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Designated Parent

Designated Parent

By Adam & Lisa
Kids programming through the lens of adult beverages.
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Descendants 3

Designated Parent

Descendants 3

Designated Parent

Welcome to Goodburger, home of the Goodburger. Can I take your order? The '90's were wild, ya'll. You could get Sinbad and Shaq in your movie, people let 15 year-olds drive and get in accidents with little repercussions, and rollerblades were a valid form of transportation.
March 1, 2021
Home Alone
In this super ginormous sized episode Adam and Lisa get waaaay to into the psychology of the McCallister family. And a bit too far into congratulating ourselves for not being as bad of parents as we obviously could be. If we were rich.
February 22, 2021
Dr. Doolittle 3
The movie that asks the real questions. Like "Why do we let Norm Macdonald be in things?" and "Can a monkey be charged with a felony?"
February 15, 2021
What if all the Prince Charmings (Princes Charming?) were the same? This thoughtful experiment gets to the root of the most confounding mystery in the fairy tale world. Just kidding. It's a trainwreck with songs that seem like they were written by bad AI and a plot that really, really has some meaty questions to answer... but it will not.
February 8, 2021
The Mandalorian Season 2
Mandalorian, The Second Part! We discuss that the best parts of this show are probably the call outs to previous episodes of this show or else Star Wars in general. Also, Baby Yoda.
February 1, 2021
The Mandalorian Season 1
In this episode Adam confuses the Traveling Wilburys with the Wild Thornberrys. And also discusses this show that was on Disney.
January 25, 2021
We Can Be Heroes
The (hopefully) final conclusion to the Sharkboy and Lavagirl series.
January 18, 2021
The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D
Robert Rodriguez makes a family film about a series of acid trips he had in college. Or something. Starring two Taylors.
January 11, 2021
Wonder Woman 1984
You will be screaming "TOM HARDY" at us for a few minutes. Sorry. Also, spoilers as we talk through the plot of a relatively new movie. But don't worry if, like us, you haven't seen Wonder Womans 2-1983. They apparently weren't needed.
January 4, 2021
*SPOILER WARNING* This one just came out! Adam and Lisa discuss the importance of settling for the mundane.
December 28, 2020
Ernest Saves Christmas
The second best Ernest movie works with the season.
December 26, 2020
Are we watching a Christmas movie this close to the holidays? No. Of course not. It's about a rat who wants to be Gordon Ramsay because of course it is.
December 21, 2020
Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas
We watch a movie about small town animals and economic downturns and discuss the importance of estate planning and life insurance.
December 14, 2020
Christmas Chronicles 2
Kurt Russel is back to save Christmas, this time with Goldie Hawn and it's, somehow, so very, very bad.
December 7, 2020
Incredibles 2
A children's movie addressing issues facing a woman attempting to re-enter the workforce and the whining of the man supporting her.
November 30, 2020
Ugly Dolls
100th Episode Spectacular! Not really. We just drink while discussing the movie that teaches you it's OK to be ugly as long as you're rich and talented.
November 23, 2020
Aladdin (2019)
The unneeded live action remake of the Disney classic isn't as bad as it could have been.
November 16, 2020
Malibu Rescue: The Next Wave
We've had one movie already, but what about second movie? The sequel to the series that followed the movie that, really, no one really asked for.
November 9, 2020
Nightmare Before Christmas
Simply the best movie combination of Halloween and Christmas. The perfect November movie. But it also makes no sense.
November 2, 2020
Debby Reynolds is in this. Debby. Reynolds. She deserved better.
October 26, 2020
Double Double Toil and Trouble
A critique on the state of mandatory reporter laws in the 90's. Or another Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie. Or both.
October 19, 2020
Addams Family (2019)
Can the remake of a 1991 classic remake of a 60's TV show be even better than the original material? I mean, it's possible, but this certainly isn't it.
October 12, 2020
Addams Family (1991)
What is probably the most functional family in cinematic history meets reality and comes out ahead.
October 5, 2020
Haunted Mansion
Eddie Murphy in a kids movie based on a theme park ride. This was never going to be good, was it?
September 28, 2020
Hocus Pocus
Like, seriously, did Bette Midler know what she signed up for or was this just her doing what she does best? Either way, top 10 Halloween movies of all time.
September 21, 2020
Trolls World Tour
The sequel to the movie based on those little troll dolls that get randomly popular every 15 years. At least it's introducing our kids to good music.
September 14, 2020
Mr. Peabody and Sherman
Time travel brought to you by your dad the dog. Because the 5 minute cartoon segments were not enough.
September 7, 2020
Despicable Me
The movie that launched the minions. And for that, it has much to answer for.
August 31, 2020
Animal Crackers
What even is this movie? It's... not good. It's... not bad. It's just... weird.
August 24, 2020
Kid Detectives
First, we know it's Stephen Baldwin. But also, we look at a lot of kids detective shows to figure out why we think children have the answers to all our problems.
August 17, 2020
Muppet Treasure Island
Where do you know Tim Curry from? This movie answers that for our kids now. Decide what that says about them.
August 10, 2020
How are there no dogs or caves in this movie?
August 3, 2020
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Reminding children that the military industrial complex rains supreme and you only have the rights they want you to have.
July 27, 2020
Wrinkle in Time
A beautiful acid trip where Oprah pretends to be 30 feet tall and the queen of the universe when we all know she's not a bit over 26 feet tall.
July 20, 2020
A charming story of an accidental child abduction.
July 13, 2020
A great reminder of why we drink. G-Force is the story of talking guinea pigs that... honestly, who knows? It's a mess.
July 6, 2020
Artemis Fowl - LIVE
Tired of social distancing? Wishing we could be in your house with you watching a movie and making snarky comments? Then do we have an episode for you. This is our commentary track to be synced up with the Disney+ version of Artemis Fowl. So here's what you do. Get this somewhere you can listen to it out loud. Then, find Artemis Fowl on Disney+ and pause it a the exact beginning. When you hear the countdown and then the glasses clink, start the movie and we should be synced up. But the bad new is, now you've started Artemis Fowl and you're going to have to watch it with us. Sorry.
June 29, 2020
The Goofy Movie
In this episode, Adam asks way too many questions about Goofy's biology, classification,  and reproductive cycles.
June 22, 2020
Finding Nemo
Lisa and Adam discuss gender and clown fish and incorrectly identify the capitol of Australia several times.
June 15, 2020
Fantastic Mr. Fox
It's Baby's First Wes Anderson this week. Do our kids like style over substance or is this not their cup of fake British tea?
June 8, 2020
The nostalgia button gets hit again and again as Adam relives his favorite Saturday mornings.
June 1, 2020
Disney Studio Shorts
This is a weird one. A bunch of short little videos back to back with no coherent theme. Kinda like my life.
May 25, 2020
The Princess Bride
As you wish...
May 18, 2020
The Great Mouse Detective
Not the highest form of Disney animation, but not the worst. Except for that weird part in a mouse strip club.
May 11, 2020
Adam and Lisa attempt to get banned in China.
May 4, 2020
Disney picks an unlikely setting for their follow up to Robin Hood.
April 27, 2020
Spies in Disguise
Will Smith, the voice of the genie from Aladdin, according to my former children, stars as a bird. He's reached the part of his career where he's doing talking animal movies. I'm sorry, Will.
April 20, 2020
Detective Pikachu
In the unofficial sequel to Deadpool 2, Ryan Renolds sasses his way through another franchise.
April 13, 2020
High School Musical
The movie that spawned 2 sequels, a TV series, a licensable high school musical about this high school musical and a TV show where they watch people do the high school musical version of high school musical and then the final layer, the movie of the high school kids from the tv show doing the musical based on this movie. Also Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Effron are in this.
April 6, 2020
The Great Muppet Caper
There's a point in the 1980's where you could get a job by walking into an office and demanding one. This is a throwback to that fantasy.
March 30, 2020
Disney's Zombies
Reporting on a post apocalyptic vision where humanity has failed its most vulnerable.  Man, that's hitting a little close to home this week.
March 23, 2020
We review a movie still in the theaters! Adam reveals how little he knows about Dungeons and Dragons and Lisa does, too, but she's not surprised about it.
March 16, 2020
The Incredibles
What could be easier than raising a family? Raising a family of superheroes without anyone knowing they're superheros.
March 9, 2020
Harry Potter Revisited
Did you think Lisa got all her questions and concerns about Harry Potter out last time? Well, you were wrong. Here she goes again.
March 2, 2020
Woody the Woodpecker
Whoever keeps putting these computer animated cartoon and video game characters into movies with real life actors really needs to stop.
February 24, 2020
Toy Story 4
For what is hopefully, but not probably, the last entry in the Toy Story saga we take a look at the transcendental terror of existence, dabble in the body horror genre, and deconstruct the waning status of monogamy in the 21st century. You know, for kids.
February 17, 2020
Disney brings you Stockholm Syndrome, but cute.
February 10, 2020
They make Easter movies now? About the Easter bunny? Was anyone really calling for that?
February 3, 2020
Secret Life of Pets 2
The sequel we always wanted where we ask many questions about Hu greenlit this movie.
January 27, 2020
Jimmy Neutron
The third best computer animated film 2001 had to offer.
January 20, 2020
Year in Review
We did it. We actually stuck with something for an entire year. What have we learned by this? Nothing much, apparently.
January 13, 2020
Camp Cool Kids
In this episode, Adam has flashbacks to his days spent outside and remembers why he promised to never do that ever again.
January 6, 2020
Star Wars Ep. IX - Rise of Skywalker
The final (riiiiight) installment of the Skywalker Saga aka the main Star Wars movie. We're pretty sure we forgot more than we remembered, but it's still a fun ride.
January 4, 2020
Anna Kendrick is probably part elf. You can't prove she isn't.
December 30, 2019
The Christmas Project
WARNING: THIS EPISODE MAY CONTAIN SPOILER REGARDING THE EXISTENCE OR POSSIBLE NON-EXISTENCE OF SANTA CLAUSE. Now that is out of the way, we watch a sappy seasonal movie about recapturing the true meaning of Christmas in 1986.
December 23, 2019
Star Wars Ep. VIII - The Last Jedi
Sneaking in another episode before the next movie comes out. Enjoy?
December 18, 2019
Star Wars Ep. VII - The Force Awakens
Because, yes, it's about time it got up and made someone a shitton more money.
December 16, 2019
Star Wars Ep. III - Revenge of the Sith
Lisa just watched it for the first time. Adam hasn't seen it in years. We get several plot points very wrong. See if you can spot them by yelling at your phone when they pop up!
December 9, 2019
Star Wars Ep. II - Attack of the Clones
If you didn't get enough stilted acting and parliamentary procedure from the last episode, have we got a welcome surprise for you!
December 2, 2019
Star Wars Ep. I - The Phantom Menace
It's as if a million nerds cried out at once, and were still complaining 20 years later.
November 25, 2019
Star Wars Ep. VI - Return of the Jedi
The Jedi have returned but... why? And for how long? And what's the big plan, anyway? There is a plan, right? I mean, we're not just walking into an obvious trap. Right? Right?
November 18, 2019
The Lorax
A little, furry man saves the world. Yes, we're talking about Danny DeVito.
November 11, 2019
Star Wars Ep. V - The Empire Strikes Back
Easily the most watchable of the Star Wars films, probably. At least Lisa thinks so, and she has opinions as to why.
November 4, 2019
Star Wars Ep. IV - A New Hope
It's a classic. It's required viewing in my house. And, it turns out, Lisa's not impressed.
October 28, 2019
The Grinch
The most recent re-telling of the legend of the Grinch, which still fails to justify its existence over a 30 minute cartoon.
October 21, 2019
Alvin and the Chipmunks meet the Wolfman
Think it couldn't get worse than the live action Alvin and the Chipmunk movies? Well, you're right. But this one isn't really worthy of the nostalgia.
October 14, 2019
The greatest movie of our time? Probably not. The greatest performance by Eddy Murphy in a children's movie? Also, probably no. Mike Myers' best work? Still... no. But it's Shrek and it kept Smashmouth on the radio for longer than any of us could have ever expected.
October 7, 2019
Descendants 2
With Lisa out of town, Adam has to rely on some even more unreliable narrators to get through this episode.
September 30, 2019
Descendants 3
No, you didn't miss an episode. Our kids just didn't want to watch Descendants 2. So we watch this one instead. We'd like to think seeing the second part would make the third part make more sense but, honestly, we don't know how that would be possible.
September 23, 2019
In a world where all the Disney films apparently happened at once, and where Beast has united the kingdoms under his iron rule... Would have been a much better intro. Instead, we get a high school musical with the Disney villains' kids and way too much eyeliner.
September 16, 2019
Middle School
The fight club of the next generation.
September 9, 2019
Wreck it Ralph
Remember, you can never be anything besides what you were born to be so just make the most of your freakishness and hopefully you can help some of the other freaks you meet along the way. Or possibly something more encouraging. Honestly, I don't even know how to spin this one.
September 2, 2019
Kronk's New Groove
It was the early 2000's and Disney decided everything needed a sequel. Even things they just made. At least this one kept most of the original cast. And, really, that's the best we can say about it.
August 26, 2019
Daddy Daycare
Eddy Murphy makes kids movies. This one thing you must remember or nothing that follows will make any sense. Approaching Pluto Nash levels of bad writing, acting, directing and special effects, we submit that this is not something he should be proud of.
August 19, 2019
Monsters, Inc.
Teaching our kids that anything is acceptable if you're doing it in order to produce energy. Right?
August 12, 2019
Secret Life of Pets
When their owners are away, pets will get into a series of unbelievable exploits but still somehow make it back home through a locked apartment in time for their owners' return. But, somehow, it's not terrible.
August 5, 2019
Emperor's New Groove
The best movie to come out of Disney between 1995 and... well... we're waiting.
July 29, 2019
Despicable Me 3
Did the world need 3 Despicable Me movies? No. But they got them anyway. Here's our thoughts on the third.
July 22, 2019
Peter Rabit
Mediocre children's book turned worse than mediocre children's movie.
July 15, 2019
It Takes Two
Is this the best Olsen Twins/Kristy Allen/Steve Guttenberg/Rob Base & DJ E-Z crossover event of all time? I mean, I hope not. But here we are.
July 8, 2019
Malibu Rescue - The Series
Did you think that one movie was enough to tell the saga of the lives of the Malibu Rescue team? You were right. But here's a miniseries anyway.
July 1, 2019
Malibu Rescue
Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski. Actually, if at all possible, we should all really try to stay out of this one.
June 24, 2019
Lego Movie 2
Back after a little time off, we dig into the movies our kids watched on vacation, starting with the sequel to one of my least unfavorite kids movies.
June 17, 2019
Bedtime Stories
Adam Sandler and Russell Brand bring you the story of how a grown man tries to manipulate kids' imaginations to get everything he ever wanted and instead ends up with the world's weirdest guinea pig.
June 10, 2019
Tim Allen stars in what was not his worst film of 2006. But it's bad. It's really, really bad.
June 3, 2019
Tornado Update
We are fine. Everything is not fine. But we are fine.
May 30, 2019
Lion King
Reviewing a masterpiece before the inevitable unnecessary remake. Hippy Juice 1 Cup Watermelon Vodka 1/2 Cup Rum 1/2 Cup Triple Sec Top a gallon with pink Country Time lemonade made to instructions.
May 27, 2019
Avengers: Endgame
We're in the endgame now... We finish up last week's discussion about the Marvel Cinematic Universe by looking at Avengers: Endgame. Again, maybe some spoilers.
May 20, 2019
Lisa vs. The Marvel Cinematic Universe
*SPOILERS* THIS EPISODE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR MOVIES CURRENTLY IN THEATERS. Lisa and Adam blow through the entire MCU up to Endgame in a single episode. Spoilers abound, but so does confusion. Also, Adam is wrong, Howard stark is in Captain America: The First Avenger. And he's probably wrong about other things, too.
May 13, 2019
Harry Potter
We have many questions about the Harry Potter universe. But since half the team is a drunk Hufflepuff, we may never know the answers.
May 6, 2019
Christmas Chronicles
Snake Pliskin does Santa Clause. Not the weirdest casting for the jolly old elf, but not a great movie, either. Melonade: 1 oz. Raspberry Vodka 1 oz. St. Germain 1 oz. Cranberry juice 1/2 oz. Lemon juice 1/2 oz. Simple syrup Add all ingredients to a shaker full of ice. Shake, strain into Wonder Woman tumbler* *Wonder Woman tumbler optional.
April 29, 2019
Odd Squad
A love letter to Canadian children's programming, and why you should be listening to their soundtracks.
April 22, 2019
Chicken Little
The timeless tale of why your town probably shouldn't get a significant portion of its identity from that time you all freaked out because a four year old told you the sky was falling. Also, there are aliens.
April 15, 2019
Here's an idea... let's make a kids movie based on Greek mythology. It's the only logical direction to go after the success that was Hunchback of Notre Dame.
April 8, 2019
Emoji Movie
It's a movie... about emoji. We've hit the bottom and kept digging.
April 1, 2019
Christopher Robin
What could possibly be creepier than the 1980's Winnie the Pooh show on the Disney Chanel? Oh. Yeah. Christopher Robin with PTSD.
March 24, 2019
Super Buddies
The final installment of a 14-ish movie series based on that one video that won America's Funniest Home Videos in 1991. Really.
March 18, 2019
Spy Kids 4D All the Time in the World
The most unsettling moving Robert Rodriguez's production company has ever made.
March 11, 2019
Adam's awkward answers about anthropomorphic automotive anatomy.
March 4, 2019
Into the Spiderverse
Can an infinite number of radioactive spiders biting an infinite number of moody teens create a good movie?
February 25, 2019
Gnome Alone
Looking into the happy side of child neglect and abandonment, it's this week's episode of Designated Parent.
February 18, 2019
Captain Underpants
Seriously, who is looking after these kids in Piqua, Ohio?
February 14, 2019
Hotel Transylvania 3
The exciting conclusion to the immortal Hotel Transylvania trilogy. Wait, who are we kidding? They're going to make more and more of theses until they lose all meaning and outnumber the Land Before Time movies.
February 4, 2019
Fuller House
Tonight we dissect the multi-generational trauma that is Fuller House,  where nothing makes sense and everything seems like it was written by aliens who were told, vaguely, how humans behave.
January 28, 2019
Santa Paws
A movie about a talking dog and its friends saving Christmas. Because that's original. Pass the Merlot.
January 21, 2019
The Chipmunks: The Road Chip
Our first episode, recorded on a dare. One of us gets a little drinky while we try to remember what happened in the movie we literally just watched. This time it's the sequel to the sequel to the Squeakquel. Because no one should have to watch these movies sober. 
January 17, 2019