The Unuseful Hour

Here we are, already at the end of the story. I have a number of these 3-4 hour novellas that are adapted from feature screenplays. I call these audio versions Spoken Screenplays and I hope that the three episodes of Zero feel like a cinematic experience.

The seventh story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Zero features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

The 21st century isn't getting more stable. We are not going back to a nostalgic normal. Change is the new normal, whether it's in a way as dramatic as this or more of the slow boil variety.

I guess I really have to re-classify this podcast out of comedic fiction for the time being. Apologies for those looking for lighter fare.

The seventh story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Zero features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

This story has been many years in the making. I originally conceived it over 20 years ago and pitched it to an executive at Paramount as a feature film. He was so enraged by the concept of a world without money that he ended the meeting. My producer told me to never mention this idea ever again in Hollywood. They love money too much.

But now, in this age of worker empowerment and great resignations, I believe ZERO finally has an audience. This story depicts a world in which certain people have decided on dramatic action. It is up to you whether you decide to stand with them or any of the others whose views are represented in this tale. This isn't a call for revolution at all costs. This is a depiction of the costs.

The seventh story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Zero features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

I had a nightmare one night about a vampire who still lived a boring day-to-day modern life. It became THE SEETHING.

The sixth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Seething features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Here it is, the final long chapters of Woe Is Me. I hope you have found the journey thrilling and edifying and fun. If so, keep an eye out for the next book in the series! Until then, here's a whole bunch of my other stories!

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

We all like collapse stories right now. And perhaps we should. There's widespread anxiety about the future and all our institutions appear ready to crumble. But stories like these aren't predictive. They're cautionary tales that remind us how terrible things can be if we make bad decisions. In this case, don't be a mystery man and leave the witches in their own dimension.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

A little delay in the episode delivery pipeline. My heartfelt apologies. I blame the animators we hired in Korea. Perfectionists. Not like me.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Our heroes are in trouble now. But I don't like telling hopeless tales, even if it may seem like it from time to time.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Dark stories. Dark thoughts. But as Lacie and Mack realize, they can't make it through the day without hope. Even when all possible success has vanished and you are alone, you still cannot give up hope. Happy New Year.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

The storms are coming now. But in the real world it's a good thing. Or at least in California. We need this rain.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

I consider this story to be action horror, the reading of which is similar to playing a video game. It has been a good introduction to reading for middle school kids who don't like to read, especially with the attached roleplaying game.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

So this all began one day on a long hike. I was on San Juan Island, WA. taking a walk by myself. And I thought: What would happen if a band of six goblins appeared at the far end of the trail? I had no weapons, no advantage. We saw each other at the same time. How would I deal with six little monsters waving their jagged blades at me? Thus was trailgoblins born, a tactical roleplaying game for hikers. At the beginning of a walk you choose your loadout, such as a shotgun and a net, or a .22 rifle and a hatchet. Then, at some point on your hike (usually at a rest stop or picturesque location) one of 20 different monster types appear, in a variety of numbers. Roll the dice. Learn exactly where they appear from, what their disposition is, and how they move. Use cover. Assess the actual wilderness around you to gain tactical advantage and defeat them.

Then I began to think of the world where trailgoblins happens while my daughter was going through the darkest years of middle school and The Horror Wars were conceived. I hope you enjoy. 

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

So just what the hell is this story anyway? Well... that's complicated. And I'm tired. Just know at this point that it grew out of a roleplaying game for hikers called trailgoblins. This morning my wife and I climbed a mountain. I'll post the rules next week when I can move again.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Maelstroms carpet the land. Trolls and goblins and ogres are real and they're destroying modern civilization. Welcome to The Horror Wars. Every few hundred years monsters invade the world. It takes the heroism of normal people to survive.

The fifth story to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Woe Is Me features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

The first of my many Charlemagne stories, here I blend as much historical fact as we know of the ancient Saxons with the unhistorical legends of the king and his famous knights, along with my own speculation of the infamous destruction of the Irminsul. Please forgive me for any errors in judgment or taste.

The fourth subject to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Irminsul features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Thus ends The Dark Black, far in the future. Much has been lost but Inspector Bloom is not alone. Perhaps that's all that we can expect.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

The recovery. Apologies for missing a week. Fell off a cliff in Germany. 

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

The return. Someday I might even explain what these short cryptic phrases over the last several episode descriptions mean.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Some chapters are short enough to combine. Fortunately none have been too long they need to be broken up.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

I've stepped away from my desk here, that's for sure.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

I don't want to. I want a break.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Baryonic matter is 17% of the matter we now understand exists in the universe. Only that much shines.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

Will they have Labor Day in the future?

Apologies for the lateness of the episode.

The  third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

In 2024 some of my favorite Dashiell Hammett stories enter the public domain. He is my guide for hard-boiled writing. He and Raymond Chandler are the American fathers of cynical cops. For those of us who can't stay out of the shadows.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

I've been writing speculative fiction since the 80s. Most of the near-future predictions we made back then seem to be coming true on schedule. We have climate disaster and political upheaval and gay unions and legal weed. Really the only big one we missed was that we were all convinced that at this stage we'd be living in a blasted irradiated hellscape after nuclear annihilation. So, really, we've come out far ahead.

Trying to predict the world a couple hundred years from now is always a work of pure fabrication. And yet, we can all see the trends coming. We all know that space travel and robots and scientific advances will re-shape the world around us. The tough part is figuring out which of the absolutely sure-fire trends (like nuclear annihilation) will somehow miss.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

I was born six weeks before Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. Space travel has been a recurring theme in my entire life. But my early dreams of traversing the galaxy are expressed more modestly here, in a universe where humans have never met aliens nor broken the bounds of lightspeed. But I take enough liberties with quantum mechanics to spread our functional space to the edges of the solar system. If you lived in this future, which of the Orbs would you inhabit?

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

Adipocere.

Apologies to my legions of fans for the short episode. Sometimes it be like that. The story only wanted ito be that long and as always, I am forever in service to the story. But never fear, Abelard Blum and Saro Ovile have a nice fat episode next week!

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

A number of years ago, when cyberpunk was on a downswing and Blade Runner 2049 wasn't even being considered, I yearned for a good hard-boiled space noir. So I decided to write one myself. The Dark Black is the story of the first solar-system-wide serial killer and the efforts of Abelard Blum and his partner Saro Ovile to stop them. Fans of Hard Sci Fi and Quantum theorists may take issue with my methods but I'm not writing for grant proposals or peer reviewed articles. Science fiction is exactly the kind of place we can investigate where the mysterious potential of quantum mechanics might someday lead us.

The third show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Dark Black features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

Thus ends The Twisting Door. I have all kinds of plans for it. My wife isn't in stage or film but she is a special education teacher. I visualize living in the woods of Northern France for a season with a cast of disabled/differently-abled actors and a green screen city of ancient Le Mans. Wish us luck!

The second show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Twisting Door features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

Poets like climbing mountains. Byron and Shelley had their visions in the Alps. I do the same in California's Sierra range. Leaving now. I'll let you know about my visions next week.

The second show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Twisting Door features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

The standard idea is that mythology arose from the same place everything else did, from the scholars and artists at the center of society. But what if the opposite is true? What if these scholars and artists enforced a limiting and judgmental religion instead, exiling anyone different to beyond the city walls? The historical record seems to support this scenario instead. I propose that not all of those exiled died. And I further propose that the oddballs are the ones who invented magic and myth and remembered the legends of their past, to stand against the religion that rejected them. Whether I am right or not is something none of us will ever know.

The second show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Twisting Door features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

Here it is! The second story to be featured on The Unuseful Hour! The Twisting Door comes out of years of research I did on the Frankish Carolingian empire and the history and myth of Charlemagne. I started all that when my producer in Hollywood at the time asked for the next Game of Thrones. It occurred to me that Hollywood still needed some justification (this was still like six years ago) to produce fantasy. For example, they could still look cool at cocktail parties telling their friends that GoT was based on Richard III and the War of Roses. But all the other usual historical sources seemed tapped out. We've all seen enough of King Arthur and Romeo and Juliet. That's when I remembered Charlemagne. Over 2300 of the songs (chansons d'geste) still exist, most about the legends of Roland and Oliver, Holger Danske and the Brothers Aymon. I'll have to produce those stories for this channel at some point too.

The second show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, The Twisting Door features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has  been doing both for a very long time.

30.   The Word

When I first started writing Alaxsxaq 13 year ago as a gap-filling writing exercise for fun, I had no idea that some day it would be one of my largest epics. I didn't even know that I'd narrate it. I'd been acting my whole life but I hadn't become an audiobook narrator yet. So much has changed. The world has dipped into darkness but still carries on. See you next week.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

29.   Like a Lover

Seasons come and go. Air moves. No one really knows why. 

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

28.   The Second Mess

Yesterday I was able to swim in a lake--able to swim anywhere for the first time in 18 months. The night before, we had gone to a live theatre cabaret. I dare not depend on these newly regained liberties. The 21st century will not be so kind. But we take our moments where we can.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

27.   Delusions Before Death

Standing on the beach. The border of the land and sea. The edge of infinity. Not just a strand of sun and wind. The place where one is beaten into new forms by the conflict between elements. And someone once had the bright idea to invent a piña colada stand.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

26.   Three Legs Broken

I love travel. I'm considering buying a plane ticket to Bulgaria. I mean, what do we really know of the Thracians?

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

25.   Dead on Impact

Cycles turn. Life begins anew. I mean, not in this episode. But so I've been told. Apsim may some day learn that lesson himself. But probably not.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

24.   Soup And A Warm Bed

One of those weeks where the clouds break apart and the sun shines through. The world isn't necessarily a better place, but it feels livable once more, with more hope and possibility in it. Apsim doesn't know that feeling at all.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

23.   The Hungry Strike

Undigestable food and chronic pain and abusive relationships. Wage slave drudgery. A grand ennui and persistent misanthropy. The unsettling knowledge that we've overstayed our welcome as a species. But why do you ask? What reasons do you have for escapism?

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

22.   The Abnegator

If the universe does have a boundary, it should be defined by the  leading edge of the big bang, the cataclysmic event that brought the  universe into being. By studying -- among other things -- the red shift  in the spectra of distant galaxies, which is a measure of how quickly  the universe is expanding, scientists have determined that the big bang  must have occurred about 15 billion years ago. Using this data to  calculate the leading edge of the expansion, and keeping in mind that  the universe was opaque at its very beginning, when it was expanding the  fastest, a team of astrophysicists arrived at a figure of 45.7 billion  light-years for the radius of the observable universe.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR,  Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been  doing both for a very long time.

21.   The Chiaroscuro Tunnel

I gave my cats a bath the other day… they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…

-Steve Martin

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

20.   Every Spear-Dragging Yokel

“It's the lost souls that lay the foundation for a better tomorrow,  because those beings are not afraid to be lost, they are not afraid to fail, in the pursuit of something greater, something grander, than to just survive no different than the dogs do on the streets.”   
 ―       Abhijit Naskar, Time To Save Medicine

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

19.   Corncakes and Smallbeer

The tendinous part of the mind, so to speak, is more developed in winter; the fleshy, in summer. I should say winter had given the bone and sinew to literature, summer the tissues and the blood.  -- John Burroughs

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

18.   Its Malevolence Burns Within Me Like Poison

I build a castle of words but it is not so easy. The wind steals my words away. When I catch them I have forgotten their import. The spell fades. I stutter. All is lost. Aha. Good thing I wrote the words in blood on a scrap of parchment. Here it is in my pocket.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

16.   My Finest Ataspatechistic Dirge

Finding good help is so very difficult. Either they have no idea what the job entails, they're incapable o doing it, or they just straight up refuse to get blood on their hands. Or their shoes. This is why I work alone.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

15.   The Totapas

Architects of grandeur are often the master builders of disillusionment. --Bryant H McGill.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

14.   Mialic Thromadurgy And Manbears In Chains

I first started writing Alaxsxaq 13 years ago on an impulse. I returned to it during the pandemic to give myself a safe space far far away from the busy broken world. I thought my need to escape would fade. It has not.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.

13.   Mount Apsim

Once I climbed Mount Shasta with some fellows I'd met online. It did not go well. Do not rope in with someone who confuses their Prozac with Valium.

The first show to be featured on the podcast THE UNUSEFUL HOUR, Alaxsxaq features the writing and acting of DW Draffin, who has been doing both for a very long time.