From Believing to Being

If we're not our emotions, what do we do with them? In this episode, we discuss how to handle emotions and what to do with the especially difficult ones. Dave shares the acronymn phrase R.A.I.D. on A.N.T.S, as one approach to dealing with our feelings. We dive deep into the idea of compassion and the role it plays for ourselves and others, and look at how being detached or disidentified with our emotions eventually enables us to be more loving and understanding people. 

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In this episode, we follow up on our last one by asking the question, "How can we know what to do with events outside of our direct experience, if we are not actually investigating the experience we ARE having?" We discuss the maturation process that is necessary to embrace the mystery of this life and how to lean into the uncertainty that is part of being human. Doing this intense self-investigation takes time and courage in this world of distraction, but we offer that the deep peace on the other side is worth it. 

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This week Karen & Dave touch on the current abortion debate and the Ukraine/Russia conflict, ultimately asking the question, "What do we do with events that are outside of our current experience?" We consider the concepts of neutrality vs. apathy vs. observing as we wrestle with some of the non-dual teachings and look at how our perspectives on social justice matters have shifted as we deepen into embracing the present moment. 

Resources Mentioned 

Do you think too much? Do you consider yourself an "over-thinker"? In this episode, we think and talk about our thoughts. Where do they come from? Do we have to have so many? Is thinking a cause of suffering and can we control what we think about? We offer up some practical exercises we've used to help separate ourselves from our thoughts, and touch on whether positive and negative thoughts should be handled the same. This episode will make you look at your mind differently and get you thinking more deeply and critically about all the things you think about! 

Sources Mentioned

This episode may strike a nerve. We discuss law of attraction and manifestation, and whether they are "pitfalls" that just seek to satisfy the ego. Do these pseudo-spiritual pursuits have a role to play in the spiritual journey? These concepts are so prevalent in today's spiritual circles, yet are they truly the way to find peace and joy? And, how does law of attraction fit in with the non-dual teachings that we are not our thoughts or our feelings? Finally, we consider how we un-enlighten ourselves by getting hooked into these ideas of abundance, and how LOA and similar ideas conflict with the actual lives and ways of being of the great spiritual teachers. 

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We all know what it is to hope, to experience that magical mix of positive expectation and deep desire. And hope can often feel necessary to get us through times of difficult suffering, but can it also prevent us from maturing into a deeper spirituality? Do we need hope? Can you cling to hope and be "awakened" at the same time? Is hope intoxicating, but detrimental, like a drug? And if we don't lean into hope, then what is the alternative? These are just a few of the ideas and questions we explore in this week's episode. 

Resources Mentioned

In this episode, we talk about the buzz words "enlightenment" and "awakening". What are they? Are they the same thing? Do they make you superior to others? Do they mean you've found some secret to life that makes you special? We don't really have any answers, but we raise all these questions and more and talk about what our experience has been and how we are understanding these ideas right now. Karen shares a helpful cookie dough analogy and discusses how difficult these non-dual teachings can be to actually live out in the real world. Dave gets weird by asking the question "Am I even a person?" and shares his thoughts on how going deep into this stuff can bring so much peace but also appears to be at odds with the way most people see the world. 

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In this week's episode, we essentially admit that, when it comes to "God" {or whatever it is that has brought this life experience into being}, we're like dogs trying to understand the internet. Ha! We talk about how we understand "God" today, whether modern humanity is God pretending it's not God, and how the search for certainty and truth about God can lead us to embrace its mystery. We address the idea that we can't really know exactly WHAT we are - or what God is - due to our inherent human limitations, and ask the question "Do we even NEED to understand God?"  Towards the end, we venture into more sensitive territory about whether God/consciousness cares about this experience, what to do about pain and suffering, and how, if nothing else, our experience as humans allows God to show love to itself.   

In this episode, Dave shares more about his spiritual journey. Leveraging the metaphor of Kintsugi, he shares about how it was the seasons and moments of brokenness that allowed for a deeper peace and equanimity to prevail. Life hardships like family rifts, substance abuse, mental health, dating/relationships, theological shifts, church drama, and felt rejection all served as experiential breaking points, ultimately leading to a heighted awareness of and access to the impenetrable and ineffable peace, available to us all.

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In this episode, we revisit the question of "Who am I?" with a closer look at the differences and relationship between the "Big I" and the "Little I." As humans, we have an inherent "ego" that is necessary, but does it have to stay as the locus of control in our lives? What happens when we start shifting to the "Big I" perspective? We also discuss the many roles we play, how our views on death have changed, and what it means to loosen the attachment to our egoic self. We offer some theories and metaphors on what the "Big I" is and how we are understanding it, and Dave sets out a comparison to the biblical story of Abraham & Isaac. 

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In this episode, we distinguish between pain and "suffering," and our experiences in learning the difference. Using the CoVid-19 pandemic and parenting as real-world examples, we discuss approaches to dealing with acute and "slow-burn" suffering and how these strategies challenge and change us. We touch on the ideas of cultural conditioning, being in the present moment, stepping out of the normal grind, and leaning into a deeper understanding of who we truly are. 

Resources mentioned    

In this episode, we talk about the “theme” of surrender and how it is an on-going practice, while at the same time the only option we have. We share what surrendering has looked like in our lives and how it’s reminiscent of what we were taught to do as christians, yet very different. Karen relates a jellyfish metaphor that offers practical wisdom for how we can surrender more deeply to the present moment and not get so attached to the past or an imagined future. Dave offers some visualization and meditation practices that can help ground us in the now and bring us to a place that is “beyond thinking.” We wrap up the podcast with the real-life struggles of learning to trust and the temptation to keep living under the illusion of control.

Resources mentioned

In this Christmas episode, we talk about Jesus and how our “relationship” and views on him have evolved during our faith deconstruction. We touch on the mythological aspects of Jesus, what it means to be a disciple, and at what point clinging to Jesus could actually prevent us from moving forward on a spiritual path. We ponder Jesus' roles as a guru, a crutch, a friend, a king, a Buddhist. Dave also brings up whether devotion to a guru/savior indicates an inherent desire for a physical representation of “God."  

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*note: reference to suicide around ~50mins.

In this episode, we discuss the concept of "spiritual paths." Are we all on a spiritual path? Is it necessary to follow a specific path? Is there an end to the spiritual path? We talk about the various types of spiritual journeys out there, gleaning from our experience of being firmly on the evangelical Christian path to now pursuing more mystical and "outside the box" ways of being. 

Spiritual exercise: do a sit-up or push-up every time we say "path"  ;)  

Quotes: 

"The ego loves a journey" 

"Destinations are all ego games" - Various 

"Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water" - Zen Proverb 

Resources Mentioned: 

Rupert Spira talk comparing the direct path and progressive paths 

Mo Willems Book - Waiting is not Easy 

Contact: 

In this episode, we discuss what originally led us to become evangelical Christians and how those motivations have evolved as we've embraced new spiritual perspectives. Dave shares how hitting rock bottom with a drinking problem led him to find spirituality as an adult. Karen discusses the relief and security of being drawn to a guiding hand. We discuss what we miss from our time as evangelical Christians, but also how, ultimately, we lived so much in fear. 

We trace our journeys from that religion of certainty to where we are now - being more free in this place of "unknowing" and holding all beliefs loosely. Finally, we talk about how we've been dropping the judgments of ourselves and others, and what it really means to love yourself. 

 

Resources Mentioned

Richard Rohr as a "gateway drug" to deconstruction

In this episode, we talk about practicing "presence" amidst the chaos and frustrations of everyday life. What does it mean to be present? What are the benefits? We share how we've been learning to not focus so much on the past or on the future, but really taking life moment by moment (i.e. being in the now). We also offer up some practical ways to start practicing presence today so you can implement these ideas in your own life.

Some of the other themes we touch on include:

• Benefits of being present to shift from some event ruining your entire day vs. ruining 20 minutes
• Gateways into deeper presence: In this moment are there any problems? Where are your feet? Do you feel a sense of aliveness in your hands? 
• The counter cultural nature of being present (as compared to constantly thinking about the 'next thing')

Quotes:

"What you resist persists, what you accept transforms" - Carl Jung

"I no longer have any use for the past" - Eckhart Tolle

 
Resources mentioned:

Pete Holmes

In this episode, we discuss what it’s like to lose your identity as a Christian and the subsequent challenge of finding a new way to belong so you can experience that feeling of community. We define “faith deconstruction” and some of the joys and pitfalls of this experience. Eventually we hit upon “consciousness” and what it means to really go deep into the “I” of who am I? We touch upon losing one’s sense of meaning and purpose and how that can open up a whole new world of possibility and hope and enjoyment. Underlining this whole episode is the acknowledgement that you are not what you think you are… and it’s that recognition that sets the stage for an incredible, new kind of spiritual journey.

Resources Mentioned

Sam Harris

In this first episode, we share a bit of our personal stories about leaving Christianity and the mystical experiences that accelerated our faith deconstruction. We talk about faith as belonging and the fear, sadness, and anger that can come when you lose that community and sense of identity as you deconstruct. Karen touches on what it's like to not fit the mold in a church community, and how it felt to be on the outside because she is married to an atheist.

Some of the other themes we hit on in this episode include:

• How we now understand the concept of "God" in this post-deconstruction space
• What we're learning about agnosticism and universal consciousness
• The kernels of truth in all religions, serving as breadcrumbs for the spiritual journey
• Anger in deconstruction - both at ourselves and the church
• Unknowing God and unknowing ourselves
• What things have kept us interested in spirituality?
• Dealing with the loss of key identities as "Christian"

Formative Teachers mentioned:

• Rupert Spira
• Eckhart Tolle
• Alan Watts
• Nisargadatta Maharaj
• NT Wright
• Richard Rohr

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