The Empowering Parents Podcast - Child Behavior Help The Total Transformation Way

When your child says, "I'm sorry, but..." you can be sure everything after "but" is bull. You can also be sure the inappropriate behavior will occur again because your child is not owning their mistakes. Here's what you can do to end the bull and improve your child's behavior.

When your child has made really bad choices it is devastating and feelings of guilt and grief are normal and okay. This episode offers heartfelt advice on how to cope with these difficult situations.

Kids often use violence to deal with frustration, disappointment, and anger. It’s how they solve these problems. And it’s how they gain power in the home. Here's what you can do when your child or teen gets violent.

While it’s common to fall into the trap of feeling guilty, your guilt won’t get you—or your child—anywhere. Understand that when you blame yourself, you’re taking responsibility for your child’s behavior instead of holding them accountable for their behavior.

Have you ever heard someone talk about how well-behaved your child is and thought in disbelief, “Excuse me? Are you talking about my kid?” We frequently hear from parents whose kids save their worst behavior for home. It’s a common problem. It’s one thing if your child acts out with everyone, but it’s a completely different thing when their anger is directed at you and only you.

When we do too much for our kids—when we over-function for them—we rob them of the skills and practice necessary to develop competence and mastery in life. Instead of learning life skills, they learn helplessness. Here's what you can do instead.

Some of our most popular and helpful parenting tips. Plus, a Total Transformation tip from James Lehman. Lots of great parenting content in this episode.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle.

You can’t punish your child into better behavior. Forget about over-the-top punishments or ineffective rules because you’ll just end up in a power struggle. Here's what you can do instead.

As soon as you knew you were having children, you probably began to dream about who they were going to be. But then reality sets in and you end up with a child that is different from what you expected. Understanding and accepting this is one of the keys to effective parenting and managing behavior.

If you find yourself doing everything for your child, you may be engaging in what I refer to as martyr parenting. Without even realizing it, well-meaning parents can turn into martyrs for their kids. If this is you, you must learn to step back. You must learn to stop being the martyr so that your child learns to face consequences and overcome hardships. Here's how.

The distinction between mild rebelliousness and disrespect has to be drawn very clearly. But how do you know for sure if your child’s behavior has crossed the line and become truly disrespectful? Here's what you need to know.

You are your child’s authority—that’s your role and responsibility. Do you have an emotional relationship with your child? Yes. But if you try to be friends with your child, it comes at the cost of your authority, and it undermines your role as a parent.

If you’re struggling with disrespectful behavior from your kids then this week's podcast is for you.

A child who uses anger with an angle looks like they’re losing control. But in reality, they’re using anger to gain control of their parents and the situation. The anger gets them what they want, whether it’s a candy bar at the store or avoiding homework and chores at home. Here's what you can do as a parent when your child uses anger in this way.

Parents face many challenges. And as we all find out, there are many, many challenges that we never expected or knew about before having children! In this podcast, we offer advice on dealing with five of the most difficult.

One of the real tragedies of dealing with behaviorally disordered children is when you see everybody blaming each other. The parent blames the teacher, the teacher blames the parent, the child blames both the teacher and the parents, and it goes on and on. I’ve seen many parents get stuck in battles that don’t help their children.

Responding to your child’s rage with your own anger is not effective. Instead, you need to have what I call a rage plan so that you know exactly how you will handle the next outburst or temper tantrum. Here's how to set up a rage plan that puts you in control of yourself and the situation.

Kids thrive on the connection they have with their parents, and this includes the reaction they get from constant complaining and negativity. Here's what you can do if you're the parent of a complaining child or teen.

As parents, it’s easy to focus on the kids and lose sight of ourselves and our needs as adults at this time of year. So, when we look at how to manage family and behavior problems during the holidays, we need to look at the effect the season has on us and on our kids.

There’s no possible way parents can control every aspect of their children’s lives. Here are ten things you are (and aren’t) responsible for as a parent.

Clamming up or exploding are both ways your teenagers attempt to manage their stress and defend themselves. In fact, these may be the only ways your teen knows how to communicate when things get intense—which of course only causes more conflict. Here are 5 secrets we've found to be helpful for communicating with kids through the difficult adolescent years.

James Lehman discusses and gives you insights about the following characteristics of kids with defiant behaviors: dishonesty, misinformation, false apologies, and other behaviors.

James Lehman discusses how kids reject positive role models but willingly accept negative ones. He also discusses our kids' wishful thinking and how they try to put things off long enough that you, as a parent, just give up asking them to do things. Plus, James discusses several other characteristics of kids with defiant and abusive behaviors.

James Lehman continues to discuss characteristics of kids with abusive and defiant behaviors. In this episode he discusses concrete transactions, pride in negativity, anger with an angle, one-way training, and other concepts. There's so much to learn in this episode.

James discusses in-depth the characteristics and practices of kids with obnoxious and abusive behaviors. He explains the fallacy of victimhood, injustice, uniqueness, and what he calls one-way boundaries.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the important concept of the "good enough" parent. You don't need to be perfect, good enough is good enough. This is a critical concept for parents to understand when dealing with the most challenging child behavior problems.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the myths about self-esteem and your child's behavior.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the real reasons for abusive, obnoxious, and defiant behaviors in your child.

Parents who are going through a separation or divorce, or have already been through one, should be aware of the issues it may cause with their child’s behavior. Their child may withdraw. They may have frequent angry outbursts. Schoolwork may suffer. And teens, especially, may begin to take part in risky behaviors, such as drug and alcohol use. Understanding these problems and having effective tools to deal with them are crucial for parents. In this episode, listen to James Lehman talk about divorce and your child's behavior.

When we hold our kids accountable, they learn to take responsibility for their actions. They also learn to think before they act. Here's how to create a culture of accountability in your home starting today.

The morning routine is tough on a lot of families. If you’re struggling to get your kids off to school each day, you are not alone. At Empowering Parents, we hear this every day from parents just like you. Morning arguments, battles of will, and power struggles happen for families every day. The good news is that you can turn your mornings around. And although your kids may not thank you for it, everyone will benefit.

Parents don’t want to admit an ugly truth—that sometimes they don’t like their child. If you feel this way and are scared, it’s okay. Parenting is challenging and often emotional, especially when our kids are defiant, disrespectful, or not who we wanted them to be.

Guilt and parenthood seem to go together. Maybe you lost control and screamed at your child today. Perhaps you blame yourself for your child's behavior. But know that no parent is perfect—and that's okay. Forgive yourself today for these six parenting mistakes and move forward with a fresh perspective.

Does your child mock or make fun of you? Mocking, imitating, and laughing at parents can be harmless fun, but it can also become an annoying behavior that undermines your authority. Here's what you can do as a parent.

We all experience anger (road rage, anyone?), but there’s a difference between punching a hole in a wall and counting to ten to calm down. As adults, we know the difference. Kids, on the other hand, need a little extra help. In this episode, we discuss the problem solving skills your child needs for good behavior. Added bonus: an audio clip from James Lehman in The Total Transformation Program.

Tired of arguing and debating the household rules with your child? Here's a tip: explain yourself once and move on. You usually can’t end an argument—or make a child do something—by trying to make them understand and agree with you. Parents can spend a lot of time and energy trying to make a child accept their logic. And it’s just not going to happen.

Even before you become a parent, you start forming ideas about how you’ll raise your child. You get advice about it from all sides—your own parents and family, your friends, and books by so-called experts tell you “the rules” of good parenting. But most people soon find out that some of these techniques are simply fads—and many of them don’t work at all.

Once you let go of trying to control your defiant child’s behavior and choices, you actually gain much more power. Putting energy into what you can control leaves you feeling empowered, confident, and stronger. Here's how.

Have you found yourself asking the question, “Why is my child always so angry at me?” Do you feel like your adolescent surrounds himself or herself with a force field of anger and hostility? In this episode, we discuss child and teen anger and what you can do about it.

Some degree of backtalk is normal for adolescents and teens—it’s how they learn to assert themselves and become independent. But too often, they don’t assert themselves appropriately, and their backtalk becomes disrespectful and obnoxious. At this point, parents need to take action for their own sanity and for the sake of their kids, who need to learn to assert themselves appropriately to become well-functioning adults.

Once our children reach adulthood, their behavior patterns are very set. As a result, you need to know that adult children living at home won’t learn new behavior patterns unless they’re forced to. If you or someone you know is struggling with an older child living at home, this podcast is for you.

Focus on your child's behavior, not his — or your — feelings. Personalizing inappropriate behavior often leads to fighting with your children, with nothing to be gained. Here's how to do that effectively.

Blaming yourself for your child's behavior makes you feel terrible, and it doesn't help your child. A better approach is to focus on holding your child accountable. Here's how.

How can you stop all the over-negotiating and over-explaining as a parent and get your child to accept ‘no’ for an answer? Try these seven practical tips.

Punching holes in the wall. Breaking and throwing things. Smashing your car’s windshield. Most of us never expect to face these behaviors from our children, but it happens all too often with defiant children.

Is disrespect a problem in your home? Here are 9 things you can do as a parent today to start getting respect back from your kids.

Does your child ignore every consequence you give him? In this episode, we discuss 10 specific ways to make consequences work—even for the most resistant child.

You hear that you should let your child face natural consequences, but what exactly does this mean? Many parents struggle with this concept because they don’t fully understand what constitutes a “natural” consequence. And sometimes parents have difficulty relinquishing control because they feel they always have to get their child to obey.

A major cause of behavior problems is the inability of a child to handle life’s basic problems. So how do our kids acquire these essential life skills? Here's what you can do if you are dealing with today's smart but helpless kids.