Dead Horse

A new Dead Horse episode?? Omg?? The horses discuss Spy Kids 5, the Netflix release that everyone remembers and can't stop talkin about. Dixon wears a very detailed hat and Becky gets Huluween tattooed on her forehead.

SEASON FINALE! The Horses ride off into the sunset, taking one last trip with Jesse & Celine in the Before Trilogy's final (?) installment, Before Midnight. The 2013 romantic drama picks up with Jesse & Celine in their early 40's, as they break out into an argument that will test the fabric of their entire relationship. The Horses discuss arguing with partners, the inherent challenges of building a relationship and being alive, divorce, and what it takes to believe in love against all odds. Is love meant to last forever? Can it? What does that take? Lots of "Lmao's" and "Rofl's" in this episode of our comedy and film podcast.

Dead Horse's experiment with reviewing good movies for grownups continues, with Richard Linklater's 2004 masterpiece "Before Sunset." Julie Delpy & Ethan Hawke return, co-writing the script for a real-time romantic drama that makes an artistic case for sequels. How do I write a funny summary about this one god damb. We reviewed three movies about killer sharks and this movie is more riveting and high-stakes than all of them combined. Love is real. Movies are good, actually. 

The horses are back to discuss: an actually...good movie? We jump into some heavier themes like... what is love? What does it mean to be a young person in 1995? Are cellphones good, or maybe are they prisons? Is Ethan Hawke a hot romantic guy or an annoying baby who is totally blowing it? Is Julie Delpy...better than everyone?  

Do you wish public schools would be abolished? Do godless liberals make you want to descend on the Capitol to protect our children? Do you wear matching pajama sets to bed like a cartoon character? Then you'll LOVE God's Not Dead: We The People, the fourth and most openly deranged entry of the series! Come for Pastor Dave's surfer hair, stay for the fascist dogwhistles! HE'S ROARING!!!!

thank you youve helped a old womans faith to grow in these trying times. Jesus is coming soon. my son was 5 years old when he spoke in tongues and his favorite verse was Revelation 22;20 . blblblblblbl

It's time to take up a third of our lecture time for three weeks worth of classes because you refused to sign the agreement that constitutes 30% of your final grade everyone-- it's GOD'S NOT DEAD! The horses and special guest David Parker kick off a heinous new miniseries with a bang, poring over the execrable first entry of the hate-filled fundie franchise. Be sure to text 100 of your friends about this podcast while you're listening to it.

The Horses close out the Robert Langdon trilogy with a "bang" (that "bang" was the sound of the pope blowing up). Special guest and good friend Connor Scully joins Becky, Dixon, and PJ to pore over INFERNO: a movie that inarguably contains events, actions, and performers.

The Horses excitedly welcome special guest Katie Hughes to the stable and then gesture wanly at ANGELS & DEMONS, a film which may or may not be even more boring than the DA VINCI CODE depending on which of the hosts you ask. If nothing else it's admirable that a movie about discovering antimatter and then using it to blow up the pope can make you this tired.

Do all the stuff characters in Nightmare on Elm Street movies do to stay awake gang-- it's THE DA VINCI CODE! The horses welcome back Ellen Selby and then immediately start apologizing to Ellen Selby for making her watch this movie again. Our thoughts? Unscramble the phrase "adaline slipknots wrought" for our review!

(Answer: "we all took naps during this")

Say "boo" at your best friend and watch him absolutely freak out, watch him react like you cheated on your wife with his wife-- it's Casper's Scare School! The horses and special guest Stephen Jones dissect the final flick in casper's filmed ouvre; it's... not unpleasant! I'd give it a thumbs-up but like a half-committed one. Maybe I'd even follow up the the thumbs-up by saying "well, y'know" to indicate that the thumb is compromised. 

This crazy white boy wont stop kissing girls and is dead still. Rude uncles go absolutely Chistmas with it. We dont really know what happened here either

The Horses welcome actor and horse-friend Jenna Kray to the stable, then get loopy trying to figure out what the deal is with Uncles. CASPER MEETS WENDY asks a lot of questions, but Becky, PJ, Jenna, and Dixon mostly choose to ignore those and posit their own-- are rams male? 

Get your uncles out of wherever you keep them folks-- it's CASPER: A SPIRITED BEGINNING! Becky, Dixon, PJ and comedian Shaunak Godkhindi pore over this direct-to-video debacle with a fine-tooth comb and try to figure out what led to the most precipitous drop in quality from one film to another in Dead Horse History (no joke; it involves the IDF).

BOO! The Freaky Foals scare up another miniseries, this time covering undead digital baby Casper: The Friendly Ghost. Our series kicks off with the technologically groundbreaking 1995 film "Casper," which features earnest grief, syruppy sentimentality, and abusive uncle ghosts from Jersey making unspeakably bad pop culture references. The horses discuss loss, memory, nostalgia, James Horner's body of work, and uncomfortable child romance plots. One of PJ's nerdiest behind-the-scenes deep-dives ever. We promise the next one after this one is super funny and not two hours long!

The Horses and their filmmaker friend Katherine Dudas put the nail in the coffin of the Fifty Shades series and then more nails, they just keep nailing this coffin shut until at a certain point there is more nail than coffin but they're driven to keep going, keep nailing even more nails in this coffin because they've seen what's in the coffin and they don't like it so hand them another nail please please there's so little time left we have to use more nails on this coffin. It's FIFTY SHADES FREED! not a very good movie if you ask me

The horses get flushed and loopy as Christian, Ana, and other named characters from the Fifty Shades series (I think there's a guy named John; not looking this up) violently reject narrative function, feeling, and even the slightest feints at authentic human behavior to present us with FIFTY SHADES FREED. It's actually kind of fun. I mean it's not great but also it's not like people were walking into this being like "I hope this knocks AGUIRRE: THE WRATH OF GOD off my letterboxd favorites" y'know

After eight rounds with the Leprechaun, the horses are itching to take on someone who is trying his best to sound like he's not from Ireland: it's the FIFTY SHADES OF GREY miniseries! Join Becky, Dixon, PJ, and special guest Gloria White as they try to figure out "what in the hell is this," "whose fault is this," and "how do they want us to feel about this." SPOILER: we don't fuckin know  

It's off into the sunset for our Leprechaun-Loving Horses, as "Leprechaun Returns" marks (for now, anyway) the end of the franchise. "Psycho Goreman" director Steven Kostanski brings the series back to its roots, with a direct sequel that unites Mark Holton's Ozzie with a new cast and a new feller named Linden Porco (Linden Porco) playing the Leprechaun. How much self-awareness is too much-- just HOW far can a tongue go into a cheek?? Whats this vague social conscience doing in MY Leprechaun? Whats this-- a bechdel test? And finally, each Horse's ranking of the best entries in the series. Farewell, Lubdan! You're Valid, Hunny!!

The horses are back to discuss: Leprechaun Origins! Topics include: Who... is this for?, WWE movie stars, turning down money from family, and being three neurotypical and wealthy podcast co-hosts. Wow, we could've done something else but we did this!

The horses are back! And discuss: Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood! Warwick's swan song, movie formulas, Dark Gentlemen, newgroundsdotcom, and wait, characters actually SPENDING GOLD??? Who. would've. thought.

The Horses bring Honey 3 guest and actor Irene Polk back into the stable to pick apart the shockingly potent, enduring, profoundly weird "Leprechaun in the Hood." Where did these endearing protagonists come from? Real stakes and regard for human life? In MY Leprechaun movie? Transgender issues, the inescapability of poverty, and unprecedented audio issues: it's all in here, friends!

Space! The Most Tedious Frontier! Your beloved Horses struggle through the Leprechaun franchise's sci-fi outing, which sees the return of Aussie cult film director Brian Trenchard-Smith and the zaniest setting yet. Space marines! Space princesses! Space bisexual lab assistants! Space boobs! What is this franchise's fixation with cross-dressing and gender-swapping? Why does this movie come short in all the places that Leprechaun 3 was such a secret success? Tag along with us and find out! 

The horses are back to discuss Leprechaun 3 and are joined by the hilarious Max Spinelli! Together they discuss: So, the leprechaun has a brother? Why is every actor in this movie incredibly talented and genius? Why do all pawn shops have informative Leprechaun Lore on a CD rom? Is Jennifer Anniston Australian? Did Max have a hand in the financing of Leprechaun 3? Wait- someone in this movie was nominated for an Oscar?????

The horses discuss Leprechaun 2! Does it fall into Wannabe-TheRoom-Territory or Accidentally-Troll2-Territory? Will Cody and Bridget have a traditional ceremony or just elope with a few close friends (Morty)? Is Lubdan a misunderstood queer icon? Is this the scariest movie made in 1994? Will Becky remember to use her podcast microphone she bought with money or will she accidentally record with her Apple Headphones? (No, she will record with her Apple Headphones)

I WANT ME MINISERIES! The Colts go Celtic when the Horses embark on their longest miniseries to date: Trimark's LEPRECHAUN series! Warwick Davis stars as Lubdan the Leprechaun, a weird little guy who sucks, who menaces all manner of stooges, oafs, and Jennifer Anistons with poems and violence. What exactly are the Leprechaun's powers? What exactly are his weaknesses? Could someone negotiate with him if they stopped to consider it? Aren't his demands pretty actionable? John the Horses as none of these questions are answered, and who knows, they may strike podcasting gold!

Filmmaker and sister Wendy Granger joins the horses to dissect the as-of-now final entry in the UNDERWORLD Saga. Are you #TeamMichael or #Team the newer hunk I whose name I can't remember right now? Is it Daniel? I think it's Daniel. Just looked it up and it's David

This week The Horses slow their roll, and also make their roll a lot more washed out and visually muddy and they also make it way more boring and get rid of a lot of the elements that made their past three rolls kind of exciting or cool. This roll is a lot harder to sit through. This is a really uninteresting roll. It's UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING! 

Those Freaky Foals are Likin' Those Lycans!! Sorry. It's a prequel and Michael Sheen and Bill Nighy are featured prominently and Dixon and PJ had a fun time but basically Becky's not sure so they talk about it and what not for some of the episode and stuff, and also PJ knows some facts about movies. Makeup FX and production design legend Patrick Tatopoulos slides into the director's chair, series creator Kevin Grevioux returns to the supporting cast, and Michael Sheen gets boned on a cliff. I hope your having a good day thank's for reading all of this :) Hey

This week, writer, comedian, and filmmaker Emmett Crockett joins the horses to painstakingly pore over 2006's UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION! Will they like it? Yeah 

We're back and more back than ever! DEAD HORSE returns for season two and kicks things off with either a bang, a sort of affirmative "ehh, I liked it" kind of noise, or an "ehh" noise a lot like the last one but a bit more depressed-sounding depending on which of the three hosts you ask. That's right folks-- it's UNDERWORLD! 

HO HO HORSE! The Merry Mares take a magical yuletide adventure into right-wing evangelical ideology, straight from the mind of their new pal, former child star turned megachurch pastor and all-around regular guy, Kirk Cameron! Is this a movie? Haha :--) Fascism degree factory Liberty University Film Department's best and brightest bring us Kirk's carbound lecture to his brother-in-law, a ticking time bomb named Christian. The holy purpose of being an obedient consumer! Knowingly re-appropriating Pagan imagery and holidays to mean whatever you can bend your lil mind to! Santa, the ass-whooping free speech warrior for Christ! Rich butter! 

Much like how it is in real life, Turkeys are these Horses' only natural predator. Becky, Dixon, and PJ are bullied, confounded, and perhaps beaten by 2013's inane animated comedy Free Birds, a movie in which still images appear in sequence at a high speed that dupes one's brain into perceiving motion. A character says "good talk" after a talk that doesn't go well, which is pretty funny,

Dixon, Becky and PJ arise from self-imposed slumber to record themselves shifting from a positive attitude to a deeply negative one about DRACULA 2000 over the course of one single hour! By episodes end, the horses find themselves drained by Drac 2k, a half-goth mishmash of bad and bizarre ideas executed with a minimum of flair. So we're gonna take another month long break. Bye!! 

The Horses ride (briefly!) into the sunset on a suspiciously high note-- that's right folks, DEEP BLUE SEA 3 is... a good movie. No one is more surprised than us. We're taking a little hiatus so's we can have some lives, but expect us back with more guests, more horses, and more completely audible instances of Becky's chair breaking this Fall!  

Deep beneath the roiling waves of the pacific, our sharpest minds have been performing ghastly, unethical experiments on one of nature's most fierce and intellignet specimens for decades-- but it'll all be worth it if they can come up with a cure for the greatest scourge mankind has faced in its brief collective lifetime: Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. The Horses dive into Deep Blue Sea 2 and discover it to be deeper, bluer, and sporting a hat even more like a shark fin than its predecessor! 

Pray to your god, make friends with a bird, violate the Harvard Compact, and chuck a European of indeterminate origin at a big window, because the Horses are diving into the chum-filled waters of DEEP BLUE SEA! We dissect 1999's sorta-smash-hit celebration of sharks and shark-adjacent science, and wonder aloud why Janice Soprano got blown up so quick. For 60ish minutes you'll hear what it's like not to be damned. 

The Horses are here to tell you, without reservation, that Honey Four RULES. The fourth and final entry in the series represents something of a weird, buried artifact; it was hardly marketed (or even documented) whatsoever-- but WHY? Teyana Taylor makes a case for herself as not just a solid actor but a bona fide movie star, and the Horses get to deliver their rare unqualified rave of a movie. Honey 4 whips ass and art is everywhere!

Our Stalwart Stallions have enlisted the help of the hilarious Atlanta-based actor Irene Polk to decode this strange new direction of the Honey saga. What in the hell is this new textured, realistic tone and what new wrinkles does it add to Bille Woodruff: Auteur? Yes the screenwriter was white, but was she "went to Harvard and wrote three sequels to the Prince & Me" white? Weird colorism! The theatrical process! The worst love interest in the history of Honey Movies! It's all in here folks! 

The Boogeying Broncos take you inside one of the most feverish episodes they've ever recorded: the 2011 sequel to Honey, directed by returning auteur Bille Woodruff. How would our Horses fare if they competed on the daytime reality show "Dance Battle Zone?" What makes a "bad" movie likable or fun? Who let poor Seychelle Gabriel's accent happen-- was it Bille? We also discuss the possible reasons that immaculate twink Randy Wayne could have been cast as the romantic lead-- probably merit, mostly. This is the Honey 2 of episodes! 

"I said, I want HONEY." The horses take on their next film series- Honey (2003) directed by Bille Woodruff! After watching this heartwarming, vanilla dance flick, the gang discusses: their continued respect for Jessica Alba, the evolution of Bille's directorial career, winning performances by unreasonably hot people, corny/iconic moments, and what good dancing is. 

Our girl is back, and problematic as ever! The horses take on: a modern-day Bridget, a perplexing love triangle, anti-millennial "jokes" :) , Patrick Dempsey's inexplicable choices, and Italians.

Big Lawyer. Big Liar. Big Dilemma. The horses welcome their first ever guest-- Bridget Jones scholar Ellen Selby-- and remain extremely apologetic to their first ever guest-- Bridget Jones scholar Ellen Selby-- because they made her watch the film Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason again

Oh yes we fucking did. The Horses embark on a new series: a rare rom-com franchise, the uber-loved BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY. We discuss painful 2001isms, unnecessary constant humiliation of lovely female leads, the well acted and sometimes reprehensible male love interests, fat-shaming of thin women, and all the stuff that got that girl an OSCAR NOM.

The Horses face the for-now finale of Universal's misbegotten Mummy series, 2017's the Mummy!

It mostly sucks! 

HERE WE GO AGAIN! The Horses take on the truly depressing MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, the final outing for the O'Connell family, and Brendan's last crack at the bat for the series. We discuss the unsettling absence of Rachel Weisz, the Chinese coproduction of this movie, the inability to recapture the charms of the first two... and whatever happened to Brendan Fraser. Content warning: sexual assault. Solidarity and love to survivors forever. We also talk about Yetis.

Your Favorite Funky Foals are desecrating an all new grave with 2001's THE MUMMY RETURNS! Stephen Sommers and darn-near the entire cast return to double-down on everything Becky loved (and everything Dixon hella didn't) about the original Mummy, as Brendan Fraser enters the era of the Middle Part-- and begins to get taken for granted as screen presence. The Horses talk about what it's like to adore a movie against all logic, whether or not the magic of the first movie can be recaptured, and the stylistic fingerprint (and limitations) of the mighty Alan Silvestri. God damn this episode is long. Follow us on instagram at @deadhorsepodcast okay??

HEY BENNY! This week, the Podcasting Ponies resurrect Universal's Mummy franchise for another hyper-earnest, ultra-forensic deep dive on Bisexual America's favorite imperialist adventure series, as well as the peculiar skillset/career of one unmistakable goober who captured the hearts of a generation: Brendan God Damn Fraser. The horses discuss nostalgia-for-nostalgia, orientalism, film music, and the absolute dang racket of physically obtaining a college degree. Brendan call me

She's back! AGAIN! The prancing ponies wave a warm farewell to the vanilla-creepy Annabelle series in the final (for now) entry in the horses' second miniseries. The gang examines the brain of series screenwriter Good Goin' Gary the Dimwit Dauberman as he steps up to the director's chair, the themes and relative success of the series as a whole, and the national babysitter's union. We also announce our next miniseries-- tune in to find out for yourself!

"Those awful Horses are at it again"- Gene Siskel. This time, our Merry Mares investigate the improbably solid prequel-to-a-spinoff ANNABELLE: CREATION, from the mind of gifted internet filmmaker turned Time Warner workhorse David S. Sandberg. The gang discuss how a good director can (or can't) elevate thin material, what makes a good "gag," and how come it is it that how when you do, the number 70 its, like how it is almost like it's pretty much just one number away from 71 when you thank about it ha ha know what i fuckn mean? Dam dude that doll's all Fucked up