Couple Collective
By Julian A. Lewis II
Couple CollectiveNov 25, 2019
019: Just Em & Me with a season 2 recap
On this episode of Couple Collective, Emily and I recap the second season of Couple Collective. Below I've highlighted what we discussed, so feel free to jump ahead (only on Spotify mobile):
- (0:55) - Emily discusses her favorite parts of season 2
- (08:20) - I discuss what I felt was missing from season 2 (mainly having more experts like Sean!) - let me know your thoughts
- (09:25) - Em and I talk about where our relationship is and why we felt it was been great for us to have a longer engagement
- (15:25) - We recap our feelings coming out of the last two weddings we attended
- (18:18) - I want to thank you for listening and Emily for supporting me. Please send me your feedback on the podcast
This particular episode was recorded at my crib in Albany, after my in home consultation with StudioPod. If you are local to the Bay check them out; if not, but want editing love. help with your show notes or how to set up your in home studio, they can help you out too. As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If you find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
018: A couple who moves at their own pace together
On this episode of Couple Collective, I'm pumped to speak with two of my best friends, Katie and Matt. I've known Matt since before kindergarten (Tiger Cubs stand up), and I met Katie at our first job out of college. I take credit for the two of them getting together, but in all reality, I just put two great people in the same room and they've done the rest.
Both in their mid 30's, they've been together for over 10 years, and have always beat to the sound of their own drum. I've learned from them to enjoy the moment that you're currently in, together with your partner vs. rushing to check the next box. Additionally, have a strong understanding of your strengths and that of your partners, and you'll be able to better communicate and work together.
If you are interested in a particular topic we discussed, below I’ve included time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead (only on Spotify mobile)
- (01:13) - What happens when you put two great people in a room together - ‘Julian was the one that actually made it happen.’
- (07:59) - ‘We were fairly slow on our relationship path but always on the same page.’ - in reference to their relationship journey
- (11:47) - ‘Eventually, we would move in together but it was not a rushed factor at that point.’ - they moves to a new city together without moving in with one another
- (13:50) - How their relationship transitioned into an engagement - ‘When he did propose, I was really surprised cause I thought we would have another conversation or two to solidify like, this is going to happen.’
- (22:14) - ‘We were looking towards like the big picture, how does this benefit his career and our lifestyle in the future.’ - When Matt went to school
- (26:46) - Before moving to Austria they took a cultural personality test, and it turned out to help them to understand how they each thinking about planning
- (37:45) - Katie explaining the challenge of having to communicate with a partner when you are an introvert
- (41:20) - What Katie & Matt hope to learn from other couples
This particular episode was recorded at my crib in Albany, after my in home consultation with StudioPod; they also edited the episode. If you are local to the Bay check them out; if not, but want editing love. help with your show notes or how to set up your in home studio, they can help you out too. As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If you find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
017: An individual who now sees the beauty on the other side of commitment - Annie
On this episode of Couple Collective, I interview another individual, Annie. She is a single, 39 year old female, who used to see commitment as a constraint, a tether or even restrictive. Her phobia of commitment was not specific to relationships, but also with everything else. Fortunately for her, she had been "lucky in love", she just preferred to focus on her and do things she felt she may not have been able to do when solo. As she sees "the beauty on the other side of commitment" through the people she surrounds herself with, she now yearns for that commitment more now than ever before.
If you are interested in a particular question we are asked, I’ve updated the notes to include time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead.
- (01:50) - Annie’s relationship history: ‘I’ve been really lucky in love'
- (03:18) - "I spent a couple years licking my wounds on that one" - Annie describes the closest she got to getting married
- (06:57) - I ask Annie: "Do you feel like you are in purgatory, and what exactly does that mean?"
- (09:12) - Do you need to be married? - Annie describes her fierce independence and how she used to see commitment as a constraint
- (11:58) - "I've done a lot of cool shit; I’ve gotten to do some stuff that I could only have done flying solo"
- (15:00) - "Even if it's 150% I know in my gut in my heart it's the right person, I think I will still be scared; that's okay, I can push through that"
- (18:48) - What would you say to someone who’s female, and 30? - "worrying doesn’t do a whole lot of good... you're wasting precious energy and time" AND "if you have the resources, or if you don't, try to get the resources to freeze your eggs"
This particular episode was recorded and edited by StudioPod in San Francisco; you can tell the quality is a vast improvement from my earlier episodes. If you are local to the Bay check them out; if not, but want editing love and help with your show notes, they can help you out too.
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If you find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
016: An individual who was in a relationship for a quarter of his life - TJ
On this episode of Couple collective, I interview an individual rather than a couple. TJ is the founder of Studio Pod, a podcasting studio in San Francisco where I have been recording the latest episodes. He discusses being married to someone he was in a relationship with for a quarter of his life and how he bounced back. Tune in and learn why being selfless and not putting your needs and wants upfront might actually be harmful, and how timing plays a key role when getting involved with a new person.
If you are interested in a particular topic we discussed, below I’ve included time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead (only on Spotify)
- (02:47) - On TJ’s current relationship status and his former marriage: “I think when I ended and I moved back, that was kind of like the scariest thing to think about is like… starting over”
- (06:08) - TJ elaborates on what he means by saying he was "aggressively single"
- (09:20) - I ask TJ, "Did you not know who you were in your last relationship?", and he provides his family and friends thoughts
- (17:02) - Why does timing matter?
- (21:29) - “I see myself as like a piece of clay, and I can mold myself to the person that I am with [...] and it gets me in trouble.”
- (23:04) - What do you want to take from a platform like Couple Collective? - “I just want to know how couples deal with adversity”
This particular episode was recorded and edited by StudioPod in San Francisco; you can tell the quality is a vast improvement from my earlier episodes. If you are local to the Bay check them out; if not, but want editing love and help with your show notes, they can help you out too. As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If you find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
015: A couple who goes from puppy love to forever love together - Alyssa & Ryan
On this episode of Couple Collective, I had the pleasure to chat with a couple that has been together since 6th grade, Alyssa and Ryan. Not only have they been homies with Emily since elementary school, they have become a couple Em and I love to spend time with. Alyssa and Ryan had that instant puppy love from youth; they were separated in high-school and college but have back together for some time, recently getting engaged! Tune in to learn how they communicate effectively and powered through obstacles with the weight of their joint friends and close knit families on their shoulders.
If you are interested in a particular topic we discussed, below I’ve included time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead (only on Spotify)
- (05:27) - “I honestly was on one path she was on her own and no way that I think that our journeys would reconnect”
- (11:38) - Fast forward to the last 7 years, how has the relationship evolved to engagement point?
- (16:40) - How do you guys deal through tough times or when having those tough conversations? - “Always trying to be honest whenever that communication happens”.
- (25:17) - On wedding planning: "Make sure you’re happy doing it. The process can be a struggle but, you know, love the struggle”.
- (30:14) - What you've love to earn from other couples
This particular episode was recorded and edited by StudioPod in San Francisco; you can tell the quality is a vast improvement from my earlier episodes. If you are local to the Bay check them out; if not, but want editing love and help with your show notes, they can help you out too. As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If you find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
014: A couple who goes through a miscarriage together - Court & Pax
On this episode of Couple Collective, Courtney & Paxton come back to discuss the miscarriage they went through together. I've listened to this episode many times before publishing and it's gut wrenching every time. I am extremely thankful to the two of them for being brave enough to tell their story. When it comes to miscarriages, unfortunately no one talks about it, which made going through it that much harder for Courtney. I created the hashtag #NoOneTalksAboutIt with hopes that more people share tough times they go through.
In the episode, Courtney discussed searching the web for stories; among those resources she found was the IG account @ihadamiscarriage and the book 'Like a Mother' by Angela Garbes
If you are interested in a particular topic we discussed, below I’ve included time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead (only on Spotify).
- (2:05) - Miscarriage was never in my brain… it was more about, can I get pregnant
- (4:55) - Courtney tells Pax she is pregnant
- (6:51) - Court & Px see a heart beat for the first time
- (10:54) - Court & Pax tell their families with some feeling of guilt because of how quickly they got pregnant
- (14:38) - Court & Pax go to the doctor and she is unable to see a heartbeat - "you go into this and the absolute last thing on your mind is anything negative"
- (24:59) - #NoOneTalksAboutIt - "All I wanted was to hear other people’s stories; I spent my nights looking up, 'I had a miscarriage stories' just to not feel alone"
- (32:04) - The second we get pregnant I want to tell everyone... I don’t want to feel like I am going through it alone again
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
013: A couple who recalibrate via counseling together - Mary & Chris
On this episode of Couple Collective, I interview a couple who recalibrate through counseling together. Chris was my college roommate and is now one of my best friends. He and his finance (now wife), Mary, discuss how they came out of the gates with NRE (new relationship energy), but when Chris pumped the breaks, they sought out counseling to recalibrate. This episode was recorded in August 2018 just before they got married on 9/1/19.
If you are interested in a particular topic we discussed, below I’ve included time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead (only on Spotify).
- (0:59) - How Chris & Mary met
- (10:10) - Chris asks Mary if she'll go to Hawaii with him on their first date; she says 'no'
- (16:32) - Chris discusses new relationship energy, why he pumped the breaks
- (19:53) - "Is this going to be like Carrie & Big?" - Mary describes the social pressures she encountered
- (35:22) - "Do we break up or do we go to counseling" - Chris & Mary discuss going to counseling
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
012: A couple who prepares to partner together - Em & Me
On this episode of Couple Collective, Sean Holcombe, our neighbor and the Couple Collective resident therapist, interviews Emily and me. Coming off our engagement, Sean offered to flip the script and host. No questions were shared in advance, and both Em and me were expecting a fluffy ‘How did the engagement go down’ type conversation. Instead, Sean grabbed questions from his wife Bekah’s pre-marital counseling book (she is a Rabbi and meets with couple pre marriage).
If you are interested in a particular question we are asked, I’ve updated the notes to include time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead.
- (2:11) - "Why get married?" - (link to our engagement video)
- (10:19) - "Are there certain things you're looking forward to once you're married?"
- (12:04) - "What are some of your short term and longer term goals for your marriage?"
- (17:00) - "What are your ideas around conflict? How do you deal with it" - Reference Bill Ramsey's 'Total Money Make Over' & Harville Hendrix 'Getting the Love You Want' + 1440 Multiversity
- (23:32) - "Are there other business goals we have as a part of our marriage?"... Ayesha Curry shout out
- (27:50) - Wants & Needs: "How do we fight fair for the things that are important to us?"
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
011: Just me - season 2 introduction and preview
On this episode of Couple Collective, I kick off season 2 by provide what's the same with the format and what's new. I also give a preview of episode 12, where Sean Holcombe, our neighbor and the Couple Collective resident therapist, interviews Emily and me, episode 13, where I feature a couple who recalibrate via counseling (Chris & Mary) and episode 14, where Court & Pax come back to speak about the miscarriage they went through.
It's a quick 7:30 episode, but If you are more interested in a particular update, I’ve updated the notes to include time stamps that you can click on to jump ahead.
- (0:32) - Couple Collective is back - what has not changed and what has changed
- (1:47) - Preview of episodes 12, 13 & 14
- (2:46) - A few life updates; we bought our house and got engaged (check out the video of our engagement)
- (5:10) - What do you want to see and hear from Couple Collective?
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. If I’m bringing value, please subscribe and share with those that may pull value from this as well. If find value in the idea behind Couple Collective, but feel I am missing the mark, please let me know what you would like to see and hear. Much Love!
010: Expert Guest - Sean Holcombe, MFT and I discuss The New I Do by Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson
You can grab your copy of the New I Do in the library www.couplecollective.com/library. If you do read it, I would love to hear your thoughts. As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Much Love!
009: Just me - I self reflect about what I’ve learned to date
Between now and next time, check out the library (couplecollective.com/library), where I recommend books that I've read or have been recommended to me. As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Much Love!
008: A couple who started as friends together - Court & Pax
In the 8th episode of Couple Collective, I interviewed two of my favorite people, Court & Pax. Pax (aka Earl) and I have known each other since Pop Warner football; we both met Court in college. Part 1 captures the story of how they transitioned from a friendship to a partnership. Additionally, we discuss the unique way they celebrated their wedding. Court & Pax will be coming back for a Part 2, to dive deep into challenges they've faced with pregnancy. As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Much Love!
007: A couple who matures together - Erin & Matt
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Much Love!
006: Expert Guest - Sean Holcombe, MFT and I talk about relationships
Following my conversation with Sean, he suggested I read, The New "I Do" by Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson (affiliate link - https://amzn.to/2Ksw63u). He and I will discuss on a future episode.
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Please suggest a topic you would like for Sean and I to discuss next. Much Love!
005: A couple who sacrifices together - my parents
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Much Love!
004: Part 2 - A couple who aligns on finances together - Jack & Jess
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Much Love!
003: A couple who aligns on finances together - Jack & Jess part 1
As always, you can continue to engage beyond the podcast on the website www.couplecollective.com and via our social channels @couplecollective; I want to hear your stories and your feedback. Much Love!
002: Just me - my journey and The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz