Classic Breakdown!

Well, look: I was in a comfy chair and that's perhaps why this episode is a little lacklustre.  There is literally nothing to recommend it.  Perhaps making Seward a bit more estuary is enjoyable for me, but makes little sense.  You can't really imagine the Westenras having him over to shoot or hunt, but who knows?  Lucy does sound like she plays the field a bit in terms of suitors - or did, at any rate before the big bite.

I afraid I got the stomach rumbles during this episode.  I've excised some of them with brutal imprecision.

It's a long book.  But we seem to be picking up a few more listeners - like a cart during the Black Death. Pushing up towards 3 figures now!  Let's hope we can smash that lofty barrier before the aliens invade good and proper.

Please leave whatever comments you see fit on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.  Every Little Yelps.

Greetings All.  We continue in our halting attempt to drag ourselves through Bram Stoker's classic work and we've got to the section where Lucy Westenra is getting a little bit anaemic. Who knows why? And Wilhelmina Murray berates herself for using a big safety pin near Lucy's neck. Safety pins can be dangerous!

So, we press on!  And as Spring ushers itself in we hope to do another episode before the first daffodils are up.

We're  on the high seas on board the ill omened Demeter.  There are some funny boxes below decks with some rather innocent contents (according to Turkish Customs) and lots of disappearances at night.  The crew is made up of Russians and Roumanians.

The Captain has lashed himself to Tenille and there's something a bit rum about the rum. 

Recorded with the Rode NT-USB Mini and then some poorly executed mastering.

Please leave a note - like the Captain.

Well, Happy New Year 2023!  Apparently and this is according to the stats, (so we're all fully on board with their likely veracity, aren't we?), I am now followed by a dozen regular listeners.  Fair dinkum.  I didn't get into this podcast game for popularity: I was only ever motivated by narcissism.  However, we push on because of reasons.  I don't like to quit halfway through a project - and that includes life - and I know that will disappoint many Canadian 'liberals' out there.

Dracula is an interesting tale of gathering darkness and has some resonances today. If you haven't observed this phenomenon you probably work for the government or sell and distribute weapons of mass destruction (a wide variety is available).

Chapter 7 recounts the slightly dramatic arrival of the Demeter at Whitby Harbour and the successful keto diet undertaken by the crew.  There's a big dog too.

This travesty was recorded using a Rode USB Mini microphone in the middle of a room.  Then some declick and Thomas Mundt Loudness.

Perhaps Mina is the one who is the stranger at the Westenras and is waiting for news from Jonathan Harker?  Her chum Lucy is sleep-walking again which is probably not the best problem to have at this time.  She bumps into the tedious old bloke up at the Abbey once again and chats about this and that, especially the morbid humour of said bloke.  He apologises - almost.  Out at sea there's a storm brewing and the coastguard chap who turns up opportunely has spotted a Russian ship bobbing up and down like nobody's business. Who's at the tiller?

Nice steak!

Back again with a bit more about Renfield.  It's approaching tea time here at Wagland Towers so my mind is elsewhere. Can you tell?

Renfield too has got his mind on his unconventional dinner. That big juicy bluebottle especially.

A bit more of Dracula.  But to what end. There was an ancient series of books at school, primary school, called Reading to Some Purpose. This is something different.

It's Mina's journal and she's on holiday in Whitby with the Westenras enjoying the view from up the Abbey, with a saveloy and a bag of scraps. She's chatting to a centenarian about the gravestones and foreshadowing some gothic terrors ahead.

Hope you enjoy.  It's like picking up with an old friend and trying to recapture something that's lost.

I'm sure you'll agree, it ain't happening.

Cheers, Greg.

And for those who arrived like refugees from YouTube thanks for making the trek over but the management is sorry to inform you that there are no refunds. Not now, not ever.

Meanwhile sit back and enjoy...

It's all an outrageous and satanic scam, isn't it? Built on fear and coercion. But let's get back to Dracula...

'This man should know better.  He sounds well advanced in age and yet he appears to be making a monkey, not only of himself, but of his audience to boot.' Evadne McKinch, Abertay Services.

Just one of several flattering comments from listeners around the world.

Chapter 4 from Dracula, with diversions.

Dedicated to St Anthony of Fauci.

Never record when you're not in the mood.  Say after me...

Well, it's true.  It's not terrible but nor is it good.  It's the one about those 'less than hot' birds at the Big D's gaff.

Stay crazy!

It's the Children of the Night one.  Once again, apologies to Romanian gymnastic coaches...

A Beyerdynamic M201 is not just for Christmas.  Nor is the RodeCASTER Pro.

More root canal Monday - can you tell?

Welcome listener to 2021.  Scream if you want to get off!  Or perhaps you'd rather wait for the anaphylactic shock and/or govt. compo!

And with a raging toothache I bring you yet another unasked for chapter from a classic public domain work.  This time it's Dracula by Bram Stoker with the occasional lugubrious dull-witted addition from yours truly...

What 2 works (Dracula and 1984) better sum up the zeitgeist or rather what 2 works of literature do the behavioural psychologists reach for as they attempt to conjure their next outrageous and hysterical mitigation policy, with half an eye to the cultural 'fear porn' switches they can flip on their experimental guinea-pigs.

It won't be much fun, this mass unhitching from the Age of Reason, but we're not quite at the point where we need to lob ourselves into the volcano.

2021.  Do not go gentle.  At least we've still got professional sports!

The dystopian novel for our times.  Nothing much to laugh at here.

Now in the public domain across the world - except in the U.S.

A quick New Year's Day recording.

Been a while.  Not really enjoying The Fall of the House of Usher, but I guess I'll drag my way to the end of it.  As the world holds its breath re: current affairs over the Pond, we find that Madeline Usher is less than well and could perhaps do with a manicure.  

There are Shubunkins, rogue software, Quavers and other walk-ons.  

And if you wish to comment or hurl abuse please do so at Twitter account @ClassicBreakdo1

Well.  Hello again.

Taken a little while to decide what classic to read next - so this is a short diversion into Edgar Allan Poe land.  Not sure his lugubrious diversions entirely suit my lugubrious diversions - possibly too many lugubrious diversions in one hour.

Anyway.  See what you think!

Cheers.  Enjoy living!

Hi listener - it's been rollercoaster hasn't it?  Well, a rollercoaster in the dystopian present in which we all live: it's not working and overgrown with moss and there, in the distance, emerging from the sand like a Colossus is the lichen covered Statue of Liberty and Big Ben, er, tower (pedants).

Luckily we still have Netflix and Popcorn Chicken.  And this square perspex helmet is actually getting more comfortable I think - that's my strong conviction anyway.

That's the end of The Lost World.

It's been fun and funner, with a few dark moments.  But overall, the experience was passable bordering on life affirming at a few very occasional points.

Thanks for listening.

Be of good cheer and dig your own garden, as Voltaire possibly said.  Is there a play in 'Voltaire in Saltaire' - perhaps it's been done.

Remember, our presence on YouTube will be coming to an end.  Please get with the podcast craze, Daddy-O!  Nurse, the screens!!!!!!!!!!!

The lesson here is: don't feel pressured to record a chapter when you're simply not in da mood.  That way madness and badness lies.

However, someone may find something of value here - others will merely recoil at my rather grumpy approach to the text and the day.

Manufacturers of Clipper tea may of course see their way clear to sending me a complimentary tea bag for my praise of their fine product - not holding my breath.

Thanks for your comments and kindnesses.

Well, those apemen are annoyed, as are the cave guys.  I don't see it ending well.  It might involve The Old Bamboo.

The end is nigh and we will push on until we get there.

Thanks for listening!

G

Gloomy day, and those apemen and small red tribesmen aren't helping.  Still, Zambo's still okay.

There's a lot of Lord Roxton.  Ugh!

Good luck, you're going to need it.

Don't leave the camp in the middle of the night.  Just a thought.

It's quite rainy, but I struggle on.

Not quite on my top game today, but no one ever said this was a project about quality - least of all me.

My speculation about Gladys and Zambo and the Lord Chancellor is not, perhaps, comedy gold but it made me laugh.

Thanks for listening...

Mostly about pterodactyls and how horrid they are, plus a bit on Walnut Whips and the loss of my Rover 75.

The spoor, the spoor - and the ubiquity of the monoplane in Edwardian lit., plus the Sudanese thorn-bush surrounded encampment.

That's about it, folks!

The pace is picking up.

Not mine though. Bad luck!

Not only the text...

Have they even got to South America yet?

Not at this rate.

With digressions.

With interjections.

With added vitamins.

With digressions.

With digressions, hiccoughs, moments of great unprofessionalism.

Welcome to Classic Breakdown!

Coming soon...  

A new classic work with digressions, from an easily distracted narrator.