary can lead to personal comments, coercive behaviour, abuse and even violence in order to try to 'control' their views and ensure their agreement. 

Where we can come to an acceptance of someone else's different point of view it means we can focus on what we can do without that requirement for agreement being in place. An understanding of their reasons for not agreeing with us and having a different perspective, without seeing that openness to hearing and understanding them as a threat to our own perspective can provide us with various creative opportunities in our own moving forward, even where we find it baffling that the other person could hold such a view. 

Enabling our focus to be on continuing on our own journey rather than trying to force others to join us allows for disagreement without destructiveness, abuse or even violence. Instead it provides an opportunity for acceptance, non-dependence, openness to other possibilities and allows the focus of our energy on the creation of new ways forward rather than the destruction of the other and their viewpoints, the worst situations of course being where we try to destroy both. 

Disagreement, when carried through constructively, can be a humbling, stimulating, creative opportunity for evolving and adapting instead of a destructive experience of entrenchment, despair, frustration and 'war'. 

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime or Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Books and ebooks:

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200


Apr 11, 202123:39
ANGER Is A Natural Source of Energy for Useful Change! This Podcast Addresses How to use Anger Constructively, not Destructively!

ANGER Is A Natural Source of Energy for Useful Change! This Podcast Addresses How to use Anger Constructively, not Destructively!

This podcast explores and distinguishes between what helps anger to be acknowledged and then used constructively to create useful change and what prevents that possibility when it is used destructively towards vandalism, abuse and violence. It leads to 6 main points about how to use our anger constructively rather than be ‘taken over’ by it and misdirect it towards destructive actions.   

This podcast was inspired by terrorist and tragic events in London and Manchester in May/June 2017  including the Grenfell Tower fire in West London, and the different ways of responding to these events shown by different members of the community, media and politicians.   

The aim of the podcast is to help listeners reflect on their intentions for how to use their anger and to direct it towards aims that benefit everyone rather than continue and escalate the personal criticisms and even violence, abuse and destruction that can sometimes follow such events.  

If you would like further support for asking questions in the way described in the podcast, please see this video on the use of effective open questions that support conflict resolution: https://youtu.be/A8l1x9Qn1b0  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict  

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Books and ebooks:

The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Sep 09, 202026:00
HOW OUR LANGUAGE CAN ENTRENCH US in a VICTIMHOOD MINDSET or it can HELP US TO RELEASE OURSELVES FROM IT!

HOW OUR LANGUAGE CAN ENTRENCH US in a VICTIMHOOD MINDSET or it can HELP US TO RELEASE OURSELVES FROM IT!

In this podcast, Alan explores the ways in which a 'victimhood mindset' can become established within us if we don't stop to consider how we speak about our difficult situations. It will often be that simple changes in how we say things....developing more 'mindful communication'....will help us to review how we are seeing our difficult situations and in turn change how we are dealing with them in ways that feel more personally powerful, more active and from less of a position of victimhood.  

See the video of this podcast at this link: https://youtu.be/Z7rTP-HLA_Q

The video Alan refers to later in the podcast about a quote by Eckhart Tolle can be found at this link: Contemplations on Conflict: ECKHART TOLLE - ON AN UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL, YOU DO NOT WANT POSITIVE CHANGE https://youtu.be/Whb4Mnik3Ys  

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Alan's book 'How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All' provides further insight into the ways in which mediation, conflict coaching and particular management approaches to workplace disputes can enable more effective resolution of those disputes.  https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com

BOOKS How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS

Intro/outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Aug 13, 202032:24
WHY MOST WORKPLACE BULLYING + HARASSMENT POLICIES DON'T WORK + HOW THEY COULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE!

WHY MOST WORKPLACE BULLYING + HARASSMENT POLICIES DON'T WORK + HOW THEY COULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE!

In this podcast, also available as a video on youtube, Alan outlines what he sees as the 6 main flaws that occur in most 'bullying and harassment' policies which lead to inevitable frustration and ineffectiveness as a response to bullying and also in some cases to harassment. He then goes on to detail the reasons why these are significant flaws and the ways in which such policies can be much improved - including the greater effectiveness and clarity that would arise if there were separate policies for bullying and for harassment in recognition of their different legal statuses.  

See the video of this podcast at this link: https://youtu.be/smoWRKWIQbY

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk 

Alan's book 'How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All' provides further insight into the ways in which mediation, conflict coaching and particular management approaches to workplace disputes can enable more effective resolution of workplace disputes.  https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype for FaceTime, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

If you are looking for consultancy and support in relation to developing more considered, effective bullying and harassment policies, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/enquiry-page.html  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

BOOKS How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  

CREDITS 

Intro/outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200  

Mar 09, 202045:29
The Illusion of Bullying, The Reality of Harassment

The Illusion of Bullying, The Reality of Harassment

In this podcast, Alan talks about the 'illusion' of bullying where a common difficulty for people having difficult relationship challenges at work is that if they wish to prove it is bullying  it "...is like a ghost, we may think we have seen it, but if we try to pin it down in order to prove it exists we find ourselves clutching at thin air." Investigations into bullying allegations commonly fail to come to a conclusion and while they continue and also at their inconclusive end, the people involved experience various emotional and psychological challenges and will often be signed off work as a result of diagnosed stress. The usual processes involved in investigating bullying leave those affected feeling passive and powerless to have any influence over their situation. This arises predominantly because no legal definition of bullying exists and so any attempts to ascertain whether it has occurred or not are thwarted by the subjectivity of the situation. This leads to accusations of a cover-up or a white wash or conspiracy but in fact it is due to the fundamentally ineffective and unworkable attempt to respond to bullying in the same way as harassment is responded to. But harassment IS legally defined and so proving its existence is not like 'proving you have seen a ghost', it is real and observable and with sufficient evidence, a claim of harassment can more easily and effectively be proven. 

Alan goes on to talk about various consequences of this confusion between the illusion of bullying and the reality of harassment and why bullying allegations need to be treated differently - to the extent that letting go of the very idea of 'bullying' in order to focus on more specific and useful descriptions of the difficult behaviours involved in any broken or difficult workplace relationship would be a more effective way of dealing with the situation. This is where mediation and conflict coaching and effective management practices are more suitable in that their focus is not on 'proving that bullying has occurred' and so that unnecessary detour can be avoided. Instead, those directly involved can play an active role in improving the situation through being supported to restore the broken relationship and create a new way of interacting that is more respectful, creative and productive than that which existed previously. 

YouTube video by Lawyer about  Fair Work Commission https://youtu.be/wWzCj9jUaMA

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype for FaceTime, please contact Alan via this webpage:

https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

BOOKS:

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200



Feb 27, 202031:13
Avoid 'negative people' or 'energy vampires' and become agoraphobic and powerless instead!

Avoid 'negative people' or 'energy vampires' and become agoraphobic and powerless instead!

There are many social media posts that advocate 'staying away from negative people' as a way of living life to the full and to achieve 'happiness'. In this video and podcast Alan talks about the many downsides to this approach to life that are not often considered in such suggestions, initially that simply to see someone as 'negative' is in itself 'negative' and so it would seem we then must have to stay away from ourselves! This self-contradiction or hypocrisy will then often lead to an approach to life where we persistently cut ourselves off from more and more. people as their inevitable human 'negativity' emerges in the relationship we have with them. Indeed some people reach a recognition that they have always cut ties with someone when they have felt upset as a consequence of the person's actions and as a consequence they have become isolated or even 'agoraphobic' with regard to going out and engaging with people in case they come across the growing number of people they see as 'negative' or 'energy vampires'. 

The phrase 'energy vampire' is applied to people who are seen as 'sucking the life out of us' as if anyone has that capacity and, again, ignores our own part in any such experience that if someone shares a personal difficulty they are having with us, we are worn out by it when we feel we have to 'fix' them as a consequence or 'take on their burden' when simply listening without that self-created expectation is more healthy both for the person experiencing difficulty and for us in that we can listen without feeling we have to take over and carry the difficulty the person is communicating about for them! The sense of 'life being sucked out of us' is a misinterpretation as that is, of course, impossible, but if we feel tired from the listening to someone speaking about their life challenges it will be because we are trying to take on something we have no power to do and so we are tiring ourselves out by doing this. They are not 'energy vampires' we are trying to 'rescue' them and control something we have no control over....that will inevitably be tiring. 

This is the article by Nikki Sapp that Alan refers to in the podcast: https://fractalenlightenment.com/32288/life/how-to-find-yourself-through-your-perception-of-others

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype for FaceTime, please contact Alan via this webpage: 

https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

BOOKS written by Alan:

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS 

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Images from www.pixabay.com and www.unsplash.com 

Feb 13, 202024:44
Why Conflict Resolution Does Not Need AGREEMENT - But it may be a side effect...

Why Conflict Resolution Does Not Need AGREEMENT - But it may be a side effect...

In this podcast Alan discusses a frequent misperception that conflict resolution has to involve agreement when there are various situations he has seen through his work as a mediator and conflict coach, and in life outside of those processes, where conflict has been resolved without any need for agreement. It is possible to resolve conflict through being able to 'respectfully and creatively disagree' and indeed this is what we all do each day anyway in our personal and working lives - we just do it so easily we don't even recognise it has happened. When a conflict has become stuck or entrenched or is repeatedly occurring there can be a belief that in order for it to be resolved then there needs to be 'agreement' reached on different things. Alan discusses why this is a misperception and a myth that can even make things worse and more difficult if not questioned. 


Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

BOOKS written by Alan:

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 22, 202033:24
Using Mediation in Complaints - NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student Complaints and others

Using Mediation in Complaints - NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student Complaints and others

In this podcast Alan discusses the use of mediation in a range of different areas of complaints. He focuses on the 3 types of complaint he has provided mediation in as well as more general considerations about complaints systems and the ways in which mediation can be useful in helping to resolve complaints where the normal procedures have not proven satisfactory and conclusive. 

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

BOOKS written by Alan:

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 15, 202036:54
It's Not You It's Me!...No Actually it IS YOU! ....But Really.....It Just Is!

It's Not You It's Me!...No Actually it IS YOU! ....But Really.....It Just Is!

This podcast looks at the journey that can happen in any relationship, whether personal or at work where a difficult feeling or experience starts to occur and we look to allocate 'cause' or 'blame' for it. At first our impulse may be to look to ourselves with negative judgements and criticisms but in many ways that makes it even more likely that when we can't find a clear cause within ourselves we react strongly with the suggestion the 'cause' or 'blame' is to be allocated in someone else. This need to identify an individual whether ourselves or another for a difficult situation arising is the basis for many unresolved conflicts. Often the difficult feeling will arise simply because something has changed in our life circumstances and we look to explain it as being about 'us' or 'them' rather than it just 'is' as a consequence of the infinite number of things that can change in our daily experience and the fact that we sometimes struggle to accommodate those changes. 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 26 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management trainer and consultant.

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Subscribe to the CAOS podcast on Anchor at:  https://anchor.fm/caotica  or on iTunes at: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/caos/id1492578653

TRAINING:

To train as a Mediator in the CAOS model: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  

To train as a Conflict Coach in the CAOS model: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html

BOOKS:  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200


Jan 12, 202025:08
HOW TO HAVE USEFUL, PRODUCTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH SOMEONE YOU DISLIKE, DESPISE OR EVEN HATE!

HOW TO HAVE USEFUL, PRODUCTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH SOMEONE YOU DISLIKE, DESPISE OR EVEN HATE!

In this podcast, Alan discusses the common ways in which difficult discussions become unproductive and repetitive and, in contrast, how those discussions can become productive and useful if we are aware of the pitfalls of using personal labels within our own contribution to the communication. 

When we can see how to take more control of our part in discussions  with others whether face-to-face, by email and even on social media, we can optimise them to serve a useful purpose in helping us to move forward in a challenging situation. This arises when we develop more mindful communication in order to respond to conflict in a way that helps to learn and change and grow. 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 26 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant.

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com

Subscribe to the CAOS podcast on Anchor at:  https://anchor.fm/caotica  or on iTunes at: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/caos/id1492578653

BOOKS  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 08, 202027:07
How Universities Make Use of Mediation and Conflict Coaching

How Universities Make Use of Mediation and Conflict Coaching

In this podcast, Alan describes some of the many ways in which university communities make use of mediation, conflict coaching and other conflict resolution support processes. Alan has worked with universities since 2007, starting with student complaints mediation and since then moving on to various other areas of disputes within universities including staff/staff workplace disputes and group disputes as well as the other areas described within the podcast and video. 

For more information about the use of mediation in universities visit this webpage: 

https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/university-mediation.html

If Peer-to-Peer resolution support training is of interest to you please visit these webpages:

https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/student-accommodation-conflict.html

https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/student-group-work-conflict.html

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. 

He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/   

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

BOOKS written by Alan:

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316   

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221   

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 05, 202020:31
CREATIVITY FROM CONFLICT: BEING AT EASE IN CONFLICT SITUATIONS

CREATIVITY FROM CONFLICT: BEING AT EASE IN CONFLICT SITUATIONS

As we go into a new decade with much division and disagreement from the last few years, what can we understand about conflict? How can we become at ease with conflict and see it as an opportunity for learning, change and growth?  

In this video and podcast Alan looks at some positive potential consequences of engaging with conflict if we can be more accepting of its inevitability in life.  

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant.   

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  

Alan refers to an article in the podcast which expands upon using conflict as an opportunity for learning, connection and insight and this can be found at this link:  https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20140421222449-47950092-conflict-is-an-opportunity-use-it/  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/   

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

Subscribe to the CAOS podcast on Anchor at:  https://anchor.fm/caotica  or on iTunes at: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/caos/id1492578653  

BOOKS  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316   

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221   

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Jan 01, 202024:54
Contemplations on Conflict: Byron Katie - The 4 Questions and Turnaround of The Work

Contemplations on Conflict: Byron Katie - The 4 Questions and Turnaround of The Work

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings or approaches he 'contemplates', please share them in the comments section below.   

The Work by Byron Katie 

The 4 Questions of 'The Work' by Byron Katie 

1. Is it true? 

2. Is it absolutely true? 

3. How do you react when you think that thought? 

4. Who would you be without that thought?  

The Turnaround  

In this video and podcast Alan gives his understanding of the process of 'The Work' which has been a significant influence for him personally and in his work as a mediator and conflict coach.   

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant.   

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/   

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

Subscribe to the CAOS podcast on Anchor at:  https://anchor.fm/caotica  

..or on iTunes at: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/caos/id1492578653  

BOOKS  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316   

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221   

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Dec 29, 201929:26
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS 'BODY LANGUAGE'. Why The Idea it Exists Obstructs Effective Communication!

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS 'BODY LANGUAGE'. Why The Idea it Exists Obstructs Effective Communication!

There are many suggestions in books and videos that ‘body language’ exists, but in many ways it is a ‘fantasy idea’ that means we think we know what other people are thinking and feeling - and so we don’t have to take the risk of asking them! Unfortunately it is usually used to ‘confirm’ our negative beliefs about people and this makes sense when you recognise that when we think we are ‘reading body language’ we are really just projecting our assumptions and biases and stories on to others.  

The famous ‘Mehrabian Myth’ is an example of where the belief in the idea of body language has trampled over the real point of Mehrabian’s research and his results to come to the false representation of his findings to say that ‘Communication is 7% the words, 38% tone of voice and 55% facial expression’. This is completely wrong as a representation of his findings but such is the belief in the idea of body language the myth has gained traction. 

In the following link after 23 minutes through the recording, is an interview with Professor Mehrabian himself who talks about how his research is commonly misquoted and his thoughts about that. https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b00lyvz9

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/   

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

Subscribe to the CAOS podcast on Anchor at:  https://anchor.fm/caotica  

or on iTunes at: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/caos/id1492578653  

BOOKS  

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316   

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221   

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Dec 28, 201917:06
The Personal Challenges of Being a Mediator and their Potential Impact on the Mediation Process

The Personal Challenges of Being a Mediator and their Potential Impact on the Mediation Process

In this video and podcast Alan looks at the personal challenges that arise from being a mediator and whether the mediator's approach to these challenges is to default to a 'fixing' approach to the dispute between participants or whether they can stick to the discipline of the process and continue to provide a creative space in which participants can create their own answers to their dispute, complaint or other difficult situation.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  

Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/   

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com   

Subscribe to the CAOS podcast on Anchor at:  https://anchor.fm/caotica  

Podcast on iTunes at: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/caos/id1492578653  

BOOKS  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316   

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221   

CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Dec 27, 201946:04
A GUIDED MEDITATION AND VISUALISATION TO HELP YOU USE YOUR ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY

A GUIDED MEDITATION AND VISUALISATION TO HELP YOU USE YOUR ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY

This is a Guided Meditation and Visualisation that helps you use your anger constructively. We can sometimes express our anger destructively through abuse, criticism or even violence. This is more likely to happen when we direct our anger towards trying to control things we can't control. This visualisation and meditation will help you use your anger constructively towards creating positive change by focusing on what you can control.   

Listen through to the end, or take a break and pause the video at times to reflect more deeply than the podcast allows and even to take notes.

If you prefer to watch a video of this which has the text shown on screen please go to the YouTube video of the meditation

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn 

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Music: Still by Bob Holroyd, from album Fluidity and Structure: 

Ice and Sand from the YouTube free music library

Dec 19, 201917:18
GROUP MEDIATIONS FOR TEAM CONFLICT - WHAT HAPPENS, HOW THEY WORK...

GROUP MEDIATIONS FOR TEAM CONFLICT - WHAT HAPPENS, HOW THEY WORK...

In this podcast Alan describes what happens when he provides mediation for groups, the approach he takes, common experiences, why group mediations have the potential for more movement and creativity than 2-person mediations. He also discusses common misconceptions about what might happen in a group mediation and why the issues over which the mediation is originally referred will often not be the issues that the group feels are the most significant or important to deal with.  

Find out more information about team and group mediation available in the London, UK area. 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Dec 17, 201932:35
ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION (ADR) - in what way is it 'ALTERNATIVE'? The unique approach of MEDIATION!

ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION (ADR) - in what way is it 'ALTERNATIVE'? The unique approach of MEDIATION!

In this podcast Alan scans through some of the processes that come under the heading of 'alternative dispute resolution' (ADR) and looks further into why mediation is a unique alternative within that category of processes because it is a non-adversarial process.   This makes it particularly suitable for some types of dispute while adversarial processes (such as arbitration, adjudication and going to court) are appropriate for other types of dispute. 

Knowing which process is suitable for which kind of situation will mean better use will be made of all of these processes. Often there is confusion about this and so processes which are inappropriate to the situation are attempted but lead to frustration because it cannot provide a useful and satisfactory outcome for those involved. Additionally, processes which didn't used to be called 'mediation' and which are still adversarial in nature are now having that label attached to them, leading to ambiguity about the role of the mediator and the process concerned.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Dec 12, 201920:48
What is 'impasse' in mediation? Does it exist? A Podcast for mediation practitioners and interested others....

What is 'impasse' in mediation? Does it exist? A Podcast for mediation practitioners and interested others....

Mediator-diagnosed impasse:

If impasse is assumed by the mediator(s) to be present when not actually stated by the participants this can be based on an expectation or ‘requirement’ of participants to ‘perform’ in a preconceived manner for the benefit of the mediator(s). (Are they smiling, have they come to ‘agreement’, have they made an action plan, can it be put down on paper?) Indeed, the participants may not be stuck at all, just not doing/saying/deciding what the mediator thinks they ‘should’ be. As a consequence, a tug-of-war ensues - caused by the mediator(s) and so the situation does indeed become stuck! A perceived going-round-in-circles may be simply a revisiting of an idea or issue, perhaps a few times until it feels more comfortable and makes more sense to the participant(s). If the mediator tries to stop that or do something to prevent it being spoken of repeatedly it may mean the participants never get a chance to come to terms with it in a way they feel comfortable with. To think we, as mediators, perceive impasse when not explicitly stated by the participants can be a great indication of the extent to which we are wanting to control or direct or ‘rescue’ the people involved in a dispute rather than help them to create their own answers. This allows us to adjust our practice accordingly if we remain mindful about such experiences.

Participant-stated impasse:

 If participants state for themselves that they think they are in impasse it can simply be an honest and vulnerable openness about their perceptions and feelings about their situation at a given time in the discussion. There is no reason why that cannot quickly change without the mediator having to do anything ‘special’ to ‘make’ it happen. Sometimes an expression of impasse/feeling stuck can be just like stopping for a rest on a long journey to look around and see where we are rather than feel we have to keep ‘moving forward’, particularly where we might be a little unsure about where we are going and how we will get there, wherever ‘there’ is. On that basis a summary from a mediator of what has been discussed so far without any attempt to direct the way forward can be supportive as the participants can, while resting on their journey, be helped to look back on the places (issues, topics etc.) they have visited so far. The willingness to express a feeling of stuckness or impasse is, in many ways a gift to the mediation process as it opens up new possibilities for questions that can be asked in relation to that feeling or expression that did not exist before.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Dec 10, 201918:59
WHY MEDIATION IS VOLUNTARY AND COMPULSORY MEDIATION WOULD BE INEFFECTIVE!

WHY MEDIATION IS VOLUNTARY AND COMPULSORY MEDIATION WOULD BE INEFFECTIVE!

Mediation is a voluntary process. Its effectiveness comes from the fact that participants are present with an intention of trying to create a different way forward in their situation. They are not present because they 'have to be'. This is crucial to any outcomes being both appropriate and sustainable because the participants will create what works for them and not what a third party imposes on them.   

Alan presents his interpretation of 3 different perspectives that often propose the idea of making mediation a compulsory process: The 'system-led' view, the 'practitioner-led' view and the 'moral' view. A feature of all of these views is that they make the wishes and context of the participants secondary to other interests and as a consequence there will be little incentive for participants to engage with the process and a greater likelihood that the mediator will take a 'fixing' or directive approach to the process and as such it will be little different to the adversarial processes that mediation is designed to be an alternative to.   

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Dec 04, 201923:13
HOW WE MAKE OURSELVES POWERLESS AND STUCK IN CONFLICT AND WHAT WE CAN DO TO CHANGE!

HOW WE MAKE OURSELVES POWERLESS AND STUCK IN CONFLICT AND WHAT WE CAN DO TO CHANGE!

In this podcast Alan talks about the ways in which we can convince ourselves we are powerless and stuck in conflicts we are involved in by focusing on the things we can't control and overlooking what we can. We will often use 'personal' comments towards people and critical labels about their ideas and actions which means we make it more likely they will focus on those and react against them than focus on the issue we are having a problem over. 

These links are referred to in the podcast in case you wish to explore them further: 

Principle 1 - That we treat each other with respect

Principle 7 - That we challenge or explore the behaviour not the person

LinkedIn article - Customer Service - A Conflict Analysis

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK.  

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:


Oct 30, 201924:52
 IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION? DO YOU REALLY WANT AN APOLOGY? Do you risk remaining stuck while you wait for one?

IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION? DO YOU REALLY WANT AN APOLOGY? Do you risk remaining stuck while you wait for one?

In this podcast, which is the audiofile of the YouTube video of the same name,  Alan asks some questions in relation to having an apology in a difficult situation or for a past experience. What does it mean to you to have one? Do you 'demand' one? What if you don't get it? What if you do? How real and genuine does it feel if you had to demand it?

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK.  This video explores something that often comes up in dispute situations but which can mean different things to those involved depending on the circumstances and what led to an apology, if given and what can mean people remain stuck while waiting for one if it doesn't happen. 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Sep 21, 201918:58
WHY BULLYING INVESTIGATIONS DON'T WORK! Using the 'ACAS Guide to Bullying + Harassment' to explain why not!

WHY BULLYING INVESTIGATIONS DON'T WORK! Using the 'ACAS Guide to Bullying + Harassment' to explain why not!

Using the ACAS Guide to bullying and harassment at work, this podcast, which is the audio file from a YouTube video of a similar title looks at the reasons why investigations into bullying allegations will almost always fail to reach a conclusion (less than 1%) and so all involved will feel let down, frustrated and even resentful, often leading to suggestions of conspiracy and cover-up when that is not the cause. 

Here is the ACAS Guide to bullying and harassment at work referred to in the podcast: 

Here is the ACAS Policy Discussion paper referred to in the video:

Alan also explains why it isn’t useful to speak of bullying and harassment in the same breath as harassment is legally defined while bullying isn’t and so to use the same approach to both is ineffective and leads to the many difficulties that arise when carrying out bullying investigations.

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years and in the last 10 years particularly he has provided mediation, conflict coaching and training in workplace dispute situations which invariably involve allegations of bullying. 

If you are looking for consultancy and support in responding effectively to allegations of bullying that do not rely on an investigation but provide an alternative approach, please contact Alan via this webpage

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Sep 20, 201947:59
Contemplations on Conflict 4 - Eckhart Tolle - ON A DEEPLY UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL, YOU DO NOT WANT POSITIVE CHANGE

Contemplations on Conflict 4 - Eckhart Tolle - ON A DEEPLY UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL, YOU DO NOT WANT POSITIVE CHANGE

"Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go, and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed, angry or hard-done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon. It is also insane."

Eckhart Tolle (2010). “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment”, p.189, New World Library

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them in the comments section below.

In this podcast, also available on youtube,  Alan discusses the relevance of this quote to his practice as a mediator and reflects on its significance in responding creatively to conflict.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Sep 07, 201918:35
A Guided Meditation and Visualisation to Help You Resolve Any Conflict in Your Life!

A Guided Meditation and Visualisation to Help You Resolve Any Conflict in Your Life!

This is a Guided Visualisation to help you respond more effectively to conflict. It starts by asking you to reflect on the ways in which you are presently responding to your unresolved conflict and goes on to help you create new, self-supporting, effective ways of responding to the conflict. 

Listen through to the end, or take a break and pause the podcast at times to reflect more deeply on your situation and even to take notes if you would find that helpful.

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 20 years and in this visualisation he distils his understanding of how people fail, and then succeed in responding effectively to the different interpersonal conflicts they experience at work, with their partners, in their families, with their neighbours. Step by step you are taken through an initial awareness of yourself and how you are affected by the conflict, through an opportunity to see if you are responding in either of the two ways that never resolve a conflict, then on into an opportunity, for yourself, to create more effective ways of responding. 

This is the audio file from a YouTube video of the same title.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict, and training people to work in such situations  during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach, trainer in these skills and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

If you are based in the UK and would like to train to be a Mediator or Conflict Coach, contact Alan via this link for more information.

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Music: Still by Bob Holroyd, from album Fluidity and Structure available on iTunes. 



Sep 05, 201933:07
RESCUER SYNDROME - HOW TO RECOGNISE THE SIGNS, to 'OWN' YOUR RESCUE FANTASIES - AND LET THEM GO!

RESCUER SYNDROME - HOW TO RECOGNISE THE SIGNS, to 'OWN' YOUR RESCUE FANTASIES - AND LET THEM GO!

We can all get drawn into trying to 'fix' people who have a difficulty of some kind. The problem with rescuing people in this way is that we do it out of an assumption that they are not capable of fixing things for themselves and so we try to 'take over' the problem for them and give them our fix. 

There are many unfortunate consequences of doing this both for ourselves and for the other person, not least that we become caught up in something we have no control over and experience a lot of stress and frustration as a consequence. Stress and frustration brought upon ourselves by over-identification with another person's life situation - as if we are trying to live their life as well as our own. This can also become very difficult for the person we think we are 'helping'. It can prevent them from recognising their own capacities and power in their situation, it can feel very intrusive in ways that they may feel are unpleasant and it can lead to a breakdown in the relationship between ourselves and the other person because we become frustrated and dismissive towards them when they don't accept our 'fix' and 'great ideas'. 

This podcast, taken from a video available on the Communication and Conflict YouTube channel,  goes through some of the many ways that rescuer syndrome can show up in our relationships whether in a personal or professional situation so that we can recognise it in ourselves and seek to lessen our rescuing and help our colleague or friend in difficulty to create their own answers to their situation.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict, and training people to work in such situations  during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach, trainer in these skills and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

If you are based in the UK and would like to train to be a Mediator or Conflict Coach, contact Alan via this link for more information. 

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Sep 03, 201924:12
Contemplations on Conflict 3: "The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory but progress" - Joseph Joubert

Contemplations on Conflict 3: "The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory but progress" - Joseph Joubert

Aug 26, 201925:26
Contemplations on Conflict 2: "Conflict is the beginning of consciousness." - Mary Esther Harding

Contemplations on Conflict 2: "Conflict is the beginning of consciousness." - Mary Esther Harding

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them in the comments section below. 

"CONFLICT IS THE BEGINNING OF CONSCIOUSNESS" - Mary Esther Harding from her book 'The I and the Not-I: a Study in the Development of Consciousness'

In this podcast, also available on youtube,  Alan discusses the relevance of this quote to his practice as a mediator and reflects on its significance in responding creatively to conflict. 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK. 

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page

Visit the Communication and Conflict website

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. 

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman

Aug 21, 201924:30
Contemplations on Conflict 1 : "The Conflict Between Right and Wrong is the Sickness of the Mind"

Contemplations on Conflict 1 : "The Conflict Between Right and Wrong is the Sickness of the Mind"

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them. 

In this podcast he considers a translation of  'Hsin-hsin Ming' by Seng-ts’an quoted in the book 'The Way of Zen' by Alan Watts


The perfect way is without difficulty

Save that it avoids picking and choosing.

Only when you stop liking and disliking 

Will all be clearly understood.

A split hair’s difference, 

And Heaven and Earth are set apart!

If you want to get the plain truth,

Be not concerned with right and wrong.

The conflict between right and wrong 

Is the sickness of the mind.


Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management trainer and consultant. 

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page

Visit the Communication and Conflict website

 

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK


BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. 


CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman


Aug 19, 201932:23
What is Conflict Coaching? What does the Coach do and what is the CAOS Model?

What is Conflict Coaching? What does the Coach do and what is the CAOS Model?

In Podcast 3, Alan Sharland describes what is involved in Conflict Coaching. What the Coach does, what clients come to discuss, how the process supports them in creating a better way forward in their difficult situation.

Alan also discusses the 5-day course which Conflict Coaches attend in order to become a CAOS-trained Conflict Coach. Further details can be found at the link lower down.

If you would like to purchase the book Alan has recently had published called: 'A Guide to Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution' - please see this link:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221

If you'd like to ask a question or make a comment about the content of any CAOS podcast please use this link to do so:

www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/enquiry-page.html

Please also feel free to request topics for future podcasts to cover on the topic of communication and conflict resolution.

Alternatively, if listening via your Anchor app you can leave a voice message with your question/request/comment.

Thanks for listening!

If you like the music used on the podcast it is by Bob Holroyd - details here:
Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: bobholroyd.com

If you think others might find the podcast interesting please share it on your networks and if you like it please indicate that in the way available on the platform you hear it on.


If you'd be interested in training to be a Mediator or Conflict Coach, check out the CAOS Conflict Management webpages that offer this to see when the next courses are available:

Mediation training:
www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html

Conflict Coaching training:
www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html
Dec 05, 201824:17
What is Mediation? What does a Mediator DO?

What is Mediation? What does a Mediator DO?

In Episode 2 from CAOS, Host Alan Sharland, Director of CAOS Conflict Management in London UK talks about what happens in a mediation, how it is designed as a process to help people create a better way forward in their difficult situation, whether that be a neighbour dispute, workplace dispute, family conflict, group dispute, complaints situation or other difficulty.

He describes the 'mechanics' of what a mediator does to support people in creating their own answers to their difficult situation and why the mediator's role is not to 'fix' the situation for people but to support their communication and creativity in fixing it for themselves in whatever way works for them.

Apologies that there are a few paper shuffles in the background from time to time!

If you'd like to ask a question or make a comment about the content of any CAOS podcast please use this link to do so:

www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/enquiry-page.html

Please also feel free to request topics for future podcasts to cover on the topic of communication and conflict resolution.

Alternatively, if listening via your Anchor app you can leave a voice message with your question/request/comment.

The next podcast will be about Conflict Coaching!

Thanks for listening!

If you like the music used on the podcast it is by Bob Holroyd - details here:
Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: bobholroyd.com

If you think others might find the podcast interesting please share it on your networks and if you like it please indicate that in the way available on the platform you hear it on.


If you'd be interested in training to be a Mediator or Conflict Coach, check out the CAOS Conflict Management webpages that offer this to see when the next courses are available:

Mediation training:
www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html

Conflict Coaching training:
www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html
Oct 28, 201840:23
Welcome to CAOS - A Podcast about Communication and Conflict......And Other Stuff!
Oct 20, 201835:37