Our minds put things into buckets - categorize things - as “right” and “wrong.” Where the things that look good, feel comfortable, are easy, and pleasurable are, of course, the “right” things.
And the things that are out of the ordinary, cause us to do extra work, aren’t as we would have them be are the “wrong” things.
And our brains do this constantly. Constantly scan our environments and label the things in them. And those “wrong” things can, without our even noticing, become hyper-focal points for us. We notice them and keep noticing them, and spin on them, and become increasingly aware of and often bothered by them.
Which is NOT very fun!
Interrupt brain… As directly as if it was under your authority - because, by the way, IT IS - and quite literally saying, “Stop. Focus on everything that is good about this situation..." It will generate a different type of fuel and it will ignite a better “mood” than the alternative focus. This Works!
Working with the significant other when you don’t want to anymore.
If this is you, when I bring up working together, what is the feeling that hits you initially?
Don’t filter it, just take note of the most dominant feeling that you notice when I talk about working with your person.
And before we go any further into this topic, I just want to point out that you know… You know if your situation is working great for you and your spouse or significant other. But for many of you that’s not the case. And that’s okay!
In fact, since you’re aware of it, you’re in the power seat.
Self-Care and Selfishness... What is the difference? Where is the line? Why does it matter?
What I know to be unequivocally true is that if you don’t take care of yourself, you’re not going to be 100% for the people around you.
You must decide what you want and know what you need. Then plan for those wants and needs in a way that feels best to you.
In order to change how you feel in your life you have to change the way you think about the steps along the way. You must change the way you think about your experiences. How you think about your journey. Part of your journey is noticing that other people are on a journey too. When you cross paths with a given person you might have thoughts or opinions about what that person is saying or doing. It is at this point that a lot of us get sucked into a pitfall of Shame.
Our brains naturally seem to think ahead and determine a worse case scenario and decide that it is probable and if it does happen the experience will be unbearable. In a nutshell, our brain jumps to a conclusion and trys to project us from any discomfort. We then begin to experience Shame... in advance of the experience.
Many times we start off feeling confident and comfortable in our decisions but as we begin to think about how we might be viewed by others; we begin to feel Shame. We think about how others might view us.
Shame holds us back from progress and enjoying life. Shame causes us to enter a holding pattern with decisions and goals. We simply stop moving forward.
Comparing ourselves to ourselves is a common thing and it can be a bit of a grey area, because there are times that comparing our growth or our production from one week to the next can be helpful to gauge where we’re at - what we’re doing well, and what we need to do differently. But then there’s this other facet of comparison to ourselves that isn’t useful. It’s where you take something you’ve done well or are capable of doing well and you take that good thing or that potential to do good and use it as a weapon against a less productive, or less successful experience.
Stimuli comes in, the brain figures out where to put it, makes connections to other pieces of similar information, and before you realize it you’ve made a comparison - drawn a conclusion - about yourself or someone else in relation to yourself or someone else.
So if you notice that happening, you notice yourself observing and then thinking on something that smells like comparison, you can - if you want to - simply acknowledge the thought and then direct your brain to do another activity. It will respond to your direction.
I want you to imagine that there’s a fountain flowing with water that you want - you’re thirsty -
You’re holding a bucket that you want to fill with the crystal clear liquid coming out of the fountain
Instead of getting right underneath the fountain - instead of positioning yourself with direct access to the liquid you want -
You’re holding your bucket underneath the bucket of someone else who is thirsty - someone else who wants water - someone who you want to have water, too
So you hold your bucket out, right underneath theirs, and you watch their face with anticipation as their bucket begins to fill
And you have some ideas...
Like many other things we get better at, making choices is a skill. And making good choices quickly is incredibly valuable!
A hurdle I see in many of my clients, and its not just my observation, a lot of you tell me that you are aware… that you put things off, avoid making decisions on things, or decide and then second guess yourselves… a lot.
There are two areas you can look at when you’re trying to get to the bottom of a pattern of indecision.
The first is to clarify your goals - your dreams - your desired results. The more clear you are about what you’re after, the easier it will be to make a plan to get there.
Now the other thing I coach on a lot is reasonableness. Some of you do have a clear idea of what you want and you do have a clear plan to achieve it. But... Your plan is unreasonable. It doesn’t agree with the other parts of you and of your life.
This leads to what I coach on most and that is Getting Rid of Overwhelm and Avoiding Burnout. If you’re done with feeling overwhelmed, if you refuse to burnout and you’re ready to make the necessary changes, then we need to talk.
Are you bringing more of a common cold to the group, or are you the poster Child for positive energy?
If someone else was saying the things you are saying, and doing the thing you are doing, do you think you’d be attracted to being around them more, or would they sort of repel you?
Would you feel the need to re-energize after that person left?
Would you need to dust off or metaphorically sanitize that person’s energy off of you?
Attitudes can be contagious!
Procrastination and a Table for Three:
What happens to a lot of you, even those of you who have been preplanning your weeks for a long time now, is that you get to the time and date that you had decided you were going to do something... and you don’t do it! And you didn’t forget, you consciously avoided doing the thing that you planned to do. You put it off. You delay it. You procrastinate it!
Which, really, is a disservice to yourself. Some of you get so frustrated with patient no-shows, or last minute cancellations... yet you do the same thing to yourself...
Let's imagine a table for three with you, you, and you. You as you currently are - in this moment and on this day, you from a point in the past, and you in the future.
You must honor your past self’s efforts, be an active and productive current self, and provide the highest probability of success and growth to your future self.
Owning Your Leadership: You are only ever going to be you.
I want you to think about that. Think about how often and in what ways you limit yourself based on other people…
Adjust Your Posture Now!
Each day take steps to become more of the type of leader that you see yourself being in 5 years so that when 5 years have passed, and your 5 year older self has another goal - a further goal - that you’re at least part of the way there because you’ve been working toward it since now.
Practice being the more confident leader that you want to become - Right Now.
How Honoring Your Calendar Brings the Results You Want.
When you don’t schedule things in available blocks of time, the time gets filled with things. Good things, bad things, things you enjoy, things you don’t... the time passes one way or another and when it’s gone are you, more often than not, energized and impressed with how you spent it? Or did you fill your time cart with a bunch of junk that looked good in the moment... but offered little to put a dent in the health of your mind, body, soul, business, family…
Is your current practice of time management providing the results you truly desire?
How Planning and Spontaneity Impact Your Results
The primitive brain resist the option of planning. Because it’s work and the brain’s default is to gravitate toward ease - to avoid things that seem “laborious.” Not planning is easy.
What the primitive brain doesn’t provide you with is the reality check that while not planning may conserve effort and energy, it can cost you tons. Your lack of planning leads you to a whirlwind of things you have to do, scattered and disorganized.
I’d much rather choose to put the effort into pre-planning my week than hope I have the energy for the countless fire drills of unplanned events that I’m signing up for by not scheduling for things.
Planning brings freedom and lifts restrictions. Planning delivers meaningful results. The results that you want most.
How aware are you of your time? What does your time mean to you?
If you’re not intentional about how you use your time... you are electing to let it pass by you.
Deciding where and how you spend it is where you get to create and direct. Honor that! Value that! Use it to become more of who you want to become, use it to design your life to be the way you want it to be. It all starts with an awareness.
How to Create More Comfort. People are fascinating to me! Why we do the things we do, why we don’t do the things we don’t do, and how to make permanent changes to meet our desires…
And one of the strongest motivators that we have, as humans, is to seek comforts and pleasures. That’s a biological truth about the way our brains are designed.
There is power in increasing the number of ways you can be comfortable!
Scarcity Syndrome. Seriously consider where up til now you’ve been doing - or not doing - things that are… driven by an energy of scarcity. Driven by the false belief that there might not be enough, or you might not get some, or yours might run out… this could be in reference to patient referrals, case acceptance, profit, time… If this is a struggle of yours, you know how it feels and where it shows up in your life.
Why are you afraid of competition?
Why aren’t you sure of the value you bring to the dental community?
Why are you worrying about other doctors?
Look at where you’re at - decide where you want to go - and consider whether the obstacles in front of you could be incredible opportunities to grow and succeed rather than reasons that you will fail.
It’s one of the least pleasant places to spin and one of my favorite topics to coach on!
I think what I love about this animal of a topic is that it is totally solvable. A lot of ambitious people find themselves, at times, feeling overwhelmed. And once we solve for it, once we untangle the knots, your drive and ambition are free to fun ahead at full speed again.
So let’s get to it!
Gossip...it's happening in our homes, our practices, and our social circles. Most people agree that it isn't great. So why is gossip so enticing? What is the brain's draw to gossip and what is the solution to nixing it?
We make large investments in our time, talents, and other resources to learn to become more efficient. We strive to reach our optimal level of performance. Imagine the impact of never participating in or condoning gossip!
Push back and pull out gossip by the roots. As you begin weeding out the gossip from your garden, you will find you are better able to be present for all situations. You will master a higher level of connecting with others.
We spend so much time considering what other people might think of something we say, or how we do something. We worry about hurting other people’s feelings. We try to tailor the way we do things - we want to be who we are, as long as other people are okay with it.
Own your control over your mind. Allow others to have their own opinions.
Let people be wrong about you.
Often we struggle separating our own thoughts from hard true facts. This struggle can greatly diminish our ability to be at peace, to be contagiously positive, and to be constructive in our criticism.
Are the thoughts you’re choosing offering you the inner peace and energy that you want?
Do you like the way your thoughts feel?
How does thinking that - whatever “that” is - benefit you?
Take a closer look, because there are plenty of thoughts we all have that aren’t factual. They aren’t absolute. They are thoughts - opinions - perspectives and they are having an impact on you.
You get to work, walk into an operatory, and within moments of greeting your patient (who is prepped and ready for their procedure) you realize that - once again - things aren’t the way you’ve expressed they need to be…
We aren’t going to escape difficult people or situations. That isn’t the nature of life.
But we are always equipped - completely equipped - with incredibly powerful brains that can think about things in hundreds of different ways.
We can Choose in the Moment!
Perfectionism - Part 3 of 3. What about when things are perfect? What about when all has gone exactly according to plan? How about those times that you do your best work and couldn’t be more pleased with the end result…and then…
Perfectionism - Part 2 0f 3: You notice when something that isn’t how or what you’d prefer comes around. In those times how do you choose to notice your experience with that situation. Notice your thoughs. Notice the time and enegy you spend thinking about it. Notice if you have any emotional response. And then...Choose.
Perfectionism Part 1 of 3: How the striving for perfection may be unintentionally fueling negative outcomes in your life. Notice the amount of brain power you are spending on analyzing for imperfections. Our brains are still wired like that of our ancient ancestors who needed these perfectionism gifts, our brain provides, to survive in true life-or-death type living circumstances.
You take these amazing tools we have - Our Brains - which are already programmed to scan for problems and inefficiencies to survive and you couple it with a profession in dentistry where that same scanning mechanism needs to be activated on a near daily basis... and you find your brain likes this, it's good at this function.
Your honed skill of striving for perfection in your field - can tend to creep into areas of a doctors’s life where they aren’t useful. Through this 3 part series we will discuss the brain and perfectionism and just what we can control and better understand how striving for perfection is affecting our life.
If you want to be the best doctor you can be, if you want to be the best employer-associate-spouse-friend-parent-or neighbor you can be, you have to be really good to yourself.
Whatever you’re thinking, wherever you’re at, you have reasons for being there. You have reasons you think the way that you do.
Give yourself credit for how far you've gotten yourself up to this point and give yourself the honor and encouragement you'll need to propel to new, greater ways of living. This is going to be great and it is going to change your life!
Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.dentallife.coach