Friend Crush with Amber Akilla

happy valentine's day bbs!

here is a special DJ mix and Q&A episode of Friend Crush with Amber Akilla.

i've pulled questions from various Tiktok lives and answered them in between tracks that embody the 'love, lust & loathing' theme.

i had so much fun making this, i hope you enjoy!!!

previous mixes are on soundcloud~

special treat for friend crush listeners ~ i've received a few messages like this one so i felt the wheels turning in my brain and generated this response. i definitely missed out a few things but i hope that this provides helpful perspective for anyone that relates to the situation described. 

this episode might be triggering for anyone that's convinced themselves that they like being in a situationship so listen at your own risk :)

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jealousyyyy is a disease fr - its a human experience, but one that when unmanaged can create more harm than good, mostly to yourself!!! how can we better understand and differentiate jealousy and envy we experience towards others and also when its directed towards us?

articles referenced:

https://kazmobrain.com/jealousy-definition-causes-treatment/

https://www.dictionary.com/e/jealousy-vs-envy/

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answering a listener message i received recently that prompted me to reflect on what it means to be a "high value woman" and my thoughts on this conversation that's been happening online, growth, trauma, grief and why people cheat.

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i've done an episode on this before but i feel like its recently come up a lot in conversations with people in their early-mid 20s. my quarter life crisis was so intense but i feel like i've come out the other end better than i entered it so hopefully this gives you something to look forward to if you're going through this rn!! you are not alone

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i think one of the best ways to develop healthier boundaries is to find activities that you care about that feel beneficial to you (keep you hot and having fun) and allow you to orient your schedule around them. it can't just be work because that's not always just for you, it needs to be a hobby! the dedication to investing time and or money to connecting with yourself is not only beneficial for you but also for how you show up in your relationships. on top of that it also provides an easy filter to see whether others are respectful of this hobby and by extension you and your time.

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we previously talked about 'what do you get out of it' and recently i've been thinking about 'what do you have to offer' two sides of the same coin kinda. when we better understand who we are and what we contribute to relationships and situations, coupled with an awareness of how we want to live (hot & having fun philosophy), this also assists in how we can make more intentional decisions, better understand and assert boundaries and distance ourselves from connections and experiences that we're not compatible with.

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self-deprecation can seem harmless at times but i feel like when taken to far it can really get in the way of your ability to grow and expand how you see yourself. wild the ways that we can be our own worst enemy! in this episode i discuss how i've come to better understand how to manage self-deprecation in ways that aren't self-destructive.

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so often in life and in love we are bamboozled by other people's validation and desire and forget to ask 'what am i getting out of this', 'how do i feel' ?? this doesn't mean we have to be entirely self-serving but it also doesn't mean we have to be entirely self-sacrificial. i implore you to take a pause and consider this if you find yourself in a mental or emotional spiral over a person or situation. oftentimes we need to recognise the ways we have allowed for clownery in order to be hot and have fun!!!

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i've been thinking about the subtle difference between being offended and being disrespected - maybe in a general sense the difference doesn't matter to that many people but i think having an understanding for myself has allowed me to determine what is worth my energy, who is worth my time and what opportunities being offended or disrespected can actually provide in having more self-awareness. in other words - don't let haters stop you from being hot and having fun hehe

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GIRL CONFESSIONSSS this episode was so fun to record, "Sarah" and I have been internet friends for some time now and we barely scratched the surface in this conversation. we cover her experiences on hinge, one of her icks, age gaps in dating, who is expected to pay on the first date, friends to lovers, growing up and dating as a woman of colour in australia and more!!! i hope you enjoyed this episode, let me know what you thought and if you want more episodes with Sarah and/or more girl confessions epsiodes in general !!!

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our first boy confessions episode for the season!! 'christopher' just turned 30 and is currently taking some time off from his tech job to rest and reflect. we discuss his dating expectations, how his views on dating and relationships have changed, whether "the spark" is a real thing, dating as a scapegoat from big life changes... and more, i hope you enjoy! let me know what you thought of this episode!

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my current thoughts, feelings and understandings around boundaries, how they differ from standards, expectations, preferences and conditions. 'boundaries' is a term that is thrown around the same way 'authentic' is but just because people throw a word around doesn't really mean they understand, let alone practice what they preach hehe

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you know i feel like so much of my 20s has been about 'what' am i doing with my life, but in the last few years i've focused more on 'how' i am experiencing life, 'am i enjoying myself?' aka am i being hot and having fun and if not, how does a life well lived feel and look like to me and how can i take intentional action towards it? how can i balance portfolio interests with personal interests at different stages and eras rather than thinking that personal fulfilment is dependent on portfolio and professional success?

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tale as old as time... you know "what's best" for someone and for some reason they're not doing what needs to be done to be better???? WHYYYYYYY

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welcome welcome back to friend crush!!! can't believe its season five!

i started this podcast during the pandemic as a creative outlet after having my original plans for 2020 cancelled, it became a way for me to process and organise my thoughts in the most cute, chaotic and critical way that i can manage.

i made it back to shanghai last year and released season four after a few months of being back. its been almost a year since i've been back and i'm so excited to be sharing the next season with you!

this episode is just a general welcome and thought dump on things i've been reflecting on recently after having recorded about half of the season before i work on the next episodes.

hope everyone has been well !! missed you !!!

lots of love,

amber

xoxo

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wow i can’t believe we’re up to the 70th episode of friend crush!!! thank you so much for tuning in, sending your feedback, sending questions and topic suggestions and sharing with your friends! i’m actually so shook and can’t that you enough! we’re going to go on a lil breaky break over the northern hemisphere summer so i can focus on other projects and prepare for the next season. wishing everyone a slay time in the meantime!!!

this week’s episode i also answer a listener question about transitioning career at age 24, tune in to hear my thoughts n feelings.

lots of love!!!!

♡ amber

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there's a difference between a broken heart and a bruised ego when it comes to breakups - friendship, work, romantic or otherwise. how we process and move on from different ailments requires different treatments!

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they broke your trust? you DO NOT break no contact. STAND UP!

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what are my thoughts on long distance relationships? is it worth the mental, emotional and financial investment? i discuss using my personal experience with long distance relationships and also reflect on where i'm at now when it comes to what i would want from a romantic commitment.

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this week's episode i attempted to answer multiple questions but only managed to answer two lol

first we discuss how to start developing discipline and creating habits, how i personally managed to start being more consistent with grounding practices.

secondly we talk about whether there is a binary choice between living with family and saving money or moving out and working full time. i also want to add to this section that working full time while living at home and being able to save money is a privilege in this economy and it's not something to be ashamed of. the world we were promised growing up is not the reality we are living in anymore.

as always, let me know what you think of the episode!! also sub and comment on the youtube episode please hehe

too often we're made to feel like love and career are incompatible but i think that's an illusion. love can come from so many sources not just romance and different chapters and relationships in your life will facilitate different kinds of love and fulfilment. there's more to life than settling down, there's more to live for than romantic love and your journey will be unique to you! stay hot and having fun!!!

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exploring an actually quite complex topic in today’s episode which i will continue to turn over in my mind. what do you do when your political values with a friend start to diverge into almost incompatible territories? on the one hand i think that its important to detach from the direction relationships can take and do your best to have empathy for others, while i also recognize that certain political views can be especially harmful to society when they go unchecked, then on top of that - to what degree are we responsible and can we control what ideas people attach to? i don’t really have an answer but i do my best to scratch at least the surface of this dynamic, prompted by messages from a listener.

let me know what you thought of this episode! i think there will be a lot more to discuss and expand on in future episodes~

ask me a question~ receive a written pep talk from me!

look, i go on a few tangents in this one but we're discussing betrayal trauma, sinophobia and then answering a question from a listener about how to manage expectations when working on personal creative projects versus client/ commercial projects. let me know what you thought of this episode!!! 

ask me a question~ receive a written pep talk from me!

you know what... its ok to not have the answer sometimes!!! quick thoughts on being patient with yourself, managing anxiety and letting time to pass so that things can fall into place. believe that what you want is already yours! if you're taking action and doing your best, trust that there are forces beyond your comprehension that will bring you in contact with people and opportunities that can make it happen. easier said than done of course, but worth a reminder every now and then. 

ask me a question~ receive a written pep talk from me!

sharing my thoughts and reflections on messages i've received about how to navigate the post-break up period and virtual/digital relationships that don't eventuate with in-person meetings. with some expected tangents and rambles hehe

ask me a question~ receive a written pep talk from me!

hello angels!! i'm sharing my thoughts around video titles and subjects where people think they've wasted their life. although i understand the sentiment of these videos i think that sometimes they can be disempowering and there are other ways we can frame and understand our experience of life! sliving requires slearning - some lessons take us longer to learn than others and although there is a time and place to be competitive, its not a competition with others, its a journey and a story that we are writing for ourselves and hopefully with the people we love and care about!!!

video version on youtube!