Permission to Be You - The Podcast Diane Xuereb

In This Episode

Julius talks about the pains of addiction.

Initially, a person might turn to drugs to find some sort of relief.  Relief from emotional and also very often physical pain.

For Julius, it was 'his saving grace but also a thorn in his side'.

I would say that it is safe to say that millions of people around the world want to feel loved. They want to feel appreciated and acknowledged.

If and when they don't feel it, they look for ways to create that elusive feeling called love.

As children, we look for it in our parents and as we grow older we seek it in other places.

Many people misunderstand where love comes from and as a result become very unhappy with themselves and with life in general.

So they turn to other things to find some sort of relief.  

There are many forms of addictions, shopping excessively, sex, porn, food, chocolate, alcohol, drugs just to mention a few.

Where do you think love is found?

Is it out there in people, pets, places and things?

Where have you been looking?

In this story, one man overcomes many obstacles in his life, sickness, rejection and addiction.  

Ultimately he finds love in the one place that we very often forget to look - himself.

If you are seeking, stop your search.

You are what you are looking for.

One of the things we talked about is perfectionism or as Melissa puts it, 'always wanting to get things right'.

In her case she wanted to look like she had it together, to try and look like that 'I knew more than I knew'.

Always trying to get things right is one way of proving to ourselves that we are enough and/or that we are worthy.

This is born from a misunderstanding that says,  to be loved we have to be perfect or we have to keep doing stuff to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of love.

Love is what we are made of, you don't have to work hard to get it because you are LOVE.

You cannot be separate from it, even though you do not always feel it.

Usually, I like to hear stories about how my guests struggled in an area of their lives but then discovered the freedom of giving themselves permission.

However, in this conversation, we went in the opposite direction.

Melissa talked about how she gave herself permission to experiment with a different way of responding to her husband.

If you want to hear what it is, listen to this episode to hear what she has to say about the Jab Fest and so much more.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In this Episode

This was a very light-hearted conversation,  nonetheless, Cindy touched upon a subject that might be an issue for many people.

Cindy talked about her anxiety disorder and how she learnt to listen to the prompts her body gives her when she is in an anxious state.

We often misunderstand or fail to see how ingenious feelings are.  Many of us for many years have tried to change our negative emotions.

Let's face it, how many of you enjoy feeling bad??  I most certainly don't.

However, resisting any emotional state will only keep it in place.  Moreover, feelings are a great sat nav.

If for e.g. you are feeling urgency, you might probably read that as a prompt to go faster and faster.

What if your body is gently reminding you to stop because you are going too fast??

Try it out, don't take my word for it, test it and see what happens.

Excerpt from a book Money by Arnold Patent:

"often we avoid feeling our feelings because we believe the process is too painful. Instead, we use our intellects to attempt to resolve the situation without realising that the sole purpose for creating the situation is to bring up the feelings so that we can reclaim the power that we have hidden".

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

During this conversation, I couldn't quite link the aim of the podcast to her story.

In actual fact at one point during the conversation, I was a little confused.

I was wondering how permission formed any part of what Tracey decided to do with her husband and children.

Then in an instant, I saw how Tracey gave herself permission to begin a new adventure.

Even though the decision she took was painful for her, she took the bold step.

Many or perhaps most people associate birth with the coming of a new child.

Birth comes in different shapes and forms, some of these shapes are not always comfortable, easy or simple.

I was silent for a good few seconds in this episode because I had to allow her story and the sacrifice she made to sink in.

I invite you to listen to this poignant story, one which clearly depicts what we do for the love of others.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In This Episode

First I have to come clean and say that I was listening to Cristiana with I don't believe you filters on.

Even though it's strange to admit it, I was doing the best that I could at that moment.

I love this quote of Maya Angelou: "do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better".

There were points in the conversation that I was literally listening with my mouth wide open.

I couldn't believe that there was truth in some of what she was saying.

The good news is that I didn't stop myself, I showed up and was myself. I was being perfectly human.

I really used to care about what people would think or say about me.

Truth is we care more about what we think of ourselves than we care about what others think.
Don't take my word for it, test it out yourself.
The next time you take something personally, notice what your inner critic will tell you.

I can almost guarantee that what you will hear is this: see I told you, you are and add whatever description it is you say to yourself.

People are only confirming what you already think about yourself, positive or negative.
If you didn't think it already it wouldn't make sense to you.

Cristiana and I are pretty much in agreement about the importance of being ourselves.

Her perspective is fresh, insightful and filled with love.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In This Episode

During the conversation, on more than one occasion,  I asked Nicky to give me concrete examples of stress.

The answer I was looking for did not come via concrete examples but from one very simple realisation. Listen closely and if you hear it I'd love to know what it is you heard.

In the meantime here are some questions for you to consider:

Are you trying to change yourself into an acceptable version of who you think people want you to be?

Are you a bad person because your desk/home/bedroom is untidy?

How much of your time do you spend in trying to adapt to others?

"People are going to make of me what they make of me and it has very little to do with what I do.

"All thinking is irrelevant. What we think is what we think. What goes on in my mind is almost none of my business unless I'm noticing it and its looking like that's relevant and then that seems a thing". Nicky Bartley

It takes a lot of energy to constantly monitor your behaviour.

Nicky talks about constantly monitoring herself because of a tidy desk policy.

How much of your thinking are you taking seriously?

It is safe to say that you might find yourself listening to this episode a couple of times because almost everything she shares is a golden nugget.

I heard something new every time I listened.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In this Episode

This conversation was recorded nearly six months ago and whilst I was editing it,  I realised that I was listening differently.

I heard something that I had already heard before but this time it was more profound.

Denise shed light on the heart of the reason why I started this podcast.

It is to inspire you to allow yourself to step into our light and in doing shine it on others.  The Light includes your darkness because in my mind without it we are incomplete.

She poses some very interesting questions and is also very honest about the challenges she has with giving herself permission to do whatever she wants.

Here are some of the things that occurred to me whilst I was listening:

Is it dangerous just being you?

What is the worst thing that could happen if you were to let go and show up?

Would you enjoy your life more?

Are you second-guessing yourself?

If that rings true for you, have you stopped to ask yourself why?

Have you made yourself smaller in terms of the life that you are living?

On another note do you do torment yourself with the following questions:

Who am I to do that?

Do I know enough?

Who cares what I think?

Do you have a crazy idea or an idea that you have labelled as crazy which has love at its core??

What’s stopping you?

Is it the narrative a story you tell yourself repeatedly, day in day out?

Is it a so called belief?

Belief is a thought its not the truth.  Its something you might have picked up from somewhere and you are living up to the idea on a subconscious level.

Something you were told as a child or something you heard from anywhere.

I thoroughly enjoyed having this conversation and even though its a tad long it is filled with golden nuggets.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

Everybody has their own idea of the words Permission to be You.  Here is some of Julian's version.

A paraphrased quote:

'To be you is your default setting it is naturally who you are. Its about doing nothing.  Its about just allowing who you are to come out. It doesn’t take any effort in fact its about unlearning some stuff. We all have wings and they are designed to fly.'

Have you unknowingly clipped your wings?

Are you using the full thrust and span of the wings that you have been given?

Or Are you playing small and settling for what you think you should be doing?

If so how are you getting in your own way?

Are you listening to the narrative that says you should be doing things to achieve success?

What brings you joy? Find that out first and then go do that!!

Are you letting your light shine on others by embracing both your dark and light side?

We also talked about grief and how different people experience various forms of loss.

Death in a family.

Separation

Divorce.

This was a wonderful conversation filled with wisdom and insights.

I especially enjoyed Julian's presence and his fresh look on life and the fact that he was the first male guest on my show.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

Yarraka sheds light on some of the things that were uncovered as a result of her going live on Facebook with her son Quaden in February 2020.

Yarraka talks about a number of sensitive issues, namely racism, discrimination, bullying and an extraordinarily high rate of teenage indigenous suicides.

She talks about Quaden's journey up till now. The number of operations he has had to have throughout the course of his very young life. As well as the bullying and hate he was subjected to.

When I asked Quaden why he doesn't like school which might have been a silly question: He said: because of the bullies.

I was alarmed as well as touched when Yarraka told me about a suicide note of 12-year-old girl. "Maybe when I'm gone the racism will stop"

In spite of what they have been through Yarraka remains hopeful, its not all doom and gloom and every cloud has  a silver lining.

This podcast episode is well worth of your time.

This is a cause that needs support and all our love and compassion.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

There were several things that struck me  but my favourite is the following:

'I don't need to be agreed with and I don't even need to be understood. Trying to be understood is kind of grasping for love in itself.'

I sought to be understood and sometimes I still do, what I had not realised is that what I was really looking for is love.

To reach a point of not needing to be understood is truly liberating, try it?!. Let go of the need of being understood and see what happens.

As I was editing this conversation I was having a chat with a friend. 

During the exchange I had a realisation.  Some of the words being used reminded me of what I did to myself for years on end.

I tried to beat the human out of me, by constantly trying to understand myself and become a better human. By trying to understand how I tick as if that was the answer to all my problems.

Insights do not come through prolonged thought processes or striving to understand yourself or anyone else for that matter.  Change or shifts sometimes happen without your interference or without you necessarily doing anything about it.

In this conversation, Judy and I talk about how liberating it is to let go of trying.

Here are some questions for you to consider as you listen:

Are you trying to be a good person, in order for someone to love you?

Are you trying to be what you think somebody wants you to be?

If you stop trying to be good, does that automatically mean that you will be bad?

Is it ok to be bad?

Can you let go of all that you believe or think to be true and be open to another way of being?
Do you think that you are in control of whatever comes out of your mouth?

Can being who you are be enough without you thinking that it's not good enough?

This conversation is filled with gold, I invite you to listen without being attached to any outcome.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

IN THIS EPISODE

A member of my group posed some wonderful questions about boundaries and essentially about saying no.
I found it so interesting that I was inspired to record a podcast about it.
Following you will find some of the questions.

So what happens when someone starts engaging with you talking with you and you don't have space for it or the interest?!

How do you care for your boundaries and yourselves when the other is not tuned in or aware?

What is your responsibility to take care of yourself?

How do you voice your needs and your boundaries in that moment to someone?

What would you want to say to the person?

Do you give yourself permission to really say that to speak that, that's what's true?

If not, what do you do?

I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please share them.  You never know who might listen.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

If you are struggling with giving clear boundaries please do not hesitate to reach out and we can have a conversation.

In this Episode

I have been trying to write down some bullet points in the form of questions like I normally do when I release a podcast but this time I am at a loss for words.

I have also literally been delaying releasing this very huge gift because I wanted to keep it for myself. Oops, sorry!

So finally after a rather long delay here it is:

Terri was my coach and the very first person who pointed me to the truth of who we all are.

Considering her traumatic childhood and upbringing one would think, or, rather in my world, it seems logical that it might have been easy for her to get on the wrong track.

Instead, Terri blossomed into one of the most beautiful women I have ever met.

She genuinely sees people in all their glory!

It was an extremely special conversation between two very wonderful women.

Yes, you read it correctly, I have included myself.

I am telling my truth as I see it!

Does that sound like bragging to you?

If it does then you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror and start to see how the universe intended you to be -  A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING!!

Are you telling your truth?

If you don't tell your truth then who will?

What more can I say?  I invite you to listen to this episode as you would listen to music.

Listen simply for the sake of hearing a story.

If you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please share them.  You never know who might listen.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

This is inspired by Caroline flack and dedicated to all those people we will never have the pleasure of meeting.

It is also dedicated to the people who were left behind because their loved ones decided to exit and put an end to their suffering.

I was touched as well as disturbed by the number of posts that popped up on my timeline.

It made me think about the countless number of people who ended their own lives because it seemed like the only way that they could find peace.

In this episode unlike the others, I talk about the intangible, the formless, that which we cannot see, at least not with our physical eyes.

On some level, we all know it's there and many of us are constantly seeking this elusive constant feeling of happiness.

Through my own experience of life, I know that searching and seeking is futile.

You cannot find that which is already present.

I made this episode in the hope that perhaps that someone who is going through a very tough time might stumble upon it. 

They might hear something that could possibly stop him or her from leaving this world prematurely. 

Let us listen to one another with an open heart and mind, nobody needs fixing, all we have to do is be a silent presence! 

I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please share them.  You never know who might listen.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

In this solo episode I talk about the Inside Out Paradigm through this short episode you can gain an understanding of how our mind works.

This model/paradigm has helped me immensely, actually, I will go far as saying that it was freeing to discover that everything starts and ends with me.

With this understanding I now know where my feelings come from and as a result I know that my thoughts about whatever I think about what people think or might say about me are simply made up and not reliable.  If you listen you will understand what I am talking about ;). 

I now know that I do not need anyone's permission to be myself, the only person to give me permission I seek is me.

I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please share them.  You never know who might listen.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

Considering that Mira is relatively young, in my eyes she already has had a rich and varied experience of life. Simply just repeating all the names of the places that she lived had me out of breath.  This conversation is jam-packed with gold, its one insight after the other.

Here is a very short summary of the conversation:

"Trusting yourself is constant learning. Sometimes you fail in the things you think you know but then you learn." Mira Griffiths.

How much of your life do you think that you are planning?

In how far do you trust your thinking?

How are you being congruent with yourself?

Are you doing things that you want to do rather than what others think you should do?

Are you looking for permission to be You?

If so from whom??

What form of torture are you using to try to be somebody else??

Are you allowing yourself to be wrong?

Are you allowing yourself to fail?

Give yourself permission to be wrong.

Give yourselves permission to fail.

I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please share them.  You never know who might listen.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

Farah has such a wonderful way of expressing herself. She turns drama into a hilarious story, she really had me in fits.

Amongst other things she spoke about motherhood and how she thought she should be to be a good mother. That is all I am giving away.

Here are some questions for you to ponder:

What and how do you have to be a good mother?

How high have you set the bar for yourself? This applies to anything in your life!!

What image are you holding of how you should be?

We hold on to images until we realize that there is nothing to hold onto.

You have an internal compass or an internal navigator, do you listen to it?

Are you settling for anything even though you are unhappy? If so, stop, right now and ask yourself why??

We are spiritual beings having a human experience, as much as I know this to be true,  we are not superhuman. Stop take a rest and for goodness sake, stop beating yourself up.

I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please share them.  You never know who might listen.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

In spite of feeling uncomfortable and somewhat afraid  she still decided to be my guest and for that I am truly grateful. Thank you Jen

We had an easy going discussion, amongst other things, about how she tried to keep peace in what she called a 'chaotic household'!

What is your number one surviving skill?

What is your go to emotion when you feel threatened?

What are you still doing now, today, in this moment that does not serve you any longer?

Is it comfortable for you to play a role? Or has it become exhausting?

How does your body speak to you?

Do you listen to the cues that your body gives you?

Last but not least my difficulty with the word 'authenticity'.

Do you find joy in being authentically you?

Finally a wonderful insight from Jen which is almost at the end of the conversation.  Wait for it.

I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please feel free to share them. Definitely worth a listen, even if I say so myself ;)

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

In this Episode

This conversation made me think about a quote by Carl Jung which I saw earlier on this week: 'If the path before you is clear, you're probably on someone else's. Mayda makes a short but powerful reference to this.

What are you saying yes to?
How is it affecting your health?
When and how do you stop to rest?
Is it possible that your need to succeed and or be accepted might be actually killing you instead of helping you?

Could it be that your need to succeed is actually just you trying to prove that you are worthy?

How far will you go before you stop and realise that you have got nothing to prove?

In spite of having everything, is there a small part of you that is dying or are you still feeling empty?

Have you been driven to achieve, to produce, to bring in more revenues, whatever the case maybe and forgotten what joy feels like?

Are you stuck in the corporate rat race?

What has to happen for you to stop and do something different??

I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please feel free to share them.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

It’s really hard for me to choose which points to highlight because once again it’s filled with so many beautiful insights and wisdom.

Here are some of them:

*Sensuality and integrating it more into our lives

*Women and the many roles they play in society, easy to forget who they are

*How people can come back to themselves through movement

*Do you express your sensuality, if so how do you do that?

*Are you stepping fully into your feminine power?

*In how far are you expressing yourself fully?

*Where do you need a boundary in your life?

*Who is stepping over your boundaries?

*Where do you need to be more like ‘this’ in your life?

*Where do you need to be less like ‘this’? This being whatever it may be.

*Are you open to receiving?

*Are you more of a giver?

This and so much more, I invite you to listen and if you feel that someone could benefit from these conversations please feel free to share them.

I always have a vision of what an episode should sound like, (crying is not included), for it to be able to have some sort of impact on whoever listens. I guess I have absolutely no control over that, every single conversation has a different story and takes a life of its own. Albeit with a similar message and those who need to hear it will do so.

I cannot really express what this conversation did for me because words would not do it justice.  It was a very moving and emotional experience and impacted me.

I’ll do my best to highlight a few of the things that struck me but really and truly all of it is bursting with wisdom and experience.

Jenny never gave up on her dreams. It is never too late to start something, to study, to find a new job or to write a book for that matter.

Jenny: “I always knew, as a knowing, that there was something more, always but I kept it to myself because I knew it was sacred".

Find out how old Jenny was the first time she found a job,  when she wrote her book and how it came into being.

Is there a book you want to write but talk yourself out of writing it??

How often have you put yourself last instead of first???

Do you allow yourself to feel joy?

Do you spend more time doing or being?

Are you giving yourself permission to be who you are?

Take a listen, I would love to hear from you.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.

In this Episode

Do you know what is at stake when you stop yourself from doing anything your heart calls you to do??

Anke’s perspective about what is at stake, after she left East Germany changed the way I look at taking a risk.

Listen to how leaving her home town forever changed the way she looked at doing things that were calling her to take action!!

She asked herself this question: If I could have anything, what would I wanna do?

When did you ask yourself that question, dear listeners??

Think about it, do we really take risks, does it involve courage or are we gearing up to fight a paper tiger??

How many times have you said yes when you meant no?

Saying yes when we mean NO can cost us soooo much.

Have you got any idea, ANY IDEA how POWERFUL it is to be you without having to apologise about it??

As I listened to the recording the following statement really struck me.

Emma, " It almost looked as if, if I told myself and bullied myself, it somehow protected me from others doing it!!"

Is there anything you punish yourself for, it could be unconscious or conscious??

Stop and think about it if you will, it really is worth inquiring.

Nothing you have done in the past deserves punishment.

Listen to why Emma was punishing herself and it was only until she forgave herself that she saw that what she was doing to herself was not really about what was happening.  “I thought I was an evil person and I thought I should be punished”

Emma, 'I am weird'.

Diane, 'What is your definition of weird Emma? Tell me three things about yourself that you think is weird?'  Listen to what she had to say about it.

What I think: To me, it's simple, weird is a label that we give to others or ourselves because it does not fit with our ideal version of self or others.

In truth no one is weird, everyone is unique in the way they show up in the world, just because it doesn’t fit with how you think one should behave or be in the world does not make it weird.

All the above and more.

In this episode, Leanne talks about how being herself helped deepen her relationships and made some of the friendships more meaningful.  She found that she either attracted people or repelled them.  She made a lot of new friends and she did not lose that many friends,    " a lot less than I would have expected". She also managed to let go of many of the perceptions she had about what other people would think about her and she realised that many of the negative vibes that she was picking up were not from her friends but herself. 

 Expand by Leanne Webber

You stay small for far too long. Bound. Contracted. Waiting for someone to hear your song. They can't  You're muted.  Yes, you are moving along.  But slowly. You're stunted. Always worried you're doing it wrong. Self-conscious. Inhibited.  Scared of showing your true colours. Not seen. Invisible. It's safer to blend into the crowd. Be the same. Predictable.  Stop wondering what others think. Who cares? It's your journey. For fuck sake stop judging yourself. We all make mistakes. It's learning.  Now is the time to take a risk. If it doesn't work out You'll get over it. Rest when you need to but then give it your all. It's your time and energy. Use it.  You're much better than you think. Believe. Accept it. Uniquely you. With your special kink. Show it to the world. Own it.  It's time to stop hiding yourself.  Show up. Step out. Find your voice. Express yourself. Scream. Shout.  Drink in every moment selflessly. Taste it. Enjoy it. Give others the freedom to do the same. Encourage. Allow it.  Give yourself permission to live your dreams. Take up space. Be. Inspire others to be who they are. Love. See.  Give all that you have and take what you need. Serve. Demand. Let your petals  Slowly unfurl. Bloom. Expand.

In this episode, Christine shares something that she had never talked about publicly before.  She also talks about how her gifts could have been misunderstood in the past so she hid them until she realised that she was given these gifts to help others heal.  

"I love helping people to find their pattern of possibilities, to get away from vicious cycles as they get stuck and that can be anything from, pain, depression to finances and work or just love and relationships."

This was a great conversation with some lovely nuggets about the power of being ourselves.  

I hope you enjoy it as much as Christine and I did recording it. 

A discussion about how being ourselves is the most powerful thing we can do for ourselves and ultimately for others.