I Should Say That Out Loud

Have you ever struggled in the workplace? I had a marvelous time interviewing my first guest this season, Genie Love, who is a Neurodiversity Coach for businesses, organizations and individuals. The topics we discussed, including the three pillars of her program, especially mindfulness, as well as other topics, are beneficial for anyone with autism, ADHD and/or ADD. And I think even neurotypical folks will find her advice helpful as well. I wish I had had Genie along for my recent discussions of my autism diagnosis in my workplace, which as you will hear in this discussion had many speed bumps and hurdles along the way. If every workplace had Genie as a coach, we could all look forward to going to work on a daily basis, and we could grow individually and collectively as well. Please share your thoughts and feedback with us so that we can follow up with additional information and even invite Genie back for another interview. Thank you as always for joining me!

What do I mean when I say, "I Should Say That Out Loud"? what exactly should I say out loud? This is the topic of this month's theme. And this week I talk about things I believe we should say to protect ourselves.

It's difficult for me and for many people with autism to say certain things that are needed to be said in order to protect ourselves. I only learned how to stand up for myself as I raised my children. My love for them gave me the courage and boldness to stand up for them. And then as I realized that I'm worthy of loving myself as much as I love my children, I finally found the courage to say difficult things in order to protect myself out loud as well.

It's taken me decades to learn these important verbal skills. It's not easy, but it's possible.

I'm so excited to tell you about my new sponsor!

When Neurodiversity enters your life, or your child's life - it can be an overwhelming time with no clear direction for the journey ahead. Thanks to my podcast sponsor Neurodiversity Training International, you can avail of weekly live online classes with Neurodivergent adults, professionals, allies and ask your questions at live Q and A sessions - and have a supportive community full of discussion boards where you are not in the wilderness and going through the journey alone. Simply copy and paste this link (or find it on my linktr.ee link in my Instagram bio) for your 30 day free trial and only $11 a month thereafter.

https://www.neurodiversity-training.net/a/2147529347/Dbu5Y5kG

Happy April! I'm so pleased to finally be able to join in on the celebration of Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month after some poorly timed technical difficulties. Let's dive right in to this month's theme, and this week's topic. What do I mean when I say, "I Should Say That Out Loud"? what exactly should I say out loud? This is the topic of this month's theme. And to start off, I believe we should say nice things, for many reasons. Yes, I believe that we should all say nice things out loud. This is a beneficial practice not only for others, but for ourselves as well. But what I learned through the process of creating this episode is that the mere fact of other people saying nice things to me over the years played a huge factor in my growth process of developing my ability to speak clearly and confidently, so that I could be understood by others and so that I could connect with other people. This was a huge realization for me, and an emotional one too. Watch this episode through to the end to see just how deeply this realization hit me! What may seem like basic simple advice is not so commonly or instinctively known to people with autism. It definitely was not for me. Join me on this journey of sharing simple yet profound advice, and through the process of sharing my progression in communication, realizing just how profound it has been to receive positive feedback from people over the years. It's a simple and easy gesture that we can all put into our daily practice to impact and benefit the autism community and the world at large. Let's grow the awareness and acceptance of autism together! I'm so excited to tell you about my new sponsor! When Neurodiversity enters your life, or your child's life - it can be an overwhelming time with no clear direction for the journey ahead. Thanks to my podcast sponsor Neurodiversity Training International, you can avail of weekly live online classes with Neurodivergent adults, professionals, allies and ask your questions at live Q and A sessions - and have a supportive community full of discussion boards where you are not in the wilderness and going through the journey alone. Simply copy and paste this link (or find it on my linktr.ee link in my Instagram bio) for your 30 day free trial and only $11 a month thereafter. Thank you for joining me! https://www.neurodiversity-training.net/a/2147529347/Dbu5Y5kG

This week I finish up unpacking all the many ways that autism affects me on a daily basis. I talk about things like not knowing how to dress properly for certain events, fidgeting, adjusting my clothes, adjusting myself in a chair, taking a long time to transition between events, forgetting what I'm shopping for if I don't make a list, and more.

I've already thought of additional things to add to the list that I forgot about, and I'm sure I will continue to think of more, because autism has so many effects, and it takes a lot of thought process to even recognize all of them when it's such a seemingly normal part of life.

But when you start to learn more about autism, you realize that not everyone experiences these things, or at least not to the same extreme. Thanks for listening, and please share any topics you'd like to hear me talk about.

When a friend asked me recently how autism affects me on a daily basis I knew it wasn't a simple or quick answer. 

I needed time to think about it and pay attention to daily life for a while to really wrap my head around all the many ways I'm affected by autism every day and be able to thoroughly answer that question.  

This episode is part 1 of that answer, which was much too long to post in a single episode. 

Even to list the ways autism affects me in a simple bullet point list wouldn't do them justice. 

They take explanation just to understand what I mean by them.  

If you can relate to this episode or list of ways that autism can affect someone, please share your thoughts. 

I'd love to hear your perspective! 

Thank you so much for tuning in.

What a coincidence that tomorrow is Valentine's Day, as this episode is all about a high school crush, my super secret high school crush!  

High school crushes can be filled with all sorts of emotions and memories. 

My HS crush, which started back in middle school band, was certainly not short on emotions and embarrassing moments, for me!  

Looking back, now that I've been diagnosed with autism, I can see many of the ways I went wrong in my crush, mainly in schemes that I kept to myself in my head instead of sharing with a trusted adult to gain some much needed wisdom.   

Thankfully I found that much needed wisdom a few years later through some wonderful mentors, but at the time, I stumbled through high school in some pretty comical ways. 

Again, thankfully, no major damage was done, and I only benefitted from my far-reaching ideas and schemes.   

Still, I would recommend getting advice whenever possible, especially as a teenager, autism or not!

Living life with autism is like living life as an underdog.   

This week I share a few excerpts from Malcolm Gladwell's book, "David and Goliath," and a couple of the underdog strategies he's noticed throughout history.  

Working in an environment with neurotypically brained co-workers is also a difficult experience day after day. 

So I also share a few excerpts from a book entitled, "Rising Above a Toxic Workplace," which I found helpful for me to rise above working with people who don't understand how the autistic brain can cause workplace difficulties.   

Now that I see my life in hindsight as an underdog, I can see how it's made me strong and enabled me to thrive in difficult situations, so much so that I seek them out! 

I love a challenge and learning new skills.

After almost 5 years of sharing my late autism diagnosis with close family and friends and more recently sharing it with a wider audience of old friends, new friends, acquaintances, and strangers, I've heard a wide variety of reactions from people.  

There seems to be 5 general categories of reactions that I've noticed. Some are great, some are not so great, and one is pretty sad. But I can't say that I've reacted the best to the news of others' autism diagnosis's in the past myself. 

I've done some of these very same things, unfortunately, before I started learning about it for myself.  

I think it's because of the tiny amount of information that's known about autism yet in the world, and especially about how differently it shows up for women and girls.   

That's why I'm so passionate about sharing my experiences to help change that, to help broaden the worlds' view of autism, and improve the support of anyone who receives the diagnosis, or who even learns for themselves that they may be on the spectrum, whether they're professionally diagnosed or not.  

Hopefully someday, when we talk about things like...can you believe doctors used to encourage pregnant women to smoke or drink to relax and reduce stress?...we'll also say something like, can you believe that doctors used to think that girls weren't autistic...along with many other unbelievable myths that will have been corrected...

The more I learn about autism, the more empowered I feel about living a more authentic life and letting people know about my struggles as well as the unique and different and beautiful way that my brain functions.  

In this week's episode I go through the emotions I felt when I was officially diagnosed, as well as the ways I cope with and feel about sharing or not sharing my diagnosis on a regular basis.    

I also share a fascinating viewpoint and excerpt from Temple Grandin's book "The Autistic Brain" about how autism can allow a person to be more creative by seeing the world so differently.

How comfortable are you with small talk? 

Me, not so much. I've always struggled with small talk, and that's why I had this book on my bookshelf, "The Fine Art of Small Talk" by Debra Fine. 

I've always been trying to improve this vital skill for my social awkwardness, for job strength, and for all-around improvement in meeting and getting along with people. But I have never been able to master it. 

Once I became aware of my autism and received a late diagnosis of being on the spectrum, this struggle began to make sense. 

But it doesn't mean that I don't want to keep trying. I've definitely improved over the years, although I have to purposefully think about it to make any small talk happen. It doesn't flow naturally for me. I don't even want to say how many years it took me to ask someone how they're doing after I answer their question to me of how I'm doing. That was a huge step forward, but then I lost momentum after that...ugh. Baby steps...

This was a great and comical review for me, and I hope helpful for many of you out there too. Please let me know if this was helpful, and any other thoughts I can share that are of interest to you as well!! 

Thanks for your support!

Being diagnosed with autism as an adult, even though I knew I was different all along, I never received professional help or therapies. Reading a book called "I Have Been Buried Under Years of Dust" by Valerie Gilpeer & Emily Grodin, has helped me realize that my dad teaching me to water ski when I was 11 years old was one of the best things he could have ever done for me, physically, emotionally, and autistically. And he was just trying to keep my sister and me busy and happy after our mom died when we were 10. 

Thanks to my dad, I did have fun in childhood despite the trauma of losing my mom coupled with undiagnosed autism and all the social awkwardness that brought. And it helped me develop a foundational love and special interest for physical fitness as well, which has also stayed with me and benefited me greatly. 

It's never too late to be diagnosed with autism, whether through self-diagnosis or with a qualified professional. The more knowledge you can gain, the more understanding you'll have to advocate for yourself and/or your loved ones and bring a greater joy and sweetness to daily life, amidst the struggles inherent in the life of anyone with autism. 

Together, we can support each other and bring a greater awareness to the world.

After a time of recovery and overcoming adversity, my mom wanted me, wanted us (my twin and I) back in her life. She brought us back into her home and gave me some of the most precious moments and memories before she was lost in a house fire. Trigger warning - this episode is very emotional.

Although I lost her physical presence in my life at the very young age of 10, my mom's spirit and legacy have lived on in my heart with vivid recollection. Being a woman is hard in this world, but my mom taught me how to persevere, never give up, be brave, take risks, pursue your dreams, and help others along the way.

After my mentors all mentioned the loss of my mom in the last two episodes, I realized I needed to tell her story. The story of my mom, a woman who portrays the history of women in the 20th century. She endured struggles, she pursued her dreams, she asked for help from another strong woman when she needed time to recover and overcome her circumstances. It was hard and sad to witness my mom go through so much, but it's made me the strong fighter I am as well as the proponent for other women that I am today. 

And along with the help of my mentors, I've been able to see all the good in my mom and take those parts of her and deliberately incorporate along the way into the mom that I've become. 

As I learn about myself from my mentors, I hope this episode helps you too! We cover 20 years of life's seasons in under an hour, and I've realized that so much can happen when you learn to ask for help! Last week I spoke with my mentor Barbara who first taught me how to ask for help. And then I was off and seeking help to become a better mom and a better speaker from these two strong women. And wow, was I blessed with so much more than I even asked for or imagined! 

Join me as I interview my mentors Jami English and Nancy Henry for the first time since my autism diagnosis. Hear from their perspective what it's been like watching me transform before their eyes over the 20 years of our friendship. I am certainly the mom, speaker and woman I am today because of these two wonderful women of God (as well as Barbara from last week as well)!

What a humbling, tender and funny experience to hear the love and continued insights from these ladies as we reminisce across the decades about young motherhood, watching our children grow into adults, battling cancer, family struggles, difficult people, a glimpse toward menopause and now autism diagnosis, as well as our faith interwoven through it all. I'm beyond blessed to call these women my mentors, thank you God for bringing us all together!

Three women who've mentored me and three words that I pray on a daily basis have helped to renew and transform my brain and my life skills in order to function and thrive as an autistic woman. But I'm not cured. I still struggle. I still have awkward conversations. But I'm not afraid to try anymore.