Everything That Came Before Grace - The Podcast

A very special episode. Divine Weeks guitarist and long time friend Raj Makwana interviews Bill. It's really more a conversation between two old friends on the eve of the release of Bill's new book. 

We jump forward to April 2021, and Benjamin shares the euphoria of moving to New York then the crushing dose of reality brought on by the pandemic. The pall has lifted and everyone is trying to return to normalcy. Benjamin meets Sophia and her boyfriend Tomas for dinner,  and she invites her professor who's running late. Sophia shares that she got an internship at the U.N. Benjamin asks how she got that, and Sophia tells him it was arranged by someone Benjamin would never expect. Benjamin excuses himself to go to the restroom and he bumps into a stranger then they go their separate ways. Moments later he returns to the table and finds a surprise.    Songs:  "This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)" - Talking Heads  Check out the ETCBG Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=M8-ITKvgTYCkVelbdHhVCw

On the night before he moves to New York, Benjamin has a dream about driving up the coast one last time but his car breaks down. He gets picked up by a stranger, but he can't see her face. She drops him off somewhere he doesn't recognize and starts to pull away. He sees her face, and he realizes who it is. He wakes up and finishes packing then heads off to the airport. On the way, he hears a song, and suddenly feels free to start his new life.  Songs:  Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=Wf2LMcPYT8KiyEc8uU290g

It's a busy last day in L.A. for Benjamin as he says goodbye to Sarah, gives a parting gift to Cassandra then takes a ride with an Uber driver for a last look at his city. Songs:  “No Second Thoughts” – Tom Petty “Willin’” – Little Feat Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=6dvln2QQRAqGERJhbbc6Xw

Two days before moving to New York, Benjamin meets up with Anna, the first time they've seen each other since the day she drove off three years earlier. She tells him she found out Keith's secret, and she's leaving him. While she tells him the news he's been waiting to hear for a decade, something strange and unexpected happens.   Songs:  "Why Can't I Touch It" - Buzzcocks  "Lovin' You Ain't Easy" - Michael Pagliaro Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=OEkWVVLWRfGhEpoVO9-kPA

Benjamin recounts the past three years since Sophia went off to college. It got dark for awhile then Benjamin had a moment of clarity while listening to the Staple Singers and suddenly it hurt too much not to start moving forward. So he did. He pays a visit to Sophia in New York, and while there, a voice from the past calls and Sophia handles it. On the flight back to L..A., Benjamin doesn't feel like he's going home, but rather, leaving his heart behind in New York. When he lands, he calls Sophia and tells her he's moving to New York. He starts making plans, then three days before he leaves he gets a text from Anna asking him to meet up because she has some news she wants to share.  Songs:  “Uncloudy Day” – Staples Singers “Wise Up” – Aimee Mann “Take This Waltz” – Leonard Cohen “The Wind” – Cat Stevens Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=mAGfaxu_Rg-Z9m7KE3j8bw

Benjamin flies back from dropping off Sophia at college and remembers the moment they said goodbye. Then when he gets back home he has a couple of surprises waiting for him.  Songs:  “Tears of Rage” – The Band It’s a Motherfucker” – The Eels “Still Water” – Daniel Lanois Check out the ETCBG Playlist on SPotifyhttps://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=z54OqlxWQTuwgg9JnjiAnQ

Benjamin and Anna plan another day together, and when Anna comes over to pick him up, she's thrown by Sophia playing the consulate host and getting a peek into their world. After Sophia heads out, Anna and Benjamin have a heart to heart that culminates in her making a shocking admission.  Songs:  "I Heard That Lonesome Whistle Blow" - Hank Williams  Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=4CFAQvEGTeOlXr3J78ekOw

Sophia's been gone a month now, and she'll be going off to college in just over a month. Benjamin decides he has to do something to get her back home. He shows up at an event and convinces her to come home with him. On the long drive home through traffic, Sophia tells him she's done some digging and found his dad and wants some answers about his past. Finally, Benjamin spills the beans about his dad and what really happened to his mom. Sophia then tells Benjamin she knows about he and Anna carrying on, and when he confesses his 20 year love for her, Sophia sees her dad in an entirely new light. 

Sophia has been gone for three weeks, and Benjamin is a wreck. He confides in Sarah who tells him when she ran off while still in high school. When Benjamin gets home, he tries reaching out to Sophia, but she's not having it.  Songs:  "Come Talk To Me" - Peter Gabriel Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=xpYN14PVT4aXJhyD46BZ-g

Benjamin wakes up the next morning, and immediately senses Sophia is gone. He goes out to the dining room and she's left a letter for him. 

Benjamin and Anna spend a day together having brunch, taking  drive up the coast, stopping at the tide pools and sitting down for a heart to heart on the sand. On the drive home, Anna asks Benjamin about his mom, and he tries to decide how much to reveal. After Anna drops Benjamin off, Sophia gets home late again and they fight. Sophia tells her dad she's going to stay at her friend Jordan's for awhile.  Songs:  “Tracks of my Tears” – Smokey Robinson & The Miracles “Hold On” – Alabama Shakes “Hello Sunshine” – Aretha Franklin “Real Love” – Father John Misty “Romeo & Juliet” – Dire Straits “Maps” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs “We Flat” – PJ Harvey “I Only Have Eyes For You” – The Flamingos “A Love Supreme Pt. IV Psalm” – John Coltrane Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=xpYN14PVT4aXJhyD46BZ-g

In another session with Cassandra, Benjamin shares things are still not any better with Sophia. Cassandra warns him to stop suffocating her, and he tells her he can't let up now that she's so close to heading off to college. Cassandra tells him he's been so obsessed with protecting Sophia, he's missed the fact that she's been fine this whole time. At the end of the session, Cassandra gives Benjamin some unsettling news.  Songs:  House That Heaven Built" - The Japandroids  Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=xpYN14PVT4aXJhyD46BZ-g

Keith calls Benjamin out of the blue and asks him out for a drink. Benjamin hesitates then Keith tells him it's the 20th anniversary of his dad's death. To his surprise, they start to have a great time, but then he sees something on Keith's phone that changes everything.  Songs:  "Pedestrian at Best" - Courtney Barnett "Back in Black" - AC/DC Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=HvGl0XxRSnG06VIcI39N2g

Sophia gets home late and Benjamin tells her to mind the curfew better. They argue, and Sophia accuses her dad of hiding things again. When he denies it, she tells him she found his Zoloft. When she marches off and locks the door behind her, Benjamin has another panic attack. He calls Anna, but she can't talk.  Songs: "Orphan Girl" - Emmylou Harris Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=HvGl0XxRSnG06VIcI39N2g

Another year has passed, and Sophia is now midway through senior year. She's just been accepted to Columbia and time is winding down for her to head off to college, but Sophia has still not forgiven Benjamin. Benjamin is sitting out front when Sophia comes home from school crying and locks herself in her room. Braving reprisal, Benjamin knocks on her door and heads in to see what's up. They have a talk and start chipping away at some of their issues.   Songs:  "Lazarus" - David Bowie "Hurt" - Johnny Cash “Tower of Song” – Leonard Cohen “There Goes My Beautiful World” – Nick Cave “Wuthering Heights” – Kate Bush Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=SCz_0cRXSYWx6Fn83Jccrg

It's later that same night Anna and Benjamin had their meet up. Anna asks wants to know why Benjamin keeps guarding that line between them. He tells her why. She asks if he wants her to back away, and he begs her not to. 

Benjamin and Anna meet for lunch, the first time they've seen each other since the Christmas party over two years ago. Benjamin gives her a birthday mixtape, and then they take a drive over to check out hers and Keith's new house. It's a close call.  Songs:  “Sweet Feeling” – Candi Staton “Long Monday” – John Prine “Are You The One I’m Waiting For” – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds “Keep a Knockin’” – Little Richard Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=e_1fvko8Tku2nxMG-5H91Q

It's been a year of Benjamin and Anna carrying on via emails. Sophia has a boyfriend now and things are still tense between she and her dad. The emails continue, and the envelope keeps getting pushed. They finally agree to meet up in person.  Songs:  "Have a Little Faith in Me" - John Hiatt Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=pyV5BxFhSKKxx15yGlRENQ

Benjamin levels with Cassandra he's been guilty of emotional infidelity with Anna for the past few months. On the drive home, Benjamin gets a lift listening to a great new song, and he makes out a list of what makes life worth living.   Songs:  “Red Eyes” – The War on Drugs “Magnolia” – Gang of Youths Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=Rl-iAr7mTrCry1upHdSZiA

After over a year of radio silence, Benjamin gets an email from Anna and they start an epistolary relationship.  Songs:  "I Fall To Pieces" - Patsy Cline Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=U-zI6Eu4QiOhGrIkIcWujQ

After Benjamin and Sophia spend the first good day they've had all year, he thinks they've turned the corner. However, at dinner that night, it's clear they're still a chasm apart from reconciliation. When Sophia retires for the night, Benjamin goes outside to sit on his old wicker chair again, and feels as down as he's been since Catherine died.  Songs:  "Rich as Fuck" - Lil Wayne "Wild Mountain Thyme" - Fotheringay https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=XStMr0YqQn2PPzcdfcnqeg

Sophia cancels on Benjamin at the last minute leaving him alone on a Saturday night. Over the course of the evening, Benjamin gets told off by Angela, watches the Dodgers, becomes master of his domain, sits in Sophia's room and reminisces about the good times then peeks at something he shouldn't have.  Songs:  “Road” – Nick Drake “A Little Is Enough” – Pete Townshend “Backstreets” – Bruce Springsteen “Cypress Avenue” – Van Morrison Check out to ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=70I_xOeOR6KyVkrcoVwujQ

It's six weeks post-Christmas party, and while the shock has worn off, Sophia keeps withdrawing and the tension remains high. She finally confronts Benjamin about what happened the night of the Christmas party, and then has some very pointed questions. Benjamin asks her if things can get back to where it was, but she tells him it's not time. Songs:  "When I Stop Dreaming" - Louvin Brothers Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=4eZZ77dyRoW-TupOSrTKzg

Benjamin confesses to Cassandra what happened the night of the Christmas party, and how bad things now are with Sophia. He finally acquiesces to taking meds. 

Benjamin and the now 14 year old Sophia go to Anna and Keith's Christmas party. Benjamin drifts out to the kitchen where Anna is making hors d'oeuvres. As the conversation ensues, Benjamin goes from nursing his scotch to gulping it, and things get tense and confrontational. Benjamin storms off capping another fateful night in his history. Songs:  "White Christmas" - Darlene Love   Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=LmDcYwlYQ9mMkmUfCoNhRQ

Catherine's parents, Gene and Lucy, are in town and want to have dinner at El Coyote with Benjamin and Sophia. Sophia and Benjamin roam the crowded iconic restaurant looking for them and bump into Benjamin's college friends who know about his feelings for Anna. When Benjamin finally sits down with Gene and Lucy, it's more like an interrogation and status report with his parole officers.  

On the drive home from work, Benjamin gets a call from Sophia who asks him for permission to go away for the weekend to Coachella. He says no, and Sophia snaps triggering a panic attack in Benjamin. He doesn't know who to call but finally calls Anna who comes to the rescue, and they share a moment. Songs:  "Electric Feel" - MGMT "Rebellion (Lies)" - Arcade Fire "Peace Piece" - Bill Evans Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=qDrgd79KTh2oZ-_94cDdoA

With Cassandra's warning ringing in his ears, Benjamin sits Sophia down for "The Talk." She initially recoils, but when Benjamin tells her it's a lot more than learning about sex, but rather having a set of non-negotiable rules she needs to define about herself, it becomes a bonding experience for the two of them.  Songs:  "Dragon Lady" - The Geraldine Fibbers Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=8MAzgABYQxqjMqbSlWJ8dQ

Benjamin shares with Cassandra he's coming down with an early case of empty nest syndrome. She continues to challenge him about his refusal to stay out of a relationship until after Sophia goes off to college. When he won't budge, she confronts him with a question that puts his whole modus operandi into question,  "You Can Make It If You Try" - Sly & The Family Stone Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=7mZGqcDhSAKGE7_-3Ta-Pw

As Benjamin sits out on his old wicker chair one warm summer night, he recounts the last year. He feels like he's drifting and he keeps trying to keep up with Sophia who's now almost a teenager. As Sophia withdraws and becomes more guarded, Benjamin doesn't know what to do with himself and feels increasingly inadequate as a parent. Time keeps marching on, and Cassandra keeps recommending going on meds but Benjamin chooses to white knuckle it. Meanwhile, Benjamin keeps hooking up with Angela even though he feels like he's illogically cheating on Anna by doing so.  Songs:  "Drifting Blues" - John Lee Hooker Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=C0AgjkQWQMO3EQEtRjsnag

Benjamin finally relents and accepts Angela's invitation to a fundraiser at Sophia's school. After, she invites him over to her house.  Songs:  "Function at the Junction" - Shorty Long  Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=oJp0oFB1SF-Td11O1heUsQ

It's been six months since Anna and Benjamin shared their feelings, and Benjamin goes back to Cassandra for another session. Cassandra pushes him to start dating, and he says he can't. She keeps pushing and he says he can wait until after Sophia goes off to college.   Songs: “Sing Me Back Home” – Merle Haggard “Speed of Life” – David Bowie Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=ufRj09iuRxiVnNFV9Jm4jQ

Anna calls Benjamin at work the day after his blind date and wants some answers. After they both share their feelings, Benjamin goes back inside and tells Sarah. Sarah warns him to stay away from her. 

Benjamin goes on a blind date with Anna's friend Darlene. After some awkward starts and stops over dinner, they go back to her place. Benjamin can't get out of his head and things don't go well.  Songs:  “Message of Love” – Pretenders “Blue in Green” – Miles Davis Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=IvdgVBZ_RjWbmi5f5z8TtA

Benjamin and Sophia go over to Anna and Keith's for dinner. Benjamin does his best to adjust to now being the third wheel and Anna and Keith as the couple. The night ends with Anna and Keith setting Benjamin up on a blind date.  Songs:  “So Long, Lonesome” – Explosions in the Sky “Wake Up” – Maroon 5 Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=UpgNq8LLRpOmh29Uj5GfEQ

After tucking Sophia in, Benjamin sits out front on his old wicker chair and tries to write. His two dogs, Coco and Cooper come out to join him as is their wont. Benjamin then shares his affinity for dogs.     "How To Fight Loneliness" - Wilco Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=YwvJ0GCOSG-3fZHz3oZNbA

After a rough summer following the wedding, Benjamin decides to take Sophia on a trip to New York. Sophia catches her dad off guard asking him about her mother and whether he ever had a one true love.  

Benjamin watches Anna marry Keith then during his best man's best fantasizes about what he'd really like to say. Later, he and Anna share a dance that would make Uma Thurman and John Travolta proud.  Songs:  “Nowhere to Run” – Martha & The Vandellas “You Never Can Tell” – Chuck Berry Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=ZLIfFg6mT7qYtS4ttq2bhg

We rejoin the present - it's February 2008 - and we meet Benjamin's feisty co-worker Sarah then he heads off for another session with Cassandra. Benjamin talks about his OCD, the haunting dream he had, and the period right after the car accident. Benjamin then asks Cassandra a question, and she has a few questions for him. After the session, Benjamin goes to pick up Sophia at school and he meets someone.  Songs: "So Far Away" - Carole King Check out the ETCBg Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=ZLIfFg6mT7qYtS4ttq2bhg

Benjamin recalls 9/11 when Sophia was only 3 and he was still trying to find his bearings. After a grueling morning watching the terrible news on TV,  he takes Sophia to a park and meets a stranger who gives him some sage advice. 

We jump back to the present - it's early January 2008 - and Benjamin shares his process for getting himself out of the dark places he sometimes goes. A process he got from someone he met on 9/11 seven years earlier.   Songs:  “Waiting for a Superman” – Flaming Lips “I’m Set Free” – Velvet Underground “Privilege (Set Me Free)” – Patti Smith “Get Away Jordan” – Dorothy Love Coats “Drowning Man” – U2 “The Wind” – Cat Stevens “Don’t Let It Bring You Down” – Neil Young “All Things Must Pass” – George Harrison “Tired of Being Alone” – Al Green “Talk About the Passion” – R.E.M. “American Beauty Theme” – Thomas Newman “Dimming of the Day” – Richard & Linda Thompson “St. James Infirmary” – Louis Armstrong “Take My Hand Precious Lord” – Nina Simone Check out the ETCBG playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=pUDINxlFR1uMY43L08Bkjg

Benjamin sits down with Catherine and has a couple of talks. 

Anna returns to L.A. after spending Christmas break with her mom up north, and tells Benjamin she needs a break. After giving her a week to cool down, Benjamin calls Anna and asks if she wants to go to Keith's birthday party together and they argue. Later, at the party, Anna freezes him out, and Benjamin meets a stranger by chance.   Songs:  “Anemone” – The Brian Jonestown Massacre “Sleep on the Left Side” – Cornershop “Hypnotize” – The Notorious B.I.G. “Lyrics of Fury” – Eric B. & Rakim MMMBop” – Hanson “Semi-Charmed Life” – Third Eye Blind “Who Was In My Room Last Night” – Butthole Surfers Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=t21GB-KJTvCsoNOg-kjM_Q

Benjamin, Anna and Keith head downtown to barhop and then see The Melvins at Al's Bar, but they get lost and never make it. They end up at the King Eddy and while a strange lady comes on to Keith, Benjamin and Anna go outside to get some air, and Benjamin asks Anna a question.   Songs:  “The New Pollution” – Beck “Criminal” – Fiona Apple “Bittersweet Symphony” – The Verve “Dancing in the Moonlight” – King Harvest “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” – Frank Sinatra "Isis" - Bob Dylan Check out the ETCBg Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=UQiFjMk1SRC23dq26XqfUQ

After a year and a half of Keith encroaching on Benjamin and Anna's relationship, the three of them take a camping trip into the Sierras and Benjamin finally starts to see the real Keith. Benjamin and Keith then go on a road trip together and come away as the best of friends.  Songs:  “High and Dry” – Radiohead “Still Be Around” – Uncle Tupelo Check out the ETCBg Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=TwVN7cwTQ06knykr96lKaQ

Benjamin and Anna have been dating for a month now going ice skating, roaming the aisles at bookstores, going to get Zonkou Chicken and to see Pulp Fiction, and taking a romantic walk along the Santa Monica bluffs. All the while, Keith keeps asking Anna out. In this chapter, Benjamin and Anna are on the way to see the premiere to Shawshank Redemption but traffic is beastly, and they call an audible. Benjamin drives her up to Mulholland Drive, a favorite spot, where they look out over all of L.A. Anna interrogates Benjamin and then they take the next step in their relationship.   Songs:  “Be My Baby” – The Ronettes “Love is All Around” – Husker Du “Ain’t No Mountain” – Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell “Best of My Love” – The Emotions “Crazy” – Patsy Cline “Your Silent Face” – New Order “This Will Be Our Year” – The Zombies “Loving You Is Sweeter Than Ever” – The Four Tops “She’s a Mystery to Me” – Roy Orbison “You Are So Beautiful” – Joe Cocker “Lorelei” – Cocteau Twins “One For My Baby” – Frank Sinatra “I Am A Scientist” – Guided by Voices “Temporary Like Achilles” – Bob Dylan “Just Like Honey” – Jesus & Mary Chain “Whole of the Moon” – The Waterboys Listen to the Lion” – Van Morrison Rhapsody in Blue” – George Gershwin “Bargain” – The Who “God Only Knows” – Beach Boys “Take Me to the Water” – Nina Simone “The Maker” – Daniel Lanois “Oh Mary, Don’t You Weep” – The Swan Silvertones “Ocean Rain” – Echo & The Bunnymen “Waterloo Sunset” – The Kinks “Oh Happy Day” – The Edwin Hawkins Singers Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=ELJFP4OKQCmIKo7kfU0D_w

It's Part 1 - The College Years for the next 6 chapters.  In this episode, it's September 26, 1994, Benjamin's first day of college at UCLA and the first day he meets Anna and Keith, two people that will figure prominently in Benjamin's life for the next 25 years. Benjamin is smitten with Anna who he thinks looks like Ali McGraw. Keith is an imposing figure who is equally smitten with the beautiful Anna. Benjamin takes them both out for tacos and then to a movie before stealing Anna away for a drive up the coast. They sit on a big sand mountain and have a talk into the night.  Songs:  “Gold Sound” – Pavement “Sabotage” – Beastie Boys “From a Motel 6” – Yo La Tengo “Loser” – Beck “More Than This” – Roxy Music “Night in the City” – Joni Mitchell Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify:  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=1Igemj7pTbmo-wmF6VyKfg

It's later on December 21, 2007 and Benjamin is racing from Cassandra's to pick his daughter Sophia up from school on time. After loading up the car, Benjamin listens to a voice mail from someone he hasn't heard from in a decade. When they get home, we get a glimpse into their world inside their small apartment in the Miracle Mile District of Los Angeles. After dinner and helping Sophia with her homework, Benjamin finds something shattering in the mail. After tucking Sophia into bed, Benjamin sits out front on his old wicker chair and flashes back to the first time he saw Anna, the only girl he's ever loved.  Songs: “Color of the Blues” – George Jones Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=s7Il7g3dT9eH-rfI0UcN0A

We start off with The Prologue. It's December 21, 2007 and single father Benjamin Bradford is sitting in the waiting room of the Kaiser mental health  facility that’s at Washington and Inglewood in Culver City. While he waits to see his longtime therapist Cassandra he’s staring out the window at an old couple sitting on a bench in overcoats and fedoras like it’s 1942. It’s like he's seeing his own vision come to life. Benjamin fancies himself a writer so he starts to jot down a back story for this old couple. As he walks the hallway to Cassandra’s office, he's singing Portishead’s “Sour Times” to himself, the first of 137 songs name checked in the book. When Benjamin sits down with Cassandra, we start to see the inner struggle going on with Benjamin. How he maintains two worlds – the crazy one he tries to keep under wraps and a secret from his daughter Sophia, and the one outside with the mask on. This duality is at the heart of his drive to protect Sophia from the mental illness that runs in his family. He’s haunted by his mother’s death because he wasn’t able to get her into what he calls the lifeboat in time, so he’s hellbent on getting Sophia in one.  Remember to like the ETCB FB page, and check out the ETCBG website: www.everythingthatcamebeforegrace.com Songs: "Sour Times" - Portishead Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=EcrCyKEXR1GWISqtXdWNhg

The inaugural episode introducing what the podcast is all about.