The Business Balance Podcast

How Does Stress Affect Your Health?

Stress comes in all shapes and sizes. Stress can be defined as any type of change that causes physical, emotional or psychological strain.  The term ‘stress’ refers to the response you have when facing circumstances that force you to act, change, or adjust in some way to maintain your footing, or to keep things balanced.  In small doses, these factors increase your strength and stamina, speed your reaction time, and enhance your focus. This is where some people will say stress is good for you!  So, does stress affect your health?

Stress is a huge contributor to people needing time off work. Surveys suggest that over 10 million people in the UK are taking time off due to stress and stress related illness.  Mental health issues, including stress and anxiety are the reason for one in five visits to a GP.

What’s Going On?

When you are stressed your adrenal glands are forced to produce more cortisol and adrenaline (the main stress hormones). These hormones prepare the body for emergency action.

· Heart pounding or beating faster,

· Breathing quickens or become more shallow

· Muscles tighten,

· Arms or legs shake

· Blood pressure rises

· Your senses become sharper

All of these are automatic reactions coming from an area of the brain called the amygdala. That’s like your internal fire alarm. This stress response has existed in humans since we were cavemen. Life was much simpler then and life and death situations really meant life and death! Now, they don’t.  However, your brain has not figured that out!

Here’s the thing. When your internal fire alarm is going off, it also switches off your thinking brain. So you can’t think clearly or logically!!!

Is it Affecting Your Health?

Stress that continues over long periods of time can contribute to serious health problems.  Stress can affect you in many ways.

· Weakened Immune System and catching colds more easily

· Sleep Issues

· Low Energy, feeling tired all the time

· Feeling Overwhelmed

· Memory Problems / Poor Time Management

· Anger Issues

· Being Negative

· Aches and pains for seemingly no particular reason – tight shoulders, clenched jaw, stiff back

· Spots! Cortisol clogs your pores

· Thinning hair 

Often we only notice the emotional effects of stress, however there are many physical impacts too.  So it’s important we do something about our responses or even our lifestyles to counter-balance this.

Causes of Stress

The hormone responses are there for times when you are being chased by a tiger or a bear, not for any of these listed blow!  There are many events in life that can cause stress.

· Wrong or Difficult Job

· Redundancy or Unemployment Worries

· Long Hours

· Conflict with Colleagues

· School or College Pressure

· Friendship Difficulties

· Test Anxieties

· Financial Worries

· Negative Relationships

· Loneliness

· Parenting Challenges

· Unhealthy habits

The people that I see regularly, come to me for coaching and other help because they still don’t want to go to their GP AND they don’t want to take time off or alert their employer that they are feeling under pressure.    If you think stress is wrecking your body, then make it a point to get things under control. Remove yourself from toxic situations and plan some stress-reducing activities.

How do we equip ourselves and the people around us to deal with difficult situations?

In this final episode of the Resilience month on the podcast I talk to Nicola Richardson who is a Business and People Mentor.  She works with businesses to get the best out of people, process and performance.

There’s quite a lot of good chat and sharing of information in the podcast but also a couple of key things I talk on the podcast this week that I think are important messages.

Nicola tells us what happened to her when she tried to power through and keep going after a significant life event.  She shares the detrimental effect it had on her health and also why that made her change things in her life completely.

We also talk about the healing power of crying!  Often other people struggle to see others crying.  Often too, as children we have been told “don’t cry” and so we learn to stem the flow and hold back the tears.

Nicola is running a workshop called Thriving not Surviving which will be helping people understand and identify what helps them and what is difficult for them.  

Resilience needs areas to be strong and calm.  This provides the foundations for you to live a balanced life.

When your mind and body are resilient, strong and stable, you will be strong and stable too. It forms the foundations of a powerful basis for everything you do in life.  Life is full of challenges and we cannot possibly avoid everything. Resilience is about that ability to deal with the rough and the smooth and be able to swerve the curve balls and get back on track.

When life knocks you down, you need that bounce-back-ability to be able to get up again.  That’s why we need to ensure we have lots of tools and resources in our lifestyle generally.  So if one area is weak, under pressure or overloaded then things begin to fall apart.

You need all areas of you to be equally strong. So think about where you have gaps or think about what situations mean that you have wobbles. 

Fitting things into your everyday life is the best way. You can’t always take a holiday or book a spa day – and anyway, if you’re living or working in a place of pressure you won’t have the time. You’ve probably got some other things you’d like to spend your money too!

Relying on things like spa days, holidays or even going to gym (whilst it’s great to do, you need space and time for this). Getting the balance to boost your resilience needs to be little everyday things that you can.

So I talk about a (kind of) A-Z to give you ideas.

Resilience is a theme for this month and today we are looking at what Emotional Resilience is.

What if coaching doesn’t work?

It’s important for my clients to know that the coaching process works.  But sometimes, coaching doesn’t work! What can you do to make sure coaching works ?

I’ve had some great coaching and I’ve one that was awful.  Here's what you can do to ensure coaching works for you.

1.  The Wrong Type Of Coach

You need to consider WHAT you want the coaching for. WHY you think you need it and WHERE you want it take you. This will narrow things down for you.

Then investigate different coaches and how they work. Some teach you their model. Others look at you, your business, your struggles, your goals and help you figure out what will work for you (that’s me)!

If someone recommends a coach to you, make sure it’s going to meets your needs.

2.  No Rapport Between Client And Coach

The client/coach relationship is crucial. Some clients thrive on a gentle, nurturing approach, whereas others prefer direct straight talking. Then there’s a balance of all sorts in between (I’d say I’m honest and straightforward with support and kindness thrown in).

In order to ensure there is rapport and the possibility of a good working relationship, it’s always a good idea to meet or talk with your executive coach before you jump in.

3.  A Lack Of Trust

You’ve got to be able to trust your coach.  You’re going to be talking about your feelings and your struggles. Whilst it won’t all be focussing on the negatives, you’ll get the best from coaching when you’re honest and possibly a bit vulnerable, so you need to feel safe doing that and trust that your coach can help you.

If you’re part of a coaching programme through your organisation, make sure you know the terms: by checking the confidentiality terms you can feel safe to disclose all your thoughts, issues and feelings.

I usually work independently with executives and entrepreneurs, and we do sign a working agreement which sets out confidentiality clearly and professionally.

4.  Boundaries And Expectations Are Not Clear

Clear boundaries are important.  Ensure your coach will set out what they expect, when and how to contact them, and ensure they’ll do what they say they’ll do.  Clear boundaries help you to feel safe so that you know what’s OK and what’s not in the coaching relationship.

I always plan out all sessions in the diary.  There is flexibility to change them, but there’s a cancellation policy too.

Also get clear on your goals.  It’s hard to make changes if you don’t know what you want to change, or what that outcome will look like.

5.  Coaching Gets Stuck In The Past

Coaching is about moving you forward to where you want to be, not dwelling on what you ‘should’ have done. That comes through looking to the future and action.

Sometimes we need to go back and work on getting you some strong foundations so you can go forward stronger and stay successful in that progress.

6.  When There’s No Legacy To The Coaching Work

Whether you’re with a coach for an hour, a day or three months, it’s really important that you can maintain the good progress you’ve made.  There’s no point investing in coaching then letting old habits and patterns slip back in. So it’s worth spending time working with your coach to identify how to apply the changes to your life for good. 

With my experience in psychology and neuroscience I help you make changes easily without having extra duties on their to-do list!  That makes sure that coaching does work.

What’s your most valuable asset?

This might be a question that raises lots of answers and you might be totally against what I’m saying.  If so, that’s fine.  We’re all entitled to our opinions, but here’s mine.

Aside from your customers - because let’s face it - if you don’t have customers, you don’t have a business or a job. After that, what is your most valuable asset?

Your business? Your home? Your intellectual property? Your network?

All of those are valuable, but (bonus points to you if you saw this one coming!) YOU are your most valuable asset.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a leader in your own business or someone else’s, what makes you stand out is you.

And it’s not really about your knowledge and expertise either. Of course those things are important, but knowledge can be learned.  What’s harder to cultivate is a healthy mindset. A healthy attitude to yourself, your life and your work.

Mindset might sound fluffy. As though it’s about patting yourself on the back and thinking happy thoughts so you have a positive day. But it’s so much more than that.  

Your mindset is at the root of every decision you make. Whether you’re operating from a place of fear or growth is critical. With a closed or a fearful mindset you are more likely to:

• Miss seeing opportunities
• Hold yourself back
• Take on too much, rather than delegate
• Let other people set the agenda
• Delay decision making (or the opposite – be trigger happy!)
• Feel overwhelmed or stressed.

You do still need to put effort in but when you have a strong belief in yourself then it can make all the difference!

Can changing something internally really change how you experience life in the real world? Can it help you feel better as well as be more productive in life and business?

Yes, it can. But it’s not as easy as slapping a smile on your face and saying a positive affirmation each morning.

Real mindset change involves digging inside to understand where your thoughts and beliefs come from. It’s about bringing to light the buried stories we tell ourselves about why life is hard, or why we’re not equipped to deal with it, or why we can’t get that promotion. And it’s then about rewriting the script so we’re working with ourselves, not against.

The latest neuroscience has shown that our brains are constantly re-wiring.  Even through adulthood.  

I’m not saying that this process of re-wiring is easy … but it can be done.  The first step is recognising that you need to re-train.

Sometimes you might need help to recognise what’s going on with you and what can be done.  When we are deep in the middle of something, we can’t see how the land lies. We can’t see ourselves fully without someone else holding up a mirror and inviting us to look.

That’s where a coach will help you understand what’s really going on in your head, get clear about what you want, and your way forward.  Coaching helps you to unlock the potential that’s already inside you.  

So – given that you’re your own greatest asset, when’s the last time you invested in yourself?  And did you feel the benefit? I’d love to know!

Often there are different stories we tell ourselves that can keep us stuck and stop us moving forward or make things difficult for us.

When we tell ourselves stories it can be to rationalise or justify why we've done things we done (or not done).  We might used past experiences and learning but there's nearly always an emotional response to that story.

- "I'm not cut out for leadership"

- "It wasn't meant to be"

- "I don't have time"

Listen in at 3.0m about the story I was telling myself about how my business was a success.  In a way it was, but the reality was I could have done so much better and worked smarter.

6.27m  Often we do a comparison with other people and tell ourselves stories about how we're just not enough in some way.  Outward appearance isn't everything, but we can tell ourselves the stories abut why we're not matching up to others around us.

We can’t be strong all the time. We used to live in tribes remember! Those tribes and other people were there to support, help and guide us. 

The modern world is about being strong, being able to do all things and not showing a “weakness”. There’s a lot of British phrases that pre-programme us to ensure that we don’t share that we need help. 

"Stiff upper lip"

"Keep your chin up"

This create a deep learning and mindset that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This learned belief is created at a young age. It might be that we’ve been told to “speak when we’re spoken to” or “be a good boy” so we learn not to ask for what we need and not to cause any bother.

The key is to be able to change our minds about asking for help.

There are so many people who have come to me asking for help.

Listen in to hear about 3 examples and what I did to help.

The Chief Exec who was putting a ton of extra time just to feel successful, even though there was lots of external evidence to show he was doing well. He said to me “it’s a sign of weakness isn’t it” We worked on his belief and mindset so that he could delegate with ease, manage the expectations of himself and his team and still be able to spend time with his family and enjoy it. 

The top city Lawyer who was embarrassed because she was getting emotional at work and felt like it looked like she couldn’t cope.  She was worried what people would think. I helped her with ways to deal with the overload, educated her on being able to identify when her stress levels were high so she could use tools that work for her and get that balance in her life, without compromising her professional approach.

The business owner who thought being stressed all the time was normal and that if he was in control of everything it would help. Truth was that when we reduced his stressed levels, identified the areas that really caused him the stress he felt so much better and even made some changes in his business direction to support this new way of looking at things.

Even me. Listen in when I explain what I've to ask for help. 

All of us need help at some point or other. Knowing when to ask for help is the first step. Reaching out the right kind of people who will be there for you and who get it is important too. 

Think about someone who has asked you for help. What did you think of them? I’m guessing your first response wasn’t “oh they’re weak” or “ooh they can’t cope”.

That’s probably one of the main reasons we don’t ask for help. We worry about judgement. We’re frightened about what people will think.

Fear is a big thing that stops us moving forward. Stops us being able to perform at our best. 

When we get past that, or reach out for help, then we are taking that first step to the next level.

I'm talking today about January Blues.

The 3rd Monday in January is known as Blue Monday. Apparently this is because this is the time that credit card bills have come in, we realise how much we’ve spent on Christmas. The weather is cold and wet and dark and then it’s not just the day that is doom and gloom, it’s often our mood too.

So how you can get through the blue and gloomy days.

Have something to Look Forward To. 

It’s often a time when people look at booking holidays or even moving house! Creating a feeling of anticipation with what we are looking forward to means we feel excited and then naturally release endorphins, the feel good chemical. 

Be More Active. 

I know the gyms are full of New Year resolution people but you don’t have to do that. Exercise definitely boosts your mood so even just getting out for a walk at lunchtime when there’s more daylight can be helpful. Again it releases the feel good chemicals.

Meet Friends. 

Although we might feel like we want to stay in and hibernate we need social interaction. We are meant to be around people. You don’t necessarily need a big party or group, but meeting friends, talking and laughing is a create mood enhancer.

Look After Yourself - inside and out. 

You’ve probably just spend around a month eating rubbish, cheese and chocolate – I know I have!  Reality is that those kinds of diets leave us feeling sluggish and that doesn’t help our mood either. Some say that the gut is important as the brain on our mood. So get yourself back to nourishing yourself from the inside and cut out the chocolate, sugars and rubbish. It doesn’t have to be salad (it’s far too cold for that) it doesn’t have to be restrictive either (otherwise you’ll just crave it) but it can still be food that is good for you.

Look for Positives

I’m beginning to notice a little bit of lightness in the day. My daughter comes home from school around 4pm most days and I’m beginning to see a bit of brightness at that time. I can already how the days are getting longer. Even if it’s just a little. It all helps to give a bit of positivity.

If you’ve listened for a while, you’ll know that I’m big on looking at things that raise your positivity. Find small things in your day that you can be pleased about. They don’t have to be super fantastic, just little things that brighten or give you something to be thankful for. Write them down on a regular basis too so that you can see the positivity increasing, even if feels like a rubbish day, there’s evidence to remind you that it’s not all bad.

Smile

When I walk Charlie, even if it’s cold and wet and I’m there with my hat and gloves and wet gear, I still make eye contact, smile at people and say hello. It’s surprising how one smile can go a long way to make both you and the other person feel better.

Did you know that the way we talk to ourselves can have a massive impact on the way we think, feel and view ourselves? So many times Emma hears people with negative self talk. 

“I’m no good at …”

 “I can’t do ….” 

“I’m so silly” 

“I’m fat” 

“I don’t deserve ……” 

In this episode Emma explains what happens when we are negative about ourselves and how we can change that.

Maybe you already know some of the things you say about yourself, or maybe you need to take a little time to actually listen to the words you use, the phrases you say and the way you talk to yourself and even about yourself.  What do you hear?  Negative phrases and comments can become embedded in your subconscious mind so that you repeat them without realising.  Once you start listening to yourself you’ll be surprised at what you hear.

If you want to make improvements in your own self talk and improve the way you think and feel about yourself then you need to be your own best friend.  Think about how you might guide and advise your best friend and then turn that phrasing, positivity and praise towards yourself.  It might not be easy for you to hear – initially.  It will get better and easier the more you do it.

Be kind to yourself and be kind to others around you too.  Although we’re working on self talk, all talk is important.  It’s much easier to have complete positive thoughts and language rather than kind words for yourself and forgetting to be positive and kind to others around you!  If you see someone with great hair or gorgeous shoes, say so!  If your child shows nice manners, say “hey nice manners”.  You will feel good, but you know what?  They will too and so it improves the attitude of everyone around you that you interact with.  That in itself reduces the negativity.

We are rubbish at this.  Particularly us with the good British stiff-upper -lip / don’t-show-our-feelings.  When we don’t show our feelings to others, we don’t show them to ourselves.  So, start to complement yourself.  Do this regularly and see if you notice a difference in the way you feel about yourself.

Talking more positively to ourselves will have a great impact on the way we view ourselves.  You start to embed more positive comments and phrases in your subconscious mind, so they become more automatic and then progress and positivity gets easier and easier.  So go on, start today, change the way you talk to yourself.  You deserve it!

When things get too much in life, physically, mentally or emotionally it’s good to have somewhere to go to calm, recover, feel safe or to feel happy again. That’s why you need a Happy Place. Emma talks you through why you need a happy place and how to create your very own. It doesn't matter whether it's real or imaginary, when you've created yours you can take yourself there, in your mind, to rest, recover or just re-set our feelings and emotions.

Think of somewhere that makes you feel happy, calm safe (or some other positive feeling). This place can be real or imaginary! It doesn’t have to be in your house or nearby.

• Take 5 minutes or so to sit somewhere comfortable.
• Think of a place where you are completely relaxed, feeling happy or safe or calm
• Imagine it vividly – colours, sounds, textures, temperature, smells – everything.
• Notice how you feel in this place. Are you happy, calm or relaxed.
• Notice where, in your body, you feel these happy or calm feelings.
• Give this place a name or a title.

Regardless of where you are, whatever you are doing, practice thinking of or saying this name or title and notice those good feelings flowing around your mind and body.

When we have a place like this, real or imaginary, we can take ourselves there to rest, recover or just re-set our feelings and emotions. Notice with all your senses what you see hear, touch, smell, taste and even the temperature. This can change the sensations in our mind and body from whatever is unpleasant or negative to being more positive and comfortable.

My place (because I love being warm) is in a sauna which is not readily accessible! However my mum’s place is in her sewing room, with her sewing machine. Making lovely quilts, bags, cushions is her favourite pastime. 

So where could yours be? If you struggle to think of somewhere look through holiday brochures or magazines for inspiration. Maybe you saw something in a film or a book? You can even make one up from a collection of ideas to create the best place ever!