Exposing Isolation
By Rebecca E. Webber
Exposing IsolationJan 21, 2020
Endings and New Beginings
I've graduated from therapy with Liz and am starting Animist Minister training today. What a great time it is!
LOVE LOVE LOVE
Big pink bubbly wonderful shroom trip!
Turning In
Why is this so difficult? TW: Emotional Abuse/Depression
The Next Era of My Life
This past week has been FULL of love and socializing. It was a real reset for me and I am happy to be exploring this next phase in my growth.
Breakthrough Over Pho
This episode is about having lunch with my mom and step dad and learning some very healing truths. They were also super supportive of my new diagnosis and everything I'm doing with my life right now.
Trip Notes on Our 10 Year Meet-iversary
These are my end of trip thoughts from February 15, 2023. Definitely my most significant insights and shift so far. This also happened to be the 10 year anniversary of Thomas and I meeting.
Embracing All of Me
Thoughts on what it means to be me. Deep yet uplifting episode. I like where this is headed. Take care of yourself.
The "Too Much Shrooms" Trip of 2023
Please note any and all trigger warnings before listening to this. This was deep, heavy and sad. Please take care of yourself. Know that I am doing well.
If I Could, I'd Be There
Today's episode is about my relationship with disaster and my nervous system dysfunction that keeps me from being able to do the work I feel called to do. Thank you for listening.
Ukraine, Climate Change and LGBTQIA+ Rights
Today I woke up in a mood after yet another rough night of intense dreams to then found out that not online is Russia actively attacking Ukraine but that Florida is passing a law to restrict students from accessing sex and gender information. Great day today all around. I also threw in a ted talk about climate change just to really get my blood boiling. Does this mean I'm finally going to start having a public opinion? Time will tell.
Applying for Work?
Will I be able to do this?!
New Directions
Today I talk about taking a break from service, wanting to get into product and noticing the limits I still have while exploring what is possible. I'm leaning towards writing articles, product recommendations and working on my cookbook.
Self Sabotage
Today's episode is about a breakthrough I'm having. I am noticing that the "break" I'm trying to take at the end of the day involving weed, sometimes alcohol, YouTube videos and snacks is really just setting me up for chaos the next day. I don't feel great, the house is a mess and I just start the cycle all over again to want another "break" again. Instead of denouncing this as just bad, I try to look at what it's giving me. The insight I found is that it is protecting me from making progress, or having the time and space to make progress on the big questions like who I am, what my purpose is and how I want to spend my life.
Accepting Feelings of Loss, Grief and Disappointment
This morning I attended another day of Weaving Well Through Illness, a series put on by my teacher Quynn Red Mountain for a small group of us that are living with different, often chronic, health conditions. In today's circle we talked about grief and resentment as well as loss, disappointment and sadness associated with our experiences. I felt inspired to share with you a time where I experienced all of this as a way to help me continue to grieve and process through these challenging emotions.
If you'd like to learn more about Web of Life Animist Church and Quynn Red Mountain's ministry you can visit weboflifeanimists.com.
Settling In and Getting to Work
Today's episode is mostly an overview of where I am at, my current goals and mindset and well as a bit of backstory on how I got here. A longer episode than usual, I just really wanted to voice some of the changes I am experiencing in order to feel a bit more grounded in my decisions.
The Truth Comes Out | My First Hypnotherapy Session
Today I had the chance to try hypnotherapy for the first time. My facilitator was my new friend Kyle Ross and he led me through a deep dive into my subconscious where I relearned old lessons from a new perspective. Our goal was to explore what is holding me back from being my full self, speaking my mind and being the leader I truly want to be. In all that I also got the strong truth that my inner authentic self REALLY REALLY wants to spend more time outside doing magic. According to my 4 year old self magic in the woods is the "best thing ever" and as a free and well resourced adult I should be doing it all the time. This fits very nicely into me being given the opportunity to lead the Greater Seattle Witches Group just yesterday. I think my goals to be a community leader and a magical person are coming together in ways I don't think I could have possibly imagined, but totally love. Happy full moon everyone, magic is in the air!
To connect with Kyle for Hypnotherapy and NLP sessions visit www.yourownuniverse.co.uk
The Time My Body Shut Down
10 years ago my body shut down for the first time. 4 years later it would shut down again leaving me disabled, but this time I really had no idea what was going on or what to do about it. I thought I could just keep pushing through. This is that story.
TW - I talk a bit about mental illness and disordered eating in this episode.
Doubt & Confusion
Just a down day.
The New and the Old
Hello Humans! This episode is kind of all over the place, but it helped me process some of what I am thinking on this new moon. I'm kind of in transition between getting really excited about new ventures and connections while also being nervous about what will happen with old connections, mainly my family. I just want to stay motivated and feel good but there is still plenty of shadow to tend.
Getting Back at It | Much Belated Update
Hello Humans! Rebecca here again. I am working on a "Starting Shadow Work" 4-week course and part of the curriculum will be finding a journaling option that works best for you. I haven't recorded an episode of Exposing Isolation for many months, but I always found them cathartic and would encourage others to give diary podcasting a try too if they are so inclined. I am going to try and do these more often again for my own mental health and to let my audience get to know me a little better. Thank you for listening.
Join My FB Group - Center for Sapient Living
TW: Suicide Attempt (Not Mine)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish.
800-273-8255
Developments in the Right Direction
This week I talk about being on an SSRI, continuing to work on finding a new home, developing the systems to make Sapient Living a success and the latest Parts Work session with Thomas.
Finding Help
This morning I met with a new therapist, this time one who is clearly trauma informed. It was a wholly new experience and I look forward to working more with her in the future. Also, Happy Inauguration Day!!
Seeking Balance and Progress
In today's episode I document what it feels like to be at the beginning of a depressive episode. It might be productive, but it isn't very pleasant.
What's Next?
In today's episode I give an update on priorities, projects and just where I am at right now. I want to focus on my health, but I also need to start making money or at least help Thomas make more so that we can have a home of our own one day.
Update from Mania
In this episode I talk a bit about what I am coming to learn to be a manic phase. I also update a bit about my new doctor and what went wrong when I went on a supplement that I didn't need.
Episode Brought By - BeScentFree.com
New Year New Care
Today I talk about meeting with my new naturopathic doctor for the first time and really loving it.
TW - Suicidal Ideation
This is a pretty heavy, but also just informative episode about my struggle with suicidal ideation and how I have a new therapist who asks every session about it. In the past, it wasn't asked and I didn't tell people. Now I know that it is a common symptom of a few of my conditions.
Episode Brought By - BeScentFree.com
Meeting Anthea
On today's episode I talk about meeting my new therapist and how I am feeling about all the changes afoot.
Missing Liz
Until yesterday, Liz was my therapist. She went into labor really early, cutting off our sessions weeks before we expected. I talked to her every week for the past 16 months and she's really been my rock. We didn't get the chance to wrap anything up, nothing to keeping me going into the future. So, I'm left feeling grateful for her help, concerned about her wellbeing and in essence lost for what to do to feel better. Time, I guess.
But Not Great
For sake of science, I thought it was important to note how I am feeling some hours after waking up today. Still mentally better than usual, but physically I'm really starting to go through it. Delayed reaction is even weirder than immediately getting triggered.
Sponsored by Tending Trauma and BeScentFree.com
Better Than Expected
Today I am pleased with my stable mood. I had a filling replaced yesterday and while the results seem okay, the woman who installed the new one was very scented. On top of that they filling somehow didn't address my entire issue with the tooth. My optimism today is that even though I was exposed and stressed, I don't feel as bad today as I would have going through similar experiences in the past. Mostly just sore and weak, but mentally stable. Yay progress!
Sponsored by Tending Trauma and BeScentFree.com
Feelin' Glowy
Today I feel really good. Like REALLY good and there are a bunch of reasons why. In this episode I share some of my thoughts and generally just give an upbeat update which is super rare for me. Cheers!
Sponsored by Tending Trauma and BeScentFree.com
Thanksgiving Eve
Post-therapy pre-Thanksgiving musings.
Challenging Myself to Make Progress
This week I went to look at a house for sale and mostly just ended up learning what I don't want, but enjoyed the drive with Thomas. I don't think I did a very good job explaining what I am trying next, but that's just as well because I can't say I really know. Things aren't necessarily looking up but I am choosing to believe something will work.
Another Bad Day
What else can I say?
Remorse, Regret and Indecision
I was up a lot in the night essentially learning more about myself and not really liking what I saw. Today I begin to get to the bottom of why I focus so much on the bad and can't seem to find the good that often. I know I can change my mindset once I identify what is happening that doesn't serve me.
#Sponsor - Brought to You By the Tending Trauma Podcast
Experiencing Dissociative Shutdowns
In this episode I talk more about my current mental state and how I keep being triggered into "dissociative shutdowns", which in the episode I simply refer to as going unconscious for short amounts of time. This is possibly linked to a "freeze" style fear response, but could be something else. We are trying to keep me safe and protected!
More about "dissociative shutdowns" from psychotherapynetworker.org.
Brought to You By - BeScentFree.com and Thomas F. Webber Coaching
Struggling (But Determined) to Be My "Self"
Today I am in a new mindset, a new perspective. I want to know what would happen if I put more energy into being my authentic self and less energy into finding my place in the existing systems available to me. It isn't always fun and rarely easy to be me and I think that avoiding doing so has been quite appealing up until now. I'm glad to have support in this.
Brought to You By - BeScentFree.com and Thomas F. Webber Coaching
I'm Shutting Down and it Could be a Good Sign
Today I am shutting down because I am safe. This is a common phenomenon for me and can be a good sign if the safety lasts, but I still down know why it happens exactly or I should say, I don't totally understand the science. I'll keep you posted.
Brought to You By - BeScentFree.com and Thomas F. Webber Coaching
Politics, Personal Pain and Promise
On today's episode I discuss where the nation is at after Joe Biden and Kamala Harris' win on Saturday as well as update y'all on the current state of my mental health. Everything feels raw, but promising and that is a lot better than not.
Brought to You By - BeScentFree.com and Thomas F. Webber Coaching
What Can Be Done About CPTSD?
On today's episode I discuss the start of my commitment to finding a sensible treatment plan for CPTSD. My husband Thomas is working alongside me on this one. He is working from a clinical perspective and I am working from a socio-cultural perspective. We both have CPTSD and struggle to be people because of it.
Full Moon Halloween
Am I the Only One Panicking?
So currently when I stop and think about my life I start to panic. Sometimes I would describe it as terror. Anyone else experiencing this? Today I go over my story a bit and confess where I'm at. RebeccaEWebber@gmail.com
With Love
I felt the need to record a follow up from last week's episode. Things are developing and I feel so much love, it's worth documenting!
Ouch, But Okay
Today was already such a doozy I couldn't not make an episode. Mostly I'm talking housing struggles and being real with my family about my pain. Thank you to the Youper App for getting me through my fear.
Finally An Answer! PMDD
Yesterday after a bit of research I learned that I have nearly all the symptoms of PMDD! Not that it's good to have PMDD, I'm excited because it's an answer and something I can work to treat. It's a good day.
I Know I'm Not The Only Lonely One But...
Here I go again being overly insightful while still not knowing what to do. The joys of mental and physical illness that has no answers and an insufficient support system. I feel like a brilliant cave hag with no power.
Reflections After Inner Child Work
Hello Humans! This morning Thomas was generous with his time and facilitated a very long (100 min) parts work session for me so that I might reconnect with my exiled younger self, namely the 4 year old. It was one of the more transformative therapeutic experiences I've had thus far!
To watch the full session - Parts Work by Thomas F. Webber | Inner Child Reintegration
To connect with Thomas for coaching - ThomasFWebber.com
To leave a donation - paypal.me/sapientliving
My Challenging History [Part 2]
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