The Cosmic Cannibal Podcast

On April 20, 2024, Jupiter and Uranus align in earth sign Taurus, setting the stage for a potentially explosive, exciting, and electrifying weekend. A conjunction between these two cosmic juggernauts is rare—it only happens about once every 14 years—and it does, it initiates a new cycle of expansion, innovation, and breakthroughs.

In this episode of the Cosmic Cannibal Podcast, comedy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal dishes on this rare planetary transit, offering her witty and incisive insights into all things Jupiter, Uranus, and Taurus.

Join astrologer and writer Cosmic Cannibal as she hilariously breaks down February's biggest transits. In this episode, Cosmic offers her witty insights, astrological expertise, and copious rambling about Mercury, Venus and Mars in Aquarius, Back to the Future Part II, the Aquarius new moon and much more. This forecast will make you laugh out loud while also giving you the motivation you need to conquer the month ahead. Whether you're a die-hard astrology fan or just looking for a good laugh, this episode is not to be missed!

Want MORE comic astro-logic from Cosmic? Check out her:

Join snarky-yet-savvy astrologer and writer Cosmic Cannibal as she hilariously breaks down one of 2024's biggest astrology transits, Pluto in Aquarius. Cosmic guides you through all the themes, meanings, and history of Pluto in Aquarius 2024, offering her witty insights, astrological expertise, and copious rambling.

Whether you're a die-hard astrology fan or just looking for a good way to waste 25 minutes of your life, this episode is not to be missed!

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic Cannibal? 

Check out my:

In this episode, snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has YOUR weekly forecast, including her thoughts on why the Capricorn New Moon is SOOOO good for setting long-lasting goals, and how YOU can best work with the astrology of the week.

Feeling the weight of life and astrology's disappointments as you step into 2024? I get it—and I’m here to help.

In this episode, snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal dives into the astrology of the week of December 11th, 2023.

Mercury makes some sweet music with Venus, the Sun & Moon align in Sagittarius, Mercury begins its moonwalk through Capricorn, and Neptune cloaks the Sun in another dreamy fog. Don't know what any of that means? Don't worry! Cosmic Cannibal has got your back with another entertaining yet enlightening forecast for your week.

2024 is just around the corner, and there’s no better time to unleash YOUR potential!

This week's astrology focuses on relationships and depth connection, thanks to Venus and Jupiter. Snark-yet-savvy astrologer, Cosmic Cannibal has YOUR horoscope forecast for the week of Dec. 4, 2023, including all the need-to-know planetary motions and what they mean for YOU.

Is YOUR sign impacted by this week's astrology? Listen and find out!

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic Cannibal?

On Dec. 1, the planet of talk, text, and data enters earth sign Capricorn, ushering in a bevy of serious, pragmatic, and money-making thoughts. In this episode, snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal gives you the 411 on Mercury in Capricorn and what it means for your writing, thinking, career and creativity. Is YOUR sign impacted by this transit? Listen and find out.

Want to connect with Cosmic?

Talk Soup meets your Cosmo horoscope in Cosmic Gumbo, a brand new comedy / astrology / pop culture podcast featuring Gemini astrologer, Camille (aka Cosmic Cannibal), and Kansas City Leo, Katie (who is totally, 100% a Chiefs fan). No star or star sign is safe from being roasted, toasted, and tossed into this sonic dish.

In this inaugural episode, Camille and Katie discuss the highs and lows of Scorpio season, the romantic tour de force that is Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift, the zodiac signs of the King of the Hill cast, and many more random astrology weirdness.

Katie also shares her favorite weirdo Scorpio and Sagittarius celebrities in her "freaky forecast." Listen for laughs, stay for the dish.

Want more Cosmic Cannibal? Check out the astrologer on:

What do the stars have in store for you this round of Gemini season?

Join snarky-yet-savvy astrologer and writer Cosmic Cannibal as she breaks down this season's biggest transits, from the Sagittarius full moon, to Mercury in Gemini and everything in between. Cosmic guides you through all the major planetary transits for Gemini season 2023, offering her witty insights, astrological expertise, and copious rambling. Whether you're a die-hard astrology fan or just looking for a good laugh, this episode is not to be missed!

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic Cannibal?

In this week's episode, your host Cosmic Cannibal dives deep into the cosmic currents that are set to take over in the coming week. With Mercury stationing direct in Taurus on May 14th, Jupiter entering Taurus on May 16th, a Taurus New Moon on May 19th, Mars entering Leo on May 20th, and the Sun entering Gemini and Mars opposing Pluto on May 21st, there's no shortage of celestial action to keep an eye on. Join the sometimes snarky, always savvy Gemini host as she breaks down these transits and what they mean for your life and the world at large. It's a horoscope you won't wanna miss!

What do the stars have in store for you this May 2023?

Join snarky-yet-savvy astrologer and writer Cosmic Cannibal as she hilariously breaks down this month’s biggest transits, from the Scorpio lunar eclipse, to Jupiter in Taurus and Mars in Leo. These May horoscopes will make you laugh out loud while also giving you the motivation you need to conquer the month ahead. Cosmic guides you through all the major planetary transits for May 2023, offering her witty insights, astrological expertise, and copious rambling. Whether you're a die-hard astrology fan or just looking for a good laugh, this episode is not to be missed!

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic Cannibal?

On March 7, 2023, Saturn entered Pisces for the first time in 30 years. Needless to say, this is a monumental transit, and Cosmic Cannibal has you covered. In this episode, the snarky-yet-savvy astrologer dives deep into the meaning and role of Saturn in astrology, uncovering the truth about Saturn Returns before exploring the ins and outs of this rare Saturn in Pisces transit and what it means for the mutable zodiac signs.

What does it mean when Venus is in Aquarius? How is this Cancer full moon going to affect your zodiac sign? Snarky yet savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal doesn't really answer these questions, but on this episode of Cosmic Chronicles, she does talk about Venus in Aquarius celebrities Oprah and Sporty Spice, and the important transits happening on the Cancer full moon, as well as DraftKings and whether or not Santa Claus is a Sagittarius. So, it’s a fun one!

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic Cannibal?

Mercury & Venus are saying buh-bye to Sagg, the Moon is getting swole, and both Jupiter & Neptune are butting heads with Mercury. Your fave snarky-yet-savvy astrologer, Cosmic Cannibal is here for it ALL. She’s also got your horoscope for the week of Dec. 5, which includes those transits, as well as gratuitous talk about 90s pop, Sweden’s contribution to music, her regrets about getting bangs, oh–and new background tunes. It’s a helluva episode and you don’t wanna miss it.

After a long hiatus, your favorite snarky-yet-savvy astrologer is back with a bang. In this episode, Cosmic Cannibal has your oh-so funny forecast for 2022 Venus in Sagittarius, a transit that’s sure to light a fire under your butt worse than a Fiery Doritos Locos Taco from Taco Bell. Of course, what that ass-flame is prompting you to do (besides run to the toilet), depends on what Cosmic has written for your sign’s satiriscope. There’s lots of info, lots of disco and lots of hilariously absurd rambling about, well, everything.

The Sun has entered Virgo and Cosmic Cannibal has your forecast for it. In this short episode, your favorite snarky-yet-savvy (and oh-so self-obsessed) Gemini astrologer reports on all the transits happening this 2022 Virgo SZN, including: The Virgo new moon, Mercury retrograde, Venus in Virgo and more! There’s lots of info, lots of disco and lots of hilariously absurd rambling about, well, everything.

Summer’s hottest transit for love has arrived, and snarky-yet-savvy Gemini astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has your hilarious horoscopes for it. In this episode, an over-caffeinated Cosmic explains why 2022 Venus in Leo is THE transit to bring more self-love into your life and why these next few weeks are gonna be great hair days. There are also gratuitous mentions of: Geri Halliwell, Bridgerton and the Will Smith bitch slap--oh, and plenty of disco muzak. (Cuz that’s Cosmic’s fave…)

It's here, the grandest new moon of 2022. Snarky-yet-savvy Gemini astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has EVERYTHING you need to know about it, including the muy importante transits leading up to and following the new moon annnnd... horoscopes! Plus, there's disco muzak, copious ramblings and a few transits put in scene. That's right, Cosmic channels her inner thespian. Needless to say, it's an episode you don't wanna miss.

It’s here. The most show-stopping transit of the year: LEO SEASON. And snarky-yet-savvy Gemini astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has your Cosmic Weather Forecast for it. (Plus, she rambles a bit about various Leo celebs and about what makes the fire sign so darn great but also slightly insufferable.) Oh, and there’s lots of disco muzak, so that's cool. 

The love planet is at it again! This time, she’s sliding into Cancer’s DM and giving us all a romantic and financial transit to remember. (At least until Aug. 11.) In this episode, snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has your horoscope for 2022 Venus in Cancer, including special  dates for the transit and great disco muzak tracks. Hey-oh!

What do Jim Carrey, Donna Summer, Jeff Besos and the Milwaukee Bucks have in common? They’re all Capricorns! (Except for the Bucks.) They’re also all a part of the report on the 2022 Capricorn full moon. In this hilariously absurd episode, snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal talks in depth about the supermoon lunation and why it is so dang potent for manifesting. Included also are some great disco muzak tracks and copious existential ramblings. 

On July 5, Mars and Mercury make major moves and snarky-yet-savvy #Gemini astrology Cosmic Cannibal has your forecast for BOTH. In this episode of the comedy astrology podcast, Cosmic rambles about 2022 Mars in Taurus and Mercury in Cancer and why one makes go after Golden Corral coupons and the other makes us sensitive AF. Included also are horoscopes for BOTH transits, along with a special appearance from notable quasi-Jamaican psychic Miss Cleo. Need we say more?

It's here, another new moon and snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has a very special new moon listicle / transit report for it. Cosmic also gives you all the details on retrograde Neptune in Pisces, including but not limited to: what it means and why some signs are filing a class cation lawsuit against the outer planet. Intrigued? You should be. 

Cancer season is in full swing, but do YOU know what this season has in store for you? Cosmic Cannibal does. The snarky-yet-savvy and oh-so self-involved astrologer has your Cosmic Weather Forecast full of all the transits happening this 2022 Cancer season, INCLUDING Venus in Gemini. There are also generous helpings of disco muzak and a fair bit of shade being thrown on Tom Hanks (you'll see why).

What do Smokey the Bear and Emeril Lagasse have in common? They’re both a part of this extra spicy and extra satirical horoscope for the 2022 Sagittarius full moon. In this jam-packed episode, snarky-yet-savvy astrologer, Cosmic Cannibal explains what the lunation is about and all the revelations that (should) come with it. And yes, Smokey and Emeril make an appearance, but not in the way you’d expect…

What better way to kick off season 3 than with a forecast of Gemini season? Join snarky astrologer Cosmic Cannibal (a Gemini herself) in another hilariously absurd episode of the astrology podcast, where she gives you the low down on all the transits happening this Gemini season and what this time of year means for your chart and sign. There are also gratuitous references to both Tone Loc and Tony the Tiger, as well as copious amounts of lush disco music. So....yeah.

On April 30, Eclipse Season begins with a solar eclipse in Taurus. Are you prepared for what these lunations have in store for you? In this final episode of the astrology podcast, snarky-yet-savvy astrologer extraordinaire, Cosmic Cannibal, gives you the lowdown on 2022 eclipse season, including how to survive it. Well, sort of. Mostly, she just talks about the transits--Venus conjunct Jupiter, Pluto Retrograde, Neptune trine Lunar Eclipse--and the eff those mean for you during this next round of eclipses. 

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic? Check out Cosmic on her website, cosmiccannibal.com.

This episode originally aired as part of the subScribe Podcast. 

Music Credits:

Mars and the Moon come together (not really) to make for an active weekend, and snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has your forecast for it all. In this episode of the comedy astrology podcast, Cosmic rambles about 2022 Mars in Pisces (and why it kinda sucks) as well as the Libra full moon (ditto the prior parenthetical). She also talks a bit about the romantic compatibility of Gemini and Libra and–this is the best part–there’s a special appearance from the one-and-only Tony the Tiger. It’s a hilarious and odd episode that’s sure to get you lol’ing. Plus, there's lots of disco muzak... 

This episode originally aired as part of the subScribe podcast

MUSIC CREDITS:

Yep, Venus has entered Pisces and snarky astrologer Cosmic Cannibal is here to tell you what the hell that means and why you should care. In this episode of the one-and-only comedy astrology podcast, Cosmic covers all aspects of Venus in Pisces, from the love planet's rulerships and Pisces' fetishes, to that oh-so ~fancy~ exaltation. Oh, and did we mention there are extended Venus in Pisces horoscopes? Because there are extended Venus in Pisces horoscopes. And disco muzak. Lots and lots of disco muzak...  

To read the O.G. horoscope article, visit https://cosmiccannibal.com/

MUSIC CREDITS:

Ready for an ambition resurrection? The 2022 Aries new moon is sure to revive and reanimate your goals, and snarky-yet-savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has your hilarious horoscope for how. In this episode, Cosmic reports on everything you need to know about the 2022 Aries new moon, from all the transits (including the Chiron conjunction), to why it’s an effing perfect day to start anew. There’s also gratuitous rambling about Aries Mariah Carey, ranting about Will “bitch slap” Smith, and plenty of groovy disco muzak. It's sorta like Chaucer's General Prologue for the astrological new year. 

MUSIC CREDITS:

Predicting the future is hard work, which is why snarky yet savvy astrologer Cosmic Cannibal doesn't do that. She especially doesn't do that in this episode of the humorous astrology podcast, which reports on all that's happening on and around the 2022 Virgo full moon. Did the full moon already happen? Yeah, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't heed Cosmic's coverage of the lunation. There's also some hilarious (and deliberately vague) horoscopes for each of the 12 zodiac signs and upbeat #disco muzak. Need we say more?

A version of this podcast originally aired as part of the subScribe podcast. 

Music Credits:

What do Dua Lipa, Abraham Hicks, Cinderella and Ayahuasca have in common? They’re all part of this wacky, whimsical and slightly satirical horoscope for the March 2022 Pisces New Moon. In this short and sweet report, snarky astrologer Cosmic Cannibal tells you everything you need to know about the new moon and why it’s a primo night for making wishes. 

MUSIC CREDITS:

Get ready to dive into your feeling these coming weeks, because it’s finally Pisces Season. In this episode of the astrology podcast, snarky-yet-savvy astrology satirist Cosmic Cannibal has your hilarious forecast for Pisces season 2022. Join her as she reports on all this season’s transits, including, but not limited to: Venus conjunct Mars, the Pisces New Moon, Venus/Mars in Aquarius and the Virgo Full Moon. There's also gratuitous crying (hey, Cosmic is a Pisces Moon, layoff), upbeat disco muzak and some jazz. Need we say more?

After a rather long break, snarky-yet-savvy astrology satirist Cosmic Cannibal is back and has your February forecast covered. In this episode of the astrology podcast, Cosmic reports on all the planetary transits taking place this month, including, but not limited to: Mercury in Aquarius, the Leo Full Moon and Pisces season. There's also horoscopes for each of the 12 zodiac signs and upbeat #disco muzak. Need we say more?

This episode originally aired on the subScribe podcast. 

To read more astrology articles and horoscopes like this, visit https://cosmiccannibal.com/

Music Credits:

After a brief holiday break, snarky astrologer Cosmic Cannibal is back with a bang--and a bang-up forecast for 2022 Aquarius season. In this short and sweet episode, Cosmic covers all the transits happening this Water Bearer season, from Mars in Capricorn and Mercury in Aquarius, to the Aquarius New Moon and much, much more. 

So...this is what, like, the first episode of season 3 or something? Yeah, sure. Just listen to it. You won't be disappointed. 

This episode is based on an article published in The Scribe. 

Music Credits:

• "Stringed Disco" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
• "Over Cast" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
• "Disco Medusae" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

A full moon, a Jupiter trine, and lots of Venus action make for an active astrology weekend, and Cosmic Cannibal has your forecast for ALL OF IT. That’s right, in this episode of the astrology podcast, Cosmic gives you the lowdown on all the transits taking place this weekend, from the Gemini Full Moon and its lucky trine with Jupiter, to Venus conjunct Pluto ANNNNND Venus Retrograde. Plus, she explains why synchronicity is to be expected and also why she–and you–should not, under any circumstances get Dakota Johnson-inspired fringe. (That last bit will make more sense when you listen.) If that doesn’t whet your appetite, maybe the upbeat and slightly out-of-place disco muzak will?

Predicting what's gonna happen in the universe during the holidays can be difficult (what with all the raging family gatherings and whatnot), but fret not! Snarky-yet-savvy astrology satirist Cosmic Cannibal has your cosmic weather forecast covered. In this episode of Cosmic Chronicles, Cosmic reports on all the astrological transits for December 2021 and January 2022, including (but not limited to): Venus retrograde, Mercury retrograde (yes, there’s another one), the Gemini Full Moon, the Capricorn New Moon, the Cancer Full Moon, Jupiter in Pisces, and much, much more. Bonus: there's upbeat #disco muzak and #smoothjazz. Need we say more?

Eclipse season starts on Nov. 19 and snarky yet savvy astrology satirist Cosmic Cannibal has you covered. Cosmic talks about what the eff an eclipse is and how these emotionally revelatory lunations catapult you to your destiny, and why manifesting during this time is a big no-no. Bonus: there's upbeat disco muzak, chillhop, and of course, HOROSCOPES. Need we say more?

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic Cannibal? Check out her website at www.cosmiccannibal.com and be sure to grab yourself a copy of her book, The Zodiac Abstract, available on cosmiccannibal.square.site

This episode also aired on the subScribe Podcast and is based off an article published in The Scribe (scribe.uccs.edu). 

Music Credits:

What do Scarlett Johanssen and LeBron James have in common? Absolutely nothing, as Cosmic Cannibal discovers in this surprisingly explicit episode about Venus in Capricorn. By “surprisingly explicit”, we mean there is gratuitous use of the f word and the s word and the c word (commitment) in this pop-culture heavy horoscope. And by “pop culture” we mean there are odd references to Scrooge McDuck, Urkel, Shark Tank, and Martha Stewart. If that doesn’t get you hot enough, maybe the disco muzak will?

This episode is based on an article published in The Scribe, which you can read on Cosmic’s website www.cosmiccannibal.com.

MUSIC CREDITS:

"Stringed Disco" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

"Disco Medusae" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Can feelings fuel transformation? Snarky astrologer Cosmic Cannibal sure thinks so (in this week’s episode at least), and it’s all thanks to the 2021 New Moon in Scorpio. With a little help from Uranus, Mercury, and Venus, the emotionally-charged lunation sets the stage for new beginnings and ch-ch-changes. What those ch-ch-changes are depends on your horoscope. (What? You thought we were just gonna tell ya? No way!) If the horoscopes aren’t enough bait, you should know there’s also some rad disco and funk muzak. So, you can also have a dance party while you're bawling your eyes out and wishing your life was different...

This episode is based on an article published in The Scribe, which you can read on Cosmic’s website www.cosmiccannibal.com.

MUSIC CREDITS:

"Stringed Disco" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

October is alive with planetary progrades and snarky, sometimes satirical astrology expert Cosmic Cannibal has them all covered. Planets Mercury, Jupiter, and Saturn have stationed direct, and Cosmic explains what the heck it all means for you and your zodiac sign. Annnd not to spoil it or anything, but there are also horoscopes. Lots and lots--OK, like, 12 --horoscopes, but they're really good!

Want more from Cosmic? visit her totally tubular website, www.cosmiccannibal.com and follow her on Instagram (@cosmiccannibalcamille)

This episode originally aired as part of the subScribe podcast. 

Music Credits:

"Stringed Disco" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

"Over Cast" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Get ready for an emotionally raw week. The waxing Moon is magnifying all our fiercest feelings and moving towards our 10th Full Moon of the year, this one in cardinal fire sign Aries. That’s right, the 2021 Aries Full Moon takes place on Oct. 20 and snarky yet savvy astrology satirist Cosmic Cannibal has your horoscope, complete with upbeat disco muzak and chit chat. It’s an episode you won’t want to miss.

Major changes are on the horizon and Cosmic Cannibal has you covered in this short and sweet episode. The snarky and sometimes satirical astrologer has your mashup horoscopes for this week’s most important transits: the life-changing Libra New Moon and love-enhancing Venus in Sagittarius. It’s a double whammy of a good time, complete with disco music annnd did I mention MASHUP HOROSCOPES??

It happens three times a year, and Mercury has once again stationed retrograde. This time it's circling backwards through Libra, and Cosmic has everything you could ever possibly need to know about the three week transit, including (and especially) HOROSCOPES. If you want to prevent cracking your iPhone in half and accidentally sending a thirst trap to your cousins, then this episode is for you.

In the mood for a quickie? Cosmic Cannibal has you covered with this short horoscope for the Pisces Full Moon. The saucy yet savvy astrologer talks about Spiderman, disco music, and her rickety bones. It's an enlightening episode you won't want to miss.