The Fifty Ton Podcast

Before The Fifty Ton Podcast, Steve had a barber show called Shop Talk with Steve Ferreira where he made the mistake of having me on as a guest. This episode from April of 2020 is like 2 hours long and we cover a lot of ground, maybe too much. I say that it was unfortunate for Steve to have me as a guest, not because I was a horrible guest but because I was such a good guest, and our conversation was so great, that he couldn't get the episode out of his head and begged me to create a new podcast from those ashes of that phoenix (or however that is supposed to go). As R. Buckminster Fuller once stated "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." That's what happened when Steve and I conversed on tape, it's the new model.

I wanted to share this very fortunate and historical turn of events with you, our loyal audience, but I didn't want you to slog through the entire two hours so I gave it the Fifty Ton treatment. I took the two hours and spindled them down to 53 minutes.

If you decide you want that full 2 hour experience, you can get it here https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shop-talk-with-steve-ferreira/id1511218061 or if you're just curious how much cutting I do in a typical 50 Ton episode (It's over 2 hours cut to 1) that'll give you an idea of what it is like beforehand.

We are still very much in Hiatus mode, we will be back and I will promise another episode by the end of the year where we will announce our Season two plans.

In the meantime, enjoy your festivities or remembrances this weekend and take the time to appreciate everything you have.

Cheers!

While we all enjoying the intermission, Steve and I pop in to wish you all a nice Halloween, debate the direction of the show and what the best fat is for cooking corn bread.

Bone - App - A - Teet

Thank you all for joining us on this wild ride. One full year, 52 episodes. We toured a pandemic, a national uprising, islands of fuck boys and explored the insides and outsides of our collective heads.

A sincere thank you to the fans! We appreciate all of the virtual fan mail and dick pics you sent in, the eternal praise and mostly your open pocketbooks for this free product. Keep sending those checks! 

Finally, a special, huge thank to Hungry Erin, a girl who provided our show music for the season and has supported, and collaborated with Steve and I for all of our adult lives, we hope to have you on the show someday! (Or at least hang out when the border finally re-opens. O' Canada!)

CHEERS!

Steve reveals the details of his dream vacation, we both agree that the French and English are idiots when it comes to warfare, I make some completely unfounded claims about human sacrifice in relation to the prison industrial complex and everyone has a good time throughout.

In the deleted conversations, Steve and I had a long discussion about how to identify a good male as a suitor. When this episode hits 50,000 plays, I will release that tape.

Enjoy your lunch.

For our big 50th episode, we conducted our first guest interview. Celebrity barber @DGCuts from Mansfield's Rectify Barbershop and Beauty Alcove joins us and is treated to the Fifty Ton red carpet and after party of great times.

A perfect guest, a delightful interview, a real hour of growth for all involved, and anyone who listens to this episode will certainly come out of the experience happier, wealthier and better looking. 

Check out DG at @DGCuts on instagram or all of her links at http://linktr.ee/DGCuts

I'm writing the description for this one because I'm late posting and I'm not going to burden Steve with last minute work. Friends don't do that to one another.

Barber Expos, Fake Butts, Sports Memorabilia being sold by piece of shit womanizers, Spree Shootings, the Trades and other light subjects are discussed.

Is Ed really an F-Boy?  Not really but the name for the episode popped into my head this morning and I'm rocking with it.  I wanted to name the show F(ifty Ton) Boy Island but it just doesn't hit as well.  If the F was for film, then yes, Ed is an F-Boy.  A real Film Boy.  A Film Buff.  Actually I just changed the title from Ed Boy Island to Film Boy Island.  Look at me and how creative & witty I am.  Good bye.

Steve starts the show with this question: is this a filler episode or do we try to talk about something completely different for once? 

Spoiler alert: All podcasts are filler episodes. We're all just trying to find stuff to talk about in between two great episodes, every episode. 

Steve missed getting this one posted this morning. It's not his fault though, he's a differently-abled, height challenged individual. To be fair, his laptop was probably across the room and his people (short people) have reduced strides which don't enable them to move as quickly as my people (tall people). Where he would have needed to take 30 steps to my 4, I'm stepping in (in a big way obviously) to get this episode posted.

In this episode, I let Steve rant about "tall privilege" and shock him with my interest in the Twilight film series. Plus, recreational psychedelic chatter and other chart topping discussions.

This summer feels like the entire roaring 20s jammed into 8 weeks.  Billionaires are going to space, Ed's whipping around the city in flip flops, and I should really stay in for a week and let my brain have a breather.  The only thing that can save humanity at this point is the cool crisp fall air and changing of the foliage.  If we can't get down to a nice 62 and sunny by the end of August I'm not sure that America will make it to Thanksgiving.  While we may think that we need rocket ships and Hampton beach but what we really need is apple crisp and hoodie weather.  Well hopefully if you're reading this in the future you had a nice apple cider donut and then reevaluated your life.  But then Halloween parties happened and we all exploded.  The End.  

From individual self destruction to the collapse of the American system. Boredom will lead to our demise if we can't distract ourselves or think of anything positive to do with our abundance of time.

This week's episode cures what ails us all. (For 57 minutes at least.)

Better late than dead is what living people who are never punctual say when they're predictably 45 minutes late to a meeting they scheduled to discuss their time management issues. Or maybe I'm confusing that idiom, maybe it's what cowboys say when their six shooter accidentally discharges and the horse catches one right between the eyes and they have to walk to the saloon through the desert with a field dressed old pal on their shoulder. However the saying goes, I'm (Ed) late getting this guy uploaded, you can blame Riverside FM for the audio issues that delayed the edit or you can blame me for putting it off until Monday night to get it done or you can blame yourself for not having enough of that virtuous quality we call patience. Be like the title says and do what you want.

This episode is great. We discuss American freedom in all it's attributes and reveal the secrets how you can completely detach from our society without getting tangled up in all our laws. 

Enjoy!

Are you searching for something but don't know what?  Tired of chasing around numbers like 222 and 777 all day in your quest to become a full person?  Is your daily horoscope not cutting it anymore?  Are the magical crystals not shining as bright as they used to?  Well this podcast isn't going to help.  TBH this episode doesn't even have anything to do with that shit except that Ed hates anything magical so it's a good tie in.  He drank 5 margaritas and yelled at my for taking fish oil.  I haven't even listened to the show yet so who knows if it that part made it in.  I was trying to write this description like a 900 number ad but I ran out of steam and have to leave in a few mins.  I have things to do to you know.  I don't just sit around all day waiting for the perfect description to materialize out of thin air.  

Welcome to the big house.

Tune in this week to hear 50 tons of secrets get lifted off of Ed's chest like a weight bar made of hedonism.  Not for the faint of heart, this week's show takes a deep dive into the psyche of a man who is a sworn Atheist but carries the burdens of a thousand Catholic priests.  It took 40 weeks to come this far, but Ed finally comes clean about his love of.... The Beach Boys?  Yeah I didn't see that one coming either.  

Join us for a protein packed edition of the Fifty Ton Podcast!  This week we get lean & mean with topics that should have been covered two years ago like Bob Kraft going to a massage parlor for some Kraft services if you know what I'm sayin.  I can't decide if the show comes out better when I write an outline or not.  Part of me likes how this show is pretty much freestyle jazz but the other part of me is like what am I doing?  Who knows, it's all in the edits anyway.  Bon appetit!    

Ed's fresh back from living it up in the Golden State of California after a week of driving for hours at a time and eating the reproductive organs of sea creatures.  A glutton for punishment, he also enjoyed careening down a completely dangerous path to get sand blasted at a beach too cold to swim at.  Tune in to hear all of his vacations highlights!  

Steve is back from Mexico with a brand new outlook on life. 

From pimps, to simps, to sugar daddies to sugar babies to babies, from the beaches of Tulum, to the farm brewery covered hills of the mid-Atlantic region, this episode is a real brothel of conversation.

 This episode covers everything from tragedy, to bloodweisers, to grandmothers to tacos. 

The grandmother at the end of Ron Howard's smash hit 1989 film Parenthood rambles on about how roller coasters are exciting but they're not for everyone and Steve Martin's character can't decide if he's up for it or if rollercoasters make him sick. I like to pretend that life is more like Mr Toad from Wind in the WIllows and like him, you can get high on the gasoline and rip up the streets until they throw you in the jail you'll inevitably break free from just to tear up the streets again in a fashion so marvelous that Walt Disney builds a ride for children based on your madness.

Steve has likely landed back in Boston. This episode was recorded on 4/15 so it's really like a journey back in time to the way things were a week and a half ago and such.

I'm not going to enjoy giving up the reigns to writing the show notes. I sampled What About Bob? in this episode. Because fuck it. We can do whatever we want, whenever we want and however we want for as long as we want and that's just the way it's going to be.

"Living La Vida Loca" - Ricky Martin

"Oh, just one more thing" - Columbo

"Get on with it!" - Monty Python

Left Behind: The Movie is a film starring Kirk Cameron (starring might be a bad descriptor here) that sucks shit, about people that god didn't rapture for whatever reason. You don't have to watch it, you can if you want to. Steve is currently on a flight to an undisclosed location called Tulum, Mexico. For those of you fans who remember, this is the trip Steve had encouraged me to join him on to celebrate our 40th years on planet Earth. Me being a total jackass, I turned the trip down and that's why I'm here filling out this Episode Description Form from my Baltimore Penthouse.

What is this episode about? I think if I remember from editing it, I laugh at the misfortune of some cherished artists who've passed away (RIP) and shit on some indisputably perfect music, both to Steve's horror and so in return, I won't be sharing cocktails with him at the outdoor bar at the Cancun Airport. Enjoy the trip Birthday Boy! 

This week's show is a dub step mash up of musical bangers from the Pigtown Philharmonic Marching Band and the Malden Fire Junk Yard Gang.  Man these two bands jam on it like Newcleus while our two symphony orchestrators cover topics from WAP to when couples match.  If you enjoy the show as it normally sounds you're gonna love this week's enhanced audio features.  So kick back and relax to this audio journey and let your mind move to the sounds of two grown men arguing over female rap songs.  

Last week I put on Scarface's classic album The Fix and the shop went crazy, absolute bonkers.  Muy classico.  This week I'm gonna play some Masta Ace to mix it up.  One of the most important things to control in life is who gets access to Sonos and who doesn't.  You let someone put on The Weeknd once and next thing you know you're listening to Bieber every day at work and whatever other bullshit someone who doesn't actually like music thinks they want to listen to.

You know what's a trash genre of music?  White guy reggae.  I mean, what do I even need to say here?  Fuck off, mon.  

Well, what?  You didn't come here to read my top 5 emcees list.  It's the 50 Ton Podcast, not the 50 Fun Podcast, you know how we roll.

This week's episode is all about music, and I want to send out a special dedication of "Love In An Elevator" by Aerosmith to my wife.  

We cover like 150 topics in an hour this week so it's somewhat challenging to write a description for the show.  Yeah anyway here it is.

Did you know Tango & Cash was actually a comedy?  I didn't realize that when we watched it.  When you look at it as a comedy it really makes sense.  Jokes on me.

Kickin it all the way live, no jive.  We take you on a funk ride.  So step inside while we glide to the other side.  The Far Side, but I'm not Gary.  I move that White like Barry, countin so much cash it's scary.  Pretty pretty good, call me Larry.  Show descriptions, I flip em, drop science and wisdom, facts I kick em.  So parlay while this funky beats hits em.

I just got back from visiting Ed down in the "City that Reads" Baltimore, MD.  We recorded 3 episodes last week so I can't even remember what we talked about on this one at this point.  I can vaguely remember getting into ASMR at some point and then I also try to Me Too Ed but it didn't really work.  Did you know we used to have a streetwear line that had a t-shirt with a graphic of a skeleton eating tacos?  

Did you know Ed's favorite movie is Show Girls starring Elizabeth Berkeley?  He owns the box set.  Also, he's off the wagon and slugged back another Mad Dog this week.  The speed at which he crushed that delicious (barf) fortified wine must have been a world record.  Real box car hobo hours on this side.  All he needs is a stick and a pillowcase to walk around with his stuff.  What is it about drinking cheap booze that fast?  You act like you got his by lightning. 

(there's actually some good content in this episode)

Ed answers the juiciest questions sent into online advice columns. Is he totally insensitive?  Right on the money?  Out of touch or right on the beat?   There's only one way to find out, and that's by listening to the whole show, subscribing, leaving a 5 star rating and giving us a glowing review.  

You wanna know what the problem Is with everything?  A real lack of dignity.  Yeah.... yup.  Everyone just goes for anything these days.  Where's the critical thought?  Someone's got a real BS idea that is obviously BS but worse for you?  Who cares!  Run with it.  Stand tall on that BS.  Ride it out til the death or until you completely alienate everyone around you.  Whatever.

Also, I'm going to Baltimore in February to record podcasts live and in person.  I have the antibodies so I can do that type of thing.  Yeah boyeeeeeeee!

Take a wild guess what we talk about this week?  You guessed it, the Masked Dancer!  

We also talk about all the nonsense at the capitol.

I've been stuck at home again for a week and my brain is 100% fried.   I didn't even realize it was Tuesday and then I overslept and was like oh yeah I need to get the podcast uploaded.  So then I check my email and didn't see it so I texted Ed podcast?? and then I realized that I was signed into the wrong email account.  So then, I download it, upload it whilst also listening to it and trying to write this stupid description.  I sat here for 10 mins and couldn't write but now I'm on my second cup of Joe and had a banana and some Sudafed and now it's all starting to make sense.

Well folks, this is it, the one you've been waiting for.... Ed drinks a whole bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 during the podcast.  Enjoy!

RIP MF DOOM

Big announcement!  The 50 Ton Podcast is coming to the silver screen in 2021.  Well not really but that's the first thing we talk about on the show and Ed made some snazzy episode artwork around the movie.  So anyway we had some real technical issues this time around so the pod hit the ol' inbox a little later than usual so this is all you're getting for a show description this week.  Does anyone actually read these?  I think I do a pretty good job on the show descriptions for the most part, but this week the literal show must go on... on our distribution platform so you can listen to it. How's that for a grammatically correct run on sentence?  Ok! Gotta run.  Enjoy the show and Happy New Year!  

Back up in the house with big dog episode 13 comin' atcha hot'n'heavy 50 Ton style bay-beeeeeeeeee.  That's right champ we made it to lucky 13 and we're rockin' and rollin' all over the place, kickin' ass and takin' names.  Who ever thought these two crazy guys would taking podcasting to heights never achieved before?  Babes, beers and broadcasts.  Hot enough for ya?  

This bad boys got everything you want: non alcoholic beer reviews, big bad d bag Trump talk, and we talk about some rappers who have been bad boys in real life.  

Wow big episode 12.  This is a real firecracker of an episode.  We covered around 4500 topics in the span of 60 mins.  I don't even really know what to write for a description this week.   This showed up in the ol inbox kinda late so I'm writing the description as I listen...  I dunno I'm tired right now.

Thanks for listening!

Get your chakra aligned this week as Ed & Steve learn about the magical powers of healing crystals!  

You could have landed your boat on the Cape and drank mudslides and went swimming and chasing tail all summer like the late great Anthony Bourdain (RIP) but instead you puttered around for months and ended up in fucking Plymouth!  Then you got everyone sick.  Way to go!!!!!

This episode is pretty sick and I'll tell you why: we didn't have anything to talk about.  Do you know how hard it is to come up with new material every week without getting repetitive?  Did you know Ed loves sperm whales?  Loooooooooves them.  Ya know, you kind of talk about the same thing all the time and then it eventually morphs into new topics.  This is a metaphor for life.  Whatever, Thanksgiving is #1.

(BTW this is big episode #10, thanks for listening)

This week the guys take a deep dive into the wild world of conspiracy theories.  Other not so main stream conspiracies are exposed such as fake craft beers and presidential hairpieces.  Tune in today to get the information they don't want you to have!

This week Ed & Steve answer the burning questions people write into advice columns...

So we record on Tuesday nights and then Ed Fifty takes a million years to edit the show so they come out a week later.  Which means that this show was recorded one week prior to the 2016 Presidential Election.  Not sure if "Presidential Election" needs to be capitalized but it's a real event this year.  Did you know that cities are boarding up again and businesses are closing for the next 2 days in preparation for riots?  I mean WTF type of shit is this?  It really speaks to the level of trash that is our current president.  If it was Biden vs literally (almost) anyone else people wouldn't be potentially rioting after the election.... yeah I got nothing.

Also if you haven't figured it out by now this is Steve writing the descriptions.  Ed likes to talk a lot of trash and be disruptive on the show but this is the place where he gets his just desserts.  You think that guy will ever let me tell a story without tangenting me about obese people?  I almost got Covid and he wants to talk about literally anything else.  Never thought I'd be doing a show where I would have to be the more mature adult who doesn't drink his way through entire episodes.  I guess that's why I write the descriptions.

Fuck Trump!

Join Ed & Steve this week as they take a deep dive into pop culture.  Plastic surgery, toupees, steroids, Zoomin' Toobin, Taylor Swift, OJ Simpson, Joe Rogan, Gumby, more Zoomin Toobin.... We break down Instagram's top 10 users, pop music and the Toobin scandal.  Ed loves talking about Jeff Toobin.  Like he just can't stop and he can't tell any of the Kardashians apart.   We love celebrities!

Ed loves candy and Halloween, Steve does not.  This episode is brought to you by whiskey.