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Dating Kinky

Dating Kinky

By Dating Kinky
A ‘cast about love, sex, romance, and kink.
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I Don't Do Hookups (Except When I Do)

Dating Kinky

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Throwback Thursday: Unsolicited Dick Pics, A Look Back
The ULTIMATE Response To An Unsolicited Dick Pic! (Video) Share your dick drawings with us at: https://datingkinky.com/drawdicks
05:58
August 6, 2020
No shortage of change!
Just a quick update to let you know what's going on here at Dating Kinky. *smiles*  Reach us at cs@datingkinky.com
04:50
August 4, 2020
Porch monkeys, maroons, and being cheap: racism and language, in three vignettes.
How I have learned more about racism through my experience of language as a white child and as a woman. The Real Maroons...and then there was Bugs Bunny #BLM Find the transcript for this episode here. 
11:41
July 20, 2020
The chasm between desires and behaviors—or how we can be both right and wrong at the same time.
Is it possible that people don't realize that their actions don't align with what they are working so hard towards?  Of course it is.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
05:22
July 15, 2020
We are never ready.
We are never "ready" for all that we do. We might be prepared, but ready?  Nope.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
05:38
July 13, 2020
“You’re hot.” “No, thank you.” “F you.” (A customer service parable.)
It's the waiter rule. How people treat service people matters.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
06:48
July 11, 2020
"Well, then just stick it in her a** while she's asleep..."
Today is a short ‘cast about the curse of knowledge, deformation, misunderstandings and apologies.  Find the transcript for this episode here.
03:18
July 10, 2020
I'm a little...different in how I think.
I don’t just often think differently from others. I often think differently than I think I think. And knowing that matters. Find the transcript for this episode here.
07:51
July 8, 2020
Setting and maintaining boundaries: for submissives.
Because submissives could often find themselves giving everyone else what fills those people up, while starving themselves.  Understand Me Now—And that's an order!   Our monthly show with Hardy Brooklyn on Dating Kinky about boundaries and consent No Regrets Find the transcript for this episode here.
21:12
July 1, 2020
It's against human nature to knowingly make a mistake.
It's against human nature to knowingly making a mistake. People ALWAYS choose the best path for them at the time. Even when that path is, "I'm going to try this thing and it may not work, but I will at least grow from it." Find the transcript for this episode here. 
04:44
June 29, 2020
Manipulation & abuse is not always malevolent.
In fact, I'd postulate that it rarely is. But that doesn’t really matter.  Gambler's Theory: https://study.com/academy/lesson/variable-reinforcement-definition-examples.html Find the transcript for this episode here. 
07:06
June 26, 2020
Just what IS an orgasm?
or·gasm /ˈôrˌɡazəm/ noun a climax of sexual excitement, characterized by feelings of pleasure centered in the genitals and (in men) experienced as an accompaniment to ejaculation. Which is both a good place to start and definitely inaccurate—at least for many. Let’s break this down. Find the transcript for this episode here. 
17:01
June 15, 2020
Want to be better at love? Get Better at being single!
The people who are most successful as singles are especially likely to end up in happy marriages…let's look at why. Find the transcript for this episode here.  Learn morn about the It's Not Cheating event here. 
11:40
June 12, 2020
“Poly” as lip service?
People ask me all the time, "How do you spot people who use the idea of polyamory to exploit others/get laid?" Find the transcript for this episode here.  Learn about about It's Not Cheating here. 
05:03
June 10, 2020
Be more right.
It’s so incredibly easy to be wrong. And no one is ever 100% right.  However, with a little thought about what really matters to us, we can be more right.  Find the transcript for this episode here.  https://notcheating.com
04:24
June 8, 2020
I said, "Don't do that again," not "You did wrong."
It's fundamental in communication. Understand the words I say, and why I say them. Don't read more into them than exists.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
03:07
June 5, 2020
I don't cry a lot.
A message from Nookie. 
06:10
May 31, 2020
The weight of the idea of THE ONE...
THE ONE is a LOT of pressure to put on anyone before you've met them. Even if it's just a possibility.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
04:42
May 28, 2020
It’s not who you are. It’s who I see you as.
I mean, we often say things like this in jest, and yet, it's 100% true. We ALL have good qualities, and when we focus on ourselves, we KNOW what those good qualities are, and it's easy to wonder why others don't see those and respond to them. I can tell you why: Because you are not communicating those qualities in a way those others can understand AND agree on them. Find the transcript for this episode here.
06:38
May 27, 2020
On being understood, intuitively...
Studies have shown that those who see love as a perfect unity self-report as being less satisfied with their relationships, and those who believe that sex is some sort of destiny (right person) have less satisfying sex and less satisfied sexual partners, versus those who think that great sex between people comes from learning and getting better together.  SOURCES: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103114000493#! https://tspace.library.utoronto.ca/handle/1807/80728 Find the transcript for this episode here. 
06:20
May 12, 2020
true VS. Truth
What is true in this moment with the information you have may be be the TRUTH. That does not invalidate your reaction.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
07:27
May 6, 2020
Abusive behavior is still abusive—even when they stay.
That's like saying, "Well, they stuck around even after I beat the everlasting fuck out of them (in non-consensual, non-fun ways), so it must be OK to do it." Find the transcript for this episode here. 
04:44
April 29, 2020
Using Sex As A Weapon
Using someone's sexual desire for you to manipulate them without consent is crappy behavior.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
07:58
April 28, 2020
A model of consent evolution that might help the conversations we're having...
Many times, people coming to something new don't want to have to think deeply or want to LEARN. They want to accomplish a goal. High Context Consent Vs. Low Context Consent Consent isn’t actually the key. Whips Chains & Duct Tape on Facebook
08:08
April 14, 2020
Walking Away Is A Valid Choice, Always
I always have a choice to take people at face value for ALL that they are, or walk away if I cannot/will not. Find the transcript for this episode here. 
03:58
April 6, 2020
Let's talk about TRUST.
What do you mean when you say you trust someone? When you give a referral or vett someone? When you make an introduction, or put your weight behind a person? A few other links on trust:  How do you trust? Trust More, Not Less Find the transcript for this episode here. 
03:58
April 3, 2020
So, You're Masturbating More Now...
In a lot of ways, that's a GOOD thing. After all, it releases stress, helps you sleep better, and a host of other things.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
07:06
March 29, 2020
You're Always Being Used For What You Offer
We all do whatever we do because we get something from it. The question is: What do you provide that people want? Find the transcript for this episode here. 
05:07
March 25, 2020
Bossy Bottoms & Subdued Submissives
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that a dominant is going to fix everything in your life. Instead, ask: What are you doing to develop who you are as a desirable companion both in and out of your submission? Find the transcript for this episode here.
04:39
March 23, 2020
Settling - Don't Do It!
If you've ever left a relationship that you've been putting 100% into, because you finally realized that you alone aren't enough to make it work...you know.  Don't do that to another person.  Find the transcript for this episode here. Find our webinar replay here. 
05:32
March 21, 2020
Why We Fall For The Same ___ Over And Over...
Short answer: Because we benefit from them. Wait. We benefit from being lied to? Oh yeah, we do. We LOVE it! As long as we're not lied to too much, or in a way that we can't ignore. Find the transcript for this episode here. 
06:51
March 17, 2020
Orgasms & Energy Diffusion—Looking for Feedback
I’m practicing a model I’m writing about on orgasms with you, my audience.  *smiles*  Find the transcript for this episode here. Leave me a voice message here. 
08:02
March 11, 2020
Over and Over, I TOLD You
We all have a tendency to see and experience only what we greatly desire or truly fear, but not the slightly tarnished and full-of-character and wonderment and joy reality that actually exists…especially when we are searching for connection.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
05:06
March 9, 2020
Playing in Public Consensually
How do you honor your power exchange relationship while in public? Of course, this is an intensely personal thing. There are many ways to show off your dynamic, some are quite subtle, others more overt.  Have a thought you’d like to share? Leave me a voice message! Find the transcript for this episode here. And more information on my book, FLR, FemDom & Women In Charge here. 
13:49
March 4, 2020
What is YOUR Trap?
I wonder about the traps we set for others in our heads. What does it mean to me when I meet a man or a woman or an enby? A submissive or a little or a furry? What does it mean when I call someone sexy or smart?  Find the transcript for this episode here, and more information on my upcoming book on FemDom here. 
03:44
February 28, 2020
Potential Pitfalls of Power Exchange in Long-Term Relationships
I was writing a chapter for the FLR, FemDom, and Women In Charge Relationships book coming out in just a few days (yikes!), and I realized that it applies to ALL power exchange relationship dynamics, and I wanted to share it with you.  BDSM Vs. Abuse Find the transcript for this episode here.  Leave me a voice message with feedback, ask an anonymous question, whatever you’d like. Oh, and I MAY use your voice in a future ‘cast if you do. *smiles* 
07:47
February 27, 2020
Hunting the Elusive Unicorn, Finding a Minotaur, Bull Procurement & More
Unicorn Hunting is a touchy term in Polyamory circles.  So many single women have gotten burned by couples looking "for a third," and then...well, I'll get to this.  One of the biggest challenges surrounding this topic is, in my view, the communication of it.  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
09:39
February 26, 2020
Let's Debate: Seducer or Seduced?
Do you prefer being seduced? Or seducing?  Do you see power inherent in one or the other? Do they fit in dominance or submission roles (or other power labels) to you?  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
04:11
February 25, 2020
What Is The Best Way To Warn Others About A Predator Without Drama?
I find a simple two-step process works best for me. First, I get consent. Find the transcript for this episode here. 
04:44
February 25, 2020
What if My Consent is Broken?
When your consent is broken, it hurts, it’s confusing, and sometimes, it’s hard to figure out what to do. Here are a few options to help you.  https://live.internationalkinkywomensday.com Find the transcript for this episode here, and learn more about my book, So, What Is Kinky, Anyway? 
05:43
February 21, 2020
The Sexual Divide: A Rant
As a cis woman, I've ALWAYS known that there is a BIG divide between how most cis men experience sex and orgasm and how I do.  How is it that so many people DON'T? The Casual Swinger Podcast International Kinky Women’s Day  Find the transcript for this episode here. 
03:52
February 19, 2020
Knowledge is NOT Necessarily Power
Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is knowledge until you apply it or leverage it. Find and register for our next Newbies Night here.  Find the transcript here.
06:15
February 18, 2020
Shame & Kink, Kink & Shame
Shame is an emotion. And emotions exist to call our attention to things we might need to think about, pay attention to, or fix. So, if you’re feeling shame about your kink, dive into it, and ask yourself some questions. Find the transcript here and learn more about So, What Is Kinky, Anyway?
05:20
February 14, 2020
My Personal Unpopular Theory of Responsibility
If I take 100% responsibility, that does not stop someone else from doing the same.  Find the transcript here and learn more about my upcoming book, Understand Me, Now! (And that’s an order.)
06:44
February 13, 2020
Why Isn't It Normal To Like The People We Love? #Rant
It seems like not liking the people we love is trendy and cool right now, which seems to be the opposite of what it should be. The link to the Tumblr conversation: https://lord-kitschener.tumblr.com/post/166465739828/arielenhasarrived-yamino-zohbugg Find the transcript here and learn more about my upcoming book, Understand Me, Now! (And that’s an order.)
07:08
February 8, 2020
Roberto Gets Around, For Good Reason
A conversation I had today wherein I learned that Roberto has been with my friends.  Read the transcript at my blog. Meet Roberto. 
03:01
February 5, 2020
How much does body language help/hinder communication?
A sneak peek at my communication book as I write it this week. 
04:31
February 4, 2020
Communication Is Too THE MOST IMPORTANT Part Of A Relationship
If your natural communication styles are not compatible with another person, you will likely feel increasingly uncomfortable around them. This discomfort may take many forms.  Find the transcript here and learn more about my book, Dating Kinky: Find the kinky love of your fantasies. 
08:38
February 3, 2020
Hi, I’m Nookie, And I’m A Hug-aholic (And I LOVE Science-y Shit)!
I love hugs. And I explore the science and benefits of hugs for YOU! Find the transcript here. Learn more about International Kinky Women's Day here. 
11:02
January 31, 2020
Subspace & Lightweights & Consenting When We Shouldn't
So, the play we do is awesome, amazing, wonderful, and it is a drug. Well, actually, it’s A LOT of drugs. And some people are more susceptible to these effects than others. They are lightweights when it comes to the feel-goods.  Find the transcript and learn more about my new book So, What is Kinky, Anyway? here.
08:42
January 29, 2020
The Underappreciated Wholesomeness of Kink
What the media misses about kink in EVERY portrayal I've seen. A guest post by TheBoloonGuy.  Find the transcript on my blog here.
07:05
January 28, 2020
BDSM Vs. Abuse
This is a question that comes up a lot. What is the difference between kink or BDSM and abuse? Find the transcript and learn more about my new book So, What is Kinky, Anyway? here.
08:09
January 27, 2020
Today In Butts: Are Rectums Self-Lubricating?
Short answer: No. Long answer included, LOL!  Find the transcript and learn more about my new book The Big Book of Ass here.
04:39
January 23, 2020
Fly Fishing For Your Needs and Wants
Soooo sneaky to just dangle bait, right? They TOTALLY don't know that when you say "I love you..." and leave it hanging in the air that you are desperately waiting to hear it back.  TOTALLY.  Posted on the Dating Kinky Blog.
06:10
January 21, 2020
BDE (Big Dick Energy) and Confident Versus Cocky
What is Big Dick Energy (BDE), and what is the difference between confidence versus cockiness?  Transcript/Blog Post
08:39
January 20, 2020
The Problem With Blaming Victims of Abuse
I will be clear about my position early in this short writing: THE PERSON WHO ABUSES IS ALWAYS AT FAULT. A transcript of this podcast can be found on my blog.
03:13
January 15, 2020
How Do YOU Get Into The Right Headspace?
When you have a real life with kids, or career, or money worries, how do you get into the headspace for kink?
08:43
January 13, 2020
What Level of Kink Are You?
In writing about the power exchange/kinky play balance, I went down a rabbit hole of how to categorize or measure kink in daily life. This is what I've created as a result. A starting place for thought or discussion. 
08:40
January 8, 2020
I'm Gonna R*pe All I Want
A discussion of CNC (consensual non-consent) relationships. 
06:47
January 7, 2020
Belief Is NOT Everything. But It Is A Lot.
Belief can affect our memory, vision, hearing, and even physical strength and appearance. Let’s use it as a force for good in our lives! 
08:37
December 19, 2019
The Red Flag Diaries: How Do They Talk About Others?
Not only does how a person talk about others tell you a lot about how they will talk about you (in good times and bad), but it also informs how they will see you and interpret your actions and words. 
04:12
December 17, 2019
Words CAN Hurt
Not because of the words. Because of the actual physical harm that those words can incite. 
04:10
December 16, 2019
Got Nuance?
The less nuance we share with each other, the less accepting we are of it. And another thing I’ve noticed, those that see and respect nuance?BOTH sides hate them as a sellout, white knight, traitor, extremist…
05:51
December 15, 2019
What If You've Been Wrong Your WHOLE LIFE? I Was.
I could accept that I had been wrong and make the changes so that moving forward I could enjoy the fruits of being right, or stay comfortable in my bubble of self-righteousness and fear and disdain and loneliness. 
04:14
December 14, 2019
It's Black AND White, Not Shades Of Grey
In fact, I rarely think in shades of grey. Or compromise. Or whatever it is we’re told we’re supposed to do to get along in this world. I also have some tips on writing a dating profile to disqualify people, and hwy that's important. Excerpted from Dating Kinky: How to find the kinky love of your fantasies.
07:51
December 13, 2019
A Ticklish Situation
It’s not cool to treat people on the internet like they exist ONLY to fulfill your fetishes. Just saying.
02:45
December 12, 2019
I Don't Do Hookups (Except When I Do)
A look at hookups from a woman's perspective. 
02:36
December 11, 2019
FRAMED! A New Series On How We See The World
Sometimes our mental frames are harmful. And sometimes those frames are helpful but not as  helpful as they could be. How can we change them, when we need to to expand our perspectives and possibilities? 
09:40
December 4, 2019
Unconditional Relationships? *cough cough* BULLSHIT!
My love and my relationships are conditional. Mark Manson says that unconditional love and relationships are what we should strive for. I make my points against. 
08:34
December 2, 2019
We All Have That One Friend... Maybe YOU Are That One Friend.
The one who will put EVERYONE's needs before their own. The loyal, loving, always-there-for-you bestie who will give and give and give...
04:01
November 29, 2019
It’s My World. You’re Just Living In It
A perspective of the world that keeps us alive is more important than one that is objectively accurate. That's not easy on connecting, communicating, and understanding each other, though. 
07:46
November 27, 2019
The Red Flag Diaries: How Do They Respond To Your First "No"?
This is a new series on red flags to watch out for when meeting and dating and connecting with others in kink and elsewhere.  People who feel entitled to your time and effort and who believe that their wants and needs are more important than yours will show you this. This is a red flag. 
04:22
November 26, 2019
It's Like Toilet Paper Bondage...
Behavior modification, on yourself or others. It's not a one-and-done thing. It's more like toilet paper bondage. 
03:00
November 25, 2019
Conflict Resolution Protocol
Two ways to resolve conflict in your relationships. On involves pulling rank (in a loving way) and pattern interrupts. The other is simply an agreement of what happens when someone unilaterally ends a stressful conversation. 
08:18
November 23, 2019
I Hurt You BECAUSE I Love You.
I've heard, "I can't beat so-and-so like I used to. I love them too much." I just can't comprehend.
03:48
November 22, 2019
You Can't Even Get ONE Relationship Right! (Poly Is Not, Part XXII)
There are a lot of reasons that a relationship (or series of relationships) might not work. Polyamory or any sort of ethical non-monogamy are not the answer, nor are they right for everyone. 
04:22
November 21, 2019
Successful Relationships: 3 Critical Questions
If you are able to answer all three of these questions in the affirmative, then you have what it takes to create a successful relationship.  Will you? Maybe, maybe not.
03:46
November 20, 2019
The Way We Were, AKA The WON TWOO WAY™
I've often found that the very people who proclaim to all how accepting WE KINKSTERZ are of others are themselves incredibly intolerant of views that don't exactly match their own. 
05:43
November 19, 2019
Any Problem You Can't Discuss In Your Relationship...
…is two problems. Or more.
05:03
November 16, 2019
It's Only Romantic When You Still Love Them
“If you don’t still love them, or worse, you barely even know them, it’s creepy. It’s stalkerish.”
05:46
November 16, 2019
In Life And Love, VALUE Is The Key
Musing on the idea of value, and how important providing value is to creating love and lasting relationships.
05:29
November 16, 2019