Mum As You Are
By Erin Bowe
Mum As You AreJul 27, 2021
80 Feel like you're not doing alone time properly?
You find an hour to yourself. A moment you’ve potentially been anticipating for weeks. What do you do? You fantasize about what you *could* do - book a massage? see a friend? read a book?
Then the moment comes. Is this excitement or anxiety in your body? Is this feeling calm or am I just frozen? Somehow you can’t think of a single thing you want to but instead are filled with thoughts – I’m feeling ok now, maybe I should just fold laundry. I’ll just go online for a bit, just to get ideas and chill.
Next thing you’re looking at photos of your kids on your phone and the hours is almost up. Now you’re all frustrated and angry at yourself again for not doing alone time ‘properly’.
What happened?
As a mother, I’ve found myself fantasising about the second I can hand the kids over to be alone, only to find that the moment I’m truly alone, I don’t know what to do with myself.
Social Media Detox for Mums
More than a healthy baby: finding strength and growth after birth trauma
https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
79 psychologist recommended books for mums June/July
*NB this episode is available on YouTube if you want to follow along with the visuals
Life in the Five Senses, Gretchen Rubin
Feeding the Soul (Because it’s my Business), Tabitha Brown
The Art of Growing up, John Marsden and Take Risks, John Marsden
Coretta: My Life, My Love My Legacy, Coretta Scott King
https://amzn.to/3C5kb80
Dissociation made Simple, Jamie Marich
https://amzn.to/3C19NhD Other books I often recommend to clients
The Postnatal Depletion Cure, Dr Oscar Seralach
https://amzn.to/3IHgvx6
The Power of Fun, Catherine Price
https://amzn.to/3IGrO8T
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, Dr Laura Markham
AKA Calm Parents, Happy Kids (UK adapted version)
https://amzn.to/3OK6nr5
There's also my books :)
Social Media Detox for Mums
More than a healthy baby: finding strength and growth after birth trauma
https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
78 should you get up earlier?
Getting up at dawn to journal, exercise and smash goals might work well for well-rested people. But what if you're not yet a member of the well-rested Mum's club? Is getting up earlier the answer?
Social Media Detox for Mums
More than a healthy baby: finding strength and growth after birth trauma
https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
77 How to winter in difficult times
Wintering doesn’t have to occur in the physical season of winter. It can represent a time in life that’s challenging and depleting. A time when your soul needs to rest and pull back.
Today I share 4 lessons I've learned in wintering
This book might also be helpful:
Wintering: The Art of Rest in Difficult Times
Social Media Detox for Mums
More than a healthy baby: finding strength and growth after birth trauma
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
76 Anxiety Tools to Steal from your Kids 🦸♀️
Some of the best anxiety tools around are ones that people often assume are just for kids. I'll share with you a few fun, playful tools to introduce or re-introduce into your stress and self-care practise.
I recently learned about a tool called Calm Strips. I haven’t tried them yet, and not sponsored, but they look interesting. They look like a sensory toy in sticker form. You can choose a range of textures – bumpy, soft etc. for focus and de-stressing.
Social Media Detox for Mums
More than a healthy baby: finding strength and growth after birth trauma
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
75 When it feels like everything you do is wrong
Like pretty much every mum I know, I have too many tabs in my brain open: when did I last worm the dogs? How am I going to find time to go to the dentist? Does my youngest have allergies? Is it bad that I stopped taking my kids to swimming lessons? Is every choice I make as a mum somehow always "wrong"?
The internet regularly gives the message that if only you tried a bit harder, or focused a bit more, you could have the cake and eat it. But don’t eat cake, OK? Because of sugar, white carbs and gluten, oh my. Am I doing anything right?
Turns out there's a is a word for this experience: Paro
It means the feeling that everything you do is somehow wrong.
It works best as a visual example, so if you haven’t seen this short video explaining it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7l2hUp0CkQ I encourage you to watch it. It comes from a book I just discovered and am slightly obsessed with – the dictionary of obscure sorrows by john Koenig. Basically its new words for emotions we all feel but don’t have the language for.
Social Media Detox for Mums
More than a healthy baby: finding strength and growth after birth trauma
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
74 Hate playing? Listen to this
One of the dirty secrets of parenting that not too many mums seem willing to talk about is that sometimes parents don’t enjoy playing with their children. Or maybe they never enjoy playing and would go so far as to say they hate it. There’s a few reasons for this, and with a few tweaks the concept of ‘play’ might shift for you.
*NB* that's cockatoos in the background in case you're wondering. I live in the bush, this is life!
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD
Book Depository for UK/EUROPE
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
73 Coping with scary thoughts as a new parent
Something like 90% of new parents will have intrusive, scary thoughts. I'll explain what they are about, how to cope with them and a bit about what situations are expected or 'normal' and what situations would be considered problematic or a psychiatric emergency.
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD
Book Depository for UK/EUROPE
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
72 Can birth debriefs make trauma worse?
Following on from last week's episode about EMDR for birth trauma I thought it would be useful to delve into birth debriefs. They've become popular, and I do offer them myself but are their practice standards? What does the research say? And, in what circumstances could they make trauma symptoms worse?
You can read the accompanying blog post on EMDR for birth trauma https://doctorerin.com.au/2023/04/21/emdr-for-birth-trauma/
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD
Book Depository for UK/EUROPE
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
71 EMDR for birth trauma
In this episode, I explain as best I can in lay language what EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) is and how it can help process past and future births. This type of therapy is intense but it tends to work faster than exposure therapy or CBT based techniques.
You can read the accompanying blog post on EMDR for birth trauma https://doctorerin.com.au/2023/04/21/emdr-for-birth-trauma/
In 2019 I interviewed Krysta Dancy about EMDR for birth trauma on the birth trauma training for birth workers podcast. If you’re in the USA, Krysta’s work would be a great place to start.
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Amazon US & REST OF THE WORLD
Book Depository for UK/EUROPE
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
70 Which of your 5 senses are you neglecting? AND how does this relate to trauma?
Four times a second your nervous system will ask "Am I SAFE?"
We can find a lot of relief by using practical tools that appeal directly to our 5 senses.
If I asked you - which sense do you think you've been neglecting lately? What might your answer be?
Luckily, one of my favourite writers, Gretchen Rubin has developed a quiz to help you with that very question. You also get suggestions for how to cultivate that sense.
Learn what my neglected sense is and how we can work with the senses in birth, trauma and daily coping
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
69 What to do while waiting for therapy
Recently I was reading a book and came across some useful ideas for what to do while you're waiting for therapy or in between appointments. Usually when someone books an appointment there's been a big wave of emotions. Sometimes the emotions subside a bit while life gets in the way, sometimes we block them, sometimes we forget exactly what was happening or what we were thinking in the times when it felt intense. Writing things down to remember when you have your session helps. Having a list of energy light ups and energy dim downs can help too.
Untamed, Glennon Doyle
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
68 Five steps to quit social media
If you want to pause or quit social media it's usually not as simple as just going cold turkey. This is what I wish I knew before I started my social media detox. some practical, measurable steps that will help get you that meaningful change you're looking for. You can find the handy guide to the steps outlined here.
DASS (depression anxiety stress scale) - note this is a screening tool, not a replacement for mental health diagnosis
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
67 The science of judging part 2
This is the second part of a conversation about the science of why parents judge each other. What happens when we attribute fault to someone else based on their character (e.g, they are an idiot), but we assume people will give US the benefit of the doubt when we have our own crisis?
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
66 The 84 year old feminist book you need to read this Easter
Today I'm sharing one of my favourite Easter books that is such a surprise and a delight.
A book written 84 years ago by a white man from the deep south of the USA. Life is full of surprises.
The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes by Du Bose Heyward is a book that teaches children that you can be anything. That mothers are valued. That children thrive when their mothers are happy and fulfilled. That everyone in a family has a role and can contribute, no matter how small.
You can watch the book being read here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ulp4nPyQ0w
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
65 The science of judging part 1
There is research evidence suggesting that women are judged more harshly for their decisions than men.
In The gift of imperfect parenting, Brene Brown says we judge each other so harshly because most of us feel like we are barely holding on. We are afraid of making mistakes, so we perceive anyone who is doing anything differently as criticising our choices.
Leaning into growth and changing behaviours that better reflect and serve your value system is huge. Applying a sense of compassionate self-reflection when it comes to judging ourselves and others is an important part of the conversation.
Judging is an anthropological and safety behaviour. We don’t need to judge our judging (lol) but I think it helps to be mindful of what purpose judging serves. Let's unpack it a little.
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
64 A mindfulness check in from meet me at mikes
I've been following this blog for years. I tool I've taken from Pip is the idea of taking stock. I like to recommend it because rather than sitting down and getting all stressed about goals you may or may not have met, you just take a quiet few moments to jot down where you’re at and what you’re doing right now.
I’ve found it’s a nice way to sit in the moment, and later look back on the small things we easily forget. Sometimes those small things become the big things :)
For a taking stock list, I just throw out a few verbs and fill in the blanks. Nothing too organised or fancy, just what comes to mind!
Want to be a course tester? LAST CHANCE!!!!
Want to be a tester for my brand new 21 day social media detox course? You can try it for $21USD before it goes on sale to the public. Use code 21FOR21 until March 21st
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
63 Finding fun in the monotony of motherhood
We're told to prioritize self-care, but do we ever really hear about prioritizing fun? I'll share some lessons I've been learning in how to make motherhood more fun
Catherine Price also has a book on the topic called The Power of Fun: Why Fun is the Key to a Happy and Fulfilling Life.
Want to be a course tester?
Want to be a tester for my brand new 21 day social media detox course? You can try it for $21USD before it goes on sale to the public. Use code 21FOR21 until March 21st
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
62 five habits that are making your motherhood miserable
When I look back on my early mothering, I'm often wondering "what would I do differently? What was making me miserable then that I now have clarity on?"
I came up with 5 things.
Want to be a course tester?
Want to be a tester for my brand new 21 day social media detox course? You can try it for $21USD before it goes on sale to the public. Use code 21FOR21 until March 21st
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
61 That Time I was Screamed at Over a Muffin
If you've struggled with motivation and trying to change a behaviour maybe consider that laziness and willpower have nothing to do with it. Maybe you've been trying to make a style of motivation fit when it's a total mismatch to your personality? Today I'll share a tip that has really helped me understand why certain approaches (like bootcamp!) really don't work for my personality type.
Take the 4 Tendencies quiz, and see if you find your 'aha!' moment
You can find Gretchen’s book on the 4 tendencies
Want to be a course tester?
Want to be a tester for my brand new 21 day social media detox course? You can try it for $21USD before it goes on sale to the public. Use code 21FOR21 until March 21st
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale!
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
60 Scrolling and controlling anxiety
This week I jumped to hit record after a client and I pulled out some good nuggets about control. Often, when we automatically go to scroll, we’re not really there for the content (the things we watch, read and listen to). We’re there for the process and the associated feeling (numbing and subconsciously trying to control)
We’re not honest with ourselves (and our therapists!) about our verbs
We tell ourselves we are researching, when actually we are comparing
We say we are relaxing, when actually we are numbing
We say we are checking when actually we are distracting
Instead of surrendering to the fact that we ultimately can’t control things like:
How our children behave (they have free will)
How many followers we will get
How much money we will make
It feels incredibly uncomfortable to surrender so staying with the illusion of control can become a breeding ground for addiction. We ultimately numb, distract, avoid and control things to avoid pain.
Today, I'll share some compassionate tools you can use to recognise when you're using scrolling and checking as a way of controlling anxiety and stress
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale! with the 21 day online course soon to follow
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
59 How I get out of the black hole
This is the one I recorded then deleted three times. Then I recorded it, but decided I didn’t want to publish. I went ahead and wrote a few other posts instead, and look, it would be absolutely fine if I never shared it with the world. But then it nagged at me.
In reading The Tools by Phil Stutz (go watch the Netflix documentary, Stutz if you haven’t yet, it’s brilliant) and Barry Michels, a passage jumped out at me:
‘There is a way to find it [self belief]; it involves a profound secret. What appears to be a weak and inferior Shadow is really the conduit for a higher force- and it’s only this higher force that gives us enduring self-worth’
So, I share this today so that someone else (whether they ever share it with me or not) has the sense of “oh thank God I’m not alone. I don’t have to be perfect”
If you’re having a moment where a negative feeling isn’t passing maybe what you need is to just sit with it.
It’s ok to just sit in the feelings and have compassion for yourself that they are there, rather than trying to fix them or get rid of them.
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale! with the 21 day online course soon to follow
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
58 The antidote to scrolling addiction - monotasking
Today I share a little peak inside the 21 day social media detox course I'm working on. This activity will challenge you to try monotasking - listening to an album from beginning to end WITHOUT doing anything else at the same time. Just listening, not judging, just noticing. When I fist tried this for myself it was embarrassingly much harder than I thought it would be. The urge to pick up my phone or do something else was strong, but I think this helps us with our focus. Just one thing at a time helps the nervous system and brain relax.
Music nerd detour...
Rick Beato has a YouTube channel where he breaks down popular songs in a really satisfyingly nerdy way, if you're interested.
This is his long interview with Billy Corgan. Siamese Dream is probably one of my go-to sit down and listen from start to finish albums, so it was very satisfying to learn how it was produced.
I'd love to hear if you gave this challenge a try, and what your go-to albums are :)
Social Media Detox for Mums now on sale! with the 21 day online course soon to follow
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
57 Social Media Detox for Mums summary
I attempt to summarize my new book, social media detox for mums in less than 10 minutes. A brief overview of what you can expect to find in the chapters and what I hope will be the major takeaways from this book.
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
56 Books for slow, mindful mothering
I take you through a handful of the books that have impacted me in some way along this motherhood journey. Most are not even parenting books per se - there were so many I could include, but ultimately I chose ones that inform my work and philosophy on life, and even a few that have pictures.
Show notes here allows limited space, so for the full title list, head to my blog
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
55 How to work with kids around
When getting up earlier, staying up later, or working when kids nap isn't an option...
I'm currently home with my kids for school holidays, but I've still got work to get done (I've got a book coming out afterall!). In this episode I share a little about how I've gotten things done while the kids are around. It's not perfect. It doesn't always pan out, and yes, to be honest sometimes it feels like we're back in lockdown, but hopefully these suggestions help.
This podcast episode was recorded as part of a video series on my YouTube channel
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open! It's currently part of Booktopia's New Year, New You promo
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
54 Five ways to cope with overstimulation
5 tools to cope with overstimulation. Brene Brown says we cannot selectively numb, and yet we still try it out multiple times a day. Even an amoeba in a petri dish will move away to avoid a toxin. We all avoid feeling pain. When we pick up our phones for a quick check or a quick scroll, it’s often to avoid pain. To distract from the overstimulation of mothering.
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
53 Tools to stay in your body over the holidays
Staying in your body and feeling grounded when you're stressed is hard! My gift to you over this holiday season is some tools to stay grounded and keep your nervous system supported. This particular episode makes more sense with the visuals, so head to my YouTube channel if you want to see me demonstrate the tools
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
52 A Tool to Help With Mum Rage
Is it true that when you heal the trauma you stop some of your trauma reactions?
Not necessarily!
Sometimes, in addition to managing stress and dealing with out traumas, we need pattern interrupters. AKA tools to help undo some automatic behaviours. Maybe you come from a family of yellers and it's become an ingrained, automatic behaviour? As much as you want to stop, it keeps creeping in? If you've struggled with mum rage then this tool I'll share might be useful for you.
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
51 Feeling Like You're Failing? Try This
A tool to use when you're having one of those days (or many of those days!) where you just feel like you're failing at motherhood. Feeling capable and confident is a practise!
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
50 cruel optimism
Instagram can be a positive experience, no doubt. However, it's also a breeding ground for toxic positivity and a cultural phenomenon that's maybe best described as cruel optimism.
Today I'll explain where we blur the boundaries between Positive Psychology (a really useful, evidence based and amazing mental health movement) and toxic positivity.
In other words, what happens when people tout an overly simplistic 'pom pom' shaking approach to mental health and parenting. When we say things like "just be positive", or "practice gratitude" while bypassing some of the complexities of mental health, it can be not only unhelpful, it's downright cruel.
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
49 Five Tools from Hypnobirthing I still use🖐️
My girls have their birthdays 2 days apart so this is the time of the year I think back to their births 5 and 7 years ago. Even though I’m done with babies, I absolutely still use some of the techniques I learned and taught in Hypnobirthing. I used one of them just the other day.
I thought it might be interesting to reflect on what tools I still use.
If you don’t know, I used to teach Hypnobirthing through Hypnobirthing Australia and it helped with my own two traumatic births. It’s still something I endorse and use, I just think there’s a big variety in what’s taught in different programs. I’m personally not a fan of techniques that use too much frontal lobe activity – counting contractions and breathing in and out for certain counts. In birth, we want the problem-solving part of the brain to feel safe enough to turn off so that the deeper, mammalian brain can do what’s it’s designed to do.
I’m also not a fan of the cruel optimism culture that can exist within some Hypnobirthing communities. Planning for a positive birth is one thing. Getting self-righteous about ‘natural or nothing’ can be cruel and invalidating.
There’s no right way to Hypnobirth – drugs or no drugs, interventions or no interventions, you should never be made to feel like you’ve failed or didn’t try hard enough.
I'll talk your through my 5 most used tools!
P.S. If you want to see me use the Chinese Finger Trap exercise, the video format of this episode is on my YouTube channel 👇
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
48 Busyness and Parental Burnout
This week I reflect on busyness and its relationship with parental (or any other kind) burnout
I'll discuss:
Why people look at me funny whenever I'm asked if work is "busy" and I say "No!"
My history with associating being busy with being safe - family patterns, coping with school bullying, work patterns and coping as a new mum with birth trauma
How my body has shown me that I'm no longer built for being busy
Why we use busyness to avoid stillness and why we need stillness to grow and learn
The quote about life that made my stomach flip and an exercise you can use to reflect on the life you want
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
47 do you really have ADHD or is it pandemic burnout?
In this episode I'll spend some time reflecting on an observation I've really noticed in the last 12 months - that more and more women are talking about being diagnosed with ADHD.
I'll cover:
How we can reflect on - what is parental burnout and/or anxiety, depression and trauma from the pandemic, versus what is ADHD?
Is it possible the pandemic has highlighted underlying, undiagnosed ADHD for adult women?
How common is ADHD, really?
A little bit of history behind why so many adults were never diagnosed
Myths around what we think ADHD should look like
Myths and history around medication
What does ADHD look like in adults? What would you be looking for before you go off and get tested (which is an expensive and multi-step process, but might well be life changing for some)
AND- something I'd always stress - The trickiness of diagnosing a neuro-developmental disorder by using observation, rather than actually looking at the brain.
You can watch the video version of this conversation on my YouTube channel
P.S. If you're looking for a Psychologist in Australia who specializes in ADHD, I used to share an office at Uni with Maddi Derrick. She set up ADHD Hobart and has lived experience.
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
46 social media & mental health for Mums
This week I reflect on how social media impact the maintenance stage of mental health
I wonder how many mums go to therapy or coaching for one hour a week. In that one hour, they work on strategies to feel better. But then, within an hour they are on Instagram scrolling for 20-plus hours before their next session. Do you see what I’m saying about how social media addiction might just be cancelling out the deep mental health work? That it might, in fact, be interrupting the process of maintenance?
I'll talk about the cruel optimism that is telling people to "just use it less" and why overly simplistic solutions ultimately don't work for complex issues
I'll share 4 of my top takeaways about my own mental health I've noticed since quitting socials 18 months ago
You can watch the video version of this conversation on my YouTube channel 👇
Pre orders for my new book, Social Media Detox for Mums is open!
Booktopia (21% off)
Angus & Robertson (20% off)
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
45 when to use distraction and when to feel your feelings?
This week I explain something that's the bread and butter of most types of therapies - when should you actually feel and process your feelings and when should you use a tool (like distraction) to just manage in the moment?
I'll cover:
What is 'urge surfing'?
When does distraction NOT work very well?
Validating the experience of having a child who is upset and just isn't calming down with your usual bag of tricks
Thinking about when is it safe to feel feelings
I'll share an anecdote about how even the late Queen used distraction, and a story about how I sometimes used to pass out when I tried using distraction
SALE!
With it being Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Awareness week in Australia (November 6-12th) I'm running a sale on all my mental health courses.
Use code: PANDAWEEK22 at the checkout
For 50% RRP until November 13th
✨Coping with Perinatal Anxiety and Depression (RRP $68 USD down to $34)
✨More Than a Healthy Baby- Coping with Birth Trauma for Parents (RRP $68 USD down to $34)
✨My best-selling Birth Trauma Training for Birth workers (*which now includes the bonus Working with Partners course) RRP $144 USD down to $72
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
Book mentioned
Discipline is Destiny - Ryan Holiday
44 Pay attention to these 4 stressors before you pick up your phone
Today I share an acronym that's used in addiction recovery and why I think it's a helpful prompt to put as a visual on the lock screen of your phone.
I'll cover:
Noticing what your body is telling you about internal stress cues
It's human to want to distract or get rid of pain
Reflecting on your own experience of connection versus communication and are you actually topped up by using your phone? What could you do instead?
Get a copy of my birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
43 when to rest and when to push
This week I reflect back on how much early motherhood takes out of us, and how it can be so hard to figure out when to keep going and when to rest
How the first 5 years of parenting often coincides with the first 5 years of a new business for many mums. Working on your business versus working on your Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs isn't something we're taught at school
How it can feel like the world forgets how exhausting motherhood is. We are expected to parent like we don't have a job, yet work like we don't have kids
How there needs to be a health disclaimer for mothers entering entrepreneurship
Conversations around worth, sleep and productivity as mothers
42 why can't I be the mum I want to be?
In this episode, I talk about shame, should-ing all over yourself and the stuff that stops us from being the Mum we want to be
I talk briefly about:
How shame doesn't change behaviour
An acronym to reflect on how shame feels
What happens when you open your mouth and your mother/grandmother comes out
How we can cope with the shame that gets triggered from our kids and our parenting reactions
Creating your own legacy for the ancestor you want to be
It's deliberately short so you can digest just a chunk :)
41 If you're still feeling overwhelmed, listen to this
I've been noticing myself and other people using the word "still" quite frequently. As in "still" tired, "still" overwhelmed. As if we somehow have an internalized belief that we shouldn't be feeling this way.
Rather than judging ourselves, I wonder what would happen if we stopped adding the word "still" before our emotional experiences?
My birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
40 How I Wrote a Book While Jiggling a Baby in a Carrier
I'm often asked how on earth I managed to write and publish my first book when I still had a baby and a 2 year old. Today, I'll take you through my messy mother's writer's routine and how I wrote More Than a Healthy Baby: Finding Strength and Growth After Birth Trauma.
This was a book that just had to come out of me! and no, I didn't get up at 5AM or sacrifice any precious sleep to get it done.
I'll take you through:
How to take the pressure off and maybe rethink what it actually means to write a book (versus what you think it has to mean)
Why I think a lot of writer routines you hear about are unachievable for mothers (and a bit wanky)
The difference between 'shallow' writing and 'deep writing'
How I take notes and research
How to know if a book topic is going to sustain you for the time it realistically takes to write, publish and promote a book
My birth trauma book: https://amzn.to/3cAuvfu
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: dr.erinbowe@gmail.com
Leonie Dawson's 40 days to a finished book course: https://leoniedawson.mykajabi.com/a/16702/WLQMzAFu
I used this for my second book, Social Media Detox for Mums. If you benefit from the accountability of signing up to a course and having daily check ins, this might help.
39 why Decluttering is Like Mini Therapy
If you struggle to practice self-compassion, know you're not alone!
In this episode I talk about:
Why telling Mums "don't worry about the mess!" can be invalidating
How buying my kids stuff from Kmart to get a dopamine hit through lockdowns was OK. How it's also OK to move that stuff along now, along with all the gifts family wanted to give them after not seeing them for a while.
Normalising mum rage
Why clutter can be triggering for childhood wounds. I talk about my own ancestral patterning around poverty vs having too much "stuff"
How to practise self-compassion by allowing ourselves to sit with the negative emotions that come up when we have regret or shame around purchases or things we've brought into the house that we don't use, want or even like!
If you'd like to follow along my slow living journey on my YouTube channel
I also send a weekly email and have old school-style pen pals rather than use social media :)
38 Ten things to slow down mum life
10 things to help slow down life. Some of these things are mental health specific tips, others are things I'd write in a letter to 'past Me'. Lessons, things I wish I did differently. As always, these are not rules or things one must live by! It will be different for everyone. These are just things that helped me.
37 Five handy mental health tools for Mums
Today I'll teach you a great tool for remembering 5 easy mental health tools. Things you can count on when you're overwhelmed or stressed. I've used this in therapy for years, and when I used to teach hypnobirthing this was probably the most popular and useful tool I taught birth partners!
36 What We Do in the Shadows
Should we be just 'be positive?' Or is there space to normalise and talk about secret, shameful, hidden behaviours?
Many of us have been indoctrinated into an idea that engaging with shadow is not something 'nice girls' are supposed to do. There are also massive fears for Mums who have negative thoughts about what it means if you're drawn towards reading horrific news or watching violent crime shows.
What are some of the reasons our brains drift towards finding negative content engaging?
Can engaging with negative content be part of healthy anger release and shadow work?
What needs do doom scrolling, watching sad animal videos and Facebook 'stalking' serve? Why does your brain do things like this?
35 Quick Nervous System Reset
A super quick, easy technique to reset your nervous system. Directed eye movements to calm the vagus nerve.
Note, you can be lying down or seated for this, but not driving!
34 the movie I'd love you to watch
Black mothers in the Bronx are still 12 times more likely to die in childbirth than white women
For more information about the film, visit:
https://www.aftershockdocumentary.com
My interview with Bruce McIntyre
My book:
More Than a Healthy Baby: Finding strength and growth after birth trauma
33 Can't Relax When You Ditch Your Phone? It's Not Your Fault
So you've tried using your phone less and you're left antsy, fidgety and generally not feeling as calm as you tell yourself you should?
You're not alone! While the idea of using your phone less is a good one, it's still a huge change and there's not enough conversation around what happens to your brain when you make a huge change like this.
Why you can't stop checking and looking for rewards, reassurance, and validation
Why talking about will power and self-control is too simplistic and unhelpful
Why distraction is a community problem, not an individual problem
www.doctorerin.com.au
32 Wellness Fatigue and the American Psycho Test
Beating yourself up for not drinking 2 liters of water a day, doing yoga every morning, journaling for 30 minutes, making green smoothies with $40 lettuces, intermittent fasting, knowing if you should be doing HITT or lifting weights, never sitting down unless you’re meditating…? It’s all a bit exhausting
Rhythms and routines are good if they help you, but notice if they feel restrictive or something you use to punish yourself?
I'll teach you a trick I use to decide if a morning routine is helpful or unhelpful
31 The Void Between Distraction & Rest
So many of us are spending our days switching between distraction and rest. Where is the middle? Without a 'middle state' (positive goals and finding a flow state) we will just drift back to distraction again and again and again. We seek escape from distraction by crashing. We cope with a day of overload by collapsing in front of the tv or scrolling because our brains are fried from over stimulation and the idea of 'doing' anything with effort seems too much. But if you only break away from distraction into rest and don’t replace it with a flow, genuine fun and a positive goal you are striving towards, you’ll always be pulled back to distraction. We need flow state.
Social media companies don't really want you finding flow state. It's not in their best financial interest to have you working on hobbies or spending hours getting lost fun without them. They want your eyeballs on their platform for as long as possible.
Let's talk about how to get yourself out of the rest-distract cycle gently and without judgment.
The book I'm reading that I mentioned: Stolen Focus by Johann Hari https://amzn.to/3RJ1LRp