Mindful Dating

My life would have been completely different if I had asked myself these questions all the way back in 2001! Of course hindsight + 22 years of personal growth is 20/20 but if I can help you NOT invest in a toxic relationship that leads to self-abandonment - the earlier the better!! In this episode, I offer 5 filters to run your relationship through to make sure it’s at least “level 1” healthy. There are other things to consider but if these 5 things are in your relationship, you better be pulling the fire alarm to either talk it out or get out!

Here are some quotes from the episode:

• Texting takes 3 seconds.
• An unstirred pot takes the nutrients and “good stuff” and puts it at the bottom. So when you want some nutritious, life giving energy, you’re getting the watered down version. Stirring the pot is the work that needs to be done regularly to keep it fresh, rich, and wholesome.
• There is no amount of encouragement from you that will get them to change into the person you want them to be. Your delusion of who they are is on you. It’s because you don’t respect the person that they actually are.
• If you aren’t seeing emotional connection improving each time that you’re getting together, it is not and will not be available for you in the future.
• I fully understand if you have parts that are very proud of yourself for working hard and making the relationship “work”! However, no amount of time or effort will get them to see your real worth.

In my interview with Stacy, she shares her journey through a limiting, people-pleasing childhood that sets the stage for being invisible and taken advantage of in her marriage. Seeing and naming red flags was a strength of Stacy’s and although aware of her needs, her internal confidence, loyalty, and hope for a better future kept her exhausted and dismissed for 21 years. Stacy’s honest and reflective story will resonate with a lot of us! Some insightful comments Stacy made are:

• “In a Greek family, girls are expected to stay at home with the mom.”
• “He always came off very confident and classy.”
• “I felt invisible and it bothered me but I didn’t want to be the possessive, insecure girlfriend.”
• “When I wanted to talk about something, I wasn’t allowed to.”
• “That’s when I started to really see red flags and I wanted to postpone the wedding.”
• “There was a porn addiction going on.”
• “I fell into the empath trap of…turn the other cheek. Our faith teaches us to have compassion, empathy, and forgive.”
• “There was always something that he would sell me on…when is it ever enough?”
• “I have a voice in my family now.”
• “I haven’t settled and I don’t want to settle.”
• “I’m all over this love-bombing situation.”

We hope you enjoy hearing about Stacy's story. If you feel a special curiosity or connection with Stacy or have any general comments, concerns, or suggestions, please either contact me through my website of www.DatingIRL.net, this podcast's post on my social media pages: IG: @dating_i.r.l or @the_mindful.dating_coach, Facebook: @DatingIRLChicago, or Linked In: Dating IRL or you can write me at larissa@DatingIRL.net with details. Thank you so much!

Sam & John join me in our first panel discussion. We ask and discuss the following questions: 

1. Why do so many people in online dating tend to misrepresent what they look like through their photos that they post online?
2. Is it better to get your foot in the door and risk having them walk out on you, be angry, or not get a chance at all?
3. How and when should one bring up chronic illness to who they’re dating?
4. How can I stop catastrophic thinking?
5. How do you find that balance of the healthy masculine and feminine energy in the pursual?

And make some great comments, including the following: 

In this wide-ranging interview, Sam and I talk about his wild journey to find his true self.  From becoming a parent while a Military Policeman in the Army to enjoying the embraces received from both men and women in his local Cuddle Club, Sam walks us through how he took a hard look at his needs and his struggles and have actively searched for solutions and fulfillment. Some powerful comments Sam made in the interview are:

• “It looks like the purpose of dating is to have sex.”
• “Things started to devolve quickly.”
• “[I did] a self-inventory [to figure out] who I am, what I want, and how to get it!”
• “I just came out to my son!”
• “I have been touch starved for many years and that contributes to my depression.”
• “It’s been so freeing to step off the relationship escalator and just show up for each other.”
• “That level of intimacy & vulnerability is something I really love and am leaning into.”
• “Where are you right now and how do we explore this connection?”

I have known Sam for a couple of months now and his thirst for honest and open-minded dialogue, support for others’ in their journey, and openness to vulnerability is always incredibly refreshing. I am very excited to post this interview and know there is a follow up interview in our future!

We hope you enjoy hearing about Sam's story. If you feel a special curiosity or connection with Sam or have any general comments, concerns, or suggestions, please either contact me through my website of www.DatingIRL.net, this podcast's post on my social media pages: IG: @dating_i.r.l or @the_mindful.dating_coach, Facebook: @DatingIRLChicago, or Linked In: Dating IRL or you can write me at larissa@DatingIRL.net with details. Thank you so much!

This episode is a follow-up from my last interview with Susan. Among the many difficult things she shared, the challenge that having a child with special needs presented in her marriage broke my heart. I know the responsibilities of parenting a child with special needs are heavy and taxing, not from my own parenting journey but from having been a part of a once-close friend/family’s journey with a child with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and the countless students over the years with needs of all kinds, from Tourettes to blindness and everything in between. I feel grateful and changed for the better because I’ve been blessed with these children in my life. I have witnessed a deep level of resiliency, self-awareness, determination, kindness, compassion, generosity, acceptance, gratitude, perspective, and thoughtfulness in not only the children but in their parents as well. And this got me thinking…”Yes, okay, some of the requirements of care might take up more time and effort than a child without special needs, but wow, the children, parents & families are usually really great people with great relationship skills. I think some singles could be approaching this situation with a narrow mindset!”

In this episode, I offer suggestions on how to approach dating with a healthy and positive mindset to both the single parent of a child with special needs and the one considering dating said parent. For example, we all have our struggles and it might make it easier to understand and support when you can witness the special needs ‘on the outside.’ Another really good way to build a beautiful relationship is to partner up and invest in a common goal. What could be more worthwhile than investing in a relationship that will not only bring you and your partner joy but a child as well! Many more suggestions in the episode!

If you have any general comments, concerns, or suggestions, please either contact me through my website of www.DatingIRL.net, this podcast's post on my social media pages: IG: @dating_i.r.l or @the_mindful.dating_coach, Facebook: @DatingIRLChicago, Linked In: Dating IRL or you can write me at larissa@DatingIRL.net with details. Thank you so much!

In this interview, Susan and I talk about her journey in parenting and advocating for a child on the autism spectrum and how the challenge of care and finances put a strain on her marriage. Susan shares a few of her experiences with online dating and strategies she uses to meet quality men.  Some beautiful & fun comments Susan made are:

• “All of the things a lot of people told me he would never do, he’s long past all those items.”
• “He lost his groundedness by traveling on the company dime.”
• “When you have to justify your behavior, you dig deep.”
• “I thought I was having a convulsion of some kind.”
• “They’ve all been really good guys.”
• “You got somebody killed for this story!”
• “It’s amazing how few words we use for emotion.”

We hope you enjoy hearing about Susan's story. If you feel a special curiosity or connection with Susan or have any general comments, concerns, or suggestions, please either contact me through my website of www.DatingIRL.net, this podcast's post on my social media pages: IG: @dating_i.r.l or @the.mindful.dating.coach, Facebook: @DatingIRLChicago, or Linked In: Dating IRL or you can write me at larissa@DatingIRL.net with details. Thank you so much!

My first interview is with Jonathan, an incredibly self-aware, articulate, and happy man with whom I went on a handful of dates in the past. (Interviewing people I have dated is not the plan, of course, but Jonathan has recently shown back up in my life as a friend and was excited about this opportunity...so why not?!) Jonathan brings up many wonderful topics with beautiful comments such as:

• "Growth is learning what our beliefs are and deciding which ones we want to change."
• "The point of life is to get as many of my needs met...needs like feeling safe, feeling like I belong, to feel love, be loved, and to love someone else.
• "Is this fear legit? Is it something keeping me from getting a need met or do I need to listen to it and back off?
• "The biggest difference between them and a cult is..."
• "How can I get data out of this so I can grow?"
• "That level of communication really caught my attention!"
• "For the anxiously attached, when we feel love, it's really anxiety that we're feeling."
• "When she finally did tell me she loved me, I felt hurt."

We hope you enjoy hearing about Jonathan's story. If you feel a special curiosity or connection with Jonathan or have any comments, concerns, or suggestions, please either contact me through my website of www.DatingIRL.net, this podcast's post on my Instagram account, the_mindful_dating_coach, or write me at larissa@DatingIRL.net with details. Thank you so much!