Elton Reads A Book A Week

Grumpy Genius? Hilarious Curmudgeon? You Decide! We Dissect Andy Rooney

Ever wonder what goes through the mind of a 70-year-old man with a microphone? This week on Elton Reads A Book A Week, we delve into the life, career, and written word of the iconic (and sometimes infamous) Andy Rooney.

Through the exploration of his book "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney" we'll get to the bottom of questions like: Was he a grumpy genius who held a mirror to society's quirks? Or a hilarious curmudgeon who made us laugh at the absurdity of the everyday?

Join us as we unpack:

• Rooney's Rise to Fame: From WWII reporter to newspaper writer to "60 Minutes" curmudgeon, we explore his unlikely path to superstardom.
• The Power of the Postscript: We dissect Rooney's signature segment and analyze its enduring comedic appeal.
• Love Him or Hate Him? The Legacy of Andy Rooney: We debate his impact on journalism and comedy, and ask: is his brand of humor still relevant today?

Prepare for laugh-out-loud moments, insightful commentary, and a healthy dose of nostalgia. This episode is perfect for anyone who remembers tuning in for Rooney's signature sign-off, or anyone who simply enjoys a good rant (or ten).

So, grab your pipe and slippers, and get ready to reminisce about the man who wasn't afraid to tell it like it is!

Plus, special guest Lemon McNally joins Elton to deliver a closing monologue called "Whiskey!"

Welcome to 1978! The year of Garfield, Van Halen, Lego, and a murder mobile named "Christine. In this episode humor meets horror as Elton embarks on a comedic journey through the pages of Stephen King's iconic novel, 'Christine.' Buckle up for a rollercoaster of killer laughs, and deadly driving as he explores the eerie world of a possessed car with a wicked sense of humor. Good. God...with the puns. Discover Elton's unique take on the classic thriller, as he delves into a devilish story with a touch of dark absurdity laced witty commentary, hilarious anecdotes, and side-splitting insights. Whether you're a die-hard Stephen King fan or just looking for a good laugh, this episode promises entertainment, factoids and that are equal parts spooky and hilarious. Tune in and get ready to laugh your way through the supernatural twists and turns of 'Christine'!

Great Expectations, the story of a boy who turns into a man while being surrounded by a**holes, gets the Elton Reads A Book A Week treatment! Join Elton on a trip down Dickensian way before meeting up with a prime example of Victorian drama. It's weirder than you think.

The life of Charles Dickens starts like many did in the Georgian Era of England's history...crap. He was a sickly kid from a big, poor family. Then, as he got older and his entire family was thrown in debtor's prison, he was factory bound. There he learned to love to hate every day! Later, he learns to spin sh*t into gold. Listen for more...

Thank you for listening!

As a little break in the booky-book episodes I thought I'd kick out something different. Here's a preview of a series I'll be putting on Patreon. It's a limited series about The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse meeting every Saturday to end the world as, you find out, they've been doing for millennia...and still haven't done it. This is the first of a lot of Jovial Horsemen scripts I wrote years ago. Enjoy the free preview, folks! Oh, when posted on Patreon, everything is ad free, including these.

Also, there's a little slider at the bottom when I post these that lets you call an upload a "bonus." I'm going to try it. I don't know what's going to happen, so...hopefully it all works out. If not, I'll change it back...if I can. Fingers crossed.

Let me know what you think! I'll include a poll via Spotify to let me know directly...or email me at: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com OR via any of the social media things. You can also contribute to the pod via Patreon! Help me produce this thing! Thanks you for listening...

When I say the word “ocean”, what do you think about? For me, it's a mix of fascination and abject terror. I'd chock that up to my innate ability to sink in almost any body of water and/or liquid...and my fear of dying in it.

That and if I go in too far and can’t feel the bottom, I freak out a little. It’s because I picture all the giant man eating monsters that definitely are swimming all around and beneath me, so, I panic and move back to shallower waters. In this episode, we're going to meet one of those nightmares and find out just how close we are to being it's next meal!

GET THE BOOK HERE: https://amzn.to/40uWUXU

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EMAIL: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com

SOURCES:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cephalopod_attack

https://www.thebermudian.com/heritage/heritage-heritage/isles-of-a-thousand-wrecks/

https://study.com/academy/lesson/kraken-overview-history-facts.html

https://www.molluscs.at/cephalopoda/index.html?/cephalopoda/giant_squid.html https://www.nrdc.org/stories/single-discarded-fishing-net-can-keep-killing-centuries

https://phys.org/news/2021-02-grisly-problem-illegal-fish.html

Batman, Superman, and The Avengers have the same bronze daddy or great-grandpa. One of those.

The first episode of a new year and this one is a doozy. Doc Savage, a character that fueled the 1930s and 40s pulp craze, is beyond belief, which is understandable. He was created to be just that. Prolific author Lester Dent made Doc to be the greatest human being on Earth, almost Christ like. If only he had used his own f*cking name when he wrote about him.

Join Elton as he dives into the origins of a character that would inspire Batman, Superman, The Avengers, The Hulk, and more. The first order of business, is how Doc Savage even happened in the first place. AND NO MORE TWO PARTERS!!! (Well,...unless they're absolutely necessary.)

GET THE BOOKS HERE: https://amzn.to/3knQBoG

LISTEN TO "WORDS ABOUT BOOKS"! https://podcast.wordsaboutbooks.ninja/

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https://www.patreon.com/eltonreadsabookaweek

https://anchor.fm/elton-reads-a-book-a-week

SOCIALS: https://linktr.ee/EltonReadsABookAWeek

Join Elton in the exciting conclusion to Hitler's Holy Relics in which we find our hero, Walter Horn and his silent, but deadly sidekick Eugene "Stone Blood, Death Comes For Us All" Dollar, as they hunt down the perpetrators of Crown Jewel thievery! Intense interrogation action, while busting Nazis high and low--ALL while screaming, "WHERE ARE THE JEWELS!?"

Will there be deceit? Yes. 

Will there be Nazis? Yes. 

Will they get killed? Yes--well, a lot of them will, but not all of them.

Will there be inappropriate tangents? Um...yeah, probably, sorry about that.

Will all quotes attributed to Winston Churchill be accurate? Yes, to the best of my knowledge and imagination.

Will there be another deletion of this episode description and another rewrite? F%ck I hope not.

Listen to it all now in this part two episode!

Listen, share, rate and review! Thank you, thank you.

A secret bunker, a cultural treasure, and a special sharp stick that poked Jesus that could help you rule the world?!! Who else but Hitler would be responsible for that odd grouping of nonsense? Who else would be stupid enough to lose it? Join Elton as he recounts the tale of Walter Horn and his hunt for a priceless national treasure stolen by Hitler, but post World War II, became lost to the world.   Lt. Walter Horn, an Army interrogator during WWWII discovers the location of the Crown Jewels of Austria while questioning a German soldier. Little did he know it would send him on a race against time to find the treasure. Hoping to get it before they're melted down or became the subject of a worldwide tug of war between war worn countries looking for payback...or both, he's given only 21 days to find it. 

Will he? Listen to find out. 

Thank you for listening. 

GET THE BOOK HERE: https://amzn.to/3SwKY34

In this episode--

Bill Gates, King of Microsoft, and one of the most odd, controversial, and insanely wealthy people on Earth. A planet could probably buy, lets be honest. Did you know he wrote a book of predictions about the internet BEFORE it existed (well, the one we know today, anyway)?

Being one of a small group of insiders who helped shape the way the internet was, and is, used by the world, it's crazy to think of how much he got wrong (and he did). And how much he actually got right (a lot). 

Join Elton as he dives into the life of not one, but THREE things at once in this "Look where we ended up, Bill, you son of a b!tch!" episode of Elton Reads A Book A Week. 

[[APOLOGIES SECTION: Sorry, Paul Allen, key-tar players and fans, the classmates of Bill Gates, the good people of UCLA and Stanford, and of course, Bill Gates.]]

GET THE BOOK HERE! https://amzn.to/3N09TLf

CONTRIBUTE: https://www.patreon.com/eltonreadsabookaweek

https://anchor.fm/elton-reads-a-book-a-week

EMAIL: eltonreadsabookaweek@gmail.com

LINKS: https://linktr.ee/EltonReadsABookAWeek

MUSIC:

No Good Layabout by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4140-no-good-layabout

What happens when a man with a hood over his head drives a car into a small town? A mountain of dead people and a prison sentence, right? WRONG! Find out why common sense never made the final edit. Along the way, are witch trials, blue boars, electrified swords, carnies, movie stars, oh, and hand jobs from relatives. 

There's that too.

Join Elton on a journey through the life of Ray Bradbury and one of his books. A literary legend, Ray Bradbury influenced the world of science fiction writing and beyond, far beyond. LISTEN, SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, & SHARE! Thank you, you're amazing.

[Thanks, Diedrich Bader.]

GET THE BOOK HERE! https://amzn.to/3f5lmg8

CONTRIBUTE HERE: 

Freddie Mercury led a life so big he couldn't fit into one episode (and it STILL not enough)! In this second half: cocaine dwarves, smoking vaginas, The Sex Pistols, Bohemian Rhapsody, David Bowie, possibly the Queen of England, and more.

Join Elton's continued ride through "Somebody to Love: The Life, Death, and Legacy of Freddie Mercury", a book that's long on information and short on needless filler. Sit back, relax, drive, or work (like Elton does) and listen to discover more about a man that grabbed life by the balls and...well, (ahem) enjoyed it in far more ways than one. From Queen's big break to Bohemian Rhapsody, to well lots of stuff, you'll have to listen and find out! So, do that.

Oh, and f*cking f*ck you, AIDS.

Thank you for listening.

(And a special thanks to Diedrich Bader)

Freddie Mercury considered one of the greatest frontmen of all was the living embodiment of excess. He lived his life moving at the speed of light, but the world, a disease, and fate would bring it to a tragic end. Join Elton as he tries to lighten the mood using one of rock & roll history's greatest and unfortunate son's lives.  

From Freddie's birth to Queen's birth, part 1 of the wild life of Freddie Mercury, come for the insanity; stay for the tragedy! Plus, an uncomfortable amount of dick jokes. What more could you ask for? Less? Maybe less..that might be reasonable.

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode please consider leaving a five-star review on your favorite podcast provider. It really helps a lot. Oh, and follow it on social media, just search for: "Elton Reads A Book A Week"

Steve Martin, The New York art world, Ice Cube, and 90s gangsta rap Pokemon; what do they have in common? This episode is what!
"An Object of Beauty" may just be the single greatest book in the history of books that aren't listed as great books. Is that a confusing exaggeration? Yes, maybe, you tell me. In this episode, you'll get the low down on Steve Martin, his novel, and how Jesus felt about having a crucified figurine of himself submerged in urine, and so much more. Listen for the funny, stay for the accidental knowledge gain. 

A special thanks to Diedrich Bader for making this episode possible. 

Using "So, THAT Happened: A Memoir by Jon Cryer", we'll get into Jon Cryer's life and various pseudo feuds with other celebrities in this surprisingly sexually euphemism-filled episode of Elton Reads A Book A Week. Join Elton as he explores the inner workings of Jon Cryer, the famous Hollywood actor extraordinaire. He leaves no page unturned in the pursuit of understanding Jon Cryer's one-sided celebrity battles with Robert Downey Jr., Matthew Broderick, and, of course, Charlie Sheen.  

Take a trip through the strange world of male sexuality with Elton as he tries to navigate why men defer to their genitals, sex cults for old people, and why men think they're the best sex-ed teachers. Plus, a wasp loving doctor makes it all possible?

In this episode, Elton slips down the sexy, sweaty spine of "American Sexual Behavior and the Kinsey Report, a rundown of the most famous sex study man has ever performed on himself! Wander through the world of male sexuality and maybe answer a few questions you've had or didn't know you had or didn't know you wanted to know...you had. Plus,...masturbation talk!

Who doesn't love a touchy-feely episode about self-touching and feeling? 

Now, imagine it's funny instead of touchy-feely. EVEN BETTER! Enjoy.

An actor that was so great people were afraid he might inspire Al Capone to murder and turn Americans into communists; Edward G. Robinson. In this episode, we'll learn what it takes to make it as an actor in a world that screams "Hell no, ugly!", that some old movies have sketchy titles and the importance of Edward's "third leg".

[And a "mummer" is an actor in a traditional masked mime, especially of a type associated with Christmas and popular in England in the 18th and early 19th centuries.]
Don't forget that the movie playlist can be found on the Elton Reads A Book A Week Twitter page.

Elton finds out a little bit more about the how's and why's of his travels in time (hey, that rhymed...and that did too!) Plus, Dean Koontz's time travel rules are right (well, some of them). 

Part 2 of the "Lightning" by Dean Koontz episode. After talking about the book Elton converses with the stranger that appeared before him in part one. As it happens, he knows a lot about somethings, some about other things, and confuses the hell out of everything else. Who the f*ck is he? He's the Count of Saint Germain, a fellow accidental time traveler. He's also a real historical figure. Seriously, look him up on Google. Apparently, he's immortal and is rumored to be older than your Mom's wooden dildo. OOHHHHHhhh, I went there! Ahhh...heh...yeah...but, seriously, if your Mom does in fact have a wooden dildo, you may want to talk to her about it. That's not very sanitary. She's begging for an infection.

Oh, and I have my first call in from a sexy assed listener named Viking Power. 

What if your life was, literally, supposed to be different? What if you had a "guardian angel" that was real...and never aged? Dean Koontz can answer those questions and in this two-part episode, Elton gets into the life of Dean Koontz and his book "Lightning" to find those answers...and also find out why he's been jumping around in time himself.

This is part one of, what turned out to be, a two-part episode. This thing just got away from me. I should have cut this down more, but...hell. Next time, I'll be more brutal. The second part for this should be out shortly (I'm editing it now). 

Sorry, I didn't think the audio in the last version was good enough. I messed with it and hopefully, it's better. Sorry about that, folks.

Elton talks about "Living History" by Hillary Rodham Clinton while trying to remain apolitical, gets help from the Angel of Death, and uses a future recording from space to get an episode.  Poor Ensign Swift.

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