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Complex Trauma Recovery; We Are Traumatized Motherfuckers

Complex Trauma Recovery; We Are Traumatized Motherfuckers

By C-PTSD Childhood Trauma
The evolutionary biology, neuroscience, and dissociative theory behind C-PTSD... plus experiential snark. Childhood abuse and neglect are societally-secret life cripplers. Getting a grip on your survival defenses and inflammatory body stand in the way of "actually" living. But you can do it with the right information, mindset, and fellow Fuckers' support. You aren’t doomed, damaged, or broken. You aren't alone. But you might be a Traumatized Motherfxcker.

Join the community at www.t-mfrs.com. Help support the one man team @ PayPal, Patreon, or anchor.fm/complextrauma/support
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Eviction Notice | The End of Complex Trauma Recovery; We are Traumatized Motherfuckers
Time for our big talk. After a year of effort... it's time to end of this open-door trauma rehab house. We need to have a hard conversation about the final days of TMFRs as you know it. But, if you want, we can still be Fucked up Friends. www.patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers 
01:04:44
May 13, 2021
Fuck Off Boomers
Why do so many of our parents have the same unfortunate covert abuse tactics in their front pocket? Why did we grow up with an unhealthy narrative about self-worth and self-accountability? Where did all this narcissistic energy come from, originally? Well, I was going to do a deep dive into the Silent and Boomer generations to let you know, but after the springtime personality disorder uprisings have tried my last nerve... let's reapproach this episode from a less enabling perspective. One that doesn't contribute to the abuse echo chamber they've popularized in the world they (very practically) ruined. Fuck Off Boomers.  Remember, be sure to tune in on Thursday for big news. You'll want to be here. 
45:34
May 10, 2021
Bite Sized | Parent Narcissists and CPTSD
Last time we learned about a new type of Narc; the "Covert" variety... who sound an awful lot like our mothers, collectively. So what happens if you WERE raised by a Narcissist mom, in particular? What are the common characteristics of the relationship? What are the common childhood templates under Narcissistic Abuse? What happens to kids - specifically daughters - in the long run? And how do you deal with someone who doesn't want to treat you differently? Have a CovNarc parent of your own? Hit me up at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com or t-mfrs.com anytime. Share your story; written or recorded, I'd love to put it on the show.
14:33
May 3, 2021
Parent Narcissists and CPTSD
Last time we learned about a new type of Narc; the "Covert" variety... who sound an awful lot like our mothers, collectively. So what happens if you WERE raised by a Narcissist mom, in particular? What are the common characteristics of the relationship? What are the common childhood templates under Narcissistic Abuse? What happens to kids - specifically daughters - in the long run? And how do you deal with someone who doesn't want to treat you differently?  Have a CovNarc parent of your own? Hit me up at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com or t-mfrs.com anytime. Share your story; written or recorded, I'd love to put it on the show. 
57:36
May 3, 2021
Bite Sized | Defining Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissists
Quick takes from the full episode, ready to consume in one sitting.  Have you been convinced that everything about you was "wrong?" Does someone in your life make you feel... "off," in a way that's anxious, fearful, defeated, and self-doubting? Ever see that the person "helping" actually seemed to make the situation a lot worse? And then... do they bring it up for the next 20 years or so as proof of their merit? Ah, yeah. So life comes to a head, thanks to some deep dives into Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist research. How about you? Today, we're talking about the characteristics of a Covert Narc and the symptoms that may present in YOU, in the aftermath. Dealing with a CovNarc situation of your own? Tell me about it and help me with my crowdsourced episode goal. Hit me up anytime at t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com.
09:35
April 26, 2021
Defining Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissists
Have you been convinced that everything about you was "wrong?" Does someone in your life make you feel "off," in a way that's anxious, fearful, defeated, and self-doubting? Ever see that the person "helping" actually seemed to make the situation a lot worse? And then... do they bring it up for the next 20 years or so as proof of their merit?  Ah, yeah. So my recent realization comes to a head, thanks to some deep dives into Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist research. How about you? Today, we're talking about the characteristics of a Covert Narc and the symptoms that may present in YOU, in the aftermath.  Dealing with a CovNarc situation of your own? Tell me about it and help with the mf crowdsourced episode goal. Hit me up anytime at t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com.
01:20:18
April 26, 2021
Bite Sized | Stigmatizing Covert Abuse
Back with a quick, consumable rundown of the full episode on Abuse Stigma. For the complete recording... uh... click again.  You've probably realized, abuse is a dirty topic not to happily discussed in the public sphere. Victims are blamed. Cases are dismissed. And perpetrators are enabled. But what's the point of our ignorance towards domestic abuse? Is there a reason why we tend to limit the scope of "abuse," blame-shift, and willfully forget? And how does abuser stigma actually perpetuate the thing we hate? We've all said it. We've all thought it. We've all... been cognitively dissonant about it.  "But they seem like such a nice guy/gal." Beware the nice guy. Even if that includes YOURSELF.
14:21
April 20, 2021
Stigmatizing Covert Abuse [AKA Beware the Nice Guy]
You've probably realized, abuse is a dirty topic not to happily discussed in the public sphere. Victims are blamed. Cases are dismissed. And perpetrators are enabled. But what's the point of our ignorance towards domestic abuse? Is there a reason why we tend to limit the scope of "abuse," blame-shift, and willfully forget? And how does abuser stigma actually perpetuate the thing we hate? We've all said it. We've all thought it. We've all... been cognitively dissonant about it.  "But they seem like such a nice guy/gal." Beware the nice guy. Even if that includes YOURSELF. 
01:06:18
April 20, 2021
Guest | Monica, on Acknowledging and Overcoming Parental Abuse
Taking advantage of an amazing MF who shared her story with me last week. Today, Monica proves her Motherfuckerdom by sharing her tales of growing up with two unhealthy parents, what she's learned since separating herself, and moving forward in her (is this called "happy?") life.   Thank you Monica for being so ballsy and putting yourself out there. You help validate MFs everywhere - self included - with your experience. Reach out anytime with your tale @ traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com and stop spreading silence. 
50:52
April 15, 2021
Coping Strategies for Covert Abuse and Black Sheep Syndrome
So that last episode was an unexpected doozy, huh? (Still mortified.) Well, I'm back in Illinois and ready to clear the air with some actual LESSONS from this mess. In the past two weeks, here's where I've been, what I've realized, and what my therapist (and a helpful listener) has recommended for continuing to live under the same roof as an emotional abuser.  Talkin' bout practical ways to distance yourself from abuse... when you can't literally distance yourself. Namely, learn to see yourself as "the adult" and not to give a fuck about these screaming children. In the best way possible.  Care to help me pay for therapy? Check out the donation options at www.t-mfrs.com - PayPal, Patreon, Ko-Fi and beyond. Care to share your own covert abuse story? Hit me up at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com 
48:02
April 13, 2021
[TW] Personal | Covert Abuse and the Utility of Self-Harm
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, suicidal ideation, and self-harm.  Childhood abuse can come with a lot of overt violence and aggression... or it might be more subtle than that. Years after tackling the obvious trauma, it might be a bit crisis inducing to realize your "safe" parent was the one who affected you the most, all along. Plus, seeing the ways self-harm is born from 'escaping' the parent who belittles your existence, not the one who wanted to erase it.  Or so I've realized in the past few weeks.  What's it like researching and writing about complex trauma from the unsafety of your childhood home? Ha Ha Ha. Turns out, you might learn some new, life-perspective destroying things. And then get to deal with them in real time as they chase you around the house.  Final disclaimer: This is not a cry for help - just an honest take on living with emotional abuse with language and insight not before available. Don’t make this more embarrassing for me.
01:15:24
April 8, 2021
Neuroscience of Changing Core Beliefs and Behaviors
It's the Ask Me Anything results from March - talking about the specifics of changing your trauma-born core beliefs and behaviors with a neuroscience background approach. Understand what you're trying to accomplish, reach your goal more efficiently. Here's how our neural networks are causing so many problems and how to use our trauma physiology (right brain, left brain problems) for good.  Wondering about those ABA worksheets? Check the Patreon to get your hands on them. www.patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
01:02:19
March 31, 2021
Bite Sized | Fragmented Relationships
My episodes are prolific and many of us have trauma-born ADHD. So... what if there was a convenient "wrap up" to get the MF point already? Here it is.  Need more help absorbing information? Check the YouTube channel for the video version AND get ready for the animated short, coming at you soon. Why not take this to level 11.  Cheers, Fuckers.  - Jess 
12:49
March 24, 2021
Fragmented Relationships
Expanding on fragmented personality via lessons from Janina Fisher and John Welwood (TMFR recommended authors). One of the ways we make sense of early trauma is black and white, "good or bad," thinking. Our abusers are good OR bad, but nothing in between. Unfortunately, we have the same corresponding judgements of ourselves in that moment..... and, then, everyone we meet down the road. How does "good vs bad" patterning lead to personality fragmentation, relationship terror, and disordered attachment? How can this perspective be used for healing? Help me reach my goal of putting out more episodes per month! Check the progress at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
01:01:13
March 24, 2021
Fragmented Personality; Intro to Dissociative Identity Disorder
"Who am I and why am I like this?" Dipping a toe into dissociative personalities. What are the proposed mechanisms that lead to a "fragmented self?" Talking about losing ourselves to our trauma adaptations, survival systems, negative detail-obsession and obligations, on repeat. The fracture that takes place when your inherent personality has to be shattered into a million survival-happy pieces to get by.  Share your story at t-mfrs.com! Join the new Patreon-only support community {where I'll actually be able to keep up} at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
01:00:21
March 16, 2021
Guest | Cassie; on Achieving, Education, and Employment after Childhood Trauma
Last time, Cassie relayed her early experience with childhood sexual abuse and shame. Today, she's back! Talking about quiet defiance leveraged against religious and sexual trauma through educational and professional achievement, refusing to bend to social or gender norms, and doing everything her damn self.  One courageous Motherfuckers shares more about her life after Complex Trauma.  Want to be connective like Cassie? Hit me up at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to share your voice-recorded story. The only standing in your way is your own vulnerability fear. 
42:42
March 10, 2021
Core Beliefs
It's the February Ask Me Anything! How do you spot core beliefs, how do you change them, and how do you know when you've cleared the cache?  Time to talk about Fucked Up Core Beliefs and all the ways they shape our lives without our permission.  To submit your own AMA and potentially get a custom episode catered to your question, check patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and help keep the show alive. 
58:12
March 3, 2021
Friendship Dissolutions
Ever lose, you know, your best friends in a time of trauma responsiveness and spend years ruminating about it? Yeah, well here's what I can say about my recent return to the skwad. Reflecting on trauma-reactions without reason, how my emotional brain got things twisted, and why I'm reluctant to give up this lone wolf lifestyle, even if friends might be back on the table. 
01:07:40
February 24, 2021
Data-driven trauma management: Pt III (Experiments and Retrials)
Living with a semblance of personal understanding, continues! We've reached the final part of this Applied Behavior Analysis and trauma recovery crossover. You know the concepts, you know how to gather data... now it's time to run your self-experiments and see how your mental health is affected. We're talking about changing you behaviors, slowing your reactions to stimuli, and solidifying consequences to finally put an end to those shitty habits you hate. And... maybe finding out that your own mental landscape is the grounds for your "random" trauma responses along the way. Is this helpful? Holler at me. Find TMFRs on all the social media outlets - like, share, and spread the message to help more MFs just like you connect with the resources they need. 
47:10
February 23, 2021
Data-driven trauma management: Pt II (Distress Tracking)
Ready to stop calling yourself "crazy?" In Part I we learned a bit about Applied Behavior Analysis and the application to Trauma recovery. Today, we're using that information to collect data about ourselves, and beginning to form hypotheses about our old trauma brained tricks using Antecedents, Behaviors, and Consequences. It's the "Gathering Background Data" portion of this experiment. Buckle up, we're tracking your distress levels and looking for trends in your living patterns with ABC analyses.  Does this show help you? Could you help me? Visit t-mfrs.com to join the Patreon, Ko-Fi, or Paypal donors who think this project matters! While you're there, apply to the Discord community, check the Socials, and buy some Merch, whydontcha?
44:04
February 19, 2021
Data-driven trauma recovery: Pt I (ABA fundamentals)
It's time. Time to talk about Applied Behavior Analysis and trauma management. Because if you don't know why your body and brain respond to unknown stimuli in your inner and outer environments, it's pretty difficult to make a life you feel good about living. And we are master dissociators with trauma-brained programming that we've never been calm enough to understand. Here's how to change that.  Looking for more help? Check t-mfrs.com to apply for the private community or read blog transcripts of episodes. Help keep this trauma education project alive, get TMFR merch, and access AMAs at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
36:31
February 17, 2021
CPTSD Relationship Patterns
News: when it comes to relationships, I'm dumb! Or, still trying to fill the void left by my early experiences - one or the other. Here's a look at SOME of the ways I've made massive relationship mistakes in my past - from getting drunk on connection to rolling my emotional world into codependency to learned helplessness. Plus, so many musicians.  Equally confused about how healthy relationships work? Maybe you're a Motherfucker. Join the discord community at t-mfrs.com/join. Help me... not give up on this in an inner critic spiral? Visit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to help a Fucker out.
01:08:42
February 11, 2021
Stress-illnesses and the F Word. Fibromyalgia.
Exhaustion, unexplained pain, weakness, digestive failures, tension migraines, temperature sensitivity, insomnia, insulin resistance, nausea, cold and flu symptoms... Fibromyalgia. Have you ever looked into all the stress-based ailments that Fibro (FM) encompasses? Yeah, I hadn't either. Today, we're talking about Fibromyalgia and all the ways that society hates psychosomatic illness. Plus, IS FM separable from C-PTSD? Hm. Hoping to learn more about your Complex Trauma? Help keep this thing chugging along by visiting t-mfrs.com and donating to the Patreon, Ko-Fi, Paypal, or Merch store. Every penny decreases this MF's stress responses.
01:35:19
February 1, 2021
Guest: Cassie, on sexual abuse and overcoming shame
TW: Sexual abuse, incest, and substance abuse.  I've always invited TMFRs to radio in with their own accounts of living this trauma life... but faith in ourselves and our voices is lacking. Today, one MF finally steps up to the plate. Meet Cassie, a brilliant and ambitious PhD student who's ready to share her complex trauma experience in her own voice. Thank you again to this brave soul, who took the plunge and provided such a raw account of her life after a childhood of abuse. Listen up. Ready to speak your own story? Head to t-mfrs.com or email me at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to get in touch. Write or record your tale to reach Fuckers who need to hear what you have to say. 
42:16
January 25, 2021
Moving for Mental Health
The past 3 years of life have been determined by applying behavior analysis to my traumatized life and making big, frightening moves. Annnd it's time for another one - moving out of Atlanta and into my (gulp) midwestern mom's house. Talking about scarcity trauma, PTSD-based cohabitating challenges, and the ways my shitty past skews appraisal of the future.... plus, overcoming the challenges of doubting my decisions and living with my triggering mother, so that change is possible. Let's get midrestless.  Have something to say? Reach out at t-mfrs.com and apply to be part of the private discord community! Looking for more trauma resources? Help me grow this betch - donate through the podcast bio, Patreon, Paypal, Ko-Fi, or Amazon wish list to help this MF get more work done. 
01:02:00
January 21, 2021
Traumatized by Therapy
"It's not helping as much as it's hurting. So... do I really need to do this?" Talking about the ways therapy helps and harms, plus, why it's so goddamn hard to find a trauma-informed mental health professional.  Looking for more support resources? Check out t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com. 
57:10
January 18, 2021
How to "recover" from C-PTSD
You asked. I'll share what I can. But realize: 1) whatdoIknow and 2) I use the term "recovery" lightly. Here are the steps that help a trauma life rebuild. Looking for more "recovery" help? Check out t-mfrs.com for blogs, resources, and the private support community application. Want to help keep this trauma project afloat? Check patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers or the support link in the podcast bio to help this Fucker out. 
01:11:11
January 11, 2021
What IS C-PTSD; Redux
We're doing it again! But this time... I'm not just anxiety-talking into space. 
01:29:34
January 4, 2021
Trailer | Welcome to season four
Is this just getting ridiculous now? Ha, ha, ha, yeah. It's the era of "starting to understand what I'm doing."  "....Hopefully." Want to keep this project projecting into infinite new seasons? Hit up t-mfrs.com or patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to help support MFs around the world. 
04:42
January 4, 2021
2020 Wrapup
It's the end of the year, Fuckers. I'm looking at the changes coming for TMFRs in 2021 - surprise, new community coming at you hot - and where we've been already.
02:52:02
December 31, 2020
Healing Trauma-Brain for 2021
Information is hard for a traumatized brain to process. We tend to carry unintegrated bits of data, which make living a directed life unmanageable.  So start the new year on a better foot. Lay 2020 to rest with a few analytical activities to better recognize where you've been and who you want to be. You might feel avoidant of the change-oriented reflections - but, uh, isn't that how you got here in the first place? Yikes.
56:43
December 28, 2020
Merry Fucking Christmas
It's that time. Joy to the world? MF right. Have some quick reminders about how to handle the holidays. Plus, the free TMFR tee winner is revealed! 
16:30
December 24, 2020
So you're having a shit day out of nowhere
What else needs to be said? Even after years of trauma progress, backslides happen. Mental illness pops up when you least expect it. Dark, depressing day and anxious, angry afternoons. And your response? To berate the hell out of yourself? Right. Today, we're talking about the recovery PTSD management pitfalls that WILL happen, why, and how to deal.  Consider helping me out with social media shares, podcast reviews, and patreon support? Search the socials for traumatized motherfuckers and help me keep this lone C-PTSD researcher alive at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Every penny counts. 
47:09
December 16, 2020
Brain basis of Rumination, Depression, and PTSD
Ever get stuck endlessly cycling through unwanted thoughts? Wonder where rumination ends and your trauma begins? Today, I'm talking about the overlap between ruminatory thought patterns, depression, and PTSD. The research says: they share a similar brain malfunction. I say: there's one underlying thought current in all my past and present rumination. Maybe recognizing it will help you, too. Want to help a Fucker out? Check out patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to keep this podcast alive. Looking for more TMFRs? Head over to t-mfrs.com and search it on all the socials!
48:48
December 14, 2020
Anxiety, music, and DIY-living with Brett Newski
Where were you in 2013? Among other things, I was at a house show where I ran into a travelling DIY musician, Brett Newski. Today, I'm reconnecting with the anxiety-inspired songwriter as we talk about bullying, COVID coping, and mental illness catharsis. Hey, even folks with social anxiety can learn to connect with strangers around the globe. Forgive the technical difficulties on this one - you know I'm running on cheapo-quipment.  Wanna watch the Midwestern shitshow? It's on YouTube - just head to the Traumatized Motherfucker channel! Looking for more traumatized talk? Head to t-mfrs.com, hit up all the socials (please, someone, like me), and check the Patreon for bonus content! 
55:41
December 9, 2020
Personality changes on Anxiety vs. Depression
Ever feel like you're about 3 humans rolled into one? Maybe anxiety and depression are to blame, more than your fears of multiple personality disorder is on-point. Today, I'm talking about the vastly different influences of the high and low energy states in my life... and the life-abandoning stagnation that happens when those fuckers collide.  Into the message? Find more Traumatized Motherfucker media on instagram, facebook, youtube, and beyond! Check t-mfrs.com for contact forms or to apply to the private Discord channel. Help support the Complex effort managed by a simple MF by joining patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
29:37
December 7, 2020
Memory Processing and Involuntary Recollections
Back to the science! Ever feel like an amnesiac disaster when you can't seem to remember a single thing... or, at least, not a single thing that you want to remember? Wonder why your brain seems to have an extra long "buffering" time with new information? Guess what, there's research on that. Today, we're talking about memory processing, retrieval, and unwanted recollections.  Looking to sign up for the free tee drawing? Head to t-mfrs.com/contest to enter! Want to help keep this thing chugging? Yes, PLEASE. Check out the Patreon and PayPal options at t-mfrs.com or patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Plus, feel free to Patreon your way into the currently-closed Discord community by greasing my palm - because right now I'm not morally averse to bribes. 
35:31
December 2, 2020
Death of an Abusive Parent
We're all going to deal with it - the death of our parents. What's it like when the lost parent was the source of your early life trauma? A confusing conglomerate of sadness, anger, enlightenment, and regret? Oh yeah, that's the start of it. Let's throw in some black sheep family dynamics, inner critic rumblings, and fear of your similarly traumatized future. Today, we're talking generational trauma and complicated remorse. Reckoning with loss or family estrangement, yourself? Let me know about it at t-mfrs.com. Want to help keep this trauma project alive? Check out patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers or contribute through the sponsorship link in the podcast bio. It's a massive help.
56:30
November 30, 2020
Thanksgiving Spanksgiving
I hate this holiday, anyone else? Just a quick shoutout to all the black sheep gearing up for some sort of disappointment, alienation, or conflict on this day of gratitude. You’re not the only one.
07:14
November 26, 2020
Unsent Letters | "Dear dad"
Buckle up... it's an emotional one. Finally following through on a therapy homework assignment I neglected for 2 years; writing a letter to my motherfucking dad. If you're not ready for tears (mine), keep moving.  Consider this my first unsent letter.  Does this strike a chord? Looking for an outlet for your own unsent letter? Fucking hit me up - can't be more embarrassing than crying on a public podcast! Find me at t-mfrs.com (traumatizedmotherfuckers.com) and git in touch. 
21:11
November 18, 2020
How to deal with Emotions
Having emotions, processing them, and letting them go has been a relatively new set of skills in my life. Allowing myself to feel has been nothing short of critical to my CPTSD recovery journey. Even though it seems like the worst thing you can possibly do, you must learn to deal with how you feel to live a functional, organized life with a functional, organized brain. Here are my 100% non-professional tips.  Hit the mark or miss it entirely? Let me know at t-mfrs.com. I love hearing from you! Hit up the Discord community, subscribe to the blog, and share TMFRs wherever you social media.
01:00:22
November 16, 2020
Evil step-moms, narc abuse, and ABA recovery with HotMessGuru
The TMFR Discord community is full of smart, recovery-minded Fuckers. One of the sunniest personalities is HotMessGuru, a single mom with a new leash on life since starting her CPTSD recover ~2 years ago. Listen to her early struggles, narcissistic partner drama, and how she turned the whole thing around.  Wanna jump into the community? Get in now, while there's room on the ship. Check t-mfrs.com to apply. Just happy to have some CPTSD support? I could use a hand too - hit up the TMFR patreon at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
01:26:13
November 11, 2020
Emotions, Attention, and Cognition
More bad news for all the dissociators out there. Turns out that our ability to pay attention and think about feelings is a whole other game from just letting ourselves have them.  Where does cognition interact with emotion? How do both influence our behaviors? Why aren't we equipped to deal with any of this emotional processing or - hell - acknowledgement? The answers lie in our socialization. Looking for transcripts to keep up with these dense episodes? Check out t-mfrs.com for blog post versions, contact forms, the Discord community application, and more! Wanna keep this project possible? Head over to patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to help me stay afloat.
59:04
November 9, 2020
Tales from Early Recovery
Did you know that I used to be 1) terrified of driving 2) terrified of humans and 3) terrified of leaving the house? Yep, for a few years this MF was fully-agoraphobic.  Today, I'm revisiting an old post from 2019 where I talked about how much my life has changed in 1.5 years of Trauma Recovery I had at that point - mainly, as it related to driving avoidance, controlling relationships, self-isolation, and anxiety-management. How'd the life-halting fears start? What made them worse? How'd I get over my stagnating anxieties? Lez revisit an old account. Looking for folks who understand your dysfunctional daily life? Check out the Discord community application at t-mfrs.com/join. Want more from your OG MF Jess? Hell yeah, hit up this Patreon @ patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. 
31:10
November 4, 2020
Evolutionary Basis of Emotions
Hey, quick question... What are emotions? Not "where do they come from in the brain." We're all tired of the limbic system at this point. I mean, what are they and why do we have them?  Today, I'm talking about the evolutionary derivation of emotions. Why you feel the way you feel. How emotions are meant to motivate us for survival. And what the fuck happens when our personal histories override the experiences of our monkey-ancestors. Cuz, uh, I never stopped and thought about it until Skinner made me. Into the message? Help this thing keep moving at www.patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Looking for safe social security for survival? Check out t-mfrs.com/join to apply for the online Discord community (heads up, it's closing soon). 
57:31
November 2, 2020
Self-Sabotage and Dissociation
Ever swear that you aren't going to engage in a certain behavior again? Ever get stressed out, dissociate, and leave your meat husk for a while? Ever suddenly come back into your bod and brutally realize that... you just did the thing you swore you would not? "MF me."  Why does that happen? Today, I'm taking an evolutionary physiology guess, provoked by my own inexplicable anti-self misbehavior. Looking at our double-brained approach to life and the ways it undermines our best intentions. Want some alternate activities to fucking yourself over? Follow @traumatized.motherfuckers and @archiewheeliepup on all the socials. Peruse patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to help reduce my peanut butter stress eating. And jump over to t-mfrs.com to subscribe to the blog & newsletter, join the community, or rap at Jess. 
27:11
October 30, 2020
Ask Me Anything
Holler, look who isn't spewing out 50 minutes of research and writing today! Instead, I'm addressing the AMA questions from the TMFR Patreon and sharing the answers with everyone. What's my number one recovery tool, why did this project get started, and beyond! Want to submit a question of your own? Check out patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to become a part of the monthly AMA. Head over to t-mfrs.com to find the full flurry of all my CPTSD work, join the Discord community, and get in touch.
30:49
October 28, 2020
CPTSD: A Broken Animal Metaphor
Born "different." Overcoming challenges that "normal" species members don't even notice. Constantly falling on his face. Flailing. Sometimes, freezing up with overstimulation. But always getting up and trying again. Today, I'm talking about my wheeliepup Archie... As a metaphor. How does one wobbly dog exemplify the struggles of Complex Trauma? Or am I finally losing it as we stumble around the yard every day?  Have a lot in common with Archie? Join the TMFR discord community at t-mfrs.com/join and check out the new Patreon page at www.patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to help me support this effort (the podcast and Archie, alike). Oh, and follow Archie's shit-eating progress yourself @archiewheeliepup on the socials.  
48:29
October 26, 2020
Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse
In the last episode we talked about what defines a narcissist. Today, we're exploring the addictive highs and lows of the narcissistic cycle of abuse and why C-PTSD sufferers are so easily drawn into the trap. Abusive histories, codependent tendencies, and intermittent reinforcement, abound. Want to help this Trauma project sustain itself? Yo, I'm motherfucking TIRED. Check out the new TMFRs Patreon at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers 
58:31
October 23, 2020
Narcissists, Defined.
Who's bad at relationships? Yeeeah, me too. In particular, I hear a lot of us wonder about one personality disorder that underlies all the relationship drama… What’s up with the narcissists that seem to seek and destroy us, anyways?  What exactly IS a narcissist? And hey, how about some fun insights from my past reckoning. Next time, we'll talk about the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle and how that plays so nicely with CPTSD. For more info, check out t-mfrs.com! Join the community, shout at Jess, or subscribe to the blog. Buy some merch while you're at it. Help me support this bitch through the new Patreon, please. I'm MF tired. https://www.patreon.com/TraumatizedMotherfuckers
57:15
October 19, 2020
A Workaholic Experiment in Applied Behavior Analysis
Hey, it's that time again. Taking a solid look at that life I've been creating via anxiety and workaholic tendencies.... and ABA-challenging myself to experiment with redirecting this messy MO towards more functional behaviors.  Don't worry, this "hiatus" won't affect you - I'm too far ahead in my work for it to influence consistent podcast releases. ("lol") Find anything I say helpful? I could use some support, too. If you find it worthwhile, check the new Patreon and gift me the time to create more content. patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
19:46
October 16, 2020
Imposter Syndrome: Intro to Season Three
Ever get that voice in your head whispering sour nothings about your shortcomings and the false perceptions of others? Hey, me too. Annnd that's especially true when I try to meld this CPTSD support project with my actual schooling in ABA.  This week, I'm talking Applied Behavior Analysis... and we're kicking off "Season Three" with a quick look at the ways I still feel like a clueless, exhausted imposter.  You know the struggle. If you're a real MF, jump into the Discord community, check some art, and subscribe to the blog at t-mfrs.com! To help keep TMFRs afloat, please check out the all-new Patreon at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. 
16:02
October 12, 2020
Over-stimulation, Hypersensitivity, and Trauma
Ever feel like you're just TOO observative and sensitive? Like your surroundings have an irrationally large effect on your concentration, mood, and emotions? Like you're strangely stimulated from the inside more often than not? Good news, it's not just you - it's Trauma.  Dig the Complex Trauma support project? Well, shit, this MF needs support too. If this trauma podcast is helping you in any way, please consider throwing a few bucks at it - you'll help other Traumatized Fuckers get the words they need to feel less alone, and help me afford to eat.  
47:04
October 9, 2020
Are you a Highly Sensitive Person?
Today, we're talking about a new personality trait that I learned from the TMFR Discord community! Are you continually overloaded? Overwhelmed? Overstimulated? You might be an HSP - a High Sensitive Person. Find out if you're part of the 15-20% of the population affected by HSP and how this genetic predisposition to stimuli-flooding contributes to our Distress Intolerance and Emotional Responses.
23:50
October 5, 2020
Depression and C-PTSD
Where to begin this conversation? Depression is as inseparable from my life experience as breathing. So, today, I'm looking at the crossover between Complex Trauma and Depression. What are the hallmarks of C-PTSD that lend themselves to clinical depressive spells - and vice versa? How do the two progress and pervade each other? And... is there a way to escape? 
01:32:28
September 28, 2020
Conversation | Marie D'Elephant of Everyone's Autonomous
My first-ever Motherfucking interview! Today, I'm talking with Marie D'Elephant, host of the Everyone's Autonomous Podcast and personal Autonomy coach. This human RULES. Marie discusses her past religious trauma, deconversion, and learning how to accept herself for the first time. We also cover the idea of death-positivity, the autonomous effect of working for yourself, and combating relationship codependency!  For more from Marie, check out the Everyone's Autonomous Podcast, and Google her to learn more about her coaching, photography, and personal history! Find our Skype call on YouTube to see my creepy fawning eyes - Just search for Traumatized Motherfuckers. 
01:15:10
September 25, 2020
Axes of Trauma recovery
I'm not a scientist anymore, but some things haven't faded. Today, I'm laying out my hypothesis that there are three major areas of life that need to be positively changed and maintained for lasting Trauma brain recovery to happen. The massive, overarching elements that require exhaustive attention and brave behavior changes. What are those areas? How do they impact our mental health? What happens when one or two of the components are in place - good enough, right? (Nah.) 
55:52
September 21, 2020
Emotional Dissociation (AKA Numbing)
How are your emotions? Black and white, like everything else? 0 or 100? Big surprise, your trauma brain is just trying to keep you safe.  Today, I'm discussing some research on Emotional Dissociation as well as my own experience with the learned defense mechanism. The emotional "switch" that flips when things are overwhelming... and how it takes on a life of its own. 
30:11
September 14, 2020
Conversation | My MOM! Part 2
Part TWO of my conversation with my MOM. If you're not aware, she's the anxiety-motivated, broken animal loving, workaholic who has incrementally been a role model or emotionally-dismissive monster in my life, depending on the day. Things have always been hard between us, but these days, we're both on a healing journey with our familial Trauma. In this segment, we're talking about the connection between Trauma and over-responsibility, continued nightmares from our past, and lifting the veil on our hidden family history.
54:25
September 11, 2020
Prolonged Freeze States
Ever feel like you get "stuck" in a void? Like your brain goes blank and your tongue gets tied? Do you watch your life deteriorate while you're stuck in a parallel dimension? Hey, today I'm discussing Freeze States in Trauma survivors. I've got a research article for you, revealing the occurrence of "prolonged" Freeze States in rats under Complex Trauma Conditions. Plus, we're talking about the ways that this survival mechanism can become a long-term maladaptive response instead of a momentary defense.
23:44
September 7, 2020
Conversation | My MOM! Part 1
Part One. If you've been listening, you've heard about my neurotic, emotionally-averse Mom. I've been staying with her for the past 3 months and - for the first time in 20 years - we've been spending time together without tearing each others heads off. HOW? Yeah, Fuckers, I wonder, too. Some of our newfound relatability has to do with my Trauma recovery, which has bled into her own mental health discoveries. For the first time, we can talk about our family history and mutual struggles with anxiety. Today, I'm broadcasting a wine-fueled conversation with my mom about both.
45:15
September 5, 2020
Comfort in Chaos
Ever heard that generality, "Complex Trauma survivors culture chaos in their lives because it feels normal"? Fuck that, amiright? No way this constant shitshow is my fault. I do NOT want any of this entropy that follows me. Well, Fuckers, today I'm taking a look at the more subtle forms of chaos that have been ruling my life and relations for the past 3 months. Maaaaybe it's time to acknowledge that chaos does something to calm this brain.... even if I don't want it to be true. 
26:47
September 4, 2020
The Anxiety Chronicles 2019
Recently, there have been some challenging flashbacks and memories in my world. Anniversaries do that to me. One year ago there was a lot going on - from publishing an article in The Lily about life with debilitating anxiety... to finally being permitted to retrieve belongings from my ex's house... to his continued harassment and emotional abuse.  Today, I'm taking a look in the past; reading up on what happened in August 2019, my account of anxious living, and how (for once) I kept myself from devolving into complete madness in the chaos. 
27:04
September 2, 2020
Punk Rock Saved My Life
Punk Rock Saved My Life. Original assertion? Nope. #frankturner  Punk is the trauma genre, drawing misfits and unwanted outsiders together to create their own community. And they don't have time for yer basic shit.  Fact is, if I hadn't become a punk, I probably would have followed in my family footsteps. Without this community, lord knows I wouldn't have escaped my circumstances; abuse, addiction, poverty, and rural-shittery. Wanna check out the musics? Find the Spotify playlist! Search Traumatized Motherfuckers and follow the skulls. Wanna tell me I'm missing something? Get in touch at t-mfrs.com 
37:20
August 29, 2020
Distress Intolerance and Perseverant Thinking
Ever feel overwhelmed and shut-down for... well... kind of mundane reasons? Like you're about to explode if your phone doesn't stop pinging? You might kill your significant other if they don't let *that issue* go? You might break down if you get an email at 9pm?  When the agitation from over stimulation builds up, what happens next? Shutdown, avoidance, aggression? A quick turn towards maladaptive behaviors that lingers for days? Yeah, Fucker, today I'm talking about Distress Intolerance, inner critics, and avoidant coping responses. Is it real, and what can we do about it? OH, and a replay from the podcast, Anxious and Angry.... you know, just one of my favorite bands, talking about Traumatized Motherfuckers! WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK. So excited that I'm pushing this episode to the front of the line!
56:11
August 28, 2020
ACEs and Work Environments
Struggle with work environments triggering your trauma and disrupting your life? Wonder why coworkers drive you over the edge? Ever feel like you're just "not cut out" for a 9-5? Yeah, Fucker. You aren't alone. Of course, our ACEs contribute to difficult work relationships and poor life balance. When organizations encourage security hierarchies, poor boundaries, and social aggression... is it really any wonder that Traumatized Motherfuckers feel their mental health going by the wayside? 
26:40
August 26, 2020
Victim or Motherfucker? Has Trauma ever "helped?"
Unpopular opinion; early trauma gave me a lot of positive personality traits... you know, along with all the terrible ones.  Am I a basketcase sometimes? Sure. Am I also resilient, responsible, good at reading people, and ready for disaster? Yer motherfucking right. How do you feel? Is trauma a help or strictly a hindrance in your life? Get in touch, MF. Find us at traumatizedmotherfuckers.com or t-mfrs.com. Holler and raise hell. 
30:11
August 24, 2020
Deactivation; hot & cold relationships explained
Ever heard of Deactivation? I hadn't either. But it explains a lot about my do-or-die relationships and flighty nature.  A die-hard companion. A martyr for relationships. A friend until the end. (READ: A codependent mess) UNTIL I'M NOT. Here for you one day, freaked out and disappeared the next. Is this a shitty personality, or survival instincts gone wrong?  Time to research something new - Deactivation. Does this sound like you, too? You might belong in the TMFR Discord community. Head over to t-mfrs.com and apply to join! 
16:55
August 20, 2020
Shame and C-PTSD
If you google Complex Trauma you'll find many mentions of Shame. I get it, I think, but also... What the fuck IS shame, exactly? How is it different from guilt? How does it interplay with Trauma? Doing some "real research" and reporting back on the hidden experience of Shame. One of the most painful and pervasive emotions. Wanna give me a new topic to look at? Report it at t-mfrs.com and I'll see what I can find on PubMed.
36:37
August 16, 2020
Caring for everyone... but you.
I'm great at taking care of everyone... but myself. Always dissociated. Always slave-driving. Always worried about everyone else. Sound right? What is this "self-care?" How does one "have fun?" Lessons from a life constructed of workaholism and martyring tendencies. If you agree... Motherfucker, take a break and join the TMFR community. Find us at t-mfrs.com and support yourself for once.
19:41
August 13, 2020
Trauma and physical manifestions
So... things suddenly aren't going so well with your body? Weird shit is happening, acutely and chronically?  Sorry, Motherfucker. Welcome to the world of trauma manifestation in physical symptoms. Talking flashbacks, dissociation, and all the assorted ailments you can expect. Plus, my general advice based on what helped me quiet down these autoimmune diseases, digestive failures, acid reflux, FUPAs, migraines, and more. Take it or leave it. What did I miss? I'm sure there's a lot more. Let me know and tell me about your experience! Find me at t-mfrs.com 
38:49
August 10, 2020
Applied Behavior Analysis and Trauma Recovery
Guess who's going back to school? Mhmm, yer girl's getting her M.S. in ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) after years of putting off further formal education. What IS ABA, how has it helped in this ttrauma recovery journey, and how can it help other Motherfuckers? Wanna rap? Interested in trying out behavioral analysis for your mental health management? Get the fuck in touch! Find more at t-mfrs.com 
24:33
August 8, 2020
The masks we wear; Hiding mental illness
Sound quality warning! Get ready for some birds and bees. When you can't talk about your experiences and subsequent mental illness... you hide it. I spent my life trying to patch the holes with all sorts of disguise; fading into the background, embodying a subservient worker bee, coating my exhausted face with layers of paint. In hindsight, to pacify other people and fit into the "healthy herd."  Did it ever really work? Nah, motherfuckers. Nobody has ever called this walking war against self "healthy or happy-looking" until I actually got a grip on positive living. And that was like... right now.  Sorry for the nature-sounds; trying a new walk and talk format. Hope you enjoy ambient bird calls and bugs screaming. If you don't... shout it out. traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com 
39:52
August 8, 2020
Emotional roller coasters; The rise is relative to the fall
Anyone else have big emotions that shift faster than the wind? One moment I'm floating, the next I'm fucking sinking. External circumstances don't even have to wreck this ship; I have an explosive boiler room powering this ocean liner. With spiraling thoughts, fear-based perception, and a general ignorance of what "doing well" even means... it's hard to keep positive emotions stable or properly name your mental state. Everything is relative, and compared to others, I'm relatively-great at being miserable. You too? Sorry dude. Come hang at t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com if you want to find similar scales.
17:32
August 6, 2020
"I can't" | Too inferior to fail
Always waiting for something to change before you can? Convinced that the obstacle is too large - and uncomfortable - to start climbing? Yeah, me too. But rest assured, no one knows what the fuck they're doing. The inferiority fear and resistance is more than half the battle. Get moving and figure it out as you go, Motherfucker.  Find me at t-mfrs.com 
24:43
August 3, 2020
Was it really "Trauma?"
Or am I just dramatic? It's hard to know, when our culture has reduced "PTSD" to mean "Soldiers' disease." Oh, and your history-denying family? Yeah, they're not helping either. What is "Trauma," and how do you cope with the diagnosis? Feeling the Trauma-shaming shakeup? Hey, us too. Jump into the community or get in touch at www.t-mfrs.com
26:28
July 31, 2020
Complex obstacle; Starting therapy
What's harder than living in hell everyday? Finding someone who can help you get out.
28:35
July 28, 2020
“I’m doing fine,” and other human lies
Tired of painting on a happy face? We all are. For better or for worse, we have all been programmed to keep our heads down and project utter bliss, or at least sufficient satisfaction, to the entire planet. This only equips us with the universal expectation that everyone is actually fine, and we should be too.  If you're tired of being "fine," you know where to find other Fuckers. Join up at www.t-mfrs.com
20:56
July 25, 2020
Walkntalk | “All your fault,” shinner critic screams.
Shit inner critic, that is. Mine‘s been rearing his ugly fucking face in regards to personal relationships... Logical brain quietly disagrees.
20:57
July 24, 2020
Like remembering a fever nightmare
Looking back on those days of trauma-responses and utter misery... sometimes feels more like trying to remember a fever nightmare, rather than recalling the past. 
15:54
July 22, 2020
What IS Complex Trauma?
When we discuss this C-PTSD thing... what the fuck are we really talking about? What is it? How does it happen? What are the long lasting effects? What did I forget? Write to me at t-mfrs.com
37:55
July 22, 2020
Live | HIATUS; I am the project of a lifetime
Compulsive workaholic for the sake of escaping your own life? Holler - lifetime member of the Overdoing It club. All that self-neglect in the name of accomplishing? It makes me lose sight of my complex trauma recovery. This past month of June, I was deep in a work-tunnel, escaping from myself.  This Traumatized Motherfucker cast/blog/community is fun and fulfilling - but I forgot something critical - TMFRs isn't running the show; I'M the real project. You know I have plenty to work on without any screens in front of my face; building a life and growing into a better human.  Somewhere along the line, I sold myself out. I stopped tuning in and paying attention to my own brain. Just like I do over and over. So this week, I've been on HIATUS from T-MFRS. Taking a time out from writing. Rethinking things. Processing new events. Getting my brain back in order.  Here I am, relapsing. Workaholics Anon starts next week. Meet me on the Discord channel @ t-mfrs.com if you relate.
25:49
July 16, 2020
Blog | Appearance perfectionism and trauma; AKA, Fuck Jogging Jenny down the block
Nothing is ever good enough. Myself, especially. What's the issue with having "high standards?" Uhh... developing behaviors that actively work against you and cause new mental anguish, for starters.  How does this Trauma Brain take physical health and turn it into a life-breaking activity? The same way it takes most innocuous behaviors and gets detrimentally obsessive to the max; easily. If you aren’t treating your exercise regime as a method of self-care and mental health management.... you might be headed straight for dangerous brain and body responses. Thanks Trauma! Understand my personal war against my own body? Sorry... but hey, you aren't motherfucking alone! Check out the original post at www.t-mfrs.com, and if you're feeling brave, write in with your insights. Share your story, we're all ears. 
19:21
July 15, 2020
Blog | Trauma Loops pt II: Stagnancy, terrible relationships, and self-abuse
Last time we talked Endless Trauma Loops pt I, I recounted the disappointing discovery that I've been living the same trauma-born mistakes for the past 10 years on repeat. I was both so smart - and clearly so fucking dense - to get stuck in the same life-halting traps for a decade. So, what are those repeat mishaps? Stagnancy and overdrive, tough relationships, anxious attachments, health-obsession and abuse, escapism, and an undercurrent of giving up on myself, to name a few... Sounds familiar? Eek, sorry Fucker. But also, while I was too dumb to stop making the same choices in different costumes on repeat, at least I had SOME idea of the right ways to get out of it. There are also positive notes of gratitude, confidence, optimism, and narrative thinking, for short-lived times.  If I want to break the loops, I just have to make sure that my trauma brain doesn't push these ways of thinking to the back of the line again. I got it this time - hopefully. How bout you? If you've got something to say, let's fucking hear it! Find me and the other Traumatized Motherfuckers at t-mfrs.com. Email me at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to say hey. Join the private Discord group and get connected with MFs eerily like you.
53:11
July 8, 2020
Blog | Leveraging Anger in the war of Complex Trauma Recovery
Anger has a bad rap. No, we don't need more angst or outrage in this world... but when your emotions are limited by anxiety, overwhelm, and triggers, a Motherfucker only has so many options. "Finding Peace," and, "Believing in Bright Sides," aren't going to be on that list.  This is how indigence can be a useful tool to kickstart a trauma recovery journey. Git mad, git proactive, and prove that all those fuckers who held you back back before won't hold you down forever.  By the way, I wrongly credit this idea with some flip-flopped words. For more learning, you should check Pete Walker's "Complex Trauma; From Thriving to Surviving." (Not the opposite. Note to self: Mind your mush mouth, MF.) Like my new music intro/outro? Yeah, we'll see how long it takes that cease and desist letter to arrive. Looking for community support of your pissy attitude? We're pretty positive these days, but we'll call your shit right out. Check it at t-mfrs.com/join. Sign up for the Discord group and get into the community of real Traumatized Motherfuckers.
21:56
July 7, 2020
Blog | Fear and Helplessness; There is no merit in worrying
It's a marathon episode of back-to-back blog posts, motherfucker! Talking about the mindset of fear and helplessness running the show of your life. What's stopping you from doing things you know you should? Probably yourself. For me, life gets stunted on repeat by runaway catastrophic thinking and sense of pending doom that fills my traumatized brain. How can you get started on anything when you're convinced it's going to be disastrous or deadly? Ya fucking can't. Where do these victimized assumptions come from and how to get steppin. Then, the merit of worrying must die. Discussing the major problem with always being "10 steps ahead." How did this MF transition from an agoraphobe who was anxiety-attack-level-terrified of driving to packing up and doing that shit errday, across thousands of miles? Well... the answer may be insulting. "Think less, do more." How? Wanna read the blogs? Find them and a whole lot of other trauma living articles at www.t-mfrs.com. While you're there... Subscribe to get on that Newsletter train. Join the Discord community for daily support with MFs like you. Reach out anytime to share your story or tell me this sucks!
59:08
July 2, 2020
Live | Shaking off shitty behaviors and getting trauma on track
A wild update 'cast from adventures in trauma; off the cuff and sharing a busy week of learning & developments. PLUS - A fellow trauma traveler from across the globe reaches out! Sharing the goosebump-raising voice message sent from an amazing New Zealander, now proud to call herself a Motherfucker. A gift I accept with so much gratitude, and oh, her beautiful accent. This week... your motherfucker's actually keeping the trauma terrors at bay. Why? Because I'm finally not acting like an asshole to myself. Turns out, when you calm down, do the things that you know support your trauma recovery mindset, and stop indulging in your shitty habits, everything can change pretty quickly. PSA: consume the right information, keep up with your mental health management practices, and watch your perspective change your world. Also, talking about all the exciting and unexpected shifts happening! Holy MF! The pressure of people actually caring, the universe shifting away from shitting on my everyday parade, and the spontaneous trauma-healing words I never thought my mom would say. Healing generational trauma. You know, I'm starting to think there's a purpose to all this.  Wanna jump into trauma recovery like a MF? Join the Traumatized Motherfucker Community on Discord! Hit up www.t-mfrs.com to apply for membership! While you're there, feel free to get in touch, subscribe to the blog/newsletter, and read trauma recovery lessons shared from fuckers like you. 
48:33
July 1, 2020
Converse | "Maybe in 10 years" - Talking Vulnerability, Trauma Mindset Recovery, and Terrible Relationships
The very first episode of "Maybe in 10 years." The conversation and interview portion of the Complex Trauma podcast. Because no one needs to listen to my voice all day.  Traumatized Motherfuckers' Community Makers/Moderators Daniel and Jess sit down with a fine box of wine and talk Trauma. And motherfucker, maybe it's that sweet rush of Franzia, but we cover a lot of ground.  Topics include; getting over the fear of being vulnerable, learning about our diagnoses, leaning into depressive days without sinking the whole ship, and why relationships might not be the best choice for anxiously attached humans like us.  For more information, visit www.t-mfrs.com.  Wanna chat? Write in! Or, sign up to be a part of the private Discord community to get one-on-one mental health jabber with these Traumatized Motherfuckers.
52:45
June 27, 2020
Blog | Endless Trauma Loops; Why do they happen and how to forgive mistakes on repeat
For the past 2 years, I've had major epiphany moments about my trauma journey and recovery .I've made enormous progress in changing my mindset and behaviors to change my life - working towards building one I actually want, instead of one shaped by trauma. And then... I found an old journal that effectively demonstrates that I've known this information all along. Since, you know, a decade ago. I've had all the answers, I've known the right steps to take, and I've relived the same trauma patterns over and over again. What the fuck, self? What have you been doing? Loving this life of misery so much you couldn't give it up? Today, I'm talking endless trauma loops. Where do they come from? What's up with this trauma programming, inner critic, and fucked up core belief system? How does history repeat itself without being noticed? And how can we break these patterns before another decade flies by?  Plus... how to forgive ourselves for mistakes on repeat. Thanks, Universe.  If you've got something to say or just want to connect with other Traumatized Motherfuckers, search the Socials @traumatizedmotherfxckers! Find us at t-mfrs.com and request to become a member of the all-new community platform. Or, reach out at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com anytime to tell me what's up in your traumatized world. 
28:32
June 26, 2020
Blog | Complex Trauma and insecure attachments. Why romantic relationships wreck my world
I'm not proud to admit, I have bad relationships. I get obsessive and anxious. I fall into unhealthy patterns with unhealthy people. And I let them destroy my life from the inside out.  Part of this pattern is due to insecure attachments and trauma brain. The other part? My love for equally damaged animals. I'm a sucker for "helping" people at the cost of helping myself. I'm drawn to people with problems. I'm skilled at orienting my life around someone else's. I'm great at being a little helper and telling myself that's all I'm good for. Thanks, trauma! It's easy to beat myself up, to feel like a "dumb girl," or to chide myself for being an emotional martyr... but the fact is, I never learned about healthy relationships. I have good intentions, but I can easily care too much for people who don't even care about themselves. And every time, I get blown off-course from wherever I was headed with my own life and mental health recovery. How about you? Wanna chat daily? Pop over to t-mfrs.com and sign up for the online community platform. We're talking trauma and offering mutual support 24/7. See you on the server!
23:42
June 25, 2020
LIVE: Visiting home and trauma journey backslides
For months I’ve been great (you know, relatively speaking for a Traumatized MF). I’ve been focused, uber productive, healthy, and happy, locked inside my room in Atlanta..... and then I came home to Illinois. Triggers: everywhere. Trauma mindset: ACTIVATED. I’ve been a fucking anxious, fearful, defeated mess, our of nowhere - and I can’t help but wonder.... How can such a high high be immediately followed by a descent to trauma lows? Will I pull this shit back together, or is this another slip backwards on my long trauma trek? Guess we’ll find out in this OFF THE CUFF discussion of recent life challenges.  If you're into the message, come hang out! Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com. Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters across the web. Let's rap about really living with Trauma.
26:40
June 10, 2020
Blog | Getting Vulnerable; Intro to my C-PSTD
Listen up! It's THE FIRST blog post I made (and kept) for Traumatized Motherfuckers... read in audiobook style for your easy consumption. Get to know my inner shit from a difficult early life, and see if it sounds a lot like yours. At the end of the day, we’re just Traumatized Motherfuckers (AKA trauma warriors leveraging our pasts to help ourselves in the future).  If you're into the message, come hang out! Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com. Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters across the web. Let's rap about really living with Trauma.
13:45
May 21, 2020
I am the Traumatized Motherfucker
I’ve been too chicken shit to follow through with creating a podcast for the past year. The brutal voice in my head gave a million reasons not to. But Traumatized Motherfuckers don’t let fear determine their lives anymore. And I am the OG TMF. This is my Complex Trauma project, and I hope it can help - first, I just have to take the motherfucking steps. Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com! Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters. Let's rap.
18:26
May 18, 2020