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Convergently Speaking

Convergently Speaking

By Dan Anear
Dan (relationship counsellor/husband) and Caitlin (personality enthusiast/wife) talk about improving your relationship with yourself and others using both their professional and personal experiences.
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Systems Thinking

Convergently Speaking

Applying the Scientific Method to your Relationship
Solo episode from Dan discussing the downfalls of using only logic and facts when working through relationship issues. 
June 26, 2022
The Gottman Method and How it Helps Couples Thrive - Interview with Psychologist Steve Wiese
To round out our series on the Gottman Method, we have an interview with Psychologist Steve Wiese who has been working with couples and singles for over 30 years and using the Gottman Method for nearly 20.  Steve talks about the research-based tools that he uses with couples - things to build their fondness and admiration for each other, how to maximise the dreams and priorities of both people and how to assess if a couple is on a disastrous path or if things can be turned around for them.  One tool in particular, the Caring Behaviours exercise, is a favourite and Dan has also found it very helpful with the couples he works with.  Enjoy the episode! Steve can be found at: Find Dan: Bookings: Instagram: @danielrelationshipcounselling Facebook:  @danielanearrelationshipcounselling
March 10, 2022
Stonewalling In Relationships - Why it's Dangerous, How to Spot it and What to do About it (Gottman's Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse)
This is the final episode of our 4-part series on the Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  We outline what stonewalling is, and why it happens. We talk about why someone who is stonewalling and appears calm is actually anything but calm. And we give you some excellent ways to remedy the situation if you are finding this an issue with your partner.  Look out next episode for a bonus discussion about the Four Horsemen with Steve Wiese - a Psychologist who has been working with this material for many years (and who happens to be Caitlin's dad). Dan Anear is a relationship counsellor and Personality Hacker certified Myers-Briggs coach who works with individuals and couples through periods of change and stress, supporting them to transform their pain into growth. Find Dan: Website and Bookings: Instagram: @danielrelationshipcounselling Facebook:  @danielanearrelationshipcounselling
January 11, 2022
Contempt in Relationships: The #1 Predictor of Divorce, but not a Relationship Death Sentence (Gottman's Third Horseman of the Apocalypse)
This is our third episode in the series on the Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" . Dan and Caitlin discuss contempt: what it looks like, what is behind it, and why it is the number one predictor of divorce. We also discuss what the antidote is - what you can do about it if you see it in your relationship, and how to avoid it in the first place.  Find Dan: Bookings and relationships counselling information: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielrelationshipcounselling Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearrelationshipcounselling
November 16, 2021
Defensiveness in Relationships: Why Does it Happen, Why is it so Bad and What can we do About it? (Gottman's second Horseman of the Apocalypse)
Dan and Caitlin discuss the second of the Gottman Institute's 4 Horsemen: Defensiveness. Do you find in your relationship that whenever one of you bring up an issue, the other person gets immediately defensive and either shuts down or goes on the attack? This is a common issue, and one that can lead to much worse dynamics in the future if it's not addressed. The good news is, though, that there is an antidote and ways to change this pattern! Listen for some great info and examples 
October 04, 2021
Criticism in relationships - What To Do About It (Gottman's first Horseman of the Apocalypse)
Caitlin joins to talk about the first of the Gottman Method's "Four Horsemen" - Criticism.  What is it? How does it affect our relationships? Where is it coming from? What is the antidote?  We share some of our under the surface if you are feeling the urge to criticise.  Hope you enjoy!  Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielrelationshipcounselling Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearrelationshipcounselling Counselling Bookings:
September 07, 2021
Archetypes with Garry Gilfoy
Dan has a great chat with Garry Gilfoy (Author, Counsellor and Teacher in Adelaide) about the developmental archetypes and how we can use their energies throughout our life. They also discuss some of the dynamics they see in relationships in their counselling practices.  Check out Garry's website at, he provides Archetype profiling if this is a topic that resonates with you. Enjoy! Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielrelationshipcounselling Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearrelationshipcounselling Bookings:
August 10, 2021
Navigating Life and Parenting as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)/ Empath/ Introvert with Naomi Harrington
Naomi Harrington (fellow INFJ) joins Dan all the way from Hawaii for a chat about being Highly Sensitive and an Empath, and how this shows up for her in her work, marriage and parenting. You'll really enjoy all that she has to say, especially if you are someone who finds lots of sensory input overwhelming, or who absorbs and processes the emotions of others. She shares about how she and her husband have navigated their differing personalities and held space for each other to thrive. Enjoy!  Dan will also be featured on her podcast soon! That’s Deep Podcast: Personal Development for Empaths ( Naomi Harrington is an Internationally Board Certified Life and Success Coach and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner, an empath, mother, and the host of the That’s Deep Podcast. She helps empaths understand their gifts, overcome energetic overwhelm, release limiting beliefs, and create stronger boundaries in their relationships. To connect with Naomi, follow her on Instagram: or visit her website: Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielrelationshipcounselling Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearrelationshipcounselling Bookings:
June 08, 2021
Parenting for your Child's Personality Type with Sandra Etherington
Dan and Sandra from Family Personalities talk about how to discover your child's personality type and how that understanding can bring more empathy and harmony to your family system. Sandra works with families to go deep in their understanding of each other, and she also hosts a brilliant podcast! Highly recommend. Find her everywhere social media at @familypersonalities and  Sandra is the owner of Family Personalities and the host of the Family Personalities podcast, a fun show that uses personality type to help change the way you see your family. Sandra is a UCLA graduate, with certifications in MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) and MMTIC (Murphy-Meisgeier Type Indicator for Children). Sandra uses her experience and training in Myers-Briggs personality type, to work one on one with families, helping them parent more effectively and compassionately based on their children’s unique wiring and needs. Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielrelationshipcounselling Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearrelationshipcounselling Bookings:
May 25, 2021
The Biggest Personality Difference a Couple Can Have with Dan and Caitlin
For this 40th episode Caitlin joins Dan to discuss the biggest personality difference a couple can have in the myers-briggs personality system and understanding this difference as a gift rather than a curse. Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Bookings:
May 12, 2021
Life without Rules with Sarah Beale
Sarah Beale joins today to chat about her family's journey to parenting without rules or force and how they sold everything and moved to Europe to start over and live in their values. Dan and Sarah also chat about rites of passage and the awakening that often happens when women find a taste of freedom and wildness. Sarah now works with other parents who want to parent in partnership with their kids - you can find her at Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Bookings:
March 31, 2021
Having a Better Relationship with Yourself with Samantha Mackay
Dan has an incredibly interesting chat with Samantha Mackay who is a fellow Typology-Lover and Personality Hacker Profiling graduate. Samantha is a former Lawyer, current Trainer and Coach who uses personality frameworks to work with people.  Dan and Samantha chat typology and health - Samantha shares her journey with chronic illness and the work she has done to heal and integrate all parts of herself. She also talks about emotions, grief, our relationships with our bodies and lots more. You'll really enjoy this episode!! Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Bookings:
March 16, 2021
Why we Talk Past Each Other in Romance and Friendship
In this solo episode, Dan talks about the root of many misunderstandings in relationships and friendships and what we can do about it.  He shares some insights on how we can gain more understanding and empathy for the people around us, rather than getting frustrated and annoyed at our differences.  Find Dan:  Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking   @danielanearcounsellingcoaching  Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching  Bookings:
January 30, 2021
Interview with Dan - Personality Psychology, Podcasting and Spiral Dynamics
Something a little different - here we are posting Dan being interviewed by Neville Starick (you may remember him from Episode 26). He asked Dan some great questions about his counselling practice, personality psychology, spiral dynamics and podcasting.  If you're quite familiar with Dan and his story, zoom ahead to about 36:00 for an interesting discussion about the Theory of Spiral Dynamics which we'll be talking about more in the future.  Enjoy! Find Neville: on facebook: Cynosure Support Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Bookings:
January 08, 2021
When Smart People are Dumb
A solo episode from Dan, exploring how intelligent people can get tripped up by being unaware of their emotions.  Find Dan: Bookings (new website!!): Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching
December 11, 2020
Personality, Development, Non-Dualism, Self-Coaching (and more) with Dr Dario Nardi (Part 2)
Here we have for you a huge guest and a great chat!  Dario Nardi, Ph.D. is a world renowned author,  researcher, speaker and expert in neuroscience, personality, and body-mind practices. He holds a Senior Lecturer position at University  of California (Los Angeles), where he won UCLA's Copenhaver Award for  Innovative Use of Technology in 2005 and UCLA's Distinguished Teacher of  the year in 2011. His books include Neuroscience of Personality, 8 Keys to Self-Leadership, Jung on Yoga, and Facets of Ayahuasca,  among other titles. We writes game books and fiction. And he is the  creator of the Personality Types iPhone app. Since 2006, Dario has  focused on conducting hands-on brain research, utilizing insights of  real-time EEG technology. Applications extend to coaching, counseling,  education, games, healthcare, leadership development, yoga, and many  other areas. He regularly keynotes international conferences and  facilitates workshops, teaching professionals about the art and science  of the brain. Dario is currently based in Los Angeles, USA and Oslo,  Norway. Dan and Dario cover many topics around personality, growth, shamanism..... and so much more. This is a prime example of a thoughtful conversation between two Intuitives. Hope you have enjoyed both parts of this epic chat.  You can find Dario at:, Facebook Buy his book: The Magic Diamond: Jung's 8 Paths to Self Coaching   Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Bookings:
November 25, 2020
Personality, Development, Non-dualism, Self-Coaching- an interview with Dr Dario Nardi (Part 1)
Here we have for you a huge guest and a great chat! Dario Nardi, Ph.D. is a world renowned author,  researcher, speaker and expert in neuroscience, personality, and  body-mind practices. He holds a Senior Lecturer position at University  of California (Los Angeles), where he won UCLA's Copenhaver Award for  Innovative Use of Technology in 2005 and UCLA's Distinguished Teacher of  the year in 2011. His books include Neuroscience of Personality, 8 Keys to Self-Leadership, Jung on Yoga, and Facets of Ayahuasca,  among other titles. We writes game books and fiction. And he is the  creator of the Personality Types iPhone app. Since 2006, Dario has  focused on conducting hands-on brain research, utilizing insights of  real-time EEG technology. Applications extend to coaching, counseling,  education, games, healthcare, leadership development, yoga, and many  other areas. He regularly keynotes international conferences and  facilitates workshops, teaching professionals about the art and science  of the brain. Dario is currently based in Los Angeles, USA and Oslo,  Norway. Dan and Dario cover many topics around personality, growth, shamanism..... and so much more. This is a prime example of a thoughtful conversation between two Intuitives. Enjoy the episode and stay tuned for Part 2 next week! You can find Dario at: The Magic Diamond: Jung's 8 Paths to Self Coaching  Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Bookings:
November 17, 2020
Personality and the Cost of Specialisation
Dan digs into some more of the technical parts of the Myers-Briggs System and how the different parts of a person's personality interact. He talks about the upsides and downsides of "specialising" in our strengths, and how this can play out in our lives.  Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcounsellingcoaching Bookings:
October 31, 2020
From Pain to Purpose
Life brings us pain, unfortunately there's no way around that. It is certainly not easy, but when we have particularly painful times, we have the opportunity to harness and use that pain to learn and grow and transform. We may just find ourselves coming out the other end with purpose, all the stronger for finding meaning and healing amongst the pain. Dan share's some simple but profound quotes that he has gotten a lot out of while doing the work of healing and transforming his own pain to purpose.  Find Dan: Coaching Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @daniel_anear_coaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcoaching
September 28, 2020
Mental Health, Transformation and Lived Experience with Jamie Ryan
Enjoy this beautiful conversation with Jamie Ryan, who is a social worker, counsellor and educator with over 25 years experience in the Mental Health field.  He and Dan talk about the ways that the mental health sector is transforming to put people's experiences more in the centre and how Peer Work is part of this transition. Jamie shares about some of his own experiences, which we are honoured to hear. The two also talk about what people's mental health will look like post - COVID, and how we move forward to grow as society.  Enjoy the episode! Find Dan: Coaching Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @daniel_anear_coaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcoaching
September 10, 2020
Self Development: What if I'm Leaving my Partner Behind?
Dan discusses what can happen when one partner in a relationship begins to get into self development, heal past traumas or question their beliefs. How do you manage these changes and how they affect your relationship? How do you best communicate about what you're learning and what's going on? Is the relationship doomed?  Find Dan: Coaching Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking                       @daniel_anear_coaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking                     @danielanearcoaching
August 12, 2020
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Solo episode with Dan talking about the stories we tell ourselves. Dan shares a personal story of how looking at the stories he was telling himself was holding him back and how the stories we are telling are vital to our sense of well-being. What are the stories you're telling yourself? Do you have control over these or are they malleable and changeable?  Find Dan: Coaching Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking @daniel_anear_coaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcoaching
July 31, 2020
Rejecting Auto-Rejection
Solo episode from Dan, talking about how to deal with our human tendency to immediately reject and therefore not listen to ideas that are contrary to our own beliefs or are from the other side of a particular issue. What is the antidote to this seemingly inbuilt wiring? How can we teach ourselves to listen better and more fully?  Listen for more! Find Dan: * Coaching Practice * Instagram:             @convergentlyspeaking               @daniel_anear_coaching * Facebook:             @convergentlyspeaking            @danielanearcoaching
July 15, 2020
Change and Grief with Neville Starick
Interview with Neville Starick, who shares some of his story as a third culture kid and a life of international travel.  Neville is a counsellor who specifically looks at the role of change in people's lives, and how they can move through the grief that change brings with it. He shares some beautiful insights and stories, as well as some bonus Enneagram content! (Neville is an Enneagram 4). Have a listen, you'll love it.  Join the conversation on Instagram, share your own stories, impressions of the episode or feedback! Find Neville: on facebook: Cynosure Support Find Dan: Coaching Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  @daniel_anear_coaching Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking @danielanearcoaching
June 21, 2020
Why I Love the Enneagram
The Enneagram is pretty ubiquitous in culture at the moment, everyone is talking about it and everyone wants to tell you your number.  Dan talks about the Enneagram, which he's been studying for over a decade, how he's found it helpful and transformative in his life, and some insights on how to journey with it as a tool for personal development.  Stay tuned for more Enneagram content in the future!  Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking
June 04, 2020
Overcoming Adversity with Rohan Harry
Rohan Harry - comedian, podcaster, and friend from way back - joins the podcast to share his story of overcoming some incredible health issues. It's an inspiring, funny, and at times heartbreaking interview, you're sure to enjoy it!  Dan and Rohan talk personality (Rohan is a classic INFP), motivation, the trickster archetype.... and much more.  Find Rohan: I nstagram: @attitudeconsultant  Find Dan:  Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking
May 29, 2020
Personality Types & Relationships: Judgers vs Perceivers
The fourth and final episode in our series about personality and intimate relationships.  The Judger/Perceiver split can be a tricky one to navigate, but with a little understanding, a J/P couple can really thrive as they appreciate and grow from the other's way of doing things. And what if you're both the same type? Dan talks about that too! Something for everyone.  Enjoy the episode and hop over to social media to tell us what you thought about it! Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking
May 08, 2020
Personality Types & Relationships: Thinkers vs Feelers
In the 3rd episode of this series on relationships and personality, Dan discusses the difference between thinkers and feelers.  Do thinkers still have feelings underneath all that cold, hard logic? (yes!) Can we ever get on the same page?  Listen to understand where your partner may be coming from and how they see the world, and you'll begin to speak the same language and appreciate what each other is bringing to the table.  Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking
April 24, 2020
Personality Types & Relationships: Sensors vs Intuitives
This second episode in the series about personality and relationships, Dan discusses the differences between Sensors and Intuitives. Understanding this difference between people can make a huge impact on how we relate to each other, maybe more than any of the other 3 dichotomies of the Myers-Briggs system. Sensors and Intuitives see and experience the world in very different ways and yet these polar opposites can be complementary making for a great partnership dynamic. Find Dan: Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking
April 16, 2020
Personality Types & Relationships: Introverts vs Extroverts
The first episode in a 4-part series,  Dan talks about the differences, tension points, and strengths in romantic relationships in regards to the Introvert/Extrovert dichotomy. Is it ideal to both be the same type? How do you get your introvert partner out of the house? How do you navigate the issues that arise from being so different (or so similar!)? Some thoughts to get you reflecting on your own relationship.   Next time, Sensors vs Intuitives (S vs N)!
April 09, 2020
Navigating challenging times as an INFJ - with Betsy Garmon
Dan has a chat with Betsy Garmon who is an artist, coach, and soul cartographer.  They dive into how they, as INFJs, are experiencing and dealing with this current pandemic and everything that comes with it. Betsy brings her wisdom on self care, journaling, and how we can live connected to ourselves.   Find Betsy at her website here and facebook here  Find Dan at- Instagram: @convergentlyspeaking  Facebook: @convergentlyspeaking
March 28, 2020
Men Need Men
Solo Episode from Dan talking about modern masculinity, vulnerability, and how men need each other. 
March 13, 2020
Being an Enneagram 9, Learning from Indigenous Australia, Trauma & the Body - with Rev Jesse Size
A few weeks back during a short getaway to Port Augusta (South Australia) I was able to sit down with my good mate the Reverend Jesse Size, a great conversation chocked full of wisdom from a man who has spent his life living alongside people on the margins, Jesse blends theory and practice like few I've ever met, enjoy! -Find me at- || facebook @danielanearcoaching || instagram @daniel_anear_coaching
February 28, 2020
Bowing Down at the Throne of Busy
In this episode, I talk about the cultural norm of needing to always be busy and talk about how I've come to think about managing my time, a re-frame originally triggered by a trip to Zambia. -Find me at- || facebook @danielanearcoaching || instagram @daniel_anear_coaching
February 15, 2020
Evolution, Open-Mindedness, Enneagram, Myers-Briggs with Sam of Unapologetically Evolving.
Something a bit different this week. This is an interview I did for my friend Sam's new podcast, Unapologetically Evolving . We talk about some of my early life, my evolution and growth, open-mindedness, holding space for others, respecting other’s choices and nut out some of the intro concepts of the Myers-Briggs system as well as Enneagram and Spiral Dynamics.  I really enjoyed having a chat with Sam, and his other podcast episodes are also a really good listen, head on over and check them out. -Find me at- || facebook @danielanearcoaching || instagram @daniel_anear_coaching -Find Sam at: - facebook @unapologeticallyevolving || instagram @unapologeticallyevolving ||
January 26, 2020
Being an Enneagram 2, Gentle Masculinity and Archetypes - with Steve Johnson
Old mate Steve (because I've known him for so long) comes on Convergently Speaking where we talk about Gentle Masculinity, Archetypes and being an Enneagram 2 peppered with some Richard Rohr wisdom, enjoy!
January 17, 2020
Positive Psychology, Mindful Parenting and Self-development with Carmen Bliss
Carmen Bliss, Counsellor, Coach and good friend of Dan's joins Convergently Speaking for a winding coversation through Positive Psychology, Mindful Parenting and all things self-development.  If you resonate with what Carmen has to say then please show her some social media love! You can find her at: @inspiredwellbeingco  #inspiredwellbeingco
December 15, 2019
Intuitive Awakening
In this episode I talk about what it means to have an Intuitive Awakening and my own experiences of learning that I'm an Intuitive. If you've been enjoying this podcast so far maybe you too are an Intuitive, have a listen to find out.
November 29, 2019
Dan and Caitlin Discuss Relationships
For this episode my wife Caitlin joins in for a discussion about our, relationship and some things we've learned over our (almost) 10-year marriage. Note: Now that I now  have two microphones keep an eye out for more Convergently Speaking guests, I have some fabulous people I'd like you to meet.
November 13, 2019
Life is Hard
In this episode I talk about the idea that life is hard and what we can do about it.
November 01, 2019
Making the Unconscious Conscious - Part 2
In this episode I discuss real life stories of making the Unconscious Conscious and how transformative this can be.
October 22, 2019
Making the Unconscious Conscious - Part 1
In this episode I suggest the much of what our brains are up to is unconscious to us and discuss the idea of bringing some of this material into our conscious awareness. In part 2 I share tools and stories about actually bringing our unconscious into our conscious.
October 09, 2019
A Rubric for Assessing the Quality of our Friendships
Friendships aren't always easy and we can find ourselves unconsciously slipping into unhealthy dynamics with our friends. In this episode I offer a simple rubric for assessing the quality of our friendships, one I've personally found to be very useful.
October 01, 2019
Victim Mentality vs Responsibility
In this episode Dan talks about being a victim versus having a victim mentality and where personal responsibility fits in with this.
September 25, 2019
Systems Thinking
We all exist within multiple systems and yet because we can't physically see these systems it's easy to forget so how much of an impact these have on our lives. This episode breaks down the idea of Systems Thinking and why it's a valuable way to look at the world.
September 10, 2019
Unconventional Masculinity
On this episode Dan talks about unconventional expressions of masculinity and how personality type plays a role in the way men express themselves.
August 26, 2019
Convergently Speaking?
In this episode I discuss the thinking behind the Convergently Speaking name and how it relates to my own worldview and personality type.
June 05, 2019
On Free Will - A New Perspective
In this episode I look at the age old topic of Free Will and offer a third way of thinking about this dilemma to the binary approach we generally think about it. Hope you enjoy the show and please subscribe for future episodes.
May 13, 2019
Anger as a Symptom
First episode of the Conveniently Speaking podcast where I look at anger as a symptom and what we can do about it.
May 05, 2019