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Cool Parents

Cool Parents

By Curtis Charles
We're not parents, we're just a couple silly boys in a rock-n-roll band called Cool Parents. If you dig flawless comedy that's objectively "hysterical," this show is for you. If you want advice on how to be a mama or a pep pep, you should still listen to this show, but also see a licensed professional.
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That's Verb, My Guy
We took the liberty of isolating some more vocal tracks from an assortment of songs. Curtis even did some choppin' and screwin' of those vocals to a very satisfying end. You'll love what you hear! Also, we've got a "Cryptid" Update and some fantastic Pervert Proverbs. Thanks for listening! www.linktr.ee/coolparents
01:21:50
May 18, 2022
The Room of the Toilet
The Cool Parents Travel Agency has you covered! We're visiting some businesses, calling some others, and creating our own in I Love This Business! Also, did you know seagulls are space aliens? www.linktr.ee/coolparents
01:13:40
May 11, 2022
TRAVIS POP IS A THIEF & A SCUMBAG!!!
Hey there, slimes! You wanna hear about some real cool kids in a 2006 high school yearbook? We got that! You wanna hear about some missed connections and "activities" on CraigsList? Well stop reading this and press play, you PERVERT.
01:12:26
May 04, 2022
Montana Silversmith's Big Danzig Belt Buckle
You got another top-quality episode on your hands today, folks! We have a couple Buttermans and Umpdates runnin' wiiiiild, then we listen to some incredible isolated vocal tracks from Rancid, Boxcar Racer, Disturbed, and Tom Waits. All that topped off with a Tough Guy Poetry from Soulfly! Thanks for listening, don't forget to support us pleeease! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:14:02
April 27, 2022
D.I. Doug
We've got a new segment to take for a spin called Round Trip Translations and an oldie but goodie, Tindergarten Cops! Give it a listen and tell your friends! www.patreon.com/coolparents  
01:28:28
April 20, 2022
Love, Butt, & Gunfire
We brought our A game to this one, folks, so strap in! Or strap on, because we've got Pervert Proverbs. We also answer your burning questions about all kinds of stuff upon which we are the authority. Thanks for listening, and be sure to join our Patreon to show your support and get bonus goofs! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:19:33
April 13, 2022
Have You Read These Documents?
Google reviews are back! We also discuss the lyrics of a song called "On the River" by Young Dolph.  Thanks for Listening! www.patreon.com/coolparents
52:20
April 06, 2022
Odd Plum
Justy Boy has a new segment! It's called Pomp Quiz. We also have some high school yearbook photos to review. Thanks for listening! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:22:37
March 30, 2022
Hoss Fooey
Are you up for something new? You'd better be, cuz we got a couple two tree new segments runnin' wild! Cowpoke Poetry, Hoss Fooey (AKA Horse Code), and Message Board Confessional all make their debuts alongside a new installment of Spelling Bee. Enjoy!   If you like the show, please support us on Patreon and get free goodies! www.patreon.com/coolparents  
01:06:58
March 23, 2022
The Ancestral Rudder
This just in: THE LIVER KING EATS CHILDREN. We got the proof. We also got some top-notch Pervert Proverbs and a Butter Man for you, so g'head and listen, would ya?! Thanks for listening and please support the show on Patreon! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:06:01
March 16, 2022
Nick Groff's Ghost-Sucking Kirby Vacuum
Come truggin' with us! We're talking about the greatest vocal performance in rock-n-roll history: KoRn's "Twist." Then we have some UFO sighting reports from our home state of New Hampshire. Also, don't miss the return of the hit segment, Groff the Chain. Thanks for listening, and please support us on Patreon for more very nice goofs: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:00:22
March 09, 2022
Bum Loam
We have to talk about rope and loam. patreon.com/coolparents
58:34
March 02, 2022
Butt Fumble
We're talkin' about some obscure Wikipedia articles dug up by @depthsofwikipedia on Instagram, a Tough Guy Poetry from Five Foot Thick, and another installment of Tindergarten Cops! Support us on Patreon, sheepeople! patreon.com/coolparents Thanks for listening!
01:18:19
February 23, 2022
Bring Me the Lingam of Julio Gomez
A Pervert Proverb for the ages! We also cover the lyrics of "Stuntin' Like my Daddy" by Little Wayne and Birdman. The main event: a sexxxy Jurassic Park fanfiction written almost entirely by an A.I. Enjoy! Don't forget to share and join our Patreon at: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:10:36
February 16, 2022
Ridin' Pit with Bwort
We return to the confusing depths of high school senior yearbook photos and comb through the lyrics of Kid Rock's latest abortion, "We The People." Thanks for listening, go ahead and support us on Patreon for extra bonus goofs and gags! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:12:15
February 09, 2022
Some Type of Sick
This one's for our slimes we affectionately call BWETT. It's his birthday(ish) and we're fixin' to make him hurl with some top-notch erotic fanfiction! We also talk a little Meatloaf and play a Justy Boy original guessing game, Jabroni Jamboree! Thanks for listening and if you like whatcha hear, please support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:09:38
January 26, 2022
My Jaded Cells
Pervert Proverbs is back in its original form! Also, we have an exceptional new installment of Tough Guy Poetry. Please enjoy responsibly.
01:03:25
January 19, 2022
Bad Tomatoes
We're back with new business reviews from Google and another installment of The Book of 2 Chainz! Come on, GIT IT! patreon.com/coolparents
01:22:05
January 12, 2022
The Longest Testes in the Westes
Dana White? More like Dana Brown! Did you know MMA fighters love to shit all over themselves? It's true! And did you know that the moon is full of yellow jelly and ruled by a moon king named Bibi Onini? That's also true, probably. All that, Missed Connections, I Love This Business, and more on this hott hott episode. Thanks for listening! coolparents.com/coolparents
01:09:59
January 05, 2022
Pull Up, Suck Foot
We have a new version of our world famous Pervert Proverbs segment. This time, we're doing titles from PornHub videos! We also have some new Tindergarten Cops entries and a roundup of some of the best weird news stories of 2021. Thanks for listening, love youuuu! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:19:40
December 29, 2021
Cuth Cuthbertson, Wrangle Them Boys!
Welcome to the second season of the Cool Parents Podcast! New here? Don't worry, jump right in and we'll get you up to date in no time. We've got a new segment for a new season in which we discuss user reviews of random small businesses across the country. We also take a look at PornHub's year-end search trends for 2021. You'll also hear an old Christmas song we recorded years ago. It's about tugjobs and stuff!  Thanks for listening, and don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon if you dig our goofs! www.patreon.com/coolparents  
01:30:37
December 22, 2021
200 - BEET GOD (Bluffington Season 3)
Bluffington, everyone's favorite non-existent reboot of Nickelodeon's Doug, is back in a big way with a third season! Beware the Order of the Beet! Thanks so much for listening, everyone! We love you!   www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:27:08
December 15, 2021
Bonus Episode: Bluffington Recap (Seasons 1 & 2)
Previously on Bluffington...
01:36:51
December 15, 2021
Best Prank Calls
Here are some of our favorite prank phone calls!
01:52:45
December 09, 2021
Best Goofs! (Ep. 146 - 199)
What a wild ride it's been, and we're just getting started, baby! Here are some more fun goofs we did. Thanks so much for listening!
01:25:45
December 08, 2021
Best Goofs! (Ep. 91 - 146)
What a wild ride it's been, and we're just getting started, baby! Here are some fun goofs we did a long time ago. Thanks so much for listening!
01:29:59
December 07, 2021
199 - Crumhorn Assjob
If you don't know what a crumhorn or an assjob is, you're not alone. Come along with us and learn as we parse OnlyFans category tags! We also play some Mad Libs and discuss Peter Popoff's "Miracle Spring Water." Thanks for listening! www.patreon.com/coolparents  
01:13:35
December 01, 2021
198 - Hub Nut & the Electric Big Rig
This one's a banger! We got Tindergarten Cops, Tough Guy Poetry (a new pile of shit from Kid Rock), and a phone call to a new celebrity "guest." Check 'er out! patreon.com/coolparents
01:30:14
November 24, 2021
197 - Do She Scrump?
Well? Do she? We've got some pretty incredible Pervert Proverbs for this one. We also take a look at the lyrics of "Like Me" by 2 Chainz in a brand new installment of The Book of 2 Chainz! Hope you like it! Find more goodf and support our endeavors on out Patreon, pretty please, over at: www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you and god bless.
01:00:56
November 17, 2021
196 - The Flesh Tentacle
01:36:59
November 10, 2021
195 - Papa Rope
We have some Missed Connections from Craig's List for ya, as well as a round of I Love This Business and so much more! Oh, there's also a legitimate appearance from a certain major celebrity with a butt-chin. No joke, check it out. Thanks for listening! Support the show at: www.patreon.com/coolparents  
01:20:39
November 03, 2021
194 - Amazon for Wizards
This episode contains irrefutable evidence of FOOT GHOST. We communicate with the other side via the Necrophonic app after talking wizards and Butter Mans. Thanks so much for listening! Consider contributing to our Patreon pretty please: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:03:10
October 27, 2021
193 - The Fresno Grinch Finger
You cannot squaredance in a circle. You also cannot listen to this spooky Ghostober episode (featuring special guest Olivia) without getting aroused by cryptozoological smut! Thanks for listening! And please join our Patreon at: www.patreon.com/coolparents  
01:32:50
October 20, 2021
192 - I Sing with my Whale
Ghostober is in full effect, so we've got a new Groff the Chain for you and an Are You Afraid of the Dark? episode commentary! If you enjoy our show, consider contributing to our Patreon and get yourself some real cool extras: www.patreon.com/coolparents  
01:13:24
October 13, 2021
191 - Devil Moves
Ghostober is here! We have to talk about the spookiest ghost of them all: the Holy Ghost. Oh, and also mummies, Draculas, etc. Subscribe to our Patreon if you like our show, please! We've got bonuses for you and it's only $3! www.patreon.com/coolparents Thanks for listening!
01:00:51
October 06, 2021
190 - A Hard Y7
Did you forget about Goof Dad?! Of course not... So you'll be happy to know we're finally fleshing out the TV movie event of the century! Thanks for listening and don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon!  www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:05:36
September 29, 2021
189 - Paul Thomas Cruiser
Can you believe we have more Truckdate? I mean, these things just keep coming out of the woodwork, usually towing a redwood on their big strong winch. But after the tucks have come in gone, we have a new installment of Tindergarten Cops and I Love This Business. Thanks for listening! Join our Patreon for only $3 and get instant access to a whole bunch of bonus material. Plus, you'll be supporting our show, which is so cool of you!
01:17:36
September 22, 2021
188 - Pliss
I heard you freaks like Pervert Proverbs. Do? Listen, pliss! We also play some The Shame of Life card game and pick apart some terrible wrestle man theme song in a segment Justy Boy calls Beef Boy Broetry. Pliss enjoy! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:21:12
September 15, 2021
187 - Plump Goddess
More news from the McFlurby front and it's... weird. Also, Curtis murders a truck (it deserved it) and Justy Boy brings the Missed Connections! Plus, Joe Rogan got COVID! lol Word of the day: NIMROD. Thanks for listening! Hey, you wanna check out our Patreon to support our show and get awesome bonus content? Then go ahead and do! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:10:05
September 08, 2021
186 - "The Cactus & Sexy Lump Show" (feat. Pinky)
Guess who's back... It's Pinky! We've got games to play and trucks to discuss on this Double Stuf episode. I know it seems like it's too long but we assure you, this is the Snyder cut of podcasts. It's lengthy but you'll be okay with it because it rocks. Thanks so much for listening and don't forget to support the show on Patreon! www.patreon.com/coolparents
02:05:05
September 02, 2021
185 - Cigarphagus
Take a journey with us to Peach Valhalla in a brand new segment (yet to be named) on the subject of anime titles from Crunchy Roll. Thanks for listening! Mosey on over to our Patreon for bonus content and to help support our podcast: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:12:35
August 25, 2021
184 - 100% Sticky (What the Horse Knows...)
Listen here pardners, we're crackin' some whips tonight, I'll tell you what. We also must discuss "PopoZão" by Kevin Federline ASAP. And what's up with those grape thieves behind Curtis' house? Any clues are greatly appreciated. Tip lines are opening soon. Thanks for listening! If you enjoy our goofs, please do us a solid and get on our Patreon. You'll get bonus content, too! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:12:12
August 18, 2021
183 - Jose Camacho's Premium Juice
Jose Canseco is on a roll this week with several head-scratchers on his Twitter feed. Also discussed are goats, Don Chena and The Suicide Squad, McFlurbies, skimboarding, and a couple new Butter Mans from BLACKPINK! U liek podcast? Plz do a Patreon plz. You'll get bonus goofs! www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you for listening!
01:01:56
August 11, 2021
182 - The Maserati of Susans
We have some choice Missed Connections and Pervert Proverbs in this one! Some of the best. We also finish the segment on cowboy slang we started a few weeks ago. Enjoy, pardner. Do you appreciate our work? If so, the best way to show it is over on our Patreon where you can also get bonus movie commentaries! Only $3!!!! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:06:57
August 04, 2021
181 - Lump
We got Butter Man! We got Tindergarten Cops! We got the gas, baby! Thanks for listening! Hop on over to our Patreon for bonus content and to support this podcast if you haven't already. You certainly will not regret it! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:07:50
July 28, 2021
180 - My Alien Green
Join us as we discuss egg, among other things. We have another brilliant Android game description to decipher and another installment of I Love This Business! Thanks for listening! If you like what we've made for you, join the VIPs supporting our endeavors over at our Patreon. You'll get bonus content! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:09:10
July 21, 2021
179 - An Pegasus
Justy Boy's throat is all toe up, but he's gonna tough it out for you good folks. What a troopah! We got some real yucky Pervert Proverbs for ya and also a Tough Guy Poetry by Static X and a couple new Butter Mans.  Thanks for listening and don't forget to hop on our Patreon and support the cause! You'll also get some hot bonus content: www.patreon.com/coolparents
53:21
July 14, 2021
178 - The Rotten Corpse of Mr. America
I hope you've got the sand to keep your son warm this winter, partner. Even if you gotta open up yer best mule to do so. We've got some prime cowboy content in this one, folks! And also, some excellent Missed Connections. Thanks for listening! If you like us, please support us on Patreon. You'll get bonus content and it's so cheap! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:11:50
July 07, 2021
177 - Red-Hatted Gorilla Demon
Are you prepared to learn about how Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst copes with the guilt of creating a Frankenstein? We also discuss a horse/truck Android game and the lyrics of "MFN Right" by 2 Chainz! u liek show??? Keep us runnin' strong buy contributing to our Patreon! You'll get some very nice bonuses too: www.patreon.com/coolparents Jah bless!
01:09:20
June 30, 2021
176 - Dimension It (feat. Darth Sepius)
Neil Wannabe is haunting my home. I know this because he spoke to us through the Necrophonic app. All this and much more spooky goofery (including Groff the Chain) on this very haunted episode! Now, g'head and check out our new Ghost Adventures parody, Polterguys: Michael the Doll! bit.ly/polterguys2 If you love this business, drop us some coin over at Patreon, please! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:11:11
June 23, 2021
175 - Keith Sweat's Sex Territory
Yo, you like juice movies? Huh? We got the hits this time: Tindergarten Cops and Pervert Proverbs. Thanks for listening! Check out this real nice Patreon, pleeeease. www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:03:22
June 16, 2021
174 - No Tongue, No Nose, No Mask
In this episode we discuss some of the stupidest things ever uttered by famous idiot Joe Rogan, we discover the meanings behind our recurring dreams, and Tony Boogyman makes his professional wrestling debut! If you like our content, please consider supporting us on Patreon! You'll get some very cool freebies along with the satisfaction of helping some hard-working independent creators. Thank you so muuuuuuch! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:28:48
June 09, 2021
173 - Killing Tony Boogieman
Chris "Milkman" Milton joins us to discuss the first episode of History Channel's The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch! But before that, we've got another installment of Butter Man among a myriad of other fun topics. Thanks for listening, and get on that Patreon tip for some super sick bonuses! Only $3! WOW! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:42:12
June 02, 2021
172 - Motorwayne & the Mystery of Spit Crick
AI Dungeon is back in a big way to take us trick-or-treating with Michael Avenatti! We also dissect the excellent lyricism of Luke Bryan as well as cool heavy rock band Disturbed. Thanks for listening, everyone! If you like our show, you can support us over at Patreon and get some sweet extras in the process: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:15:00
May 26, 2021
171 - Big Honkin' Pig
You got a problem with me, wiseguy? Huh? I'll have ya whacked. Feed ya to my pigs. They eat the bones! Hop on our Patreon for extra content, including full-length movie commentaries! It's so inexpensive and so worth it, I promise. Thank you! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:00:26
May 19, 2021
170 - The Ultimate Choice
This episode contains a lot of laughs. I mean this literally. A lot of time is spent laughing. Just know that I cut out about half of it. In reality there was roughly twice the laughing. Sooooo...  Did you know you can support our goofs and get some sweet bonus content at the same time by contributing to our Patreon? It's true, so please do! Thank you!
01:03:58
May 12, 2021
169 - Born Hard
From high atop a horse egg pyramid we answer the internet's burning questions after discussing a Mighty Ducks theory in which Gordon Bombay poisons a bunch of kids! Support us on Patreon and get more super nice goofs, please! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:08:24
May 05, 2021
168 - Ghosts Don't Wear Leather Jackets
"You have to have at least ten years as a DJ under your belt in order to communicate with ghost," said Justy Boy. Luckily, we've been DJing since the early-90s Acid House underground rave scene, so we can talk to ghosts. Not a problem. Listen and you'll hear us communicate face to ghost-face with intelligent entities via the sick smart phone app Necrophonic. Subscribe to our Patreon to support the show and get some dope bonus content! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:02:59
April 28, 2021
167 - An Day Off with Foot Girl
Jetskis. We've never used 'em but we love 'em. Very powerful machines with very powerful pee pee streams! Now call up Quick Meat™ and hop in the beef, cuz this one's a slapper! Wanna support Cool Parents? You do. G'head! Get some bonuses while you're at it: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:12:55
April 21, 2021
166 - RoboJoan
Allegedly there was once a female pope! Any evidence of Pope Joan is hiding in the Vatican archives, accessible only to the Christ. Duh, everybody knows that... What you may not know, however, is the story of the first robot Pope. If you like what we do, please subscribe to out Patreon! You'll get all kinds of sweet gifts for doing so and we would appreciate it so much. Thank you! www.patreon.com/coolparents
54:57
April 14, 2021
165 - EGG WAR: The Temple of Al Spud
Got mud? Call Spud! Hey, friend! You wanna support our podcast? Please? We put a lot of work into this thing, SOOO... G'head! www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you so much, and Jingus bless!
01:12:00
April 07, 2021
164 - The Scorpion Kink
We've finally identified the Seal Team 6 of ghost killers! Please support the show and get some sweet swag over at our Patreon! www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you!
01:07:42
March 31, 2021
163 - American Food Baby
Have you heard about Joe Biden's performance-enhancing earlobes? Have you ever participated in egg-swapping? Have you ever mistakenly activated a Tom Clancy? No? Well...  Please consider supporting our show! Head on over to our Patreon to do so and we'll give you all kinds of goodies! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:09:28
March 24, 2021
162 - You Can't Shave a Mummy
Tindergarten Cops is on the docket but we're also gonna dive into the epic poem "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne. Additionally, we have some new information on POPE as well as noted warlock José Canseco. Thanks for listening! You can support the show and get siiiiick goodies over at our Patreon: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:21:56
March 17, 2021
161 - Evidence of Skin
These alternate titles for this episode should give you a great idea of what to expect: The Rock Has Eyes Bubble Gum Tongue Muscle Joseph Smith: Skinwalker Joseph Smith: Realm Squatter God Hole Shrimpin' for Oil If you'd like to support us on Patreon, you'll get free gifts and a TRUCKload of extra content for only $3 or $5. Help us out, would ya?! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:05:15
March 10, 2021
160 - Wet but Classy
Join us on our quest to locate Billy Football's soul. Witness a cryptic transmission form an ancient space caveman. Then later, experience the first ever "Bucket Match" in the history of CPW. Thanks so much for listening! Please show your support if you can over at our Patreon: www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:04:21
March 03, 2021
159 - Bowel Knights: A Sinister Bean
"Do the Queen Bean Dream?" Listen up, Groff the Chain is back! Need I say more? Park your heat, mister, and check out this new episode. Oh, you'll love what ya hear. And don't forget to support us on Patreon for extra goodies, please and thank you!
01:19:11
February 24, 2021
158 - Horny Bay Boob Theory
Please don't throw us in the clink for using suggestive language in our episode title. It couldn't be avoided, I swear! This episode is fiah. Simple as that. You better listen. G'head. It's got egg talk, peepee talk, and some life hacks to help relieve you of your freaks. What else could you need? Hop on over to our Patreon and show your support! You'll get all sorts of goodies for your kindness. www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you all sooooo much!
01:19:25
February 17, 2021
157 - Rydo Honks Twice
We got a Race Track Man. We got a five gallon bucket. We got vials of spit. Last but not least: we got RYDO. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy Rydo. Have you subscribed to our patreon? You totally should! We appreciate the support.
01:11:27
February 10, 2021
156 - Impervious to Nut
Wanna see my pit? Hit me up! Don't forget to support us on Patreon if you can. Thank you! www.patreon.com/coolparents
01:07:39
February 03, 2021
155 - Lasso Lizards from Hell
Biiiiig slugger and friend of Bigfoot Jose Canseco is back and looking to throw some fists. Could he be the meathead Nostradamus? Also, do you hate snakes and love apes? We have the story for you! Thanks for listening! Please consider supporting us on Patreon at: www.patreon.com/coolparents
58:58
January 27, 2021
154 - Pope Floats
POPE. That's all. Short n' sweet. Pope Sean Paul... just not that Nazi Pope. Not my POPE. NOPE. Please support us on Patreon over at: www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you and POPE bless!
01:05:40
January 20, 2021
153 - Cartier Wallet Chain
What's up, you puke freaks?! I'm sorry I called you puke freaks just now... I meant it in a nice way. Anyway, check out this new episode! It features the return of Tindergarten Cops and Jabroni Jamboree, as well as a conversation with Nick Einstman (of Nick's Not Creative) about Cartier jewelry. If you like our stuff, please consider becoming a patron over at: www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you!
01:31:13
January 13, 2021
152 - Meat of the Loom
I really hope you're not listening to this via 5G. Especially if you've been vaccinated. You know Big Brother? I heard on Facebook he's trying to do some stuff. So... Will.i.Am? More like Will.i.AIN'T! Shooooot. Please consider supporting us by becoming a Patron over at: www.patreon.com/coolparents Thank you so much!
01:03:50
January 06, 2021
151 - Dope Runt in the Bongo Zone
Have you been to the Bongo Zone? Come on in, be my guess! Are you a melancholy alpha male like Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst? Be my guess! Interested in my "Runtz?" Be my guess! And don't forget to support us on Patreon at www.patreon.com/coolparents Thanks!
01:13:25
December 30, 2020
150 - The Legend of Goof Nugget: Bigfoot's Bounty
On this special 150th episode, we're joined by Nick "The Post Master" (and dungeon master) to embark on an unforgettable quest to save Bigfoot. In return, Lord 2 Chainz will grant us back our lives after we were killed by a huge truck. Will we prevail?! Please consider helping us out by becoming a Cool Parents patron at patreon.com/coolparents Thank you!
01:20:11
December 23, 2020
149 - A Gutter Punk Christmas
Ohhh baby, we got ourselves a hot one here! We're finally hearing the voices of our sweet slimes (and one frienemy: Don Palumbo). Wanna know what a gutter punk Christmas looks like? Listen to find out! You'll also learn about diesel fuel, Santa Claus AKA your dad AKA a liar, and Scottish snow plows!
01:05:33
December 16, 2020
148 - Rod
Look out for Rod and Mr. Meat! We've got some Pervert Proverbs for ya, a brand new (to us) cryptid, a nun game, and... wait, did you know horses can SWIM?!?!
01:08:12
December 09, 2020
147 - Ghost Train Hussein
Got lasagna snakes? We got a Garfield for that!
01:15:50
December 02, 2020
146 - Bingo Night in the Kingdom of Heaven
Please do not say a prayer for my motha, for she has been expelled from the Kingdom of Heaven. Instead, listen to us goof off real niiiiice! We'll solve a mystery or two and talk a little Tough Guy Poetry so tune in, would ya?
01:12:53
November 25, 2020
145 - Billy Brews & The Famous Pilgrims
THE PILGRIM IS HERE.
55:41
November 18, 2020
144 - The Cinnamon Submission
Have you ever wanted to do bath salts with Jesus of Nazareth? Of course you have, so just join us, would ya?! And guess what. Making a Muscle Boy is back with a vengeance!
01:07:27
November 11, 2020
143 - Joe's Pump
Somehow Joe Exotic's penis pump was not the spookiest part of Ghostober 2020. Zozo stole the show!
59:47
November 04, 2020
142 - El Chupacaballo (A.K.A. Night Horse)
Other titles considered for this episode: Horse Trap Horsetopus Horse Morsel Horseferatu El Chupacaballo (The Horse Sucker) Insane Horse Pussy Horse Terrors Horse Cork Notice a trend? Horse! Why would we end #Ghostober with horse? Because horses are... spooky? Olivia joins us to elaborate and introduce us to the terrors of the Night Horse! Happy Heckoween!
01:34:38
October 29, 2020
141 - Never Trust a Hagrid
Can't get enough Ghostober? Neither can we. So here are some more ghosts to suplex!
01:10:15
October 21, 2020
140 - Speak the Latin, Become the Worm
We're back with more #GHOSTOBER goofs and spooks and we're asking the question: Why are child ghosts scarier than grown ghosts when the small ones would be easier to put down with wrestling moves?
01:05:25
October 14, 2020
139 - Body (Parts) of Christ
This one's got all the sweet details of Jesus' foreskin! And since it's Ghostober, Groff the Chain makes its triumphant return. We also have an UPDATE regarding Australia's own "Bowl Cut Yowie" and a (sadly) Bigfoot-free episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?
01:16:27
October 07, 2020
138 - Unravelling the Human Pop Tart Putty Monster
Hope you like MUMMIES! We're going deep into the tombs and pyramids of the ancient mummy pharaohs, firmly crossing our fingers to avoid the dreaded Mummy's Curse.
01:09:36
September 30, 2020
137 - Are You Afraid of the Blood Mummy?
It's almost Ghostober, folks! That means we're talking about them BIG pumpkins! Sure, we may discuss a truck or two, but they're electric so are they even really trucks? You be the judge. And then we move on to our very spooky conclusion in which we watch not one, but two episodes of Nickelodeon's classic Are You Afraid of the Dark?!  Beware the BLOOD MUMMY!
01:19:01
September 23, 2020
136 - Experimental Amoeba
It's FORD TRUCK MONTH, BABY! And we're getting all the truck out of our system before Ghostober comes around. That means we're talkin' Toby Keith and Kid Rock. There's plenty to love in this episode, so give it a listen, would ya?! We'll be sure to give you the ol' Kid Rock Salute.
01:11:43
September 16, 2020
135 - WAP (Wet Ass Poetry)
Are you a fan of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion's smash hit "WAP"? If so, you came to the right place. Listen to us deconstruct the track's controversial lyrics in the climaxxx of this episode! If you like glory holes, you've also come to the right place, because we're discussing their resurgence amid the current COVID pandemic. Also in this episode: a special Tony Hawk's Pro Skater edition of Butter Man!
01:12:35
September 09, 2020
134 - Colossus is a Scorpion
Topics covered in this episode: Skull Skirt/Dome Crown Super Machino Jungle Heaven Master Chief from the popular video game series Halo Nick Pit Nick Pit's Big Beard Company Nick Pit's Pit Pit in general Colossus' waxed scorpion body Mt. Pico and so much more!
01:11:10
September 02, 2020
133 - The Humble Cornholer
Curtis went up the country and did some cornholin' with the boys. Justy Boy looked at Craig's List's Missed Connections and got sad. Then Spineshank changed the world of rock n' roll in another installment of Tough Guy Poetry. Now... may I see it?
01:05:04
August 26, 2020
132 - The First & Last Caveman: The Joe Rogan Experience
This episode is brought to you by the letter "C" for caveman! The first ever caveman podcast was from the original caveman: Joe Rogan. Of course, this was way back in the times of the cavemans of Pangea. Wanna learn more about cavemans? We have a segment for that! We're also diving back into some senior yearbook quotes from 2003! Listen, come on, listeeennn!
01:06:11
August 19, 2020
131 - Weaponized Horse Cleat
Humans should have horseshoes. It just makes sense.  Today we're looking at another wonderful Android game called Super Miami Girl: City Dog Crime and topping it all off with some Pervert Proverbs!
56:33
August 12, 2020
130 - Amazing Spider Rope Frog Hero
Amazing Spider frog is new fantastic Spider game. K? Fly like a flying hero with Iron Rope Hero and take down The Bad Gangster. Want to know more about Frog rope game? Listen to this episode. Other topics include: Bionic pee pee Green Banana Blue hole Worm cult Mud Church Moon harpies Seriously folks, you don't want to miss this one!
01:02:59
August 05, 2020
129 - "I'm Rocky Balboski, Punch My Meat"
Justy Boy's taking the reigns for this one! Get ready for a journey through British slang and 2003 yearbook quotes in another instant classic episode of the Cool frickin' Parents Podcast. Warning: This episode contains monster erotica. Please be discrete, ok?
01:13:46
July 29, 2020
128 - Cotton Eye Puff (on VH2)
The worst song ever written... but viewed through the eyes of a young Puff Daddy. Tough Guy Poetry featuring a band called Soil. A new musical genre called Mountain Funk. Lisa Loeb. All that and more on this installment of the Cool Parents Podcast!
01:01:42
July 22, 2020
127 - Blood Light
Did you think you could escape the BOPIS? You just can't, you'll have to learn to live with it. Learn to love the BOPIS. We're also taking some time to answer some of the internet's questions and to discuss Lil Wayne's big worm farm.
52:50
July 15, 2020
126 - BOPIS
Got a new ear worm for ya: BOPIS. It's a big deal. Trust me.
59:23
July 08, 2020
125 - Jesus Was a Cucumber
You like VeggieTales? Yeah? Then you'll love this podcast!
01:08:31
July 01, 2020
124 - Frequent Squeegee
New segment alert! It's called Squat Watch and we're perusing the darkest corners of the internet in search of muscle-related questions that need answering. So get that ass to the grass and tune in, people!
01:03:39
June 24, 2020
123 - Mud Gargler
I bet you didn't know that the Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out?" is actually about female empowerment. That's a fact and we're totally here for it. Listen to the story and then listen to us answer your questions about gargling, hot dogs, and everything in between!
01:22:01
June 17, 2020
122 - Nipple Wedgie
FACT: The "G" in "G-string" does stand for GHOST. That's right, everybody, we back on our ghost shit! Hope you're happy. We sure are. Can't get enough ghost to be honest. We're also dipping our toes into some alien hell portal business, so... #GhostThong
01:05:33
June 10, 2020
121 - Spirit Fight: Extendo Stilettos
Guess what, everybody. We're talkin' cryptids! Again! Except this time they're local to us here in New England. Ever seen a garden gnome come to life? Me neither, but I wouldn't really care to. And among other things, we're Making a Muscle Boy tonight, so expect bloodshed!
01:11:29
June 03, 2020
120 - Bill Mudd
You probably would like to know who Bill Mudd is... He's Brad Pitt's alter ego, so keep an eye out for Mr. William Bradley Mudd. WARNING: Contains much Sexy Boy.
01:00:10
May 27, 2020
119 - My Grand Pappy's Mud Puddle
Do you know the fascinating story behind Sisqó's timeless booty jam "Thong Song"? If not, prepare to have your mind straight up freaked!  We've also got some fresh as mud truck talk you will not want to miss. At one time, there were five fathers... until one was consumed by a mud puddle. Finally, we have a few Pervert Proverbs to discuss and some other odds n' ends. (We don't mean to get political or nothin'...) #UncutThongs
01:12:26
May 20, 2020
118 - Broken Benjamin
Benjamin has been breaking for so long, it's time that boy breaks! Speaking of Sevendust, we're getting into some Tough Guy Poetry in this episode along with a brand new segment Don't Get Bent out of Snape. Don't miss it!
57:56
May 13, 2020
117 - Knight Wiener
You know it's a party when we got Olivia up in this here cluhhhh! We're talkin' truck (duh), bote (duh), and wieners (duh). We're also rebooting the COVID-19 virus and re-introducing the world to Tindergarten Cops! NOTE: May contain Wandy. Please be advised.
01:27:09
May 06, 2020
116 - Hippopotapus
What is a Hippopotapus? We can't say for sure, but it's probably some sort of hybrid creature on exhibit now at Owen Wilson's zoo! He bought a zoo, wow! In this episode, we're talkin' shit about a lot of things, starting with the obviously disingenuous ad campaigns exploiting the COVID-19 pandemic. It's more fun than it sounds... Also, you won't want to miss the latest Fred Durst update. It's a doozy! And I'd be remiss not to mention the triumphant return of beloved sex symbol Sexy Boy! Now g'head and listen to our rock-n-roll album, would ya? bit.ly/streamwhocares
01:06:30
April 29, 2020
115 - The Tsunami Code
We out here. We doin' our thang. Trucks, botes, and bootyholes await! And check out our new album wherever you stream music! bit.ly/streamwhocares
01:18:19
April 22, 2020
114 - Big Loads Real Quick
Talkin' shit about lil/big rappers, trucker slang, elitist chef culture, and some other stuff I can't remember right now. Who cares?
01:05:02
April 15, 2020
"BOTE" by Shark Marvelous & J-Slicky
In honor of Bote Month, here's a new slappin' rap jam straight outta the yacht cluhhh. Hope your bote's got huuuuge subwoofers.
03:51
April 15, 2020
113 - Horse Violence & The Doomsday Ghost Bote
We're prepared for doomsday and we plan to bug out on the one and only Ghost Ship, star of the motion picture Ghost Ship. We're gonna solve a mystery as well: the infamous "My Way Murders." Also, be prepared for discussions regarding horse, truck, and of course BOTE.
01:00:60
April 08, 2020
112 - Diesel Bath
Every day is truck month, baby! Let's cover that white truck in mud and make that brown POP! Oh, and of course we gotta talk about ghost sex and Bigfoot a little bit.
01:12:31
April 01, 2020
111 - Mystery Business
We have a new business and it takes place in the Mystery Truck. That's because it's TRUCK MONTH, we love mysteries, and we're the rap game Scooby Gang. Got it? First order of mystery business: what the heck happened to Akhenaten's mummy? Did Tom DeLonge buy it? What about his tummy? We can figure this one out, no problem. Not a problem at all.
53:12
March 25, 2020
110 - The Deep Brown Crystal
We're broadcasting live from our doomsday bunker and we're just having a blast down here! But be warned: the end of this episode contains a lengthy and graphic reading of a particularly horny bit of Ghost Adventures fan fiction. So bring a change of underpants.
01:22:36
March 18, 2020
109 - Go Worm
Have you ever gone worm? In the club or otherwise? Well maybe you should try, all them Tik Tok kids are doin' it. #goworm #mcflurby #kswiss
01:06:01
March 11, 2020
108 - Carbon Smeeker
Curtis doesn't care much for wrestling. Justy Boy does. Who cares? Stick around after our little argument for a reading of eleven year old Curtis' school project: an enthralling story about an undercover alien boy in Boston called The "Experiment." And don't forget to check out the new Cool Parents single Crazy If True, available know on all major music streaming services! bit.ly/crazyiftrue
01:18:19
March 04, 2020
107 - Future Ghosts
Strap in for a wild ride to the moon and back with Justy Boy and his friend Andre the Giant. Then we're bringing back Groff the Chain in what may be a display of Nick Groff's most... poetic work yet.
56:25
February 26, 2020
106 - T'Wario McFlurby
Ice cream has a new name and it's McFlurby. Listen to this episode for the return of a beloved O.G. segment: Tindergarten Cops! There are plenty of goofs to go around, bring your friends!
01:07:18
February 19, 2020
105 - Truck
I'll be honest, you're gonna love this one. Tons of truck talk. Also, stick around to the end to hear some very important phone calls! And don't forget to take our survey, the link is right on our home page: coolparents.co
01:08:05
February 12, 2020
104 - Fuzz Banjo
When you think "fuzz banjo" what comes to mind? Is it a banjo plugged in to a fuzz pedal? Incorrect. It is not. It is something far cooler. Listen to find out! Also, don't forget to take our survey! You can find the link right on the front page of our website at coolparents.co! Thank you, slimers. And remember... Bernie Sanders cares deeply about your cock.
01:02:55
February 05, 2020
103 - Cyclopean Pesci
What's it mean to pop one's pussy? You really wanna know? Well, listen to this show, you freak! We're also gonna tell you about each one of the Best Picture Oscar nominees' original concepts. You'll be surprised to hear they were quite different...
01:00:37
January 29, 2020
102 - Hard Blood: Enter the Goid
Let's have a chat about Skull & Bones & drones! We've got some great mysteries in store for you on this episode, so let's solve 'em, k?
52:11
January 22, 2020
101 - Dark Susan Rises
We're chatting about Gwyneth Paltrow's pussy candles, Air Buds, and (of course) Bigfoots! Also, The Book of 2 Chainz is back. Thank you for listening!
55:14
January 15, 2020
100 - TOOK: The Untimely Disappearance of Sexy Boy Justy Boy
Justy Boy has gone missing. Can Curtis peel back the layers of a seedy New England criminal underworld and uncover the vast conspiracy that's concealing his whereabouts? The truth will shock you...
01:29:25
January 08, 2020
Best Goofs! (Ep. 20 - 90)
Here are some of our favorite goofs spanning from episode 20 up to 90. Enjoy! See you next week for our extra special 100th episode!
01:07:49
December 31, 2019
99 - The Ufoglyist Pageant
"I got 99 episodes and this is one. Hit me."   -J.Z. Olivia pays us a visit to cover a topic we're all wild about: CRYPTID SMUT!
01:01:16
December 26, 2019
98 - Goof Dad Begins
A wild Goof Dad appears! Listen to our first Goof Dad brainstorming session and prepare for an emotional roller coaster. The guy just cannot stop goofing... and he's a judge! Later, we take a look at some interesting Tinder profiles in a brand new edition of Tindergarten Cops!
01:10:23
December 18, 2019
97 - The Blueberry Enigma
Chuck Biscuits played drums for Danzig. That's just a fun fact for you folks. Also, is Kid Rock actually a misunderstood genius? Nope. He fully sucks shit. Wanna know why? Listen to our dang show! Luv u
01:05:10
December 11, 2019
96 - Shrimp Criminal
The Bible is a little out-dated, let's just face it... It's time for a reboot! Listen as we plan our own take on the "Good Book" with a hip new all-star cast! Also discussed: electric RipStiks, butt-chugging sunlight, Kid Rock, and a masturbating ghost ape. Have fun! #rebootthebible
01:15:09
December 04, 2019
95 - Punk Suck
Confused by the title of this here episode? We are too. Help us figure it out, please. We got Tough Guy Poetry, Pervert Proverbs, and a brand new segment called Fittin' Pipes here for you folks! Enjoy!
01:04:58
November 27, 2019
94 - Web to Web
We're joined once again by Warren (AKA W.C. Brigham) to discuss Valomilk candy, Twilight tote bags, idioms, and how "real" men shake hands. Then we dive into some Tindergarten Cops! What we find may shock you... but it most likely will not.
01:37:32
November 20, 2019
93 - The Dart Cobra in "Operation Eyeball Tattoo"
This may be the most outrageous Making a Muscle Boy this world has ever witnessed. We're talkin' snake creatures and the long-awaited return of the Neck! Also, Justy Boy presents an... interesting conspiracy theory regarding John Lennon's death. Hint: it involves Stephen King?
01:04:45
November 13, 2019
92 - Mo' Ghost, Mo' Problems
This week, we're doing a little experiment! We're watching and commenting on the Ghost Adventures Halloween special: "Curse of the Harrisville Farmhouse" in which Zak and the gang investigate the house that inspired that Conjuring picture. [Ghost Adventures is property of Travel Channel. Any audio excerpts presented in this podcast are used under fair use for critique/parody.]
01:04:58
November 06, 2019
"Smorgasbord of Orbs" by Cool Parents
Happy Heckoween everybody! Here's a track about hunting GHOST from our upcoming full-length album Who Cares?
02:15
October 31, 2019
91 - Born Nasty
The return of Mad Lips! Also some chit-chat about ghosts, mummies, demons, and deep sea lake tortoises. Real spooky stuff.
57:30
October 30, 2019
90 - Sasquatch Your Back
Folks, we have a banger on our hands here. We're talking 'squatch and Missouri's Bigfoot, Momo! We've also got some Pervert Proverbs for ya, along with a couple additions to our newest segment Butter Man. Listen for the premiere of a brand new Cool Parents track, "I Got Eaten by a Bigfoot," off our upcoming album Who Cares? Thanks for listening!
01:02:22
October 23, 2019
Bonus Episode: Butter Man
Here's a quick introduction to a brand new unnamed segment in which we discuss misheard song lyrics!
24:37
October 21, 2019
89 - Dr. Killdoctor & the Dark Dork Detective Dagency
It's Ghostober and we decided to punish ourselves by watching Feardotcom! This is our live commentary. Neither of us had seen it before, so we watched it with no sound and no subtitles, relying on the video portion alone to piece together a plot. The results are very spooky! Check out our sponsor at www.mybookie.ag and use our promo code "PARENTS" to double your first deposit!
01:22:40
October 16, 2019
88 - Party in the Front, Opie in the Trunk
Hi everybody! We're here to discuss some Hosstory with ya. We're also fixin' to honk a little bobo later on in the episode, so be ready. Thanks for listening!   If you're in the New England area, come on down to Curlies Comedy Club in Rochester, NH on October 15th to see our first live podcast! Tickets are only $7 and are available here: www.bit.ly/cplivepod Check out our sponsor at www.mybookie.ag and use our promo code "PARENTS" to double your first deposit!
50:44
October 09, 2019
87 - Up Camp
We have some outstanding Pervert Proverbs to discuss, along with the return of Missed Connections! We also review some reviews of Moose (incorrectly known to some as The Fanatic) among some other fun goofs. If you're in the New England area, come on down to Curlies Comedy Club in Rochester, NH on October 15th to see our first live podcast! Tickets are only $7 and are available here: www.bit.ly/cplivepod Check out our sponsor at www.mybookie.ag and use our promo code "PARENTS" to double your first deposit!
01:08:26
October 02, 2019
86 - Small Man, Big Paws
Olivia is back with us to finish what we never started the last time she was on the show! The big question: What would Curtis' animal counterpart be in the "bear/cub" culture? Spoiler: It's probably a ghost!
01:04:05
September 25, 2019
85 - There Will Be Moose
It's time. Moose is risen. In this episode, we spoil the already rotten: Fred Durst's new film Moose (also known as The Fanatic by people who are wrong) and give our impressions. You won't want to miss it! This episode I mean, you may very well want to miss the movie. Ultimately, however, we do believe it's something you must witness at least once. It's ummm... it's really something... Justy Boy also introduces a new segment that has nothing to do with Fred Durst or John Travolta. Check it out!
01:01:16
September 18, 2019
84 - Wayne Jetski's 3D Hockey
Olivia joins us to chat a little bit about porn comments in Pervert Proverbs and we also discuss the possible celebrity couple names for her and our very own Justy Boy! Wanna know about Johnny Pelvis, ectogasm, and squishy music? We got you, homie. Thanks for listening!
01:16:41
September 11, 2019
"Run the Game" by Shark Marvelous & Hunnit Dolla Bill
A brand new club banger from famous rap superstars Shark Marvelous and Hunnit Dolla Bill. This is audio codeine. 
04:17
September 11, 2019
83 - Cleats
Justy Boy is coming out of the dog house and we're talking about a promising new Travel Channel show by the name of Strange World, the return of XFL (it's just worse football), Bernie Sanders microimpressions, 2Chainz's section, The Sex Light™, Joe's aroma, a little Joker, and Fred Durst's Moose aka The Fanatic.
01:08:46
September 04, 2019
82 - True Grint
Everything in this episode has been overshadowed by the monolith that is Thunderpants, however we do discuss Tom DeLonge's Angels & Airwaves lyrics as well as some Horse Tornado. There's a little Tindergarten Cops action as well. Enjoy!
57:45
August 28, 2019
81 - A Bad Batch of Sludge
This week's topics include: Bella Thorne [Disney -> PornHub] Anti-sex toilets/anti-fat toilets Ghost Brothers vs. the "Bad Man" Holly Madison x Zak Bagans Singer by name Jewel An exorcist rocking chair Horse toes R.L. Stine's Truman Show Green pee pee Bed pee pee Testicular evolution Thanks for listening!
01:03:37
August 21, 2019
80 - Forever Hard
Wanna hear our horoscopes? Of course you do, you won't believe their accuracy! Also, we're discussing Pervert Proverbs, chiropractors, DoorDash, and more!   Check out our sponsor, Arrowhead Extracts, HERE!
56:22
August 14, 2019
79 - Daylight Mummy
The bulk of this episode focuses on Making a Muscle Boy, in which we stage our first ever "Fatal 4-Way," which is not as sexy as it sounds, albeit still quite sexy. We also have a heck of a time talkin' Bigfoots and that weird Christian rap song from which Katy Perry allegedly stole. Thanks for tuning in!
01:11:14
August 07, 2019
78 - Monster House 1: Demon House 2
Justy Boy is a horse. End of paragraph. And speaking of Hoss, we dive into some Hosstory in this episode. We also talk Moose, prepare for Ghostober, and answer some big questions.
01:05:50
July 31, 2019
77 - Pongo Peep
We're back up in this club, swangin' our chains around, finna bust a nut! Please join us on this incredible journey. Thanks so much for listening!
57:20
July 24, 2019
Best Goofs! (Ep. 1 - 20)
Justy Boy has fallen ill, so here's a super sick compilation of some of our favorite clips from episodes 1 - 20. Check out bit.ly/cpsampler for even more! We'll be back next week with a real episode, thanks for listening and UNDERSTANDing!
55:48
July 17, 2019
76 - Milk That Moth
Justy Boy unveils a story about a boy named Curtis and his sexual encounter with the Mothman. Have your tissues ready... and I don't mean for tears. But before that, we discuss the lyrics that make up a very good rap song from former Ghost Adventurer Nick Groff in a segment called Groff the Chain. Also discussed: human cows.
01:02:54
July 12, 2019
Bonus Episode: Roll Pizza
Hey everybody! This week's episode is running a little late... (When it gets here, you better believe I'm gonna whoop its ass.) In the mean time, here's some sound for your skull holes. I'm talkin' prank phone calls and a brand new hot track from the very famous rapper Shark Marvelous! Keep an eye out for this week's main episode in the coming days. Jingus bless!
24:48
July 10, 2019
75 - The Mysteries of the Many Moons
It's time we discuss the sciences! Wanna know about rats that loooove cat piss? You came to the right place!
51:01
July 03, 2019
74 - Ghost to Ghost AM
We're joined by a special guest: Duncan, son of Gary! We discuss ghost pirates and Duncan introduces us to the wild world of NBA players' nicknames. Also, have you ever wondered how to be your own Diplo? Well, wonder no more! We have a hip hop tune to help you figure it out!
01:14:07
June 26, 2019
73 - Joe Rogan: Dolphin Mutilator
Oops! All Proverbs! We know ya'll nasty. So here's an episode that's mostly freaky video comments. We hit a few other topics, but we know you're here for the sperms n' stuff. Don't lie. Enjoy!
01:08:10
June 19, 2019
72 - #KEEPITDIDDY
It's time to start the revolution, everybody. It's time to get Diddy and stay Diddy. Join the movement, please. #KEEPITDIDDY On this episode, we talk Diddy, Bizkit, Bigfoots, 311, and the Old Testament. Then we answer some superb listener questions for you kind folks!
01:08:48
June 12, 2019
71 - Tubular Gronkowski
Much to discuss. We're talkin' Diplo, EVPs, text robots, Ripstiks, and weird-ass kids. Also, we got Tindergarten Cops and some Mad Lips if you nasty. Thanks for listening!
01:04:48
June 05, 2019
70 - Bubble Mother
"Wow, 70 whole episodes! That's just wonderful, muchacho." -Owen Wilson   This episode is gonna rattle your bones, I hope you're ready. We dive into some Missed Connections, Horoscopes, and Tough Guy Poetry. We promise you'll enjoy it, or your money back!
01:02:48
May 29, 2019
Bonus Episode: The Holy Kiss
Hey everyone! There's no new mainline episode this week, but you won't want to miss this bonus episode. You'll hear a handful of new phone calls and a brand new trap joint! We'll be back next week for episode 70, thanks for listening!
26:56
May 22, 2019
69 - A Very Funny Number
This one's Pervert Proverbs all the way down, baby! You're welcome.   Also, please share our podcast sampler with all your buds: bit.ly/cpsampler   Thank you so much!
01:19:45
May 17, 2019
68 - Thicc Wolf
We're joined in this episode by Dr. Bwett (@brett.brindamour on Instagram) to discuss the chilling realities of the Hollow Earth Theory along with some Tindergarten Cops! Please enjoy.
01:02:46
May 08, 2019
67 - A Tricky Species
You asked for it, ya perverts! This episode is loaded with bodily fluids, so be prepared.
01:01:51
May 01, 2019
66 - In the Time of Cavemans...
This week's episode is finna knock ya down! We talk Cavemans, we talk Bigfoots, we talk idioms, and we talk trucks. Please enjoy this ice cold glass of Goof Juice, courtesy of Cool Parents! Thanks for tuning in!
01:04:02
April 25, 2019
65 - Diphtheria Through Friendship
We got the scoop on black holes and vape tornadoes! In this episode, we review a whole bunch of Tinder profiles in a fresh installment of Tindergarten Cops and we answer more of your listener questions. It's a real hoot!
01:01:09
April 16, 2019
64 - Brown Snowman
Curtis recaps Wrestlemania 35, much to the chagrin of Justy Boy (the actual resident wrestling fan) and then all your burning listener questions are answered! Maybe not all of them... But at least a few.
01:12:25
April 10, 2019
63 - Hangin' Krang
Hi there, friends! We've got a fresh new spin on the old favorite Pervert Proverbs, the triumphant return of the classic You, Me & Goatee, some cooooool calls, and so much more for ya in this here episode! If you like the phone calls we do, we've gathered them all (including several previously unreleased) on a YouTube playlist you can find at bit.ly/coolcalls Don't forget to subscribe to the YouTube channel while you're there, and thanks for listening!
01:10:55
April 04, 2019
62 - Smiling Swamp Sharks
Hi everybody! Sorry we're a little late. But I think this one was worth the wait! This episode is haunted af... Beware the paranormal, because we've got ghosts on the brain!
01:00:55
March 28, 2019
61 - Lip Kiss 2 U
You like Jungle Movie? Well you're in luck! This episode contains the hit segments Tindergarten Cops and Pervert Proverbs. We also have a lot to say about Mr. Juicy J. Please enjoy, please.
01:01:41
March 20, 2019
60 - Garfield v. Terminator: Dawn of Justy Boy
Hi everybody! This here is our 60th episode. We're very proud of it. I hope you like it, and you should be sure to stick around till the end for some brand new, extra dank phone calls!
01:23:13
March 13, 2019
59 - Hungry for Ghost
Ever since we sold out and went corporate, we've just wanted more. So we tossed a couple ghost-based business ideas around. Also, 2 Chainz dropped a new album, so of course we had to take a look at some lyrics from his song "Whip" featuring country music singer Travis Scott in our returning segment, The Book of 2 Chainz. Please check out this episode's sponsor, Arrowhead Extracts, on their Instagram! Thanks for listening!
01:08:39
March 06, 2019
58 - Fudge Man at the Pizza Express
Justy Boy is sick and the energy is low, but the gags are still slammin'! We talk about Tom DeLonge, Korobeiniki, Family Values '98, and so much more. Also, listen to the world premiere of the hit rap tune Dick Like a Runt!
01:13:22
February 28, 2019
57 - Fountains of Pain: An Excess of Suplex
We're talkin' about Bigfoots! Jose Canseco and Tom Delonge join the hunt for answers. Also, Curtis gives Zak Bagans' Haunted Museum a call to get the inside scoop on various orbs, demonds, ghost, etc. After that, you're in for some real romantic Pervert Proverbs as well as the introduction of two deadly new professional wrestlers in the latest installment of Making a Muscle Boy. Thanks for listening, y'all!
01:11:01
February 20, 2019
56 - There Will Be Milk
This one's a banger, folks. We start with a little Tindergarten Cops as an appetizer, followed by an interesting phone conversation you won't want to miss, then some Groff the Chain for dessert. "Kid shits feet."
01:06:46
February 14, 2019
55 - Tang-gential
The Soupy Bowl! Gronk won! Did you know that Gronk is where Muscle Milk comes from? That's a fact. In this episode, we cruise through some Pervert Proverbs and discuss yesterday's horoscopes in an attempt to debunk the stars! Then, we perform an actual automatic writing ritual. The results are... interesting? I guess?
01:05:37
February 06, 2019
54 - Billy Wiffle
[Sorry for the audio glitches toward the end of this one... My recording interface is lousy with ghosts or something. It's really not that bad and still more than listenable, but I still feel obligated to apologize for some dumbass reason. Who cares.] In this episode we go over some fun Bostonian colloquialisms, answer some listener questions, and make a couple phone calls. It's a hoot!
01:25:13
January 30, 2019
53 - Stonk Market Snow Day
It's a snow day! So naturally, we got a little tipsy and discussed the film Snow Day. We also answered a handful of listener questions in our newly-titled segment called We Want Answers. Throw a little Hosstory in there and you got yourself a party!
01:24:41
January 23, 2019
52 - Fatback
Our friend Colby (AKA Fatback) joins us to discuss some Tindergarten Cops and some exceptional Pervert Proverbs! And you better believe we took him to school when it came time to talk Mr. Marty Lawrence.   Check out the Florida Men on Florida Man podcast at fmofm.com
01:16:22
January 15, 2019
51 - Lousy Dad Bones
You can try to skateboard with shitty bones, but don't expect to survive. Especially if you're a dad. This one's all about Hosstory and your listener questions. Enjoy!
01:04:06
January 09, 2019
50 - Chalky Studebaker: Murderballer
Happy 50th episode y'all! It's time again to talk Bluffington among other favorites. Thank you for listening, we love you!
01:30:30
January 07, 2019
Bonus Episode: Previously on Bluffington
Here's a recap of what we have planned for Bluffington, our dark reboot of the Doug universe, to get everyone up to date before we discuss season 2 of our imaginary dream show on our next episode. What we have planned is bound to shock you, so gather your yarn, thumbtacks, maps, and Polaroids and brace yourselves for an unforgettable and grim mystery:  Who Killed Beebe Bluff?
51:32
December 31, 2018
Sneaker Freaks & Sneaker Daddies
Ever heard of sneaker worship? We hadn't. Ever wondered what's in a black hole? It's snacks.
01:10:09
December 26, 2018
Cricket Bucket? Well, Shoot...
We're joined by Warren Brigham (AKA handsomecultleader on Instagram) for some goofin' on Nick Groff's exceptional hip-hop tunes and a new segment in which we determine the most likely origins of some of our most used idioms! We also discuss the implications of PornHub's "Year in Review" statistics. Turns out there's a high demand for Fortnite porn. Shoot...
01:26:57
December 19, 2018
Blue Man Centipede
Apologies for our sick (not the cool kind of sick) voices, but this one's still gonna rock ya good 'cause it's a real doozy! In this extra thicc 'sode we answer your burning questions, create some wrasslers from scratch and have them duke it out in the ring of our imaginations, and make a stunning conclusion about the future of the Blue Man Group. There's plenty more, too. Crank it up!
01:26:05
December 12, 2018
Yucky Boys Confusion
An old segment makes a triumphant return, joining Tindergarten Cops and Tough Guy Poetry in this very cool episode. Get yucky with the boys!
01:17:12
December 05, 2018
Tuna Rangoona
This one's all about those off-the-rails goofs. We answer some listener questions and browse some "Missed Connections" in a brand new segment!
01:02:09
November 28, 2018
Neck Romancer
This episode is pretty heavy on the P.O.D. so you've been warned. We also follow up on the specifics of habitat-swapping sea creatures and birds. Skysharks, oh my!
59:58
November 20, 2018
Rap Game John du Pont
We discuss the merits of artificial intelligence, a couple different bigfoots, some Tinder profiles, and some Pervert Proverbs! We also answer some very interesting listener questions.
01:16:32
November 14, 2018
Ghost Malone
On this episode, we recap our most shining moment: the appearance of our tweet on the train wreck that was #GhostAdventuresLive. I still can't believe they didn't even open that Dibbuk Box... After FOUR hours! Sheesh.
01:13:04
November 07, 2018
Full Tang
It's the end of Ghostober, so consider this episode only semi-spooky. That doesn't mean we shy away from the spooky scaries. Disturbed is bound to come up... We also discuss the word Orangutan, some spooky sex toys, and possibly reveal Whitey Bulger's killer! (Note: This episode was recorded the day before Bulger's death. No joke.)
01:03:48
October 31, 2018
Spooky Stories #3: Capone's Bones (with Julie)
Julie joins us to discuss ghost kids, ghost cats, and ghost ships in our final installment of "Spooky Stories!"
01:03:42
October 30, 2018
Johnny Hotsauce & The Goblin Cannons
Another very spooooooky episode celebrating Ghostober! Please be advised, this episode may contain David Draiman...
01:06:60
October 24, 2018
Spooky Stories #2: Lil' Meow (with Katie)
Joining us for another spooky-ass installment of our "Spooky Stories" miniseries is Katie Stone (AKA kittenwaffles). She regales us with tales of ghouls and glitches that will frighten the living piss outta ya!
01:03:37
October 22, 2018
Spooky Stories #1: Puddle of Mudvayne (with Nick and Mike)
Famous musicians Nick Avery and Mike Norton join us to discuss the paranormal in the first installation of our "Spooky Stories" miniseries!  
33:46
October 17, 2018
Heckraiser
Part 2 of the Ghoul Parents Halloween saga! For the first time ever, Justy Boy takes over as host an instantly regrets it. We talk demons and specters and wieners, etc. The usual stuff. Also, we finally hear from Justy Boy's dad! (Justy Man?) He schools us on how to catch a Bigfoot.
01:17:29
October 16, 2018
Craig's List Exorcists
It's officially the spooOooOOOoOookiest time of the year and we're ready to deliver the chills! Justy Boy's sister, friend of the show, and all-around excellent gal Jaime joins us as we recollect our spookiest memories. We also chat about our favorite Halloween movies and the most haunted places in New Hampshire. Turn off the lights and get under your covers for safety!
01:26:12
October 10, 2018
Neptune in the House
In these troubled times, we all strive for a little certainty. Is it possible we find it in the stars? Turns out, nah...
01:14:44
October 02, 2018
Bedemoned
Would you have paid real life human money to see We Bought a Zoo if Owen Wilson had starred in it? We would have. We would have hopped right into Owen's gorilla bin. You heard me right. Take a walk down the Fred Carpet as we unravel all the earth's greatest mysteries...
01:21:01
September 26, 2018
Abe's Owls
Talkin' bout good cop/sad cop, talkin' bout tough guys, talkin' bout MOOSE... Also, we answer some of your wonderful listener questions! [P.S. I'd like to formally apologize for our mouth sounds. We were too close to our mics and we are very very sorry, Thank you for your understanding.]
01:10:22
September 19, 2018
The Book of 2 Chainz
It's time for a new approach to spirituality and 2 Chainz is ready to deliver! With a very special guest, Chris Milton, whose music can be found at elyphant.bandcamp.com and greedisland.bandcamp.com
01:25:36
September 13, 2018
Fence Match
Mike Jones, 2 Chainz, Lil' Brain... All your favorite rappers are here to fuck the world and bust a nut. We also discuss Drive Angry 3D, going to the mall, and stage a fence match in heck featuring Brutal Ice, the fence match champion!
01:13:09
September 04, 2018
Edward Beetlehands
Did you know that quads are the horses of motorcycles? That's factual. Even more fun facts await within this brand new episode of somebody's favorite podcast!
01:17:34
August 28, 2018
Jacked & Tan
On this episode, expect James Van Der Beek, prank phone calls, Randy Newman, egg laying, egg stomping, mosh poetry, and No-Nut November. What a treat!
51:55
August 22, 2018
C.P. Investigates: Whisker Man
In this special investigative episode, you'll hear some horrifying eyewitness accounts of the elusive cryptid Bostonians call Whisker Man. Featuring interviewees Mulligan O'Sullivan and Jimmy Glynn.
43:44
August 22, 2018
Fear & Jeezum, Please
Jeezum Crow, this episode is full of baloney, like listener questions and spoooooooky Pervert Proverbs! Thanks for listening, homies!
47:31
August 15, 2018
Spectrophilia
What's wrong with marrying a 300 year old pirate ghost? It's 2018, who cares? Live your best life. Bone down with a Bigfoot.
01:17:46
August 08, 2018
Duke Dipples: Raptor's Delight
Pinky's back and this episode is just lousy with alternate titles, such as: An Adorable Dong II Memento 2: All The Things We Said That Corn Don't Pop! Gobblers Opposable Beard Of Squid Butane Brain Update When A Raptor Cries A Tidal Wave Of Titles Put It On My Lap Cockburn v. Riggleman When The Squatch Cries Shaloubricant    
01:35:39
August 03, 2018
Pitch Brown
On behalf of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the greater tri-state area, we hereby invite you to hang brain with T-Pain and Mulligan O'Sullivan down Gloucester at the historical go-kart courts. Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!
01:19:03
July 25, 2018
Pure Substance
Surprise! We're back and fixin' to to discuss a deceivingly named dinosaur, a cryptic message on the back of a Jeep Wrangler, and some of the many mysteries surrounding the elusive Whisker Man.
01:06:25
July 21, 2018
BONUS EPISODE: Jazz!
A raw, uncut outtake from months ago in which we spit some righteous jazz into your ear holes!
34:42
July 16, 2018
The Whisker Man Cometh
You, Me, & Goatee is back with a vengeance and a brand new segment called Mad Lips makes its remarkable debut. Beware! The Whisker Man cometh!
01:03:51
July 10, 2018
Mystery Spice
Uncle Taylor joins us to discuss stuffed animals' eyeballs, caterpillars, childhood crushes on fictional characters, sleep paralysis, and everything in between.
01:37:25
July 05, 2018
A Bullgod In A China Shop
The cure for depression, according to Kid Rock, is simple: smoke weed, eat shrimp. End of the friggin discussion.
01:08:11
June 27, 2018
Ash Wednesday In Heck
WARNING: This episode contains many ghost. Listener discretion is advised.
01:19:27
June 20, 2018
Tit Orb (ft. 2 Sleepy Boyz)
Full disclosure: we were both pretty beat when we recorded this one, so please forgive the slightly lower ENERGY. But even at our worst, we're still better than Howard Stern! Tune in for the best Pervert Proverb of all time, more on the upcoming drama series Bluffington, and witness the birth of several professional wrestlers.
01:11:37
June 13, 2018
Business Boomerangs
Brace yourselves, we're fixin' to blow the lid off of one of the biggest worldwide conspiracies of our time. Then prepare yourself for the live-action reboot you never knew you wanted: Bluffington.   Check out Elyphant's new album! elyphant.bandcamp.com & spoti.fi/2Jx6C7Q
01:32:44
June 07, 2018
Jingus Saves!
Secret societies? Sea monsters? Clint Howards? Yeah, we got those. There's something for everyone in this one.
01:31:21
May 30, 2018
Liquid Goth
If the essence of goth could be concentrated into a liquid, would you vape it? We ask the tough questions.  WARNING: This episode contains copious shouting about sports. Listener discretion is advised.
01:10:60
May 23, 2018
A Good Guy with a Car Gun
The beard does not make the man and Metallica does not make good music. Stephen A. Smith also stops by to discuss all the different kinds of sports.
01:01:33
May 18, 2018
Nacho Business
Lenny Kravitz has a pee pee that is just plain old intimidating. I mean, a force to be reckoned with. G'head, check the evidence. We also got some wacky music genres that'll keep you guessin'! 
01:09:44
May 14, 2018
Milk Dudes
A special guest named Timothy joins us in a deep and thoughtful recollection of workplace antics from a bygone era.
59:42
May 11, 2018
The Lizard List
Introducing... Shark Marvelous & Eugene Jackit! A hip-hop pairing for the ages. Also, be careful out there. There are lizards about. We're talkin' reptoids runnin' wild. PSA: Do NOT allow your children to watch Rango.
01:13:41
May 04, 2018
Joe Rogan's Mystery Ship
This one goes Groff the rails a bit, so be prepared. Owen Wilson drops in to review some gnarly goatees, oh wow! Later, we discuss going mermaid fishing with Joe Rogan on his mystery ship while tripping so hard on DMT. We emerge with a new lease on life.
01:15:21
April 29, 2018
Mystery Whip
Lots of follow-ups in this one, but we've got something for everybody! I'm talkin' Aaron Lewis, I'm talkin' goatees, I'm talkin' Deep Blue Sea, I'm talkin' anacondas... Oh, and motherfuck Jon Lovitz straight to hell.
01:22:28
April 24, 2018
An Adorable Dong
"If the eyes are the windows to the soul, the ears are buttholes to the mind."   -Ronald Reagan, on podcasts. Prepare for the brain-whoopin' of a lifetime as our special guest Pinky delivers the Goof Juice™! 
01:29:52
April 19, 2018
Big Momma IV
Crack Kills!  You asked for it...We pitch "Big Momma IV: Crack Mansion" from beginning to end. It's pure Oscar bait, obviously. 
01:16:00
April 12, 2018
Donkey Tonk Man
We explore some very obscure sub-genres of music. Also, the sun is trying to kill the Earth, but we're definitely not prepared for the apocalypse. Oh, and Big Momma makes an appearance of course.
01:06:04
April 10, 2018
The Lord's Dirt
Two-timin' in middle school is hard for us to comprehend. So are the similarities between Joseph Gordon Levitt and Jon Lovitz quotes. Also: will the Lizards take home the cup at the big game?
01:16:20
April 03, 2018
Understand: A Ghost Adventures Story
Do you believe in ghost? What about demond? In this episode, we attempt to explain all the references and jokes we regularly make to the hit paranormal TV series Ghost Adventures. You might not UNDERSTAND, but it's the only life we know.
01:12:42
March 29, 2018
My Baby's Got "The Secret"
Godsmack's "Whiskey Hangover" leads to more questions than answers as we analyze its lyrical content with discerning eyes and open hearts.
58:48
March 27, 2018
Respect the Neck
It's Philip the Neck vs. The Mean Spider in the match of the century! Rumor has it, The Dude King might be fixin' to interfere...
01:21:52
March 21, 2018
Planet Big Momma
What do UFOs, Limp Bizkit, and Martin Lawrence have in common? Nothing. Who cares.
01:19:43
March 13, 2018
Deception
We ask the aliens, "What's good, baby?" and search for our very own Tinderella.
01:03:06
March 08, 2018
Booty Quake 3: Suck My Ass
Ever wonder where the phrase "suck my ass" came from? Listen to us wonder the same thing briefly (without resolution) before moving on to important topics such as internet porn comments and mustache problems!
59:10
March 01, 2018