Everyday NLP Bites

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

In this last podcast of Season 5 I look at comparisons. Comparisons, especially unclear ones, take us down a blind alley. Whether it is willing ourselves to do something ‘better’ or someone else telling us to - how do we know we have got there or measure our achievement ? The end result is often disappointment and blame. What would happen if we stopped doing this to ourselves or others ? By being claer what we are comparing with we can measure and celebrate success.

In the NLP Meta Model these are referred to as Comparative Deletions – watch or listen to find out more !

“Winners compare their achievements with their goals.” Nido Qubein

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“ʺThey are all the same!ʺ Is the cruelest
gallows humankind ever built.” ― Lamine Pearlheart, Author

How often to we talk about groups of people with the implication that they are all the same and think the same ?  ‘They’ ‘The government’ ‘Management’ ‘ the Council’ or more vaguely still ‘some people’. 

In the NLP Meta Model these are referred to as an Unspecified Referential Index.

They are commonplace ways of speaking ,but what’s the effect on the point we want to make, our credibility or even the impact on our own thinking? How more effective or happier might we be by being clear who we are referring to?

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“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin, Actor

Being specific can be exhausting in conversation ….and yet without it there possibilities of misunderstanding are huge! What more could we learn if we asked more questions of others, or noticed when we aren’t being clear?

In NLP Meta model these are referred to as Unspecified Verbs and Simple Deletions

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“Vague expression permits the hearer to imagine whatever suits him and what he already thinks in any case.”

Theodor Adorno German sociologist, philosopher and musicologist

In this podcast my focus is on ‘fat’ words – words which potentially contain different meanings to different people and as a result can lead to misunderstandings. They require us to ask more questions to really understand what some one is saying….and yet you have to notice them first. E.g. you might ask me what I mean by ‘misunderstandings’ !!!

In the NLP Meta Model these are referred to as Nominalisations.

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“Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.” Richard Bach Spiritual Writer

In this podcast I look our self-imposed rules, when we say we must or mustn’t  do something,  or that we can or can’t. Often we  say these things without considering if they are true……….and I wonder what would happen if we did question them ? And of course we also pass these 'rules' onto others too !

In the NLP Meta Model these are referred to as Modal Operators of Possibility or Necessity.

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“Science, like art, religion, commerce, warfare, and even sleep, is based on presuppositions.”

– Brené Brown

This week’s language pattern is when we blame other people or situations for how we feel or what happens to us. 

In NLP Meta Model this is called  Cause and Effect. When we make other people responsible we abdicate our own responsibility and hence control. Does it have to be this way?

Want to find out more about personal effectiveness and NLP ? 

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.”
― Isaac Asimov!

This week’s language pattern is when opinions are expressed as if they are a fact. 

Referred to in the Meta Model as a ‘Lost Performative’ i.e. what is lost is whose opinion is being expressed. 

We are surrounded by other people….and ourselves of course, expressing an opinion without owning it or acknowledging even, that it is ONLY an opinion ! How much more authentic and persuasive could we be if we did ?

Want to find out more about personal effectiveness and NLP ? My books are available on Amazon: 

'Words as I speak or write them, make a path on which I walk'. 

Diane Glancy

My guest in this podcast is Sue Knight, international trainer in NLP, author of ‘NLP At Work’ and with whom I completed my NLP trainer training. Sue talks about the power of modelling and specifically noticing and changing our language to achieve personal change and engage more effectively with others.

“In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.”
– Carol Dweck

My guest in this podcast is my friend and co-author, Eleni Sarantinou. Eleni’s talks about giving and receiving feedback, a practice at the core of her work and mine – and an essential ingredient as we co-wrote ‘Everyday NLP’ together. Eleni is also the author of ‘Perception Projection’.

You can find out more about Eleni on her website: www.life-spheres.com

Want to find out more about personal effectiveness and NLP ? My books are available on Amazon:

“I think that everything is possible as long as you put your mind to it and you put the work and time into it. I think your mind really controls everything. “

"Reality doesn't bite, rather our perception of reality bites."  Anthony J. D'Angelo

This episode’s conversation is with Ali Smith whom I first met when she did her NLP Practitioner training with me. Her focus is on helping her clients change their memories of trauma by changing the submodalities i.e. by changing how someone remembers an event, they change their feelings about it, enabling  them to move forward!

"The wise man doesn't give the right answers, he poses the right questions." Claude Levi-Strauss

In this episode I talk to my friend coach and co-trainer Richard Bisiker. He talks about the value of  Meta Model questions which he uses formally and informally to coach to help others.

‘Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.’ Arab Proverb.

In this first podcast of Season 4 trainer and coach Jackie Lawlor talks about ‘Clean Language’ and how she has used it in her personal life as well as in her coaching practice. Clean questions are questions that allow the responder to answer freely, without being influenced by the person asking the question. In fact she attributes her marriage to her husband Richard to asking the right questions!

"I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them."    - Oscar Wilde

Bibian McRoy is a Human Resources Consultant, Coach and Mediator who in her previous roles was a client of mine for nearly a decade and who is now a friend and associate. The standout topic in NLP for her is Anchoring positive states and specifically the lovely process of creating a ‘Circle of Excellence’ that you can call on any time …anywhere !

You can find out more about Bibian on her website:

"The moment you change your perception, is the moment you rewrite the chemistry of your body."  – Dr. Bruce H. Lipton

Maureen is Head of Talent and Resource at Baxi Heating (UK) Ltd whom I have had the privilege of working with now for a number of years.  She is also one the editors of my book 'The Intention Impact Conundrum'  for which I am ever grateful ! In this podcast Maureen reflects on the impact the ‘Perceptual Positions’ process had on her. This process enables us to step out of our own shoes and into those of other people in order to gain new perspectives on a situation – the act of doing this can create huge shifts in how we approach such situations going forward.

Want to find out more about personal effectiveness and NLP ? My books are available on Amazon:

“By becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.” ― Dale Carnegie

"Man is what he believes." ~ Anton Chekhov

Mike is a songwriter, performer and coach, and he discusses the Logical Levels of Behaviour model that he first saw when on a Coaching course with me some years ago. He attributes his career now as a coach to that model, (also referred to as the Neurological Levels), and specifically how seeing the link between our beliefs and our behaviour was transformational for him.

”The body never lies.”   Martha Graham

Claire who is also the ‘Outdoor coach’ podcaster talks about becoming  aware of the mind /body link, and also how environment impacts on our mindset and behaviour.

Claire is also co-training with me this year on my Advanced Coaching for Executive Coaches course

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. - David Brinkley

In this podcast Jim recalls an unplanned demonstration of the NLP Pillars of success when we did a course together. When I failed to explain Meta Model (language patterns)…. I was forced (by Jim) to find another way….I did…..and my ‘yellow brick road’ was born…..I will always be grateful !

We have patterns and habits in the way we live our lives .... but in how we remember things too ? Oh yes.........and can easily discount 'evidence' that doesn't fit the pattern. William Somerset Maugham said "If you do not change your beliefs you life will be like this forever - is that good news ?"  If it isn't this podcast is for you !

This podcast looks at the Pre-suppositions of NLP which is that:

• 'Experience Has A Structure Which Can Be Changed'
  

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Can simply imagining ourselves doing something well really make it happen that way ? Science says YES ! Visualization of the outcomes we want to achieve prepares the mind and body to perform in that way. We often imagine how things can go wrong...how about imagining them going right....and what difference could that make ?

This podcast looks at the Pre-suppositions of NLP which is that:

•  'Memory And Imagination Are Wired On The Same Circuits'
  

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It is easy to think we have been clear in what we have said , or because we have said nothing we haven't communicated in some way. But that is naive thinking, everything we say, how we say it and indeed what we don't say communicates something. Accepting that is the start of really getting our message across ....

This podcast looks at the Pre-suppositions of NLP which is that:

• The Meaning of the Communication is the Message Understood
  

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Failure is an emotive word and failing usually hurts........and yet without risking failure we wouldn't start anything, or we wouldn't carry on if we didn't succeed first time around. So this Pre-supposition of NLP: There is no failure only feedback is all about how we 're frame'  failure to see it as a stepping stone to success and a chance to learn.

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What can other people's behaviour tell us about our own - good or bad ? Are we really seeing our own behaviour reflected in others.... Shakespeare thought so and Carl Jung identified this as 'psychological projection'. And knowing this how does this help in our relationships with others ?

This podcast looks at 2 Pre-suppositions of NLP which are very close:

• Structures we see in others mirrors structures in ourselves 
• Perception is projection

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Do you ever wonder what someone was thinking when they said or did something that you regarded as a mistake ? Have you ever got angry with the person ? Have you ever got angry with yourself for a decision that turned out to be flawed ? Where has that anger  got you ? if the answer is 'nowhere' then this pre-suppposition of NLP is for you !

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The pre-supposition of NLP that 'Behind every action is an (unconscious) positive intention' can be tough to take on board at first glance.  Yet it can really help us manage our own reactions to other people's behaviour that may be challenging us in some way. It holds a lot of 'goodies' for us and our peace of mind as we look into it further !

Want to find out more about personal effectiveness and NLP ? My books are available on Amazon:

In this season of podcasts I explore the 'Pre-Suppositions of NLP' , sometimes known as resourceful beliefs, what they are and how taking these beliefs/attitudes on board can help us achieve the results we want for ourselves or in our dealings with others.  Often our progress is held back by holding limiting beliefs about ourselves and others...and when we change our beliefs we change our world and how we feel in it.

In this first Episode I explore 2 of them:

Everyone has a different map of the world  AND

The map is not the territory

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To many the thought of receiving feedback from others or indeed giving feedback to others seems like a daunting prospect. Yet giving feedback effectively to others is both a way to boost the confidence and performance of others and strengthening the relationship. Being willing to receive feedback can have the same effect for us. The key is how !

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The feeling that you have the resources to cope in any situation is both powerful and liberating. This episode is based on the NLP Pre-Supposition: 'We All Have All The Resources We Need' I look at discovering the resources that we have in us and around us and how to start realizing these resources.

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Richard Bandler one of the co-creators of NLP reflected that people  or events often were the cause of us feeling good; and he thought the trick was to feel good for no reason at all - and to be in control of that process. Anchors are people/things that create an emotion, they are both naturally occurring and can be set deliberately to keep us in a resourceful or desirable state.

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It is often assumed that the person doing the most talking is having the greatest influence. This is not necessarily the case and indeed we can influence, perhaps more powerfully, by really paying attention to another person, and allowing them the space to think for themselves. When we pay attention to others in this way - may they not be more inclined to listen when we speak ?

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Personal flexibility is a powerful way to help us achieve the outcomes that we want and adapt to changing circumstances around us. This episode looks at what more we can achieve by being willing to be flexible in our approach and is based on the NLP Pre-Supposition: 'The Person With the Most Flexibility Has the Greatest Influence'

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There was a saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me' - and of course that is not true ! Language has the power to affect our mood and motivation quite considerably - either our own words we use about and to ourselves, or what we hear from others. We can help ourselves and others by paying attention to the language we use.

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Exploring the power of putting yourself at 'cause' and not expecting other people to make things right for us:

- Knowing the outcome you want and taking responsibility to achieve it

- Recognizing that  what we see in others'  behaviour is probably a reflection of our own behaviour

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What NLP is all about and how it can help us to be the best version of ourselves:

- How and why we experience the world in our own unique way

- Becoming aware of what gets in the way of our personal effectiveness and harmonious relationships with others

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Coming soon.... on 11th April my first season of podcasts explaining what NLP is and how it can help us to be more effective in our everyday life and work.... join me then !

In the meantime my books are available on Amazon: