Written in the Cars

CONTENT WARNING: Extremely NSFW. Like more than usual.

This bonus episode of Written in the Cars contains graphic sexual descriptions of both car and humans. Listener discretion advised.

It was early morning when Ashton awoke to a 20 minute long audio file in her inbox. With absolutely no context, she listened to the recording, and was haunted by what she heard. We now present to you that audio file in all its glory.

Otherwise known as the bonus episode where Hannah reads an extremely explicit BTS and Lightning McQueen fanfiction.

Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

In this brief interlude between seasons, Paige, Ashton, and Hannah decide to spend a few moments discussing which cars are a smash and which cars are a pass.

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

In the season one finale of Written in the Cars, Ashton takes a rather large edible while Paige tries her hardest to just get a good episode out of her nonsensical ramblings. Meanwhile, some past guests make reappearances to tell us what they’re thankful for this thanksgiving. Happy holidays, Car Smashers!

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

This week, Paige and Ashton take a much needed break from conspiracies and instead bring in a guest to try to write a Cars Jukebox Musical by using every song on Olivia Rodrigo’s debut album, Sour. We are currently looking for a producer who is willing to fund a production of it.

(Also, Paige’s WiFi goes out about halfway through this one, so the plot of her Cars Musical will be revealed in next weeks episode.)

Paige and Ashton face their fears and discuss historical events that must have happened in the Cars universe, and are also lectured on tentacle porn. 

Discussions include Gerards scrapped pun segment, nuclear warfare, and human coexistence. 

Paige and Ashton have a heated discussion with a musician who seems to be questioning Ashton’s strong beliefs at every turn.

Discussions include car consciousness, artificial intelligence, Christmas elves, and the Star Wars Lego GameCube games.

Ashton and Paige bring in a microbiologist with a brave take on Car terrorism.

Discussions include Monster Trucks, tentacle bones, and Lightning McQueen's wiki feet score.

Special guest: Taylor Jones

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

Paige and Ashton sit in the backseat as they desperately try to understand the world of NASCAR as explained to them by an expert.

Discussions include Lightning McQueen costume tips,  grandma, and boat racing. 

Special guest: April Day

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

TW: THIS EPISODE CONTAINS A BRIEF MENTION OF CAR SUICIDE. 

This week, we travel back in time to Hannah’s first appearance on Written in the Cars, which was recorded months before the release of Cars: On the Road. Paige and Ashton are joined by an academic who has seen every single Owen Wilson film, and are presented with some interesting conspiracy theories from an undergraduate class. Discussions include the Elijah Wood prank interview, lobster biology, Owen Wilson’s hottest character, and Renesmee Theory.

 Special guest: Hannah Steele

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

We're back to our regular programming, but this week Paige and Ashton are floored when they realize their guest might have solved Cars by accident and ruined their podcast career. Discussions include Transformer Theory, robot love, and mechanical evolution. 

Paige, Ashton, and Hannah finish off their review of Cars: On the Road, and Ashton gets an important phone call.

Discussions include Paige threatening Ashton’s father, the sinking of the sentient titanic, and serial killer Mater.

Special guest: Hannah Steele

SPECIAL APPEARANCE by Ashton’s dad who was unaware we were recording when he called, sorry to that man.

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

Paige, Ashton, and unofficial third host Hannah are back to watch episodes 4,5, and 6 of the new limited series Cars: On the Road, and Hannah reveals her criminal past. 

Discussions include car cryptids, the dinotrux connection, and the queer agenda. 

Special guest: Hannah Steele

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

Ashton and Paige bring on their two emotional support Cars friends to discuss the first three episodes of Cars: On the Road, but it results in a screaming match related to political propaganda. 

Discussions include fake dinosaur bones, Car Supernatural, and professional wrestling conspiracies.

Paige is betrayed when she finds out she was the only one who prepared for today's episode, while Ashton continues to defy the Pixar Theory and seeks to convert Paige to Cartholocism. 

Discussions include the afterlife, the Top 10 Celebrity Cars, and the Parisian black market. 

Paige and Ashton are joined by a self proclaimed bird expert who has some interesting theories regarding the Birds Short. 

Discussions include The Tire of Questions, Inside Out Bird Theory, and condoms.

Free from the curse of watching a cars movie this week, Paige and Ashton discuss their strongest and most convincing Cars theories, Paige has a car dream, and Ashton has a Car Dream.

 Discussions include the famed Bug Theory, Curse Theory, and Billy Joel. 

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

This episode of Written in the Cars is dedicated to the brave firefighters who risk their lives to save others.

Bear with us on this one, it’s been a rough road. Paige and Ashton barely finish Planes: Fire and Rescue alive- but at what cost? Their spirits are broken, but the intricacies of car sex keep them going. Discussions include edible lugnuts, the face of god, car boobies, and 9/11.

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

Paige and Ashton try their best to get through Planes, a movie without Lightning McQueen, and Ashton makes a promise. Discussions include the full Cars: The Musical casting, Plane Mythological Origins, and the science of evolution.

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

What's up Car Smashers, this week on an episode that ended up being longer than the runtime of Cars 3, Paige and Ashton talk about how Cars 3 may be the best movie ever made. Discussions include the Guido and R2-D2 buddy cop film, crabs (the animal), and gay thoughts regarding Cruz Ramirez.

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.

Paige and Ashton continue their review of Cars 2 and struggle to find something genuinely good to say about the film. 

Discussions include urinating live on Jimmy Fallon, simping for Lightning McQueen, and Mater disdain. 

Content Warning: Written in the Cars is a podcast about the meaning of life and the darkness of humanity. Humans and their actions are examined through the mirror of the PCCU (Pixar's Cars Cinematic Universe). Discussions may include adult themes such as war, mental illness, sex, persecution, religion, etc.

Written in the Cars is hosted by Ashton Lorelle and Paige Turner.