Freja and Steve take on deeper subjects of love, romance sex and personal happiness.
Steve is “writing the book” about discovering lasting happiness, and to quote “Sometime around 2008, I was dreadfully unhappy. I embarked on an experiment to rewrite my life. More than anything, I wanted just two things: More love in my life, and more peace in my life."
Freja is an intimacy educator, erotic hypnotherapist, and somatic sex educator who believes that Procreation is "natural" but great sex takes -- and is worth Effort. You can see more about her work atwww.TheSensualist.org
Inviting intimacy, or as Freja puts it -- how to ask for sex without being a douche.
Steve and I talk about common obstacles to initiating/inviting sex, particularly in a changing environment where people are afraid to ask for what they want.
We talk about
How do you avoid feeling rejected when you ask for sex a lot and your partner says no?
Is it even worth it to ask for sex when you know it's going to be "obligation sex" that results?
What is the difference between welcomed, and unwelcomed insistence when it comes to pursuing sex with someone?
Women who get upset when you don't "put out" within three dates, what's the deal?
That marital death bed when one person starts avoiding doing ANYTHING AT ALL that might arouse the other person, sleeping with pjs on, avoiding spooning or cuddling, changing in the bathroom..... what is really going on?
Guys in the friendzone, is it possible to offer to give your lady friends "a hand" with their sex and have it not be awful and super annoying and douchey? Steve says yes, and offers a way how to do this.
Steve and I are happy to hear from you by posting your comments here or writing to us at email@example.com
Freja here: Steve and I wanted to open a dialogue and INVITE you to share with us your own stories of sexual connection. What are some of the reasons you have, or have HAD sex in the past that are not just be because you're trying to alleviate libido or strong desire, which is what we tend to imagine is the reason for doing it.
What we find upon examining things deeper is that sexual desire is actually a far smaller player than many of the other factors and reasons for doing it.
Why is this important? SO MUCH of our lives and happiness is consumed with sexuality. Trying to get it, wanting more or less than a partner... and the wheres, the whys and the how.... and so much of our suffering is due to placing conditions on sexual activity. Early on in relationships we're often happy to be delusional, later on we start to become critical. "I want sex, but I only want it with one person, and I want that one person to find me irresistibly sexy and to desire me so much that they just can't help themselves, and are already aroused when we begin." "I want a certain kind of sex because that kind of sex makes me believe I am still desirable, when I look in the mirror and suspect I'm not" "I want it a certain number of times per week and will get very unpleasant if it falls short of that" "I want this activity and that activity and for it to look a certain way"
Furthermore, there can be darker dynamics of coercion and manipulation. Are you demanding sex from someone because you want to feel okay? Are you saying yes to sex just to shut someone up, or to avoid negative repercussions or abuse?
I would love to hear your stories, you can write in to us at firstname.lastname@example.org or send in an mp3 of your story or drop a message here: https://anchor.fm/frejasteve/message
I for one know that I had a tremendous amount of sex in my 20s that I did not want, because I feared the repercussions of saying no and will share some stories, as well as some RECENT stories of what happens when someone feels rejected, there can be very real consequences to saying no to unwanted advances.
The point of these stories is to invite more self awareness and ultimately, the chance to feel better, communicate better and have more authentic relating. We love sex, and are prosex, pro kink and pro consent.
If "Romanticism" or Romantic thinking is harmful to relationships, and most of us are on a spectrum of this type of thinking/projection/fantasy, what are some alternatives for the single or partnered person? What are some healthier ways to approach dating or your partner in a relationship, and how to avoid the disappointment when the other does not meet expectations?
-What about Soul Mates?
-What about feeling lonely within a relationship?
-What about the idea that if you fix the relationship, better sex will follow?
Steve and Freja converse on these subjects and would love to hear YOUR thoughts on an ongoing and exploratory conversation series.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=alain+de+botton - a teacher mentioned
https://www.facebook.com/groups/793115204193690/ - a facebook group mentioned as a phenomenal resource for relationship discussion