Beauty In The Breakdown: Living & Loving Life After Loss

Sometimes we lose someone with whom we had a complicated, or confusing, or challenging relationship. Perhaps an estranged alcoholic parent, or a former spouse who dies decades after your separation. In some ways, it's like losing that person twice. Recently, my father died. Someone I had not been in relationship with for many years, but about whom I have some treasured memories. I dedicate this episode to him. 

Today, on the 10th anniversary of my son's suicide, I expected to devote this episode to him, but there is so much grief in the United States (and the world at large) at this very moment, it felt more appropriate to shine a light on that instead. We are ALL grieving and mourning these days: the pandemic, the legitimate protests turned violent in multiple cities throughout the United States, the total lack of national leadership...it's a lot. How do we walk THIS grief journey?  

Even though it may not feel like a priority, eating well while grieving is really important. In this episode I discuss why. 

Sitting in resistance to your loss vs. arriving at acceptance of your loss: this is the struggle that often defines grief. What do I mean by "acceptance"? How can a griever even begin to think in those terms after a heart-breaking loss? This episode suggests how. For those of you who have experienced a very recent loss, you may find that "acceptance" is not even on your radar yet, so make a note and come back to this episode at some point in the future. You'll know when the time is right. For the rest of you, here's what it does and doesn't mean to accept your loss. 

We survived Mother's Day! And by "we" I mean those of us who have experienced loss related to BEING a mother or HAVING a mother. In this episode I acknowledge all the women - not just the ones who have children of their own - who have experienced loss related to motherhood and deserve to be thought of on this day. 

Grief does not have "stages." It is not experienced in neat, predictable linear steps. You are not "done" with grief once you've checked off each step. 

There are, however, a multitude of aspects of grief. If your experience of the aspects of grief feels messy and unpredictable, then rest assured you are having a very normal grief experience and you are not alone. 

Grief is something that stays with us. We learn to carry it differently than we did when our loss first occurred, but we are never "done" with grief.  

In this episode I share some of my own personal experiences with the aspects of grief. 

Sorry I wasn't around last week. I lost my equanimity. But it's back! And in this episode I share the tale of losing "it" and getting "it" back.

This episode addresses the anxiety we are all experiencing because of the coronavirus. Although anxiety serves to warn us about "threats" in our environment, too much of it can be harmful (especially to our immune system - which is the last thing we need at the moment!). So having a few tools readily available to address it can be very helpful. I offer some "quick fixes", including the "5-4-3-2-1 Method," the Body Scan, and the written exercise called "What If...?" 

In times of suffering and crisis, creative expression can be a very effective coping mechanism. In this era of the coronavirus, when many of us are now having to stay in our homes, having to slow down, and having quite a bit of time on our hands, it is the perfect time to let our Inner Creative Geniuses come out to play. What will YOU create?

The coronavirus has plunged us into a new normal. There is going to be loss and grief along the way. But there are also already some silver linings. Join me as I explore the yin/yang of this pandemic. 

Grief by itself is hard. Add to that a global pandemic, and life can very easily seem even MORE ridiculous. So in this episode, I offer a meditation/visualization that will help you relax AND feel empowered, as well as connected to others in a healing way. Enjoy. And feel free to listen to this episode over and over. 

In this episode I interview Joree Rose, psychotherapist and mindfulness coach. We talk about the benefits of having a mindful approach to life in general, but especially at times of loss and trauma. Joree also offers some tweaks to your meditation practice if you are finding (after loss or trauma) that the meditative space you once relied on to get grounded and centered, is not working for you the way it used to. Please explore Joree's bounty of offerings at: joree rose.com.  

Another important coping mechanism when you are struggling from and with grief is to move your body. It's easy to get trapped in a "locked down" mode, staying under the covers, in the house, not doing anything. Moving actually MOVES the emotionally energy in your body that can otherwise get stagnant. Baby steps, people. Baby steps. No marathons required. 

Memories are what we have to turn to when we lose a loved one. They can be haunting or uplifting or both! But most of all they are precious. In this episode I talk about how memories affect us, and how important it is to create memories in the first place. 

The first positive coping mechanism I want to introduce you to is the practice of cultivating gratitude. This may be the furthest thing from your mind as you navigate the unbearable feelings that accompany loss and grief, but trust me, this practice is worth looking into. In this episode I explore why and reveal how. (It's super simple!) 

I can be reached via email at: cdelsol@me.com.

Visit my blog/website at www.celeniadelso.com. 

If you want to leave me a voice message, go here: https://anchor.fm/celenia-delsol/message.

And thank you for listening!

Grief is painful. It even feels unbearable at times. All we want is to feel better. And often, in wanting that, we turn to short-term energy-relieving behaviors that do alter our emotional state - for a moment - but do us no favors otherwise. In this episode I talk about how easy and natural it is for us to turn to ANYthing that will give us relief, and how we must be mindful of our choices so that they do not do us more harm, and so that we can actually experience longer-term relief and recovery.

The loss of a pet can be one of the most devastating experiences for those of us who have experienced the unconditional love of our furry (of feathery or scaly) companions. This episode addresses the challenges associated with this category of loss and what to do and not do to honor the memory of beloved pets. 

There are all sorts of support groups out there for all sorts of losses, but not all support groups are equal and not every group is a good fit for YOU. I found it helpful to find a community of people who were experiencing a similar loss to mine. It helped me feel less alone with my anguish, and it gave me hope to see that people who'd been at it for longer were also beginning to have lives again. So I encourage you to try a support group, maybe several, until you find one that works for you. 

Welcome back to Beauty In The Breakdown. In this episode, my guest and I discuss why it's important to deliver messages of appreciation and love before it's too late, and some simple ways to go about doing just that. Sherry Richert Belul, author of "Say It Now: 33 Creative Ways to Say I LOVE YOU To the Most Important People In Your Life," believes that life is to be celebrated, so that when loss of loved ones occurs - whether through death or the end of a relationship - we don't look back with regret. You can find Sherry and all her forms of celebration at: simplycelebrate.net. 

As the year (and decade!) come to an end, I wanted to offer some affirmations and intentions as we move further away from the moment of our losses, and step further into our futures, which are precious and ours to live. Tagged on at the very end is a request which I hope you are able and willing to take on. 

Grief isn't funny. It's dead serious. But at some point, you might want to consider inviting laughter back into your life. This episode considers that possibility. 

There are a lot of myths about how we’re supposed to “do” grief, and a lot of misinformation about what we can expect from the grief experience. Let’s debunk that.