Ethical Seduction

Ethical Seduction will be taking a break for the next season. We want to step back and re-analyze our focus and so that the content we provide you really helps give you a direct path for finding the partners you want in your life - be that for casual sex, romantic interests, or simply to be around better matched people! This episode explains what you can expect when we return in the fall.

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Just about everyone has some experience about being misled or tricked because the other person they met wasn’t honest or upfront about who they were or what they wanted. People lie about their appearances, age, what they want, how they feel, and what their intentions actually are! At the very least this can waste your time and drain your emotional energy, but we all know it can get much worse than that!

This episode will give you specific things to look for in order to spot when someone is lying, misrepresenting themselves, or being manipulative. We want you to be able to spot the inauthentic people so you can be safe, weed them out, and focus your time and attention on the people who matter.

Here is a list of the negative, inauthentic traits we will help you identify and deal with.

• Manipulative and judgmental types who want to control you.
• Attention seekers who will drain you.
• People pleasers who secretly want something from you.
• Cockiness used as a tool to either impress you or belittle you.
• Identifying a lack of consistency in someone.
• Being wary of those who hide their emotions.
• People who act perfect because they are hiding who they are.

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Everyone has wants and needs which is why this whole Ethical Seduction Podcast was created. Specifically, to help you meet and connect with the people you are attracted to! However once you know what it is that you want, how do you go about getting it? Well don’t worry because we walk you through our simple 2-step process for asking for what you want and getting it!

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Relationships need to change over time. But how can you do this successfully once that relationship is established? When you make changes, it is always risky, but there are some ways you can manage those risks and have better, more successful communication with your partners. Steve and Brandie started out romantically, then had to “pull it back” to a friendship, but then continued to develop the closeness and intimacy. This show has Brandie and Steven sharing how they made these changes together - including what worked, what didn’t, and ways you can make these conversations easier, safer, and more successful.

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While most people have heard the advice that being intriguing or a little mysterious is super attractive, most people don’t know how to playfully do this with their interactions. Or worse, they force it and it comes across as being disingenuous and actually turns people off. So this episode is a case study or analysis of how Steven and Brandie play and interact sexually. You will get to hear some examples of things that on the surface sound contradictory, but we will explain what’s going on and why these work. Because once you see the pattern and understand the concept, you will be able to apply the same ideas to your own flirting style. You will be able to draw people in and have your interactions be fun, engaging, and connecting - both in and out of the bedroom!

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Intimacy is that feeling we get where we feel connected, validated, and safe. Learning how to be more intimate with partners can be difficult for many of us, however it is probably the most important thing we can learn in order to form deeper connections. In this episode intimacy coach Kim Holden teaches us:

• How we can safely open ourselves up to other partners.
• How we can encourage others to open and share themselves with us.
• How to handle any romantic or sexual “fear of intimacy” you may experience.
• How to confidently and authentically put yourself out there to attract the types of people you want.
• How to use your own vulnerability to create a sense of attraction and connection in others.

Kim Holden’s Links:

There are several specific ways to generate feelings of attraction in other people. If you flip these switches, they will be drawn to you! However if you approach and communicate poorly, such as bragging about how awesome you are, you will accidentally turn people off. This episode will give you the best technique for creating attraction and explain the difference between what works and what does not. By the end of the podcast you will know what to do and what to avoid when flirting and getting to know someone.

Nothing helps us understand how attraction works better than examining the bad boy / bad girl attraction styles. We examine what badass traits are attractive and turn us on, as well as noticing which aspect are negative turn-offs! By separating these out and only incorporating the positive ones, you can make yourself much more attractive to those around you.

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BDSM scene-negotiation has a general set of questions that you and your partner should discuss before choosing to play together. But did you know you can apply a lot of this process to regular conversations to help make them much more personal and connecting? This episode starts with an overview of BDSM scene-negotiation, but then gives you 5 tips you can apply to your flirtatious conversations to help generate excitement and enthusiasm in your partner. Your conversations will become deeper, more meaningful, and way sexier!

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With dating and relationships, competition is real. However there is a healthy, positive way to approach competition that will easily help you stand out from the crowd, boost your attractiveness, and keep you in the forefront of the person’s mind. This episode will help:

• Reduce fears you may have dealing with competition.
• Teach you a method for growing and standing out in competitive environments.
• Allow you to focus, stay present, and enjoy the person you are with.

Because while competition is real, you should get to live the life you want, with the people you want.

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We all have our own unique quirks about us, but we don’t usually think of our quirks as something we can use to attract other people! However the fact is, if we want to stand out from the crowd, it’s our quirks, uniqueness, and authenticity that will really amp up how attractive we are perceived as being. Here we teach you how to leverage your own quirks so you can press the other person’s attraction buttons!

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People often give dating advice saying “just be confident”, but they never tell you HOW to do this! The secret is learning to take small risks, knowing that if you make a mistake, you can admit it and not be worried about it. So this episode teaches you:

• What confidence is and ways you can develop your own.
• How to recognize inaccurate beliefs and change or refine them.
• How to deal with mistakes and find the opportunities in them.
• And most importantly, how to be less worried about the opinions of others.

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What can you learn from a kink/bdsm party? This episode is about breaking out of our routines, experiencing something new, and stealing ideas that will help us be more authentic and stand out from the crowd - the key things that press our attraction/desire buttons! Education is a HUGE focal point for the Kink Community and all of us who host the Ethical Seduction podcast feel like we have personally learned so much about social skills, flirting, attraction, and authenticity from the Kink Community. So when Steven was invited to attend a recent Candyland Kink Party, he took the opportunity to chat with people and steal some seduction and attraction tips from those in the kink/bdsm lifestyle.

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Also Available!

When two people meet up or go out on a date, they are often searching to find common interests. But more importantly, they are usually looking for that special connecting thing they want to team up and explore together. This podcast episode helps walk you through ways to make this a fun, connected conversation, where you figure out what you are both interested in exploring together. Because once you have this figured out, you will both be excited to soon be meeting up for that next date.

Conversational Format Discussed:

1. Beginning: Small talk, establishing trust and comfort.
2. Middle: Finding commonalities.
3. End: Uncovering what you both want to explore together.

Bonus: The most important sentence of the episode: Of all the things that you love and are into, what do you want more of, and what aspect is unfulfilled that you want to explore.

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More Material:

If you are ever going to have the sexual or romantic relationships that you want, you have to figure out how to express your desires. In this episode we cover several different ways to not only show that you are interested in someone, but to do so in ways that are attractive.

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Ethical Seduction - Authentic approaches to flirting and connecting.

Most people complain about dating and how hard it is. Perhaps this is because what we often hope will happen is not representative of how flirting, dating, and connecting actually work. In this episode we have a round-table discussion to figure out realistic expectations to have around dating, in the hopes that this makes the process easier and more enjoyable for us all.

Kimberly has hit the dating scene and been trying out, comparing, and using the latest dating apps. Here we will discuss the differences between the top dating apps, plus cover what approaches work best for each one. This way you can choose and focus on the one that best suits your dating style. Plus we share some tips for creating your dating app profile.

Dating Apps we reviewed:

This is part 2 of our two part series covering validation and qualification for dating and relationships. Part 1 covered the validation portion and this episode, Part 2, focuses on the process called “Qualification”. Qualification is a term for determining if someone is worthy of you. The dangers are that poorly done qualification can lead to manipulation, while well done qualification can act as a filter to make sure you match up with people who share similar values, wants, desires, and goals. Qualification is a process for finding people who fit well with you and the better you are at it, the easier your dating life is going to be.

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Ethical Seduction - Authentic approaches to flirting and connecting.

This is part 1 of our two part series covering validation and qualification for dating and relationships. Part 1 focuses specifically on the validation process. We all want others to value and appreciate us, but it’s got to be done for legitimate reasons or else it feels manipulative and creepy. This episode focuses on how you can use validation in a positive way to help strengthen trust and increase attraction, as well as how to avoid the pitfalls that could be pushing people away from you.

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Ethical Seduction - Authentic approaches to flirting and connecting.

In this episode we will show you how mistakes, accidents, and problems that arise can turn out to be something positive, helping to establish trust and strengthen your relationship. We will give you tips for figuring out what to do in these critical moments, so you can correct the issue and demonstrate that you can be counted on! Knowing how to handle situations that come up can alleviate worry, build your confidence, and allow you to go for the things in life you really want!

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Ethical Seduction - Authentic approaches to flirting and connecting!

This episode explores everything related to touch and physical contact for when you are on a date. What signs should you look for before you reach for their hand? When should you make the first move and what do different forms of touch imply? And how exactly does one escalate that physical contact into something more sexual? We cover all these aspects and more, using consent as our guide for making sure your first moments are positive and memorable for all the right reasons!

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Ethical Seduction - Authentic approaches to flirting and connecting.

In this episode we cover multiple things you can do to help attract other people so they approach you, so you become more approachable! Before you start any conversations, we want those around you to notice who you are, to feel a sense of curiosity, and to want to get to know you better! This way you can have options, opportunities and choices for attracting the people you find interesting. Making yourself more approachable is not as hard as most people think and these flirting tips will help you get noticed!

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Eva and Brandie take over this episode and lead us on a journey of sexy play ideas! They cover 26 easy and fun ways you can be a more interesting, playful lover in bed, AND be set up up for making real intimate connections. Because flirting and seduction are not just about getting into the bedroom, but also about being good, fun, and exploratory when your pants are off!

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In this episode we cover three big flirting mistakes that everyone should avoid, yet somehow these are super common and tend to plague and cripple people constantly. Accidentally misrepresenting yourself, being perceived as creepy, or getting excited and trying to make things happen too quickly can all cause you to get shut down before you’ve even had a chance to present yourself. So we explain what’s going on with each of these, what to avoid, and the positive flip side that serves as your guide for what to DO when flirting!

This episode tackles the question of what should come first, Sex or Romance? Many people have opinions on how chemistry, or sexual attraction, should fit in with compatibility, but is there a real answer to how you should do this? We think so but it also depends on what exactly you are after and it’s going to differ from person to person. Eva leads our discussion to help you figure out what is best for your in your person situation: Chemistry (sexual attraction) or Compatibility (romantic attraction).

Everyone wants to please their partners sexually and knowing how to give good head is a must! Blow jobs, cunnilingus, and rimming (yes rimming!) all have some things you need to learn if you are going to do these well to arouse your partner! Plus many people have questions about what is sanitary or what one may be expected to do when giving head. (“Do you spit or swallow?”)

We review the book called “The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want” by Author Jeffrey Hall. The author has created labels and a framework for better understanding flirting styles, which is bound to help listeners better understand themselves and those they interact with. However the podcasters also question the accuracy and hetronormitized assumptions presented in the book. While the five flirting styles presented are worth learning, so is the discussion based around the book's findings.

Those in the sex work business see and learn things about sex, seduction, human nature, and intimacy that many of us outside the adult business are not privy to see. So we asked our friend Ivy Minxxx, who is thriving in the adult industry and does wide variety of “sex work”, to share her thoughts and sexy experience to help us with our own flirting, seduction, relationships, and sex lives.

Everyone has certain needs and so there is definitely a positive and healthy place for getting our needs met. The flip side can be when someone comes along and asks you to give more of yourself than you really want - which doesn’t feel good at all. So where is the balance and how can we get our own needs met without accidentally dumping too much on those around us? In this episode we will discuss neediness, what’s okay and what is not, but we will also take a deep dive into things you do right now to take some pressure off yourself, to not come across as being needy or clingy, and at the same time become attractive to where people are coming to you!

We explore some best practices for Masturbation and Self Love. We talk about the health benefits, ways to become more comfortable with masturbating, and we suggest new things for you to try! Set time aside, experiment with touch and sensation, practice new techniques and try one of the toys we suggest. Fantasize, edge, tease, and get yourself off! Masturbation is good for your body, your mind, your health, and it feels great too!

When is the right time to tell someone that you love them? Some people say it early on and it feels easy for them to say. Others, like Brandie and Steven, hold on to it for dear life because they don’t want to say it until they are really, really, really sure! Also, how do you respond when someone says it to you before you may be ready? Of all the bombs to drop on someone, saying “I love you” can be one of the biggest. Luckily Brandie, Eva, and Kimberly have all the answers.

Not everyone likes walking up and directly approaching someone who they are interested in. Many of us prefer a more subtle and potentially safer “indirect” approach to flirting. One where we don’t come across as potentially pushy, but that feels more natural, comfortable, and flows easily. Indirect flirting methods can be easy to start and let you both find out if this is something you want to pursue further.

Why do some people act super affectionate at first and then suddenly ghost on us? Why do we develop a crush on someone only to later find it evaporates overnight? Sexual and romantic desire is rather fickle and always changing, but we can learn to go with the flow in a way that both protects ourselves and is kind to others.

A listener writes in asking how to navigate situations where someone isn't really into them but likes to flirt nevertheless? Also asking why people behave this way? So we deep dive into flirting mixed signals, how they may be interpreted, what they may mean, and why someone may choose to do this. Plus we cover how to work through this with the other person so the intentions are clear and understood by all.

Ever had someone overstep your boundaries and felt the pressure because of it? Ever not taken care of yourself as well as you know you should? Eva gives us suggestions for establishing healthy boundaries to help keep us in the sweet, happy spot of life.

Podcast Episode #41 - Sexual Tension - Creating It, Using It, and Enjoying It! We discuss ideas for supercharging your bedroom experiences in ways many people never think of. Once you get this way of thinking, you will always hold your partner's attention sexually! And if someone does this for you, you will be happy, grateful, and wanting more of them!

Say the wrong thing when you try sexting and you could crash and burn! Saying the right thing at the right time takes skill. We cover getting started, how to recover if you mess up, how to amp up the sexual tension, and how to take it to that happy place!