The Focused Weeks Podcast

Mood: Self-aware

Context: Recently concluded festivals in the city and being on stage again

Recently, our city celebrated an annual festival (a fiesta, for those who know) that includes pageants and things. I attended and did a sort of legacy walk on stage on behalf of my batch in 2011, as they were all not available!

Two things, I love that I got to share this moment with my cousin and I love that I got to socialize a little bit during this time. Being an online freelancer now, I think I can count with my hands the times I go out of the house each month. And that’s not to say I’m proud of it or shameful about it. It just is.

Another thing, I found myself grappling with my ego yet again. I tell myself this isn’t such a big thing. Being on TV to a citywide audience isn’t something I necessarily achieved (although I did achieve something in the past). And yes, it boosts the ego and the increase in activities in my Facebook notifications does make it feel like I am onto something.

But what we must not forget here is that I have done and continue doing the work of becoming mentally, and emotionally resilient through personal development for the past 12 years! And I feel like that is something that is of noteworthy accomplishment! Even more than winning pageants, I would dare say.

When you become more self-aware in honing your personal mindset and beliefs, you understand what it truly takes to step away from shiny things just because they shine, and actually shine because you are a queen in your own right! Because you’ve done the work in yourself to be someone who isn’t just in it “to win it” but in it to share it.

To share your success with others requires more than just ego. It requires humility and wisdom that isn’t simply learned in school or in a classroom or course curriculum setting. You learn it sometimes the hard way, but you learn it nevertheless from experience.

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Here in the spot again where I am bombarded with so many ideas. Hahah.

And I already have a Notion database full of tasks that aren’t even done yet. Not to mention, work stuff.

But I digress.

I’m here to bring clarity to the table.

Oh, clarity. What an awesome idea you are. Hahah.

And it seems like I am getting to know you more and more each day. The more I read and learn about the successful people I follow every day, the more I realize that I’m not supposed to figure out everything right away. I’m just supposed to follow the nudges and the niggles.

What if right now there are so many nudges and niggles poking around in your head?

The answer is to tackle them one at a time. And for each task, ask yourself, Do I need to do this or do I want to do this?

And I feel like, in doing that, it will always lead you to the right answer. Another question would be, Why or why this? Or why not? Just why???

The more that you dig deeper behind the intentions of what you are doing, the more you will remember that you did set out in this world to do something and it all did come from that brilliant spark in your head.

Mood: Organized

Context: Have just been on Notion this afternoon

I feel really organized.

But no, really, I feel it. Even when my brain keeps telling me, Oh no, don’t get too cocky. Your life is a friggin’ mess and you know that.

I choose to not here, like a stubborn kid lost in her YouTube videos. Hahah. (I laugh because this is my kid)

Anyway.

I reviewed some of my Daily Intentions today and I saw this line that I wrote days ago: “Plan 80%, Do 20%.”

Cool, sounds great, right?

But do I really do that or do I just succumb to indecision paralysis every damn day, looking at my Notion and addding more and more tasks, hoping to finish every day before 12AM the next day?

I feel like it’s the latter. But I digress.

I am here to hopefully remind you that it’s safe to plan ahead. You know. Some people might think that planning is a waste of time. I was one of those people. I guess I still am to some extent but I love my planning routines. The dangerous phase is when we use planning to procrastinate, but even that is not life threatening. LoL!

For a few weeks now, I’ve wanted to build my website but have not been sure where to build it. I couldn’t choose between WordPress, Squarespace, or Netlify (which my fellow devs and geeks would know). Whenever I choose WordPress, I think, Well, Squarespace looks better. Whenever I choose Squarespace, I think, Well, I can do this with Netlify and don’t have to pay a damn thing. Whenever I choose Netlify, I think, Don’t I already have a WordPress subscription? Why don’t I use that?

And you see the dilemma here. Analysis paralysis at it’s finest.

And this is why planning 80% of the time can actually be a helpful thing in your life too.

When I plan and set goals and all those things productivity gurus tell you, admittedly, I have a way clearer path ahead of me. And then it’s just all about the fear gremlins and making friends with them.

But when I don’t plan or at least review my goals 80% of the time, I forget them the next day and the cycle of blindly working continues. And it’s not to say I look at my goals and get aligned to them every single day, but I REMIND myself and I try to realign every single day.

Life is one big reminder of doing what you really want to do. Every day, it might seem like you don’t know, but that’s just fear gremlin talking again. You do know and you just gotta remind yourself, plan for it, review it, act on it, and maybe even have it. 😉

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Mood: Frustrated

Context: Build Fails for Focused Weeks via a static site generator, GitLab, and Netlify

Day 1 of this business/ self-employed journey and already the first feeling is frustration. Great sign! (not, hahah)

This is simply an emotion, a mood, a temporary thing.

It may feel like it’s everything in your world right now. But the reality is: life moves on. So it’s either you stay stuck and not move with life, or you simply move anyway.

I am saying this because I have, for the longest time, procrastinated on going back to writing when I should have kept on doing this 2 years ago.

I stopped because I had the crazy belief that writing did not do me any good, especially financially. I thought that, if I wanted to grow myself (and my income), I would have to focus on my work, aka my job at the time.

And that job did serve me well. It made me realize my dreams, keyword “realize.”

Sometimes our dreams, when merged with reality, can look and feel so very differently. I had this long time goal of being a “web developer.” And for so many years, even though I learned to code on my own since age 15 and started and left so many websites and coding projects on the line (that’s online, lol), I still stubbornly would not call myself a “web developer” until I got paid for it. Aka, I had it officially on my friggin’ resume.

Little did I know, I was and could be whoever I believed myself to be without needing external validation. And even now that feels–still–a bit cringe-y. Because for recovering people-pleasers like myself, external validation is EVERYTHING! And weeks after I officially resigned from being and working as a web developer, I can safely say that it has not been all that I led myself it to believe it could be–or at least not the part about working for someone else as a web developer.

To be clear, it’s not the field of web development that burned me out. It is–has always been–the 8 hour workdays, grinding at the same hour every friggin’ weekday. I hated that feeling… that rat race feeling. I knew in my gut that it led me nowhere. A paycheck, maybe. But as for fulfillment and joy, very, very far from it, unfortunately. I also have that sinking feeling that no corporate-type job has and could ever satisfy me.

But then again, after all, nothing really satisfies humans. Or am I wrong?

But writing (oh writing!) has always been there for me even before I started experimenting with computers. And it never left.

And that has led me here now.

Writing and documenting what feels like an arduous process towards growth, personally, financially, socially, spiritually—all the ly’s!

Here are a couple of things that I want to work on in relation to this Focused Weeks blog:

1. Vedic Astrology
2. Writing everyday for 100 days
3. Working out to reach advanced natarajasana
4. Documenting work feelings, moods, emotions, and manifestations
5. Recording podcast episodes from this blog
6. Working on my Pinterest, Instagram, and TikTok accounts
7. App research for PayMongo, PayPal, eCommerce, JAMstack, Teachery, Netlify (connecting all these with as little code as possible)
8. F.I.R.E. research
9. Journey to clearer skin (damn right!)
10. Traveling somewhere at least every month
11. Journey to abs (hahah!)
12. Business journey as a self-employed freelance mofo

So that’s it. My French lessons are on the back burner for now but it should be back up and running as soon as I start all of these all at once! Hahah. I’m just kidding. These are all experiments of course.

And Focused Weeks really isn’t only about focusing on one project each week, but focusing on the feeling each week. Questions like, How are you feeling? How do you want to think about work today? How can you set the vibe for something magical and fun? These are exactly what I (and maybe you, too) need to ask myself every day.

It’s not going to be perfect. But it’s going to be me. (Shoutout, N*sync!)

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On this day, I went to the dentist when every bit of me did not want to move as soon as I woke up.

You might think it’s a classic case of procrastination.

Well, you wouldn’t be wrong.

But at the same time as I was wanting so badly to procrastinate, I kept on thinking about just doing the next small step. It looked like getting up. It looked like washing my face. It looked like drinking my coffee. It looked like helping my daughter prepare to go out.

One tiny step at a time until I found myself sitting at the dentist’s clinic, waiting for my glorious turn.

How many times have you procrastinated going to dentist or getting your medical checkup?

I have done so too many times at my detriment. You do know that adults don’t grow back their teeth anymore, right? Lol.

I did but still I was too stubborn. And what that left me was a couple of teeth, a denture, and a still misaligned upper from teeth even after having braces in my mid-20s. Bummer.

Because I wouldn’t take the small step. I wouldn’t commit to myself.

And I tell you what, when I visited the dentist, I still wasn’t convinced that I was supposed to be there. Even while I was waiting for 3 hours for my turn! Hahah. Talk about being stubborn eh?

Moment by moment though, when I would feel the stress of anticipation of what kind of pain was to go over my body, particularly in my oral cavity, I would try to relax myself and meditate where I am.

It’s so amazing how much a moment of calm and awareness can bring you.

It’s safe to be here. I can do this seemingly difficult thing. I am doing this for future me. I am committing to myself. I am safe to be here.

These are the mantras I try to say to myself over and over.

And whenever I feel like the day is almost over and I haven’t really done anything towards the future I want, I remind myself that the day isn’t over. Or better yet, my life isn’t over yet! There’s still friggin’ tomorrow!

And I can do a small thing like give the dentist’s assistant a heads up that I intend to have my big molar removed tomorrow or replying to my clients to make them feel heard and supported.

Oh my goodness, it is the little things that do matter.

As I’ve gotten older, that has been what I’ve come to realize more and more. Kissing my partner on the cheek at random times of the day. Checking in with clients. Setting appointments. Getting up for the day. Doing a meditation. Pulling an oracle card.

All small things that you can almost always do right now or a couple of hours later. But the increment of these is so beneficial and feels so aligned for what you want future you to be.

So today I want to help you go to your dentist. Do it. And if it’s night time, set that appointment up like a mofo!

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I am writing this on 3rd of August 2022.

I should have started writing this two days ago.

And it seems so simple and innocent how we believe that we don’t need a blog these days. The irony is I am starting a Daily Blog! Lol. But when you really think about your World Wide Web real estate, you’re not the owner of Instagram, Meta, or TikTok. You’re not even the owner of your podcasting platform!

But we keep on posting there like it’s going to be there forever.

And I love that those platforms are free and we get to meet and connect with so many awesome people there. But where does that leave us when all is said and done?

Well, we can move our content when the platform decides to close, right?

Right.

And then what? We’ll keep on moving until the next one?

I am not making a compelling case as to why we should be off of social media platforms here. But what I am saying is building your own platform. Being your own brand. Creating space for others to find you no matter the state of affairs of X, Y, or Z app.

And so I should have started this post 2 days ago. But what happened?

Well, life. But mostly, fear.

And today I had to confront myself with that in my journal. I was writing my heart out (yet again) about how my shame, doubt, and fears have been holding me back.

But the truth?

I was holding myself back.

When you have a complete set of body organs, when you aren’t suffering from any chronic illness or going through any mental health challenge at the moment, what’s really left in the equation of you + attaining your dreams is, frankly, you.

And this is not to say that you are not enough. You SO are! You are more than enough and more than worthy. But these dreams of ours can’t manifest itself without our input, you know?

We are the missing piece of the dream equation.

And so I should have started this post 2 days ago. And I am starting all over again now.

Every day, there is always a chance to renew our commitments to ourselves.

Sometimes, when we are faced with life stuff that inevitably derail our momentum, we forget that we are capable of renewing that soul contract!

And what is our soul contract?

It’s the one we make with our dreams. The one where we hopefully set out to dream and execute and create and build and make memories.

I used to believe that I was not meant to write this or be here talking about this. But I find myself going back to this over and over again. So what the heck?!

It’s part of my soul contract, the heck it is!

I don’t even know if that’s a thing people say. Lol.

But it is. Writing is part of my soul contract. One of the reasons why I was put on this earth. Somehow, someday, someone will be able to read this and believe in themselves too. Not just their dreams. Because we already believe in our dreams! But as I’ve said, we are the missing piece of our dream equation.

So I started this blog today. What’s next?

Appreciation. Presence. Recognition. Yes! I did something that lights my soul on fire today. What light’s up yours?

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The first part of this welcome audio was a bit buggy, so thank you for bearing with me! I hope you liked this episode. Keep tuning in for this weekly series! :)

See you around!